Category: Blog

Maybe the End of Gilmore Girls is Perfect?

When Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life came out in 2016, I was underwhelmed. Disappointed and frustrated? Like a lot more frustrated than I was by the vile season seven situation.

Tonight as I was sipping on some mint tea and letting my mind wander, maybe it’s the goldenrod pollen clouding my judgement, but as I sat and let my mind unwind, I pondered Gilmore Girls. In the background Florida and Tennessee play and a myriad of commercials clutter the game, including a Dancing with the Stars commercial featuring Alyson Hannigan who portrayed Lily on How I Met Your Mother. I remembered how much I disliked Lily and preferred Robin, yet now in 2023 I can’t see past the painful “not like other girls’ characterization of Robin. Then I thought of Rory. How Rory is special, that phrase hovers in the wings of every episode. But why is Rory special? Is she ” not like other girls”? Or maybe she is designated as special because the ending of Gilmore Girls ingeniously makes the odd writing make sense? Could it?

Hear me out, the ending that Rory writes a book about their lives called “Gilmore Girls” as the wrap up to the story was a bit on the nose for me. I found it a cop out to the illustrious future she was supposed to have and questioned whether this whole reboot was a cash grab (before that became a trend in the 2020s) and not a way for Amy Sherman-Palladino and Dan Palladino to get redemption for season seven and wrap up their show their way. I doubted and I scoffed. I questioned the whole revisit to Stars Hollow and have shunned it from Gilmore Girls cannon.

In the years since, I have struggled with stomaching Rory’s behavior and the self-centeredness of the Gilmore Girls throughout the series as their actions are brushed off and accepted as frickin’ adorable even when they are out of line. Maybe it was maturity or the reboot left a bad taste in my mouth? I’m not sure. Currently I stop my Gilmore Girls re-watches at the end of season five because Rory and Lorelai’s falling out in season six felt too close to some of my own personal issues. The Huntzberger drama and Luke’s daughter, the marriage of Chris and Lorelai, Lane and Zach’s marriage, etc. It’s all bad. So I end my journey at the end of season five and hope that Rory really doesn’t drop out of Yale and act like such an entitled brat in season six. I know it’s silly but I grew up with Rory’s story arc and she was a character I wanted to be more like. I wanted to be driven and achieve great things and early Rory was kind, thoughtful of others, I wanted to be like that. She doesn’t stay that way, she becomes a bit of a monster, yet her world doesn’t see her that way. How does that work? It’s one of the biggest plot holes to me, unless the ending of the reboot makes it make sense.

If Rory indeed wrote the Gilmore Girls story, then her main character energy would make sense. Her behavior would be excused by her bias. The town, friends, and family would revolve around her in her world and it would justify her inability to take criticism, because why would she need it if she is writing her “truth”.

The bizarre reflection of her choices and decisions that always come up smelling like roses no matter how bad her decisions are (like her affair with Dean) all seem plausible now. The magnetic energy of Lorelai and how she is the “queen” of Stars Hollow would also make sense because she sees Lorelai as her hero. Those behind the scenes out of character sweet moments from Emily and Richard, seem like wishful thinking instead of reflecting how manipulative they choose to be. It all makes sense. Even Christopher’s docile portrayal of not being that bad of a guy, even though he abandoned them, I mean I always wished for that from my dad. In the bad times, as a kid, I’d try to paint him in a better light.

It’s interesting to think of at least that maybe all the ugly of the final seasons of Gilmore Girls actually wraps up into something that makes sense. Rory paints herself into someone we like, a unicorn that everyone loves because she is telling the story and that is how it all weaves together after all. Something to think about at least as I rewatch the series again this fall.

Have you ever watched Gilmore Girls? If so did you like the reboot? Do you like the character of Rory through the entire series?

#34 – Shaping Up

*Trigger Warning – weight, self-worth, ED, sizing* No worries if this one is not for you ❤

I wasn’t planning to write about this, mainly because I felt so ashamed a month ago when I visited my local outlets with an expectant heart to find the perfect baggy jeans to match my YesStyle inspiration photos, instead of finding what I wanted I got my butt handed to me by the un-standardization of standardized sizing and underwhelming offerings of American denim in 2023. Yeah, it was that kind of trip.

Rude Awakening

So I knew I would not find exactly what I was looking for because I was inspired by the offerings of Korean brands YesStyle and Acubi Club, and American fashion is different. I also knew that the reflection in the mirror would not look like what the photos looked like because I’m Irish-German-Canadian and not Korean, I am built differently. That was fine. I’m also not the same size as most K-pop idols because I’m not in my late teens-early twenties, plus the addition of age, stress, and developing intolerance to milk and casein protein, my body put on some weight. I’m not happy about it but I’m working on it so that I can lose the weight and keep it off.

With all that in mind, I forgot that there has been a shift in the desired body type since the last time I bought jeans. Slim-thick and curvy hips are out, heroin chic is in. Yikes. I say yikes because the last time this body type was during the y2k era and 2000s, but at least we had stretchy hip hugger jeans. Some of these jeans I tried on that were for Fall 2023 had the 1990s baggy shape but with ridged denim and were cut exclusively for a straight up and down body shape. One of the stores I found the most disappointing was Aeropostale. Now I know this is skewed to junior’s sizing, but it had the most potential because of the aesthetic of the styles they advertized across their store. There is an Acubi and K-fashion vibe to it, including a variety of cargo pants, compared to American Eagle which was also at my outlet but had an entirely different aesthetic. But, Aeropostale was frustrating for one reason alone – inconsistent sizing.

As I combed through the denim offerings, looking for the biggest size to have the most oversized look I could, I overheard a group of high schoolers who had just tried on jeans and were worriedly sifting through the pants for a bigger size. Two to three sizes bigger as the very slim teenagers worried nothing was going to fit them. I should have heeded this warning, but instead I loaded my arm with options and headed to the dressing room, much like Mort as he scampers, unaware up the beach as the shark tried to bite him.

It did not go well. One pair I got somewhat on my body but it was nowhere near close to zippering. The other ones simply would not go over my thighs, the so-called baggy jeans feeling a lot more like a recycled mom jeans pattern from 2019 instead of the baggy skater jeans of the late 1990s and early 2000s. (Trust me, I remember wearing both and the mom jeans were heckin’ uncomfortable.)

Confidence in Tatters

I kept calm and carried on to Wrangler which was a mistake because the women’s jeans were fitted, hourglass-shaped, and no longer stretchy. Can someone explain how curve-hugging jeans are supposed to do that when they are rigid denim? Anyways. The men’s jeans fit fine, but not what I was looking for. With the wind out of my sails, Kyle suggested Old Navy. At this point, I was afraid of jeans and women’s sizing. As I walked through Old Navy I grabbed sizes bigger than I ever tried before, grasping at straws in hopes that something would work. Ironically last season’s jeans gave me what I was looking for. I found success in the clearance section and purchased my Acubi-style jeans for $10. It was a screamin’ deal. It also was an ego gut punch as I bought jeans three sizes up from where I thought I would be. I selected two pairs and they are each a different size yet they fit me the same. Please, make it make sense!

Although I was happy to have found a style dupe, I felt this sense of dread about the other pants in my wardrobe. Was it the clothing or had my body changed again? Were my handcrafted, self-drafted, un-sized clothing pieces wrecking my ability to feel comfortable in standardized sizing? It left me in a terrible headspace where I pinballed between unworthiness and an unhinged desire to punish my body with intense workouts and restrictive diets. All over vanity. I don’t like how easily I put my worth in my outward appearance. This trivial experience weighed on my mind and affected my August.

I no longer wanted to catalog styling my handmade pieces. I felt like hiding from the blog as my inner monologue was pretty nasty towards myself, I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I just wanted to hide until I could force my body into the current shape of the moment. I felt old and fat. I’m neither of those things, but the inner critic consumed me.

The Plan

For the next week, I pushed myself to dial back my bad habits, portion down my plate, and cut back on sweets. I took it a little too far and had to let myself have a cookie because I realized I was spiraling to a really unhealthy place where I believed I needed to earn my food (90s American diet culture, anyone?)

One positive that came from this diet push was to break free from the fear of tracking my calories burned and distance on the exercise bike, instead of it being restrictive I found it motivating. I even reached a pace of 3 min/mile. It was so exciting! The experience showed me that I needed to make simple swaps because my cardio was good and the muscles underneath some of my chubby bits were getting strong, I just needed to tone and get leaner.

Now of course, just as we make progress in life, discouragement rears its ugly head. I cut my leg on the bike so I had to pause riding for a week, which of course broke the habit I built. I began lifting the set of weights we had for exercise instead and hit myself on the shoulder. I got an angry ingrown toenail making my planks painful and a stomach bug to boot. All in the span of 10 days, life is good. But in the meantime I started doing wall sits every day and planks most days. I can do a wall sit for 1 minute to 1 minute and 30 seconds. My plank time has also increased from 30 seconds to a minute. My posture is improving, my mind is growing stronger, and I am seeing results in my arms, legs, and waistline. I don’t mind the portion control at all actually I’ve enjoyed getting healthier and eating more fruit like bananas with my oatmeal. Popcorn is my go-to evening snack and I let myself have a piece of dark chocolate or two in the afternoon slump.

I feel agency again in my own body. I’ve learned that the weight I put on is not out of my control, and I can change the shape of my body with discipline, not restriction and punishment. Exercising is more of a mental thing than a physical task, and when I am struggling to stay motivated to push myself I remind myself that I can do anything for 30 seconds. I’m going to apply that mindset to life when it gets scary.

#33 – Farewell to My Soundtrack of Summer 2023

Ice Melting as Tea Pours Over – The Iced Tea Maker

Crack of a Bat Making Contact on a Pitch – Masataka Yoshida and Matt Olson

Swishing into Water – My Watercolor Brushes

The Quiet of Windpower – Sailboats in Lake Arthur

Till We Meet Again – Aespa

A Duel of Roaring – Cash and Simba (Lions of Keystone Safari)

General Sawing Sounds ft. Router into Wood – Kyle’s Woodshop

Rotations of a Fan Blade – Window & Pedestal Fans

The Sloshing of Mud – Fish Pond Course of Tumbleweed Ranch

Popping – Boba Pearls

Sliding Across Dirt – Ronald Acuna Jr. Stealing Another Base

Words of Japanese – Hamusuke’s Japanese Learning

Antlers Scratching – Reindeer Barn

Small Munches – Goats

Tapping of Bamboo – Knitting Needles

As If It’s Your Last – Blackpink

Screaming Goats – Stephanie Canada Videos

Cardboard Opening – Alexandria Ryan

Shrimp Sizzling – The Wok

Crackle of Caramelization – The Grill

The Yell of an Incoming Pitch – Shohei Ohtani

The Tortoise and Hare – Stray Kids

Whoosh of a Golf Club – Driving Range

Sound of Accomplishment – Animal Crossing New Horizons

Thread Pulling Through Aida Cloth – The Burrow Crossstitch

Severe Weather Briefing – Reed Timmer

Thunder that Shakes the House – Cold Fronts

Squeaks on the Front Stoop – Chipmunk

Lawn Mower – Bob’s Landscaping Service

The Real – Ateez

Rattling of My Bobbin – Singer Heavy Duty Sewing Machine (aka Señor Senior Singer)

Sticking of Clay to Make Faux Wood Grain – Rachel Maksy

Pedaling – The Exercise Bike

Who Are You Listening To?

After Daniel and some prayer for direction, I landed on 1 Corinthians as the next place in the Bible I felt the Lord leading me to wander through. The first chapter of 1 Corinthians, a familiar book, really stuck out to me; honestly, I haven’t been seeing things the same way since. I’ll explain.

A little background on this book and my faith journey, when I was a kid I got this book and the book of Chronicles confused all the time although they are about vastly different things. The Corinthians being addressed here are members of a church in Corinth, an ancient city located in south-central Greece. This is one of two letters written to the church by Paul. He knew the people and addressed specific issues being raised in communication between him and the members. It is also a look into how the early church navigated living in a multi-cultural world in the Roman Empire that was not a Christian culture. It is an example the modern church can use to look to for direction in our current-day issues that are not unlike the ones faced by the Corinthian believers because we are all fallen humans, so there are bound to be problems in how we live in community together.

Therein is the rub. Some modern believers take the conversations in the letters of Paul verbatim and copy and paste the ancient scenario into their current day with mixed results, sometimes as a weapon and sometimes in love, it’s a complex thing that gets oversimplified based on who is teaching it. Actually, it sounds a lot like the passage I read in 1 Corinthians 1:10-17.

I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.  For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers. What I mean is that each one of you says, “I follow Paul,” or “I follow Apollos,” or “I follow Cephas,” or “I follow Christ.” Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?  I thank God that I baptized none of you except Crispus and Gaius,  so that no one may say that you were baptized in my name.  (I did baptize also the household of Stephanas. Beyond that, I do not know whether I baptized anyone else.) For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel, and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

1 Corinthians 1: 10-17 ESV

I tend to be less excited when I start reading through a book of the Bible when it is a book that pastors and teachers seem to loop through, like the gospels, 1 & 2 Corinthians, Romans, Acts, 1&2 Thessalonians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians and 1&2 Timothy, etc because those sermons feel like they are washed across the pages like a lacquer keeping me from getting in the pages and their intrinsic message from God. The new level of podcasts and social media commentary on the Bible being shared at rapid fire is making it worse in my opinion. There are so many people’s hands on it and their words of interpretation live rent-free in our heads more than God’s understanding.

Now I’m not trying to pick, obviously, the word needs to be taught and all these tools we have at our disposal should be utilized instead of ignored. People are literally doing their best and I appreciate them for the work that they do and acknowledge that it’s a tough thing to understand and teach. I guess what struck me from a place of frustration was the inward conviction of – well if you weren’t understanding My Word through the words of other people and were following me first, the teaching and opinions of others second, maybe you wouldn’t have this problem, hm? Ouch. Yeah, I’m guilty of that. But thankfully those kinds of moments of conviction from the Holy Spirit are an invitation to dive deeper, there is a way forward to get back on track and I love that about the Lord. He never leaves us where he finds us, we choose not to move forward but His hand is always open to take the next step.

This was kind of a short reflection on my read through 1 Corinthians 1, but I hope that it encourages you in its conciseness. What I gleaned from it was simple. Follow me.

I hope wherever you are you are safe, loved, and know that your creator sees you. You are special. ❤ Until next time.

A Cozy List of Movies

What are your top ten favorite movies?

Waking Ned Devine (To Ned!)

This was filmed a few years before I visited Ireland and feels like a time capsule of memories plus it has a memorable storyline.

Twister (Dorothy flies!)

I love weather, and following the adventures of storm chasing. The 90s vibes are strong with this one, including a vintage Jeep truck.

Sweet Home Alabama (Do we know, Mo?)

Since getting married and briefly living in the South, this movie has grown fonder in my heart. My dream growing up was to move to NYC and show at Bryant Park like Melanie.

Bridget Jones Diary (Just as you are.)

I am a lot like Bridget Jones and this movie is just so heartwarming.

Pride & Prejudice (What excellent boiled potatoes.)

I love you, most ardently from your aesthetics to your soundtrack. The filming is a pure delight.

Madagascar 2 (the whole series, honestly. Basset Hound!)

Clever, witty, and not just a kid’s movie.

Runaway Bride (Wake up with Flem!)

Her name is Maggie! And I love the autumnal world of this 90s movie. Kyle and I also visited the real town on a vacation.

Pirates of the Caribbean (Savvy?)

I enjoy pirate things – the aesthetic and history. Great scenery and fun storytelling.

The Family Stone (more than a Christmas movie)

This movie is so dang relatable. I’d love to live in their house.

Hocus Pocus (Thackery Binx, thou mangy feline!)

Iconic, full of camp, but loveable nonetheless.

Honorable Mentions:

  • What About Bob?
  • Fly Away Home
  • Father of the Bride 1&2
  • Shrek
  • Curse of the Were-Rabbit
  • Logan Lucky
  • To All the Boys I Loved Before Series
  • Harry Potter Series 1-4

#32 – Keystone Safari, Nook Inc. & Loneliness

I am full of delight with hints of fall dancing in the cool breeze of a cold front and speckling the leaves of trees with those first hints of autumn. This is my favorite time of year, as summer fades into a golden glow that leads us into the merriment of fall, Halloween, and beyond towards Christmas. I’ve noticed these little moments as I walk around Keystone Safari, a place that has refreshed my soul more than I could imagine. I’ve found a safe, consistent place to walk and be surrounded by nature. Not only nature but the beauty of creation because Keystone Safari and its sister park, Living Treasures. They are two wildlife conservation parks nearby that have brought a sense of peace and wonderment to an otherwise mundane small town.

Through these experiences, I have been able to see penguins, lions, giraffes, kookaburras, kangaroos, mandrills, anteaters, and more up close and have been astonished by the creativity in their design and the magnitude of what an incredible world we live in.

I love animals. I have since I was a child and if I had been a better biology student, maybe I would have pursued a career where I could take care of animals. Not being in a house currently where we can have a pet, I forgot how comforting being around animals can be, even healing. The opportunity to go feed, pet, or just observe and learn about animals from around the world has been a great blessing. Getting more sun, fresh air, exercise, and experience around big groups of people again has been good for me too. I am not good with crowds.

The reminder of that smacked me in the face on Monday when I went to a local county fair and immediately panicked, by the sea of people. As I walked back towards the animal barns in search of the ‘Goat Olympics’ and rabbit judging, the constant waves of people made me feel like a salmon fighting against a current. No matter what I did I could not relax. My usual trick of looking at the sky did not calm my mind. Instead, I felt like I was white-knuckling it until the exit gate came into view. I feel embarrassed when crowds get the best of me and I wish I could be one of those people who is unphased by the spectacle of it instead of feeling overstimulated.

Something that does bring me back to a state of calm though is a short visit to my current Animal Crossing island. I recently deleted my previous island Acorn and created a new island called Oddinary in hopes of creating a cozy fall-themed island with the fall recipes that will be in the seasonal rotation again. The name of the island is inspired by Stray Kids’s EP Oddinary featuring the songs Venom and Maniac. There is a spooky vibe to music videos that I thought would meld two of my favorite things – fall and k-pop into one cozy place of my imagination.

If you have never played the game, and my knowledge is limited to New Horizons, the game follows the 12-month calendar and is a little escape from reality on an island that you transform from deserted to a community. For me living in a hyper-individualistic (more like selfish) culture, it is like living in another time when community was important and cheers me up on the days I feel lonely.

Although my life is full of blessings, I’ve been feeling melancholy and hiding away in knitting and sewing projects. I need to continue to dig into my devotions, and my faith and trust the process of what I am going through with my parents because God does not leave us in states of loneliness, nor does He forget about us when we need people. He brings people into our lives to fill the gaps of those who have left us and He sustains us with His love and mercy. That’s what I need to focus on and instead, I tend to dwell on what I want not what I need. And I have so many great people in my life who want to be there.

One of those amazing people is Kyle and I think each day I grow fonder of him. Each day we find something new that we have in common and for that I treasure the peaceful bubble that God is leading me towards, cutting away the distractions yet surrounding me with friends who want to be like my family. For that I praise God.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Genuine Moments

I used to be a regular Youtube viewer, especially as a broke newlywed, free content on Youtube was a must compared to paying for streaming or cable. In the mid-to-late 2010s, it was a happening place filled with adventure and wonder. Some of my favorite channels during that time were ones that have gone on to big success, the trap of overconsumption of ideas, just plain fell apart or have run out of ideas.

These channels covered the things I was yearning for – adventure with my best friend, the fun of trying new things and translating fashion knowledge to real life. The videos back then were less planned, and more chaotic, and felt like you, as the viewer, were their plus one coming along for the ride. Along the way though, things have changed. Maybe I’ve changed, maybe they changed, or simply just the world is a different place. But there is something different about Youtube videos, a magic spark is gone.

It could be the sponsorships and the AdSense money that has made it less genuine. Or maybe it’s the success of the channel that actually ruins the genuine moments of those early videos? Like there’s a chasm between the viewer and the content due to unbelievably or fakeness because this is a production now! That kind of thing irks me.

I find myself opening the app, scrolling through my subscriptions, and then switching to YouTube Music to watch a music video if I watch anything. It’s just stale. The videos from these old favorites are monotonous, uninspired, and unwatchable. Of course, I’ve moved on to new channels, but even with these new options, Youtube is not the happening place it used to be. I feel the same way about Instagram too. Any hold it used to have on me for scrolling thankfully is lifted and if I am going to waste time on a device, it is usually running across my island on ACNH.

So, why am I rambling about this? Well, I was struck this morning by such a genuine moment on social media from Yuu’s Adventures. It filled me with warmth and I wanted to share these genuine and wholesome places on Youtube that I hang out in now. Because I realized the magic spark is not over, it’s just in some new haunts.

  • Yuu’s Adventures – Warm welcome to Japan and its culture. Educational, heartwarming, and down-to-earth. Yuu’s storytelling pulls you in.
  • The Fast Lane – This channel is OG Top Gear UK if it was in Colorado. Real consumer advice, cheap car challenges, epic road trips.
  • The Wads – Kimberly Whisk will melt your heart. When I miss my grandma, I watch Kim. She has been a mini-mentor to help me find my footing as a wife and woman as life goes on after disappointment.
  • The Maine Woods – Cory & Gracie are heartwarming. Cory restores cabins and explores the woods of Maine with his trusty black lab, Gracie. She is an expert at finding Moose sheds.
  • Simple Living Alaska – Eric and Arielle share recipes, show how they build things, and share their adventures in Alaska living simply. They’re not selling you anything.
  • Geography King – As Kyle (that’s his name, not my husband) puts it, this is a place to find geography videos from a nerdy type perspective.
  • Kogarana’s Bunny Popo Channel – This is pure cuteness. The owner, Popo-chan the bunny, and Peto-kyun the cat, make some of the most relaxing and comforting content I have seen.
  • Reed Timmer Extreme Meteorologist – passion and real heart, intercepting dangerous storms to study and help people stay safe.
  • Stray Kids’ Vlogs – Are you feeling lonely? Here are eight new friends/brothers to keep you entertained. Join the family and let the laughter ensue. In their spare time, they make music.

I hope this brings a little sunshine to your day. 🌞 Stay tuned for knitting and sewing posts coming soon! I’ve been quite busy knitting up a storm. Until next time! 💓

Start of Something New

The process of trying something new is a strange thing. It is a step into the unknown that can be filled with excitement and trepidation. Trying something new involves getting used to a new normal or getting the hang of a new skill. You open yourself to the heights of success and the depths of failure’s despair.

When it is an experience, you have the memories, and when it is a new product what do you have left other than an item you don’t want anymore and less money in your bank account.

That’s what I am muddling through on this bright August morning – how to make sense of my experience this weekend. I bought a new product, several new products that were supposed to improve a monthly experience and they were less than underwhelming.

There was the initial excitement of shopping for the item. The hours of product reviews and research to find the right option. The excitement and hope as I opened the package that this would be as life-changing as they promised. The first try of success, the ease with which this new thing was being used. It was groundbreaking until it wasn’t.

The next day there was a failure, upon failure. This wonder item was no longer a wonder but a black spot on my palm. It drug me to the depths of disappointment and dashed my hopes upon the rocks. Waves of emotion, including a few curses washed over the day.

A day later, with a good night’s sleep and hopefully a clearer head, I try again. Instructions steeped in my mind I set out to make this blasted thing work like the product reviews. I want to be as happy as them. I give it another go, and immediately it is difficult.

But the instructions say there is a learning curve, you have to keep practicing! Let us help you with our customer service tips! Except you actually feel bombarded with more information than you know what to do with. So I keep going.

They give back, I’m doing a good thing, right? Right! You tell yourself. It’s better for the environment, but it’s damaging my calm. Keep going, you tell yourself.

It keeps getting worse, yet I keep going learning into that learning curve, with outstretched arms I want to learn this skill. Be a part of the new normal, until the failure literally slaps me and you better believe it hurts.

The wonderful promise in tatters and the guaranteed experience of better is making you see red. What was the purpose of it all? It was the start of something new.

You Are Loved

List 10 things you know to be absolutely certain.

1. You are special.

2. There is no one like you.

3. You were created for a purpose.

4. You are seen.

5. You are known.

6. You are not forgotten.

7. You are beautiful.

8. Your story is not over.

9. You are worthy.

10. You are wanted.

Learning Japanese: 6-Month Update

A goal I’ve had in mind, well really, a dream I’ve had since I was a teenager was to be able to speak, read and write the Japanese language with fluency. This is a big goal, I know. But my desire to do so has grown and grown, even though I know this will be one of the most difficult things I have attempted. Six months in, I am seeing why it is a daunting task. Has my passion diminished?

Why Do I Want to Learn Japanese?

My interest was first piqued watching season three of America’s Next Top Model, as the top six were flown to Tokyo and were given tasks like shopping in the Harajuku and Shibuya neighborhoods, ad reading commercials in Japanese, and going on go-sees within the city. I was amazed by the beautiful land and culture that was so different from my own, yet felt incredibly intriguing. I guess I felt fernweh for the first time in my life.

My next crossroads with Japanese culture was G4’s broadcasting of the original Japanese Ninja Warrior. This is where my desire to learn the language of Japanese hit full throttle. Although there were cut scenes at the end of segments with a narrator speaking in English, the rest was completely in Japanese from the commentators to the contestant interviews. I fell in love with the cadence of it, in awe of the way it rose and fell. I wanted to understand what they were saying and how they were saying the words. I wanted to be able to read the syllables written in beautiful calligraphy.

Moving forward to high school, my best friend introduced me to Naruto, my first anime. I dove deeper into Japanese aesthetics as my love for fashion design blossomed. Another friend went on a missions trip to Japan, she brought back pocky and fascinating pictures of the city she lived in during her time in Japan, including the kei cars which made me smile just looking at them. Fast forward to college where I watched Departures’ travels through Japan, watched more anime like Fruits Basket and Vash the Stampede, and researched Japanese aesthetics for fashion history projects.

In my twenties, I discovered Studio Ghibli, James May Our Man in Japan, Ivan Orkin’s episode of Chefs Table, the fashion of Nana, and the ability to dip my toes into the language through Duolingo. Duolingo wasn’t cutting it though. Hiragana and Katakana were hard to grasp because I was not learning to write them out. The gamification nature of the app distracted me from learning and retaining the language, instead, I just focused on not losing hearts. So I needed a real shot at this.

Going Back to Books (and Some Technology)

In January 2023, I made a big purchase. I went on Thriftbooks and bought Japanese Language textbooks, Hiragana instructional books, a dictionary, and a grammar book. All of these resources were cheaper than paying for language learning subscriptions from Duolingo, Babbel, Rosetta Stone, and Lingodeer by the way! I grabbed a notebook and a pen. It was time to sit down with my lesson book.

This is when the real challenge began – motivating myself to be a good student without a teacher there to keep me on track. Yes, I realize I probably should have signed up for a class, but I made the investment in the books and had a burning passion to accomplish my new goal – to visit Japan with fluency in Japanese so that I could be fully immersed in the culture. That was the goal.

How is it going so far? Well, the books have been a fantastic resource. I retain far more information by doing than by just visual or auditory resources. The lessons have enabled me to take notes and begin committing the things I am learning to memory such as basic greetings, sentence structure, pronunciation, and speech patterns. I have also begun memorizing Hiragana and Katakana.

This has single-handedly been the most difficult part of learning for me. I have been the tortoise, not the hare when it comes to writing and reading Katakana and Hiragana. I’ve been memorizing them for months now and I still have yet to remember each one perfectly. One of the reasons my lesson progress has slowed down is because I switched my focus purely to acquiring the written form of the language, and once I grasp this I still have Kanji to learn – yikes!

It’s overwhelming but not impossible! To set myself up for success, I downloaded a calligraphy app that instructs users on how to properly draw each syllable. The way I approached my Hiragana attempts before using the app is dramatically different from how I should be drawing them. I am so grateful for the ability to learn the correct form through something as accessible as an app. You can literally practice anywhere. I spent a solid two months solely focusing on how to correctly draw the syllables, remembering their meaning, and pronunciation.

My friend also sent me a video from “The Joy of Kanji” series on Youtube and Instagram, in which the teacher draws the word, the historical Kanji form, and modern Kanji to illustrate the word’s meaning. This has helped me tremendously grasp what Kanji is first of all, and how to begin thinking in Japanese. As someone with an artistic background, I actually prefer the way the Japanese language uses pictures in its communication compared to English. My brain is beginning to click with it and with proper understanding, I feel less overwhelmed and more encouraged to keep learning.

There were some concepts I was still not grasping – like the pronunciation of the “R” sounds. This really confused me. To help me grasp pronunciation and work on my listening comprehension, I turned to a Youtube channel called “Learn Japanese with Tanaka-san” which is a fantastic resource. She creates such thoughtful lessons that have boosted my learning and comprehension within a few videos. There are listening practice videos, conversation crafting videos, and videos that feature a listening and speaking style of a batch of phrases. Tanaka-san, otsukaresama deshita!

Goals for the Next 6 Months

  • Do more lessons in the book! I have only completed four in the first unit and I am not pleased with my slow progress because I have been procrastinating with the lesson book specifically.
  • Have a solid foundation with Hiragana and Katakana that allows me to read without looking at my notes
  • To begin committing phrases to memory
  • Correctly pronounce “R” sounds

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