Tag: personal development

2025 Intentions

Have you ever watched one of the Top Gear UK challenges, from the good old days of Clarkson, May, and Hammond?

The amphibious cars, DIY caravans, lorry drivers, hot-hatchbacks, cheap Porsches, etc. There is one thing in common. There is a scoreboard, the points make no sense, it’s all a big laugh, and on that terrible disappointment, it’s time to end.

This is what I equate growing an Instagram was like in 2024.

I did the things. I’ve made many pieces of content across stories, reels, and posts. I’ve sewn and knit a varied amount of things. I’ve done silly trends, serious reviews, inspirational posts, filmed tutorials, recorded thoughtful voice overs, and participated in the “add yours” cards on stories.

I turned on metrics. I carefully analyzed posting times, consistently shared things to keep engagement up, took breaks to avoid spamming, carefully thought of 3-second hooks, transcribed subtitles, filmed artistic shots, and agonized over lighting. I networked, supported other creators, and tried to make genuine connections. Got burned a few times by people who only interacted with me for the follow and stopped talking to me and following me after months of supporting them. It’s tricky making friends on that platform. Connections are either amazing, lovely people, or not at all. I met several lovely people too, it wasn’t all bad.

I ended the year with higher engagement, more friends, and negative or neutral growth depending on the refresh. The metrics contradict themselves constantly. I’ve lost as many followers as I’ve gained. I’ve learned I had ghost followers who were keeping my engagement low. I also had accounts following me that left the platform through Meta’s deactivation due to idleness. It’s one of the worst algorithms, showing your followers your posts days after you share them. Zuckerberg, do better.

I ended 2024 feeling like I was on a Top Gear challenge. Meta added and subtracted points to my metrics total willy nilly, like Richard Hammond getting minus “exactly the points he had” so that he ends with naught. It was nonsensical and mind-boggling. This platform provides no satisfaction in what you accomplish.  I got one point here, minus a thousand there, 20 points for this task – yada, yada, yada.

So 2025, what am I doing with my time? What am I working towards? I am going to write more and move on from growing an Instagram account to open a shop. Not interested anymore. It’s not happening and I think it’s a blessing. Fiber art creation is going back to being a hobby. I’m not going to be a fashion designer, or a pattern designer, or a sewing educator, or a part of fixing fashion. I am going to make things I like and have fun, and share what I want where I choose for the fun of it. I have a backlog of projects that I haven’t shared here because of the distraction of Instagram. I am looking forward to writing more, new things, and celebrating the victory of finishing the Udal Cuain manuscript. Available to peruse here. I’m going to do art, I’m going to garden, to bake, learn things, and work hard. I’m excited about it. The key intention is to focus on fulfillment over productivity, and when my to-do list is crossed off to feel fulfilled, not productive.

What are your plans or goals for 2025?

#68 – Snow, Stardew, Fires, and Mia

I forgot it is bloganuary—whoops! I am in peak hibernation mode. It’s been holding a steady cold here in my hometown, snowing almost every day. It’s like Winter in Stardew Valley, a wash in frozen foliage and dazzling flakes.

Kyle and I have been farming, mining, and fishing in Pelicantown a lot in the new year. No game fills the slow, winter slumber like this one. I love its 28-game-day season structure, compared to Animal Crossing New Horizons. I was in summer to begin 2025, and quickly moved to fall and through winter last weekend. Now, as the large winter storm moved through the eastern United States, spring blooms in the valley, and with it I am reminded that this cold, snowy time will be here for a time and gone as quick as it came.

I wish I could say the same for the wildfires in Los Angeles. Each day I pray for containment, wisdom, and comfort for those who suffered loss beyond what I can comprehend. (Monetary support will be donated soon as well.) It’s shocking to see how quickly and destructive fire is. On the news, they said the Pacific Palisades fire alone has burned an area larger than Manhattan. It’s a scale that is hard to comprehend and it’s only one of four fires that have happened. It’s absolutely heartbreaking.

On a positive note, we have re-bonded with our rescue bunny, Mia at a slow and steady pace. It was rough for a few days not knowing what to do and if she would be happy here again. I am grateful for the encouragement of my parents to be patience and not give up. We did a lot of reading on Reddit. The rabbit subreddit was a lifesaver actually because the shelter was slow to respond to our questions about how to re-bond with Mia.

It’s like a relationship with a human, where trust is everything. Treats certainly help. Freezing in place when something startles her helps. Watching for crows, shutting curtains, and placing blankets or cushions outside of her pen as extra protection from the vacuum was a good idea too. Reddit helped me understand that every rabbit is different. Bunnies can be scared of the most random things, like video game noises instead of fireworks. The key thing is that it takes time for not just her to get used to us and the noises of our house, but we need time to get used to her and her noises. It’s been an enlightening experience in community and interpersonal relationships.

I hope wherever you are, you are safe. Until next time ❤

24 Month Japanese Update

To be a good student, one must show up to class. This was my downfall in 2024. To be fair moving and buying a house literally blew up all my goals, but so did my intention to grow my Instagram. With these distractions, Japanese was not my priority for three-quarters of 2024, and I’m ashamed to say 2024 was a wash for progress.

But there was one bright spot in the year, I found a new learning app for Japanese called renshuu. With renshuu, I was able to dive into learning Japanese syntax and begin learning how to think in Japanese. It helped me see phrases and sentence structure so when I was watching videos with Japanese subtitles or listening to Japanese spoken or sung, my mind was primed to notice the familiar building blocks.

Another feature I liked about renshuu was its user-friendliness. The renshuu app developers seemed to care about learning, ahem, compared to the green owl, my learning nemesis named Duo. renshuu has Kao which looks like a mochi-based character which is our language learning guide.

Like I believe I mentioned before, I spent the fall watching Haikyuu for language immersion and a little Nana. In addition, Stray Kids’ Giant album was a Japanese release so I have been listening to music in Japanese too. The songs ‘Falling Up’ and ‘Night’ I played on repeat after their release with the new season of anime, Tower of God. I’m hoping I learned more passively than I believe. It’s hard not to feel discouraged by my lack of focus. I like excelling at things, but I can’t excel if I don’t try. My focus for my language learning in 2025 is simply to do it, no more excuses.

Are you learning a language? How do you stay focused? I wish you well on your language-learning journey, be a better student than me! Until next time, thanks for hanging out with me today. You reader, keep me accountable to keep learning Japanese.

Can It End With You and Them?

I think the most shocking thing for me from the aftermath of the ‘It Ends With Us’ film and subsequent press tour has not been Blake Lively’s seemingly out-of-touch behavior by promoting her brands alongside this movie nor the disturbing allegations detailed in the 80-page lawsuit filed by Lively against Baldoni and Wayfarer Studios, but it is that this movie and novel which at their core are about domestic violence continue to skate around the subject matter instead of using this project to help bring real change to our culture.

After looking at the PDF of the lawsuit, I question all motive behind any of the money Baldoni’s company donated to the charity No More, because the details in this lawsuit are too specific to be made out of thin air, in my opinion. There are cell phone screenshots and bizarre accounts from the set of behavior that is straight up inappropriate for any work place. So many that I’m not sure one person could manage that many levels of lies. If Blake Lively was able to pull this out of thin air, she needs to start writing books, because dang it is layered and disturbing.

George Constanza said it best when he explained how to con people, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.” That seems to be what the production held as their mantra because a movie about domestic violence with unsafe work environment screams delusion and narcissist behavior. Things that the internet is still giving Baldoni a pass on and heralding Lively as a crazy woman for reporting in her lawasuit. It’s very strange to me. How can we forget the ‘Me Too’ movement so rashly? What about Harvey Weinstein and Prince Andrew? The infamous Epstein list? Or the unfolding case of Diddy? Like Prohibition in the United States was installed to stem the tide of domestice violence, in my state of Pennsylvania, during the 2020 lockdown, alcohol sales were limited by the Governor to get ahead of the problem. On Live on Patrol, the Ramsey County sheriff department can attest to how the rate of domestic violence corresponds to the weather, with winter being the time they get the most reports of violence at home. It’s a well documented problem in America. So why would it not be possible on this film set at the hands of a handsome guy claiming he wants to help women? Just think about it. Do all bad people look like bad people?

There is a rampant evil that has pervaded every corner of our world, so I fully believe everything in that 80-page lawsuit could be proven true in court. Power is an influence that corrupts. Hollywood is powerful and has a long standing history of unsafe conditions going all the way back to the golden age, when doctors prescribed uppers and downers to keep stars working, making the studio money, instead of caring for the actor’s wellbeing. This happened to Judy Garland on the set of the Wizard of Oz when she was only 17. Now do I believe all film companies are bad and everyone is just there to use and abuse people to make millions? No, not at all. I think there are good people and bad people everywhere, in every industry.

I also think two things can be true at once. I think that Lively can be a victim worthy of our compassion and can also be a self-absorbed human that made questionable decisions, when she marketed her products during a movie that called for wisdom and tact. But I think we should all be given grace. Yes internet, give her a break. I also think we should held accountable for our actions in order to grow, and I don’t think Baldoni, Wayfarer Studios and the others named in the lawsuit have been held accountable by society. I think Lively has because Lively is rich, she pretty, she has played some mean girl roles and I think those roles stick in our minds more than we realize. If the actress who played Blair Waldorf, Leighton Meister, was in this movie I think society may have a different view because Blair was a more sympathetic character. The Weekend faced similar backlash to Lively, after his character in ‘The Idol’ because we as humans blur the lines between performance and real life. I find it weird that Baldoni is not facing the same backlash as The Weekend when they both portrayed abusive men, why is Baldoni special?

Simply, I believe because we don’t know these people and so our imaginations fill in the blanks. I think as humans we get jealous of successful, beautiful people and enjoy tearing them down. Baldoni has the novelty of being more unknown and can shape shift, if that’s what he is doing.

I’m trying to keep an open mind, and respect the fact that these are allegations but it is hard to not question all his motives when he separated himself from the group during the press tour and so eloquently spoke about ending domestic violence. It was an excellent opportunity to build a case against Lively and discredit her. I’ve personally experienced this from men and women in my life, they entrap you before you realize it and then scapegoat your reputation to cover their own bad behavior. It’s bizarre to me that the film production of this story, ‘It Ends With Us’ was filled with so many cross overs to the subject matter. In some ways it appears, in my opinion, that Wayfarer and Baldoni, have such a hero complex that they are unaware of the darkness in their actions and the hubris of hurting women on a set that was portraying the story of a woman who is abused.

It’s like how Colleen Hoover writes these books that have such dark and triggering subject matter, and some people still think its a romance novel, or in Hoover’s case, that trigger warnings aren’t needed for her books. It’s such a bizarre universe that makes me question what is the point of the art?

For Hoover, is it to educate and bring awareness to domestic violence? Is it to sell books because violence and violence against women sell? Hollywood would seem to prove this point with how violent and disrespectful they are two female characters with the stories that are greenlit. For Baldoni, why did he choose to adapt this film? Was it to tell a story to reach his fellow men to change their hearts or is he a dangerous narcissist that thrives on this kind of treatment of women? For Lively, why did she choose this project? Was it to inspire hope for women who are survivors and tell their story or was it for her personal brand, to boost her product sales? I don’t know.

I think in advertently this movie and the drama surrounding it, including the public opinions swirling around the internet, show that I don’t think we as a society are taking this seriously enough. Even myself, who although I experienced the trauma of having an abusive biological father, I was quick to fall for Baldoni’s interviews and found myself disgusted with Lively because of how little she seemed to care about a subject that was so important. I may have fallen for the lies, again. I don’t think this issue is a problem that can be tackled through movies or books to create real change. With every book and movie I question, where the does the line blur into glorification? And why, when so many people experience domestic violence and abuse, do we have to read it replayed in books or portrayed on screen? I think we are fully aware of the problem and are giving the evil acts too much room to live rent-free in our imaginations.

Domestic violence, narcissists, sociopaths, and abuse are woven well into the fabric of society so well that it is hard to unravel it completely. The cycles of trauma carry down through generations. It’s a ripple on a lake, fanning out farther and farther.

I hope that whatever comes out of this unfolding lawsuit, that the real evil is exposed and that it creates real conversations for change so that we keep our eyes and ears open to those in our midst that are suffering silently from dangerous people lurking in their homes, their families, and the workplace. I also hope that the actors involved, on both sides, the studio, and the author will think more about the victims of domestic violence and get involved. They have money, influence, and could do some good in our communities if they would think outside the bubbles they are in. I also hope as a society we begin to consider the kind of content we consume, so that tales of abuse can never again be marketed as a romance story, cause that’s sick and wrong, in my opinion.

Black Friday and Cyber Monday in 2024

Have you claimed your deal yet? What are you waiting for? Has every platform, company, or application on your device prompted you to check out their coupon code for an amazing, one-time-only deal?

This year has felt different. Maybe it’s the economy of the United States in 2024, or perhaps it’s the fatigue of advertisements from how many ways we see them nowadays. The Christmas shopping season took on a new flavor in 2020. Sales migrated online, and shopping days—Black Friday and Cyber Monday—became “Black Friday all month” and “Cyber Week.” I feel like Charlie Brown, I’m aghast at the rampant consumerism, which leads me to believe I have changed.

I think it is the amazing work of normal people who have started talking about the current tour-de-force of consumerism that is becoming normalized in first-world nations. I started taking serious note of this during Fashion Roadman live streams, where he discussed the voracious gains of the conglomerates – Kering and LVMH to grow every quarter. While growth was sought, prices soared, and quality took a nosedive. How was this happening? This was a never-ending I sought to learn more about throughout 2024, and along the way, I discovered the web of destruction that almost every company is caught in. Cheaper materials, cheaper production, the global south, slave labor conditions, child labor, toxic chemicals, microplastics, lithium mining, and planned obsolescence. That is as concise as I can get, and trust me, there is so much I’d like to write about on this topic.

How does this connect to Black Friday and Cyber Monday? Well, I used to have a bit of a shopping addiction. This season used to wreck my bank account. Saying no to things I didn’t need because I like clothes was difficult, as dumb as it sounds. It was my way of hiding from my problems by giving me a little treat. I wasted a lot of money and time working to make up for the financial consequences of my actions. Most importantly, it never gave me true happiness. So, if you are struggling with all these sales being shoved in your face, I feel you.

I did go to my local Premier Outlets on Black Friday to pick up a gift for my stepdad and was immediately tempted by the sales and a cute pair of pants I had seen the day before from Old Navy. That’s where being aware of how and where our clothing is being made can really help to wake up to the noise – I remembered where Old Navy makes their clothing in the global south in countries like Bangladesh, where labor conditions are despicable. I snapped out of it. Does this mean I will never shop from Old Navy or another company like them? No, because the system is broken, and all clothing and manufacturing are tainted right now by the Temu and Shein models. But it is helping to only buy if I need something and try to upcycle or make the garment so I can understand how much goes into the process of the garment worker.

Ironically, as I was leaving I saw a sign on the Forever 21 store that they accept Shein returns. We all know where those are going.

This brings me to what actually sparked this post today, it was an email I received from Converse, which advertised a Cyber Monday 75% off sale on everything! Yeah, that’s what the email said. Dubiously, I clicked the link to check it out. I had heard that Nike (the owner of Converse) had a slow 3rd quarter and is falling behind Adidas in the 2020s due to the popularity of the Samba and Blokecore in recent years. Maybe it was true to make Q4 a success? I was surprised by what I saw!

I was surprised to see nothing even approaching 75% off. Either there were a few items that sold out, and the 75% off is gone, or this deal was carefully worded to get traffic. I was disappointed. This goes along with many deals I saw this year on Black Friday and today on Cyber Monday. It’s lackluster. I was looking at colors to touch up my roots and saw that Arctic Fox was running a cyber deal through Amazon, and it was more expensive than the price it was advertised when I purchased it. So what is my point? Be wise and buy what you need when you can afford it, but don’t let the talons of consumerism dig into your wallet this year because there is a cost, and we can’t afford the cost of hyperconsumerism on our fellow humans in the global south, the planet, or our finances.

I saw a short clip someone shared that said on Black Friday, everything is being sold for the price they want. I can attest to receiving junky quality items that were being sold as Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals. It’s a web, but let’s marinate on the problems being brought to light and fight together to solve this problem. I think in time we can sort this out.

I hope wherever you are, you are feeling warm (if you are a Northern Hemisphere person, winter is in full force here!) and know that you were made for a purpose. Thank you for spending time with me today. ❤

#66 – Pies, C-PTSD, and Learning How To Move Forward

It’s been a complicated week. I had plans to start blogging every day, to clean my house in one day not over several to prepare for hosting Thanksgiving. I also thought my pie crust would roll out with ease. Nothing went to plan.

It started with the couch breaking. One evening we noticed the leg fell off the mid-support but instead of buying a new one (Have you seen the price of couches lately? Yikes. Dubious quality to boot.) we opted to fix it. Improve it really. That was a bump in the road, the couch is stronger, and we have storage, but then we hit a pothole.

It’s like our rescue rabbit Mia unbonded to us. She became irritable and aggressive and would thrash around her room. She bites at us, growls at us, and won’t let us do normal things like sweep out her area. This whole situation is discouraging because how will we be able to properly care for her if she won’t let us? I never experienced this with my previous rabbit, Midnight, or with my family dog, Sully.

I was thrown into a murky mental pool. I have some deep memories from childhood of my dad that terrify me when loud outbursts happen. How could this happen? This rabbit I was so excited to adopt and give a loving home, was suddenly a source of triggering panic.

Cleaning ground to a halt. Kyle’s woodworking is uncertain. Walking through the office and living room tense, uncertain, scary, as the furball held us in her grip of territorial fury. She began to destroy the floor filling me with despair.

Every little part of preparing for the holiday felt treacherous as the C-PTSD clouded me from the reality of the tasks in front of me to the mountains of my mind. The craggy, inhospitable rock that has been too high to climb. I didn’t expect this random experience to cause such pain and confusion in my mind.

But the clock kept moving forward and things still needed to be done. This holiday we looked toward with joy could not become a thing we wanted to run from. It was our first holiday here.

Living as a human can be so tough. We are all broken and have hidden scars that can be reopened in the blink of an eye. What has been the most challenging part of this week has been where I find my pauses to take a breath. Finding opportunities in the chaos to recenter instead of giving up.

Making those pies was one of those moments of joy in the center of the storm. Cutting the Crisco into the flour is rhythmic. Feeling the sand become dough, stimming. Rolling out the crust and having it fall apart, is tragic! Finding the inspiration to make the difficult crust mold into the pie tin anyway, is a victory!

Seeing the smiles the pumpkin and apple pie brought to my family filled me with warmth. Yesterday, was a wonderful day. Yes because the food was delicious, but more so for the reminder that what makes the day special is being next to my loved ones and reflecting on the year and what blessings we received despite the chaos of life.

I hope you know that you are loved, dear reader and that you remember not to give up!

I Tried Watching Nana

Aside from Haikyuu and One Piece, Nana was the most recommended Anime I have watched. It was mainly recommended in fashion discourse in the TikTok fashion sphere and on YouTube for its spin on street style, punk, 90s fashion, and accessorizing with elaborate detail.

These fans praise creator Ai Yazawa’s Nana for its Vivienne Westwood references and innovative looks. As I expected, the fashion was inspiring. It captures the 90s and early 2000s Japanese fashion in a way that makes my heart warm because that’s how I first got into fashion—watching ANTM’s Cycle 3 and their finale trip to Tokyo. But there was one hiccup—I can’t get into the story.

Nana is a Work of Art

Now before Nana stans click out, I can explain why I am not a fan but can appreciate the artistic duality of the storytelling, while critiquing the worldview of the narrative.

I’ve previously mentioned that I’m not an anime fan, that I had watched Fruits Basket and some Trigun and it was enjoyable but did not grip me the same way a Kdrama can. Since then I have started watching Haikyuu and fell in love with the anime style and its storytelling in Haikyuu’s seasons. Going into Nana, I was excited to watch a new anime style. The artwork is different, older, and grittier like a film noir.

The storytelling was unique, and non-linear at the beginning, and featured two storylines of Nana O. and Nana K, a duality that Ai Yazawa put a lot of thought into. Her passion is clear from the art style, the complicated characters, and the darkness of human life that she explores. I appreciate the inner monologues of the characters, and the way that they feel real because they are flawed, and downright annoying sometimes, but I couldn’t find myself rooting for any character and walked away from the series after two attempts to watch through.

Struggles with the Story

Misogyny and the age of consent, are two things I was not expecting to be major storylines in this tale but there it was. It was hard to watch the disrespect and absolutely dangerous decision-making of Nana K in 2024 as an American with some of the headlines we have had of assault on college campuses and by powerful people in the culture. Me Too changed things and made this normality of the 1990s and 2000s a thing that was no longer going to be passively tolerated. For that, I am thankful to be living on this side of the 2010s and its cultural upheaval because when I encounter stories where the female characters are not being respected and accepting this toxic masculinity and normal, as the viewer it is outrageous.

My standard is now the ladies of Brooklyn Nine-Nine who demand respect and get it because the male characters on the squad are respectful. The characters of Gina Linetti, Rosa Diaz, and Amy Santiago have ambition, and desire love, but understand they are enough and don’t need guys to make them whole. I didn’t see that in my watch of the Nana show. They also support each other with maturity, and Nana K is simply not mature and despite Nana O’s heart, it can’t make up for the deficit, in my opinion. I know that their friendship is hailed for its feminism but I think the best friendships in storytelling have two mature people who have grown and developed into characters that have depth and true, selfless love for each other.

This show felt triggering for its realistic depiction of toxic relationships in both friendships and romantic relationships, which dug up memories from my teens and twenties of feeling lonely by the cloud of darkness bad relationships held me in. Like Skins UK, I could feel the pain, the emptiness, and the struggle in my veins by how emotionally charged the story is. But as Effie can send me into a depressed spiral, I felt the same from Nana. Art should make you feel, but not harm efforts to have good mental health, so as I made the decision to stop to protect my peace, I encourage you to have healthy boundaries with shows that can trigger you, dear reader. It doesn’t mean you are a wimp or that the show is bad, just that it isn’t a good fit for you because it is damaging your calm, to quote Jayne Cobb, from Firefly.

Girlhood, Dark Romance, and the Pick Me Girl

Something that may be holding me back from embracing Nana could be my culture and similar western media I have already grown up with which taught me the same lessons through their stories. As I mentioned before I see many parallels between Skins UK and Nana. They are both edgy, the characters are working through their own pain and finding their own solutions like by dulling the pain with alcohol or love. There is the female friendship in Nana like Meredith and Cristina in Grey’s Anatomy and the toxic relationships in Gossip Girl with the complicated friendship of Blair and Serena.

I found Grey’s Anatomy and Gossip Girl during the end of high school and watched both into college, a time that is full of turbulence. Something that Nana nailed, and I think if I had found Nana first it maybe the coming of age guidebook for me that Grey’s Anatomy and Gossip Girl were during those weird years. I think that both Gossip Girl and Grey’s Anatomy have more character arcs for their female protagonists than Nana, with Serena Van Der Woodsen being the only one I’d say didn’t grow much at all. Blair, Meredith, and Cristina all show tremendous growth by the end of their stories. (Yes, I know Grey’s Anatomy carries on but Sandra Oh left the show in 2014 and I personally stopped watching in 2019 so Grey’s has an end to me.)

Meredith Grey grows from a pick-me girl who lets her romantic relationships determine her fate with self-destructive bend to a healthy, open, confident woman who has family that support her emotionally and professionally at Seattle Grace. Cristina Yang realizes she needs people, that life is not about being an island. She balances her professional ambition with a new compassionate bedside manner and learns how to be vulnerable while being an incredibly strong person.

Blair Waldorf begins the show as a girl who is scheming, afraid to be herself, and afraid to fail and ends the show as a confident woman who knows what she wants and is willing to stand up for herself, support others, and create community in her world instead of tearing others down to make herself feel better. She may love Chuck Bass, but she is willing to walk away from him when he treats her as less than human. I wanted to see this from Nana, and I didn’t.

What I did see was a similar dark romance trope that permeates Twilight, toxic relationships that are abusive, not romantic, and not something women need to endure for love. A good cultural discussion that came out of the It Ends With Us press tour was producer, Justin Baldoni’s commitment to the message of abuse and making sure no interview was complete without raising awareness for an evil that persists in our world. It was in stark contrast to Blake Lively’s cheeky glamorization of this movie, refusing to go there and talk about the serious issues.

That’s what I wanted from Nana, there to be some force that would stop the mistreatment of these women and bring some hope to the story for these women to truly thrive.

Knit Star Keychain Pattern

Back in the spring, I had this grand idea that I would learn how to crochet. I had a friend who crocheted next door, I had recently found TL Yarn Crafts on YouTube. Toni made it look so fun. I was enamored by what I saw others creating with crochet hooks. Crochet rose in mainstream popularity again through 2020 and beyond in 2024.

My Impression of Crochet

The internet is chock full of crochet plushies, dresses, sweaters, bags – you name it you can crochet it. I didn’t see this kind of creativity from my corner of the knitting internet. I had this impression that knitters were serious and crocheters were mavericks. So the hook was calling to me.

I bought a crochet hook and spent a few weeks watching videos, perusing a book my neighbor lent me, and getting the hook into some loops. It’s a weird transition from knitting. I apparatus from two is a change. There is a posture, one hand, and yarn holding. There is a new way to keep yarn tension, and there are a lot of new stitches. There was more emphasis on turning your work than the orientation of the wrong side and right side. Single crochet and double crochet were not a one-for-one of knit and purl. That surprised me.

Granny squares were a bit more involved than I expected. It’s an art form that deserves respect. I definitely respect it. It kept me back, I had the tightest tension and felt like I had never done yarn crafting before. I was shocked, shouldn’t this be a piece of cake? I’ve been knitting off and on since 2012. Yeah, it’s not that simple.

Fluff Around and Find Out

To be honest, the way that I learn best is to just go for it, and doing these basic crochet stitches on a project that was a rectangle, all while it looked like a tattered mess was discouraging. I wanted to make one of the little plushies or shapes that seemed to be a sculpture that only crochet could create. But I was seriously not getting it. So I paused and thought about it. Is there any way to apply this creative point of you, the sculpting of yarn that only crochet can, but try it with knitting needles?

This might seem weird to consider if you don’t knit or crochet but the processes seem vastly different to me. There’s a strategy to knitting. You have to do things in stages, like knitting a section and transferring stitches to a stitch minder or picking up stitches that were bound off or are just part of a knit edge. While crocheting builds on itself and is an amorphous thing that is truly sculpting and adding as you go.

So I decided, what if I made something with the sculpting element of crochet but with knitting steps. I decided on a star as you can see above that was crafted out of multiple knit sections that were stitched together. This pattern has a lot of little steps but I think it was effective.

Star Knitting Pattern

Star Point Diamond – Row 1: Cast on, Knit 1, Row 2: Purl 1, Add Stitch, Row 3: Knit 2, Add Stitch, Row 4: Purl 3, Add Stitch, Row 5: Knit 4, Add Stitch, Row 6: Purl 5, Row 7: Knit 4, Decrease 1, Row 8: Purl 3, Decrease 1, Row 9: Knit 2, Decrease 1, Row 10: Purl 1, Decrease 1, Row 11: Knit 1 and Bind Off.

Repeat four times until five are made. Then using a tapestry needle, join the five points together at the center so that you have the base for a star, then join the sides of the diamonds together so that you have a flat star. Repeat the whole process one more time so that you have two flat stars and then sew them together with the tapestry needle.

So now that you have a star what can you do with it? I had planned originally to make a star garland for Christmas, but then the Fire Nation attacked and I had to move.

So we pivot to the bag decoration trend of 2024. This is a combination I’d say of Kpop, Xiaohongshu style trends, and the Japanese Ita bag becoming popular in the West. If you would like to learn more about Ita bags, I would highly recommend Addy’s video on YouTube. And these little stars in the original green and its pink starfish cousin have made excellent DIY plushie keychains.

Finished Product Used as a Keychain

Final Thoughts

I think creativity is about experimentation and learning as you go. I think sometimes it is important to do it the normal way and other times it is more satisfying to try a new method, a new medium, and make something you may not have thought you could. I still have incredible respect for crochet and I also think knitting has more potential than I thought. I have also learned that if a key chain or other small trinkets are not specifically branded I should try making them before I buy. It’s a great way to use up materials in my stash, level up my skills, and keep my consumption down and my wallet happier.

The Scarcity Mindset of Red vs Blue

It’s been a wild ride here in the United States, as everyone around the world has probably followed. As a U.S. resident the opinions, the reactions, and the culture have been like nothing I have seen before. Truly surprising. What has surprised me the most has been the personal ethics and scarecity mindsets I have observed, from my fellow Americans sharing on social media.

The Roar of Social Media

For a land of opportunity and abundance, there are certainly a lot of conflicting opinions on that statement. Some people are quite in touch with the struggles of inflation and the economy and others are participating in conspicuous consumption. Some are lamenting in blue and some are gloating in red, others are calling for retrospection and unity, but one thing has been the common thread – it’s a bigger knot of problems than I ever expected, and untangling this is going to take more time than I think most people are willing to give it.

There is impatience and aggression. A celebration of nastiness on every level that I am shocked by. How long has this nasty edge been living under the surface waiting for us to notice its venom? How does the simple act of Patrick Ta’s eyeshadow being priced at $42 become a hotbed of elitism and premeditated nastiness towards complete strangers on the internet? It’s bizarre and I can only guess it has nothing to do with eyeshadow and more with a deep level of dissatisfaction in our current world.

Loss of Gentleness

I saw increasing pressure from political ads this year to be afraid of what lurks in the blue and the red. The election is over yet I am still getting ads targeting this fear and exploiting our peace for the sake of agenda. It is maddening and disheartening to me that we are allowing our peace to be stolen. Especially the peace of those most vulnerable in society.

I’m observing responses from people I follow who are letting their fear isolate them. I saw a call to clear out friends lists “to control what you can” like burning bridges is healthy advice for all situations. It can be, but it can also lead to a lot of pain and loneliness. Acting on emotions is a shifting sand. When your emotions change how can your choices be healthy and stable in the long run? There is more chance of self-sabotage than true desire.

I have been a bridge burner and when I look back at what fueled my decisions, it was not a healthy mindset. It was one deep in crisis allowing the self-destructive nature to keep me from moving forward. I’m also not writing this to judge anyone. I’m writing this from a place of concern to keep others from making the same mistakes as me. Mistakes that I wish I could take back.

One thing I have taken from these last few weeks is the importance of gentleness and patience. We are fully capable of living in a community with others who disagree with us if we choose to be gracious to one another and respect healthy boundaries. Not playing on each others’ fear or looking for fights. That’s just plain mean and not how you maintain relationships. That has been the number one thing I have noticed through this 2024 election cycle, is the lack of focus on America being one community and learning how to work with each other in our differences.

Truth and Realignment

I’m not saying my culture needs to let bullies keep bullying or evil take root for the sake of peace. I think we need to kick bad out and leave room for the good and the truth to flourish. What I am saying is that I think we need to pause, take a breath, and be willing to try reconciling. If it’s bad and causes more pain, okay, then we stop and reevaluate, but I don’t think it would be.

I think my fellow citizens are weary and lonely. We need each other to embrace our differences to see that we have more common ground than we have let agendas tell us we do.

Thinking purple instead of red and blue would be a good start. Abandoning the scarcity mindset would also be a healthy move toward letting go of fear. Especially as believers, there is nothing to fear if we fully surrender to God.

This has just been on my heart lately, dear reader, and I hope I haven’t offended you. I’ve been feeling creatively off from the sheer amount of negativity being spread. It is draining as an HSP neurodivergent introvert who seeks to spread kindness and love yet can’t fix the pain of people in my community. I wish I could and maybe this post is at least a safe space to ponder and start new conversations? I’m trying to focus on the positive.

We will also be back to our regularly scheduled programming of sewing, knitting, art, Bible Study, and K-pop content soon. This just felt too important to ignore.

Thank you for taking time with me today. I hope you know that you are loved and worthy. Until next time 🫶

Sewing Stretch Fabric Struggles

Do you ever spend time learning a skill just to forget it when you need to use it? That’s me. That’s how I sew stretch fabric on my machine. I just jump in and completely forget that I need to first properly adjust the tension and stitch type or else mayhem ensues. Mayhem like my machine having a nice little snack on my fabric.

Sometimes the machine gets extra bold and drags the hem under into the bobbin’s domain, jamming the machine. This is what I am talking about:

In the moment of panic, when I realize the fabric is stuck down in the machine a few thoughts dance through my mind.

  • Why didn’t you sew this by hand?!
  • You did it, you finally broke the machine you maniac!!
  • It’s ripped to shreds, isn’t it? The whole project might be gone in a moment.
  • This machine hates me. How do other people sew so effortlessly??

But it’s not the machine’s fault and it’s not the fabric that caused this, and it’s not even my fault. It’s morally neutral, it’s an accident and a learning experience to grow from!

As I was writing this, I caught myself crafting sentences to describe the situation with very negative and demeaning language towards myself for making a simple mistake. (A mistake that once I freed the fabric from the machine, I corrected and carried on to make the finished garment. The tight thread tension actually made a happy accident, a lettuce edge hem.)

It is not something that I should hold with such severity against myself that I internally tell myself I am an idiot, a lousy sewist, or useless.

Because how would I respond to hearing someone say that to another person? I would be disappointed in the speaker and make them stop.

How would I respond if I spoke with such aggression to another person? I would be ashamed.

I am learning through these sewing setbacks to temper the internal monologue and be a more gentle and loving person towards myself, to maintain better mental health, and establish the practice in my mind so that I can be a source of gentleness and kindness to others.

How do you speak towards yourself and others when they make a mistake?

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