Tag: personal development

Landscape Painting with Yarn

This year I’ve been looking for ways to use my stash as completely as possible and use up what I have to make new fibers and new projects. One way I accomplished this was through color palette knitting and through the stripe hype sweater. But another project idea I had this summer was to try minimal colorwork knitting by “painting” with yarn through a mix of new cotton yarn I purchased and yarn extras my mom passed onto me. This helped stretch the teal cotton yarn I bought, underestimating how much I needed to make a t-shirt. It was an opportunity to make a “graphic print” t-shirt out of yarn, something I didn’t have in my wardrobe, but sounded like a fun piece to wear.

These are the yarns I decided to use for the landscape painting section of the garment. Cotton yarn that was originally purchased by my mom to create handknit dishcloths in a color selection of blue, green, and pooling gray-to-white-to-blue, a lime green cotton-bamboo yarn, and the teal cotton I purchased. The pooling yarn was perfect for the clouds. Each side of the garment is unique because of this pooling yarn like a real sky. The plain blue was used for water, the dark green for a marshy grown-up bank, and the lime green for sunkissed meadows of grass. The teal was used for a distant tree line that was framed by the clouds.

I opted to make this oversized with a short sleeve opening, somewhere between a vest and a t-shirt because I haven’t decided how I want to wear this. As a t-shirt of course but do I want this to be a layering piece in the cooler months of the year? Or do I want to make detachable sleeves? That is something I am still milling over in my mind. I did split the back of the piece in a moment of indecision, where I thought it would be cute to make it a short-sleeved button cardigan. I may do this in the future. I opted to keep the t-shirt structure for simplicity and the ability to wear it more quickly. I was impatient to wear it.

I love projects that utilize things I already own and use techniques I haven’t tried before. Since this project I’ve begun to learn proper colorwork knitting, it’s been fun. Thank goodness for YouTube and knitting books to make the complicated things, like learning how to switch colors, feel approachable!

How have you been expressing your creativity this week? Do you like getting crafty? Are you a knitter and have you tried colorwork knitting before?

Thank You for 100 Subscribers!

While I was on vacation up to Erie I received exciting news! I saw this blog has reached 100 subscribers! It made my day. I am so grateful to everyone who has subscribed. You guys are amazing! I appreciate every view, every visitor, every like. It’s given me purpose in a season of transition, helped me get back into writing, and drawing, and feel more comfortable sharing Potato Technology designs online. It has also been a rewarding way to connect with people worldwide which I find exciting.

I’m hoping in time to connect more, and maybe keep comments on my posts to get to know you more. I’m just shy and scared of getting hate comments when I want this to be a safe space. Maybe in 2025? I’ll keep trying to be brave.

I’m looking forward to sharing bits about my trip and some more sewing and knitting projects I’ve completed in September. September was a busy month! I think heading into October, I’ve needed a break. It was good to get away and refresh. I’ve been feeling a bit of writer’s block the past week so I took a small break from the blog too, hoping to have renewed my creativity!

Thank you, dear reader, for such an amazing milestone! I hope you have a wonderful day and that I see you around the blog again. There are many exciting things I have planned that I would love to share with you. I hope you know that you are loved and worthy just as you are.

Slow It Down, Make It Bouncy

I think the only thing bouncy here is me feeling like I’m bouncing off the walls of my creative box after setting a goal in 2024. This goal was to get serious about my sewing and knitting Instagram account, use the creator metric tools, and learn how to use my digital marketing background to create engagement.

The Focus

I wanted a lifestyle change, an actual commitment to taking this seriously and it has worked. Follower count is a garbage stat on Instagram as mine hops around like a binkying rabbit, but engagement, interactions, and reach have been insightful tools to see how this can grow and what I should be working towards.

Now that it is Q4, um, I am creatively burnt out. So many reels, so much video recording, so many moments having to stare at my own face and body because I am the model, and try not to get body dysmorphia or feel self-absorbed. Yikes it messes with the head. The way some pieces of content have huge runs of traffic and some fall flat must be what it feels like to find the crab and miss the crab on the same string of pots. It’s wild.

My Internal Monologue

I spend time tracking and comparing one piece of content against another one that performed better on a different day or was posted at the same hour, so why did it perform differently? Did I use the right tags? How do I capture the same magic in a new piece of content? Should I use a formula for my pictures or videos? Oh no! Am I one note? How do I mix it up? Was that the right song? Should I create more content with trendy sounds? Was it my hair? Is it because I haven’t painted my sewing room yet? If I paint it a color I like will it perform better or worse? Should I paint it a sad beige? No that’s insane.

I miss the days of making content that didn’t feature my face, or my designs, and was not solely based on my own deadlines. But I hated that job?! Why do I miss the days of launching that Employee App or writing for an internal corporate magazine that was employee propaganda? I think its the artistic blues mixed with the echo chamber of the algorithim. When I get stuck in the metrics and the trends, I’ve noticed I have blinders to the things that are going well. Instead of appreciating any person who takes the time to watch my reels or like my posts, I refuse to let myself feel happiness.

It’s really unhealthy. It’s killing my mindset and keeping me from feeling inspired to create or to write. I’m just bottling it all up because I’m embarrassed of how this is getting to me. I feel silly. And because I am building something, and don’t feel like I have something to show for it, even though I do because it is on the internet. But how else in 2024 can you reach people in our world of technological disruption to our sense of community? So its not silly. It is work and can lead to something.

Wake Up

It’s time I creatively refresh and slow down. I’ve accomplished my goal of making it a habit and learning how to grow engagement. It’s time to shift gears. It’s October and I’ve barely written a piece of fiction or poetry. My artistic practice has slowed, my sketchbook gathering dust. What about Japanese, Korean, and the language of the piano? So dusty.

How about my goal to knit socks? It’d be nice to try at least one before 2025.

So as October, November, and December stretch out to the horizon, I’m looking forward to finishing this year strong and with renewed purpose. This blog is for all my hobbies; unfortunately, sewing is my coping mechanism. And when that landlord said we had to buy or get out, I went into a full-on sewing spiral.

It’s been a fun time. I’ve sewn so much more than I’ve even had the time to share on Instagram or the blog. It’s starting to get lost, all those moments, with haste instead of being shared with patience and proper love.

So I’m going to start. This afternoon I sat down and learned how to play the beginning of Für Elise. Tomorrow I hope to write and to feel free to create slowly. To be intentional with my time and pull my mind back into writing and the things I want to write about in my heart. Maybe some yoga thrown in there too.

Reclaiming the Calm

As I mentioned in The Rewards and Scars of Setting Healthy Boundaries, I am on a journey to let go of the cortisol and tension I have unknowingly stored in my body. I didn’t realize I was doing this, possibly for decades now, because I don’t feel my feelings I bury them, which I’m working on. The only time I think I wasn’t doing this was during my sophomore and junior years in college when I was doing yoga practice, deep breathing, and trying to get to know myself. Which sounds odd, but was a great way to get through a broken heart.

Emotional Unintelligence

The hows and whys of the broken heart are a bit complicated but I was muddling through the after-effects of a situation ship. Why a situation ship? Well, I believe I was doing anything and everything to feel something, because I buried the heartbreak I felt at the end of high school, realizing my dad had missed my entire childhood and turning 18 meant that child support, the only string connecting us was severed. I didn’t know where he was and if I would see him again. It turns out I did see him again and would be moving to the same town as him five years later, another story for another day. Life is wild.

Anyways, coming out of high school the weight of that broken heart was so much I didn’t know what to do with it. There was so much emotion, so much tension and confusion, in my mind and body that I didn’t understand so my brain freaked out and gave me my first taste of anxiety, depression, and panic. It was a lot. During this time I also lost my ability to cry. I went totally numb which was unnerving, but at the time I was happy at least I wasn’t overwhelmed by my emotions anymore. The downside was that I felt nothing.

I’m Chuck Bass

I didn’t like that. I’m a highly sensitive person, an artistic soul, and feeling is how I understand the world around me. I wanted to feel like myself again. Here’s where the mess began – I decided to go into dating in college in this incredibly unhealthy mindset. These casual relationships were doomed from the start. It couldn’t grow into something real because I wasn’t emotionally available. Which opened the door for the worst relationship type in my opinion the situationship. It was the exact opposite of what my personality needs or wants but hey, I couldn’t feel anything so how hurt could I get?

Blown Up Life

Yeah, this blew up in my face. Once I came out of this situationship and this time of emotional numbness, I realized that I had completely blown up my life. Close relationships that I had from high school were not there. I had not invested in good friendships and community in my college life either by not seeking it out or ditching out on friends who could have been healthy supportive people, because I was scared of these friendships. It was a mess. I was so lonely. I had to get to know myself because there was no one else. I also didn’t know myself anymore. Who was this numb person I had been? Who is this new person who feels, but also feels lost and lonely?

There was so much I needed to understand about myself before I could be a good friend again or try dating once more. I didn’t know where I was going, or who I wanted to be as an adult. There was so much change in a short time. It was time to pause, slow down, and spend time doing the work to find this new person within the closed-off shell.

Meeting A Healthier Me

During this time I became independent for the time. I started going to the coffee shop by myself and learned to be okay on my own, which was wild. This is a skill I’ve forgotten how to do. I let myself be alone with my thoughts, it was a rough road to get there. This time alone started with a season of insomnia, where there was no choice but to be by myself, and now I realize spent time alone with God even though I wasn’t focused on this at the time. I discovered new shows like Fruits Basket, Trigun, Firefly, and Vikings. I also began thinking seriously about what I wanted in life with this new scenario. I didn’t end up going to fashion school or doing the Fashion Business major I was supposed to create with my advisor. I found myself drawn to fashion history through the creative sandbox of one cool professor who gave us the freedom to explore our interests.

I also started doing yoga and learning to train my mind and my breathing to keep going when my body and mind were tangled up in knots from the stress and trauma of life. It was the first time I think I was doing exercise for exercise itself not for a job like paint crew or campus mail delivery for the mailroom, which were both pretty physical. My campus was old and full of hills and stairs, so many stairs.

2020s Version of Numb

As life goes on, things repeat. Life changed again and I got busy. I stopped practicing these healthy habits into post-grad and getting married which was dumb on my part. I got healthier but I don’t think I got wiser. So I find myself now relearning how to find healthy balance and healthy habits to rid myself of the tension and wild mind that has trapped me in a prison of my own making.

How do I find my way out? My plan is to reflect and discuss that process here as I go through this journey of self-discovery again because I think this is something we all face and I wish I had known more about emotional health when I was younger. There are a lot of things that kept that from being something I understood. We don’t always have the most emotionally mature parents and I think it’s hard to talk about. I hope you’ll join me on this little adventure.

Experimenting with Stitching and Basics

It’s that time of year when I am ready to wear long sleeves but the weather isn’t so convinced. This blouse is a project I made at the end of March 2024-early April 2024, that I completed and put into my closet to wear later. I was excited as soon as it began to cool off for the chance to style this piece! All summer long I’ve worn its sister piece, my denim houndstooth skirt that can also be worn as a dress that was absolutely lovely material to wear. It’s so breathable and has a bit more visual interest than the usual chambray, something I look for. This fabric is from Mood Fabrics, it looks like they no longer carry it which is a shame because I have two pieces from this cut of fabric, and I want to make more.

This piece is special to me because I did something a little different with the collar, I stitched in white the lines of a blazer lapel and lines of a jacket crossing over, for a bit of a formal feel. I originally wanted to make this fabric into a jacket but ran out of material, and I think it worked out for the best. I want to play with this stitching a bit more. It resembles a tailor’s chalk marking to me and I like that.

As the fall progresses and the temperatures continue to drop I’m looking forward to styling this piece with pants, vests, dresses, skirts, boots, scarves, etc. Styling this piece with new color combos excites me. I’ve only paired it with this brown and blue combo so far, which sparks my interest the most. I’d like to try this stitching application on trousers and dresses too with a solid fabric or maybe another pattern.

Do you like contrast stitching? Do you like clothing with a bit of whimsy like this faux blazer collar? Are you a fan of patterns? I like how different we all are and how tastes and preferences make this fashion thing, full of endless creativity. Thank you, dear reader, for stopping by. I hope we meet again soon. ❤

Letters of Healing – #1

Dear Grandma and Papa,

How are you doing? I know you guys are doing well. You’re together, and you’re not in pain anymore. You guys are not separate and are feeling the healing of that yourself.

It’s been a journey here without you guys. It got a bit scary for a while. Things got weird and frightening, but after four years, things are feeling familiar and more like usual. I didn’t think it could be possible, but I guess deep down I knew it could be, because you both found a new normal after losing your parents. I guess I felt guilty and strange letting my life go on without you for myself. It wasn’t what I wanted and I resisted healing for a season because I was in denial.

I found this composer, a fellow I think you with the proper introduction to his music, would be a person you guys would enjoy. He has the emotion and the beautiful storytelling in his music that I remember you both liking. His name is Joe Hisaishi. He composed the music for several films from a company called Studio Ghibli which I think you would prefer to Disney in this current moment. It took me a while to appreciate Hayao Miyazaki’s storytelling because it was so different from what the Disney formula is. The cultural parts, I think took the longest.

I know Japan was a bit of a mystery to you guys just based on your generation. You grew up with a different version – the Imperial Japan bombing of Pearl Harbor and the War in the Pacific were your first introduction as kids, growing up during WWII. It was a cultural relationship that did not have a chance to bloom.

My generation had a different introduction to their culture – sushi, ramen, Hello Kitty, anime, Studio Ghibli, Ninja Warrior, Harajuku fashion, and Nintendo. It was a different side of Japan. In college a professor you would know, Doyle, hosted a class about East Asian Film and Literature. It was quite the overview for one semester mind you, but in that short time he showed us some pieces of storytelling I still remember like Hero, Red Wall, and Princess Mononoke.

The last one, Princess Mononoke was a Ghibli film, my first one. The illustrations were incredible and the message felt so familar because of the region we all lived in – the rust belt. But what captured my admiration the most was the music. It was stirring, haunting, sad and hopeful, a courageous melody that swept over me in its beauty.

A few years later, Kyle and I watched My Neighbor Totoro which is such a heartwarming tale. This one set me on a new goal – I need to see Japan before I die so I can see those rural vistas captured in the illustrations of Totoro. I started learning Japanese since you’ve gone, which is a story for another time, but this probably sparked that journey.

This image from Totoro makes me think of the times we would go puddle jumping together, Papa, when I was a little kid. You made life so magical, both of you.

Anyways, there’s a song in particular, Grandma, that I think you would love. Actually I think you would love to play. The one recording of it on the album I was listening to has a piano solo by Hisaishi that has the same fervor and candence of the style you played in. I can close my eyes and pretend we’re in your piano room, you’re talking away as your playing it, and the room is filled the sound of the keys. This song is called the Merry-Go-Round of Life from the film Howl’s Moving Castle. (One I still need to watch.)

I wish I could play it for you. I wish I could play all of his songs for you. I wish we could listen to them on the boom box in the kitchen as Papa and I sat on the stools along the counter and tried to coax you, Grandma to just settle in and listen instead of tidying or cooking, or wandering around the way you used to.

I miss you. But I’m trying to not dwell on what I cannot change.

Love,

Magzie

My Friday Night Dinner Outfit

The start of September feels like the start of the Gilmore Girls season. Probably because it used to start airing around this time of the year, but also the show follows a seasonal structure. Usually beginning before or during the school year as Rory embarks on her next academic chapter. A key aspect of Lorelai and Rory’s life is the Friday Night Dinners at Richard and Emily’s house, every week. Emily and Richard, being rather formal people, expect a dress code for their family dinners being formal. It reminds me a bit of dressing up for church as a kid.

There is also a silhouette to the outfits each of the Gilmore Girls wear. They wear a lot of dresses with small cardigans over top, but they also pair fitted blouses with a knee length skirt, usually flared for Rory or a pencil skirt for Lorelai. Rory dresses with a more demure style, that reflects her academic personality where as Lorelai is a bit bold with her patterns, textiles, and colors. It matches her personality of being independent and need to separate her life from her parents’ world.

I thought this combination married both the silhouette of Rory’s style with the bold and playful textiles of Lorelai’s personal style. The blazer is not a Potato Technology piece, I ordered it from YesStyle, but the bustier top and skirt are my own designs. The Floral Print Grafitti Bustier Tank, I designed in 2023 from 1/2 a yard of fabric. This piece was draped and cut on the form. I wish I had known about making craft paper patterns at the time because it’s going to be a challenge to reproduce. The Expressions and Lines Skirt is a new design from this summer. It is a satin graphic print that for the first time, I was able to cut out the pattern directionally without any mishaps! I’m so pleased. 😀

I think the combination of pieces look a bit 2000s, mid 2000s for sure, and capture the essence of the time period. The blend of Lorelai and Rory’s style is a reflection of how I consume the show now. Which character I relate to is a blend as I get closer to Lorelai’s age when the show begins instead of Rory’s age, which is so weird to realize. I’ve truly grown up with this story, being just 12 when I first watched it. Lorelai’s story finds me more each time I watch it.

I Made the Stripe Hype Sweater

This is a weird knitting project for me because I usually can’t follow a pattern, at least it has been a few years since I tried to make anything with a pattern, and that was Butterick Retro ’44 #6374 and Butterick Retro ’44 #6485. They didn’t go super well.

This is the only picture I saved from #6485 because it was so bad. It felt like a weird Star Wars dress. But I digress, with knitting, I would like to rectify my aversion to patterns to learn new skills and appreciate the creativity, celebrate even, the creativity and talent of my fellow knitwear designers. So I was inspired by Making Cassie’s Stripe Hype Sweater knitting project and through my move, I decided to use up leftover yarn in my stash to make a sweater someone else designed. It was one of the most rewarding knits I’ve made all year!

Who Designed the Stripe Hype Sweater?

The original Stripe Hype sweater and sweater pattern was designed by Veronika Lindberg and the pattern was published on Ravelry in 2023. Now I didn’t realize there was an actual Ravelry pattern, I just gave it a go off of other people’s versions of the Stripe Hype Sweater on Instagram and YouTube, like playing a song by ear. Whoops! Sorry, Veronika! But here is the link to her pattern.

My Take on the Stripe Hype Sweater

This is one of my favorite sweaters I’ve made because it challenged me to do things I wouldn’t gravitate towards like using white on a sweater. After all, I’m pale and I’m clumsy so stains. But dang it’s a fun background for the colors of this sweater. It taught me how to balance color, to mix colors with more abandon, and to bring balance and order to my pieces. This is also a make that grew my skills as it was the first project where I tried casting back onto sections – such as the ribbed collar and the sleeves.

It was a rewarding experience and reminded me that even though I like designing my own pieces there is always something new I can learn from using a pattern and although I can find it tedious, it puts limits on my creative energy to channel it into a direction I may not have gone if not for the guidance of the pattern. Always have a teachable spirit, my grandma would say, and yeah she’s definitely right about it when it comes to knitting!

Have you heard of the Stripe Hype Sweater? Would you wear or make something like this design? What colors would you choose? Until next time, thanks for being here, dear reader. I hope you have a lovely day!

#63 – Apple Picking

We did something incredibly comforting this past weekend that gave us both a small delight. We went apple picking at our favorite orchard – Heagy’s Orchard in Northwestern Pennsylvania. It was the first time going back in four years and everything felt shinier, and happier, like the slump of the 2020s had shed and the area we used to haunt had come back to life, and so did I.

The interesting thing is I think now we instinctively felt like it was apple season at Heagy’s Orchard because these photos were taken on the same weekend, years apart, picking the same varieties of apples. None of it was planned. The pictures of my husband in the yellow plaid are from our first fall in Meadville in 2019, taken on Sept 5. The ones of me in a flannel and him in a hoodie are from Sept 7, 2020. And the first grouping, above, is from this past weekend, Sept 7, 2024.

How weird is that? I didn’t know we had a family tradition, him and I, but apparently we do and it was special to go back after such a long hiatus. Leaving Meadville-Erie area, a place that became home to us both after feeling like nowhere was home no matter how far we moved or how hard we tried in familiar places, was such a relief. Having to leave our home under the unfortunate circumstances of a dangerous living situation sucked.

It was frustrating that it was because drug dealers moved into the bottom unit of the house we were renting, with a considerable amount of domestic violence going on with them too, and the police doing little to nothing about it, which was despicable! There was so much pain and suffering in that situation. It only got worse when it became a squatting situation, the air was tense, and there was a gun. Not something you want to mess with. But not being able to fix the situation was a heartbreak that I shoved down in a box, to be left until I was ready.

Our new neighborhood in our new town where we lived from 2021 to the beginning of 2024, was like a high-strung Bailey Downs from Orphan Black, it never felt like home and so I had to keep that box shut and therefore couldn’t go to Erie or Meadville without feeling this rogue frustration, that until I returned there this past weekend, I couldn’t figure out why I was so frustrated and scared of the big emotion, But now I understand, it was a lack of acceptance compounded with the confusion of the dumpster fire that was 2020.

It was a lot of change in quick succession and my neurodivergent brain didn’t know what to do with in the moment, so I shut down. I was afraid I made a mistake leaving although I felt isolated and lonely after 2020, moving closer to family felt like oxygen. I’m glad in buying a house we are still able to go back up to the Meadville and Erie areas, because I realized I’m not done with that area, I just needed to be done with that living situation, and in turn, I really needed to get out of that suburban hell I fled to afterward to go back and see the place that made me feel home again.

The nature is just too pretty to be away from it for too long. There are these incredible ridges that stretch out in every direction. Fields, forests, creeks, ponds, marshes, and the closer you get to the lake it gets flatter until the big blue horizon meets you. It’s incredible. Is there a place or a tradition that helped you feel at home again after going through a tough time?

Blacksmithing – Micah 4:3

At the beginning of this blog I was reading through sections of the Bible that I did not know as well as passages that are taught quite frequently and I was letting God lead me in the process. This was my goal in 2023, and in 2024 I’m still doing that albeit a bit more chaotically than last year. I blame the move, but honestly, my focus has been all over the place except on my devotions since we moved which I am not proud of. Because of this I have been hopping around the Bible I was in Proverbs and then I was in Mark and now I’m sporadically reading through the minor prophets. I read through Jonah and now I’m back in Micah.

There was something that stuck out to me again as I read Micah chapter four yesterday but for a different reason than my reading in 2023. In 2023, verse three stood out to me because of the promise of peace, this time it was the historical process that caused me to stop and ponder.

He shall judge between many peoples,
    and shall decide disputes for strong nations far away;
and they shall beat their swords into plowshares,
    and their spears into pruning hooks;
nation shall not lift up sword against nation,
    neither shall they learn war anymore;

Micah 4:3 ESV

I was watching an I Like to Make Stuff video recently where Bob constructed a forge, followed by another video where he forges his own machete from a piece of steel. The process was fascinating! It is such a different medium from the fiber crafts I do because the material requires more persuading than scissors, stitches, or thread to be transformed. It requires heat to allow the material to be pliable, but you can’t form it unless you have a hammer to beat the metal into the form you desire. It can take many attempts of heating and hammering to get a crude shape. This doesn’t take into account the angle grinder or sanding to adjust the shape, plus the tempering of the metal through heating and dipping the blade to make it stronger. It’s a complicated process to make something.

This verse about ‘beating swords into plowshares’ and ‘spears into pruning hooks’ well depending on how expertly these weapons were made this is a lot of craftsmanship to be destroyed, and not reformed in one beat of the hammer. This would be a process. These would be precious resources that would need to be heated in the forge, hammered into shape, and reinforced with tempering. It would be a full transformation and would require work and commitment, so full submission to God’s will and full trust that you’re not going to need that carefully crafted weaponry or I think you would hold on to it. Because there was no Amazon 2-day to get more materials or a replacement sword or spear if you changed your mind. This was it.

Because we’ve lost this technology in our modern culture to other means, this picture of blacksmithing seems like an insignificant detail but I think it has a lot of weight to the meaning of the larger message in Micah 4 and the book in general. This was a full 180-degree shift from war to planting, something you only do if you have hope for the future and stability because you have to be there to tend to the crops and harvest at a later time. You are committed to the process.

I think it is also important that the weapons are not just laid down and cast away, instead, they are reshaped and forged by fire to reveal their new life as necessary tools in the kingdom. They had a past of different goals, but are shaped by a refining fire to become a new thing and serve a new purpose. For being an Old Testament book this surely has New Testament significance, as this is what being a new creation in Christ through repentance and salvation looks like. You are not cast away for a new thing, you are transformed for a new form and a new function.

Like a blacksmith with a forge and a hammer, the Christian life transforms us from one thing to another for a new purpose. Even if our former life was filled with contradictions to the one we are living now, that forge of refining fire changes everything.

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