Tag: personal development

Creating Sewing and Knitting Tutorials on Instagram

In February, I started sharing short content tutorials, micro-vlogs, and step-by-step knitting patterns for free on Instagram reels. After four months of content creation and thinking like an instructor, how has this changed my thoughts on my purpose? Has it changed my own sewing and knitting skills? Let’s jump in!

I began sharing my work on Instagram back in 2017 as a writer, as my interest in clothes-making pivoted in 2020, so did my Instagram. My intention was a portfolio and not a content creator because, to be honest, that term makes me uncomfortable. It has been a barrier to wanting to share videos consistently when actually making videos that share not just what I made but how I made it, bring me the most joy.

In 2024, I began seeking out a sewing community online, and through this, I found shining examples of creative women and men who yes were creating content but we incredibly passionate about sharing their knowledge and skills to help others create and learn. Instead of it being about a platform and social media fame, it was about education and community to keep art forms like sewing and knitting thriving while helping people see an alternative to fast fashion.

It had a purpose that aligned with where I felt called to be. I want to do more with these skills than just sell people something, I want to create change and equip others with life skills. That’s not to say I wouldn’t love to make fashion that people can and want to wear, that would be awesome! It’s complicated.

I have Potato Technology as a name for my “label” but it is more of an abstract than a business. I’d like to expand more on this at another time, but long story short, I’ve been wrestling with what my skills should be working towards. A business? A fashion line? A following on Instagram? What is success in 2024? What should I define myself with? What is my motivation? These are questions I’ve had and been uncertain how to answer.

What has been a breath of fresh air has been seeing how to apply these skills in a way that they can be useful. In practicing for months these little tutorials, I think I’m discovering why I believe sewing and knitting are vital skills to have. It’s been a journey of discovery! I love showing how I make something. From the tools and tips I have discovered over the past four years or what the process looks like, someone can feel inspired and hopefully confident to give sewing and knitting a try!

That matters to me. I learned to sew and knit through YouTube and it was a game changer. But a lot of things at the moment are being put behind paywalls with subscriptions, courses, memberships, etc. I feel like information that you used to be able to learn from your community or family members is slowly being lost and reshelved behind tipping screens. I don’t think it’s right or fair, nor is it good for our culture to lose art forms that are so vital to daily life. We all wear clothing, we all have garments that need repairs, etc. Making should be an option instead of buying being the only option.

My long-term goal is to find a way to share the tutorials here in a way that makes sense for the platform, as I continue to do I realize all this filming has distracted me from writing. Hopefully, I will find a better balance now that I am moved in and settling into new routines at our house. I’m excited to share more on that story too because it taught me so much about agape love, the kindness of strangers, and how important family and community is to making things go right.

Thank you, dear reader, for taking time for me today. I hope that you know that you are loved, you are worthy, and that without you this blog would be simply a girl with a computer typing into a void. Thank you for your support! I always appreciate it!

Candlesticks

I find inspiration abundant when I am at home, my “home” home. The way my mom decorates brings me happiness! From the colors to the textures, it is a layered cake. There are some pieces that are quite old and have lived full lives before they found their way here. Others have a story, a memory attached that I think of, or a purchase memory itself, on one of our many mother-daughter outings as a kid. As I look forward to the future of decorating my own house, the warmth, and joy I feel being here is something I cherish and hope to instill into the new home we are about to settle into.

Candlesticks of glass, metal, and wood drawn in pencil and oil pastel on paper.

It’s Not Busy Work, it’s Motivation in the Chaos

When I was a kid and honestly, into adulthood, I thought studying the Bible and understanding the entire story, the nooks and crannies of the book that get skipped over, well I thought it was a lot of busy work that I wanted no part of. Especially after those four years of academia, no thanks.

But then I saw people in my life, who did spend all that time being consistent in the Word have much less stress and worry, despite stressful and difficult things. It didn’t make sense to me. I just thought they were more mature than me or could handle life better, as each stress and challenge KO-ed me into a tailspin of anxiety. Maybe they were lucky? Tougher?

They might be, but honestly, since I decided to try their method and read the entire Bible from 2020-2021, I felt like I had a new well of examples to draw on when life got hairy. A reminder of God’s promises to think about instead of comparing my circumstances to others and questioning why this bad lot was happening to me. It sparked the faith and hope for a tomorrow that sustained me through the past two months.

It wasn’t an instantaneous change. I didn’t realize I had made progress until I put work in. Like with everything in life, building faith, learning to hope, and having a scriptural reminder to lean on during the tough days took effort and consistency. Like a workout plan, a garden, language learning, etc. It all takes time and practice. I think that is why there is such an emphasis on perseverance and courage in the Bible because in those moments that test us faith, hope, and peace arrive because you have taken the time to immerse yourself in the manner in which God does things.

It’s motivation in the chaos when nothing makes sense and even you are second-guessing your own choices. For example, the eclipse, which I mentioned before I wasn’t a fan of, but in the moment of the totality, unless you have the knowledge of astronomy to understand that the sun isn’t actually disappearing, it just appears blocked because of the orbit of the earth around the sun perfectly lining up with the orbit of the moon at the right time. Although I knew that was happening, the eerie feeling of the sun ceasing to shine in the middle of the day was bizarre! I knew it would come back and the eclipse would only last a few minutes, there was that little voice in the back of my head that was whispering doubt that everything wouldn’t be okay and the sun would get lost back there, maybe take a wrong turn.

That little voice of doubt lives in all of us. It comes out at the most inconvenient times! It has arrived and set up camp in my head through this whole house debacle. Through all the chaos, I was spending time in prayer but I was struggling to find time to sit down with God’s word and find new motivation. As a believer, reading the Bible is a source of refreshment, it feels like listening to a song which amps you up, I also do that too. (My current favorite is WORK by Ateez). I was worried through all the chaos that not spending time in God’s word would lead to me running out of gas and losing my heart to carry on.

In a recent post, I spoke to where I’ve been but all the chaos of our landlord’s decision to sell the house we lived in and offer us a sketchy deal on it was just the half of it, as we were looking for peace from her lack of boundaries and decorum, we were also looking for a new place to live. There were days when my landlord would dump a whole bunch of stress on my shoulders and then personally the details for our new house would throw down hurdles of chaos. Endless paperwork, the possibility of it not being possible at all, and having to find a new plan, it was a lot and I was surprised in those moments how scripture passages of encouragement from Psalms and Proverbs or stories of struggle by real people in the Bible would find their way into my mind. It would reinvigorate my drive to keep going. It kept me from quitting in frustration.

As a kid, things with my dad leaving us at an early age reinforced this narrative in my head that I didn’t deserve happiness or that the other shoe would always drop. Even though God provided a better life than I would have ever had with my narcissistic and verbally abusive dad, instead of focusing on the good, my brain has fixed on the bad. I have given up on so many hard things in life because I hit a bump in the road and just thought it was what I deserved. It sounds so silly to say it out loud. By digging into the Word over the past four years, that time of study has assisted me in pushing that voice down, in order to reframe what God has in store for me.

Things will probably get bad, over and over again. This world is fallen and can really suck sometimes. There will be jerks but there will also be good people. In life there will be times of joy and sadness, there will also be times of hardship. One setback is just a setback, not a lifestyle. I wish I had pursued studying the Bible sooner because I think there was a lot of peace available in my life that I refused to acknowledge. I did it the hard way, alone. It didn’t need to be like that.

Even if you are not a person of faith, I hope this encourages you to prioritize your mental health so that you will have a deep well to draw from on those hard days. You are not alone. I think you are awesome. ❤

#55 – Where I’ve Been

On April 27, 2024, I was thrown a massive curve ball that set life in a bit of a tail spin that to be honest I’m not sure if I have still recovered from mentally. It was a lot!

In March I contacted my landlord to renew our lease for the next year, I like to do it two months ahead of the renewal date to make things go smoothly. In writing, she said yes, great. I thought, wonderful! Everything is settled for another year. At this point it was our third year living in the house and we were quite settled in, our landlord seemed pretty chill, and the house felt like home. I had set up a studio finally in one of the spare bedrooms, Kyle had a woodshop in the garage, everything was organized just right and the place gave me such a sense of normalcy where other rentals had not.

Shuffling the Deck

In April, my landlord had acted a little weird. She never followed up to sign a lease, which she is incredibly type A so I thought maybe she was busy? Then she asked if we wanted to buy the house, without any context if this was a serious request or a passing fancy. It was not the first time she asked, she did that in our first year and followed with she had no plans to sell. Odd, right? Well, on April 27 at 8pm she announced to me that she was not renewing our lease and we had three days to decide if we were buying the house from her at $210k USD or she was putting in on the market immediately, even though we had one more month on our lease.

We were flabbergasted to be honest. What? What! How did we get here? And who is this new pushy person trying to rip the rug out from under me? We took the three days to pray and consider if this was even possible, could we really afford that much? And why was the price so high for this small house, on a small yard that honestly needed some TLC after years of being used as a rental not a cared for home.

I think as humans we crave security, steadiness. The day before I felt incredibly steady. We had a place to live that was safe, with running water, heat, electricity, privacy. It wasn’t ours but as a steady tennant that paid rent and took care of it, I really didn’t see why they would want to lose that? I was clearly playing checkers when she was playing chess.

We decided to move forward with buying it in hopes that if we walked forward in faith that God would provide. Either the door would continue to close or it would slam shut. But another door would open. It may not be what I wanted but it would be according to His plan and He would provide an alternative. I clung to that as my stomach filled with butterflies that never really left. All month long.

Fact Check

That Monday I began the intimidating and confusing process of applying for a mortgage, and after what happened with taxes this year that became a little tricky. Those new tax penatlies for not filing quarterly had took a bite out of the downpayment we had been saving for and it was looking grim. I think those pre-approval forms are grim and confusing even if you are planning to do this, it’s just endless numbers, questions, terms, word vomit of legalese and bank jargon. With my head spinning as Rocket Mortgage said nada, my friend suggested I check out my bank and this is where things began turning around!

Irony of irony, I was matched with mortgage officer who grew up in the town the rental was in and he was friendly, knowledgeable and began to kick the tires on these unexpected shenanigans from the landlord. I learned it was going to be tight but possible if we wanted to buy it but that $210k was a ridiculous amount for what the house was and I was recommended by the bank to proceed with caution because on their end the math was not mathing on that price.

Things got a bit more interesting when the landlord began laying out the terms of how this was going to go. It began with stating that we were not using a realtor but a settlement company she knew with a number that didn’t work when I tried to call them. Next there was the timeline. She wanted me to write up a sellers agreement, until I began requesting an inspection and contingencies in case the value wasn’t as high as she insisted it was. She was giving us a deal you know, at $210k USD. It was a steal! She could get way more if she wasn’t doing this favor out of the kindness of her heart!

There was also the interesting niggle of the hand money, a concept I learned about this process which is where the buyer gives 1% of the list price to be held by the real estate company until closing. After the sale is final, the seller receives the money but not before. The landlord insisted that I give her a check for $5k USD to hold the house made out to her. Um, sketchy. Very sketchy. I told her several times that I couldn’t make contact with the settlement company and she wouldn’t give me the accurate contact info. Oh so sketchy.

But that’s not the end of the suspcious behavior. When I inquired what would happen if closing took longer than the lease, she promised she would never kick me and my husband out, we would just pay rent until the closing, pro-rated of course. This is where things changed though. I raised concerns over not being able to make contact with the settlement company, along with things about the house I knew were broken that the landlord had dodged fixing over the years. With her permission I had an inspection done, which she was quite disgruntled about when he found $40k plus of things that needed to be fixed that were now on the record. She began to get aggressive with me. I raised the need for things to be put in writing because under Pennsylvania law landlords are required to give a tenant 60 days written notice to figure everything out before a landlord can sell or remove a tenant. This enraged her, and she told me I was lying and her lease was above the law.

An hour later she showed up at the house and threw documents at our door which were quite interesting. There were some things that are not up to code in the house that she had acknowledged in the past and yet she seemed to get a very sudden case of amnesia. She gave us a “sellers agreement” that was just a disclosure saying that there was nothing wrong with the house, specifically lying about things she knew were broken. She signed and dated it. Next was a piece of paper saying that we were buying the house and were paying them rent for June until we closed on the 30th. This was also signed and dated.

We were told in an attached note to sign, date, and write a check that either she could hand deliver to the settlement or we could drop them off to the company (that I couldn’t make contact with) telling me of course she would get me the number. By this point, it was beginning to feel like harassment. From April 27 to this point it had been fortnight of her calling me and texting me almost daily with nagging about getting this settled as quick as possible or else. It was incredibly unprofessional and rude. I felt like a child instead of being respected as an adult with responsibilities and work I had to do. This lady’s only job is landlording and she had all day to contact me which was really frustrating because everything in my life was beginning to revolve around her wants and demands so that she could move to Florida, asap with a big chunk of my change in her pocket.

Door Shutting

Thankfully, I began to learn more about this situation from friends who are professionals in the real estate business and people in the community. I learned this house she bought with cash in 2010 for $105k that she flipped into a rental. Her number was $210k because she wanted to double her money plus a little extra from her $5k finder’s fee. There was no mortgage so all rent was icing on the cake. In the three years we rented from her, where she raised the rent, plus the hefty security deposit, she made $36,400 off us alone. This is where I could clearly see what made her tick. Greed. Because we could have easily done a rent to own, or figured this out in January, but the element of surprise was going to make her more money like a shakedown.

At this point it was pretty clear that any negotiation or talk was useless. This was a fools errand that I wanted no part of. Thankfully there was a new door opening a very exciting new door. But one part of it still remained, how would we transition from this place to our new home without drama? This ate me up for weeks. I am quite scared of confrontation and pushy people. My dad is a narcissist and uses the same tactics. Each conversation with her felt like it ripping up old wounds causing me emotional distress. My appetite was gone and restful sleep drifting beyond my reach.

But as all foolish people do, give them enough time and they will self destruct. That she did. On May 22, we received some very expensive mail. Mail from a lawyer on her behalf pressuring us to buy the house immediately, to pay her rent for June, and to send her the hand money. If not we had to get out on May 31. Even though the lease said we could continue paying her rent until we figured something out. She sent us four copies of that letter with postage at $8 USD a pop, I’d assume his hourly fee is quite steep as well. It was petty and it made us feel incredibly defeated. How were we going to do this when our new home would be settled in June? Do I need a lawyer? I knew she had no real power here because of PA tenant laws but this was beyond what I was comfortable with.

Sometimes the cost of standing your ground is too much for the mental toll it will take. I had stood my ground with my dad, and other narcists but this time there was too much at stake for someone who is who she is. Nothing was going to change her mind, it would only get worse. It makes me sad when peacemaking is not possible. I really think we could have had a different outcome here and brought this chapter to a close with mutual respect in place. I truly thought she was a nice person for most of our time renting. It was shocking to see how it all changed overnight.

Was she seriously going to make us move everything into a storage unit for a few days instead of working with us? The answer was yes. So we moved it all with the help of family and the provision of God we got it all done before May 31. I’m not even sure how we got it all done!

Now as I write this I am still waiting for my new house to close, but I sit here in the safety of family who generously gave us a place to crash until we can move in. I don’t know where I would be without people who love me and I hope that I will have the chance to pay it forward in the future.

Love Makes the World Go Round

What can I take away from this wild month? Well I’d say it has proved to me things I already knew were true. Money is the root of all evil. Foolish behavior and greed are good friends. Impatience and haste get us no where. Wisdom and love are worth more than money. Community is what makes life rich. God never drops us, His faithfulness prevails over the plans of man. Family and friendship are priceless. The United States house crisis is real and without God’s provision this story would have a different ending, which has made my commitment to donating to Light of Life even stronger in my mind because no one should fall through the cracks in the system because of someone else’s greed.

I’m sorry this was a bit of a long winded one, it was a long, chaotic story that I have been wanting to talk about since it started but didn’t feel comfortable until l was out of there. I hope wherever you are you know that you are loved, worthy, and have more value than all the gold in the world. ❤

Great White Trillium with Mossy Rock

Oil Pastel on paper. Sketched in pencil. Wildflower, rock, and weeds as I remember them on a late April day or early May day. To be honest, this month has been so chaotic I can’t remember when I went to the creek to sketch.

This drawing was sketched with a live subject, on the trail beside the creek in real life with the real soundtrack of water, birds, and insects buzzing. It was the first time in many years that I had sketched in nature like that and it was wonderful.

Drawing in nature, not only cleared my mind but helped me immerse my mind in what I was doing. This process slowed everything down for me and reminded me to go back to basics in my artistic approach. To take the extra time to draw careful pencil lines to indicate details I wanted to preserve, like the levels of the rock. To have that impression committed to pencil and paper instead of relying on an image from a phone or drawing something from my imagination.

From muddy base to jagged peaks where the moss grows to the lines of the leaves on the Great Trillium plant. It helped me remember where the light was washing across the form and what was hidden by shadow. If you would like to see more of the wildflowers from that trail check out April Wildflowers.

What is your favorite thing to sketch outside? Do you like to draw small details or sweeping impressions of landscapes? Are you more of a still-life or landscape person? I’m a sucker for flowers. I love their infinite imagination and stunning wardrobe.

Focal Point: A Learning Process in Art

I remember sitting in Art class, the last class period of the day, half listening and half daydreaming, while my art teacher explained the fundamentals of art to my class. I recall perspective, positive and negative space, color, form, repetition, etc. I wished I had paid attention more because I realized I was forgetting an important one – the focal point.

As I previously mentioned in Koala Drawings in Pencil, I wanted to improve my drawing skills by sketching a muse that made me happy and would challenge me. I found my koala inspiration photos on Instagram from the account @gohachi__ which captured images of koalas with so much expression. In my first drawing Koala Scott in Oil Pastel, I mentioned I was thrilled by how it turned out! I loved how the inspiration photo gave me a great perspective of the image and was pleased with the oil pastels for the texture it gave to the image.

I hoped that my second koala drawing would produce the same result but this is not what happened, and it took me a while to figure out why. The original sketch had positive and negative space, and form, and had a focal point – the koala crawling across the main limb of the tree. But, once I added color through my oil pastels, the focal point became murky.

Now is this because I used the wrong medium to add color? Possibly. Or it could be that there are so many details in the original photo and I let those details distract from the focal point of the drawing. Art and photography are related, but different. They are mediums of expression that capture moments but in different ways. Photography creates a scene or captures a moment in time, whereas art can live in a world of imagination. When we look at art it gives us an illusion, connects to an emotion, and gives us an impression of a moment. It’s not a one-for-one match-up. I realized my mistake was that I forgot to think like an artist, instead, I focused on replicating the image which is not going to provide the same emotive qualities that good art does! In my Koala Scott drawing, replicating the koala was the right move because the focal point was clear.

The photograph I used was zoomed in and focused on the koala and its expression. I could let the background fade out of focus and let the koala’s emotions and communication be the star. But the koala crawling across the limb, framed with smaller branches, added clutter to the image. As a photograph, it works because the composition is made for it. As a sketch it was fine, but as a piece of art with color and texture it falls flat. I’m not satisfied with it.

Final Thoughts

As a perfectionist, I hate making mistakes, but as a student, I know that making mistakes is an opportunity to learn! Comparing the two finished drawings I can see how I can improve and that’s exciting.

I think we should be more open to looking at our work, mistakes and all, and look at what went right and what we can improve on. It doesn’t mean we have failed. Learning is messy but practice is how we grow so don’t give up if you’re frustrated with your progress on a skill. Growing takes time. Don’t compare yourself to others, judge your work by your past work and see how you have grown! I hope this encourages you to keep trying and keep growing in whatever endeavors you are embarking on. You got this! ❤

Sorry, I have been a bit absent on here for the last two weeks. I can’t wait until I can explain why I have been distracted because it is a really good story. Thanks for taking time with me dear reader and I wish you a wonderful weekend. Until next time 🙂

#54 – Keep Flying

Happy May! This is my favorite month of the spring season. The flowers have bloomed, in their vibrant glory of fuschia and periwinkles. The leaves come back! I love seeing the trees all dressed in the green finery for another year. The warmth of the sunshine as it washes me in its light. It’s the joy of feeling warm without that roasting heat of June and July. We have wildflowers, the days are still growing long, and a whole season of outdoor activities stretching out in front of us – it’s a great time to be alive.

This May is going to be a whirlwind for sure. It’s happening in good ways and bad. I can’t exactly say why yet, but I’d like to share something this month is teaching me – how to remain calm when I have no chill because big life changes are happening. Does anyone really? I’m not convinced, but I see that being able to step back from times of shaky ground and change to find peace in the storm of confusion is the secret of adulthood.

I’m learning to stick to a plan and focus on the finish line. It’s teaching me how to push my worries back into my head relax my shoulders and turn my attention to something else. Am I doing this perfectly every time? Heck no! I was frustrated and worried, completely done and ready to wave the white flag last night. Staying calm is such a tricky thing. It feels like a balancing act with fine china ready to smash with any small shift. A tightrope act of processing my emotions, making a plan, feeling overwhelmed, getting tired, and usually I would feel looped in this circle of stress, unable to turn my mind off and get a breather to recharge.

Growing in faith and maturity has given me a new perspective on this feeling. I don’t like it and I actually want to do something about it. I don’t want to be tossed around by the sea of life. I want to roll it. Be someone who can accept what they cannot change and keep moving forward with joy in my heart. So I have been applying new strategies. I only complete one big stress task per day and then I move on to a normal task and a creative task. I’ve been more honest with the people around me that are my support system and have actually let them support me without isolating myself in a state of overwhelm.

Talking has reminded me of the bigger picture and that although there are some big things on the horizon, it’s going to be okay because I have people who love me. I’ve sought out fun things in the evening like watching familiar favorite TV shows, video games and good meals. I’ve been challenging myself to eat healthy instead of giving into stress eating patterns. I’ve been drinking herbal teas for my immune system and emotional wellbeing. I’ve been pushing myself to either workout or get outside, away from scrolling to clear my head and relieve stress.

It’s not just a bunch of Hocus Pocus it’s truly been helping. And personally, Kyle and I praying together, has been a game changer. Getting on my knees and praying instead of praying at my desk, or in the shower, or as I do tasks throughout the day, has made a big difference. Which to be clear, those are not bad ways to pray, in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17 literally says, “pray without ceasing.” I’m learning a lot from all that is happening and I think, however everything pans out I am getting valuable life experience to keep going when it feels confusing or scary. Like it says in Firefly, find a ship, find a crew, keep flying.

I hope wherever you are, dear reader, that you are having a lovely day. I wish you a wonderful week and believe that it will be no matter what you are facing. There is a bigger plan at work. Thank you for spending time with me today, it means the world to me that anyone would take the time to read my blog. ❤

Learning Japanese from K-Camping, Bunny Content, and Going Back to Basics

Since starting this language journey over a year, my learning style has changed a lot and I feel like I’m falling into a rhythm that is helping me retain what I’m learning instead of feeling overwhelmed. Let’s get into it!

When I started learning in 2023 I decided to go “by the book” I thought and bought the books, used college textbooks to be exact, and dictionaries, thinking it would help me tackle this with ease. What I learned as the process went on is that I don’t have a lot of experience learning languages like I thought. I got distracted by the process I set out for myself – working through the textbook, and in turn, procrastinated like a champ.

What helped me get my motivation back was diving into the language itself and leaving the grammar rules of the textbook behind, like diving into hiragana, katakana, kanji, and some vocabulary. I made hiragana flashcards and katakana flashcards. I began learning kanji from an account called the Joy of Kanji on Instagram, as well as started learning vocabulary from Hamasuke’s Japanese Learning channel on YouTube. This was a great way to start learning words and putting the sounds and the alphabet of syllables together in my mind. I would watch Hamasuke’s channel when I rode the exercise bike to try to keep me motivated and it was fun.

Getting Advice From A Native Japanese Speaker

Online I follow several Japanese language teachers as well as many Japanese creators, one of these creators shared advice on an ‘Ask Me a Question’ story post after a follower asked for Japanese learning tips. He said to memorize hiragana and katakana, learn vocabulary and kanji, and immerse yourself in listening to people speak Japanese and worry about grammar and sentence structure later on. Starting in 2024, that’s what I’ve been doing. It’s been back to basics and it’s working.

Kinda obvious actually, I mean that’s how we learn our first language, but I think when we are learning as adults or learning a second language, we overcomplicate. I was doing that! I’m so glad that this person shared this advice because it’s taken the pressure off and given me a clear path to follow. It’s been game-changing!

My new learning plan has been to copy down hiragana, katakana, and the kanji I started learning on an app so it’s in front of me and in my notebook. I take my flashcards of hiragana and katakana and I write them down. I go through each stack. Sometimes I go through the stack again, and again depending on how focused I am that day. As long as I keep to schedule and do this several times a week, I see progress. When I skip, I notice I don’t make progress and that is motivating to be consistent. This has been better practice for my own retention of the language than reviewing the flashcards on their own.

Recently, I’ve been marking which ones I can guess and which ones I have guessed wrong to begin tracking my own memorization. That has helped me track my progress and I would recommend after you’ve given yourself enough to practice and learn. Where I’ve seen the most growth is in the next thing I’ve added to my learning – immersion in listening to native speakers.

Forget Anime, I’m a Kei Camper and Bunny Girl

It’s been interesting to find that there are a lot of rabbit channels based in Japan on YouTube. Technically I should clarify – they are usagi channels, the word for rabbit in Japanese. I follow several channels – Pocket Usagi, Kogarana’s Bunny Popo Channel, and Hana-chan no Usagi Channel. I’ve been watching Pokke and Milk of Pocket Usagi and Bunny Popo since 2022 and Hana-chan I found this year. They all include subtitles, which I’ve had some trouble following even when I was learning in 2023, the only word I could pick out quickly from the subtitles was Popo-chan. Since following the new learning strategy, I’ve been able to quickly recognize syllables and pick them in the subtitles as well as words like Hana-chan, Usagi, and some kanji that stand out to me like the one for rest.

Where I have felt the most growth has been since watching Coupy Camper Channel over the last few weeks because he has closed captions, and Japanese subtitles to the side, and he also speaks on camera, which the other channels do not. His channel lets me experience the cadence of speech which is different from my English comfort zone and Korean which I hear watching K-dramas. It’s been such an interesting way to either just listen and see what the words mean in my native language or listen and follow the subtitles to see what the Japanese syllables I’m learning sound like and how it all get put together in conversations. It has also shown me how Japanese is written and how to navigate the lines of characters in their vertical structure. Through recognizing the sounds and characters I learned that it is read vertically right to left. It’s helping me understand pronunciation, which is huge!

Coupy Channel is giving me a taste of Japanese culture too from seeing the country from the perspective of a resident, exploring the countryside through his trips, learning about the cuisine from how he cooks, and seeing how it is not that different from life here. I feel common ground and that is helping put the pieces together. I am incredibly grateful for his content because I am not a big anime fan. I’ve tried watching anime and while I love the style, I’ve struggled to find the right ones to pull me in. I will eventually try again. Until then Coupy Channel will be my guide.

LALALALA and ACNH

The R sound in Japanese has been confusing me from the start but unexpectedly, a song has helped me remember the pronunciation to keep me focused on learning the sound when I am practicing. That sound is ‘LALALALA’ from Stray Kids’ ‘樂-STAR’ album. The song is a wordplay of rock in English and ‘rak’ in Korean, the Chinese character means delight and pleasure but rock is the first part of ‘rock n roll’. It’s quite clever. I’ve used this to help me remember to not read the Japanese syllable as ‘ra’ but remember to pronounce it with the softer ‘la’ r-sound.

Animal Crossing New Horizons’ I’ve learned from watching Coupy Channel and the Rabbit channels, features a lot of little details from Japanese culture which is such a cool way to immerse even if it is being played in English. For example, the Firefly squid came to the game in April and I later watched Coupy Channel prepare while camping. In this, I learned the Japanese name for it hotaru-ika. I’ve learned about festivals in Japanese culture and traditions, it’s been a fun primer.

In conclusion, I’m optimistic that I will make some real progress in 2024. Hopefully, the next update will be an exciting one!

#53 – Lemon Curd

In Portal 2, Cave Johnson has an iconic rant about lemons that may have been the inspiration for my Saturday plan – to make dairy-free lemon curd from scratch.

To clarify, no lemons were exploded. But they were zested, juiced, and combined into a luscious lemon sauce and baked into lemon bars. Tart, sweet, buttery, lemon bars.

“All right, I’ve been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager!
Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man whose gonna burn your house down – with the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

-Cave Johnson, Aperture Laboratories

But why did Cave Johnson speak so deeply to my mood on Saturday morning, one of the best times of the week? Well my dysfunctional family, of course. Communication is truly an art form, and for some relationships, healthy communication seems as easy as replicating a Michelangelo masterpiece with a butter knife. I am a member of that club. I feel like sometimes a conversation with my mom is doomed from the start. I call her and there is something in the air. A mistaken tone she finds in me, a lack of matching her extroverted, neurotypical energy.

The inability to recognize drama or harshness in her tone. My anxiety and frustration at being accosted by questions, picking remarks, or in general still not living up to whatever I was supposed to. It’s a mess, a mess that continues to respawn after numerous attempts to get rid of this and live a drama-free life with the mom that I do deeply love even if sometimes I get exasperated at her. This was one of those conversations, I did something and the verbal missiles were locking on me, which was really disappointing because it was supposed to be a simple conversation – what time are you coming up to celebrate my husband’s birthday?

Instead, there was chaos, my confusion at why there was chaos with questions followed by accusations of trying to fight and being told I was being a problem, gaslit into the aggressor when I held my temper in check and just asked questions. There seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I was being baited into a fight and it sucked. It was a conversational sucker punch. Some weeks I don’t even want to pick up the phone, I yearn to move far away from the possibility of hanging out with her, because I just want to be loved not picked at. Being lonely but happy feels better than being close and miserable. I feel like she brings all the drama-ma-ma-ma-ma and then runs away from me after her work is done.

In the screaming silence that followed the nasty encounter, I felt confusion, anger, hurt, sadness, failure, shame, disappointment, a building pressure of anxiety and depression, and the complex childhood trauma memories flooding back of her gaslighting me into thinking I was a kid with an un-teachable spirit, a stubborn child who spirit needed to be broken because seeing things differently from her was a sin.

I feel sorry for my mom because none of those things are true, and keeping me at arm’s length hurts both of us. We only have so much time on this earth, wouldn’t it be better to be laughing instead of arguing, smiling instead of crying?

I’ve learned there is nothing wrong with me. I’m neuro-divergent and God made me this way for a reason. There is beauty in being different, but she can’t see that. She sees me as difficult, and I in turn see her as small-minded.

Recently, I’ve turned to baking when I feel down in the dumps. For a while, baking was quite painful for me, after Grandma passed away in 2020. She was the one who taught me how to bake and that void made baking a chore. Since watching the Great British Bake Off, I’ve found my baking delight once again. We had a bunch of lemons on hand for a separate recipe, and since the rest needed to be used, I decided to make something I’d never made from scratch before. Lemon curd.

They make it on Bake-Off and I used to love eating lemon bars and lemon meringue pie as a kid, it was Papa’s favorite pie. We had it each year on his birthday. It was the bomb. The tart, lemony sharpness of the filling with the pillowy sweet clouds of meringue on top, slightly browned like a marshmallow with a flakey crust. Scrumptious.

Fun fact: My grandma dressed, acted, and looked a lot like Mary Berry. Watching Bake Off is like a hug.

And you know what, baking helped. I felt the tension melt from my shoulders as I zested the lemons and squeezed the juice into the bowl. The delicacy of separating yolks from egg whites required me to slow down, to breathe through the emotional stress. I made a cup of herbal tea and began work on the sugar and butter. After combining it came time to use the bain-marie to slowly temper the eggs and cook until thickened. The result was a dreamy curd that I was hoping for!

Out of pain, something beautiful came, and the next day I made shortbread for the lemon bars and layered the golden yellow lemon sauce into the pan for a delight I hadn’t had since childhood. Next time we’ll make that lemon meringue pie.

I’m glad I’ve learned coping mechanisms like baking, cleaning, stimming, etc so that I am not tempted to rage at my mom, clench my jaw, get drunk, or go on a shopping spree to fill the pain with stuff. It’s been a journey but through my tumultuous twenties, I learned that the dysfunction is never going away but who I am and how I respond to it are not beholden to other people and their poor behavior. And that is true freedom.

Have you ever made lemon curd? Do you like lemon meringue pie or lemon bars? What’s your go-to way to calm down after a stressful encounter? Thank you, dear reader, for coming along on this blogging journey with me. I’m incredibly thankful for you.

Garments I Want to Try Making Again

Two summers ago, in 2022, I tried my hand at making dresses and separates with some mixed results. Some pieces I loved but had fit issues, some were poorly constructed and just fell apart, and some were made with the wrong materials for the project and were doomed to fail from the start. But as a new sewist who is self-taught, it was the only way I was going to learn, by experimenting and making and then doing it all over again.

In 2024, I’ve seen a huge jump in my skill level. I’m beginning to feel comfortable with the craft and I’m wiser about my fabric choices, which makes me think about these former projects. Could I make a better version of them? Have I leveled up my skills enough to do these projects justice and have them in my closet for years to come?

The Blanket Dress

Original Materials: Cotton Flannel, Satin Blanket Edging

Issues: Sleeves fall down and fabric stretches with wear. Not enough structure and bad pattern matching.

2024 Plan: Choose a cotton shirting with more body and keep the plaid pattern or if I stuck with the light cotton flannel, I would add a lining to give structure. Pattern match when cutting out pieces because I can tell I didn’t try at all! Add tie to the back shoulders to keep the sleeves on my shoulders. Add a button placket or zipper to fit the dress to my body better. I would make the bodice even, because I can see how each side of it is a different length.

Will I make this again? Most likely! It is one of my favorite pieces from my early designs.

Amalfi Coast Girl Slip Dress

Original Materials: A very lightweight polyester silk that I found on clearance at Joann Fabrics.

Issues: Very thin, made me paranoid. Being a slip dress I felt uncomfortable, like I forgot to get dressed.

2024 Plan: Lining! I would line this 100% now because that was just silly. I would pick a better fabric though, this one was hot and difficult to sew. I would also fix the bunching in the skirt and fit the bodice better because it looks messy.

Would I make this again? Yes! Potentially this summer if I find the right fabric.

“Linen” Two Piece Set

Original Materials: Vintage Quilting Cotton from my Gram’s stash. Snaps and buttons (because button holes scared me).

Issues: Not real buttons, this was a hassle. The shirt was a bit short and too boxy. The shorts were an absolute mess because I didn’t have a french curve or a proper pattern to make shorts from. The seat was too narrow and the the rise too short, the waist band I didn’t fold over so it provided no structure. A side zip and snaps were an okay closure but they never felt truly secure.

2024: I would buy the cotton gauze fabric or buy linen for the look I wanted. The quilting cotton made this feel like pajamas and it made a little unsure about wearing it out. I would make a proper fitting pair of shorts this time and a real button holes. Other than that, I’m quite pleased with my original idea.

Would I make this again? Yes, it was chic and comfy, if only it had been constructed better I may still have it.

Cropped Cardigan and Ruffle Skirt

Original Materials: Two upcycled pillow cases and a hand-me-down dress I cropped into a cardigan.

Issues: The pillowcase was stained and see through. The cardigan was made from a fast fashion piece that was terrible quality that made it feel weird on the skin. I like the appearance of this look more than I did wearing it.

2024 Plan: Opaque quilting cotton or shirting to feel comfortable. Knit the cardigan in a cotton yarn or a linen yarn to make it versatile for Spring, Summer, and Fall.

Would I make this again? Yes, it’s already on my to do list. I would wear this for so many things.

Silk-ish Halter and Wrap Skirt

Original Materials: A satin polyester from Joann Fabrics. Snaps and a tie made from the fabric.

Issues: My halter top gaped, it was poorly draped and did not feel secure at the back snaps or neck snaps. The skirt did not have enough volume. I didn’t feel like myself in it.

2024 Plan: I would properly drape the bodice and add bust cups potentially to the top. I would also not make it a two piece look because I wouldn’t wear the pieces separately. The fabric was nice and I would use something like it again, although I would love for it to not be polyester.

Would I make it again? No, it doesn’t fit into my wardrobe. I would use a similar fabric again for a dress, but not a halter dress.

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