Coping with Negative Emotions

What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

It’s taken a while for me to find healthy coping mechanisms when negative feelings wash over me. Before I used to push the feelings down and grow numb, I’d clam up, or I’d get angry and stay angry. I’d shop for the heck of it or engage in self-destructive behavior like drinking or fighting with people I cared about until they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I’d punish my body with exercise or restrictive eating. After a certain point the negative feelings and my destructive solutions, came to run my life and the anxiety and depression I had been allowing to take root in my life were in the driver’s seat and I was not even a passenger looking out the windshield, but was all the way in the backseat and had no concept of where the car was going.

Three years ago, I decided to take charge of my responses to stress and negative feelings. I stopped using alcohol as a crutch when I was overwhelmed by stressful and painful life situations and decided to look my pain in the eye and face it down. Now, I’m not doing this alone, when I made this decision I surrendered it to God, and chose to let Him be my driver of the car instead of myself or my anxiety and depression. It wasn’t any easy choice. It was scary but also an unknown to be explored. It was a new beginning.

Prayer

Prayer became the immediate lifeline between me and the negative emotions in my mind in combination with spending time in God’s word. Consciously shifting my perspective from, I’m alone and I’m scared to I’m scared but I’m never alone truly helped me feel sure footed when negative emotions clouded over my mind. Was it an instantaneous fix? Yes sometimes and other times it was a slow burn, it’s been a process of sanctification.

Focusing on God can pull me out of panic attacks and remind me that I am loved when dysfunctional people in my life make me question that. But I’ve found that when I’m really dialed into my relationship with God that is where I see the most results because prayer is about preparation. Being consistent so when those big, scary emotions come I can remember God’s promises. Being present keeps my eyes fixed on Him and helps me feel His presence even though I cannot see Him in front of me.

Has it taken away the negative emotions completely? No, they still happen and I still get anxious and depressed but I don’t remain there. Like a rain storm there is a clear sky on the other side, the morning always follows the night.

Poetry

I started writing poetry again back in December after a long hiatus, like maybe five years of turning away from it because of a friendship that I didn’t want to have creative competition in. That was a mistake because poetry, like journaling is an incredible way to walk your mind through your negative thoughts and process them through creating a work of art in words. Whenever my head feels too full with emotions and negative thoughts I pour them on to the page. I have specific notebook for this purpose and I say what I am feeling to my notebook.

I’ve done this as a way to get out of a loop of insomnia I was stuck in because of grief and it helped me digest the pain that was hovering in my mind so that I could move to the other side and back to a more balanced mind. Some poems I share and some are just kept for my own creative expression. It’s like Dumbledore’s Pensieve in Harry Potter. The memories, emotions, and negative thoughts are extracted on to the page where they can live and my mind can have some rest. Which is oh so nice for an over thinker like myself, who will continue to think until the wee hours of the night on problems there is no clear answer to.

Music

Since I received my iPod nano in 2008, I have been a music escapist. I need my headphones and my music at the ready for trips, errands, social situations, etc. I crave that escape when the world feels like too much. I need music to carry me through what I’m feeling and get my emotions out.

I usually run to music when I’m feeling angry, fed up, or in pain. I will play it loud and let the beat and the bass overwhelm me in its world until the anger feels less explosive. I’ll run to music when I’m feeling scared and uncomfortable to distract and get my mind out of the loop its in. Music is motivating. My favorite go to songs when I feel like I’m going to explode from all the emotion inside and I’m feeling anger rise in me are LALALALA Rock Version by Stray Kids, Cover Me by Stray Kids, Bouncy (K-Hot Chili Peppers) by Ateez, Guerilla by Ateez, Haegeum by Suga, Kill this Love by Blackpink, or Drama by Aespa.

Exercise

The other day I felt some unsolvable pain due to an increasingly dysfunctional relationship I have with a parent and I wanted to give into the temptation of destructive behavior. I wanted to drain my bank account with a shopping spree and get very drunk because I felt so helpless from this relationship ever getting better here on Earth. I was frustrated and wanted to feel pain because I was feeling angry and numb. Instead of doing something destructive, I decided to work out, and push my body though exercise to embrace the burn to feel something instead of hurting myself and my future. It worked!

I was motivated to lift weights longer, hold wall sits and planks longer, to push my leg muscles, my core, and my arms to higher reps. It was awesome and constructive instead of destructive but with the release of anger in a healthy way. I remember my Papa telling me that he would channel all the anger he had from his own dysfunctional parents on the football field and get the emotions out through the physicality of the game. It truly made a difference and I was able to no longer feel explosive after my workout because although the pain and negative thoughts were still hovering in the background, I felt like I was no longer trapped in my mind.

Art

When I don’t know what to do with my mind, I make art. I get creative and let myself escape into a world of my own creation in order to get out of my own head and my swirling negative thoughts. Getting creative reminds me of what my purpose is and my calling and helps me to remember that there is more to life than the bad times. There is so much beauty beyond what I am currently stuck in, when I’m feeling low, that I need to carry on and make something beautiful. Get out of my own head and remember that I have worth, I have the ability to create beauty in this world, and I can do better than those around me who hurt me. Art is uplifting. Creating is nourishing. It channels the pain into something more than it started as, it becomes a touch point of connection with others and the world around us.

My favorite way to escape into art is to draw landscapes, flowers, animals, and the sky in the majesty of a sunset.

Early Winter Soundtrack (2023)

Fashion Industry Commentary – Fashion Roadman

Post Vid-Vid Fist Bump Noises – Drew Joiner

Welcome Christmas – The Whos in Whoville

Born to Be – ITZY

Drama – Aespa

Facebook Messenger Calling Beeps – Brother & Sister-in-Law

Whistling Noises – The Espresso Maker

Winter Falls – Stray Kids

“It’s a Festivus Miracle!” – Seinfeld

Mellow K-drama Soundtrack – Electra Dashwood

Hello My Beautiful Doves – Mina Le

Ripping of Wrapping Paper – Sully, the Yorkie-Bichon

Baggy Jeans – NCT

Call of Elk – Keystone Safari

“Ready. Set. Baaaake!” – Noel & Sandi

LALALALA – Stray Kids

Advent Calendar Cardboard Ripping – Alexandria Ryan

Perfect Night – Le Sserafim

A Quiet, Beagle-less Neighborhood – My Parents’ Street

The Gentle Crunching of Cinnamon Sugar – Monkey Bread

“Not-a-fingah!” – The Old Man in A Christmas Story

The Small Beeps of a Package Scanner – The Mail Carrier

Cake – ITZY

Marv’s Scream – The Tarantula

Birdie Celebration – The Wiggler in Mario Golf

Joyful New Year’s Countdown – Animal Crossing New Horizons

Kpop B-Sides from 2023

In 2023, the amount of good releases felt like a never-ceasing wave of music. It was an epic ride, and I’m sad to know the year is almost up. But hopefully, Year of the Dragon will be as generous as Year of the Rabbit was. Here are a few of my favorite b-sides (not title tracks) that made this year melodious and fun.

Also, congrats to 3RACHA for winning Best Creator at the 2023 Asia Artist Awards last night! They deserve it ❤

5-Star by Stray Kids

  • Item
  • Hall of Fame
  • Youtiful
  • Superbowl
  • Topline (ft. Tiger JK)
  • FNF
  • Collision

Golden Age by NCT U

  • PADO
  • The BAT
  • Not Your Fault
  • Golden Age
  • Kangaroo

My World by Aespa

  • Salty and Sweet
  • I’m Unhappy
  • Thirsty
  • Welcome to MY World

Get Up by New Jeans

  • New Jeans

Unforgiven by Le Sserafim

  • Eve, Psyche and the Bluebeard’s Wife

Rockstar by Stray Kids

  • Cover Me
  • Comflex
  • Megaverse
  • Leave
  • Blindspot

This World Ep. 2: Outlaw by Ateez

  • This World
  • Dune

Kill My Doubt by ITZY

  • Kill Shot
  • Psychic Lover
  • None of My Business
  • Bratty

Fact Check by NCT 127

  • Parade
  • Space
  • Love is a beauty

Drama by Aespa

  • YOLO
  • Hot Air Balloon
  • Trick or Trick

The World Ep. Fin: Will by Ateez

  • Everything
  • IT’s You

I Wanted To Learn More About Kpop

What is your favorite genre of music?

K-Pop. Boy bands, girl bands, flashy music videos, and complex choreography. BTS. Blackpink. PSY. It’s a genre growing in popularity in the West and you’ve probably heard of it. From the outside, it might not make a lot of sense. So where did this cultural wave of music and fashion originate? Well, we gotta go back a few decades. (Note: I became a fan in early 2022 so I am limited in my knowledge – I’m sorry if I don’t mention a band you stan <3)

Brief History of K-Pop

Western musical influences entered Korean culture in 1885 and continued throughout the 20th century after Korea’s liberation from Japanese occupation in 1945, due to the US military presence and the Korean War. USO tours brought artists such as Nat King Cole and Louis Armstrong to Korea, sparking interest in Western culture and music. This continued into the 1990s as Korean artists experimented with musical styles from other cultures and developed their own sounds. These included folk and rock ballads, with Korean musical groups, like the Kim Sisters performing in Las Vegas and on American television shows in the mid-20th century. J-Rock had an influence in the later 20th century.

The modern K-pop era began on April 11, 1992, when the band Teo Saiji and Boys debuted their first song “I Know” on Munhwa Broadcasting Corporation’s talent show. Their song showcased new jack swing inspirations from R&B and hip-hop which kicked off a wave of Korean hip-hop artists of the 1990s, such as Drunken Tiger. In June 2023, Stray Kids released the song Topline with Tiger JK of Drunken Tiger. Until 2012, K-pop was a success in Asia but hadn’t reached worldwide reach until PSY’s “Gangnam Style” followed by EXO’s debut in 2012, the debut of BTS in 2013, and finally, the debut of Blackpink in 2016. Blackpink would become the first K-pop group to headline at Coachella.

Record Labels, Trainees & Survival Shows

So where do all these bands come from? After the success of Teo Saiji and Boys, first album, and a new appetite for the hip-hop and R&B musical style of these emerging 1990s K-Pop artists, three labels were started that continue to be some of the biggest labels today – SM Entertainment in 1995, YG Entertainment in 1996 (formed by a member of Teo Saiji and Boys), and JYP Entertainment in 1997. This shifted the K-pop industry’s focus to teen-centered music and idol bands that would capture the attention of teen boys and girls – the structure we still see today of boy groups and girl groups. The business was modeled after J-pop in Japan.

Trainees who want to debut as idols undergo rigorous auditions and training to learn singing and dancing skills, but also how to navigate the media by their etiquette and attitude, as well as knowledge, of the Korean language because not all K-pop idols are native Korean speakers. Current examples of this are Lisa of Blackpink, Johnny of NCT 127, and Felix of Stray Kids, who all became fluent in Korean through their idol training.

Another element of the debut process for some groups can involve reality tv style survival shows. The Mnet Survival Show became very popular in the 2010s and led to the formation of many groups including TWICE, Seventeen, ENYPHEN, Kep1er, Momoland, and Stray Kids. The trainees compete against each other while gradually being eliminated. The top seven of Twice’s survival show “Sixteen” were selected to debut along with an audience favorite and J.Y.P.’s selection for eight in total with members added later. The contestants went on to other projects, some debuting with other groups.

Maknaes, Leaders, and Visuals

Something that I found hard to follow at first was the term “maknae” meaning the youngest person in a group, but I’ve learned through time and research that it is a part of Korean culture to recognize who is oldest and youngest within a group. Each group has a recognized maknae, Jong-ho in Ateez, Yuna in ITZY, NingNing in Aespa, and our Maknae on Top – I.N. of Stray Kids.

The oldest or an older member of a group is usually the leader usually each group has a leader, except for some groups like Blackpink, K.A.R.D., New Jeans, etc. The leaders write music and contribute to the group’s concept alongside the producers but they are also the spokesperson for the group and keep the group in order. Some current K-pop group leaders are Taeyong of NCT 127, Mark Lee of NCT Dream, Hongjoong of Ateez, Chaewon of Le Sserafim, and Jihyo of Twice.

Another thing that threw me off was the designation of the visual in a group. There are many roles within these groups – leader, maknae, lead vocals, lead rapper, main vocalist, main rapper, main dancer, sub-vocalist, and the visual. Basically, the visual is the member who best represents Korean beauty standards within the group and has been a part of K-pop from the beginning. Jisoo is the visual of Blackpink, Hyunjin is the visual of Stray Kids, Yeosang is the visual of Ateez, and Miyeon is the visual of (G)-IDLE. There can be a lot of debate between fans on who is the visual and being the visual doesn’t keep you from serving in other roles.

Fandom Names, Lightsticks, Sub-units & Bias

Each group has a fan name with BTS’ fandom name probably being the most famous – ARMY. Blackpink fans call themselves Blinks. Stray Kids have STAY, Ateez stans are Atiny, and NCT fans call themselves NCTzens or NCTizens (pronounced N-citizens) as they are citizens of NCT City (Neo Culture Technology). Twice fans are called Once which I think is cute. EXO fans as a group are called EXO-L and fans individually are referred to as Stars. Itzy has MIDZY and TXT has MOA which stands for moments of alwaysness. Moments of Alwaysness as a name is quite poetic and dreamy. Fans are also referred to as stans, as you stan the group you are a fan of.

I thought lightsticks were pretty gimmicky until I saw videos of them at concerts and close-up videos of the lightstick designs – they are actually pretty cool and unique. I personally love Ateez’s lightstick concept the most, both version one and version two because they feature pirate motifs. I also love the cute and slightly menacing Blackpink double-sided heart hammer light stick as well as Cherry Bullet’s squirt gun light stick.

Some groups have sub-units with the actual K-pop group concept and they will release albums within these sub-units while still being a part of the original group. These albums have different concepts than the original group. Notable Sub-units are NCT U, NCT 127, and NCT Dream all within the group NCT. The fandom name NCTzen or NCTizen can be applied to all. Girls Generation has a sub-unit called TTS or TaeTiSeo, Seventeen has BBS or BooSeokSoon, along with many, many other sub-units across K-pop.

Your bias, or selecting a bias is just selecting your favorite member for each group. Your bias wrecker is a member within that group that makes you want to switch your favorite member. At the moment, in Stray Kids, I’d say Felix is my bias and Changbin is my current bias wrecker. In Ateez, Hongjoong is my bias but Wooyoung is turning into a bias wrecker.

Comebacks, Music Videos, and Discography

I first got into the music by watching music videos while I rode my exercise bike, through this I learned to not sleep on K-pop music videos – they are integral to the concept as K-pop is quite visual from dancing to fashion, it is a part of the experience. My early favorites were Kick It by NCT 127, Kill This Love by Blackpink, Don’t Stop by Ateez, Maniac by Stray Kids, and That That by PSY & Suga. I love the aesthetics at play and how the members are styled for these videos. It is in my opinion more inspiring than reading Vogue or watching fashion week anymore.

Comebacks and discography were the most confusing to navigate, to be honest. Comebacks refer to the new release by a band, that includes the promotional material for the concept, photo cards, choreography sneak peeks and dance challenges, performances, the music video, and the single/ep/album being released. There is a lot involved! And to make it more confusing bands release full Japanese albums, compilation albums, and mixtapes that are all different. If you are going to buy a K-pop album I highly recommend doing research first.

I made that mistake with my first album purchase – I bought a BTS album second-hand and bought the wrong version. The store had three different versions of the Love Yourself album. I wanted the version that contained the track DNA, and out of the three versions I purchased the only version not to have DNA. Yep, I bought ‘Tear’ but it was a great learning experience and helped me explore their discography more.

Wrap Up

I hope this little guide is helpful to you if you have been curious about K-pop or have a loved one or friend who is a K-pop fan. It’s a fun world to escape into. There is so much more I could dive into but this post would just be endless so thanks for coming along on this journey with me.

#23 – Soundtrack of Life, My Mood Boost

BOOMBAYAH – Blackpink

Sugar Rush Ride – TOMORROW X TOGETHER

Blue Hour – TOMORROW X TOGETHER

Wonderland – ATEEZ

Maknae on Top – I.N. feat. Bang Chan & Changbin)

The Real (Heung Ver.) – ATEEZ

Not Shy – ITZY

THAT THAT – Psy feat. Suga of BTS

Sticker – NCT 127

DNA – BTS

Feel Special – TWICE

Thunderous – Stray Kids

Whistle – Blackpink

God’s Menu – Stray Kids

Pirate King – ATEEZ

Fancy – TWICE

Dynamite – BTS

ANTIFRAGILE – LE SSERAFIM

Back Door – Stray Kids

Faster – NCT 127

9 And Three Quarters (Run Away) – TOMORROW X TOGETHER

Kick It – NCT 127

Next Level – aespa

Case 143 – Stray Kids

Butter – BTS

Spicy – aespa

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