Learning To Walk Away From Arguments

What is one way you have grown this year?

When someone is attacking your character, threatening pillars of security like your house, your cars, your bank account, for their own revenge, and is inciting derision in your relationship, how do you stay calm? I’ve been wrestling in these thoughts for the last month as a very unexpected thing happened that threw us for a major loop. I’ve been slow to write for this reason, because I felt so angry and bitter. All is good now though, in spite of the stress and the anger at the perpetrator of this stupid drama, but it begs the question, what does one do with these emotions?

When someone is attacking me, it’s a real struggle not to fight back and defend myself, or respond from a place of past pain and fire back with more gusto than the other person in an attempt to shut the argument down. But does that actually work? A younger me thought it did, but then younger me got the butt kicking of a lifetime by my uncle, who took a declaration of frustration at him and him alone, and manipulated it into a full on family fracture to hurt someone I love very much, my mom.

Lesson number two came from another family member, on a different side of my family, who doesn’t stop arguing. It doesn’t matter what the situation is, this person won’t stop nagging, or pushing their agenda. They refuse to take responsibility for their choices. They are the final boss of arguing, and it has taught me that fighting with this person in any way is futile. It doesn’t matter how wrong they are, they will not concede and so arguing, although it may feel good in the moment, for the temporary release of the emotional pressure valve, is dumb. There is nothing fruitful in addressing the problem with them, because they are denial of what the problem is really about. It’s terrible.

This has a paradoxical shift in my mind. Addressing the problem and dealing with it, is what I believed the healthy purpose of arguing was based in, but life is not that simple or noble. People are far more complicated and broken for that simple notion to be true. Learning to not engage, and walk away, even when someone is hurting you with their words, is the only way through sometimes. And it is incredibly difficult to master. It’s something you usually don’t learn until you are faced with impossible people. In the moment, you feel like the weight of their words outweighs what you know to be true. It feels like giving into manipulation, but it is not about surrendering at all. It is about preserving what is left of the relationship and moving on.

It is the art of learning not to argue. In both examples, my uncle and this other family member, created a stressful environment for me that left one option left. I have to walk away and not defend myself. I have to leave the argument behind. It is not weakness but instead a firm boundary rooted in the promise of a better tomorrow. It is taking the space to breathe and realize this relationship meant more to you than it did to them, and letting them go to fester in their own creation of chaos. You want better for them, but you can’t change them, or control them.

I have not mastered this, not even close. And to be fair, I have had many one sided arguments in my head. Their has been tears and lots of ranting. But not trying to explain myself or defend myself has helped me understand that their minds are already made up, and peaceful co-existence not being possible, is a them problem. I can’t want it more than them, I just have to let that part of our relationship evaporate into the sunshine. I have to focus on protecting my mental health by releasing the stress and hurt in healthy ways, like laughing, exercise, and quality time with family and friends that value the relationship with you, and want the best for you.

In time, walking away from arguments will get easier, I hope. This has been one of the most difficult lessons I have learned, in life. With both of these people, being members of the church, it has been a rough one for my faith. There is such hypocrisy in these relationships, and they both claim the high ground.

Leaving these relationships unsettled and broken feels like a failure, as we are supposed to live in harmony with each other, including other believers. Why doesn’t this bother them, like it bothers me? It makes me feel like a bad Christian. But that is probably another argument I need to just walk away from too.

Do you ever feel this way? Have you mastered the art of walking away from arguments? What helped you develop this skill?

June 18, 2026

Only Going to the Coasts or National Parks

What are the biggest mistakes people make when visiting your country?

Before I dive in, I’d like to acknowledge that the United States is a very big place, and it’s not easy to see all 50 states. Most Americans haven’t done that, nor do many of us have the opportunity to visit all the National Parks in our lifetime. There is a lot to explore, but that’s also why I am sharing this, because getting off the beaten path of travel vloggers and notable cities could be the key to making one-of-a-kind memories for yourself as a traveler. I want you to get the most bang for your buck and make some great memories! My hope is to emulate Geography King’s spectacular regional guides, which have helped me learn more about my own country and inspired me to want to explore new destinations.

The Big Two Cities

Now, this could just be the travel vloggers I have been served up on YouTube, or potentially James May being singularly focused on Southern California and New York City as the defining regions of America, but it can create tunnel vision. These destinations, I would say, are highly influential on a world scale, but as defining all of the United States, they are just one topping on the pizza. One character in the film. The rest of the United States is different from these microcosms.

We have a lot of cities to see, each with their own unique flavor. Chicago has amazing views of Lake Michigan, deep-dish pizza, and kayaking in downtown. Cincinnati offers a rich German heritage and skyline chili. Portland is a donut capital and uniquely charming, with stores and hotels unlike anywhere else. Boston has history, walkability, and seafood. Austin has barbecue, music, dance halls, and more. Savannah is a low-country gem, with historic charm and a complex history that holds important lessons from the past.

Many Regions with Endless Variety

The contiguous US has many regions: the Pacific Northwest, the Southwest, the Mid-Atlantic, the Rust Belt, the Midwest, Big Sky Country, the Southeast, the Deep South, Appalachia, the Rocky Mountains, and the Northeast. These regional distinctions are a great foot-in-the-door to research places completely unknown. For example, the Southeast and Deep South are known for their swamps, but did you know the Mid-Atlantic, specifically Virginia, Maryland, and Delaware, have swampy-marshy low country too? Along with great beaches and seafood, due to their proximity to the Chesapeake Bay! For another example, did you know that natural hot springs are found in central California, Idaho, and also Arkansas and Alaska? What about sand dunes? We have big dunes in North Carolina, Indiana, and New Mexico. There are tons of options for whatever you are looking to explore!

Tour by Food

I believe food is one of the best ways to explore the US. Food tells the story of the people, particularly immigrants, by which the US has been shaped. But did you know, we owe a great deal of our food heritage to black culture and the seeds carried here, by African people who were kidnapped and brought here as slaves? They cultivated the plants and created the dishes, that have become mainstays of Southern cuisine and Soul Food.

Indigenous nations, long before North America was colonized, developed a rich food history that has survived genocide and cultural erosion. Without their contributions food staples such as beans, corn, squash, salmon, venison, etc would not be part of our culinary knowledge.

Thirdly, the contribution of Mexican cuisine is incredibly important to understanding the food landscape of the United States. Without Mexican culture, we do not have tacos, burritos, avocados, tortillas, chiles, salsas, mole, tres leches, agave, etc. Mexican food deserves respect.

In addition, exploring the United States through barbecue, pizza, hotdogs, sandwiches, beer, and hamburgers is a great way to learn about regional lore. Take for example Carolina style barbecue, Detroit style pizza, the Po’boy, the Wisconsin butter burger, Dogfish Head’s Punkin’ Ale, or the Primanti’s sandwich. Go check them out!

Our Third Coast and Great Lakes

What is the Third Coast? It’s the coastline along the Gulf of Mexico that stretches across Eastern Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Western Florida. The Great Lakes sit to the North, along our border with Canada, and comprise five freshwater lakes. Moving from west to east, they are Lake Superior, Lake Huron, Lake Michigan, Lake Erie, and Lake Ontario. These regions are generally more affordable, less traveled, and offer stunning scenery, seafood, gorgeous beaches, swimming, and sunsets.

We are more than FL, TX, CA, CO, UT

Sure Disney World in Orlando is fun, Texas has Buc-ee’s, California has the redwoods, Colorado the mountains, and Utah has Moab and Zion. These are the big states for tourism, and they are booming, but don’t let FOMO and trends define your travels. These all very pricey, very crowded, except for Texas. Texas is just turned into the charicature, and this can drown out the real culture, for the kitschy cowboy vibes. Just like Montana and Wyoming, are more than just the Yellowstone of streaming. Looking beyond these popular destinations can break your trip out of the hive mind of the post social media landscape.

West Virginia and Kentucky

Don’t sleep on these two stunners. Along with Alabama and Mississippi, West Virginia and Kentucky are the butt of many jokes, even though the people are lovely, the scenery is picturesque, and these communities have been extracted to within an inch of their lives for coal that made a lot of people rich in other states, while making them very poor. Look beyond the hardships and the rough exteriors to see the good hiding underneath. Hiking, cave exploring, bourbon tasting, rafting, pepperoni rolls, and waterfalls are just a few things you can explore.

National Parks and Western Scenery Bias

Because of social media, I believe there is an intense focus on visiting National Parks. The views are incredible, the hiking is pinable, the content is effortless, I get it. These still exist at State Parks, without the extra fees. Trump recently added a fee of 100 USD, per person, for international travelers who visit the 11 most popular parks. Or you can pay 250 USD for a pass, but I think it’s wrong to paywall natural beauty that cannot be owned. NPS staff are also short staffed due to Trump’s DOGE fiasco, so this is plea to give these places a break while we sort out this mess for you and for all of us. Plus then, you don’t have to buy the 250th anniversary pass, with his ugly mug on it.

Take Yourself Out to the Ballgame

Why not go to a baseball game while your here? With 30 professional teams and 120 minor league affiliated teams, there are endless opportunities to take in a baseball game. MLB stadiums boast impressive view of their cities, with great snacks, affordable tickets, and a lovely day outside.

I Beg of You, Skip This City and This State

Please, do not go to Washington D.C. right now. The White House looks like a pile of rubble because of the ballroom build, and the UFC arena being built on the White House lawn. Go another time, when this is all a distant memory. Please skip Hawaii too out of solidarity to the local people of Hawaii, who have been priced out of their homeland by the rich and the land developers. Hawaii was colonized by force for military strategic position, over time Hawaiian culture has been diminished by forced assimilation into white cultural norms, and now overtourism is hurting Hawaiians once again. Let’s give Hawaii a break.

Kindness Still Exists

My final point is to not throw away the United States just because evil is being done by those in power right now. The majority of my fellow citizens are outraged and fighting to stop ICE, the War in Iran, Data Centers, and corruption. There are still good people here, who will welcome you with open arms regardless of where you are from, what you look like, or who you love. You are welcome here. Please come visit and let us share this beautiful scenery with you!

June 11, 2026

A Carrot Named Lila Lu Sang

A purple carrot. At first it reminded me of Purple Heinz Ketchup from childhood. (Anyone else remember that?) But really, this purple carrot is more natural, and normal, than our uniform orange varieties. Before we domesticated carrots into monotony there were vivid, rainbows of carrot. I’m glad we never lost these to time.

May 28, 2026 0

Ground Cherry Pie

The first in a new series called, Drawing the Seed Catalogs. We obviously have a lot of seed catalogs kicking around, what better way to put them to use? And the best part? Being able to find muses to draw without using my phone. 😁

May 26, 2026 0

I’m Going to Miss Watching Colbert

I was pretty late to the Late Show party, becoming a fan after it was canceled by CBS, for ‘purely financial reasons.’ What a shame that is! I think what we need more of is laughter. Pure, intelligent comedy for the sake of the joke. Not for the algorithm, or to bow down at the altar of tech bros, or the gold Nebuchadnezzar statue of Trump. But to instead frustrate the heck out of these life-draining entities with comedy.

In both my personal life and the greater world around me, the stress level is high. Morale is low. I think we’re all feeling tired by the burden of man doing what is right in his own eyes. But wait, there’s more! Now, the so-called “Christians” are whoring themselves out again, like the Israelites did in the Old Testament, raising up idols for their own gain and neglecting the covenant God made with them. It’s infuriating to be an adult and realize that this story is not a Bible story from the past, but a living example that continues to evolve with the generations, in repetitive cycles of taking God’s name in vain. Being the absolute worst representatives of God’s image, and claiming their actions are blessed by God.

As a kid, I naively thought this was what people from the past did, not us. In our “Christian” nation. I feel so dumb remembering how duped I was by the authority figures around me. As I got older, like we all do, we begin to see the signs of hypocrisy and corruption around us. Nowhere was it more apparent than in the Christian bubbles and institutions I interacted with. I remember my parents and grandparents warning me that the deepest cut would be in these circles. That sinful actions would feel more harmful in these environments, because we expect the believers around us to play by the rules, but we don’t. We treat each other just as badly, and sometimes worse, than the non-believers around us.

Politically, the age of MAGA and the culture wars of the last decade have exacerbated the tension in this dance of Christians being terrible representatives for the gospel, but wonderful representatives for their political parties, and the sin patterns being held onto, instead of being transformed by the sanctification process.

What I have the most irony, as I reflect right now as I write this, is that for my whole life, I have heard that the problem with America is that the church doesn’t preach sin anymore. This is usually targeted at things like unmarried couples living together, promiscuity, homosexuality, and gender expression. But I realize that, yeah, this is one of the problems with America, but not for any of the reasons listed above; instead, racism, bigotry, political idolatry, Nationalism, greed, capitalsim, extraction of the global south, ICE, Fascism, and more recently, worship of Trump, are some of the sins that are not preached about in the majority churches – and these sinful behaviors are running rampant in our world, destroying whole nations like Palestine, Iran, Congo, Sudan, and Lebanon for the sake of these bloodlusts “sanctioned” by people who aren’t being taught by churches that this is sin.

Getting back to the point of this post, all this darkness has felt like a dense fog spreading across all the light and truth, but comedy, by those like Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel, has cut through the complicit silence. Now we only have one of these shows left, although Trump calls for Kimmel’s job constantly. I’m going to miss Colbert’s voice in the void and hope that he finds a new place to do the same thing – call out the evil and stand for the truth, while making us laugh. The sweet pressure valve release of laughing through things that scare us is essential, I believe, for us to maintain our humanity.

It is a non-violent fight against fascism, an unwillingness to buy the crap they are selling us, and remain focused on what is good and true, when the propaganda tries to drown it out. That’s what is happening here with CBS, a complicit, chicken-sh*t response to pressure from above. What they have chosen to silence is the reminder to be kind, to be unwavering in our beliefs, and to not let the bad around us determine who we will be.

I’m thankful for the time I got to watch Colbert’s show, for the comfort pause to laugh through the ‘Hormuz news you can uz’ segment, in the middle of a war that none of us want but can’t depend on our leaders to stop, while watching our tax dollars be ripped from social programs to bombs and guns. It was like a balm to the soul, a place to reset and breathe, with a laugh. A way to process together. Thank you, Colbert!

In the meantime, what will I do? Watch Jimmy Kimmel. Rock out to the Piedmont Raging Grannies, and laugh my butt off watching RuPaul’s Drag Race.

May 26, 2026

Mia Portrait

A quick sketch of our rabbit, Mia, a harlequin rabbit. We think she looks like a latte, Mia Latte. 🩷

May 14, 2026 2

Dead Tree, Full of Life

There is this dead tree in our backyard. It’s stood since we bought the house in it’s deceased way, waiting for us to chop it down. We tried, and never came back to finish the job.

It’s grown mushrooms. Helped squirrels reach the nearby tree tops. I hope a few bats have used it as a place to relax.

Here I depict an other worldly version of this tree, full of life, draped in spring blooms.

May 12, 2026 0

NMIXX Fe:304 Forward Inspired Knitwear

Nmixx is a relatively new K-pop band, debuting in 2022 under the label JYP Entertainment. Comprised of six members – Lily, Haewon, Bae, Sullyoon, Jiwoo, and Kyujin, they are young but immensely talented. Nmixx had a rocky start, similar to Stray Kids, who share the same label, being panned as noisy and chaotic. As time passed, Nmixx developed its sound to a polished mix-pop with killer vocals. In 2026, they are finally getting the respect they deserve, and I am thrilled to see it!

They first came on my radar in 2023, thanks to their song ‘Love Me Like This’, but I didn’t become a fan, or NSWER as their fandom is called, until 2024 with their Fe304 album series.

Fe304: BREAK released in January 2024, with songs such as Dash, Run for Roses, and Soñar to help me get through the chaos of moving. Fe304: STICK OUT, released in August 2024, was the soundtrack of our trip up to Erie. Fe304: FORWARD hit just as we broke ground on the garden in 2025, and this album, some days, carried me through running that tiller in the mud and stubborn grass shag. From High Horse to Slingshot, this album changed something in me, lifting Nmixx to my favorite girl group (sorry, Aespa). Nmixx scratches a creative chaos in my mind that fills me with joy.

Bring a fan, I thought it would be cool to get some merch, which became quite difficult in 2025. With Nmixx being in their third year, there was a lack of offerings in the US, and those pesky tariffs from the head idiot in charge. So, I decided to get creative like I did with my Cosmic Tank.

Nmixx’s lore is based on water imagery; there is a whale on their lightstick, sea creatures, boats, and a water drop font. The font was my jumping off point. I went to Michael’s and picked up water-inspired colors – a cool purple, deep blue, and a variegated blue and white to mimic light dancing on the ocean. Three songs from the album Fe304:Forward caught my attention – Ocean, High Horse, and Know About Me, which features the girls going on an under-the-sea journey on this boat spaceship. The color palette of the album is similar to the colors I chose to knit with. I knew that for the color work, I wanted to evoke waves, incorporate ocean imagery, and feature the water drop font.

I chose to freehand a chart for the font using graph paper and an image I pulled from the internet from Nmixx promotional posts. The waves were more, see what I felt as I knit, the seahorse came from pure Pinterest roulette. The original chart was a cross-stitch seahorse that I adapted to knitting, on graph paper, later adding a stamp border to help the floats stay anchored. No pun intended. This was my first project using three colors at a time, and wow, it was brutal. On the front, I wanted the blues to create highlights and shadows, like a water drop would have. This led to some crazy tension issues and wild floats on the back.

Another issue I ran into was scale, particularly with the font. To achieve the bubbly curves, I made my scale rather large, stretching across two pieces of graph paper, and maybe this is just inexperience, or possibly I made my chart too complex, but I noticed myself ad-libbing stitches instead of following the chart due to all the mistakes I made. It turned out just fine, but it was not executed exactly how I wanted it to be. I’m pleased with the waves on the bottom and how they wrap around the tank. The back, I am lukewarm towards. I like the placement of the seahorse, for “High Horse” and the stamp for the journey they embark on, but the racer back is a little messy, since I was freehanding this pattern. But hey, the only way to get better is to practice.

Compared to my Red Velvet project, I felt confident that I could execute something to bring me joy and capture the spirit of the Fe304: Forward album. I love how this piece is one of a kind. No one else has this t-shirt or artwork, it’s a nerdy piece of knitwear for my special interest – kpop. ☺️

With this being my third merch project, I’m excited to see what speaks to me next. I’ve considered a Stray Kids Karma project and an Aespa Armageddon logo etched into a sweater. That one is going to be a big project, the logo is so intricate that when I attempted to sketch the chart last year, it was spread across four sheets pf graph paper. Maybe an Ateez project? Who knows. I do know that making your own art, and combining it with something you are passionate about, is a fantastic experience. Your passion becomes this physical object you can show off, and hopefully, bring a little sunshine to the world around you.

April 28, 2026

Drawing Pets as ACNH Villagers

Remember last year when I said I was going to create art consistently, starting with a study of Van Gogh? Oh good, me either. 😅 But in all seriousness, I am committed to making art this year. I miss it. These are three pet portraits I did of Midnight, Sully, and Mia, a few weeks ago in oil pastel.

I was inspired by Rachel Maksy to do this and spark a bit more joy in my life – and it did more than that! It helped me process grief too. I lost Midnight, over 15 years ago and Sully, just last August. Picturing them, hanging with my villager character, on this imaginary ACNH island, is a comforting little story.

For Midnight, I was inspired by Mira, for her spunky personality and fearlessness. I decided to change Midnight’s outfit to a clover dress from game, since loved clover the most of any treats!

Although Sully was Yorkie-Bichon mix, the dog and wolf characters are draw quite differently than what he looked like. Gonzo the koala in a perfectly Sully-looking sweater was just the ticket to capture Sully’s teddy bear essence.

Finally Mia was easy to pinpoint, Dottie looks like a Dutch rabbit which is similar to Mia’s harlequin color pattern. Since Mia loves baseball, dressing her in a baseball jersey seemed right.

I hope this brings you a little joy today. Wherever you are I hope you know you are special and deserving of love.

April 24, 2026 0

Pivot! An Important Sewing Skill

Okay, as a millennial, I can’t hear the word pivot without thinking of this scene from Friends. But, silliness aside, Ross was correct; you have to pivot and pivot well. The longer I sew, the more agitated I get when I make foolish cutting or measuring mistakes in my garments. Like my shortalls from last year, I tried them on over the weekend because it is feeling warm and springlike here, and I was shocked by how poorly I fit the shorts. The top portion of the shorts fits excellently, but not the shorts. No one wants weird bunching when it comes to shorts, and that was exactly the problem!

At first, I went through the stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance that no matter how delusional I chose to be, these shortalls are uncomfortable. I would not wear them. This made me feel so many regrets. The pink overalls I drafted completely from scratch, using a special fabric featuring corgis and bread from a Japanese fabric brand called Kokka Fabric, sourced from my local fabric shop, Firecracker Fabrics. The second pair was cobbled together as a challenge of fabric and repurposing. The fabric was 1 yard of 59″ cotton twill from Mood Fabrics, and the pockets were sourced from a pair of shorts in my closet. I refused to scrap these. But what could I do to fix these? With all the patterns at play, adding in a new fabric sounded scary. Cutting these into bags or future quilting projects was throwing in the towel too soon for me.

My solution came to me one night, as I was washing my face; I didn’t have to make a drastic change. I had to address the problem – the way I cut the curve of the pants. I could remove the section that divided the fabric into legs, and transform the shortalls into pinafore dresses with a few cuts and stitches! It was a success! The shorts are now a skirt, by cutting away the curved line and sewing a straight seam on the back and front of the skirt. I also made a quick swap to the back bib of the brown floral pair, adjusting the square bib to the triangle shape of the pink ones. This adjusted the fit of the dress in an excellent way. The purpose of the triangle, I believe, from the fit change on my garment is to eliminate gapping between your shirt and the back bib, so the fit follows the line of your body.

Now, sewing is not the only place to pivot, obviously. Problem-solving is a fundamental part of the creative process. Projects rarely work out the way you want, from knitting to cooking to building a piece of furniture. In this fast fashion, consume and donate, culture poisoning my country’s culture, we are losing the art of problem-solving. This has been exacerbated by the rise of AI and ChatGPT. Why think at all? Why imagine, ponder, or research? Why try if you aren’t going to get “expert” results? That is what the rise of optimization culture is creating: the fear of trying. But you have to try to become an expert. AI is not an expert; it is a thief, stealing the knowledge of humans who have spent years and decades striving to know, unafraid to try and fail. It’s literally the scientific method. So if you are an impressionable person, who is growing up in this current era, don’t give up your creative ability for AI to do it for you. You will lose crucial thinking and creative skills if you don’t exercise your mind and problem-solve on your own. Just do it.

April 15, 2026