Category: Blog

Following Fashion Week With New Excitement

This past fashion month (September) I actually was paying attention, something I haven’t done since college. I even watched clips from the shows, something I used to stream between classes at the library. So what made take a break? And what brought me back?

Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar, W, ANTM, and Project Runway

There’s no denying that in the 2000s fashion magazines were king. There was no TikTok, nor were there social media influencers or Instagram baddies. It was a time of slower trend cycles, compared to the cycle we have seen so far in the 2020s. (I’m talking about you, micro trends.) At the time, as a kid and then a teenager who dreamed of being in the fashion world one day there were a few ways to get acquainted – America’s Next Top Model, Project Runway, and fashion magazines.

America’s Next Top Model was my first foray into this world, with the second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth seasons being particularly formative. In the third season, they went to Tokyo and introduced my mind to Japanese street fashion. The sixth season featured a finalist from my hometown. I practiced the poses, the smize, and my model walk with dreams of getting to Bryant Park either as a model or a designer. It wasn’t until I realized you needed to be 5’8″ or taller to be a runway model that I began to pivot to designing as my full-time dream, like Melanie in Sweet Home Alabama. I had been sketching since I was 10 when my friends and I decided to make our own fashion magazine. I was in charge of sketching collections and I’ve never stopped since. 🙂

In middle school I found Project Runway and was hooked on the design aspect of the fashion world, that’s when I knew I wanted to become a designer, and I wouldn’t be happy until I found a way to do it. With this newfound fascination with becoming a fashion designer instead of a high fashion model, I learned from Tim Gunn how important it is to understand the history of fashion, and from Michael Kors and Nina Garcia, I took note that I should understand the industry at large to plan how to make my mark in this world. That’s when I began seeking fashion magazines. My aunt gifted me a subscription to W magazine for Christmas and my mom gifted me subscriptions to Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar. She even took me to Barnes and Noble to track down French and Italian Vogue. Together my Mom and I became students of fashion. It was a blast.

Fashion in the 2010s

Social media and politics have taken fashion magazines on a weird bender, in my opinion, and by the mid-to-late 2010s, I was on a much tighter budget, with underwhelmed expectations for these once beacons of fashion. Social media through the platforms of Instagram, YouTube, and Pinterest were far more fashion-forward in my opinion by this point, and the best part was they were free. And so I swapped my magazines for social media pins, posts, and clips. From 2015 to 2019, I found fashion quite dull and overrun by minimalism and athleisure. With thrifting gaining popularity, searching through clothes that already existed to create fashion called to me more than the glossy pages of Vogue. It was such a weird swap, that at times made me feel confused. I always loved fashion, but the high fashion runways became boring to me during this time period, and I began to question the point of it all. And so I opted out.

I still learned about fashion through deep dives into fashion history but this was far from the runways I used to fawn over. At this time, Vogue seemed far behind the trends, but they still do, to be honest. Social media opened a world that wasn’t curated by fashion people, instead, it is the fashion of people.

Global Ambassadors and Kpop

Then I met K-pop which was a new way into fashion, an electric explosion of ideas fresher than my fashion magazines of old. With each comeback, performance, and music video slaying with a lot more fun than the Met Gala in my opinion. But there was this old ghost hanging in the background. Global Ambassadorships. When I began to listen to Blackpink it was quite evident that they were connected to the fashion world. With Jennie Kim working with Chanel, Rose with Saint Laurent, Lisa with Celine, and Jisoo with Dior. It was in the lyrics, the music videos, the posts. Everywhere. I paid attention a little, but not much.

Then I noticed Hong Joong from Ateez attending Balmain shows. Okay, my interest was piqued.

But the ultimate tipping point came this summer when Hyunjin was named an ambassador for Versace, a few weeks later Felix was given the same honor by Louis Vuitton. It was hinted that Lee Know was going to be at Milan Fashion Week for the Gucci show, unfortunately, a car accident occurred days before the show and both he and Hyunjin were unable to attend. Thankfully they are okay.

The ultimate tipping point for me to give in and watch Paris Fashion Week again was when I.N. was invited to attend Alexander McQueen’s show – and sit in the front row. Is this the dream collab for me? YES! Alexander McQueen is my all-time favorite designer. And so like me ten years ago, I watched the runway. I watched the McQueen show and clips of the Louis Vuitton show, of which Felix was front row. Who knew K-pop boy band ambassador appointments would reunite me with the world of high fashion. Life is a funny thing.

So what do I think of the runway since taking a 10-year break? I think my love of luxury fashion and fashion week has become refined. Instead of wanting to consume all of it, I now find myself enjoying specific designs and aesthetics. Maybe it’s maturity or maybe it is because I am working on my sewing and design sensibilities for myself. The clothing really has to speak to me for me to see them as high fashion now. Luxury no longer equates high fashion to me. Street style has just as much impact to me and I would rather consult Steal the Spotlight and Pinterest’s offerings than the runways exclusively. I can’t stop seeing the business side of fashion magazines and runways now. Some of these items, are blah and played out yet they get their face time simply because they have a label attached and that is stuffy to me now.

Will I check out the shows next year? Yes. Surprisingly, it still has a magic feeling about it. I love the spectacle. And maybe one day, I will be closer to the dream of showing my own collection.

Jack-O-Lantern Lounge Pants

One of my favorite memories from childhood is carving pumpkins into jack-o-lanterns with my Papa. Together we would plan out our pumpkin design, and like the pals we were, we would set to work! Papa would carefully place the gourd on newspaper and we would ponder the sides, choosing the perfect canvas upon which to carve. Then with Mom and Grandma in toe, we would gather around the kitchen table to begin our masterpiece. The very same table I sit at now as I write this.

The kitchen table with my sewing assistant, Bones.

Papa would handle the knife and I with a spoon in hand was in charge of scooping out the seeds and pumpkin flesh. Like an assembly line, Papa would cut a small piece from the top, which was attached to the stem making a lid. With my mind-filled young curiosity, my hands would dig into the pumpkin, into the cold cavern of seeds and orange squishy goodness, wondering if would it be as fun as last year? Would it be as squishy? I still love squishing my hands between the seeds and the pulp. My Mom and Grandma sorted the seeds from the mess, rinsing and soaking the seeds to later roast in the oven. The memory of this process still lingers in my mind at the taste of salted pumpkin seeds. It was something I looked forward to, a hallmark of October.

Each year the pumpkin face was different, spooky and goofy, the way we liked our Halloween festivities which consisted of carving this pumpkin and the neighborhood trick-or-treat. The pumpkin carving happened a few days before trick or treat. I remember getting excited when the night came because I knew that meant I could dress up and wander the neighborhood with my friend a few days later, collecting candy as we went. When I saw this fabric at Joann’s it tugged at my heartstrings of those memories of childhood. The faces of these pumpkins look just like the way we would craft our jack-o-lantern. It was nothing too fancy, we were far from experts, but the expression carved from a kitchen knife had a certain charisma that I loved.

Not only did the pattern call to me, but the fabric was incredibly cozy, being made from a heavier flannel. I had to buy it. In true me fashion, I cut one side of the pants upside down, so my trademark pattern-matching mishap carries on into my fall-winter sewing escapades. I think at this point I should just embrace it. I’m not sure if we will carve a jack-o-lantern this year but here is our proud pumpkin friend from 2019. Happy Halloween!

My You’ve Got Mail Moment

Do you remember that scene in You’ve Got Mail when Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox are at that dinner party, and he is antagonizing her and all she can do is stare at him? Later on, she emails NY152, and Shopgirl reveals how frustrating it is that she happens to freeze when someone pushes her buttons, and instead of having anything in reply her mind goes blank. I was thinking about this scene over the weekend as I had not one but two encounters with rude behavior.

The first was on Saturday, in Joann Fabrics. As I browsed the clearance fabric in a narrow aisle cluttered by overhanging fabric bolts making even one person in the aisle feel cramped, a woman who was probably a Gen-X to my Millenial, pushed her cart down the aisle and proceeded like a flash flood to move forward. Not saying anything, she kept walking, and walking, until I felt her cart in my leg and then she started saying in a syrupy voice “So sorry, excuse me.” She continued to push until I realized, she wasn’t apologizing, I was going to be moving or getting run down by a cart. The idea of not physically moving me out of the way did not exist in her mind. At that moment, all I could think of was “Where am I supposed to go?” which was ignored and I skedaddled out the aisle and watched her not even look at the section I was in and carry on to the next aisle where she did the same thing. I was baffled. I thought the behavior was coming from a pushy desire to get the fabric I was looking through, and now I think she didn’t even noticed that it was there or that other people existed in the store.

Now reader, the reason I am sharing this is not to rant or put her down, but to discuss the frustration I have in my own mind that I freeze in these situations. My mind goes blank like Kathleen Kelly and I wish it didn’t not because I want to be a mouthpiece of malice towards people I find rude, but instead to have any way of voicing a change. To have the maturity and the wherewithal to speak in wisdom and inspire people like this to re-think their behavior so that instead of being the person everyone in the store was avoiding, this woman could be a person bringing warmth and good energy to the group. But I can’t think of a single thing in those moments. I can’t even stand my ground respectfully without getting scared. I wish I could be a better person.

Now the next day, stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic due to road work, the unthinkable happened. We were merged into the left lane due to the right lane closure for road work and a woman who was old enough to be my mom, screamed down the right lane refusing to merge until she ran out of pavement. That is when she began to throw her Audi SUV, not a cheap vehicle, into the two-foot gap between us and the next car. We had nowhere to go and she continued pushing. She stared us down and began telling us that she was getting in and that’s that. She came within inches of taking off the right front side of our car, and it was only prevented by the traffic in front moving forward at the exact time. I was verklempt and rising in anger at the wastefulness of her actions. I don’t know the financial situation she has, but paying off my car has never felt easy. Making the progress I have has felt like a miracle because I bought it used in 2021 and it was marked up due to the car shortage, but we needed a running car. I would never willingly use it as a battering ram because I have to be first in a merge lane, because it is worth too much to me to treat it like an expendable accessory. It gets me from point A to point B and I am grateful to have it. I would never want to take someone’s transportation away to get one spot ahead in a merge lane.

That situation was just a bad moment, that happens because people can be pretty crappy, but I’ve replayed the moment in my head and wished there was some way in those crazy highway moments to diffuse people. Make them see reason and remember that these big life-altering actions, don’t have to happen. You can back off and apologize and people will respect you for it. How can we inspire change on the road and inside the aisle of the store? I wish I knew.

#36 – Gratitude and Growth

This year has been weird, weird because I tried something new. I took a step back and let something that had felt out of my control for years be out of my control. I stopped pushing, trying, fighting, and shape-shifting. Instead, I waited. I took my hands off of my relationship with my mom and submitted it to God. I was at rock bottom, our relationship hit an all-time low in January. We were no longer Rory and Lorelai, we were Emily and Lorelai careening towards Emily and Gran. Things were bad. Our communication was broken, and both of us seemed to be unbothered by the problems, allowing it to be the status quo. For just shy of a decade our relationship had been in a bad place. My life took a wrong turn when I was in college and never righted its course. We were no longer pals, but secretive enemies.

I thought this was the final destination for our relationship. I was not hopeful. I put it down and left it. For months I barely spoke to my mom. For six months we did not see each other. It was the longest break we ever took. Even when I moved 14 hours away, we saw each other within 5 months. The distance was too far. This year it felt like I lived on the other side of the world. It pushed me to be still to process what I was doing wrong and to realize what I wished our relationship could be like.

When my mom had surgery this summer, the thought of a complication taking her away woke me up out of this experiment in distance. I visited her and it was strained, but doing a normal thing, like visiting your mom after surgery, seemed to bring a little normalcy back to our unbridled mess. As she recovered our relationship ebbed and flowed like tides. One day we’d be comfortable, warm, and friendly. The next it was cold, distant, irritating. I began to wonder if the small bit of hope was just that a small taste. That maybe it was what it was, and I needed to adjust my expectations. Could we get along in my adulthood? I was uncertain and began to think that maybe my mom was my best friend as a kid because I was young and different. Like my personality and needs have changed and that was how it was. I began to encourage myself to accept it, but I didn’t like it.

But then August and September came and something changed. They came to visit us, and we went to visit them. We stayed for the weekend and went to a familiar fall haunt, the Antiques in the Woods show in Ohio. I had fun, I remembered the past times we had together at this event, and I met a friend of my mom and grandma’s who told me how much they loved my mom. They told me stories of moments I missed over the past decade when I was not interested in spending time with my mom and painted a portrait I hadn’t seen in a while. They reminded me of who my mom could be and why I was always so proud to have her be my chaperone on school trips or invite friends over to my house because my mom can be really cool and a sweetheart. All the baggage of grief, growing pains, family fights, moves, it had all clouded my vision. I was seeing through the eyes of pain and past, I wasn’t seeing her in real-time.

We hung out with them again recently and went to Erie Bluffs State Park. I remembered how much I loved traveling with my mom. When the trip began my plan was to show her Erie in hopes that she would like a place I was considering moving to, but instead, I felt this pull to not leave again. I felt this peace to remain where I am and be comfortable in the familiar and close proximity to home. To not be afraid of staying close to home and not be scared or ashamed of my roots. I’ve learned a lot this year and I feel immense gratitude for the process of how I learned because if I had not fully walked away, my eyes may have stayed clouded in the lens of the past instead of looking toward the future and appreciating what is right in front of me. My Lorelai to my Rory, my home that still remains, the ideal mom-dad-dog-plus a husband that fits like a missing puzzle piece, the family I always wanted. I just needed to wait and be open to things getting better.

Will we probably fight again? Oh most definitely, but have I learned you can repair what is broken. Yes. And that is what I am grateful for. That might be the most important life lesson because it teaches resiliency.

Bunny Hat (Loverboy Hat Recreation)

This is a project purely inspired by Stray Kids and their Los Angeles shows from their 2023 Maniac Tour. I was fangirling hard for these hats, and so are a lot of people because even with a high price tag the hats have been sold out. I really wanted one that would emulate the joy that these hats create in my heart and so I decided to try making one. Now, I’m recreating what I can see in the image and because I am not using a pattern, I have no idea if my dimensions are correct at all. That part actually makes me feel better about recreating the Loverboy Bunny hat because I will have to put my own spin on it!

The Inspiration

Adorable, right? Their stylist killed it. I love how cartoonish the hat is yet at the same time it feels wearable and is warm. A casual staple for a maximalist. The middle photo is from the Maniac M/V which I forgot Seungmin wore this hat in the video. I probably have been wanting this hat for a year and a half without realizing it because I was obsessed with the fashion of the Maniac video in 2022.

The Process

This was not an easy thing to figure out. I referenced photos of Stray Kids members on stage and the actual photos on Loverboy’s site. I made the mistake of including the Amazon knockoff as a reference because the ears are far skinnier. I used the knockoff ears as a guide for my first attempt and finished two ears before realizing they were too narrow. Therefore I cut the knot and frogged my way back to a ball of yarn. Three attempts later I determined the correct ear width. Yes, four attempts. At times this project felt cursed!

I decided to rib knit the ears for two reasons, it was accurate to the original and I would not have to double layer the ears because the tension of the knit would help the ears to lay flat instead of rolling and losing the bunny ear effect. I wanted the ears to have a lightness to them so that they would move with me and even blow in the wind behind me like Lee Know. I have wanted to be a Leebit through this project, maybe that’s why this project was so chaotic.

The hat itself was a different story! This was the easiest process I’ve ever had with the hat and it by far took the least amount of time and fits me quite well. I made note of how wide the pattern was to be able to replicate this style of the hat again in future projects. Possibly another Loverboy hat.

Wrap Up

Overall I’m thrilled with how this turned out! It’s exactly what I was imagining and I am so happy when I wear it. Bunnies are a favorite animal of mine, especially lop-eared rabbits. I like the chaos of the ears and how they drape from the hat crown. I think I will get a lot of wear out of this. I’m looking forward to the cool weather to continue to style this into a look. Because of the reference, it also feels like a piece of merch from the band. I still regret not finding a way to see the Maniac world tour but it just wasn’t the time to go. The Oddinary comeback was my first experience and it remains a favorite for me.

If you have a crazy idea, go for it. You may just make something or make a memory that you will absolutely love. Now I’m going to try to make a mooncake for the first time. Until we meet again.

Lake Erie Bluffs – 2023

A memory captured on a recent visit to Lake Erie with my family. I’ve been here twice and the view was stunningly different each time. I could stare at that horizon forever.

The Details:

Slea Head, Dingle, County Kerry | 01

A memory from 2001, the drive around the ring of Kerry. This is a view, near Slea Head looking towards the An Fear Marbh (The Sleeping Giant/Dead Man) Island. A quick sketch made with chalk pastels. At the time, I didn’t understand the grandeur of what I was staring at when I was eight, but now the beauty of Ireland’s scenery lives rent-free in my mind.

The Details:

My First Buttondown Shirt

I’ve been sewing for three years as a full-time apprentice after being laid off. I’ve mentioned this before in #1 – Welcome and #3 – First Sewing Project and it’s been a quick learning curve from hand-sewing, paper patterns, pattern drafting, and machine sewing, but one skill has eluded me for three years. That is the working buttonhole with professional-looking buttonholes! Not my crappy buttonholes that look like an animal chewed a hole through the fabric and I hastily sewed some thread around it, no I’m talking about secure, there for the long haul, even button holes. Well-anchored and secure fasteners of fashion! Well, I figured it out thanks to YouTube and I am incredibly happy!

This shirt has a working placket of buttons and buttonholes, with a self-drafted shirt front and back panels, collar, and sleeves with a gusset for a more fitted sleeve shape. I finished the sleeves with a cuff for added pizazz. This shirt is made from buffalo plaid flannel from Mood Fabrics that sat in my fabric stash for 11 months waiting for the right project. At first, I bought it to make a two-piece pj set, which then was revised into matching pj pants for Kyle and me, and was further revised into pj pants for Kyle and a flannel shirt for me.

I love this print because it has Canadian Geese, Caribou, and Elk. Elk hold a special place in my heart because of where my husband is from, Caribou makes me think of the song Long Time Running by The Tragically Hip, the red plaid makes me think of my Canadian heritage, and Canadian Geese are my comfort animals.

I’m sure that sounds weird but I will elaborate. When I was 10, my mom had this amazing opportunity to go to Ireland through her work. Although it was only for 10 days, it really scared me because I had never been away from her that long. I was used to not seeing my dad for months, but my mom was always there for me. On the day her trip began, my grandparents took me mini-golfing and while we were there this little baby Canadian Goose, gosling I guess, followed me around through our entire game. It was my little buddy. I named it Popcorn. The owners of the course said they had never seen this happen before. If it hadn’t been a wild animal, I would have asked to adopt it.

Fast forward fifteen years later and I’m living in Savannah, Georgia. I moved closer to get to know my dad who lived in Savannah and I had a falling out with my mom in the process. My grandparents are now sick and I’m feeling lost. Each time I went to prayer meeting at Compassion Christian there was a flock of Canadian Geese in the parking lot. It was July and August, not prime migration time. It was odd, and I felt like they were there for me. A reminder that God was with me even when I was feeling lost and homesick.

Two years later, my grandpa passed away, the world was shut down and I felt lonely and lost in Meadville, unsure of how to feel home again. My grandma was now a widow and grieving, we didn’t know it yet but she was starting to move towards heaven, as she would in December of that year. I began to notice something each day at 4 pm, a lone goose or a flying V of Canadian Geese will fly directly over our house. Every day. This continues for a year. I even moved to a new place within that year and it still happened. When that goose or group of geese approached my house, I would hear the honk and I would run outside to watch it fly. In that moment I felt a feeling of comfort, like I could feel God’s presence with me so intensely. Just like a parent’s presence can make you feel safe, I felt that.

I’d say this is probably my favorite item in my wardrobe right now. Thank you, dear reader, for hanging out with me today. I hope you feel safe and loved today.

It’s Me, I’m the Problem

I want this post to be as real as possible. As I am currently tapping these keys into letters on this virtual page, I am uncertain if this will actually get posted. I don’t write enough and I think that is because I get too into my head. Perfectionism takes hold and I let the ideas flow out of my brain and into the atmosphere. I let myself talk my creative mind out of ideas that may be wonderful. I stumble and overthink. I’ve been thinking about what’s on my mind today for a couple months now, actually a couple years if I take stock. Okay, here it goes.

I’m bad at going to church, I’m not even sure if I like it or have ever liked it. Yikes. I said it. But I want to be different because I would like to have a community in my town and also keep a teachable spirit throughout my life.

Early on, church and school melded into one – private Christian education. That remained a constant throughout my time at college. Becoming an adult and reflecting on my time in church communities across various denominations has confused me more than it has filled me with an appetite to go. I feel shame for my feelings and I’m also concerned that if I called out the reasons in the circles that have left me feeling this way they would shut their ears until I “repented” and then they would still not hear me out.

Denominations I have attended or interacted with at school or in life:
Reformed Presbyterian
Christian Missionary Alliance
Nazerene
Catholic
Orthodox Reformed Presbyterian
Russian Orthodox
Greek Orthodox
Presbyterian USA
Seventh Day Adventist
Presbyterian split from USA
Evangelical Presbyterian
Non-Denominational
Presbyterian PCA
Baptist
Pentecostal
Methodist
Anglican
Lutheran
Mennonite
Amish

It’s quite the cross-section, spanning North America and Europe. Through these different church doctrinal cultures, I have been the weird kid with no siblings. The weird kid with a single mom. The weird kids with divorced parents. The weird kid who lives with her grandparents. The weird kid with no dad. The weird kid with catholic family members, whom my Reformed Presbyterian friends and family could not approve of. I’ve been the one who is uncomfortable by how Protestants self-righteously look down on Catholic and Orthodox friends. I’ve been the one who has felt out of place.

The girl who has been questioned, privately and publically about my faith because I like art and want to become a fashion designer. I have been questioned about my faith because I do not have children yet I am married. I have been questioned about my faith when I was the breadwinner of my relationship temporarily because my husband took an opportunity that temporarily had a pay cut. I’ve been questioned about my faith because of tattoos, ear piercings, fashion choices, and clip-in purple hair extensions. My salvation has been mocked because I sing hymns instead of psalms.

I’ve encountered churches that would not let me join or take communion unless my husband was first a member. I’ve encountered people who are self-righteous about their Pentecostal experiences. I’ve also attended churches where the pastor looks like an MTV cast member and preaches that your life will be full of wealth and privilege like him if you listen to him. I’ve heard sermons teach unbiblical things for the sake of social capital and popularity. I’ve encountered out-of-touch snobbery and generosity from humble people.

I’ve genuinely enjoyed four churches – the Spanish service in Paris at a very old church, Pastor Knapp’s preaching at First Presbyterian Church in an old stained glass stone church, SOMA in a random basement of building seated at tables instead of pews so that you could have a meal afterward (it was an inner city mission in my hometown), Compassion Christian with their rockband and folding chairs. My first thought after writing that is to realize that the “church” really doesn’t matter to me, it’s the people and their kindness. Their love for the Lord and his Word by which they are seeking to be Christ-like instead of being Christian – my favorite descriptor, not.

I have no idea what the point of sharing this is other than the fact that it is on my heart, and I feel led to talk about it because I don’t want to feel dread at the thought of joining a church, but I currently do. I don’t feel dread of stepping foot in a church or listening to a sermon and worshipping God. I’m not afraid to be identified with Christ or to share my testimony. But dang, the cliques, the judgment, and the bickering of the people in the church have really messed with my perception of the church. I’m not a snowflake for feeling that way, and I’m also not living in sin, I just know there is more I could be doing for the Kingdom of God if I joined a church that I will be missing out on if I can’t seem to get past this pothole in the road. It’s like a massive February pothole on a Pittsburgh road that might swallow your car hole if you hit it right.

I guess the point of this post is to bring community to the other ones like me who simply do not feel heard or welcome to voice the church hurt that they have. The ones who are struggling to separate who God is from these crazy humans running the operation called church. Can we help each other?

#35 – Toxic Girl Conversations

I was struck by a moment recently where I felt transported back to middle school, watching Mean Girls. The plastics stand in front of a mirror and one by one they list something they hate about their body until they get to the new girl, Cady, who freezes. She quickly says she has really bad breath in the morning and the plastics, satisfied, move on to a new topic. I used to feel like that girl in the girl world because I honestly didn’t enjoy standing around finding flaws in myself as a form of bonding.

I’d rather talk about something more fruitful, lighthearted, or productive than pick at myself and others’ flaws. However I have noticed throughout the years that some girl friendship dynamics get pulled into a negative space, and sometimes they simply move into the negative neighborhood permanently.

It’s awkward because how do you communicate that you love your friend but the friendship environment they create can be downright toxic?

How do you steer the conversation back to something positive when that person just wants to complain and whine without starting a fight that puts the friend on the defense?

I’ve been pondering this because there are so many amazing things about this friend I wish she would focus on instead of what’s going wrong or what she is choosing not to make better in her life. We have a myriad of things we could be discussing because we are both wonder-filled by the world and its beauty, cultures, cuisine, music, etc. We could discuss books and the many writing projects we both want to accomplish. We could be planning a craft project we could coordinate for our next hang out, one of the many we send each other that one day we will try. Can that day be today?

It always starts like a pebble, one bad day in the recap of the week, and then it finds negative pebble friends. By the next conversation, the cup is overflowing and the light is being blocked from view by the stack of stones growing before me. I wish I could figure out how to capture that pebble, put it in my pocket, and skip it far away.

Instead, I find myself sifting through the back forty of my mind looking for a flaw to add to the pile of complaints my friend is listing off. I feel so fake and vapid manufacturing a problem in my head just to bond because not having a complaint would be a toxic girl conversation faux pax.

And wouldn’t you know my friend is stunning? She is photogenic, tall, and has the proportions to pull off every item of clothing I wish I could. Her heart is even more stunning than the outside. She is talented and accomplishing so much more in her professional life than I ever could. That’s why these toxic conversations drive me to the edge because she is amazing just the way she is.

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑