Tag: personal development

My First Buttondown Shirt

I’ve been sewing for three years as a full-time apprentice after being laid off. I’ve mentioned this before in #1 – Welcome and #3 – First Sewing Project and it’s been a quick learning curve from hand-sewing, paper patterns, pattern drafting, and machine sewing, but one skill has eluded me for three years. That is the working buttonhole with professional-looking buttonholes! Not my crappy buttonholes that look like an animal chewed a hole through the fabric and I hastily sewed some thread around it, no I’m talking about secure, there for the long haul, even button holes. Well-anchored and secure fasteners of fashion! Well, I figured it out thanks to YouTube and I am incredibly happy!

This shirt has a working placket of buttons and buttonholes, with a self-drafted shirt front and back panels, collar, and sleeves with a gusset for a more fitted sleeve shape. I finished the sleeves with a cuff for added pizazz. This shirt is made from buffalo plaid flannel from Mood Fabrics that sat in my fabric stash for 11 months waiting for the right project. At first, I bought it to make a two-piece pj set, which then was revised into matching pj pants for Kyle and me, and was further revised into pj pants for Kyle and a flannel shirt for me.

I love this print because it has Canadian Geese, Caribou, and Elk. Elk hold a special place in my heart because of where my husband is from, Caribou makes me think of the song Long Time Running by The Tragically Hip, the red plaid makes me think of my Canadian heritage, and Canadian Geese are my comfort animals.

I’m sure that sounds weird but I will elaborate. When I was 10, my mom had this amazing opportunity to go to Ireland through her work. Although it was only for 10 days, it really scared me because I had never been away from her that long. I was used to not seeing my dad for months, but my mom was always there for me. On the day her trip began, my grandparents took me mini-golfing and while we were there this little baby Canadian Goose, gosling I guess, followed me around through our entire game. It was my little buddy. I named it Popcorn. The owners of the course said they had never seen this happen before. If it hadn’t been a wild animal, I would have asked to adopt it.

Fast forward fifteen years later and I’m living in Savannah, Georgia. I moved closer to get to know my dad who lived in Savannah and I had a falling out with my mom in the process. My grandparents are now sick and I’m feeling lost. Each time I went to prayer meeting at Compassion Christian there was a flock of Canadian Geese in the parking lot. It was July and August, not prime migration time. It was odd, and I felt like they were there for me. A reminder that God was with me even when I was feeling lost and homesick.

Two years later, my grandpa passed away, the world was shut down and I felt lonely and lost in Meadville, unsure of how to feel home again. My grandma was now a widow and grieving, we didn’t know it yet but she was starting to move towards heaven, as she would in December of that year. I began to notice something each day at 4 pm, a lone goose or a flying V of Canadian Geese will fly directly over our house. Every day. This continues for a year. I even moved to a new place within that year and it still happened. When that goose or group of geese approached my house, I would hear the honk and I would run outside to watch it fly. In that moment I felt a feeling of comfort, like I could feel God’s presence with me so intensely. Just like a parent’s presence can make you feel safe, I felt that.

I’d say this is probably my favorite item in my wardrobe right now. Thank you, dear reader, for hanging out with me today. I hope you feel safe and loved today.

It’s Me, I’m the Problem

I want this post to be as real as possible. As I am currently tapping these keys into letters on this virtual page, I am uncertain if this will actually get posted. I don’t write enough and I think that is because I get too into my head. Perfectionism takes hold and I let the ideas flow out of my brain and into the atmosphere. I let myself talk my creative mind out of ideas that may be wonderful. I stumble and overthink. I’ve been thinking about what’s on my mind today for a couple months now, actually a couple years if I take stock. Okay, here it goes.

I’m bad at going to church, I’m not even sure if I like it or have ever liked it. Yikes. I said it. But I want to be different because I would like to have a community in my town and also keep a teachable spirit throughout my life.

Early on, church and school melded into one – private Christian education. That remained a constant throughout my time at college. Becoming an adult and reflecting on my time in church communities across various denominations has confused me more than it has filled me with an appetite to go. I feel shame for my feelings and I’m also concerned that if I called out the reasons in the circles that have left me feeling this way they would shut their ears until I “repented” and then they would still not hear me out.

Denominations I have attended or interacted with at school or in life:
Reformed Presbyterian
Christian Missionary Alliance
Nazerene
Catholic
Orthodox Reformed Presbyterian
Russian Orthodox
Greek Orthodox
Presbyterian USA
Seventh Day Adventist
Presbyterian split from USA
Evangelical Presbyterian
Non-Denominational
Presbyterian PCA
Baptist
Pentecostal
Methodist
Anglican
Lutheran
Mennonite
Amish

It’s quite the cross-section, spanning North America and Europe. Through these different church doctrinal cultures, I have been the weird kid with no siblings. The weird kid with a single mom. The weird kids with divorced parents. The weird kid who lives with her grandparents. The weird kid with no dad. The weird kid with catholic family members, whom my Reformed Presbyterian friends and family could not approve of. I’ve been the one who is uncomfortable by how Protestants self-righteously look down on Catholic and Orthodox friends. I’ve been the one who has felt out of place.

The girl who has been questioned, privately and publically about my faith because I like art and want to become a fashion designer. I have been questioned about my faith because I do not have children yet I am married. I have been questioned about my faith when I was the breadwinner of my relationship temporarily because my husband took an opportunity that temporarily had a pay cut. I’ve been questioned about my faith because of tattoos, ear piercings, fashion choices, and clip-in purple hair extensions. My salvation has been mocked because I sing hymns instead of psalms.

I’ve encountered churches that would not let me join or take communion unless my husband was first a member. I’ve encountered people who are self-righteous about their Pentecostal experiences. I’ve also attended churches where the pastor looks like an MTV cast member and preaches that your life will be full of wealth and privilege like him if you listen to him. I’ve heard sermons teach unbiblical things for the sake of social capital and popularity. I’ve encountered out-of-touch snobbery and generosity from humble people.

I’ve genuinely enjoyed four churches – the Spanish service in Paris at a very old church, Pastor Knapp’s preaching at First Presbyterian Church in an old stained glass stone church, SOMA in a random basement of building seated at tables instead of pews so that you could have a meal afterward (it was an inner city mission in my hometown), Compassion Christian with their rockband and folding chairs. My first thought after writing that is to realize that the “church” really doesn’t matter to me, it’s the people and their kindness. Their love for the Lord and his Word by which they are seeking to be Christ-like instead of being Christian – my favorite descriptor, not.

I have no idea what the point of sharing this is other than the fact that it is on my heart, and I feel led to talk about it because I don’t want to feel dread at the thought of joining a church, but I currently do. I don’t feel dread of stepping foot in a church or listening to a sermon and worshipping God. I’m not afraid to be identified with Christ or to share my testimony. But dang, the cliques, the judgment, and the bickering of the people in the church have really messed with my perception of the church. I’m not a snowflake for feeling that way, and I’m also not living in sin, I just know there is more I could be doing for the Kingdom of God if I joined a church that I will be missing out on if I can’t seem to get past this pothole in the road. It’s like a massive February pothole on a Pittsburgh road that might swallow your car hole if you hit it right.

I guess the point of this post is to bring community to the other ones like me who simply do not feel heard or welcome to voice the church hurt that they have. The ones who are struggling to separate who God is from these crazy humans running the operation called church. Can we help each other?

#34 – Shaping Up

*Trigger Warning – weight, self-worth, ED, sizing* No worries if this one is not for you ❤

I wasn’t planning to write about this, mainly because I felt so ashamed a month ago when I visited my local outlets with an expectant heart to find the perfect baggy jeans to match my YesStyle inspiration photos, instead of finding what I wanted I got my butt handed to me by the un-standardization of standardized sizing and underwhelming offerings of American denim in 2023. Yeah, it was that kind of trip.

Rude Awakening

So I knew I would not find exactly what I was looking for because I was inspired by the offerings of Korean brands YesStyle and Acubi Club, and American fashion is different. I also knew that the reflection in the mirror would not look like what the photos looked like because I’m Irish-German-Canadian and not Korean, I am built differently. That was fine. I’m also not the same size as most K-pop idols because I’m not in my late teens-early twenties, plus the addition of age, stress, and developing intolerance to milk and casein protein, my body put on some weight. I’m not happy about it but I’m working on it so that I can lose the weight and keep it off.

With all that in mind, I forgot that there has been a shift in the desired body type since the last time I bought jeans. Slim-thick and curvy hips are out, heroin chic is in. Yikes. I say yikes because the last time this body type was during the y2k era and 2000s, but at least we had stretchy hip hugger jeans. Some of these jeans I tried on that were for Fall 2023 had the 1990s baggy shape but with ridged denim and were cut exclusively for a straight up and down body shape. One of the stores I found the most disappointing was Aeropostale. Now I know this is skewed to junior’s sizing, but it had the most potential because of the aesthetic of the styles they advertized across their store. There is an Acubi and K-fashion vibe to it, including a variety of cargo pants, compared to American Eagle which was also at my outlet but had an entirely different aesthetic. But, Aeropostale was frustrating for one reason alone – inconsistent sizing.

As I combed through the denim offerings, looking for the biggest size to have the most oversized look I could, I overheard a group of high schoolers who had just tried on jeans and were worriedly sifting through the pants for a bigger size. Two to three sizes bigger as the very slim teenagers worried nothing was going to fit them. I should have heeded this warning, but instead I loaded my arm with options and headed to the dressing room, much like Mort as he scampers, unaware up the beach as the shark tried to bite him.

It did not go well. One pair I got somewhat on my body but it was nowhere near close to zippering. The other ones simply would not go over my thighs, the so-called baggy jeans feeling a lot more like a recycled mom jeans pattern from 2019 instead of the baggy skater jeans of the late 1990s and early 2000s. (Trust me, I remember wearing both and the mom jeans were heckin’ uncomfortable.)

Confidence in Tatters

I kept calm and carried on to Wrangler which was a mistake because the women’s jeans were fitted, hourglass-shaped, and no longer stretchy. Can someone explain how curve-hugging jeans are supposed to do that when they are rigid denim? Anyways. The men’s jeans fit fine, but not what I was looking for. With the wind out of my sails, Kyle suggested Old Navy. At this point, I was afraid of jeans and women’s sizing. As I walked through Old Navy I grabbed sizes bigger than I ever tried before, grasping at straws in hopes that something would work. Ironically last season’s jeans gave me what I was looking for. I found success in the clearance section and purchased my Acubi-style jeans for $10. It was a screamin’ deal. It also was an ego gut punch as I bought jeans three sizes up from where I thought I would be. I selected two pairs and they are each a different size yet they fit me the same. Please, make it make sense!

Although I was happy to have found a style dupe, I felt this sense of dread about the other pants in my wardrobe. Was it the clothing or had my body changed again? Were my handcrafted, self-drafted, un-sized clothing pieces wrecking my ability to feel comfortable in standardized sizing? It left me in a terrible headspace where I pinballed between unworthiness and an unhinged desire to punish my body with intense workouts and restrictive diets. All over vanity. I don’t like how easily I put my worth in my outward appearance. This trivial experience weighed on my mind and affected my August.

I no longer wanted to catalog styling my handmade pieces. I felt like hiding from the blog as my inner monologue was pretty nasty towards myself, I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I just wanted to hide until I could force my body into the current shape of the moment. I felt old and fat. I’m neither of those things, but the inner critic consumed me.

The Plan

For the next week, I pushed myself to dial back my bad habits, portion down my plate, and cut back on sweets. I took it a little too far and had to let myself have a cookie because I realized I was spiraling to a really unhealthy place where I believed I needed to earn my food (90s American diet culture, anyone?)

One positive that came from this diet push was to break free from the fear of tracking my calories burned and distance on the exercise bike, instead of it being restrictive I found it motivating. I even reached a pace of 3 min/mile. It was so exciting! The experience showed me that I needed to make simple swaps because my cardio was good and the muscles underneath some of my chubby bits were getting strong, I just needed to tone and get leaner.

Now of course, just as we make progress in life, discouragement rears its ugly head. I cut my leg on the bike so I had to pause riding for a week, which of course broke the habit I built. I began lifting the set of weights we had for exercise instead and hit myself on the shoulder. I got an angry ingrown toenail making my planks painful and a stomach bug to boot. All in the span of 10 days, life is good. But in the meantime I started doing wall sits every day and planks most days. I can do a wall sit for 1 minute to 1 minute and 30 seconds. My plank time has also increased from 30 seconds to a minute. My posture is improving, my mind is growing stronger, and I am seeing results in my arms, legs, and waistline. I don’t mind the portion control at all actually I’ve enjoyed getting healthier and eating more fruit like bananas with my oatmeal. Popcorn is my go-to evening snack and I let myself have a piece of dark chocolate or two in the afternoon slump.

I feel agency again in my own body. I’ve learned that the weight I put on is not out of my control, and I can change the shape of my body with discipline, not restriction and punishment. Exercising is more of a mental thing than a physical task, and when I am struggling to stay motivated to push myself I remind myself that I can do anything for 30 seconds. I’m going to apply that mindset to life when it gets scary.

Pockets Are Friends Not Foes

It should have been a compliment or even a point of affectionate doting that instead of buying shorts from the outlets or the myriad of options online, my husband wanted me to make him a pair of shorts to replace an old pair. Instead, the mere thought filled me with dread. Shorts? Menswear shorts? I can barely make my own shorts! (Not true, I’ve made eleven attempts at this point and only a few tries did not pan out.) I don’t have the right pattern! (Also not true, I do, a very good one that is classic and versatile in silhouette for pants and shorts.)

Both of us could see through my excuses and my lame attempt at avoiding a task that would make me grow and apply the skills I have learned this year. A good thing to do. Economical and customizable. A win-win scenario. I was feeling confident. His encouragement and confidence in me was brimming. The fabric selected a quality, not too heavy cut of canvas material. And yet, my overachieving penchant to be the best pushed me forward, to the pages of Mood’s online store. Another two cuts of fabric were ordered in a sturdy striped shirting of gray and another of green.

Yet they sat in my stash as I pondered. I hemmed and I hawed, until one day the pattern called to me from my sewing stash. Afraid I would deny the voice for another month, on that June day I cleared my table and grabbed my scissors ready for a fabric fight. I carefully spread the fabric across the horizontal expanse and with purpose, I dug out the first pattern piece. The front, cut two, mind the seat curve. Again with the back, the waistband, and then I remembered I promised him pockets. Pockets and a zip fly. Oh dear, how could I forget such a crucial step? In a flurry of tissue paper patterns and fabric scraps, I dug through the bigger offcuts until a pocket was procured. I rinsed and repeated twice until a stack of short building materials and a dusting of scraps fell beneath my feet.

I’m not sure why pockets intimidate me so, I think it could be how they are inserted. You must make them even, strong, and seated on the hips just right so that they tuck into the pants without creating wonky bulk or disturbing the line of the garment. They’re not hard to do with my sewing machine, yet I avoid them like a wasp flying at my head. Zippers too create such a fine finish, compared to the chore that is buttons and buttonhole creation, yet I’ve stayed away from those two in 2023. I think we get into comfort zones and become afraid of stepping out, even though we have the skills and are fully prepared for the next step, we just forget to move. It’s a shame because, without those friendly pushes from people who love us, we may never venture into a new great thing.

I’m glad Kyle believed in me and didn’t let me avoid this project because these shorts gave me such a sense of accomplishment! I now want to insert pockets into the garments chose not to, mostly my own clothes. I want to sew with more care moving forward so that the items I make have more polish. My skillset is leveled up to do this, I don’t have to hide in simple projects anymore. Pockets are friends, and zippers are a fun challenge. Buttonholes are still foes though, at least for now.

Who Are You Listening To?

After Daniel and some prayer for direction, I landed on 1 Corinthians as the next place in the Bible I felt the Lord leading me to wander through. The first chapter of 1 Corinthians, a familiar book, really stuck out to me; honestly, I haven’t been seeing things the same way since. I’ll explain.

A little background on this book and my faith journey, when I was a kid I got this book and the book of Chronicles confused all the time although they are about vastly different things. The Corinthians being addressed here are members of a church in Corinth, an ancient city located in south-central Greece. This is one of two letters written to the church by Paul. He knew the people and addressed specific issues being raised in communication between him and the members. It is also a look into how the early church navigated living in a multi-cultural world in the Roman Empire that was not a Christian culture. It is an example the modern church can use to look to for direction in our current-day issues that are not unlike the ones faced by the Corinthian believers because we are all fallen humans, so there are bound to be problems in how we live in community together.

Therein is the rub. Some modern believers take the conversations in the letters of Paul verbatim and copy and paste the ancient scenario into their current day with mixed results, sometimes as a weapon and sometimes in love, it’s a complex thing that gets oversimplified based on who is teaching it. Actually, it sounds a lot like the passage I read in 1 Corinthians 1:10-17.

I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.  For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers. What I mean is that each one of you says, “I follow Paul,” or “I follow Apollos,” or “I follow Cephas,” or “I follow Christ.” Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?  I thank God that I baptized none of you except Crispus and Gaius,  so that no one may say that you were baptized in my name.  (I did baptize also the household of Stephanas. Beyond that, I do not know whether I baptized anyone else.) For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel, and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

1 Corinthians 1: 10-17 ESV

I tend to be less excited when I start reading through a book of the Bible when it is a book that pastors and teachers seem to loop through, like the gospels, 1 & 2 Corinthians, Romans, Acts, 1&2 Thessalonians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians and 1&2 Timothy, etc because those sermons feel like they are washed across the pages like a lacquer keeping me from getting in the pages and their intrinsic message from God. The new level of podcasts and social media commentary on the Bible being shared at rapid fire is making it worse in my opinion. There are so many people’s hands on it and their words of interpretation live rent-free in our heads more than God’s understanding.

Now I’m not trying to pick, obviously, the word needs to be taught and all these tools we have at our disposal should be utilized instead of ignored. People are literally doing their best and I appreciate them for the work that they do and acknowledge that it’s a tough thing to understand and teach. I guess what struck me from a place of frustration was the inward conviction of – well if you weren’t understanding My Word through the words of other people and were following me first, the teaching and opinions of others second, maybe you wouldn’t have this problem, hm? Ouch. Yeah, I’m guilty of that. But thankfully those kinds of moments of conviction from the Holy Spirit are an invitation to dive deeper, there is a way forward to get back on track and I love that about the Lord. He never leaves us where he finds us, we choose not to move forward but His hand is always open to take the next step.

This was kind of a short reflection on my read through 1 Corinthians 1, but I hope that it encourages you in its conciseness. What I gleaned from it was simple. Follow me.

I hope wherever you are you are safe, loved, and know that your creator sees you. You are special. ❤ Until next time.

My 1920s Football Sweater Dream and The Banshees of Inisherin

I have a history with 1920s fashion, 1920s Ireland, and 20th-century football at Geneva College. My first successfully hand-knit sweater is a blend of all these flavor notes. As I consider how this piece came to be, it truly feels like the best possible way to write a love letter to the things that have become a piece of me, whether through ancestry or by my own seeking out, it is my beginning spark that pulled me into the world of designing knitwear.

1927: The Athletic Uniform

I’ve been knitting for a decade now with degrees of success. I’ve kept to the small projects. Things like scarves, hats, mug warmers, a tea cozy, and tried my hand at mittens. There have been attempts at sweaters and even an oversized cardigan that turned out okay, but not what I had hoped. But then a movie was made that created exactly what I was looking for, they even made them by historical techniques and by hand. That movie is Martin McDonagh’s The Banshees of Inisherin.

Sweaters of The Banshees of Inisherin

The collar, the shoulders and silhouette of these pieces of knitwear look pulled out of a vintage collection of 1920s extant garments. Because they made these for the movie, it gave me hope that I could capture something historical from the weaving of my needles. This is what I came up with:

Originally, my plan for this sweater was to recreate a sweater I bought from H&M in 2011. I loved the striped boxy shape and easy to pair because of the neutral color story. I was knitting the body while I watched The Banshees of Inisherin for the first time and was taken aback by the knitwear of Padraig O’Sullibhean’s character. It was rugged, cozy, and yet practical in a beautiful celtic sea blue, almost teal hued wool yarn.

With only the body finalized and a sleeve on my needles, I realized I could pivot. I craved the chance to make something like the 1920’s football sweaters of Geneva’s yearbooks but I also wanted to capture the old style of sweater making from the early 20th century. Being from Irish descent, with my ancestors being from the O’Sullibhean clan out of Cork, it seemed like the stars aligned on this project. So I pivoted and widened the shoulders to look more inline with football attire. I added a longer ribbing to the bottom for a vintage feel and lastly I recreated the open collar of Padraig’s sweater.

The finished project perfectly marries the football feel with the connection to the past I desired, wrapped up in a sweater silhouette that I hope more people attempt. Historically inspired knitting was a blast. It also stands out which makes me happy. ☺️

After ten years, I finally did it! Knitting this, my first successful sweater, by my own drafted pattern was even sweeter. Thank you reader, for letting me share this project with you. It is one of my favorites.

Genuine Moments

I used to be a regular Youtube viewer, especially as a broke newlywed, free content on Youtube was a must compared to paying for streaming or cable. In the mid-to-late 2010s, it was a happening place filled with adventure and wonder. Some of my favorite channels during that time were ones that have gone on to big success, the trap of overconsumption of ideas, just plain fell apart or have run out of ideas.

These channels covered the things I was yearning for – adventure with my best friend, the fun of trying new things and translating fashion knowledge to real life. The videos back then were less planned, and more chaotic, and felt like you, as the viewer, were their plus one coming along for the ride. Along the way though, things have changed. Maybe I’ve changed, maybe they changed, or simply just the world is a different place. But there is something different about Youtube videos, a magic spark is gone.

It could be the sponsorships and the AdSense money that has made it less genuine. Or maybe it’s the success of the channel that actually ruins the genuine moments of those early videos? Like there’s a chasm between the viewer and the content due to unbelievably or fakeness because this is a production now! That kind of thing irks me.

I find myself opening the app, scrolling through my subscriptions, and then switching to YouTube Music to watch a music video if I watch anything. It’s just stale. The videos from these old favorites are monotonous, uninspired, and unwatchable. Of course, I’ve moved on to new channels, but even with these new options, Youtube is not the happening place it used to be. I feel the same way about Instagram too. Any hold it used to have on me for scrolling thankfully is lifted and if I am going to waste time on a device, it is usually running across my island on ACNH.

So, why am I rambling about this? Well, I was struck this morning by such a genuine moment on social media from Yuu’s Adventures. It filled me with warmth and I wanted to share these genuine and wholesome places on Youtube that I hang out in now. Because I realized the magic spark is not over, it’s just in some new haunts.

  • Yuu’s Adventures – Warm welcome to Japan and its culture. Educational, heartwarming, and down-to-earth. Yuu’s storytelling pulls you in.
  • The Fast Lane – This channel is OG Top Gear UK if it was in Colorado. Real consumer advice, cheap car challenges, epic road trips.
  • The Wads – Kimberly Whisk will melt your heart. When I miss my grandma, I watch Kim. She has been a mini-mentor to help me find my footing as a wife and woman as life goes on after disappointment.
  • The Maine Woods – Cory & Gracie are heartwarming. Cory restores cabins and explores the woods of Maine with his trusty black lab, Gracie. She is an expert at finding Moose sheds.
  • Simple Living Alaska – Eric and Arielle share recipes, show how they build things, and share their adventures in Alaska living simply. They’re not selling you anything.
  • Geography King – As Kyle (that’s his name, not my husband) puts it, this is a place to find geography videos from a nerdy type perspective.
  • Kogarana’s Bunny Popo Channel – This is pure cuteness. The owner, Popo-chan the bunny, and Peto-kyun the cat, make some of the most relaxing and comforting content I have seen.
  • Reed Timmer Extreme Meteorologist – passion and real heart, intercepting dangerous storms to study and help people stay safe.
  • Stray Kids’ Vlogs – Are you feeling lonely? Here are eight new friends/brothers to keep you entertained. Join the family and let the laughter ensue. In their spare time, they make music.

I hope this brings a little sunshine to your day. 🌞 Stay tuned for knitting and sewing posts coming soon! I’ve been quite busy knitting up a storm. Until next time! 💓

Start of Something New

The process of trying something new is a strange thing. It is a step into the unknown that can be filled with excitement and trepidation. Trying something new involves getting used to a new normal or getting the hang of a new skill. You open yourself to the heights of success and the depths of failure’s despair.

When it is an experience, you have the memories, and when it is a new product what do you have left other than an item you don’t want anymore and less money in your bank account.

That’s what I am muddling through on this bright August morning – how to make sense of my experience this weekend. I bought a new product, several new products that were supposed to improve a monthly experience and they were less than underwhelming.

There was the initial excitement of shopping for the item. The hours of product reviews and research to find the right option. The excitement and hope as I opened the package that this would be as life-changing as they promised. The first try of success, the ease with which this new thing was being used. It was groundbreaking until it wasn’t.

The next day there was a failure, upon failure. This wonder item was no longer a wonder but a black spot on my palm. It drug me to the depths of disappointment and dashed my hopes upon the rocks. Waves of emotion, including a few curses washed over the day.

A day later, with a good night’s sleep and hopefully a clearer head, I try again. Instructions steeped in my mind I set out to make this blasted thing work like the product reviews. I want to be as happy as them. I give it another go, and immediately it is difficult.

But the instructions say there is a learning curve, you have to keep practicing! Let us help you with our customer service tips! Except you actually feel bombarded with more information than you know what to do with. So I keep going.

They give back, I’m doing a good thing, right? Right! You tell yourself. It’s better for the environment, but it’s damaging my calm. Keep going, you tell yourself.

It keeps getting worse, yet I keep going learning into that learning curve, with outstretched arms I want to learn this skill. Be a part of the new normal, until the failure literally slaps me and you better believe it hurts.

The wonderful promise in tatters and the guaranteed experience of better is making you see red. What was the purpose of it all? It was the start of something new.

Daniel 3

That’s right – I finished my read of Isaiah! I’m so pumped to be done because that was not light reading. But I’m excited to be in a new book of the Bible after 66 chapters of history and prophecy. It’s like finishing a Dostoyevsky novel and picking up a Jane Austen, the Austen looks like a breeze after 800 pages. Anyways, I prayed about where I should go next and I felt led to read the book of Daniel.

This book is pretty well known in pop culture, I’m sure if you haven’t read the Bible you are aware of the story of Daniel and the lions’ den. One of my favorite Bible stories comes from this book, from chapter three, the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. For a little context, this story takes place in Babylon while the Kingdom of Judah is in captivity in the Babylonian Empire. They were conquered and taken from their home to serve a foreign oppressor, the people of Judah were not in a place of power and so to encounter such boldness in the hearts of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in such an uncomfortable situation is astonishing to me. I want to be more like them, and if I’m being honest, I hope I never have to experience the persecution they go through in this story because it is downright terrifying. Let’s jump in!

King Nebuchadnezzar made an image of gold, whose height was sixty cubits and its breadth six cubits. He set it up on the plain of Dura, in the province of Babylon. Then King Nebuchadnezzar sent to gather the satraps, the prefects, and the governors, the counselors, the treasurers, the justices, the magistrates, and all the officials of the provinces to come to the dedication of the image that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up.  Then the satraps, the prefects, and the governors, the counselors, the treasurers, the justices, the magistrates, and all the officials of the provinces gathered for the dedication of the image that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up. And they stood before the image that Nebuchadnezzar had set up. And the herald proclaimed aloud, “You are commanded, O peoples, nations, and languages,  that when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, you are to fall down and worship the golden image that King Nebuchadnezzar has set up.  And whoever does not fall down and worship shall immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace.” Therefore, as soon as all the peoples heard the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, all the peoples, nations, and languages fell down and worshiped the golden image that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up.
Therefore at that time certain Chaldeans came forward and maliciously accused the Jews. They declared to King Nebuchadnezzar, “O king, live forever!  You, O king, have made a decree, that every man who hears the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, shall fall down and worship the golden image.  And whoever does not fall down and worship shall be cast into a burning fiery furnace.  There are certain Jews whom you have appointed over the affairs of the province of Babylon: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. These men, O king, pay no attention to you; they do not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”
 Then Nebuchadnezzar in furious rage commanded that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego be brought. So they brought these men before the king. Nebuchadnezzar answered and said to them, “Is it true, O Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the golden image that I have set up?  Now if you are ready when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, to fall down and worship the image that I have made, well and good. But if you do not worship, you shall immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace. And who is the god who will deliver you out of my hands?”
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter.  If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”
Then Nebuchadnezzar was filled with fury, and the expression of his face was changed against Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He ordered the furnace heated seven times more than it was usually heated.  And he ordered some of the mighty men of his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and to cast them into the burning fiery furnace.  Then these men were bound in their cloaks, their tunics,their hats, and their other garments, and they were thrown into the burning fiery furnace.  Because the king’s order was urgent and the furnace overheated, the flame of the fire killed those men who took up Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, fell bound into the burning fiery furnace.
Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up in haste. He declared to his counselors, “Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?” They answered and said to the king, “True, O king.”  He answered and said, “But I see four men unbound, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.”
Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the door of the burning fiery furnace; he declared, “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out, and come here!” Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego came out from the fire.  And the satraps, the prefects, the governors, and the king’s counselors gathered together and saw that the fire had not had any power over the bodies of those men. The hair of their heads was not singed, their cloaks were not harmed, and no smell of fire had come upon them.  Nebuchadnezzar answered and said, “Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who has sent his angel and delivered his servants, who trusted in him, and set aside the king’s command, and yielded up their bodies rather than serve and worship any god except their own God. Therefore I make a decree: Any people, nation, or language that speaks anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego shall be torn limb from limb, and their houses laid in ruins, for there is no other god who is able to rescue in this way.”  Then the king promoted Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the province of Babylon.

Daniel 3

The part of the story that stuck out to me in my reading this morning was Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego’s response to the incredible peer pressure and martial law to comply by force with the decree to bow and worship. At first, it seems like they make a snap decision to not comply, yet as the text says they were brought to this statue, they actually had time to prepare for this moment, which is evident in how they respond. Being taught this story as a child I thought these guys were like superheroes, with incredible strength to stand up to this egotistical king. Still, actually, as an adult with more maturity and wisdom, I see it as the preparation that made them strong. It was not by their own might, but God’s power and provision leading them. They were submitting their ways to God’s law and His plan.

In the previous chapter, God creates the opportunity that leads to their promotion to this position where they would be invited to such an event, this was part of His plan. Now if Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego had reacted out of emotion they would not be prepared for the task before them. If they had spent their time leading up to the statue’s dedication worrying, complaining, or simply ignoring it they would not have been indwelled with the Spirit who helped them through this unimaginable trial. But it is obvious that they put on the armor of God before this moment, they went to God for His help and wisdom so that they would know what to say and how to respond.

Their response is too bold to have come from their human wisdom, because who as a mortal being would challenge such a king as Nebuchadnezzar who literally wants to throw people who disagree with him into a fire? We would call him a despot or heinous dictator now who is violating human rights, not a king. Imagine what it must have been like standing up to someone like that. Could you do it on your power? Would your voice be strong? Would you push his buttons like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego’s reply did?

Now with our modern understanding of how hot this fire must have been, hot enough that the servants who put the three into the fire died, it is mind-bogglingly fascinating what happens! Like even with the faith of knowing that the God who created fire has the knowledge of how to protect Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, it is still wild how they survive without any damage. I think that is another reason why this story is such a favorite of mine because it is such a bold display of God’s power. As I go through my day and the distractions of modern life cloud my mind, I never forget that God is powerful but it isn’t in the forefront of my mind. This story pulls me out of the noise and brings me back to what is important, God being on your side is all that matters. That’s the difference maker.

Finally, the part of the story that fills me with hope and comfort is when Nebuchadnezzar realizes there are four men in the fire, and they are unbound, alive, and honestly thriving. Why? Because Jesus came. He was standing next to them in the fire. He protected them, freed them, and nothing can separate them from Him who rescues us.

It’s pretty awesome. So when life gets out of hand, I need to remember this. Thank you reader for letting me share my favorite story with you.

You Are Loved

List 10 things you know to be absolutely certain.

1. You are special.

2. There is no one like you.

3. You were created for a purpose.

4. You are seen.

5. You are known.

6. You are not forgotten.

7. You are beautiful.

8. Your story is not over.

9. You are worthy.

10. You are wanted.

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