A special thanks to the pattern writing of Weichien Chan from Saskie & Co and Jamie Lomax from Pacific Knit Co, for explaining this process with such clarity, that I leveled up from a sock knitting dreamer to a sock knitter. Check out their patterns! I’m glad I did. 😃
The Sock Saga
How? And, why? Those were the questions burning at the back of mind as the sock process eluded me, again and again. For years, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the heel of the sock patterns I acquired. I tried a toe up approach. I tried to mess around with short rows. I even bought a sock pattern book from a used book store, for a bit of sock heritage. Heel flap, confused me. The mechanics of double pointed needles, challenged my hand eye coordination. Magic Loop tested my patience and exposed my tight tension, from my cluttered mind. But the Addi Sockenwunder 9″ cable in 3.5mm became the key to unlock knitting mechanics I was lacking.
If you’re familiar with this blog, you know my frustrations with knitting in the round. This came to a head in February, during the Melt the ICE hat knit along. I seriously messed up my tension, and initial attempt by twisting my work. My joined stitches became a helix, coiling around the cable. I frogged my work, and started again, this time waiting a few rows before joining. (I found this wisdom thanks to the advice of Reddit, I think? To the past comment thread that helped me, know that I am eternally grateful.) This time around, I was determined to keep my hands loose and my mind relaxed, and it worked. I did not feel the hand fatigue, I normally experience when knitting in the round. The short cable length of the Sockenwunder needles was the key, the stitches slid easily around in the exact space of a sock circumference. This is why Magic Loop and I, did not form a lasting relationship, the shifting of stitches was a hurdle I disliked. Same with DPNs, I don’t want to keep track of stitches on needles, I want to be in a flow state of stitching. That is the best part of knitting in the round, in my opinion, you just go and knit. It is incredibly relaxing, like crocheting a simple stitch across a project, you and the stitching implement become one with the yarn, looping and creating a fabric with a relaxed mind.
For this reason, the Sockenwunder socks came together quickly, despite the new techniques I was employing in this project. My first sock, I began at the end of the day on a Thursday, knit the body of the sock on Friday, and finished the toe and heel on Saturday. My second sock was began on Sunday, knit Monday, and wrapped up on Tuesday. Quick and easy, compared to a sweater! It’s what I want out of this knitting practice, something quick and relaxing, that is a pleasure to replicate over and over again. In the short term for my own feet for this coming winter, and in the long term for loved ones and beyond, hopefully charity knitting socks and possibly selling them at a market or online marketplace.
Sock Pattern
My sock pattern was loosely based on the patterns featured in the Arctic Knits book, which I will not go into detail for copyright reasons, but one thing I will talk about is my sizing mistake. I cast on an extra ten stitches from the Saskie & Co pattern, because of my usual tight tension knitting in the round. They fit a bit loose, and that’s okay. These first socks are a toile, for future socks, as I develop my preferences for socks. They are still usable, with a relaxed cabin socks fit for lounging around the house. I may layer other cotton socks underneath on cold days to pad the fit.
Another deviation from the sock patterns in the Arctic Knits book, was my choice to knit stripes, with scrap yarn from my Saskie Cardigan (another Saskie & Co project I will share soon). I didn’t know if these socks would turn out or be another failed attempt, so I used up my extras, in random stripes. This freed up my mind to concentrate on the mechanics of knitting the sock, and not the knitting charts. In the future, I plan to make the socks as written by Weichien Chan, they are stunning color work socks.
I used a combination of Knit Picks Wool of the Andes, Knit Picks Stroll, and Kelbourne Woolens Germantown.
Now, what about that random raised row of brown yarn? That is the magic of the after thought sock! You make temporary arrangements for your heel and pick it up again after the sock body and toe are complete. This is where Pacific Knit Co’s tutorial had my back. Sometimes I need things rephrased, and many detailed pictures to make a new skill click. I’m a visual learner. Sometimes those patterns, although well written jumble in my mind. By using the combination of both pattern designers I successfully picked up the stitches above and below. I did this with a second set of circulars from Clover that were a bit longer, 16″ but the same gauge of 3.5 mm. The length difference was helpful during the knitting process, as the long needles hung down out of the way of my hands knitting on the Sockenwunder, and alleviated the stress of stitches falling off when unattended to.
Both Weichien and Jamie helped finally see the how and why of the heel shaping. With the heel flap techniques, I lost sight of the point. With the patterns that had me turn the heel while knitting the body, the complexity of this, overwhelmed me. But the after thought heel, eliminated both of these hiccups. I could see the sock body and the heel taking shape, it was intuitive. If you have experienced overwhelm by socks, I high recommend mixing up your tools and techniques. That is why we have so many to choose from, you must experiment to find the right fit like selecting a bowling ball.
Experimentation and repetition are my biggest takeaways from this multi-year sock saga. It’s not the finished project, as much as the process that defines the success. Knitting requires a patience and tenacity to frog and cast on again that has been hard for me, as a perfectionist with squirrel brain to stay the course with. Mistakes anger me. Frogging feels like a waste of time, but its not. Committing the skills to memory by practice is no different to volleyball practice drills or math homework. To be a skilled maker, you must put the time in, no short cuts. In this age of information and short cuts, it’s counter-cultural to slow down and fixate one skill until it is acquired, but it is the only way as humans we learn.
It’s that time of the year when I come alive the most, and that means I prepare like its a new year, before the frozen embrace of winter sets us in place. I feel a flurry of energy to take stock of my yarn and fabric, go through my wardrobe to declutter, up cycle, and repair. I organize, I dream, I plan home improvement projects for those slow, hunker down days. I don’t feel this way at all in the Spring, I feel worn down by the winter icy, and dry air. I feel the weight of the garden, on my shoulders, and the desire to be outside again and sketch on the porch. The last thing I want to do is re-organize my house and clean. So is it the cadence of the four seasons that brings this rhythm of preparation to fall? Is is our fixation on the academic calendar? I’m not sure. It has been a time tested fixture of human culture. Forever, we have been preparing for winter, harvesting, hunting, and making.
So why, is it called Spring Cleaning? Surely Fall Cleaning would make more sense. I found that it is an ancient and modern phenomenon. The earliest mentions of a “spring cleaning tradition” are found in two west Asian cultures – Persian and ancient Israel. Iranian culture celebrates Persian New Year, Nowruz, on the first day of Spring. To recognize the new year, Iranians prepare by “shaking the house” a thorough clean, or “redd up” as my Western Pennsylvania culture would say. This makes a ton of sense to me. Honestly, I wish our modern New Year wasn’t in January, for my climate dictates the New Year kicks off during the coldest month! Not a time to do anything really other than waiting for the snow storms and negative Fahrenheit temps to pass. It makes for quite a boring holiday. The latter should have been obvious to me, growing up in the church, but I did not connect the two that Passover preparation could be the origin. During Passover, all things made with leavening or fermentation were removed to remember the Israelite flight from Egypt.
For a more modern origin, coal based heating systems would prompt a cleaning ritual in North America, to open up the windows and clear the soot. Honestly, quite a lame origin story, but important. I think a house down the road is burning coal in an burner, and I absolutely despise the stench of it. The smoke is thick and dark, permeating the air in the cold pockets of January’s bitter wind.
My fall cleaning, I’d say has a lot more in common with Nowruz than Passover or cleaning away soot. I love the description of shaking the house, it reminds me of how my Papa would describe my Grandma’s penchant for order, “She’s mean on clean.” As a child, I had no appreciation of her passion for cleaning, now as adult with my own spaces to keep tidy, a good straight up of the house brings me joy. I’ve been tackling the ever-present chaos of my craft room. It began with a sort through of my inventory, organizing it all into banker boxes and a new drawer set from Amazon to keep the fabric folded and yarn skeins arranged by fiber and weight. I can actually find what I need, when I need it, for the first time in my sewing and knitting life! Who knew a few boxes could be life changing? Organizing my stuff the way my mind processes it, well it has cut down on distractions. My easily distracted Neurodivergent brain used to find everything in my tornado of a closet, but the project I was looking for. It made everything take longer than normal, a simple search, an odyssey of investigation and forgetfulness. I couldn’t take it anymore.
I rode this high into my closet, going through it all and organizing more, t-shirts by color family, mixing up my storage solutions from hangers, to zipper bins, to planning shelves to make there be a flow. Putting clothes away can turn into a series of doom piles, because the system was badly designed by me. I needed a way to keep the organization going, while I sorted and folded my clothes, yet again a bad plan led to me sorting through a random drawer for the third time that month, instead of putting the rest of the laundry away. It was a waste of time, leaving me frustrated once again at my squirrel brain. A flow to getting dressed, and a choreographed dance of freshly laundered clothes waltzing into their places once again. But why stop there? Less to organize would be ideal. Thus began a lovely fall purge of clothing into piles – donate, up cycle, repair, and trash/scraps. All the clothes, shoes too! I feel so empowered. I have struggled to part with anything since experiencing grief and trauma in the 2020’s, and it has been embarrassing. I will live with too much stuff, wanting to re-home it, yet being unable to part with it, in some guilt that I don’t understand. I think the burden of my mind is fading, with healthy clarity returning to my heart. I’m not saying goodbye, over and over again, I am being a good steward of things, and sometimes that means you have to let things go. Even my handmade items that may not serve me, but could make someone else happy.
With a clearer mind, I feel inspired to create. This comes ever fall, with a flurry of ideas for new sweaters, accessories, and clothing. This year is a special one as I have been making pants, from scratch and from up-cycled materials. I will be fine tuning my cold weather accessories too, with plans to make excellent hats, mittens, and socks. I’d also like to make a bag or two. My sweater plans are more focused this year. I understand how to make the thing now, so how can I make them better? I guess I shook the house of my creativity too, in this clean.
Do you feel motivated in fall to get things done? Are you a fall cleaner or a traditional spring cleaner?
So it’s 2026, and if you’re online, there is a good chance you have seen the 2026 to 2016 posts. The nostalgia for 2016 is real, even making me look at one of the most volatile years of my life through rose-colored glasses. But even though the 2010s were full of change for me, beginning with my junior year of high school, and ending with 2019, globally leading us into the pandemic. How weird is that? I got my license, my high school diploma, traveled to Europe, graduated from college, got married, moved out, had my first job (more like jobs), tried to have a career, reunited with my dad, met my siblings, moved out of state, wrote a novel, and lost several loved ones in 2016. My family fractured – it was so much personal change! But even so, I miss the optimism of the hipster era. I miss the simplicity of the pre-AI era and the pre-social media domination of our world. We were less logged in, less screen addicted. I’ve been drawn to watching Portlandia again, yearning for a coffee shop to spend the day in while listening to indie music, a simpler time. This week, I’ve found myself walking down memory lane in the form of 2010’s alternative music. Bands I haven’t thought of for a decade – The Joy Formidable, Phantogram, Joywave, Bear Hands, Sir Sly, etc. But one band, I determined in this holiday, into nostalgia I will not listen to again, even though they were a band I loved in the 2010s – Twenty One Pilots.
This is a bit of an oddball post. I haven’t listened to Twenty One Pilots since 2018, but for a three-year stretch, they were my favorite band. I collected merch, CDs, and ate up the lore. The para-social relationship was built on mental health struggles, faith, and being “quirky” felt comfortable. I mean, this was the mid-2010s and the height of the “not like other girls” trope. I relished in the alternative feel of their music, what I now understand to be noise music, and the darkness I felt in my own life craved the outlet to plug into. Josh understood my shyness, and Tyler understood the anxiety and depression I was feeling at the time. It felt safe because they were “Christians” and their music had “biblical references,” but they were also questioning everything and challenging the void. I didn’t see at the time how much un-aliving yourself idealization there was in the nihilistic moments of their music. The more I listened to their music, the more depressed I felt, and that is where I began to wake out of the dream I was walking in. I haven’t seen them or their music the same way since.
I think right now, with all the ways Christianity is being watered down, misused for political manipulation, and trampled upon by religious fundamentalists, I don’t want to listen to a band that is “somewhat Christian” again. That is not an estimation of their music either; that is what I found when I looked at the TOP subreddit today. That sentiment reminded me of what turned me off the most from their music, Tyler’s waffling. Or should I say deconstructing? That was another discussion I found on the subreddit. Now it is only fair to discuss this, with my own struggles out in the open. There were some things that came to light in recent months about someone I know, who is a pastor, which contradict the Bible, and it made me furious. Combine that with the DHS sharing misquoted scripture to claim their racism and violence as a “holy” thing turned me into this character.
What has my spiritual life been like in 2025 and now in 2026? Clinging to who I know God is in the midst of all these evil, power-hungry syncophants. Have I been reading my Bible daily? No, I have been a slacker. Have I been praying consistently? Yes, more than I have been reading my Bible. Have I been avoiding Christian culture? Yes. Where have I found myself gravitating towards? People who are acting out their faith and non-believers acting in ways that mirror what the Bible calls us to do. Never in this muck and mire have I wanted to imagine a world without God. If anything, it has made me crave God’s presence in this world with more frequency. It has to be a real connection. Faith is not a feeling, and it is not something you choose one day and rip apart the next. It calls for trust and for submission to align every part of your life under what you believe in. Faith is telos. Faith does not exist in a vacuum, nor do our relationships. Some days, having faith in good triumphing over evil feels like an extremely radical thing. There is no space for indecision.
Now, Tyler is allowed to feel and think what he wants, as long as he is not hurting anyone. I don’t care. But do I think he is a good example? No. There is an immaturity to his faith. A fence sitting that is only hurting him. As Earl Smooter says in Sweet Home Alabama, “You can’t ride two horses with one ass, sugarbean.” My need for conciseness and clarity is, for sure, part of my neurodivergence. I like it when people communicate directly. Honestly. I prefer the path laid out by another favorite artist.
I give life to my words (Yeah, I’m doing what I say) I reach heights from the dirt (Yeah, I’m doing what I say) You know I bite the way I bark (Yeah, I’m doing what I say) (Doing what I say, doing what I say)
Creed by Stray Kids
Decision matters. Being aligned with what you believe in, in every aspect of your life, which takes being truly honest with yourself, will bring mental peace. Mental peace was something I never personally felt from their music. I could feel the overthinking, tearing at the seams, the complete drifting in the current. It could be dressed up with lore or cringing lyrics, but the identity was never solid. Taking time away from their music gave me such relief. Ironically, my time of being part of the Clique was followed by a period of listening to mostly worship music for a few years before landing in K-pop. I think I personally matured out of the place where the Clique remains, waiting for identity. Where their leader remains. I think it is easier to not confront ourselves than it is, to have these times of personal crossexamination. But I think it’s a poor witness for your faith to never pick a side. How can something so integral to your life, your worldview, be left with unresolved doubt? What a loose end.
Deconstruct with integrity. Affirm your faith with integrity. I’m all in favor of confronting the church for its cowardice over injustice in America. Jesus showed us how. So did his servant Paul. But to leave it as a vague, Blurryface, is immature thinking. Through my research for this post, my searches for a clear answer about Tyler’s faith left me with more questions. Like a politician, it is vague and hard to define. Answers offered were that he can’t put it into words, he is wrestling, still defining, or can’t put it into words. What? More digging led to answers outlining TOP’s music as his way of communicating his search for understanding. To explore doubt by supposing a world without God – well, that’s why I found their music so dark! I am actively shaking my head. Again, there needs to be more maturity in songwriting, creative writing, philosophy – something to explore these themes with more nuance. I am just not impressed. Especially when you contrast Tyler’s exposition of his faith and the world we are living in, to the faith journeys of J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. In summation, I find the faith and doubt of TOP to be cliché and played out. Go deeper. Tell us what you believe in, like fans have requested, concerning the genocide in Gaza.
Now, TOP fans, this is my opinion, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. None of this was written as an attack on you or your favorite group, just my honest reflection on a time of my life where Twenty One Pilots spoke to me. I’d say really the only part of this “lore” I’ve listened to is these four albums – Twenty One Pilots (2009), Vessel (2013), which was my favorite, Blurryface (2015 the album I started with, and Trench (2018), which I disliked so much I sold my concert tickets and donated my merch. You, Clique, have popularity on your side. I know I am in the minority, but I’m also in the minority of thinking Taylor Swift is a terrible songwriter, and that hasn’t stopped me.
What kind of music did you enjoy in the 2010s? Has your music taste changed? Thanks for spending time with me today, dear reader. Until next time ❤
I read a book, that woke me up from a dream. At least that is what it felt like. That book was by M.L. Rio, entitled “If We Were Villains” a dark academia book compared to the “Secret History” by Donna Tartt. But honestly, I found this book to be far more about literature and what happens to your brain when you lose yourself in Shakespeare, than just a “dark academia” book.
It reminded me of the time we spent in high school studying Shakespeare’s plays and sonnets under the intense direction of my English/Speech teacher.
In English class, we would not simply read and discuss, we would perform. To my chagrin, we were tasked with memorizing scenes and performing them in front of the class, either solo or in pairs. I vividly remember performing the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet, and reciting Mark Antony’s speech from Julius Caesar in a bed sheet toga over my clothes. Probably red faced, and heart pounding by the need to make eye contact as part of the assignment.
Later, when we dove deeper into the plays, I remember reading many parts for Hamlet, Macbeth, Romeo and Juliet, Julius Caesar, King Lear. Performed with fake swords and random props with our desks pushed in a corner to make a stage floor in the front of the room.
For senior year, we went to see two plays in Stratford, Canada at their globe theater. We saw Taming the Shrew, and later on As You Like It which I preferred. Although I struggled to follow at points, I loved how the play felt like it swallowed up the actors in a world all their own, in verse and story that has endured for centuries.
That is what I felt once again, reading “If We Were Villains” like I was back in Stratford, in the audience. The way Rio pairs plays to the plot, shows a deep intelligence for theater in a way, I don’t think many authors could do.
Some claim the plot was predictable, but I’d say, too mamy twists would have spoiled the point of this book. Which I believe is a love letter to the stage, and the pressures, and the bizarre obsessive love that comes with passion for you craft. I could have done with less of the f-word, it was a bit grating, so was the amount of drinking and drug use. I’d compare it to Skins UK, but I understand everyone’s college experience is different. I appreciate that all the main characters were in the early twenties, with the source material being so dark.
Anyways, I came away from this book feeling inspired. Inspired to read and study Shakespeare once again, not for a grade this time, but to remember how to tell a story. I’ve felt the desire to write another work of fiction, but loose all momentum once I begin writing. Because no matter what your opinion is of Shakespeare, there is no denying that he could write a good story, stories that continue to remain popular for the stage and film. If I want to remember how to write, this is a good place start, along with reading other books. Like I’ve reflected on before, to write you must read.
Now, before I end my reflection, I’d like to talk about something that is weighing on me. The shooting and killing of Renee Good by ICE agents, who shot her inside her car in broad daylight, in Minnesota.
This was an illegal and evil act, but it is just one of many evil acts carried out by organizations violating my country’s constitutional ammendments.
In addition to that the people who are being kidnapped, and persecuted by racism and hate, we must stand with them. They are suffering. We cannot ignore their pain. As a believer it is clear what we are called to do.
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Galatians 6:2 NIV
So my fellow Americans, if you are under the spell of political manipulation, and believe the acts of ICE are necessary – wake up and speak up against evil. If you are believers – wake up, repent, and speak up against evil.
What do you do when you need a break, but you can’t? I’ve been wrestling with this for months. It’s been a tricky thing to discuss on here, and without feeling ready to write without revealing too much, I have been spinning on it, to quote NMIXX.
Any time I feel overwhelmed, I take that space. But what if you can’t? Like what if the thing that is weighing on you is as interwoven in your life as a single thread in the warp and weft of your jeans? It’s a tricky one that I don’t think anyone has taught me; it’s just kinda hanging there. We struggle alone, because we are human.
Relationship University
I’ve been thinking alone, pondering my frustrations, my overwhelm, my weariness for a break because I am a neurodivergent, deep-feeling, overthinker. It does not come easy to me to pause, to force my mind to stop and breathe. It’s something I wish we had learned in school. Any of the schooling – elementary, high school, or college? How wonderful would it be to learn about emotional intelligence and algebra? Traumatic stress coping mechanisms and world history? What about grammar and proper communication tools to de-escalate a tense argument? Literally would be life-changing. Meditation with a side of physical education? We mostly played soccer(football) because it was cheap, and it was monotonous. Both Kyle and I would feel less we are drowning in the complications of personal struggles if we had an education in relationships.
We did the brief marriage counseling, sure, which I guess prepares you for marriage? I think getting through the first year is truly what teaches you the most. (We are a few months away from celebrating ten, so we do have some experience.) We also had the years of friendship experiences, some previous dating experiences, and the lifelong knowledge of being part of families – but they don’t prepare you for the stress that comes with multiple, personal struggles that you and your spouse sometimes have to tackle all at the same time, meanwhile life keeps moving forward, and you feel like a hamster in a wheel.
Burnt Out, Like Toast In Obsidian Crumbs
What I felt the most since these stressful situations began to weigh on Kyle and me was the desire to hit pause and process what I was feeling while the world held still. You know? Just a moment, where you could feel without the expectation to be who you are and do the things others depend on you for. Even the little things, you depend on yourself to do. Of course, that feeling grows to a desire to stop the world for days, and escape to a zone where the stressful things can’t bother you. A yearning for the before and a hunger for the after, this is all resolved and back to normal. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the big emotions of personal things that you forget to have fun together. You forget to just be yourself. It’s a bizarre version of your life that doesn’t feel familiar, and I think after months of feeling like this, 2025 ended with me feeling chewed up and angry.
So why do we pretend like this is a normal state of being a responsible adult? Like if I hadn’t decided to stop drinking alcohol in 2021, this season would have been months of riding out a buzz, ignoring my problems, and choosing unhealthy coping mechanisms. Subbing in a source of temporary joy, depending on a thing or a feeling to get you through, is avoiding the inevitable mess that upset you in the first place. But I think this is the box we put ourselves in as adults, to stop from appearing weak or vulnerable. Substitute a drink for a shopping haul, sports betting, s*x, doom scrolling – what I’m talking about is far more common than we admit. So why do I feel so alone in this feeling?
It is still my present burden to bear, Kyle’s present burden to bear. Contrary to the calendar, your problems on Dec 31 are still there when you wake up on Jan 1. Doesn’t that suck? I felt myself wishing more than ever at the end of 2025 that the “fresh start” effect was real. Because life requires emotional endurance with no cap. That is quite difficult for us humans to do. It requires patience, hope, faith, self-control, gentleness, and love. We grow weary, we hide our struggles like they are something to be ashamed of, instead of a common part of life. We are odd creatures. That’s why I decided to share this, because I don’t think we discuss this enough, and I plan to talk about it more.
Marriage is hard, in more ways than I could even comprehend, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible. As we are both kids of divorce, we stubbornly refuse to address the stress that is negatively affecting our relationship because to do so feels like we are already failing, but that’s not true. So I’m writing this for you, the one who feels the weight of their parents’ divorce on all of their relationships, like a curse you are inevitably going to repeat. It’s not true. Keep going and stop bracing for the bottom to drop out, like I waste time waiting for. We are survivors, and we are going to make it through the mess.
For two years, I’ve been mulling over how to dive into Stray Kids and their music, the way I’ve done with other K-pop artists, like aespa, Ateez, and i-dle. I sipped my toes in with My Tagline and Skz Hop Hip Tape, but I have not shared anything deeper, because dang, this band can be controversial, fan wars suck, and I also deeply love their music. It’s got me through rough patches and high highs; it is probably my neurodivergent special interest. It’s a spiderweb of music, funny moments, and an overall safe place to land, thanks to elements like Chan’s Room. Borrowing the Song-A-Day challenge format and filling out my own card seemed like the perfect way to get back into K-pop deep dives. (Then I hope – I can finally get myself to write about Kpop Demon Hunters!)
DAY 1 – My first experience with the eight-member Korean boy band, Stray Kids, was their song Maniac (2022). Shortly after Maniac and its album, Oddinary, were released in March 2022, the algorithm served me the Maniac music video, and my taste in music has been transformed. For good, I’d say!
DAY 2 – Case 143, released in October 2022, was my first official comeback experience. With the release of Maxident, I discovered Skz Code, compilations of funny moments, memes, etc. I dipped my toes into the world of Stay and haven’t looked back. Case 143 is one of their songs that challenges song structure, the whole way through. It’s complex.
DAY 3 – Creed. I think this because Karma was released at a time (August 2025) when I felt lost, pissed off, and in need of a song that captured how fed up I was feeling about the world. But I needed a song that was not one of my old standbys of Breaking Benjamin, Evanescence, System of a Down, or Nightwish. Stray Kids, no matter what emotion they explore, always have light in the darkness. I listened to this song like an emotional release through August, September, and in the culmination of stress in October. It just scratched that part of my brain that needed a song to echo all my big feelings.
DAY 4 – Novel is a fantastic, underrated song with a great high note. It’s from The Sound (February 2023), a Japanese release, so it flies under the radar until you dig into their discography. I found it this year while listening to the full The Sound album while tilling the garden.
DAY 5 – My favorite SKZ record is Want so Bad by Minsung, also known as Lee Know and Han. I love this song for its music, the happy feeling it brings me when I listen to it, and the thrill of these two pals getting to write a song just the two of them. This is not because I am shipping them. I’d also argue this song would be lovely in a K-drama similar to The Potato Lab or Business Proposal. It is instant dopamine, give it a listen! My final thought is, listening to this song again, Lee Know’s song Youth from the SKZ Hop album feels like a sequel to this song in their discography, which is varied and, to be honest, vast for only being a band for 8 years.
DAY 6 – Haven is a song about identity and courage, being yourself, and it is so comforting. All I want is the space to be myself. This song was released in 2020, but it didn’t hit my radar until 2024, when they performed it at Lollapalooza in Chicago, and it was like it hit me in my core. I felt like I had found a little virtual home in their music. A haven, literally. I’ve always felt like an outsider – a stray.
DAY 7 – My Pace is a no-skip; it is a song that, when it plays, I must listen and soak up all the vibes of this anthem. I love Changbin’s barking, aggressive rap lines. I want to jump around. It was another stunner from Lollapalooza that I hadn’t appreciated in its true form until I watched them perform it on a big stage. My Pace is an original, from their early days back in 2018, when Stray Kids were still rookies. They have always been good and always deeper than the “noise music” or “braggy” accusations.
DAY 8 – Divine, you have bewitched me body and soul, and I love you most ardently. There is not a boring song on ‘Do It’ (November 2025), to be clear, but this new song, Divine, has eclipsed Do It for me. Divine’s music video is such a fun ride if you like vintage Asian cinema or stories like Smallville, Lord of the Rings, etc. They face down a dark force and defeat it, turning their enemies into the scales of a sweeping dragon in a painting. The song showcases a Korean legend, with the lesson being not to escape away from reality too far and neglect your responsibilities. There is an old school hip-hop feel, random noises, and the electric energy of God’s Menu and Thunderous.
DAY 9 – Just one favorite B-side? That’s cruel. The b-sides are where Stray Kids really shine. I guess if I can only choose one, Leave (November 2023). It’s such a bop. It’s one of their softer, melodic songs that, in my opinion, marked the new era of Stray Kids. By 2023, they were fine-tuning their sound, and I could see where the possibilities could be long-term. The way they share the lyrics across the song, they truly are one band. One sound. Also, that chorus, “Lalalala la Lalalala x3, I’m missing you.” It’s haunting and beautiful. I could see how this band would be one I would keep listening to, as long as they want to put out music.
DAY 10 – LALALALA from the November 2023 album, Rockstar, is magnetic. LALALALA is language play. The original Chinese character Rak, pronounced slightly between la and ra (To the best of my understanding, I am not an expert.) and represents emotions – fear, sadness, anger, and happiness. The song’s journey gets rid of the rest until only happiness remains. Using the repetition of “Feel the rock” and “Let it rock” to bridge the gap between east and west, delicately weaving together this metaphor. The dance, oh, how I wish I could do it. The beat is so catchy. Such a good hype song!
DAY 11 – I’m a sucker for a Seungmin soundtrack. If I had a clear bias in the group (I’m an OT8 bias for reference), Seungmin would most likely be my bias wrecker for how I have grown to appreciate his vocal range since 2022. For all eight members, my favorite OST would be ‘Why?’ from January 2024, but overall, I am enamoured by My Destiny by Seungmin and the growth of his voice over the years. There is nowhere to hide in My Destiny; it is all vocals. So again to the haters, if you think Stray Kids are phonies, they are most certainly not! My Destiny is a romantic song with a subtle melody, perfect for the K-drama, The Potato Lab (March 2025).
DAY 12 – Ceremony (August 2025) is the best workout song, full stop. Try listening to it while doing cardio. The song doesn’t have a chorus until the end; it just keeps building and circling. It will push you, but it will feel like an exhilarating party.
DAY 13 – Parade is a Japanese release from the Hollow album (June 2025), which I’d love to see them circle back to with a music video. A full-scale production with a real parade, a band, confetti, floats, and excitement. Something like Ceremony would be fun.
DAY 14 – When Hollow (June 2025) came out, it changed me. It melted me, and I cried listening to the lyrics. Like ‘Golden’ and ‘This Is What It Sounds Like’, it broke me. One of my loved ones and I were fighting, and I was worried about their health. A former friend was really piling on their problems, and I was drained and feeling lonely. This song got it.
DAY 15 – I love singing along to Surfin’ even though I can only sing half the words, but dang, what a masterpiece from Lee Know, Changbin, and Felix back in 2021 from the No Easy album. It’s summertime. It’s upbeat. It’s got a rhythm that echoes the cadence of the waves and sea breezes. It’s one of a kind.
DAY 16 – I’d love to see them perform ‘Slash’ from Deadpool and Wolverine (August 2024) live on tour, or maybe a festival performance. I don’t think they have ever performed it. It was released quietly with the Deadpool and Wolverine theater release. To the best of what I’ve gathered from people who saw it, Disney didn’t even put it in the movie…because they suck. But like, what about a tiger, dual sword-wielding, superhero? Yes.
DAY 17 – I’d be interested in them re-releasing Hellevator (2017) with the music production and style they have now. It’s a fantastic song, but it does feel a bit 2010s and Chainsmoker-y in the production, as was popular at the time. No shade to the original.
DAY 18 – I’ve been trying to save God’s Menu (June 2020) and have no duplicates, but the opening sequence of God’s Menu goes
어서 오십시오 eoseo osibsio
이 가게는 참 메뉴가 고르기도 쉽죠 i gageneun cham menyuga goleugido swibjyo
and sounds like Changbin is saying “shit show.” I’ve shared this song with a loved one, and they literally have remarked, “Ah, it’s the shit show song” upon hearing it. Still the funniest misheard lyric for me.
DAY 19 – S-Class (June 2023) from the 5-Star Album was not my jam the first time around. It took multiple tries, and feeling a bit lost, until this song won me over. It was so different in structure. But that whistle, the chorus, and the music video eventually got me excited. Now this is one of my favorite title tracks for its signature Stray Kids randomness.
DAY 20 – Tortoise and the Hare (September 2020) for me is the most meme-worthy song because of one simple chorus swap – I know, you know, we know, Lee Know. This was reprised in the song Jjam in July 2024 from the album ATE. It is one of my favorite little easter eggs, especially when Lee Know encourages it with random Tortoise and the Hare references.
DAY 21 – Okay, this might be a weird pick to play for grandparents, but they were both into music. I’m choosing my maternal grandparents for this. Papa was in a quartet, and Grandma was a pianist who also taught. If I could catch their interest with good vocals, solid music, and the romance of the song, I could have opened the door to showing them more. My choice, if they were still here, is Waiting for Us from the album Oddinary (March 2023).
DAY 22 – Cheese is a go-to sing for me when I have chores to do around the house and zero motivation. This song is from No Easy (2021) and has so much attitude. I love it. This song has a misheard lyric for me – “Hook ya? Cheese!” It’s also a song that makes me think of my dog Sully, who loved cheese.
DAY 23 – Since I already used God’s Menu, and I refuse to duplicate with this many songs to choose from, I say Thunderous from No Easy (2021). This song has swagger. I listened to this song second, after Maniac, with maybe God’s Menu or Venom afterwards. Upon watching the Thunderous music video, I thought, “How freaking cool is this band?!” I’d never heard a band blend modern and traditional with such skill before.
DAY 24 – DLMLU or Don’t Let Me Love You (2023) is one of their great, slightly problematic love songs. They do a fantastic job of capturing the dysfunction of relationships, and this song is just that, a song fighting the undeniable pull the narrator feels. It’s got a great beat, and doesn’t get the attention of other Stray Kids songs, such as I Like It or Collision. Honorable mention: Venom (2022), which gets sidelined for Maniac but is complex, satisfying, and has a fun music video.
DAY 25 – In 2023, the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign covered All In by Stray Kids at a halftime show, and it was so flipping satisfying. I have been waiting for their music to show up like this, and when it did, I was over the moon. All In is a high-energy Japanese release from October 2020.
DAY 26 – Cover Me from 2023’s Rockstar album stood out for many reasons, one of them being the harmonizing, the slow pace, and the one-take high note from Seungmin that is phenomenal. But the lyrics got me; they captured the feelings I’ve felt for so long. Being the kid on the fringe. All my friends had two parents, didn’t live with their grandparents, had siblings with the same mom and dad, didn’t have childhood trauma, and now I understand the outside thing I felt was also because of neurodivergence. I’ve never quite fit anywhere, only in passing, and this song gets all of those feelings. Thank you, Hyunjin, for this gem.
DAY 27 – Rama Giant! That’s how Han’s recording sounds, and I love it. It’s supposed to be “I’m a giant.” I also love this music video, as the meaning is deeper than it seems. Han’s sneeze. The clever line of “do re me fa King giant!” This title track, Giant came out in October 2024, on an album of the same name. I’m not over this song. It was one of my most listened to albums of 2025. It’s a Japanese release, so it gets less notoriety, but that’s okay. I hope one day they add it to the regular set.
DAY 28 – Domino is iconic. It’s also a great car jam because there is no weird stuff in the background, as Kyle says. He doesn’t like how much chaos, sirens, etc, they add to the back track for driving, and I get it. It does create mental chaos. Domino, from No Easy (2021), has been a favorite since my first listen. The cadence, the creativity. I just love listening to it, but especially in the car on a zippy and winding road.
DAY 29 – Chan’s solo, Railway (2024), would be my choice for a superhero theme, maybe an odd choice, but I could see it working for a complex, maybe misunderstood superhero? Watching Smallville has shown me the levels, and somewhere underneath, Clark Kent is here in this song, in the moments when he feels like an outsider. Maybe a show where both Railway and Escape were the title credits and ending credits? That could be satisfying.
DAY 30 – Night (2024) is an original soundtrack, but dang, this song is so good. It’s like a rock opera. The guitar, the piano, the range of the vocals, and the orchestral swell of it all into a final crescendo. This song could easily be just a song for an album. I really want them to keep exploring J-rock and these big opus-type songs. It brings everything I love about classical music into the mix. I crave more.
DAY 31 – Chk Chk Boom has currently dethroned Miroh for me as the Stray Kids anthem, please Stay, don’t hate me. It’s just been the song that has had such massive reach for the past year with awards, the Dominate tour, and even the satisfying feature of Ryan Reynolds in the music video. It shows how much they have accomplished, and it is also a fantastic song.
Phew! I did it. That was a lot of decisions, and I could probably keep revising and revising. I truly love their discography; it’s self-produced, written by them, and choreographed by them. They recently won the Daesang (album of the year) at MAMA 2025. They broke the Billboard 200 record for No. 1 album debuts with Karma, and extended the record to 8 with Do It. It’s truly impressive. In this world of increasing convenience, AI slop, and conformity, you can still excel and be yourself. That’s what they have done.
One year ago, we adopted Mia from a local rabbit rescue. We knew life would change, but we didn’t consider how much we would change and grow from this experience. These are my reflections on how our little house bunny, Mia, has shaped us in our first year together.
Awareness
Today, I accidentally scared Mia. I came downstairs from working out, with music playing on my phone, distracted and not considering the little bunny, snoozing in a deep sleep. As soon as I looked up from my phone, I was highly aware of what my blissful ignorance hath wrought: ears standing tall, eyes wide, and body tense, ready to run at the slightest hint of danger. Before Mia, I was aware of what startled me, but with Mia and her own sensitive ears, it has challenged me to approach life with an even gentler touch. Today was a day I forgot, but with each passing month, these moments of unawareness are decreasing. Getting used to how aware Mia is of her surroundings was intimidating at first. I remember feeling on edge those first weeks, feeling like I was unable to relax – scared to scare Mia – a bit impossible of a standard!
I’ve learned to be quiet, internally and externally. The desire for quiet, for the little prey animal in our midst, has become a craving for quiet coming from a place inside me. What felt like a burden at first has become a blessing, because the awareness of the sound level, the peaceful environment I wish to create for Mia, has become a goal I desire for my own needs. The awareness of the quiet and the peace is something that I need, that Kyle needs. It’s healthier for us, but in this distracted and noise-polluted world, I don’t know if my awareness was going to attune to this again without Mia.
Structure
Mia has a schedule, possibly wearing a little watch somewhere under all that fur. She hops to her dinner spot around 5 pm, and waits for her breakfast starting at 8 am. She knows what time we should go to bed, with a precision I wish I could stick to. I’m not blessed with a sense of schedule. I tend to drift off course, but Mia is teaching me structure, and her needs are reminding me how comforting a schedule can be. Taking care of her is teaching me more about what I actually need to take care of myself in a healthier way. How is this little bunny so wise, so intuitive? The promise to care for her, every day, is a responsibility that I thought would feel heavy and burdensome, but instead, it is a way I have rediscovered purposeful living. I am grateful.
Letting Go
Detachment from physical things is the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn from living with Mia. Mia loves to chew my stuff. She has chewed holes in sentimental blankets, she has forever changed favorite pieces of furniture, and she will take a chunk out of newly made pieces fresh from my workroom. She doesn’t discriminate from store-bought items either – brand new overalls, my phone case, my Nalgene bottle. This has stressed me out. Mia has chewed the couch, a brand new coffee table hand-built by Kyle, the freshly painted baseboards, slippers, and I’m sure there will be more. I’ve gone through the stages of grief. I’ve had moments of intense frustration and questioning it all. But when I committed to adopting Mia, I told myself that I would remember that people are more important than things, and in this case, people and little furry members of the family.
The Floor is Great
I love sitting on the floor. I have always loved sitting on the floor; it grounds my mind – no pun intended. But dating and spending time at future in-law houses and not wanting to be weird, renting with worn wood floors, and moving into adulthood with busy schedules, changed my life from a cozy floor sitter to work chairs and collapsing into couches at the end of the day. Or sitting at my sewing table in a chair with bad posture. I stopped sitting on the floor. But with a rabbit, they like and need you to be on their level. I believe it is essential for bonding with your rabbit. At the beginning, it was hard. It felt unnatural after a decade of not being on the floor. The floor felt hard, unwelcoming. Even with carpet. But after a few months, I felt comfortable. My hips and back hurt less when I spend time on the floor. A year later, I am back to being a floor dweller. Without Mia, would I have ever gone back? I don’t know, but wow, my body feels more comfortable, younger even.
Slow Down, Be Present
The final thing that my rabbit soulmate has taught me this year is to be present and slow down. Mia is already four; she has an estimated lifespan of 12 years, which is not a lot of time when you really care about someone. I don’t want to miss any more moments with her. Kyle and I celebrated 9 years of marriage this year, 11 years together. Time feels like it is flying, and I want to be more present in my relationship with him. My mom and my stepdad are also getting older, and I want to be more present. Mia is teaching me that. Where I can, when I can make the choice to pause what I am doing to spend time with her, and I challenge myself to do so. That has been a challenge. I tend to hyperfixate on projects, which burn me out, but a difficult bad habit to break.
This year, I have created less, but I am feeling the balance being restored to my life. Without Mia hopping over to spend time with me, who knows if I would be shifting my perspective to a healthier state of mind? I can feel my mind and body feeling less stressed. Mia naps a lot, and that is another piece of the slowing-down puzzle that I am learning to accept without guilt. Rest is important. Rest is necessary. Slowing down is good for us. But we resist, because it’s tough to go against the grain. Rest is seen as lazy, even though our bodies and minds get burnt out. Living with Mia is helping me reset those misconceptions and take better care of myself.
Final Thoughts
I would 100% recommend adopting a rabbit if you have been thinking about it. Adopt any pet, actually, or volunteer at a local animal shelter. Do your research and get involved; it will change your life for the better. Animals are so calming. Mia has helped me open up again, in ways I thought I was closed off for good. It’s helped me understand my neurodivergence, my sensitivity, my trauma. She just gets me. She listens, she is there. She has become a best friend, and don’t we all need more of that in our lives? And what about Mia? Well, I’m honored that we got to provide her with her furever home. She has a big space to zoomie around, endless hay, and pets. She gets to watch TV, explore the couch, and have all her toys and treats to herself. She is the center of attention and trusts us. It’s amazing to know a prey animal trusts you. It challenges you to be the best person you can be.
This is a bit of a follow-up to my discussion of cultural boredom from earlier this year, a little update to my creative slump, and exciting developments for my hunt to replace my reliable crafting supplies. The world still feels like it is on fire, but I think I am learning how to thrive again. It takes me a long time to process things, so maybe that’s why?
Spaghetti and Gnarly
Le Sserafim released a song that captures the wonderfully nonsensical world of a good K-pop song. Spaghetti is catchy, silly, and makes me crave spaghetti, so that’s what I am cooking tonight. It is what I remember the music videos of K-pop to look like when I took the plunge in 2022. It was fun, and in the last few years, it has lost some of its luster with darker concepts, instead of cute, and a bit uninspired. Although I’m fully into K-pop, it has been repetitive and bland for most of 2025. Except for my favorites – Stray Kids and Nmixx. Enter Gnarly by Katseye. A song that is so jarring it’s bad but also amazing, it’s been a weird one for me, the thesis of this year, it has felt like. “Everything is gnarly.” A phrase that has carried me through bizarre headlines and life’s bumpy road this year. For me, Gnarly was going to be the song that typified what I remember feeling in 2025, until Bleep by Stray Kids dropped in August. But now, I hope I will remember moments that feel like the upbeat wonder of Spaghetti. What about Golden? I desperately need to compile notes for K-pop Demon Hunters because that has been such a gift.
Big Twist at Michaels
Big Twist is back at Michaels, for real, and it’s kind of silly to admit this, but it feels comforting. There’s a Joann Knit and Sew Shop section in the store, and like, maybe it was a bad dream? I mean, all the crafting drama definitely happened this year between private equity, tariffs, and Sci Show declaring the arrival of physicists to help the knitters. The familiarity was maybe all my neurodivergent mind needed to just relax a bit? Now the fabric is not good, but it could get better in time. I’m choosing to be hopeful, I mean, the recent US election showed a strong rejection of the Trump Administration, so as people have said all year, if it can get worse, it can get better. And for me, who hates change with a passion, I’ve learned that if it disappears, it can come back. I just need to work on my patience. I have found a second local yarn store in my own state, and a great local fabric shop. I’d say I’m pleased to the point that I am not missing Joann like I thought I would.
Stitches for Identity
I believe I am finally moving out of the depressed forest that is being laid off due to personal and global trauma. I’ve been listening to Kitchen and Jorn’s Losing Followers Podcast, where they have been talking through the post-Buzzfeed time of their careers. I was in a toxic job at Great Dane Trailers in the late 2010s, and it was freeing yet terrifying to lose that job. Listening to Jen and Kristin talk through the transition of leaving a job that demanded all of them, to be free from that monster, but also lose all connection to the project they built from the ground up, has been a balm to me. When I was laid off, I lost my app and my content calendar, my magazine contribution. I was wrecked, and I didn’t know how to process that for years. I felt like a loser. I dove into crafting, and for years, those stitches of thread and yarn gave me meaning.
The blog, though, and finally this year uploading my manuscript to this website this year connected me back to what makes me feel like me. I have always been drawn to writing, and not having that or a way to work towards something bigger than just sharing my creations on social media was gnarly. But this blog and your community have helped me find my way back. I mean, heck, Udal Cuain and my original blog, where I shared chapters, was the portfolio that landed me the corporate job. Although it’s gone, what I learned and experienced stayed with me and has made me grow into who I am now. This has been a full circle.
It’s been freeing to admit to myself and loved ones that I was depressed by that career loss. Starting over again has been confusing, but it’s not all figured out yet. There is still time to find a new place where I belong. I’m in the process of recalibrating, and that is a direction in itself. I feel freed from the weight of “monetizing my hobby” and the impossible summit of creating a small business as someone who truly is not cut out for the accounting or marketing parts.
Unmasking and Coping for the First Time
Truly, though, as I reflect on this year, getting serious about health – mental, physical, and emotional – for the first time has contributed to the feeling of optimism I have leaving 2025 that I did not have entering 2025. I have healthier boundaries in relationships, more honesty about how I’m doing, and whether I am feeling overstimulated. I recently got into rebounding, aka a fancy term for jumping on a miniature trampoline for cardio. Wow, I like this for my mind! It resets me, and it’s helping me get stronger. I used to feel ashamed of who I am. I didn’t understand why I felt so different, nor did I know how to communicate burnout without pushing friends and loved ones away. Being unmasked was tumultuous for the first couple of months, but now I never want to put that neurotypical mask back on.
How has 2025 changed you? I think it has made me unapologetically empathetic. Bolder to say I disagree with wrong because the stakes have been higher than ever in my lifetime. I hope to carry that forward into 2026, because I think the opposite of late-stage capitalism is community, so let’s burn it down with empathy. Thank you, dear reader, for spending time with me today. I wish you love and kindness.
It’s that time of year when the holidays kick in, motivating me to dream of all that I can make before Christmas. But this year I am doing this a little differently.
Stitch/Life Balance
I started working and planning earlier. I usually think about what I want to make around Thanksgiving, a month or less before Christmas which is an impossible deadline. Last year I made a temperature basket and pushed to finish it in three weeks, it was tedious and down right miserable.
Create Better
I had better out comes with smaller projects, like mittens for my mom. This year I am also using distinct inspirations, so the projects are easier to execute well.
Started Earlier
I started my Christmas planning in August and began work in September, a first for me. I am debating on whether to gift a fully completed sweater or keep it, it was made without a clear goal and is a cozy crochet cardigan. If I choose to gift it then, I actually started in July which is the ideal timeline for me. I would like to start making as early as possible next year.
Holding Projects for January
I have made one Halloween project, but other than that I have been focused on making for other people this fall and it feels great. No stress.
There are several projects in my mind, but I am holding them for later. January feels like this depressing months of “after” all the excitement of the holidays. This usually includes a lapse of creativity too. I tend to push myself to make all my winter stuff in fall. To be honest, it’s dumb.
It can frost as late as June where I live, and snow in earlier May. It is cold for at least the first quarter of the year so why limit my timeline?
I am hoping this new creative strategy will lead to better makes and a happier maker.
Soul Crushing Dread
I am struggling this week to not feel down. The Federal Government shutdown and Pennsylvania Government shutdown is causing havoc for a lot of people. SNAP benefits are being paused Nov 1, so is a program in Pennsylvania which helps people pay for heating costs. You can see the blood of the RSF genocide in Sudan from space. ICE is being spotted more in my state. Every thing is gnarly, to quote Katseye. There are some personal things being worked through behind the scenes, that can drag me down, and I just feel sad. My heart is heavy. I would like evil to disappear. As corny as it sounds, I’d like world peace for Christmas.
I hope you are doing well, and know that you are loved. Hang in there. I am struggling as a sensitive person in these overstimulating times.
Every October, I feel more alive. I don’t mean to sound like a cringe, halloween obsessed person. I think, October fills me with life because it is the first wave of chilly air, and gray, rainy skies. Summer’s heat and bright sun, is great, but I feel burnt out from the stimulation by the end of August. It’s a time to reset and rest, in the spooky season and colorful leaves.
For another reason, I’ve realized this year, Halloween feels like a recharging time, because it is a holiday that is just about fun. There is no family meal, no presents, no longing or ache for those who have died. It is a holiday that does have a focus more on death but in this healthier other space.
It gives me room to breathe before Thanksgiving and Christmas, and the anniversary of my Grandma’s passing, to feel free from this heaviness. For a moment, things feel simple and joyful again.
So to honor this time, I made my first Halloween themed garment with a self-drafted pattern using granny stitches, double crochet, and treble crochet to make this pullover vest breathable.
Purple, black, and orange are colors that work with my existing wardrobe so I believe this piece will fit in all year around…aside from the summer, for obvious reasons.
This is just one of many Halloween inspired creations, I am brewing up. I excited to see those come to life soon!
As a fellow neurodivergent person, or a neurotypical, do you look to October as a time to recharge? What’s your favorite “ber” month?
