Tag: personal development

24 Month Japanese Update

To be a good student, one must show up to class. This was my downfall in 2024. To be fair moving and buying a house literally blew up all my goals, but so did my intention to grow my Instagram. With these distractions, Japanese was not my priority for three-quarters of 2024, and I’m ashamed to say 2024 was a wash for progress.

But there was one bright spot in the year, I found a new learning app for Japanese called renshuu. With renshuu, I was able to dive into learning Japanese syntax and begin learning how to think in Japanese. It helped me see phrases and sentence structure so when I was watching videos with Japanese subtitles or listening to Japanese spoken or sung, my mind was primed to notice the familiar building blocks.

Another feature I liked about renshuu was its user-friendliness. The renshuu app developers seemed to care about learning, ahem, compared to the green owl, my learning nemesis named Duo. renshuu has Kao which looks like a mochi-based character which is our language learning guide.

Like I believe I mentioned before, I spent the fall watching Haikyuu for language immersion and a little Nana. In addition, Stray Kids’ Giant album was a Japanese release so I have been listening to music in Japanese too. The songs ‘Falling Up’ and ‘Night’ I played on repeat after their release with the new season of anime, Tower of God. I’m hoping I learned more passively than I believe. It’s hard not to feel discouraged by my lack of focus. I like excelling at things, but I can’t excel if I don’t try. My focus for my language learning in 2025 is simply to do it, no more excuses.

Are you learning a language? How do you stay focused? I wish you well on your language-learning journey, be a better student than me! Until next time, thanks for hanging out with me today. You reader, keep me accountable to keep learning Japanese.

Can It End With You and Them?

I think the most shocking thing for me from the aftermath of the ‘It Ends With Us’ film and subsequent press tour has not been Blake Lively’s seemingly out-of-touch behavior by promoting her brands alongside this movie nor the disturbing allegations detailed in the 80-page lawsuit filed by Lively against Baldoni and Wayfarer Studios, but it is that this movie and novel which at their core are about domestic violence continue to skate around the subject matter instead of using this project to help bring real change to our culture.

After looking at the PDF of the lawsuit, I question all motive behind any of the money Baldoni’s company donated to the charity No More, because the details in this lawsuit are too specific to be made out of thin air, in my opinion. There are cell phone screenshots and bizarre accounts from the set of behavior that is straight up inappropriate for any work place. So many that I’m not sure one person could manage that many levels of lies. If Blake Lively was able to pull this out of thin air, she needs to start writing books, because dang it is layered and disturbing.

George Constanza said it best when he explained how to con people, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.” That seems to be what the production held as their mantra because a movie about domestic violence with unsafe work environment screams delusion and narcissist behavior. Things that the internet is still giving Baldoni a pass on and heralding Lively as a crazy woman for reporting in her lawasuit. It’s very strange to me. How can we forget the ‘Me Too’ movement so rashly? What about Harvey Weinstein and Prince Andrew? The infamous Epstein list? Or the unfolding case of Diddy? Like Prohibition in the United States was installed to stem the tide of domestice violence, in my state of Pennsylvania, during the 2020 lockdown, alcohol sales were limited by the Governor to get ahead of the problem. On Live on Patrol, the Ramsey County sheriff department can attest to how the rate of domestic violence corresponds to the weather, with winter being the time they get the most reports of violence at home. It’s a well documented problem in America. So why would it not be possible on this film set at the hands of a handsome guy claiming he wants to help women? Just think about it. Do all bad people look like bad people?

There is a rampant evil that has pervaded every corner of our world, so I fully believe everything in that 80-page lawsuit could be proven true in court. Power is an influence that corrupts. Hollywood is powerful and has a long standing history of unsafe conditions going all the way back to the golden age, when doctors prescribed uppers and downers to keep stars working, making the studio money, instead of caring for the actor’s wellbeing. This happened to Judy Garland on the set of the Wizard of Oz when she was only 17. Now do I believe all film companies are bad and everyone is just there to use and abuse people to make millions? No, not at all. I think there are good people and bad people everywhere, in every industry.

I also think two things can be true at once. I think that Lively can be a victim worthy of our compassion and can also be a self-absorbed human that made questionable decisions, when she marketed her products during a movie that called for wisdom and tact. But I think we should all be given grace. Yes internet, give her a break. I also think we should held accountable for our actions in order to grow, and I don’t think Baldoni, Wayfarer Studios and the others named in the lawsuit have been held accountable by society. I think Lively has because Lively is rich, she pretty, she has played some mean girl roles and I think those roles stick in our minds more than we realize. If the actress who played Blair Waldorf, Leighton Meister, was in this movie I think society may have a different view because Blair was a more sympathetic character. The Weekend faced similar backlash to Lively, after his character in ‘The Idol’ because we as humans blur the lines between performance and real life. I find it weird that Baldoni is not facing the same backlash as The Weekend when they both portrayed abusive men, why is Baldoni special?

Simply, I believe because we don’t know these people and so our imaginations fill in the blanks. I think as humans we get jealous of successful, beautiful people and enjoy tearing them down. Baldoni has the novelty of being more unknown and can shape shift, if that’s what he is doing.

I’m trying to keep an open mind, and respect the fact that these are allegations but it is hard to not question all his motives when he separated himself from the group during the press tour and so eloquently spoke about ending domestic violence. It was an excellent opportunity to build a case against Lively and discredit her. I’ve personally experienced this from men and women in my life, they entrap you before you realize it and then scapegoat your reputation to cover their own bad behavior. It’s bizarre to me that the film production of this story, ‘It Ends With Us’ was filled with so many cross overs to the subject matter. In some ways it appears, in my opinion, that Wayfarer and Baldoni, have such a hero complex that they are unaware of the darkness in their actions and the hubris of hurting women on a set that was portraying the story of a woman who is abused.

It’s like how Colleen Hoover writes these books that have such dark and triggering subject matter, and some people still think its a romance novel, or in Hoover’s case, that trigger warnings aren’t needed for her books. It’s such a bizarre universe that makes me question what is the point of the art?

For Hoover, is it to educate and bring awareness to domestic violence? Is it to sell books because violence and violence against women sell? Hollywood would seem to prove this point with how violent and disrespectful they are two female characters with the stories that are greenlit. For Baldoni, why did he choose to adapt this film? Was it to tell a story to reach his fellow men to change their hearts or is he a dangerous narcissist that thrives on this kind of treatment of women? For Lively, why did she choose this project? Was it to inspire hope for women who are survivors and tell their story or was it for her personal brand, to boost her product sales? I don’t know.

I think in advertently this movie and the drama surrounding it, including the public opinions swirling around the internet, show that I don’t think we as a society are taking this seriously enough. Even myself, who although I experienced the trauma of having an abusive biological father, I was quick to fall for Baldoni’s interviews and found myself disgusted with Lively because of how little she seemed to care about a subject that was so important. I may have fallen for the lies, again. I don’t think this issue is a problem that can be tackled through movies or books to create real change. With every book and movie I question, where the does the line blur into glorification? And why, when so many people experience domestic violence and abuse, do we have to read it replayed in books or portrayed on screen? I think we are fully aware of the problem and are giving the evil acts too much room to live rent-free in our imaginations.

Domestic violence, narcissists, sociopaths, and abuse are woven well into the fabric of society so well that it is hard to unravel it completely. The cycles of trauma carry down through generations. It’s a ripple on a lake, fanning out farther and farther.

I hope that whatever comes out of this unfolding lawsuit, that the real evil is exposed and that it creates real conversations for change so that we keep our eyes and ears open to those in our midst that are suffering silently from dangerous people lurking in their homes, their families, and the workplace. I also hope that the actors involved, on both sides, the studio, and the author will think more about the victims of domestic violence and get involved. They have money, influence, and could do some good in our communities if they would think outside the bubbles they are in. I also hope as a society we begin to consider the kind of content we consume, so that tales of abuse can never again be marketed as a romance story, cause that’s sick and wrong, in my opinion.

Black Friday and Cyber Monday in 2024

Have you claimed your deal yet? What are you waiting for? Has every platform, company, or application on your device prompted you to check out their coupon code for an amazing, one-time-only deal?

This year has felt different. Maybe it’s the economy of the United States in 2024, or perhaps it’s the fatigue of advertisements from how many ways we see them nowadays. The Christmas shopping season took on a new flavor in 2020. Sales migrated online, and shopping days—Black Friday and Cyber Monday—became “Black Friday all month” and “Cyber Week.” I feel like Charlie Brown, I’m aghast at the rampant consumerism, which leads me to believe I have changed.

I think it is the amazing work of normal people who have started talking about the current tour-de-force of consumerism that is becoming normalized in first-world nations. I started taking serious note of this during Fashion Roadman live streams, where he discussed the voracious gains of the conglomerates – Kering and LVMH to grow every quarter. While growth was sought, prices soared, and quality took a nosedive. How was this happening? This was a never-ending I sought to learn more about throughout 2024, and along the way, I discovered the web of destruction that almost every company is caught in. Cheaper materials, cheaper production, the global south, slave labor conditions, child labor, toxic chemicals, microplastics, lithium mining, and planned obsolescence. That is as concise as I can get, and trust me, there is so much I’d like to write about on this topic.

How does this connect to Black Friday and Cyber Monday? Well, I used to have a bit of a shopping addiction. This season used to wreck my bank account. Saying no to things I didn’t need because I like clothes was difficult, as dumb as it sounds. It was my way of hiding from my problems by giving me a little treat. I wasted a lot of money and time working to make up for the financial consequences of my actions. Most importantly, it never gave me true happiness. So, if you are struggling with all these sales being shoved in your face, I feel you.

I did go to my local Premier Outlets on Black Friday to pick up a gift for my stepdad and was immediately tempted by the sales and a cute pair of pants I had seen the day before from Old Navy. That’s where being aware of how and where our clothing is being made can really help to wake up to the noise – I remembered where Old Navy makes their clothing in the global south in countries like Bangladesh, where labor conditions are despicable. I snapped out of it. Does this mean I will never shop from Old Navy or another company like them? No, because the system is broken, and all clothing and manufacturing are tainted right now by the Temu and Shein models. But it is helping to only buy if I need something and try to upcycle or make the garment so I can understand how much goes into the process of the garment worker.

Ironically, as I was leaving I saw a sign on the Forever 21 store that they accept Shein returns. We all know where those are going.

This brings me to what actually sparked this post today, it was an email I received from Converse, which advertised a Cyber Monday 75% off sale on everything! Yeah, that’s what the email said. Dubiously, I clicked the link to check it out. I had heard that Nike (the owner of Converse) had a slow 3rd quarter and is falling behind Adidas in the 2020s due to the popularity of the Samba and Blokecore in recent years. Maybe it was true to make Q4 a success? I was surprised by what I saw!

I was surprised to see nothing even approaching 75% off. Either there were a few items that sold out, and the 75% off is gone, or this deal was carefully worded to get traffic. I was disappointed. This goes along with many deals I saw this year on Black Friday and today on Cyber Monday. It’s lackluster. I was looking at colors to touch up my roots and saw that Arctic Fox was running a cyber deal through Amazon, and it was more expensive than the price it was advertised when I purchased it. So what is my point? Be wise and buy what you need when you can afford it, but don’t let the talons of consumerism dig into your wallet this year because there is a cost, and we can’t afford the cost of hyperconsumerism on our fellow humans in the global south, the planet, or our finances.

I saw a short clip someone shared that said on Black Friday, everything is being sold for the price they want. I can attest to receiving junky quality items that were being sold as Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals. It’s a web, but let’s marinate on the problems being brought to light and fight together to solve this problem. I think in time we can sort this out.

I hope wherever you are, you are feeling warm (if you are a Northern Hemisphere person, winter is in full force here!) and know that you were made for a purpose. Thank you for spending time with me today. ❤

#66 – Pies, C-PTSD, and Learning How To Move Forward

It’s been a complicated week. I had plans to start blogging every day, to clean my house in one day not over several to prepare for hosting Thanksgiving. I also thought my pie crust would roll out with ease. Nothing went to plan.

It started with the couch breaking. One evening we noticed the leg fell off the mid-support but instead of buying a new one (Have you seen the price of couches lately? Yikes. Dubious quality to boot.) we opted to fix it. Improve it really. That was a bump in the road, the couch is stronger, and we have storage, but then we hit a pothole.

It’s like our rescue rabbit Mia unbonded to us. She became irritable and aggressive and would thrash around her room. She bites at us, growls at us, and won’t let us do normal things like sweep out her area. This whole situation is discouraging because how will we be able to properly care for her if she won’t let us? I never experienced this with my previous rabbit, Midnight, or with my family dog, Sully.

I was thrown into a murky mental pool. I have some deep memories from childhood of my dad that terrify me when loud outbursts happen. How could this happen? This rabbit I was so excited to adopt and give a loving home, was suddenly a source of triggering panic.

Cleaning ground to a halt. Kyle’s woodworking is uncertain. Walking through the office and living room tense, uncertain, scary, as the furball held us in her grip of territorial fury. She began to destroy the floor filling me with despair.

Every little part of preparing for the holiday felt treacherous as the C-PTSD clouded me from the reality of the tasks in front of me to the mountains of my mind. The craggy, inhospitable rock that has been too high to climb. I didn’t expect this random experience to cause such pain and confusion in my mind.

But the clock kept moving forward and things still needed to be done. This holiday we looked toward with joy could not become a thing we wanted to run from. It was our first holiday here.

Living as a human can be so tough. We are all broken and have hidden scars that can be reopened in the blink of an eye. What has been the most challenging part of this week has been where I find my pauses to take a breath. Finding opportunities in the chaos to recenter instead of giving up.

Making those pies was one of those moments of joy in the center of the storm. Cutting the Crisco into the flour is rhythmic. Feeling the sand become dough, stimming. Rolling out the crust and having it fall apart, is tragic! Finding the inspiration to make the difficult crust mold into the pie tin anyway, is a victory!

Seeing the smiles the pumpkin and apple pie brought to my family filled me with warmth. Yesterday, was a wonderful day. Yes because the food was delicious, but more so for the reminder that what makes the day special is being next to my loved ones and reflecting on the year and what blessings we received despite the chaos of life.

I hope you know that you are loved, dear reader and that you remember not to give up!

I Tried Watching Nana

Aside from Haikyuu and One Piece, Nana was the most recommended Anime I have watched. It was mainly recommended in fashion discourse in the TikTok fashion sphere and on YouTube for its spin on street style, punk, 90s fashion, and accessorizing with elaborate detail.

These fans praise creator Ai Yazawa’s Nana for its Vivienne Westwood references and innovative looks. As I expected, the fashion was inspiring. It captures the 90s and early 2000s Japanese fashion in a way that makes my heart warm because that’s how I first got into fashion—watching ANTM’s Cycle 3 and their finale trip to Tokyo. But there was one hiccup—I can’t get into the story.

Nana is a Work of Art

Now before Nana stans click out, I can explain why I am not a fan but can appreciate the artistic duality of the storytelling, while critiquing the worldview of the narrative.

I’ve previously mentioned that I’m not an anime fan, that I had watched Fruits Basket and some Trigun and it was enjoyable but did not grip me the same way a Kdrama can. Since then I have started watching Haikyuu and fell in love with the anime style and its storytelling in Haikyuu’s seasons. Going into Nana, I was excited to watch a new anime style. The artwork is different, older, and grittier like a film noir.

The storytelling was unique, and non-linear at the beginning, and featured two storylines of Nana O. and Nana K, a duality that Ai Yazawa put a lot of thought into. Her passion is clear from the art style, the complicated characters, and the darkness of human life that she explores. I appreciate the inner monologues of the characters, and the way that they feel real because they are flawed, and downright annoying sometimes, but I couldn’t find myself rooting for any character and walked away from the series after two attempts to watch through.

Struggles with the Story

Misogyny and the age of consent, are two things I was not expecting to be major storylines in this tale but there it was. It was hard to watch the disrespect and absolutely dangerous decision-making of Nana K in 2024 as an American with some of the headlines we have had of assault on college campuses and by powerful people in the culture. Me Too changed things and made this normality of the 1990s and 2000s a thing that was no longer going to be passively tolerated. For that, I am thankful to be living on this side of the 2010s and its cultural upheaval because when I encounter stories where the female characters are not being respected and accepting this toxic masculinity and normal, as the viewer it is outrageous.

My standard is now the ladies of Brooklyn Nine-Nine who demand respect and get it because the male characters on the squad are respectful. The characters of Gina Linetti, Rosa Diaz, and Amy Santiago have ambition, and desire love, but understand they are enough and don’t need guys to make them whole. I didn’t see that in my watch of the Nana show. They also support each other with maturity, and Nana K is simply not mature and despite Nana O’s heart, it can’t make up for the deficit, in my opinion. I know that their friendship is hailed for its feminism but I think the best friendships in storytelling have two mature people who have grown and developed into characters that have depth and true, selfless love for each other.

This show felt triggering for its realistic depiction of toxic relationships in both friendships and romantic relationships, which dug up memories from my teens and twenties of feeling lonely by the cloud of darkness bad relationships held me in. Like Skins UK, I could feel the pain, the emptiness, and the struggle in my veins by how emotionally charged the story is. But as Effie can send me into a depressed spiral, I felt the same from Nana. Art should make you feel, but not harm efforts to have good mental health, so as I made the decision to stop to protect my peace, I encourage you to have healthy boundaries with shows that can trigger you, dear reader. It doesn’t mean you are a wimp or that the show is bad, just that it isn’t a good fit for you because it is damaging your calm, to quote Jayne Cobb, from Firefly.

Girlhood, Dark Romance, and the Pick Me Girl

Something that may be holding me back from embracing Nana could be my culture and similar western media I have already grown up with which taught me the same lessons through their stories. As I mentioned before I see many parallels between Skins UK and Nana. They are both edgy, the characters are working through their own pain and finding their own solutions like by dulling the pain with alcohol or love. There is the female friendship in Nana like Meredith and Cristina in Grey’s Anatomy and the toxic relationships in Gossip Girl with the complicated friendship of Blair and Serena.

I found Grey’s Anatomy and Gossip Girl during the end of high school and watched both into college, a time that is full of turbulence. Something that Nana nailed, and I think if I had found Nana first it maybe the coming of age guidebook for me that Grey’s Anatomy and Gossip Girl were during those weird years. I think that both Gossip Girl and Grey’s Anatomy have more character arcs for their female protagonists than Nana, with Serena Van Der Woodsen being the only one I’d say didn’t grow much at all. Blair, Meredith, and Cristina all show tremendous growth by the end of their stories. (Yes, I know Grey’s Anatomy carries on but Sandra Oh left the show in 2014 and I personally stopped watching in 2019 so Grey’s has an end to me.)

Meredith Grey grows from a pick-me girl who lets her romantic relationships determine her fate with self-destructive bend to a healthy, open, confident woman who has family that support her emotionally and professionally at Seattle Grace. Cristina Yang realizes she needs people, that life is not about being an island. She balances her professional ambition with a new compassionate bedside manner and learns how to be vulnerable while being an incredibly strong person.

Blair Waldorf begins the show as a girl who is scheming, afraid to be herself, and afraid to fail and ends the show as a confident woman who knows what she wants and is willing to stand up for herself, support others, and create community in her world instead of tearing others down to make herself feel better. She may love Chuck Bass, but she is willing to walk away from him when he treats her as less than human. I wanted to see this from Nana, and I didn’t.

What I did see was a similar dark romance trope that permeates Twilight, toxic relationships that are abusive, not romantic, and not something women need to endure for love. A good cultural discussion that came out of the It Ends With Us press tour was producer, Justin Baldoni’s commitment to the message of abuse and making sure no interview was complete without raising awareness for an evil that persists in our world. It was in stark contrast to Blake Lively’s cheeky glamorization of this movie, refusing to go there and talk about the serious issues.

That’s what I wanted from Nana, there to be some force that would stop the mistreatment of these women and bring some hope to the story for these women to truly thrive.

Knit Star Keychain Pattern

Back in the spring, I had this grand idea that I would learn how to crochet. I had a friend who crocheted next door, I had recently found TL Yarn Crafts on YouTube. Toni made it look so fun. I was enamored by what I saw others creating with crochet hooks. Crochet rose in mainstream popularity again through 2020 and beyond in 2024.

My Impression of Crochet

The internet is chock full of crochet plushies, dresses, sweaters, bags – you name it you can crochet it. I didn’t see this kind of creativity from my corner of the knitting internet. I had this impression that knitters were serious and crocheters were mavericks. So the hook was calling to me.

I bought a crochet hook and spent a few weeks watching videos, perusing a book my neighbor lent me, and getting the hook into some loops. It’s a weird transition from knitting. I apparatus from two is a change. There is a posture, one hand, and yarn holding. There is a new way to keep yarn tension, and there are a lot of new stitches. There was more emphasis on turning your work than the orientation of the wrong side and right side. Single crochet and double crochet were not a one-for-one of knit and purl. That surprised me.

Granny squares were a bit more involved than I expected. It’s an art form that deserves respect. I definitely respect it. It kept me back, I had the tightest tension and felt like I had never done yarn crafting before. I was shocked, shouldn’t this be a piece of cake? I’ve been knitting off and on since 2012. Yeah, it’s not that simple.

Fluff Around and Find Out

To be honest, the way that I learn best is to just go for it, and doing these basic crochet stitches on a project that was a rectangle, all while it looked like a tattered mess was discouraging. I wanted to make one of the little plushies or shapes that seemed to be a sculpture that only crochet could create. But I was seriously not getting it. So I paused and thought about it. Is there any way to apply this creative point of you, the sculpting of yarn that only crochet can, but try it with knitting needles?

This might seem weird to consider if you don’t knit or crochet but the processes seem vastly different to me. There’s a strategy to knitting. You have to do things in stages, like knitting a section and transferring stitches to a stitch minder or picking up stitches that were bound off or are just part of a knit edge. While crocheting builds on itself and is an amorphous thing that is truly sculpting and adding as you go.

So I decided, what if I made something with the sculpting element of crochet but with knitting steps. I decided on a star as you can see above that was crafted out of multiple knit sections that were stitched together. This pattern has a lot of little steps but I think it was effective.

Star Knitting Pattern

Star Point Diamond – Row 1: Cast on, Knit 1, Row 2: Purl 1, Add Stitch, Row 3: Knit 2, Add Stitch, Row 4: Purl 3, Add Stitch, Row 5: Knit 4, Add Stitch, Row 6: Purl 5, Row 7: Knit 4, Decrease 1, Row 8: Purl 3, Decrease 1, Row 9: Knit 2, Decrease 1, Row 10: Purl 1, Decrease 1, Row 11: Knit 1 and Bind Off.

Repeat four times until five are made. Then using a tapestry needle, join the five points together at the center so that you have the base for a star, then join the sides of the diamonds together so that you have a flat star. Repeat the whole process one more time so that you have two flat stars and then sew them together with the tapestry needle.

So now that you have a star what can you do with it? I had planned originally to make a star garland for Christmas, but then the Fire Nation attacked and I had to move.

So we pivot to the bag decoration trend of 2024. This is a combination I’d say of Kpop, Xiaohongshu style trends, and the Japanese Ita bag becoming popular in the West. If you would like to learn more about Ita bags, I would highly recommend Addy’s video on YouTube. And these little stars in the original green and its pink starfish cousin have made excellent DIY plushie keychains.

Finished Product Used as a Keychain

Final Thoughts

I think creativity is about experimentation and learning as you go. I think sometimes it is important to do it the normal way and other times it is more satisfying to try a new method, a new medium, and make something you may not have thought you could. I still have incredible respect for crochet and I also think knitting has more potential than I thought. I have also learned that if a key chain or other small trinkets are not specifically branded I should try making them before I buy. It’s a great way to use up materials in my stash, level up my skills, and keep my consumption down and my wallet happier.

The Scarcity Mindset of Red vs Blue

It’s been a wild ride here in the United States, as everyone around the world has probably followed. As a U.S. resident the opinions, the reactions, and the culture have been like nothing I have seen before. Truly surprising. What has surprised me the most has been the personal ethics and scarecity mindsets I have observed, from my fellow Americans sharing on social media.

The Roar of Social Media

For a land of opportunity and abundance, there are certainly a lot of conflicting opinions on that statement. Some people are quite in touch with the struggles of inflation and the economy and others are participating in conspicuous consumption. Some are lamenting in blue and some are gloating in red, others are calling for retrospection and unity, but one thing has been the common thread – it’s a bigger knot of problems than I ever expected, and untangling this is going to take more time than I think most people are willing to give it.

There is impatience and aggression. A celebration of nastiness on every level that I am shocked by. How long has this nasty edge been living under the surface waiting for us to notice its venom? How does the simple act of Patrick Ta’s eyeshadow being priced at $42 become a hotbed of elitism and premeditated nastiness towards complete strangers on the internet? It’s bizarre and I can only guess it has nothing to do with eyeshadow and more with a deep level of dissatisfaction in our current world.

Loss of Gentleness

I saw increasing pressure from political ads this year to be afraid of what lurks in the blue and the red. The election is over yet I am still getting ads targeting this fear and exploiting our peace for the sake of agenda. It is maddening and disheartening to me that we are allowing our peace to be stolen. Especially the peace of those most vulnerable in society.

I’m observing responses from people I follow who are letting their fear isolate them. I saw a call to clear out friends lists “to control what you can” like burning bridges is healthy advice for all situations. It can be, but it can also lead to a lot of pain and loneliness. Acting on emotions is a shifting sand. When your emotions change how can your choices be healthy and stable in the long run? There is more chance of self-sabotage than true desire.

I have been a bridge burner and when I look back at what fueled my decisions, it was not a healthy mindset. It was one deep in crisis allowing the self-destructive nature to keep me from moving forward. I’m also not writing this to judge anyone. I’m writing this from a place of concern to keep others from making the same mistakes as me. Mistakes that I wish I could take back.

One thing I have taken from these last few weeks is the importance of gentleness and patience. We are fully capable of living in a community with others who disagree with us if we choose to be gracious to one another and respect healthy boundaries. Not playing on each others’ fear or looking for fights. That’s just plain mean and not how you maintain relationships. That has been the number one thing I have noticed through this 2024 election cycle, is the lack of focus on America being one community and learning how to work with each other in our differences.

Truth and Realignment

I’m not saying my culture needs to let bullies keep bullying or evil take root for the sake of peace. I think we need to kick bad out and leave room for the good and the truth to flourish. What I am saying is that I think we need to pause, take a breath, and be willing to try reconciling. If it’s bad and causes more pain, okay, then we stop and reevaluate, but I don’t think it would be.

I think my fellow citizens are weary and lonely. We need each other to embrace our differences to see that we have more common ground than we have let agendas tell us we do.

Thinking purple instead of red and blue would be a good start. Abandoning the scarcity mindset would also be a healthy move toward letting go of fear. Especially as believers, there is nothing to fear if we fully surrender to God.

This has just been on my heart lately, dear reader, and I hope I haven’t offended you. I’ve been feeling creatively off from the sheer amount of negativity being spread. It is draining as an HSP neurodivergent introvert who seeks to spread kindness and love yet can’t fix the pain of people in my community. I wish I could and maybe this post is at least a safe space to ponder and start new conversations? I’m trying to focus on the positive.

We will also be back to our regularly scheduled programming of sewing, knitting, art, Bible Study, and K-pop content soon. This just felt too important to ignore.

Thank you for taking time with me today. I hope you know that you are loved and worthy. Until next time 🫶

Sewing Stretch Fabric Struggles

Do you ever spend time learning a skill just to forget it when you need to use it? That’s me. That’s how I sew stretch fabric on my machine. I just jump in and completely forget that I need to first properly adjust the tension and stitch type or else mayhem ensues. Mayhem like my machine having a nice little snack on my fabric.

Sometimes the machine gets extra bold and drags the hem under into the bobbin’s domain, jamming the machine. This is what I am talking about:

In the moment of panic, when I realize the fabric is stuck down in the machine a few thoughts dance through my mind.

  • Why didn’t you sew this by hand?!
  • You did it, you finally broke the machine you maniac!!
  • It’s ripped to shreds, isn’t it? The whole project might be gone in a moment.
  • This machine hates me. How do other people sew so effortlessly??

But it’s not the machine’s fault and it’s not the fabric that caused this, and it’s not even my fault. It’s morally neutral, it’s an accident and a learning experience to grow from!

As I was writing this, I caught myself crafting sentences to describe the situation with very negative and demeaning language towards myself for making a simple mistake. (A mistake that once I freed the fabric from the machine, I corrected and carried on to make the finished garment. The tight thread tension actually made a happy accident, a lettuce edge hem.)

It is not something that I should hold with such severity against myself that I internally tell myself I am an idiot, a lousy sewist, or useless.

Because how would I respond to hearing someone say that to another person? I would be disappointed in the speaker and make them stop.

How would I respond if I spoke with such aggression to another person? I would be ashamed.

I am learning through these sewing setbacks to temper the internal monologue and be a more gentle and loving person towards myself, to maintain better mental health, and establish the practice in my mind so that I can be a source of gentleness and kindness to others.

How do you speak towards yourself and others when they make a mistake?

Pop Press, Historical Biases, and the Straw Man of Politics

What is historical bias? As I dove deeper into my historical training, it became the elephant in the room of every class discussion and the turf monster of every thesis. It is where worldview intersects with historical interpretation and constructs an invisible wall between historical accuracy and interpretation in our present.

Even with firsthand accounts or eyewitness testimony of events, personal bias, and interpretation passively or actively weave themselves into the evidence. It is inescapable.

Something that I’ve gleaned, with a better understanding of, has been from listening to Biblical scholars meditate through the Greek and Hebrew translations of the Bible aka primary sources. It is truly an extraordinary work to ponder accounts from the past and sift through the biases we have as moderns to catch a fleeting moment of connection with the past filled with as deep of empathy for their pov as we can.

It is fleeting because the easier and more common way we interact with history is through quick and heavily biased source material.

A thesis-first and evidence-second approach, instead of first studying the evidence and letting it reveal the thesis is how we as humans prefer to communicate. But what we will gain if we let the text talk to us. Letting the text speak is similar to the Socratic method except instead of a conversation with people, you let the sources speak.

This does not translate well to our current pace of consuming information. It is slow and requires patience to study and understand the matter at hand from many angles. Therefore the “pop press” way of disseminating information, like the History Channel so often uses, rises from the ashes once again to the far reaches of TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube.

This is not to say that only bad history or bad thesis drafting is a product of social media. I’ve learned wonderful details about a vast array of histories, fashion, language, and culture through these social platforms that I couldn’t have had access to at college, because the experts didn’t exist. Dress History wasn’t even a widely accepted specialty during my time in college. Social Media has provided a platform for niche history lovers to share their passion with a new audience. Social Media also provides a salon of discussion to debunk myths or provide deeper context to a subject that was given the “pop press” treatment.

So why am I writing about this today? I was watching a video from a creator who used to be a fantastic source of fashion and film content, a 2000s historian of girlhood with insightful and researched evidence that let the text speak. The original work was so high caliber that this current slump into heavily biased “historical” fashion videos and content that is just politics loosely veiled as film or fashion-focused, has been a great disappointment to me. The creator is so talented, and to see them be swayed by forces that are in our culture is sad.

Not only a disappointment, but it has shown me how important it is to stay committed to awareness of historical biases and the humble acknowledgment that we can’t talk in absolutes when it comes to interpretation. We have to be open to exploring the sources from many points of view and not let ourselves be mouthpieces of modernity, with the clever out of “victors write history” so what is the point of going deeper.

Victors certainly change history and can try to control its narrative, but history is the story of humanity and is bigger than one group’s manipulation.

For example, in my wheelhouse, I am the descendant of Irish immigrants who were potato farmers in Cork. The Potato Famine was discussed historically as just a blight. Bad luck. Not a big deal. Oh well. The crisis was met with such apathy that Irish clergyman Jonathan Swift, wrote “A Modest Proposal” to draw attention to the British attitude towards the Irish was not unlike the absurdity of his proposal.

But now, we know that this event can be classified as a genocide because the British colonized Ireland for centuries. There was enough food in Ireland until the British stole it and imported it out of their colony of Ireland. The “victors” affect history but their version is not the guaranteed final version forever. They inflict death and destruction but this will not stay in the shadows forever, the light is greater than the dark.

My point is that this summation, “The victors write history” is paltry.

So what started this ramble of historical bias?

A video essay about the history of the Goth aesthetic which had random political bias inserted as fact and a lack of nuance to the conclusions based on a clearly preconceived thesis where evidence was cherry-picked to fill out a video that wasn’t really about Goth style. It was about our Nov 5, 2024 election and unnecessarily put a lot of negativity out into the world instead of talking about the Goth aesthetic.

I believe it’s time that we as a society stop stirring up dissension and casual hate in the name of the political savior. These candidates never save anything. They try their best but they are just humans. Is it worth hating an entire group of people because they hold different views? Never.

No human is perfect, so how can human government create a perfect society? It’s a straw man.

I hope in time, the strong political biases I see swaying storytelling in my culture will sour. Instead, I hope an appetite for deep discussion to understand each side of the coin will spring forth. For truth, for the sake of truth, warts and all. For deeper connection. To understand what people believe and why they believe, with mutual respect, and respect for the biases we hold so that we don’t let our biases keep us from true understanding and continue to fertilize this culture of casual hate I am seeing in 2024.

I hope this post is not too convoluted. I wanted to discuss this without saying what creator I am referring to because it is not them I want to critique but the fallacy they have fallen under and the way they are approaching history, politics, and interpretation of these things without the awareness of their personal bias. It’s creating foolish and unuseful content that reads more as pop press propaganda than well-researched discussion, which is what I think they excel at doing. I believe they are amazing and I want to see their talent shine once again!

Bias is such a difficult thing to wrestle with and I acknowledge that no matter how I tried to check mine at the door, it still persists. I try to hold it loosely and pursue the truth, but I am an imperfect human. 

Thank you, reader, for being here and I hope this was an interesting ramble if nothing else. If I have offended you, I humbly ask for your grace and willingness to love others – enemy or friend, because that is how we will make this world a better place.

#65 – Mario Party Jamboree, Bunny Adoption Prep, and Potatoes

My new favorite way to cook potatoes is by opening a jar of our pressure-canned potatoes and being far ahead in the potato cooking process! I didn’t grow up canning, as I’ve mentioned before in previous posts, so I didn’t know the joy of not having to peel and boil potatoes because you did it beforehand. This was our second time pressure canning potatoes, we did this back in 2023 and put up a year’s worth of potatoes in an evening, not bad a trade-off for several hours of work.

Hot Po-tah-toe, Hot Po-tah-toe

This time we processed 30 lbs and dedicated an entire day to peeling, parboiling, packing, and pressure canning – it was a ton of work but was rewarding. The kitchen in the house made it a lot easier to work in, which is funny because there isn’t that much counter space in our current kitchen. We’ve had to get creative like adding two tables along the wall with the fridge, because the room was pretty empty when we purchased it, and it is a galley style like the kitchen in the previous house we were renting, and yet it felt luxurious which is great!

The addition of our grill to cook meals on while the stove top was in use sterilizing jars and pressure canning was a game changer! No ordering takeout needed or feeling stressed by the clean-up in a hangry state. I think that was the best part! I also liked how we batched the potatoes into two groups of 15 lbs. This provided a rhythm to the process. We processed the 15 lbs of potatoes and then ate lunch while they were in the pressure canner, and then repeated the steps after lunch, then we made pizza in the evening while the last batch was processing.

It gave us 21 jars, I believe, of potatoes that will be a great asset to our pantry. I’m grateful we were able to do this without any mishaps. Each time we do a food preservation project I feel less like a fish out of water. It’s starting to become a tradition in my life, instead of an alien practice that scares me.

Let’s Jamboree, Buddy!

Mario Party Jamboree came on October 17, it’s the third installment of the game for the Nintendo Switch, although there are many more versions of this game from previous systems that I would love to play if I had a chance. This one caught our eye for the innovative boards, the vast amount of playable characters, and the new twist of the Jamboree Buddy. A character that appears on the board and will be your ally for a stretch of turns.

We’ve played four of the seven boards so far – Mega Wiggler’s Tree Party, Rainbow Galleria, Goomba Lagoon, and Roll’em Raceway – the most innovative of the four, in my opinion. Roll’em Raceway combines features of Mario Kart – a track and racecar, with the board game style of Mario Party. It’s fun and irritating because the track gives you a guaranteed stop at Boo.

Goomba Lagoon is a favorite of ours for the introduction of high tide and low tide, which changes the paths on the board. There are also ziplines and a volcano that can shoot coin-collecting or coin-stealing opportunities onto the board. I like the pirate vibes of this board!

Rainbow Galleria feels like we’re finally let loose in the Coconut Mall racetrack from Mario Kart, but instead of racing, there are multiple levels of stores in this mall with escalators and elevators to move between the levels. It puts the focus on shopping which is unique, there is also a stamp rally attached to the board. I like these features and despite its difficulty rating of 4/5 stars, I think it was one of the most approachable of the new boards.

The final board we have played so far is Mega Wiggler’s Tree Party which feels like the perfect land for the Great British Bakeoff Tent to be! It’s a cutesy cottage-core board with mega wiggler, shy guy tea parties, goombas making pancakes, and more! I like the “normal” format of this board. It’s a classic, like Woody Woods.

My favorite new characters are Spike, Toadette, Toad, and the Goomba. My opinion of the Jamboree Buddy feature is mixed, and I think it depends on which option of ally spawns. They all have unique skills and the competition to earn their allyship is also different from character to character.

For me, it depends on how the individual game is going. If it is a game that is dragging on, I dread the notification that a player has reached the Jamboree Buddy. So far Wario and Donkey Kong have been the allies that I enjoy, Bowser Jr. and Mario have been the least interesting to me. Yoshi’s competition was dang difficult! I was not expecting his to be my least favorite to participate in. I love Yoshi. He’s my ult bias of the Mario franchise.

Operation Bun Bun Binkies

We applied to adopt a rabbit from our local rabbit rescue, the largest dedicated rabbit rescue in the North East. This amazing no-kill shelter is a gem for their work to save rabbits from abuse and neglect, to give them the place to heal and be ready for adoption, and their work in the community to show what makes rabbits such an amazing animal, won us over when we visited a few weeks ago. The rescue is named E.A.R.S. or Erie Area Rabbit Society (and Rescue).

We have been busy preparing for this next step, researching veterinarians, proper rabbit diet, and proper habitat guidelines to make our house a safe and welcoming environment for our new furry friend. It’s been a roller coaster for me as I don’t like change, but I know that we are ready for this step and want to give a deserving bunny a home. I’m hoping to share more about this process and E.A.R.S. as we continue to move forward.

Did you know that rabbits are the 3rd most popular pet after dogs and cats in the United States? They are also abandoned at an alarming rate, usually in the wild, and quickly die. This is because they are not wild animals, and have been bred to be pets not to survive in the wild. It’s estimated that 4 out of 5 rabbits bought at Easter are abandoned.

They are also bought as “starter” pets that are dumped when people lose interest. They are bred as a way to make a quick buck and are kept in inhumane conditions, it’s a growing problem that needs to be addressed in my home country. Not to mention the issue of animal testing, which uses rabbits as experiments for cosmetic development. Rabbits can’t speak for themselves and we need to speak for them. It’s something that God has really put on my heart. They are incredibly gentle, loving, social, and intelligent animals that we are misunderstanding. I’d like to be a part of changing that.

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