Tag: inspire

A Sea Of Shifting Sand

The more I feel like I should suppress my feelings about something, the more I feel it pressing upon my heart to be bold and talk about it. Can you relate?

I feel like my world has been swirling around me since 2024. Change. Good or bad, I never feel prepared. Leveling up in life, it is rewarding yet sometimes it is more akin to biking up hill and shifting gears downward for the tough pedaling ahead. And I wonder if there are more people feeling this way?

My early thirties have been incredibly rewarding – buying a house, adopting a rabbit, building a garden, successfully sewing pants, etc. But they have also been a sea of shifting sand globally, professionally, and personally.

We all know the public, political bad – the orange fool that has put us all on blast for 2 years. The price of everything, including yarn & fabric has challenged my professional goals because it is so expensive. It zapped my creativity and threw me off my game. I mean, how can I feel inspired to create when neighbors are being kidnapped and put into concentration camps, and our tax dollars are going to fund a war and a genocide. It’s dark. Like where is the joy when that is happening and your “representatives” are trying to silence your right to vote?

I basically took a year off from sewing to regroup, picking up my thimble again this August. I threw my focus into yarn crafts – knitting and crochet, pondering what my plan is going to be to fight for what is right. It’s been humbling to understand that I can help and also this whole situation is systemic, and will be far more difficult to get to the bottom of then I realized. But game on.

AI and the poor economy has been discouraging to my professional goals of becoming a pattern designer. I would like to be a full time, fiber artist, that is bringing in money. But AI has been a one two punch of stealing work and stealing engagement of artists everywhere. It has made creativity feel hopeless, and sharing work online, like I am contributing to a malevolent overlord.

AI and data centers are like a curse dropped into our lives, disrupting what worked and what gave us joy. Now, we have to fight for our water, environment, and creative expression. I know we humans will win this one. I fully believe AI is a fad that will cause a bunch of damage and then collapse – like mining and steel, it is just going to be messy in the present and future. 

What I wasn’t prepared for was the personal complexities of marriage, healing from childhood trauma together, and the doom spiral of parents having health issues and also toxic parents dropping in to rock your world. I have felt some days like nothing feels familiar. Some days, this healing journey that Kyle and I are together has feel like a canyon, spreading between us, and we’ll never rejoin on the same road again. It has been so weird.

Why doesn’t anyone prepare you for how hard marriage is? Or how outside forces and generational cycles can seriously fight the strong bond you have with your spouse. I feel like he and I have been in the trenches on one of these outside problems for a decade now, and I just want us to be able to climb out of this together and walk home hand in hand, but people are complicated and so for now, we keep holding on together and waiting for the hard work to be over.

I have never tried so hard across so many different relationships, and tasks (gardening, house responsibilities, social media marketing) to grow and succeed just for things to unravel over and over again. I have felt like I am on a boat that cartoonishly keeps springing leaks, and I am out of limbs and props, to stop the leaks. Some days I wish the cartoon rapids would just appear already so I can sail over the waterfall and smash the boat to bits, because my best efforts feel so futile. I get burnt out and want a change. Because perseverance is exhausting. Choosing to be hopeful and keep going can feel like a cruel joke.

What has shaken me to the core though, and I’m nervous to talk about, is the way the church doesn’t feel like the church to me. My churching friends have become far too comfortable with Christian Nationalism and it is freaking me out. The blind eye to suffering, and the hyper fixation on “sins” that are not sins. I have always found it baffling that the concept of a person in the church getting a divorce, or seeing Catholic believers as “real” Christians is controversial to some people. It’s those kind of opinions that get canonized by the group, that are so destructive.

That’s not even dipping our toes into the sexism, purity culture, and racism that has been alive for centuries. Seeing how normal this is, has been infuriating to me. It has made me feel like I don’t know where I belong anymore. And to be honest, has awoken real life pain of never feeling good enough to be a “good Christian” to some because my parents divorced.

To be clear, I 100% believe in God and that God is good, and that it is the church, the humans, that are taking things to a bad place. I’d like to elaborate more on these reflections in another post, because I don’t think I’m alone in feeling like I am at risk of being sucked into the corruption in these normally “safe” spaces.

It’s not what I thought the church and my christian friends would become. The corruption is running rampant here, and I hate it. But this is not the first, and won’t be the last, because constant sanctification is needed to continually keep our focus on what is important – loving others as God loves us.

I have a ton of stuff to work through, and I am so far from perfect. I just want to open up about things I have been too afraid to open up about because of the highly controlling religious school settings I have found myself in as a kid, and no I did not go to Catholic school, I went to very Calvinist leaning private schools.

So we’ll see if I am brave enough to keep unpacking. I think we all just need to air this stuff out to move forward as the body of Christ in a healthier place, that is not wrapped in a fake cloak of hidden sin and cyclical shame of those who want to talk about the sin being tolerated, because the church in America is fine with teaming up with the political machine and money chasing.

This was a rambling one, but if you stuck through, I appreciate you.

3 Ways To Upcycle Your Hoodies

The harvest season awakens something in me. I know it is the season that everything dies, but it does so beautifully. Humidity, also bids farewell for 6 months, and with it the best time of the year for getting dressed awakens from its slumber. But what are you to do when the itch to buy something new descends, as it did upon your mind last August? I’m determined to find new ways to scratch this itch, without over consuming and overspending. May I introduce you to my newest sewing obsession – applique?

Applique is like drawing on my clothes. I love it! Items from my wardrobe that I don’t like anymore can be erased and sketched upon once again with needle, thread, and scrap fabric. Or sometimes you get the double whammy of upcycling a garment with applique, from another garment you aren’t vibing with anymore. This is what did to re-imagine three hoodies from my existing wardrobe with patches and cut up scraps from projects that didn’t work out, to recycle and enjoy those projects in a new form.

1: Removing and Replacing a Portion of the Garment

Sometimes, try as you might, you have to cut out a portion of fabric from damage. This is what happened to this hoodie. It used to have block letters, embroidered by machine, that I had grown tired of. Even though I had good memories from the destination this hoodie used to spell out across the front, I had grown tired of being a billboard for this place. I tried to remove the embroidery, very carefully, but my stitch ripper did its thing too well and made holes. To remedy this, I cut a large section of fabric, bigger than the area I needed to replace to fix this problem. Next I secured this to the hoodie, by hand sewing, but you could sew this with your machine very easily. Just watch for pins! Finally, I cut out a moon and some birds, abstract style, from scrap fabric, sewing those to the newly repaired hoodie. It’s ready to wear once again!

2: Why Not Add a Separating Zipper and Patches?

Sometime it is not the graphic, but the overall function of the garment that needs an upgrade. I do wear this light blue hoodie, but not as much as I could, if the hoodie had a full zip, so I could wear it as a jacket. To make this upgrade, I purchased a separating zipper, usually labeled as a jacket/coat zipper. Before I began my cut, I marked where to cut, ensuring I would cut evenly in the middle of the garment. Next, I pinned the zipper in place, adjusting this several times, for perfect placement. I sewed this by hand, which I highly recommend, since a special sewing foot and some direction is needed to sew zippers without obliterating your needle.

I was quite pleased with its new functional form, but it was still missing some personality. It was time to cover the Nike logo. Once again, I tried to seam rip the logo, but those logo’s are quote stubborn. Instead, I changed it up to sew these Canadian Geese patches and a moon to this area of the hoodie, inspired by the film Fly Away Home.

3: Cover and Forget the Old Screen Printing

Now for the easiest upcycle – covering a screen print graphic with applique. For this design, I layered pieces of the background fabric, which was cut to be mountains, into a night sky. When choosing an applique this sizable, I recommend trying this one before you sew the pieces into place. By doing this first, I noticed the graphic was extending into the armpit, not desirable for comfort or the image I was creating with this applique pieces. I trimmed from the sides and tried again, before I began to sew. I first sewed the sky and then placed the bats. These bats were also free hand cut on the fold.

By changing up the graphic from a business, to piece of artwork, I can share something I am interested in with the world. Bats. Bats are great pollinators and help us maintain the mosquito population. They are also ambassadors of spooky season. Through some sewing and a little imagination, I transformed an unworn hoodie into a favorite piece of art. I hope this inspires you to get creative with something you might toss in the donate pile, and give your garments a second chance with a dash of applique!

Thank You

I hope, dear reader, you know how much this WordPress community means to me. I have shared before how frustrating it is to share my designs on Instagram, how I have chased the algorithm and have been disappointed over and over by the shifting sands of Meta. The algorithm has felt even more desolate lately, not even showing my posts with my friends. It feels like yelling into a void. I feel like the rat in a cage from a Bullet with Butterfly Wings.

The reason why I started sharing my work on my Facebook and Instagram when I began sewing and picked up knitting again in the 2020, was to connect with others and find community. I’m tired of my feed drowning in advertisement, and feeling disconnected from others when they post and I post because we are not monetizing our every post. I don’t want to sell you anything. I want to inspire and learn together. I want to make art. I want to not feel alone, just like we all do.

WordPress has been the exception and your community makes me feel hopeful that in the AI Slop, short-form content, linked-below hellscape that is the internet right now, that we can still be there for each other. Thank you for every view, every like, every comment. You mean the world to me. Being an artist right now sucks, but you all make it magical.

I have been making a lot, organizing my work room, finding a lot of inspiration from like-minded folks on the internet and listening to good music. My favorites recently have been Haute & Freddy and rediscovering The Smashing Pumpkins after their amazing Lollapalooza performance. I wish you a lovely Friday! Until next time ❤

Maple Leaf Sweater

I love fall, and I wanted a sweater to celebrate that. But what makes this project even more personal to my taste, is the maple leaf motif at the neckline. Through my dad, I am half Canadian. They are from all over Canada from Saskatchewan to Alberta, and a lot from Ontario. Growing up, because of the nature of divorce and my dad’s messy relationships, I didn’t get to know this side until my twenties, and although it continues to be complicated, I wanted to knit a piece that spoke to my own heritage. Maple leaves seemed like a perfect motif to jump into. With the addition of the tonal yarn, this piece has a lovely fall gradient, that evokes the season, but doesn’t pigeon hole the garment into one season. I wear this in the winter and spring, without feeling out of place.

You may recognize the base of this sweater from my post, ‘Will I Wear a Knit T-shirt?’ and the answer for this project was yes, but, I’d love this even more as a full length sleeve! So as it goes, this project was cast back on to needles to make some sleeves, except, this time I tried a new to me technique – crochet – to create sleeves in the round. I wanted this piece to have a lot of texture, so I experimented with knit and crochet stitches to make this piece, which has a simple design, compared to my other projects feel a bit unique. In the end, I think I ended up with a lovely love letter to a part of me that I don’t always understand but are connected to even when they feel far away.

Glowing Clouds Sweater ft. Noro Yarn

When I first saw these dragon egg skeins, it was right in the wake of Joann’s closure, I felt a sense of wonder. Like, maybe there was more to see outside the cave, to paraphrase Plato. I began to look at niche and new to me yarn brands, and Noro stole my heart.

The yarn is effervescent, floating on the loveliness of its craftsmanship. The yarn looks hand spun, although it is made on a hybrid machine. It called to me, as a knitter who had stuck to the budget yarn and avoided wool for years because the scratchiness was all I could remember. I didn’t know that wool, in spite of the scratchiness, has unique properties that enhance your stitches and make caring for your sweaters easy. Wool is antimicrobial naturally, meaning you don’t have to wash them consistently like other garments in your closet. They can be spot cleaned and refreshed between wears. The other important thing I was missing out on was the way the wool grips onto itself, it has memory, and a squish that is unlike what I had experienced with my acrylic and cotton based fibers.

Now, the Noro had me from first sight, but how was this self striping yarn to work with? Great actually! I chose the colorway Kori, a cool toned blend of blues and purples, with occasional hints of green, red, and gray.

The pooling was well behaved and the transitions were gradual. The hand spun feel of the yarn did pose some issues for me, when it came to gauge. There were sections that were quite thick and disconcertingly thin. I did cut some of thread like sections out of my yarn, because one snapped on me as I was working with it. This led to some yarn chicken, unfortunately.

My lack of yardage was also my own fault. When I first ordered this yarn, from my local yarn shop, I had planned to make a vest. But once I felt the fabric the yarn created, I wanted a whole sweater. This was not going to be possible with 900 meters of yarn. I had to get crafty, and sourced some yarn from my stash that was a similar color and weight, and most importantly, was a non-super wash wool like the Noro. To mimic the color story of the Sauin, I was careful to splice in the other yarn where the colors made sense and I think it is hard to tell what is the Noro yarn and what is Knit Picks Palette.

So what is it like to wear? A dream honestly. It feels like a vintage sweater, like a wool sweater from the 80s or 90s, a find that would make you do a happy dance if you picked this up at a thrift store. It is minimally scratchy, warm, yet breathable. It’s made me a wool convert and a Noro stan. I want to make this over and over again. What will keep me in check is the price point and availability. Each skein of the Sauin was 35 USD. That is why I chose to add in yarn from my stash to keep this project at 70 USD, instead of 105 or 140 USD, since I am bad at guessing yardage. This yarn brand is incredibly popular, which has made it tricky to get my hands on, but I am seeing that is 2026 the yarn is becoming more common in the US. That makes me happy to see – every knitter and crocheter should give this fiber a try!

Tyra Banks, Gap Happy Stripe, and Project Runway 22

This post is a little bit of a mash up, I guess the connecting thread is Zac Posen, or maturity? I’m not sure. I’ve been mulling over two topics that have been in my head this week. The first is the premiere of Project Runway Season 22, the second, being a knitting “controversy” that I believe is not a controversy at all. So, maybe, the connection is drama fatigue?

The Television Evolution from the 1990’s to the 2020’s

Social media is bad for us, we can agree on that. It compresses nuance, and that is exactly what is happening here. But, in the case of television and the fashion industry, it seems to be brain chemistry altering, to borrow an internet term, and the effects are getting strange. This is far from a comprehensive history, just a quick snippet for context.

Television has gone through several iterations in my lifetime – from the rise of cable, to the golden age of reality TV in the 2000’s, to streaming. In 2005, YouTube transformed who could occupy our attention, shortly following in 2007, the Iphone brought a new screen to our lives. In 2020, Tik Tok became the supreme ruler of culture, with the short-form content revolution. Now, in 2026, streaming platforms of shows and film, are self aware that they are the second or third screen vying for our goldfish-like attention spans. This is bad for business. What are networks supposed to do? I’d say they are letting this short form content culture lead.

Enter Project Runway Season 21 and its new, Tik Tok and YouTube editing style with quick cuts and comedy edits, that are self-aware to a level, that was a bit jarring to me. It was like internet culture was uploaded to an established show of 21 years, in order to modernize it. It did just that, it laid its cards on the table of what producers think a successful television show must have in the mid-2020’s – drama and internet-personas instead of contestants, in my opinion. It’s only gotten worse with the announcement of Season 22.

Why is it so loud here?

It’s noisy. I feel like everything about the show is shouting at me. I tried watching the first episode, and quit after the intro. Instead of letting the viewer sit back and engage with the show, the show demands shock, shade, and a level of seriousness that is simply undermined by how the contestants, presenters, and judges act. They are caricatures of humans. Like Zoolander or The Devil Wears Prada, it’s not an accurate representation of human behavior. The drama has been dialed up to a point of puppetry and theater, which would be fun if it was for say, in the pursuit of comedy like RuPaul’s Drag Race, which I am a fan of. This version of Project Runway is not about the clothing or the craft of sewing. It is for the purpose of creating internet buzz and translating that into streaming numbers. It feels so trite to say that. Project Runway is a business, what I miss is the illusion of the storytelling.

Tim Gunn, Zac Posen, Michael Kors, and Nina Garcia brought an industry seriousness to the show that provided context. With the elimination of all but Nina Garcia, and the death knell of losing the spot to show at NYFW, the legitimacy of the show is in shredded. What is all for? Internet fame. Even the challenges were different last year, with sponsorship themes shoe horned into a semblance of “design criteria” and it felt off. For example, the PNC “brilliantly boring” challenge to use boring fabric. There was the Eczema awareness challenge, that should have gone deeper, but instead gave us a concept and then quickly shooed it off screen.

In contrast, I have gained greater appreciation for Drag Race and its the commitment to staying on topic.The causes presented on the show seem genuine and it is refreshing! Like it is all in alignment with worldview.

Lack of Integrity in the Fashion Industry

I think this is because to have a clear worldview in the fashion industry right now, it has to be political, and they don’t want to do that at Disney, and so the political stances are muddled for the sake of saying nothing. Which is a political stance, indifference is infuriating with the amount of clout the show claims to have. This show is fashion “influencing” but make it a reality show.

The worst part of this muddled stance is the inclusion of Tyra Banks. The Netflix documentary from this winter makes sense now, it was a PR project to rebuild Tyra’s image. I grew up with America’s Next Top Model, created by Tyra Banks. I watched ANTM long before Project Runway, and it was a sh*tshow.

She let the cameras roll in Season 2, when a dangerously inebriated contestant, Shandy, experienced SA, and then Tyra had the gall to keep her from the hospital and police, to keep filming. She framed Shandy as an example of cheating, and publicly shamed her for a decade. She pressured contestants, Joanie and Danielle to undergo dangerous dental procedures. Tyra created photoshoots promoting blackface.

She fat shamed and encouraged ED on the show, ignoring the dangers of ED, all while shaming contestants who couldn’t “hide it” well enough. This is just a short list of the problematic behaviors on the ANTM show, a show that preyed on young women of color, and then made a mockery of them, reinforcing racism again and again for profit. I have no interest in watching a show that Tyra Banks is a part of, when she danced around an apologize in her documentary and, in my opinion, did not take any responsibility. Just have integrity, it’s all I ask for. Apologize. Truly make amends and rebuild your reputation through real change. This path is not fooling anyone.

Connecting the Two

Okay, so how are my two topics connected? Well first off, I wish they had brought a quality judge back like Zac Posen, but secondly, I think as much as people are not up in arms enough about Tyra coming back to television, I think the internet is always trying to drum up knitting controversies, that are not that serious.

I was definitely dragged into caring about The Game of Wool, by my corner of the internet, and proceeded to make a bingo card, as my farewell, once I realized I didn’t give a hoot even if this show was a let down. The most recent “controversy” I’ve seen is the Gap Happy Stripe collection for Summer 2026, promoted by the CCO, Zac Posen. The collection is not a knitwear focused throwback, instead it utilizes technology to make something “knitwear” centered. The image of the original knit has been printed on a mesh collection, that I believe has a decently high polyester content, because mesh.

As a fiber artist, if I want a happy stripe inspired piece, I’m just going to recreate it. Done. I don’t need to feel slighted by Gap, or be frustrated that they are not centering knitters with “fake knitwear” as I have seen touted on the internet. Gap is a fast fashion company, the knitwear would be machine knit, and the workers are not being compensated fairly. It’s the fashion industry, its problematic. They make poor choices and they create a ton of pollution. They also favor tech “innovations” so this is not radical, it seems inline with Project Runway to be honest.

I don’t think Zac Posen should “canceled” for this or for us to spam Gap, with anger that knitters have been slighted again. I don’t buy store bought knit anymore. I certainly don’t buy store bought crochet, because its either fake or created with slave labor. I try to buy thoughtfully, make what I can, mend, up cycle, and treat clothing as a permanent object. I think that is the best we can do right now. The problems with the fashion industry are not contained to Gap. It’s world wide. I have no reason to buy a mesh printed garment, so its a moot point for me. Protect your peace, the world is incredibly messy right now, this is a drop in the bucket.

Do you remember the Gap Happy Stripe collection? I don’t. I remember colorful knitwear from the early 2000’s and wearing one from Old Navy or Aeropostale. I’m getting tired of the internet shouting. I’m getting tired of endless knitting drama. I’m quite tired of dumb reboots of shows I liked. Whew, I think it I did it! Thank you, reader, hanging in with me on this random post. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. ❤

Night Sky Sweater

I’ve mentioned this before, but as a maker, I revisit a single project many times before it is done. Sometimes I will live with a finished object for a month, a few months, or even a year, and suddenly pick it back up again to adjust something that feels off. Honestly, taking a season or two away from that garment – such as, putting away a dress for the winter, or a sweater while you sweat it out for the summer, can give your mind the space to forget and re-acquaint yourself to the garment like you picked it up from the store. It is a whole new piece again, which can lead to me be less than thrilled with past me and her design choices.

Take this vest for example, I began this project in December 2024, wrapping it in February 2025. I wore it a few times, as it stands as a vest that winter and spring, then it was put away for the warm weather. When cool air returned in the fall, I pulled it out of its drawer and set it on my dress form. This vest did not feel complete, it had more to say, even though my hands were weary back in the winter, so I stopped and called this piece done. But its not done, it would be a gorgeous colorful sweater, and it was time to go back to this garment to make it whole.

Now, this was a self drafted piece. A complicated self drafted piece that helped me cut my color work chops in a garment. This was the first sweater I made with such a large color palette and the first time I decided to make a knitted piece with the motivation of telling a story. I wanted to evoke a winter sky, with a moon that was visible on the front and back. A moon with stars, and clouds, floating above a forest. This sweater would not only feature colorful forms across the fabric, it would have texture. I chose to use the ‘seersucker stitch’ as it was labeled from a Pinterest chart, to weave a diamond texture into the fabric for a 3-D plush effect. I chose large and miniature color work sections to create ebb and flow in the color story.

For the bind off, I had grown tired of the classic 1×1 rib, so I tried something a little different! I chose to create tight stripes, knit stitched together. Instead of stockinette which used knit (right side) and purl (wrong side) for it’s classic construction, I decided knit stitch, knitting the right side and wrong side, would stabilize the stitches for a lack of curling in the finished fabric. And it worked! The technique and color changes ground the color palette for a cohesive garment.

Keeping these previous choices in mind, when it came time to add sleeves and a new collar, I chose to employee a new to me technique, crochet. I wanted the sleeves to be made in the round, and be completed quickly so I could wear this piece for most of the winter. Crochet is much easier to do in the round, and to make progress quickly. The crochet stitches allowed me to work in new directions too, so the sweater had vertical texture to contrast with the horizontal lines of the original vest. With sleeves complete, this is one of my favorite pieces to date. It tells a story. The color palette reminds me of Stardew Valley. The cloud on the back reminds me of an episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender when Appa is missing, and Aang thinks a cloud flying above is Appa floating above. I love the variety of colors – gold, navy, magenta, violet, and cream.

This was a labor of love, but I would highly recommend trying a complex project such as this if you are interested in making your own garments. Not only does this piece express my identity, it taught me how to be a better fiber artist. I feel proud each time I wear it. Get inspired and start stitching something from your own imagination!

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Blossom Bright Cardigan

A project that I have struggled with as a fiber artist, has been the classic cardigan. Like menswear, there is something deceivingly simple yet downright complex. This is my journey to make my first successful cardigan project!

To make this garment, I used 3 Caron Blossom Cakes for a total yardage of 1443, give or take a yard or three left over. I used a 5.5 mm hook and chose a combination of single crochet for the collar and cuffs, and double crochet for the body of the garment. This was my second crochet project, and I’m shocked with how well it turned out, compared to my first knit garments! Crochet is such a forgiving medium, compared to working live stitches between two needles in knitting. It’s simple to pull back progress to correct mistakes, without losing the integrity of the garment. Seaming the garment was far easier, using the hook to single crochet slip stitch the panels together. For the sleeves, it was a straightforward transition to crocheting in the round, compared to how confusing I find knitting in the round to be. In the same way, finding the stitches to pick up for the collar and button band, was a piece of cake!

Honestly, I have struggled with cardigans in the past – including felting a finished garment less than a week after I finished knitting it. It was devastating! The only thing I struggled with in this project was button color, size, and placement. As you can see from the featured photo and this one below, I have changed the color and button placement with wear. The vintage teal buttons I bought secondhand are brittle, one actually snapped in half. These tortoiseshell buttons are darker than I planned to use. I originally wanted to use buttons in a similar color value to the yarn hue, but the contrast is not bad. I think it brings more polish to the finished piece. The tortoiseshell buttons are actually the same I used on my felted cardigan. Always save your notions!

Because this cardigan is made from Caron Blossom Cakes, it is a combination of cotton and polyester, and is quite breathable for how chunky and fuzzy the yarn is. Now, the crochet stitches are certainly helping, but I am impressed by how comfortable this yarn is to wear. It tempts me to buy more, in a different colorway to make another sweater or cardigan. I have pause though. All the color offerings are vibrant. What if two garments with this yarn style is too much?

Overall, I loved my experience making this garment and wearing it. It’s a solid cardigan for Fall and Spring, with appropriate layering I’m sure I would feel warm enough in Winter too.

Have you crocheted a cardigan before? What was your first crochet project? Have you worked with Caron Blossom Cakes?

Town Farm Cardigan

I wanted to make a cardigan that celebrated our garden, with a yarn inspired by Beatrix Potter, that was made from wool, and featured a fair isle design. To do this I used Pacific Knit Co’s farm doodle deck and Knit Picks’ Chroma Worsted Weight yarn in the colors Beatrix and New Leaf. The Chroma yarn has become a fast favorite of mine for its durability and delicious halo. The yarn is comprised of 70% super wash wool and 30% nylon. This was a bit of a stash busting project, and a splurge. I wished to use up three skeins of deadstock New Leaf, finding the pink-orange-white of Beatrix was the perfect spring-inspired color palette upon which to build. Using a gift card from Christmas, I purchased 6 skeins of Beatrix, although I had to repurchase more with this project using thirteen skeins in total. Not cheap! But worth the splurge to create a piece I plan to wear for the rest of my life that celebrates the garden we have created here at our new house. It’s our in-town farm, as our friend calls it.

The bulk of this project was done on US 8 straight needles, and seamed together using a 5.5 mm crochet hook. The bottom ribbing was created using a US 4 circular needle. The size reduction of 1.5 mm, changed the gauge to create this floral ruffle along the bottom edge. At complete accident! But I like it. In addition, I used mostly stockinette stitches, with 1×1 ribbing at the cuffs, collar, button band, and bottom hem, and the seersucker stitch for added texture, in between color work sections. Will I add buttons? I am uncertain. The original plan was to use buttons, and have purchased buttons, yet I like to wear my garments first beforehand, to see if I want to wear the garment closed. Since yesterday was the Summer Solstice, I have a while to wait!

This garment took approximately 4 months to complete, along side other sewing, crochet, and knitting projects.

Learning To Walk Away From Arguments

What is one way you have grown this year?

When someone is attacking your character, threatening pillars of security like your house, your cars, your bank account, for their own revenge, and is inciting derision in your relationship, how do you stay calm? I’ve been wrestling in these thoughts for the last month as a very unexpected thing happened that threw us for a major loop. I’ve been slow to write for this reason, because I felt so angry and bitter. All is good now though, in spite of the stress and the anger at the perpetrator of this stupid drama, but it begs the question, what does one do with these emotions?

When someone is attacking me, it’s a real struggle not to fight back and defend myself, or respond from a place of past pain and fire back with more gusto than the other person in an attempt to shut the argument down. But does that actually work? A younger me thought it did, but then younger me got the butt kicking of a lifetime by my uncle, who took a declaration of frustration at him and him alone, and manipulated it into a full on family fracture to hurt someone I love very much, my mom.

Lesson number two came from another family member, on a different side of my family, who doesn’t stop arguing. It doesn’t matter what the situation is, this person won’t stop nagging, or pushing their agenda. They refuse to take responsibility for their choices. They are the final boss of arguing, and it has taught me that fighting with this person in any way is futile. It doesn’t matter how wrong they are, they will not concede and so arguing, although it may feel good in the moment, for the temporary release of the emotional pressure valve, is dumb. There is nothing fruitful in addressing the problem with them, because they are denial of what the problem is really about. It’s terrible.

This has a paradoxical shift in my mind. Addressing the problem and dealing with it, is what I believed the healthy purpose of arguing was based in, but life is not that simple or noble. People are far more complicated and broken for that simple notion to be true. Learning to not engage, and walk away, even when someone is hurting you with their words, is the only way through sometimes. And it is incredibly difficult to master. It’s something you usually don’t learn until you are faced with impossible people. In the moment, you feel like the weight of their words outweighs what you know to be true. It feels like giving into manipulation, but it is not about surrendering at all. It is about preserving what is left of the relationship and moving on.

It is the art of learning not to argue. In both examples, my uncle and this other family member, created a stressful environment for me that left one option left. I have to walk away and not defend myself. I have to leave the argument behind. It is not weakness but instead a firm boundary rooted in the promise of a better tomorrow. It is taking the space to breathe and realize this relationship meant more to you than it did to them, and letting them go to fester in their own creation of chaos. You want better for them, but you can’t change them, or control them.

I have not mastered this, not even close. And to be fair, I have had many one sided arguments in my head. Their has been tears and lots of ranting. But not trying to explain myself or defend myself has helped me understand that their minds are already made up, and peaceful co-existence not being possible, is a them problem. I can’t want it more than them, I just have to let that part of our relationship evaporate into the sunshine. I have to focus on protecting my mental health by releasing the stress and hurt in healthy ways, like laughing, exercise, and quality time with family and friends that value the relationship with you, and want the best for you.

In time, walking away from arguments will get easier, I hope. This has been one of the most difficult lessons I have learned, in life. With both of these people, being members of the church, it has been a rough one for my faith. There is such hypocrisy in these relationships, and they both claim the high ground.

Leaving these relationships unsettled and broken feels like a failure, as we are supposed to live in harmony with each other, including other believers. Why doesn’t this bother them, like it bothers me? It makes me feel like a bad Christian. But that is probably another argument I need to just walk away from too.

Do you ever feel this way? Have you mastered the art of walking away from arguments? What helped you develop this skill?

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