Tag: personal development

How I Duplicated My Favorite Pair of Pants

Have you noticed I am not sewing as much as I used to? As Marie Kondo instructs, if it doesn’t bring you joy, let it go. That’s been my relationship with sewing, honestly, since 2024. Sewing and I had hit a rough patch in our relationship. No longer in the euphoric beginning, nor going deeper and bonding through the big sewing wins. We were burned out in the grind of sewing, striving to be better but lacking the proper knowledge to do so. Therefore, we’ve been on a break – off and on since 2025, and it’s been good.

It’s given me time to reflect on what I want to pursue, sewing, specializing, and what I feel like I should make because of the internet. It’s given me time to ponder what drives me to make my own clothes. When I began sewing, I was intrigued by historical styles, and then I drifted into more feminine items like dresses, blouses, and skirts. Shorts and pants were made and quickly cut up for scrap because they were such enigmas for my mind to understand. On this break, I’ve given myself room to figure out what I like to wear, which is key to sewing your own clothes. You can chase all the trendy patterns and styles, but if you don’t want to wear them, then you have a very expensive wardrobe of your own sweat equity that is useless to you. My desire was to break this cycle.

Going into 2023, I wasn’t sure what to make anymore or what I wanted to sew, but I felt this compulsion to keep going because I was so committed to this new hobby. A hobby I wanted to become my future career. It’s been in the midst of the slowdown that my artistic point of view has recalibrated. I like pants (trousers), overalls (dungarees), denim (dungarees), comfortable silhouettes like that of Lucy & Yak, and that is what I want to make.

This has only intensified since the Trad Wife trend co-opted the flouncy dresses, giving me the ick at the thought of associating with something I have always strived to avoid. Growing up in communities dominated by the Reformed Presbyterian church (a denomination I do not belong to and never shall) and Christian Nationalism spreading its snakey tendrils throughout the Christian bubble – I want nothing to do with the Trad Wife and all it represents.

That brings us to the present day, March 2026. After 2 years of sitting in my fabric stash, I finally started to cut the trouser fabric I bought to make my own pants in 2024. Too intimidated by my own past failure, I let it hide in my crafting closet, all of 2025, for fear of failing again. I did fail at pants in September 2025 with another fabric, so it was not unfounded fear. But what is the point of living in fear, especially for something so small? Would I learn that I am not very good at sewing? Sure, and who cares?! Is crafting a competition? No. It’s about making incremental steps towards success through practice.

For my birthday, Kyle gave me two garments from Lucy & Yak, something I had dreamed of since 2019. A pair of denim dungarees and a pair of corduroy pants. And you know what I thought of looking at them folded? What a lovely thing to take a pattern from. Use brown craft paper or wrapping paper, and feel free. I traced methodically, marking the seam allowance, and back from the front pattern piece. I carefully laid out my pattern, mirroring the right and left pieces for the front and back. Then, over two weeks, I slowly sewed these pants together by hand with a fresh sewing needle, which makes all the difference. Don’t be cheap like I used to be; buy new needles regularly to save your hands. Sew with courage, because this might be the time it all clicks. What if you never let yourself succeed? That would be more terrible than failing again at doing the hard thing.

I wish you happy sewing and good-fitting pants that make you smile every time you wear them.

Catch of the Day Sweater

In 2025, sardines and other tinned fish became more than just food; they appeared on beaded bags, shirts, and prints. They also made their way to the fiber arts community, which inspired me to make a fish print sweater for Kyle, who enjoys fishing IRL and in video games. I just like the video game version.

The Design Concept

When planning a garment with a colorwork motif, I always consider scale, placement, and repetition. To do this, I use what I learned in art class many years ago – the seven fundamentals of art. So I consider line, shape, color, value, form, texture, and scale. In the catch-of-the-day sweater, it was important to make the fish wearable and to ensure good form and function. How do I make the fish on this sweater make sense? I decided to hang freshly caught fish on the sweater to help with the scale of the art. I placed them in the center, on the front, only to keep the perspective of this in focus. I thought placing more fish would become overwhelming to the eye and become unwearable.

Adding more fish would have required adjusting the scale and the color, meaning I would have simplified the sweater down to two yarn colors only, with sections of fair isle colorwork, which is a smaller, more concentrated technique. But I like the color contrast of using two colors, representing two types of fish with slightly different scale patterns. How big is too big? How do you represent a fish, with their scales and texture? For this, I went to Pinterest to find cross-stitch or knitting colorwork charts for inspiration. I believe I settled on a cross-stitch pattern because it had the detailed lines and scale I was looking for. I wanted the fish to look realistic, although it could be in an imagined world like Animal Crossing New Horizons or Stardew Valley. Whimsical? I think that is the best way to sum it up.

To make my pattern, I used the cross stitch reference and transferred it to graph paper by hand, tweaking some areas to make the inspiration my own. I did this in the same application for my Red Velvet Cosmic Knit Tank project. Next, I needed to determine the scale of the fish within the sweater pattern. It’s important to plan out how many stitches you need to complete the colorwork section across your rows and keep it centered. To do this, subtract the number of stitches in your colorwork pattern from the number of stitches in your row. Divide the sum by two and adjust to keep the stitches on either side equal, to keep the pattern centered. It is also important to note how tall the color work pattern is compared to the garment you are knitting, to allow enough room above and below that the graphic motif makes sense and doesn’t look misplaced on the garment. I think I literally held my pattern up to Kyle’s chest to figure it out.

Fiber Content

For this sweater, I went in a different yarn direction to try something new. I chose a wool and acrylic blend from Knit Picks called Mighty Stitch. It was underwhelming. The yarn, while soft, pills something fierce. It is also a slim worsted weight, which was exaggerated by the large needle size I used – US 10 or 6 mm. This created a breathable, airy sweater, but dang, did it throw off my pattern and design. Eventually, I had to face my fate – I was running out of yarn, and my panel was too narrow. Not exactly the outcome you want after spending a week on the front panel with the intricate fish design. I would rather start over than frog the color work, always.

I had some decisions to make. I originally purchased the Mighty Stitch on sale, but when I ran out of yarn, it was not on sale, and I wasn’t interested in doubling the price of this already too expensive project that was in the process of failing. So like Miss Frizzle recommends, I got ready to “Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!” I went to my closet of yarn and fabric and began to dig through the stash for something else I could introduce into the design. I found a warm-toned gray and neutral black yarn from Big Twist that was also worsted weight. Because the Mighty Stitch is a washable yarn, I felt comfortable combining the two yarns. I had already introduced acrylic yarn to the project through the mint and teal fish, using scrap Big Twist for those sections. Always check your fiber content, though, to avoid incompatible fibers that will make the project hard to care for over time.

Making a Change

The original design was changing from color palette to overall concept. This sweater would need to have color blocking sections now, to stretch the main green color. I decided to not only change up the design, but to change up my technique, opting for crochet on the sleeves to make the sleeves go faster. Knitting is a slow craft, and for some reason, knitted garments for Kyle have this curse of going horribly wrong and also knitting up slowly because of the hiccups. I wanted him to be able to wear this sweater for the bulk of the winter season of 2025-2026, and I was knitting this in August-October, so I took a shortcut. But in my defense, the texture of the sleeves, ironically, looks like fish scales to me. Especially with the gray and black colors!

The second change I made was adding width to the sides of the front panel to make the sweater a drop shoulder. I then knit the back panel wider from the start, and added a section of gray on the middle to upper back panel. It adds a nice contrast to the overall composition of the sweater, while making the sleeves feel cohesive.

Men vs Women Shoulder Shaping

The shoulders gave me such grief in this project! I’m used to making sweaters for myself and my female form. The bust makes the shoulders rest differently than I realized, and this came back to bite me. For a man’s sweater, the back needs to be longer. Especially the shoulder section on the back of the sweater is going to ride up the back, and be too long in the front. This happened, and I was bamboozled on how to fix it. Enter short row shaping and the principles of perspective and scale.

I learned that I needed to add short rows, meaning only working a section across a row to add length to a specific portion of the back panel, the back middle. To do this, you work back and forth on the section, evenually go back to working across the entire row. In addition, I made the back collar and back ribbing longer to compensate. These simple changes made the sweater appear the same length back and front, draping across the shoulders pleasantly, even if one side was technically longer. It doesn’t matter because of the role of perspective. Magic!

Final Thoughts

I learned a tremendous amount of knowledge from the Catch of the Day sweater, and I am grateful it all came together in the end to make a sweater that Kyle enjoys wearing. I have saved my patterns to attempt this again in the future with better yarn and proper dimensions to make the pattern fit well from the start, instead of scrambling to adjust at the end.

Maybe Fiction Isn’t the Best Way to Express the Art?

With a new year comes new goals, like should I get organized and make this the year I return to writing as my full-time focus? I’ve been mulling over this for the past six months. I started watching more book-focused media and picked up physical books again, all in the quest to jump back into fiction writing after a one-time try in 2017 – also known as Udal Cuain. It was the ultimate escape during a time when every part of my life was falling apart, and we were struggling. My family was struggling; it was isolating, but instead, I crafted a world that I could escape into. I couldn’t afford therapy, so I wrote about what was on my mind. And it helped. It felt like a high I had never experienced before, but then it stopped helping. Life got a lot more complicated, but also better, more on track, and I walked away from it. Then I lost the draft for 6 years until I found it last January.

Life has been messy again, and the world feels like it is literally on fire, and I can feel the pull to want a coping mechanism.

This is where our story begins.

As I share often on this blog, I have become a sewist and fiber artist. I began this journey to a career pivot after a layoff in 2020, and it has become my whole world, particularly knitting and crochet. I find the more I dive into the craft of yarn, the more I feel creative release and the ability to tell stories with my stitches. You can even protest with it. I have been a visual artist my whole life, the frequency depending on how many notebooks, pencils, or paints I have access to. It is my first love. So where does writing fit in?

I was always a writer who enjoyed essays. I like writing about something, researching the subject, and I adore historical research. I enjoyed poetry in school, but my affection for literature came much later. Mainly by force, if you want to take AP English, you must read this many books over the summer. I’m still not the most passionate reader, I definitely take breaks between reading sprints, and sometimes I won’t pick up a book for months, because my hands are always busy with a project. This has put my desire to write another novel, a more polished one, in conflict with my life and potentially my calling.

This week, I sat down to brainstorm another round of novel ideas. This is my third or fourth round of this since 2023. Every time, I think of some good options, narrow my list down, start plotting, and hit a wall. My heart is not in it. I don’t see the characters or care to take my time to meet them. I want to get on with it and then analyze the deeper meaning. The other thing that happens regularly is that I freeze, and I think about how the world has changed since 2017 – mainly BookTok.

I don’t read Romantasy, I’m not going to write spice because that’s not my interest. Don’t look to me for trauma or disturbing plot lines; I don’t want to write that. I am white, cis, and straight, so will I offend by not having representation? I also don’t have the proper experience to offer diverse representation. I don’t know what I have to say in a book, like in a bigger picture – I don’t know what the deeper meaning is that I am looking to point to that I couldn’t just write about in an essay or create with visual or fiber art. This is where the title should start making sense. I don’t think worldbuilding and dialogue are my paint and canvas, and I don’t think we spend enough time considering where our gifts are best suited right now because of social media content.

We are so concerned with getting our work plugged into the algorithm, jumping on trends, cross-posting, and getting successful that we aren’t considering if the medium is best for our art. We are trying to fit in, and that’s killing creativity and the editing eye to know that’s not for me. I feel like it is obvious now, since reflecting on why I have writer’s block, but taking the time to look objectively feels so hard to do when we are fighting the AI monster. But it is okay to specialize. It is okay to find your niche and not appeal to everyone. It is better to work within your wheelhouse and say something authentically you and express it in a medium that feels true to yourself than worry about keeping up with others.

Maybe the best thing we can do as creative people is edit and focus on where we feel the most alive. I feel the most alive planning a personal knitting project that features motifs that represent my life and my loves. I love blogging and talking about serious things, not in literary techniques but in societal critique. I spent the day today, sketching and drafting pet portraits, and I am the most relaxed I have been in months. It’s the same high I felt writing Udal Cuain. I didn’t feel that way while brainstorming a novel. I felt nervous. So I don’t think it’s for me anymore.

Have you ever fallen into this trap? How did you find your way out? Thanks for spending time with me today. Until next time. Stay safe out there and know you are loved.

Why I Quit the Clique and Cliche of Twenty One Pilots

So it’s 2026, and if you’re online, there is a good chance you have seen the 2026 to 2016 posts. The nostalgia for 2016 is real, even making me look at one of the most volatile years of my life through rose-colored glasses. But even though the 2010s were full of change for me, beginning with my junior year of high school, and ending with 2019, globally leading us into the pandemic. How weird is that? I got my license, my high school diploma, traveled to Europe, graduated from college, got married, moved out, had my first job (more like jobs), tried to have a career, reunited with my dad, met my siblings, moved out of state, wrote a novel, and lost several loved ones in 2016. My family fractured – it was so much personal change! But even so, I miss the optimism of the hipster era. I miss the simplicity of the pre-AI era and the pre-social media domination of our world. We were less logged in, less screen addicted. I’ve been drawn to watching Portlandia again, yearning for a coffee shop to spend the day in while listening to indie music, a simpler time. This week, I’ve found myself walking down memory lane in the form of 2010’s alternative music. Bands I haven’t thought of for a decade – The Joy Formidable, Phantogram, Joywave, Bear Hands, Sir Sly, etc. But one band, I determined in this holiday, into nostalgia I will not listen to again, even though they were a band I loved in the 2010s – Twenty One Pilots.

This is a bit of an oddball post. I haven’t listened to Twenty One Pilots since 2018, but for a three-year stretch, they were my favorite band. I collected merch, CDs, and ate up the lore. The para-social relationship was built on mental health struggles, faith, and being “quirky” felt comfortable. I mean, this was the mid-2010s and the height of the “not like other girls” trope. I relished in the alternative feel of their music, what I now understand to be noise music, and the darkness I felt in my own life craved the outlet to plug into. Josh understood my shyness, and Tyler understood the anxiety and depression I was feeling at the time. It felt safe because they were “Christians” and their music had “biblical references,” but they were also questioning everything and challenging the void. I didn’t see at the time how much un-aliving yourself idealization there was in the nihilistic moments of their music. The more I listened to their music, the more depressed I felt, and that is where I began to wake out of the dream I was walking in. I haven’t seen them or their music the same way since.

I think right now, with all the ways Christianity is being watered down, misused for political manipulation, and trampled upon by religious fundamentalists, I don’t want to listen to a band that is “somewhat Christian” again. That is not an estimation of their music either; that is what I found when I looked at the TOP subreddit today. That sentiment reminded me of what turned me off the most from their music, Tyler’s waffling. Or should I say deconstructing? That was another discussion I found on the subreddit. Now it is only fair to discuss this, with my own struggles out in the open. There were some things that came to light in recent months about someone I know, who is a pastor, which contradict the Bible, and it made me furious. Combine that with the DHS sharing misquoted scripture to claim their racism and violence as a “holy” thing turned me into this character.

What has my spiritual life been like in 2025 and now in 2026? Clinging to who I know God is in the midst of all these evil, power-hungry syncophants. Have I been reading my Bible daily? No, I have been a slacker. Have I been praying consistently? Yes, more than I have been reading my Bible. Have I been avoiding Christian culture? Yes. Where have I found myself gravitating towards? People who are acting out their faith and non-believers acting in ways that mirror what the Bible calls us to do. Never in this muck and mire have I wanted to imagine a world without God. If anything, it has made me crave God’s presence in this world with more frequency. It has to be a real connection. Faith is not a feeling, and it is not something you choose one day and rip apart the next. It calls for trust and for submission to align every part of your life under what you believe in. Faith is telos. Faith does not exist in a vacuum, nor do our relationships. Some days, having faith in good triumphing over evil feels like an extremely radical thing. There is no space for indecision.

Now, Tyler is allowed to feel and think what he wants, as long as he is not hurting anyone. I don’t care. But do I think he is a good example? No. There is an immaturity to his faith. A fence sitting that is only hurting him. As Earl Smooter says in Sweet Home Alabama, “You can’t ride two horses with one ass, sugarbean.” My need for conciseness and clarity is, for sure, part of my neurodivergence. I like it when people communicate directly. Honestly. I prefer the path laid out by another favorite artist.

I give life to my words
(Yeah, I’m doing what I say)
I reach heights from the dirt
(Yeah, I’m doing what I say)
You know I bite the way I bark
(Yeah, I’m doing what I say)
(Doing what I say, doing what I say)

Creed by Stray Kids

Decision matters. Being aligned with what you believe in, in every aspect of your life, which takes being truly honest with yourself, will bring mental peace. Mental peace was something I never personally felt from their music. I could feel the overthinking, tearing at the seams, the complete drifting in the current. It could be dressed up with lore or cringing lyrics, but the identity was never solid. Taking time away from their music gave me such relief. Ironically, my time of being part of the Clique was followed by a period of listening to mostly worship music for a few years before landing in K-pop. I think I personally matured out of the place where the Clique remains, waiting for identity. Where their leader remains. I think it is easier to not confront ourselves than it is, to have these times of personal crossexamination. But I think it’s a poor witness for your faith to never pick a side. How can something so integral to your life, your worldview, be left with unresolved doubt? What a loose end.

Deconstruct with integrity. Affirm your faith with integrity. I’m all in favor of confronting the church for its cowardice over injustice in America. Jesus showed us how. So did his servant Paul. But to leave it as a vague, Blurryface, is immature thinking. Through my research for this post, my searches for a clear answer about Tyler’s faith left me with more questions. Like a politician, it is vague and hard to define. Answers offered were that he can’t put it into words, he is wrestling, still defining, or can’t put it into words. What? More digging led to answers outlining TOP’s music as his way of communicating his search for understanding. To explore doubt by supposing a world without God – well, that’s why I found their music so dark! I am actively shaking my head. Again, there needs to be more maturity in songwriting, creative writing, philosophy – something to explore these themes with more nuance. I am just not impressed. Especially when you contrast Tyler’s exposition of his faith and the world we are living in, to the faith journeys of J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. In summation, I find the faith and doubt of TOP to be cliché and played out. Go deeper. Tell us what you believe in, like fans have requested, concerning the genocide in Gaza.

Now, TOP fans, this is my opinion, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. None of this was written as an attack on you or your favorite group, just my honest reflection on a time of my life where Twenty One Pilots spoke to me. I’d say really the only part of this “lore” I’ve listened to is these four albums – Twenty One Pilots (2009), Vessel (2013), which was my favorite, Blurryface (2015 the album I started with, and Trench (2018), which I disliked so much I sold my concert tickets and donated my merch. You, Clique, have popularity on your side. I know I am in the minority, but I’m also in the minority of thinking Taylor Swift is a terrible songwriter, and that hasn’t stopped me.

What kind of music did you enjoy in the 2010s? Has your music taste changed? Thanks for spending time with me today, dear reader. Until next time ❤

Emotional Endurance, No Cap

What do you do when you need a break, but you can’t? I’ve been wrestling with this for months. It’s been a tricky thing to discuss on here, and without feeling ready to write without revealing too much, I have been spinning on it, to quote NMIXX.

Any time I feel overwhelmed, I take that space. But what if you can’t? Like what if the thing that is weighing on you is as interwoven in your life as a single thread in the warp and weft of your jeans? It’s a tricky one that I don’t think anyone has taught me; it’s just kinda hanging there. We struggle alone, because we are human.

Relationship University

I’ve been thinking alone, pondering my frustrations, my overwhelm, my weariness for a break because I am a neurodivergent, deep-feeling, overthinker. It does not come easy to me to pause, to force my mind to stop and breathe. It’s something I wish we had learned in school. Any of the schooling – elementary, high school, or college? How wonderful would it be to learn about emotional intelligence and algebra? Traumatic stress coping mechanisms and world history? What about grammar and proper communication tools to de-escalate a tense argument? Literally would be life-changing. Meditation with a side of physical education? We mostly played soccer(football) because it was cheap, and it was monotonous. Both Kyle and I would feel less we are drowning in the complications of personal struggles if we had an education in relationships.

We did the brief marriage counseling, sure, which I guess prepares you for marriage? I think getting through the first year is truly what teaches you the most. (We are a few months away from celebrating ten, so we do have some experience.) We also had the years of friendship experiences, some previous dating experiences, and the lifelong knowledge of being part of families – but they don’t prepare you for the stress that comes with multiple, personal struggles that you and your spouse sometimes have to tackle all at the same time, meanwhile life keeps moving forward, and you feel like a hamster in a wheel.

Burnt Out, Like Toast In Obsidian Crumbs

What I felt the most since these stressful situations began to weigh on Kyle and me was the desire to hit pause and process what I was feeling while the world held still. You know? Just a moment, where you could feel without the expectation to be who you are and do the things others depend on you for. Even the little things, you depend on yourself to do. Of course, that feeling grows to a desire to stop the world for days, and escape to a zone where the stressful things can’t bother you. A yearning for the before and a hunger for the after, this is all resolved and back to normal. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the big emotions of personal things that you forget to have fun together. You forget to just be yourself. It’s a bizarre version of your life that doesn’t feel familiar, and I think after months of feeling like this, 2025 ended with me feeling chewed up and angry.

So why do we pretend like this is a normal state of being a responsible adult? Like if I hadn’t decided to stop drinking alcohol in 2021, this season would have been months of riding out a buzz, ignoring my problems, and choosing unhealthy coping mechanisms. Subbing in a source of temporary joy, depending on a thing or a feeling to get you through, is avoiding the inevitable mess that upset you in the first place. But I think this is the box we put ourselves in as adults, to stop from appearing weak or vulnerable. Substitute a drink for a shopping haul, sports betting, s*x, doom scrolling – what I’m talking about is far more common than we admit. So why do I feel so alone in this feeling?

It is still my present burden to bear, Kyle’s present burden to bear. Contrary to the calendar, your problems on Dec 31 are still there when you wake up on Jan 1. Doesn’t that suck? I felt myself wishing more than ever at the end of 2025 that the “fresh start” effect was real. Because life requires emotional endurance with no cap. That is quite difficult for us humans to do. It requires patience, hope, faith, self-control, gentleness, and love. We grow weary, we hide our struggles like they are something to be ashamed of, instead of a common part of life. We are odd creatures. That’s why I decided to share this, because I don’t think we discuss this enough, and I plan to talk about it more.

Marriage is hard, in more ways than I could even comprehend, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible. As we are both kids of divorce, we stubbornly refuse to address the stress that is negatively affecting our relationship because to do so feels like we are already failing, but that’s not true. So I’m writing this for you, the one who feels the weight of their parents’ divorce on all of their relationships, like a curse you are inevitably going to repeat. It’s not true. Keep going and stop bracing for the bottom to drop out, like I waste time waiting for. We are survivors, and we are going to make it through the mess.

More Reflections, A Year With a Bunny Part Two

One year ago, we adopted Mia from a local rabbit rescue. We knew life would change, but we didn’t consider how much we would change and grow from this experience. These are my reflections on how our little house bunny, Mia, has shaped us in our first year together.

Awareness

Today, I accidentally scared Mia. I came downstairs from working out, with music playing on my phone, distracted and not considering the little bunny, snoozing in a deep sleep. As soon as I looked up from my phone, I was highly aware of what my blissful ignorance hath wrought: ears standing tall, eyes wide, and body tense, ready to run at the slightest hint of danger. Before Mia, I was aware of what startled me, but with Mia and her own sensitive ears, it has challenged me to approach life with an even gentler touch. Today was a day I forgot, but with each passing month, these moments of unawareness are decreasing. Getting used to how aware Mia is of her surroundings was intimidating at first. I remember feeling on edge those first weeks, feeling like I was unable to relax – scared to scare Mia – a bit impossible of a standard!

I’ve learned to be quiet, internally and externally. The desire for quiet, for the little prey animal in our midst, has become a craving for quiet coming from a place inside me. What felt like a burden at first has become a blessing, because the awareness of the sound level, the peaceful environment I wish to create for Mia, has become a goal I desire for my own needs. The awareness of the quiet and the peace is something that I need, that Kyle needs. It’s healthier for us, but in this distracted and noise-polluted world, I don’t know if my awareness was going to attune to this again without Mia.

Structure

Mia has a schedule, possibly wearing a little watch somewhere under all that fur. She hops to her dinner spot around 5 pm, and waits for her breakfast starting at 8 am. She knows what time we should go to bed, with a precision I wish I could stick to. I’m not blessed with a sense of schedule. I tend to drift off course, but Mia is teaching me structure, and her needs are reminding me how comforting a schedule can be. Taking care of her is teaching me more about what I actually need to take care of myself in a healthier way. How is this little bunny so wise, so intuitive? The promise to care for her, every day, is a responsibility that I thought would feel heavy and burdensome, but instead, it is a way I have rediscovered purposeful living. I am grateful.

Letting Go

Detachment from physical things is the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn from living with Mia. Mia loves to chew my stuff. She has chewed holes in sentimental blankets, she has forever changed favorite pieces of furniture, and she will take a chunk out of newly made pieces fresh from my workroom. She doesn’t discriminate from store-bought items either – brand new overalls, my phone case, my Nalgene bottle. This has stressed me out. Mia has chewed the couch, a brand new coffee table hand-built by Kyle, the freshly painted baseboards, slippers, and I’m sure there will be more. I’ve gone through the stages of grief. I’ve had moments of intense frustration and questioning it all. But when I committed to adopting Mia, I told myself that I would remember that people are more important than things, and in this case, people and little furry members of the family.

The Floor is Great

I love sitting on the floor. I have always loved sitting on the floor; it grounds my mind – no pun intended. But dating and spending time at future in-law houses and not wanting to be weird, renting with worn wood floors, and moving into adulthood with busy schedules, changed my life from a cozy floor sitter to work chairs and collapsing into couches at the end of the day. Or sitting at my sewing table in a chair with bad posture. I stopped sitting on the floor. But with a rabbit, they like and need you to be on their level. I believe it is essential for bonding with your rabbit. At the beginning, it was hard. It felt unnatural after a decade of not being on the floor. The floor felt hard, unwelcoming. Even with carpet. But after a few months, I felt comfortable. My hips and back hurt less when I spend time on the floor. A year later, I am back to being a floor dweller. Without Mia, would I have ever gone back? I don’t know, but wow, my body feels more comfortable, younger even.

Slow Down, Be Present

The final thing that my rabbit soulmate has taught me this year is to be present and slow down. Mia is already four; she has an estimated lifespan of 12 years, which is not a lot of time when you really care about someone. I don’t want to miss any more moments with her. Kyle and I celebrated 9 years of marriage this year, 11 years together. Time feels like it is flying, and I want to be more present in my relationship with him. My mom and my stepdad are also getting older, and I want to be more present. Mia is teaching me that. Where I can, when I can make the choice to pause what I am doing to spend time with her, and I challenge myself to do so. That has been a challenge. I tend to hyperfixate on projects, which burn me out, but a difficult bad habit to break.

This year, I have created less, but I am feeling the balance being restored to my life. Without Mia hopping over to spend time with me, who knows if I would be shifting my perspective to a healthier state of mind? I can feel my mind and body feeling less stressed. Mia naps a lot, and that is another piece of the slowing-down puzzle that I am learning to accept without guilt. Rest is important. Rest is necessary. Slowing down is good for us. But we resist, because it’s tough to go against the grain. Rest is seen as lazy, even though our bodies and minds get burnt out. Living with Mia is helping me reset those misconceptions and take better care of myself.

Final Thoughts

I would 100% recommend adopting a rabbit if you have been thinking about it. Adopt any pet, actually, or volunteer at a local animal shelter. Do your research and get involved; it will change your life for the better. Animals are so calming. Mia has helped me open up again, in ways I thought I was closed off for good. It’s helped me understand my neurodivergence, my sensitivity, my trauma. She just gets me. She listens, she is there. She has become a best friend, and don’t we all need more of that in our lives? And what about Mia? Well, I’m honored that we got to provide her with her furever home. She has a big space to zoomie around, endless hay, and pets. She gets to watch TV, explore the couch, and have all her toys and treats to herself. She is the center of attention and trusts us. It’s amazing to know a prey animal trusts you. It challenges you to be the best person you can be.

Socks Are Madness

This is a story of a winding road. It is not just passion that makes us try new and difficult things, but also the desire to fit in. Sometimes the road is bumpy, and bumpier still than we expected.

Last winter, I began a journey; at the time, I did not realize how technical this would be, and oh, how I miss the naive wonder of that time. I started my quest to make socks. The sock does not appear technical from the outside. It is a tube of knit fabric which we slip on our feet, most every day. Due to the Industrial Revolution, socks can be knit by machine with ease and speed. This has suspended our connection to the technology that first developed the sock—hand knitting.

In our modern day, socks are affordable and accessible. They are for sale everywhere in a myriad of textures, weights, and styles. We have socks for athleticism, socks for leisure, socks for style. They are boring, mundane Christmas gifts of childhood, and puppets with googly eyes. But what does it take to make a sock by hand?

I gave this a shot last year, and it challenged me! I cataloged my experience in Socks, A Journey, and Socks: An Update, where I began knitting socks flat on straight needles and three months later gave circular knitting a try. My first flat knit socks were made top down, in a tube style that negates the heel flap and requires sewing the sock into a tube. They are loose in fit but warm and great socks to wear around the house. My advanced tries, knitting in the round and turning the heel, were more of an adventure. My tension was tight, and my heel flap a nightmare, unable to be duplicated into a second sock, for how off script my technique became. I didn’t grasp the why of what I was doing and therefore messed up the pattern.

This summer, I went to a local yarn shop where I began my journey to sock more traditionally. I picked up a pair of small-gauge double-pointed needles and sock sock-making kit with proper sock yarn of wool and nylon, to do it “properly” and oh my, did this bomb. The toe-up pattern, new to me from my previous projects that were cuff down, pushed me far out of my depth. I sank instead of swimming. The four double-pointed needles and my uncoordinated hands created tension and laddering in the knit, which looks exactly as it sounds. I tried three times to knit a few centimeters before the stitches fell off the needles, the sock falling off with the stitches. In desperation, as the needles were 29 USD and the sock kit 29 USD, I was feeling very silly and wasteful purchasing new needles and new yarn that I couldn’t do anything with.

So I pivoted to my trusty straight needles until I saw my mom later that weekend, and she lent me a pair of small-gauge, small-circumference needles to finish the sock. Still baffled by the heel flap and the vague instructions on the pattern, I tried German short rows for shaping the heel. In a fortnight, I completed the first of the two socks. I cast off and handed it to Kyle to try on, and the size was all wrong. I tried to frog it back into a skein of yarn, but the splitty yarn tangled, ripped, and became a ball of knots. It was over, and I was furious with myself for wasting time, money, resources, and, honestly, hurting my eyes squinting to see my tiny stitches for almost two weeks to accomplish nothing.

Socks are madness. And maybe I should stop beating myself up about my failure when socks are one of the hardest things to make by hand. I am an overachiever and a perfectionist, so this type of failure cuts me deep. I obsess, I rage, and I fall apart in the madness of learning something that may take years to execute once, not even perfectly. But you know what? I have made good socks before! Comfortable, almost perfect for what I was looking to achieve, socks. But I rejected them as being good because I was embarrassed at how I made them. I didn’t follow the right techniques, I used the “wrong” yarn, and I didn’t turn the heel.

Sometimes I have major imposter syndrome as a knitter. I feel like a fraud because I don’t use the exact same patterns, same tools, same yarn as everyone else on the internet. But why is that a bad thing? I’ve listened to other knitters in podcasts discuss how the sameness of knitting is making it boring. Apparently, at Rhinebeck or other knitting events, it is easy to see the same sweater throughout the sea of people, and that is a new thing. Listening to knitters, who have been knitting long before 2020, when I really started knitting consistently, knitters used to do their own thing. Yarn suggestions in patterns were exactly that – a suggestion.

People were designing more and experimenting instead of knitting in the homogenized way we see today, which is one of the ways I feel like an outsider. I don’t want to knit the same things as everyone else, but I also want to be good at the craft, and it leaves me in this push-and-pull tension. It became clear to me, though, that my search to “fit in” with the proper sock kit and the expensive needles didn’t make me a better maker. It was honestly a bit of a handicap. So I guess my takeaway is to be yourself?

I don’t want to stagnate in my skills, but if I can find my own technique to make socks and other garments with the “non-standard” tools and yarn, then is it really stagnation or just getting creative with where my skill level is at? I’ve been pondering this a lot and have more thoughts on this from both the point of view of a knitter and a sewist. But that will have to wait for next time.

#78 – Can You Feel Optimism in 2025?

This is a bit of a follow-up to my discussion of cultural boredom from earlier this year, a little update to my creative slump, and exciting developments for my hunt to replace my reliable crafting supplies. The world still feels like it is on fire, but I think I am learning how to thrive again. It takes me a long time to process things, so maybe that’s why?

Spaghetti and Gnarly

Le Sserafim released a song that captures the wonderfully nonsensical world of a good K-pop song. Spaghetti is catchy, silly, and makes me crave spaghetti, so that’s what I am cooking tonight. It is what I remember the music videos of K-pop to look like when I took the plunge in 2022. It was fun, and in the last few years, it has lost some of its luster with darker concepts, instead of cute, and a bit uninspired. Although I’m fully into K-pop, it has been repetitive and bland for most of 2025. Except for my favorites – Stray Kids and Nmixx. Enter Gnarly by Katseye. A song that is so jarring it’s bad but also amazing, it’s been a weird one for me, the thesis of this year, it has felt like. “Everything is gnarly.” A phrase that has carried me through bizarre headlines and life’s bumpy road this year. For me, Gnarly was going to be the song that typified what I remember feeling in 2025, until Bleep by Stray Kids dropped in August. But now, I hope I will remember moments that feel like the upbeat wonder of Spaghetti. What about Golden? I desperately need to compile notes for K-pop Demon Hunters because that has been such a gift.

Big Twist at Michaels

Big Twist is back at Michaels, for real, and it’s kind of silly to admit this, but it feels comforting. There’s a Joann Knit and Sew Shop section in the store, and like, maybe it was a bad dream? I mean, all the crafting drama definitely happened this year between private equity, tariffs, and Sci Show declaring the arrival of physicists to help the knitters. The familiarity was maybe all my neurodivergent mind needed to just relax a bit? Now the fabric is not good, but it could get better in time. I’m choosing to be hopeful, I mean, the recent US election showed a strong rejection of the Trump Administration, so as people have said all year, if it can get worse, it can get better. And for me, who hates change with a passion, I’ve learned that if it disappears, it can come back. I just need to work on my patience. I have found a second local yarn store in my own state, and a great local fabric shop. I’d say I’m pleased to the point that I am not missing Joann like I thought I would.

Stitches for Identity

I believe I am finally moving out of the depressed forest that is being laid off due to personal and global trauma. I’ve been listening to Kitchen and Jorn’s Losing Followers Podcast, where they have been talking through the post-Buzzfeed time of their careers. I was in a toxic job at Great Dane Trailers in the late 2010s, and it was freeing yet terrifying to lose that job. Listening to Jen and Kristin talk through the transition of leaving a job that demanded all of them, to be free from that monster, but also lose all connection to the project they built from the ground up, has been a balm to me. When I was laid off, I lost my app and my content calendar, my magazine contribution. I was wrecked, and I didn’t know how to process that for years. I felt like a loser. I dove into crafting, and for years, those stitches of thread and yarn gave me meaning.

The blog, though, and finally this year uploading my manuscript to this website this year connected me back to what makes me feel like me. I have always been drawn to writing, and not having that or a way to work towards something bigger than just sharing my creations on social media was gnarly. But this blog and your community have helped me find my way back. I mean, heck, Udal Cuain and my original blog, where I shared chapters, was the portfolio that landed me the corporate job. Although it’s gone, what I learned and experienced stayed with me and has made me grow into who I am now. This has been a full circle.

It’s been freeing to admit to myself and loved ones that I was depressed by that career loss. Starting over again has been confusing, but it’s not all figured out yet. There is still time to find a new place where I belong. I’m in the process of recalibrating, and that is a direction in itself. I feel freed from the weight of “monetizing my hobby” and the impossible summit of creating a small business as someone who truly is not cut out for the accounting or marketing parts.

Unmasking and Coping for the First Time

Truly, though, as I reflect on this year, getting serious about health – mental, physical, and emotional – for the first time has contributed to the feeling of optimism I have leaving 2025 that I did not have entering 2025. I have healthier boundaries in relationships, more honesty about how I’m doing, and whether I am feeling overstimulated. I recently got into rebounding, aka a fancy term for jumping on a miniature trampoline for cardio. Wow, I like this for my mind! It resets me, and it’s helping me get stronger. I used to feel ashamed of who I am. I didn’t understand why I felt so different, nor did I know how to communicate burnout without pushing friends and loved ones away. Being unmasked was tumultuous for the first couple of months, but now I never want to put that neurotypical mask back on.

How has 2025 changed you? I think it has made me unapologetically empathetic. Bolder to say I disagree with wrong because the stakes have been higher than ever in my lifetime. I hope to carry that forward into 2026, because I think the opposite of late-stage capitalism is community, so let’s burn it down with empathy. Thank you, dear reader, for spending time with me today. I wish you love and kindness.

0

I Am My Own Crafting Worst Enemy

This is an unplanned part three of my “Drafting Shortalls From Scratch” because I did not succeed in making my overalls for winter. Although I have made shortalls twice this summer, a few silly, but very human mistakes, led to the project going awry. This is what I think went wrong:

  • Flew too close to the sun when tailoring
  • Planning < No Plan
  • Lack of Focus
  • Measure Once, Cuss Twice
  • I kinda hate sewing when it feels this hard
  • Putting too much pressure on myself
  • Not Buying Enough Fabric
  • Not Mocking Up
  • Not using my Patterns when I’m stuck
  • Research the Basics

It’s so easy to think we’ve got this and be too confident when going into a project. With knitting, this approach of fearlessness had led to some great projects, but with sewing, this artistic type of approach crashes and burns. Sewing is fabrication, as weird as that sounds. I think I was prepared to sew such complex tailoring projects, such as my shortalls, this summer, because I spent the spring building a screened-in porch with Kyle. Woodworking is very similar to sewing, I learned! It is about measuring, planning, creating things in a specific order, and constructing something that is built to last. When we started working on the porch, I never imagined how much it would teach me about garment construction. But it gave me a template to focus on. Who knew that woodworking would be such an inspirational experience for me?

So why am I sharing this? I am really struggling to accept that sewing is not coming easily to me; no matter how much I practice, it continues to challenge me. I’d like to invite you to join me in not giving up on those things in our lives that are hard.

Part Two: Sewing Overalls Step by Step

I’ve been looking at how to make a custom overalls pattern, based on drafting techniques, which I began with this post: Drafting Shortalls from Scratch. But how to construct them? Well, that’s what I plan to explore today! To do this, yesterday, I cut out another pair of overalls, this time for the fall-winter-spring season, to retrace my steps.

Step One

With your pieces cut out according to your measurements, you should have four leg pieces – two front and two back. The next two bib pieces should be cut out, with the back piece cut a bit differently to accommodate the straps. This is to anchor the straps at the middle of your shoulders to keep the overalls securely on your frame.

Step Two

I like to begin with the pants or shorts portion of an overall project, because they are foundational to the silhouette. I like to pin the leg pieces together to try on before sewing. Remember to leave several inches of the outer thigh seams pinned for the flies and buttons.

Once you know that the pieces will fit, with seam allowance accounted for, I begin sewing the leg pieces together, leaving out the crotch seam and the top part of the inseam, to attach the two pieces as one pair of pants. After these have been sewn together and I have tried them on, I will move on to the bib.

Step Three

For less bulk, I like to cut the seams of the crotch portion and leg seams that will join together, with pinking shears, to make my hems less thick. This lets the sewing machine, or your hand sewing needle, pass through the seam with ease, and is more comfortable to wear.

How do you join pants? Well, you leave the top of the inseam open so that those two inseams will line up together, making the two legs join at the top where the pelvis is. Remember this is a bifurcated garment, so you want your final shape to be two tubes, joined to make one tube at the top. I’ve messed this up several times; it’s okay even if you sew it wrong the first thousand times. That is what mockups and seam rippers are for!

Step Four

For the bib of these overalls pictured above, they were cut into short pieces, so I just had to join these pieces together. I added a facing to the inside of the bibs, which is just a piece of the fabric’s right side facing inside, so that the bibs are finished cleaner around the neckline.

I inserted the straps between the facing and the bib for a clean and secure stitch. The straps were finished with a loop on either side of the front bib to tie around, instead of the metal fastenings. I was inspired by Lucy and Yak Dungarees.

Step Five

The final touches are the bias tape, the side buttons, and the five pockets. I find the bias tape the most mundane thing; therefore, I choose to do that next, which is a 1-2″ ribbon of the fabric used to finish the raw edges still exposed on the sides.

Step Six

Next, I created the flies on either side by folding over the fabric to make the button placket and button hole placket. This was planned out when I cut out the overalls. After making the button holes and finishing them with either the machine or by hand, I mark out on the other side where the holes overlap to mark for buttons.

Step Seven

Finally, I sew the pockets. I chose a large, half-rounded bib pocket on the front, two smaller rectangle pockets on the backside, and medium side pockets sewn across the hip. Next? Enjoy your creation and feel a sense of accomplishment. You did something hard, and probably felt lost at times, but you persevered to learn a new skill. It’s not cringeworthy to try. So go for it! ❤

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑