Category: kindness in the culture

#55 – Where I’ve Been

On April 27, 2024, I was thrown a massive curve ball that set life in a bit of a tail spin that to be honest I’m not sure if I have still recovered from mentally. It was a lot!

In March I contacted my landlord to renew our lease for the next year, I like to do it two months ahead of the renewal date to make things go smoothly. In writing, she said yes, great. I thought, wonderful! Everything is settled for another year. At this point it was our third year living in the house and we were quite settled in, our landlord seemed pretty chill, and the house felt like home. I had set up a studio finally in one of the spare bedrooms, Kyle had a woodshop in the garage, everything was organized just right and the place gave me such a sense of normalcy where other rentals had not.

Shuffling the Deck

In April, my landlord had acted a little weird. She never followed up to sign a lease, which she is incredibly type A so I thought maybe she was busy? Then she asked if we wanted to buy the house, without any context if this was a serious request or a passing fancy. It was not the first time she asked, she did that in our first year and followed with she had no plans to sell. Odd, right? Well, on April 27 at 8pm she announced to me that she was not renewing our lease and we had three days to decide if we were buying the house from her at $210k USD or she was putting in on the market immediately, even though we had one more month on our lease.

We were flabbergasted to be honest. What? What! How did we get here? And who is this new pushy person trying to rip the rug out from under me? We took the three days to pray and consider if this was even possible, could we really afford that much? And why was the price so high for this small house, on a small yard that honestly needed some TLC after years of being used as a rental not a cared for home.

I think as humans we crave security, steadiness. The day before I felt incredibly steady. We had a place to live that was safe, with running water, heat, electricity, privacy. It wasn’t ours but as a steady tennant that paid rent and took care of it, I really didn’t see why they would want to lose that? I was clearly playing checkers when she was playing chess.

We decided to move forward with buying it in hopes that if we walked forward in faith that God would provide. Either the door would continue to close or it would slam shut. But another door would open. It may not be what I wanted but it would be according to His plan and He would provide an alternative. I clung to that as my stomach filled with butterflies that never really left. All month long.

Fact Check

That Monday I began the intimidating and confusing process of applying for a mortgage, and after what happened with taxes this year that became a little tricky. Those new tax penatlies for not filing quarterly had took a bite out of the downpayment we had been saving for and it was looking grim. I think those pre-approval forms are grim and confusing even if you are planning to do this, it’s just endless numbers, questions, terms, word vomit of legalese and bank jargon. With my head spinning as Rocket Mortgage said nada, my friend suggested I check out my bank and this is where things began turning around!

Irony of irony, I was matched with mortgage officer who grew up in the town the rental was in and he was friendly, knowledgeable and began to kick the tires on these unexpected shenanigans from the landlord. I learned it was going to be tight but possible if we wanted to buy it but that $210k was a ridiculous amount for what the house was and I was recommended by the bank to proceed with caution because on their end the math was not mathing on that price.

Things got a bit more interesting when the landlord began laying out the terms of how this was going to go. It began with stating that we were not using a realtor but a settlement company she knew with a number that didn’t work when I tried to call them. Next there was the timeline. She wanted me to write up a sellers agreement, until I began requesting an inspection and contingencies in case the value wasn’t as high as she insisted it was. She was giving us a deal you know, at $210k USD. It was a steal! She could get way more if she wasn’t doing this favor out of the kindness of her heart!

There was also the interesting niggle of the hand money, a concept I learned about this process which is where the buyer gives 1% of the list price to be held by the real estate company until closing. After the sale is final, the seller receives the money but not before. The landlord insisted that I give her a check for $5k USD to hold the house made out to her. Um, sketchy. Very sketchy. I told her several times that I couldn’t make contact with the settlement company and she wouldn’t give me the accurate contact info. Oh so sketchy.

But that’s not the end of the suspcious behavior. When I inquired what would happen if closing took longer than the lease, she promised she would never kick me and my husband out, we would just pay rent until the closing, pro-rated of course. This is where things changed though. I raised concerns over not being able to make contact with the settlement company, along with things about the house I knew were broken that the landlord had dodged fixing over the years. With her permission I had an inspection done, which she was quite disgruntled about when he found $40k plus of things that needed to be fixed that were now on the record. She began to get aggressive with me. I raised the need for things to be put in writing because under Pennsylvania law landlords are required to give a tenant 60 days written notice to figure everything out before a landlord can sell or remove a tenant. This enraged her, and she told me I was lying and her lease was above the law.

An hour later she showed up at the house and threw documents at our door which were quite interesting. There were some things that are not up to code in the house that she had acknowledged in the past and yet she seemed to get a very sudden case of amnesia. She gave us a “sellers agreement” that was just a disclosure saying that there was nothing wrong with the house, specifically lying about things she knew were broken. She signed and dated it. Next was a piece of paper saying that we were buying the house and were paying them rent for June until we closed on the 30th. This was also signed and dated.

We were told in an attached note to sign, date, and write a check that either she could hand deliver to the settlement or we could drop them off to the company (that I couldn’t make contact with) telling me of course she would get me the number. By this point, it was beginning to feel like harassment. From April 27 to this point it had been fortnight of her calling me and texting me almost daily with nagging about getting this settled as quick as possible or else. It was incredibly unprofessional and rude. I felt like a child instead of being respected as an adult with responsibilities and work I had to do. This lady’s only job is landlording and she had all day to contact me which was really frustrating because everything in my life was beginning to revolve around her wants and demands so that she could move to Florida, asap with a big chunk of my change in her pocket.

Door Shutting

Thankfully, I began to learn more about this situation from friends who are professionals in the real estate business and people in the community. I learned this house she bought with cash in 2010 for $105k that she flipped into a rental. Her number was $210k because she wanted to double her money plus a little extra from her $5k finder’s fee. There was no mortgage so all rent was icing on the cake. In the three years we rented from her, where she raised the rent, plus the hefty security deposit, she made $36,400 off us alone. This is where I could clearly see what made her tick. Greed. Because we could have easily done a rent to own, or figured this out in January, but the element of surprise was going to make her more money like a shakedown.

At this point it was pretty clear that any negotiation or talk was useless. This was a fools errand that I wanted no part of. Thankfully there was a new door opening a very exciting new door. But one part of it still remained, how would we transition from this place to our new home without drama? This ate me up for weeks. I am quite scared of confrontation and pushy people. My dad is a narcissist and uses the same tactics. Each conversation with her felt like it ripping up old wounds causing me emotional distress. My appetite was gone and restful sleep drifting beyond my reach.

But as all foolish people do, give them enough time and they will self destruct. That she did. On May 22, we received some very expensive mail. Mail from a lawyer on her behalf pressuring us to buy the house immediately, to pay her rent for June, and to send her the hand money. If not we had to get out on May 31. Even though the lease said we could continue paying her rent until we figured something out. She sent us four copies of that letter with postage at $8 USD a pop, I’d assume his hourly fee is quite steep as well. It was petty and it made us feel incredibly defeated. How were we going to do this when our new home would be settled in June? Do I need a lawyer? I knew she had no real power here because of PA tenant laws but this was beyond what I was comfortable with.

Sometimes the cost of standing your ground is too much for the mental toll it will take. I had stood my ground with my dad, and other narcists but this time there was too much at stake for someone who is who she is. Nothing was going to change her mind, it would only get worse. It makes me sad when peacemaking is not possible. I really think we could have had a different outcome here and brought this chapter to a close with mutual respect in place. I truly thought she was a nice person for most of our time renting. It was shocking to see how it all changed overnight.

Was she seriously going to make us move everything into a storage unit for a few days instead of working with us? The answer was yes. So we moved it all with the help of family and the provision of God we got it all done before May 31. I’m not even sure how we got it all done!

Now as I write this I am still waiting for my new house to close, but I sit here in the safety of family who generously gave us a place to crash until we can move in. I don’t know where I would be without people who love me and I hope that I will have the chance to pay it forward in the future.

Love Makes the World Go Round

What can I take away from this wild month? Well I’d say it has proved to me things I already knew were true. Money is the root of all evil. Foolish behavior and greed are good friends. Impatience and haste get us no where. Wisdom and love are worth more than money. Community is what makes life rich. God never drops us, His faithfulness prevails over the plans of man. Family and friendship are priceless. The United States house crisis is real and without God’s provision this story would have a different ending, which has made my commitment to donating to Light of Life even stronger in my mind because no one should fall through the cracks in the system because of someone else’s greed.

I’m sorry this was a bit of a long winded one, it was a long, chaotic story that I have been wanting to talk about since it started but didn’t feel comfortable until l was out of there. I hope wherever you are you know that you are loved, worthy, and have more value than all the gold in the world. ❤

Finding Peace in Tax Season

In the United States, April 15th is our tax deadline. This is a date for me that has a lot of uncertainty. For most of my adult working life I have been a contractor which means your taxes are not taken out by your employer but instead you are responsible for setting aside the money in your savings that is paid out in a lump sum at the tax deadline. Now even though my job has changed, my husband and I are still navigating this setup and it has given us some uncertainty about how things are going to work moving forward in life, like how one saves for a down payment for a house when we aren’t sure how much we will be paying in taxes at the end of year, because our tax rates and tax laws seem to be shifting. It did this year for sure!

We were unaware that the laws had changed for all contractors, not just content creators, etc that you have to pay quarterly. I’m not sure how we were supposed to know to be honest because no information was shared although they advertise the tax deadline and tax services heavily from December to the deadline the next year. It’s been a stinging mistake because we learned there was a hefty penalty and a brand new tax rate that we were placed into, that we will not soon forget.

I think as humans, those big structures looming over us, like the government, cause a lot of anxiety in us because we want to believe that the social contract of Rousseau is what we are getting, but sometimes in those confusing moments like new laws and penalties without proper communication about it, it feels worrying. It took a lot of maturity and prayer this weekend to just accept that my frustration at myself and the lack of transparency was out of my control and that was okay. Like letting sand fall from my hands. As we paid our taxes for 2023 and then also unexpectedly had to pay for 2024’s first quarter, I had to accept that the money that felt like security was no longer mine, it was Caesar’s, and that’s the only answer.

And they sent to him some of the Pharisees and some of the Herodians, to trap him in his talk. And they came and said to him, “Teacher, we know that you are true and do not care about anyone’s opinion. For you are not swayed by appearances, but truly teach the way of God. Is it lawful to pay taxes to Caesar, or not? Should we pay them, or should we not?” But, knowing their hypocrisy, he said to them, “Why put me to the test? Bring me a denarius and let me look at it.” And they brought one. And he said to them, “Whose likeness and inscription is this?” They said to him, “Caesar’s.” Jesus said to them, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” And they marveled at him.

Mark 12:13-17 ESV

The timing sucked and the surprise of paying both 2023 and the first quarter of 2024 in this economy felt like a bit of a free fall. I mean in life, I don’t love surprises. The good ones for sure are fun but those bad surprises can hang over us like a cloud and that’s what I didn’t want to have hanging over me. My husband’s birthday is coming up, and there are charities we support that I don’t want to let down. I’d like to continue dreaming about future plans, have extra money to be generous if someone needs help, or just not be worried about finances. To have that feeling of serenity in the changing sea of life.

Two promises repeated in my mind as we made our payments that helped me regain my peace, which honestly made no sense aside from God and his peace that surpasses all understanding.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

Romans 8:28 NLT

 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?

Matthew 6:26-30 NIV

I started thinking about the jokes people made on the day of the eclipse about going back to 2017, and where I was in 2017 with less than 100 USD to my name and no stable living situation, looking for a job as a new college grad and newlywed. It felt like my life was spiraling but then a year later I was stable with a job and a new life in Savannah. I think back to April 2020, newly laid off and with my husband’s employer looking at a complete NHL shutdown, none of it made sense, we just got back to normal and a savings, were we going back to square one three years later? And now in April 2024, I felt those same fears bubbling up.

Were we going back to that scary place? Was the rug pulled out from under me? How was God going to work this all for good? It’s funny to me now that this is the perspective I chose to focus on instead of thinking about how quickly God turns things around. In 2017, I went from rock bottom to a stable job and was ready for a big move in less than a year. In 2020, less than a year later, we were in a better situation than we left. If a big change happens, I need to remember to leave room for God to work instead of shutting down in fear and worry.

I find it to be no coincidence that I read a commentary days before that discussed the promise God makes in Romans 8:28. He works everything together for good, but He doesn’t promise it will make sense at the time, that’s where faith and leaning on His promises come in. We either choose to trust or we don’t, just like how we face trust issues with human relationships, we either trust people or we don’t. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s honest.

As the dust settled and we processed the tax situation, I realized that although the way things happened didn’t make sense as it was happening, it was going to transform our future for the good. I will never again have to dread that lump sum at the end of the year. With quarterly taxes, it’s manageable chunks, which will help us figure out a down payment for a house and what I experienced this time will never happen again. This was it and now I’m free. I also remembered that after these big financial “losses” happen God does something amazing with the smaller amount in ways that only He can. It’s happened over and over in these years since 2017.

Giving to Caesar what is Caesar’s and God what is God’s is also an important part of this process. Giving back what God has given us to serve His kingdom according to what Jesus says in Matthew 25 and remembering His promise in Matthew 6 is how we plan for the future, on His promises. Being greedy and being unwilling to share my blessings with others is a one-way street to unhappiness. So how will this all play out? I don’t know yet but I do know it helped me find peace in this moment of uncertainty and being released from the dread of tax season is the answer to my prayers even though the process wasn’t how I would have chosen it to be, it will be okay.

 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,  I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?  When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Matthew 25:35-40 NIV

I hope that by sharing this story, of my worries and my journey to peace that I will encourage you, reader in whatever you are facing right now. Life is such a rollercoaster and it is tricky in the tough days to remember it will get better. There will be brighter days. Financial stress is a tough adversary and I am still working through how to keep calm when it feels overwhelming.

Just remember you got this! 💪  Or in K-Pop speak, fighting!

A Cup of Wisdom Warms the Heart

“Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence. The fear of the LORD is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor.”

Proverbs 15:32-33 ESV

Doesn’t that sound like something Uncle Iroh would tell Prince Zuko in their quest to catch the Avatar? That’s what I thought of when I read it. A lot of my reading through Proverbs so far has similarly struck me. I will be reading a chapter, line after line of little tidbits of wisdom in the style of literature Solomon seemed to favor, that at times feels sing-songy like a bit of Shakespeare, and then “BAM!” I’m caught in my tracks by the profoundness of what the line of poetry just said. In those moments, I think of Uncle Iroh. I think anyone who is a fan of Avatar the Last Airbender, wishes they had an Uncle Iroh in their life because people like Uncle Iroh seem few and far between.

I think that’s why the loss of my grandparents feels like such a hole in my life, a vacuum of wisdom. I love my mom but it isn’t the same kind of relationship, there isn’t that well of wisdom that flows into our conversations because there is a different approach to life she follows. It’s a well-developed, rich, sort of wisdom that can only come with hard work and deep study of wisdom itself. They had that and they shared it willingly, sometimes to my chagrin as like young Zuko, I didn’t want to hear it.

And like Zuko of season two learns, the echo chamber of losing the voice of reason in your life is way more frustrating than hearing hard truths that mirror your own folly. It is irreplaceable. I miss their wisdom. I miss the surrounding of elders and wise people who seemed to be around me in childhood but seem harder to find with age. I think there is a passing of the torch so to speak whereby aging you are supposed to grow, change, and dwell with the wisdom of life to pass on to others and that transition can sometimes feel like you are treading water.

“If you look for the light you can often find it. If you look for the dark it is all you will ever see.”

Uncle Iroh

Growing older is odd. I never thought I would miss reproof and instruction but I do.

In the spirit of both the verses from Proverbs and the quote from Avatar the Last Airbender, the only way to fix this void is to look deeper and further to continue to seek out good influences in my life, and ways to be challenged to never settle who and where I am now, but to push further to find the well of wisdom and in turn be a well of wisdom to others.

Where do you go to find wisdom? Is it a person? A belief system? A text? Have you continued to seek after it, even crave it as you have gotten older? Have you been able to be an Uncle Iroh to someone in your life?

#49 – Deactivating Facebook

In 2011, my senior year of high school, one of my close friends opted to not come back to our school for his final year and instead chose to do cyber school which meant, because of how much time he already spent working and playing a little game called war of warcraft, I was going to lose contact with him. Now, at the time, I had known this friend since we were toddlers, through church and later on school, it seemed too important to let that friendship fade into nothingness just because of change of life. I knew there was one modern way to stay connected, a way I dreaded and had put off as long as possible – Facebook. And so in 2011, I bit the bullet and got one.

I instantly regretted my decision.

All of a sudden my feed was filled with information overload in the way only social media can with details that honestly make you feel a bit insecure, like realizing, I knew I was a bit of an outsider at school but oh my, a lot of parties and social events were happening that weren’t on my radar that were now showcased page after page. Suddenly, the peace and tranquility of my quiet introverted life, one connected to people outside classmates, was gone. Poof. I felt a comparison. I felt lacking. I felt lame. A person missing the plot that everyone else got. Who were these people I thought I knew?

Was I doing this all wrong? Should I have more friends? The friend count, the status symbol of ye olde Facebook, some of my fellow friends had 1000s of friends and I was struggling to think of 100 people I knew well enough to add. The profile picture, the clever status updates, the albums upon albums of photos of normal days and things. What was this weird and aspirational world? And where did my feeling of contentment go? In an instant, it left me like a hat on a windy day.

I look back on this feeling and wish I had rolled the dice on keeping in touch through email or text because that friendship didn’t last once we entered college and went our separate ways, but those feelings of insecurity and comparison, they took root. Not just me, but I think all of us are waking up to this and how social media is stealing our joy and our world from what it can be.

After all, we know now that Facebook is a terrible way to keep friendships going, except we didn’t know that yet. I mean I think everyone over the age of 60 at the time knew it was not a replacement for having a social life, but we like intrepid explorers too cocky to listen to the warning that the river was going to turn into a waterfall went tally-ho onward into the mist and went over the waterfall. And now with our broken bits of boat and sputtering of water in our lungs, we see our friends float by us in the river and yet just like the metaphor, we are unable to link arms because the current of the algorithm is taking us where it wants to. Unhappy and alone, we arrived in 2024 and it was time for me to climb ashore.

I was watching the first season of the Great British Bake Off with Mary Berry, Paul Hollywood, Sue Perkins, and Mel Giedroyc, circa 2010 and I felt this overwhelming yearning to go back, back to 2010. Like this scene in Joe Wright’s Pride and Prejudice where Elizabeth sees Mr. Darcy appear in the fading mist of dawn.

I thought about this, why did I feel such a strong pull toward this time? I don’t particularly love the fashion of this period nor was it the most exciting time of my life, it was high school for goodness sake with the season of SATs and college applications. But it was strung together with moments of deep authenticity, real connections, and life spent living in real life instead of online. I spent my days with real people, not a screen with someone behind the screen talking to me. It was real and my world, with my people. I wasn’t worrying about FOMO or what other people were doing, I didn’t consider what other people were doing if I wasn’t there or how I should be spending my time compared to what other people were doing. I was just living. It was before social media had its claws into me and the world.

I remember the world being less performative, less homogenous, and more authentic. If someone was cool it was usually because they were doing their own thing and owning it. If someone was pursuing a hobby or a career it was because they had a passion for it, not for social media clout or to be like everyone else. Phones were for texts and phone calls, sometimes photos. At social events, particularly family events and meals, they stayed in your pocket.

If you were using your phone you were actively talking to someone. People knew things and retained information because Google wasn’t at the ready. You had to discuss and determine things through research, using a book or a computer. Photos existed in physical albums, in frames, on fridges, and in wallets. Body dysmorphia existed, but was less of a constant because in person you can’t Photoshop and filter, you have to accept who you are enough to be in person. Trips were shared through home movies, photos, and stories around a table with food and drink.

At that moment, I realized I was done. Done with pretending I like this fake world of connection. I separated my Instagram from my Facebook so that I could continue sharing photos to my Instagram sewing portfolio account, because that is for exposure not connecting, and deactivated my Facebook. I kept Messenger so that three specific people could still reach me and I hit that deactivate button. And I have to say, it felt like a fake haze lifted from my world. That chapter was done and I feel a peace washing over me again.

If it was as easy as leaving one social media platform, what other little swaps could I do to find those things that made the world feel so real and connected before the social media age? That is my next quest. Onward into normal, human connections!

The Call to Create: Fred Rogers

There is a devotional currently on the Bible app called Mr. Rogers and the Call to Create and it is incredible. It walks the reader through the calling that led Fred Rogers from the desire to become a pastor to a fascination for the potential of what television could become as a way to communicate and connect with others. It was this idea that led him on the path toward a one-of-a-kind ministry opportunity to serve his community with uplifting messages for whatever they were walking through.

Mister Roger’s Neighborhood

As a kid growing up in the United States in the late 1990s and early 2000s, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood was an after-school staple. I knew it was popular in my region, the Greater Pittsburgh Area, but it took me a while to realize how big its reach was. It was not just for my area but for all! Fred Rogers was from Latrobe, PA, and filmed the show in Pittsburgh which is why I thought it was regional. But his neighborhood had a tremendous reach, running from 1968-2001. It has the hallmark of a true calling and was an incredible ministry filling a void in our culture – community. Which in 2024, feels like exactly what we need.

Through his show, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, and the themes his show explored he was able to talk to kids earnestly, encouraging them to feel their big feelings, and demonstrated examples of kindness and gentleness in a world that is not gentle or kind. It was about being a good neighbor for all. Compared to other kid shows of its time, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood considered the bigger picture of childhood. It’s not just about learning how to read and do math, there is also room for play, imagination, and emotional intelligence. (Again, it seems ahead of its time and just what we all need right now!)

I understand now as an adult why this show meant so much to me, it was a safe space to not be okay when big emotions hit me, like the confusing and sporadic visits of my Dad and buried traumatic memories from their messy divorce that my kid brain couldn’t process yet. It also gave me a sense of belonging, like there was this little world of coziness, I guess it was like my first comfort show.

I watched a clip of the show recently and was filled with a craving for that safe space of childhood, the comfort and warmth of watching the show in the family room at my grandparent’s house, probably with Papa and Grandma around, and soaking up the imagination and wonder of the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. What an amazing world Fred created!

Pulpit or Programming

A particularly big choice Fred Rogers had to make was whether to pursue ministry as a pastor or follow the calling he felt into the unknown of television. He went to seminary and carried forth into television, taking an unorthodox path.

I found this inspiring to learn because life is full of twists, but as I look back on my life so far and think of the lives of others I know, the path forward to where God was ultimately leading them didn’t make a lot of sense at the moment.

There have been many times since graduating from high school that have made me question what all this is for? In the closed doors and detours, is it just the strife and confusion of the fallen world at work? Am I born to fail? These are honest thoughts.

As I dive deeper into my faith and relationship with God, I can sum it up to being moments that create a bigger picture. A broken piece of pottery for a mosaic, that doesn’t make sense from my up close and personal perspective, from God’s higher perspective and plan, it all fits together into one vision. He equips the called, instead of calling the equipped.

Many had criticisms of Fred Rogers’ decision to focus his ministry through Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood and to minister to children instead of establishing a ministry in a church pulpit for adults, but as Jesus gave his attention to the children in Mark 10, Fred Rogers did the same, because they matter as much as adults even though sometimes we can forget that in our world.

Fred Rogers earnestly sought to see the world through God’s eyes instead of the lens of what the world says, and I think that is what made his show and his life so impactful. He was compassionate, empathetic, gentle, wise, kind, and loving. If we aren’t fortunate enough to have this example in our lives as a child, from the examples of our family members, which is pretty common, Fred Rodgers’ ministry filled the gaps.

He encouraged imagination and wonder, things that the dark parts of life try to steal from us.

Key Messages

I don’t want to spoil too much of this devotional in case you decide to give it a read-through, but here are some of the key messages from the Bible study that have impacted me to my core as a fellow creative person pursuing fashion, which is not a place where Christian faith intersects. At least, I haven’t run across an example yet.

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Romans 12:1-2 ESV

“So, whatever you eat or you drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,”

Colossians 3:23 ESV

Ministry is not cut and dry. It is not just a church sermon or an act of service, it is a lifestyle, and as a believer, we must strive to become more Christ-like every day, which is what ministry is at its heart. Ministry and calling apply to everything, even things that don’t seem inherently “Christian” like television or fashion. God can work through all things. He weaves it all together in His way, and this devotional truly opened my eyes to things I hadn’t thought of before.

What I Learned

In 2022, I began to consider opening a store and I decided to study my customer base which led me down a rabbit hole of understanding youth culture, and in doing so my mind has been opened to all the ways the younger generation is lonely, seeking purpose and meaning, and is feeling the weight of the stressful world we live in. It made my heart break for how our culture lacks hope and community. I don’t want people to be suffering alone.

In looking for my customer, I think I found my focus for how I want to apply the lessons of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood to my life and my corner of the world. I don’t want anyone to feel alone, lost, or question their worth. I’m not sure how to accomplish this yet, but I realized the important thing is to let God be in the driver’s seat of my life first and then the rest will reveal itself in time.

Final Thoughts

If you enjoyed Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood as a kid and want to know more about the behind-the-scenes of his life and how Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood came about I’d highly recommend checking out the study linked above. There’s no requirement to share my faith to check it out, it’s just a piece of writing that is really good. Thank you, dear reader, for taking time with me today. I hope wherever you are you know that you are loved. Until next time.

#47 – Goodbye February

This month has straight up stunk. It was a pinball of coming off those allergic reactions I mentioned in #45 – Allergy and Winter Winds, coming down with a cold or a cold, getting better, having an allergic reaction to my eyeshadow, getting another cold, discovering my body wash and loofah combo was giving me irritation, in the form of friction hives, and having to stop drinking camomille to get the hives to go away. I was stuck in this loop of discouragement and I definitely let it live in my mind leading to worry and feeling stuck, basically, like this gif when Kim and Ron switch bodies because of Drakken’s body-switching machine. It was one flip to another flop, nothing progressing, just stuck.

That is life, it kicks our butts, leaves us discouraged, and some days feel like a bunch of little things going wrong are going to give us death by a thousand paper cuts. But honestly, that’s part of the journey of existence. Life does not give us any guarantees that each day is going to be sunshine and rainbows, some days are like a tsunami, and other days are like tripping, repeatedly. I’m thankful that it was only a bunch of small little things breaking my focus, instead of one of those big things that shake us to our core. As a highly sensitive person, I can let the little things swirl around in my head until they are big, shakeable problems that tower over me. These little setbacks taught me something pretty important, I need people in my life. I crave it more than my introverted nature is willing to admit.

On those days, when I felt frustrated and down, lost in the worry of my own head, the thing that pulled me back to the light were people. They helped me remember that I wasn’t alone, but instead that I am loved and needed by others in return. There is purpose and worth in the person I am in being there for others in my life.

It was the small things, Kyle taking care of me when I was feeling really crumby, like asking if I had taken medicine or refilling my water bottle before I realized it was empty. Him doing the dishes, cooking dinner, and making me tea in the morning as I was super slow pulling myself out of bed. Those are huge when you are feeling sick and he is so patient with me. Or my neighbor, who texted me one morning because our Amazon packages got mixed up, remembering she is next door and always there if I need a friend. A phone conversation with a friend, talking about anything or nothing, but the connection of catching up after a while and spending time in that bubble together is such a refreshing reset. Having one of those low-maintenance friendships where she texts me out of the blue and we spend time catching up writing digital letters to each other until the conversation fades, knowing we’ll pick it back up later on. Admitting to my mom that I was scared because she was having complications from her surgery this past summer, saying the fear aloud and facing that I didn’t want anything bad to happen to her. A quick chat with my stepdad, talking nonsense but having a blast doing it. My brother-in-law video calling me out of the blue to catch up as we both cook dinner.

Those little moments of community, pull me out of the funk I was in faster than I realized. We really need people. This modern life is lonely. If nothing else, from this month, I learned how dissatisfied I am with the digital barriers there are to the community and how I don’t want to settle anymore. Because people matter and we need them even if we get peopled out easily. Goodbye, February, my relentless gremlin and ironically, the frank teacher I needed.

Haiku & Breakfast Valentines

When my husband and I first met, I claimed I hated Valentine’s Day and to be honest, I think it was more annoyance at the emptiness of this day. Valentine’s Day as a commercial commodity sucks. The heart-shaped everything, the push to have the perfect romantic moment, the jewelry ads, the lace, and beyond, it’s a lot. It seems fake.

As a teenager and into college, I was hoping for that perfect K-drama boyfriend to sweep me off my feet. A Mr. Darcy moment with all the intensity of a look or a hand flex. I liked being single until this day, like everyone else, and let societal traditions determine my worth on this day. Which honestly was quite dumb because I had better examples than this.

Card on My Plate

As a kid, living with my grandparents, I knew every Valentine’s Day morning Papa would wake up before us all and put cards on each of our breakfast plates – one for Grandma, one for my Mom, and one for me. This was important for me to see, I realize now, with my Dad out of the picture, it was wonderful to see how pure this expression of love was. He wanted all of us to feel loved and appreciated, and no one left out. Because his actions were driven by affection, each one of us was special to him in different ways, and by including all of us it made the day about love, in the fullest sense.

The tradition continued even after we moved out on our own, and eventually, as our extended family grew to become a whole family tradition where Grandma and Papa put together little gift bags for every person – all 18 of us! These little heartfoil bags had homemade cookies, homemade fudge, chocolate-covered pretzels, etc. It was adorable, even as a moody teenager, this little goody bag brought me a smile. It reminded me that even though I felt like a weirdo on Feb 14 for not having a boyfriend, as soon as I stepped foot in their house, it didn’t matter. That wasn’t the point of this day. I was loved, just as I was, and was special.

Handmade Cards & Poetry

Elizabeth was wrong and Darcy was right, poetry is the food love. Especially if its origins are authentic and well-founded. Like my new tradition with my husband, a handmade card, and a bit of poetry. Now, I requested a handmade card when he asked me last year what I wanted for Valentine’s Day because he is an excellent handmade card maker. He has an intricate eye for stamping and paper crafting. What I didn’t expect but was pleasantly surprised by was his poem.

My husband doesn’t like to write poetry, I do. He has claimed he doesn’t understand it but he does, because he has a wonderful appreciation for song lyrics which to be honest are just another form of poetry.

Darcy: “I have been used to consider poetry as the food of love,”
Elizabeth: “Of a fine, stout, healthy love it may. Everything nourishes what is strong already. But if it be only a slight, thin sort of inclination, I am convinced that one good sonnet will starve it entirely away.”

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

So when he surprised me last year with an original poem in my card, it gave me butterflies because it was a brilliant series of verses, tailored to our inside jokes. Of course, I asked for a sequel this year! And did he deliver! For my birthday, he dipped his toes in with an original haiku inspired by a tradition to close episodes of a certain show we adore – James May: Our Man in Japan.

The haiku was incredible in my opinion, it perfectly captured the essence of a moment which I believe is what haiku is about. I’m not talented with haikus, the syllable work has never meshed with my creative process, but my husband’s eye for detail shined in this form. Inside this year’s handmade gem of a card were four haikus! He truly outdid himself and in such a heartwarming way this new tradition reminds me of those delightful little valentines we used to exchange in elementary school.

Be a Valentine of Four Loves

According to C.S. Lewis in his book The Four Loves, there are four distinct types of love to express – Storge, Philia, Eros, and Agape.

  • Storge is an empathy bond that originates from affection. The natural love, like between a parent and child.
  • Philia is the friend bond, it is a strong bond built on shared interests. This is the type of love expressed in friendship and between siblings.
  • Eros is romantic love, the sense of being in love compared to just being about sexual attraction and desire.
  • Agape is the expression of unconditional “God” love, also known as charity. It is a love that is steadfast and exists regardless of changing circumstances. It is selfless love.

When I first studied these in college, these four terms were not what I quite expected but they changed the way I see relationships, maturely and more healthily. Actually, learning about Philia helped me realize a crush I was stuck on wasn’t my love, he wasn’t even my friend, he was nothing. But a certain new guy, a new friend (my future husband) I already had philia with after a few months and eros was brewing.

What is my point in sharing this? Well, this day about love is quite narrow-minded in our culture, and my whole life I think the wiser people in my life have been trying to show me this. Now in my romantic relationship, I’m getting the opportunity to express many versions of the four loves. Ironic isn’t it?

This day of love should be more than just a day focused on eros, it has the foundation to build upon to be a day about extending agape love to others. What if this day was not about commercialism but supplying needs, filling the void of loneliness with random acts of kindness, and to the best of our ability expressing unconditional love to our friends and family? This could become a new favorite holiday for many of us!

Empty Cup of Humanity

It’s January, mid-winter. It’s the NHL mid-season, a time when we look to the championship season, it’s all the internet can talk about. The Stanley insulated cup in hot pink and red versions. THE Stanley cup.

Stanley Has Arrived

What is the Stanley Cup? The oldest championship trophy that is currently awarded in North America. Dating back to 1892, it was commissioned by Lord Stanley of Preston, the Governor General of Canada at the time. It is the symbol of victory in the NHL. (The Hockey Writers 2023) The ultimate goal of players and franchises alike. It is the most coveted Stanley Cup, right? Not even close.

Enter 2023, the year the Stanley insulated cup with straw, handle, and lid, retailing for USD 45 each became THE cup of choice. These two cups may be shiny, metal, and iconic holders of liquid but only one has sent a wave of chaos in 2024. Specifically the Target x Stanley Cup Valentine’s Day Tumbler and the Starbucks x Stanley Winter Wonderland Tumbler. These two limited drops have made me question, truly, how empty the cup of humanity is. And how do we refill this empty cup with improved priorities? 

A disclaimer, I’m not judging people’s interests. I have wanted an old-school Stanley thermos for years. It’s a cool technology and built to last. These cups are pretty cool. The handle looks sturdy, and it’s easy to drink from too. The colors are cute, even the ones featured in these winter drops. What I am unimpressed with is the scarcity of marketing tactics for these limited drops, the dark side of a highly individualistic culture that rears its ugly head in these situations, and the out-of-control reseller market. What was concerning about this release was the character exhibited by a few which echoed louder than the positives. 

The Drop into Nonsense

On December 31 the Valentine’s Day cups were released at Target to customers camping out, harassing Target employees, and caught on camera running others down, shoving, and fighting over cups to get a piece of the merchandise. Similarly, the Starbucks release (in Target) on January 3 had extra spice on top. Thanks to the modern age of TikTok and filming in public, a Starbucks drop in San Bernadino showed how far people will go to get their hands on these exclusive water carriers. First, there was fighting in the line, next a man jumped over the Starbucks counter, working in tandem with his sister, they attempted to grab merchandise and dash. The man shoved the barista out of the way and grabbed a box of cups while his sister tried to grab cups already purchased by customers and ran for the doors. Luckily, they were not the best burglars because the man was tackled by others in line before he reached the door. His sister was only able to rip the Starbucks paper bag. The most amusing part of the video was that they left and came back because the man left his phone, and left again as the police were on their way. These clips I saw by the way through Kiki Chanel’s Youtube channel, she put together a great video about the subject that put this on my radar. (Kiki Chanel 2024)

In her video, she also shared clips of these limited-edition Stanley cups being listed by resellers online with a ludicrous. (Side note, I realized I don’t know how to properly spell ludicrous without looking it up – my brain defaults to Ludacris.) There were also clips she found on TikTok of people purchasing a substantial number of these cups, with reselling appearing to be the intent. After I saw the markup these cups have on the resale market it became clear why, in this economy, holy moly it is quite the profit! These USD 45 Stanley cups are being resold online for between USD 90-230. That’s an insane return if you can move them. And this is where I believe we can reclaim our empty cup of humanity. 

Social Clout 

I understand the economy is rough, inflation is happening and everyone could use extra income but this is silly. It’s a reusable cup, and price gouging, hoarding, and stealing to resell to pay the bills? This is hardly Jean Valjean stealing a loaf of bread to feed his family. The Stanley tumbler is not a necessity, it is a status symbol for social clout. Its market value is also not permanent. As we know from the virality of TikTok, this will be replaced by a new thing before those who use these have time to even enjoy these cups. I’m more of a water bottle girl so I’m not participating in this trend, but a lot of people have. They are a symbol of social standing, but they don’t have to be. It’s not that deep. 

This morning on the radio, I heard a story that truly was a shame to hear but I know it’s true because I remember this happening when I was a kid. It’s human behavior. A girl received an off-brand tumbler for Christmas and took it to high school to use because she liked it. The girl was bullied for not having a Stanley Tumbler and her mom bought her a Stanley Tumbler to stop the bullying. (WayNation 2024) I know why her mom chose that as the solution, her mom gave her the off-brand tumbler for Christmas, and as moms do, she probably felt like the bullying was her fault. She wanted to fix it and I got it, my mom would do the same. What sucks about this whole situation is the barometer of the culture and the values prevailing by the bullies. 

Hypocrites We Are

Gen Z and Millenials are supposed to be environmentally conscious. If she was using a reusable cup, who cares? It’s hypocritical to bully her and then encourage overconsumption by prompting the parent to buy a new cup to stop the bullying. Brand names do not maketh the man or woman. Manners do, to quote Agent Galahad of the Kingsman (Vaughn 2014). Bullying will continue its bullying ways because the manners and moral convictions of the bullies were not addressed. That’s not the responsibility of the victim or the victim’s mom.

The Bailey Button Sweater Uggs, Miss Me jeans, the Sidekick, the iPod classic, Livestrong bracelets, the North Face jacket, Abercrombie’s Moose Logo, Rhinestone Affliction Tees, etc. These were some of the sought-after items of my high school experience that we coveted and felt less than for not having, but at the end of the day, it was just a thing. An item. None of those things matter now. Are Affliction or Miss Me even brands anymore? The point is people matter, and things pass away. Isaiah 51:6 NIV says, “Lift up your eyes to the heavens, look at the earth beneath; the heavens will vanish like smoke, the earth will wear out like a garment and its inhabitants die like flies. But my salvation will last forever, my righteousness will never fail.” God created us for more than this social construct.

We are giving material goods too much agency in our lives. Materialism and overconsumption are rotting our brains. We thought Black Friday madness died in 2020, but the terrifying reality is that it has risen from the ashes like a phoenix in the name of scarcity marketing. After the holiday rush and spending from November to Christmas, scarcity marketing created two Black Friday-type scenarios less than two weeks later. And it can happen again and again and again, if we let it. But we don’t have to buy in. We can choose to not let our worth be defined by our participation in trends and we can keep our greed from taking advantage of others who are lost in their greed and worship of trends, to preserve our humanity. 

Closing Thoughts

USD 45 can do a lot of good. It can feed members of our community at a food bank, it can provide toiletries and shelter to homeless missions, mosquito nets, provide education and reconciliation through prison ministries, help those who are rebuilding after natural disasters, and provide necessities and shelter to refugees of war. The possibilities are endless for what that money can do. I get caught up in consumerism too, I have gone through waves of shopping addiction and still struggle with retail therapy. The first step though, is acknowledging the problem and taking a step back to evaluate and reconsider. Not living solely for ourselves but for our communities and for me personally, living for my Savior has been instrumental in freeing me from the crushing weight of overconsumption and trend cycles. Because at the end of the day, it is an empty cup. 

References

The Hockey Writers. 2023. “Stanley Cup: Stats, History, News.” The Hockey Writers. https://thehockeywriters.com/docs/stanley-cup/.

Kiki Chanel, dir. 2024. Episode The Stanley Tumbler Craze is Out of Control, “Kiki Chanel.” Aired January 4, 2024.

Vaughn, Matthew, dir. 2014. Kingsman: The Secret Service.

WayNation. 2024. The Wally Show, radio program, daily morning show. Nashville, TN, USA: WayFM.

Truth in Love

Daily writing prompt
Tell us one thing you hope people say about you.
View all responses

That I told the truth, with respect and dignity toward others. That I told the hard truth in love with good motivation. I hope they could say that I was not swayed from the truth when outside pressures were vying for supremacy in my mind. And when I failed I didn’t hide from the truth of my failure to make it right, instead, I humbled myself for the sake of truth.

 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Philippians 4:4-8 NIV

The Proof of Your Love

Yesterday I was knitting and catching up on Youtube videos when my playlist took an interesting turn. I watched two videos back to back from different creators that touched on the same message, an important message that actually prompted me to think deeply about a TikTok video and its eventual dragging by the internet. Now, I am not a fan of TikTok or TikTok culture. I think that it is changing how we interact in some harmful ways, like encouraging main character syndrome and resurrecting toxic beauty standards, but I am learning to have an open mind because of something key I learned recently that broke my heart.

A lot of people my age and younger don’t feel like they have friends and people they can count on. There is a growing loneliness and a lack of community, even though we are theoretically more connected than ever. I know that I have felt seasons of loneliness crash over me since I became an adult, and there were years when I didn’t feel like I had any friends my own age. But I was never truly alone because I had a community around me and family, I realize now that I’m older and more mature that I was incredibly blessed to have them and that having family and community and friends is not a guarantee.

Even writing that feels unnatural to me, how is being alone the default now when there are 8 billion people on this planet? We are seriously doing something wrong if this is the reality some people are facing and I want to do something about it, but I’m learning that some people think this is a joke and that kills me.

Now, people my age and younger share a lot of their lives on social media, something that is received with mixed reviews from our parents and other people older than us. It is seen as odd, opening ourselves up to trouble, or self-centered which yes, there is a main character syndrome, but honestly is that what Karens do too? So it’s a human problem to do that, exacerbated by social media, but what I learned recently is that people are sharing so much because our friendships are declining or non-existent and the only human connection some of us are receiving at the moment is sharing with our social media friends, who most of the time are people that are more like acquaintances or could be total strangers to us. Our real-life friendships are dissipating into relationships of sending reels back and forth instead of having a conversation, why are we doing this? Because we all live too far away from each other, are too broke to visit each other and for the majority of people, work a 9-5 that is consuming our time and ability to keep up with relationships.

This is where TikTok comes in again, there is a video by a creator named brielleybelly123 that is making the rounds on the internet for her honest emotional breakdown because she is feeling overwhelmed by how lonely her life has become due to her 9-5. She is a recent college grad who is working a 9-5 job that requires hours of commuting. She is far from family, and friends, and the ability to get to know new people. She is community-less and the reality that this is her everyday worries her. This is an incredibly valid feeling to have, I mean who hasn’t been overwhelmed by changes in life? We all have those moments, I did going into high school, college, every new job, and after every move to a new city I’ve made. Actually, my current town is the first place in seven years since moving out of my mom’s house and I have a friend in my town. Like a legit girl friend that I can lean on in good and bad. In those seven years, I’ve also strengthened the long-distance friendships I have with friends from college and childhood, but if I hadn’t been able to keep those relationships going, I’m not certain if I would have any friends. Which is quite bleak to think about.

We are relational beings created to be in community, to be loved, and to love. This morning when I was listening to music, this truth hit me deeply as “The Proof of Your Love” by For King and Country filled my ears.

[Verse 1: Luke]
If I sing but don’t have love
I waste my breath with every song
I bring, an empty voice
A hollow noise
If I speak with a silver tongue
Convince a crowd but don’t have love
I leave a bitter taste
With every word I say

[Chorus]
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You’re made of
How you lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love

[Verse 2: Luke]
If I give to a needy soul
But don’t have love then who is poor
It seems all the poverty
Is found in me

[Chorus]
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You’re made of
How you lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love

[Bridge]
Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
When it’s all said and done
Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
When we sing our final song
Only love remains
Only love remains

[Monologue: Joel]
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate
If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all of His mysteries and making everything as plain as day
And if I have faith to say to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing
If I give all I own to the poor or even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere
So, no matter what I say, no matter what I believe, no matter what I do, I’m bankrupt without love

[Chorus]
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You’re made of
How you lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love

The song is based on 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 which says “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

What is the point of the 9-5 grind and gaining the world if you lose your humanity in the process? And I would argue that having love is an essential part of our humanity and what makes us keep going. And so I was disturbed by something else I saw before bed last night, that brielleybelly123’s honest cry was being mocked by conservative-leaning people who claim to be believers. I’m sorry but that doesn’t align with scripture. What does align with who God calls us to be is to love your neighbor as yourself, and to serve the widows, the orphans, and the lonely. When Jesus came to live among us, he sought out the outsiders of society, the lonely ones. American exceptionalism belief of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps is in direct contradiction to what really matters, God’s plan for how we interact with each other. It is disgusting to me to be honest that people are making whole videos making fun of her, but in the same breath will claim Christ. What is the proof of your love commentators, hm?

Now I’m not saying this is easy, or that we don’t all make mistakes. I literally fall short all the time, but the important thing is that we stay on the road and keep trying so that the proof of our love speaks to something bigger than us.

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