Learning To Walk Away From Arguments

What is one way you have grown this year?

When someone is attacking your character, threatening pillars of security like your house, your cars, your bank account, for their own revenge, and is inciting derision in your relationship, how do you stay calm? I’ve been wrestling in these thoughts for the last month as a very unexpected thing happened that threw us for a major loop. I’ve been slow to write for this reason, because I felt so angry and bitter. All is good now though, in spite of the stress and the anger at the perpetrator of this stupid drama, but it begs the question, what does one do with these emotions?

When someone is attacking me, it’s a real struggle not to fight back and defend myself, or respond from a place of past pain and fire back with more gusto than the other person in an attempt to shut the argument down. But does that actually work? A younger me thought it did, but then younger me got the butt kicking of a lifetime by my uncle, who took a declaration of frustration at him and him alone, and manipulated it into a full on family fracture to hurt someone I love very much, my mom.

Lesson number two came from another family member, on a different side of my family, who doesn’t stop arguing. It doesn’t matter what the situation is, this person won’t stop nagging, or pushing their agenda. They refuse to take responsibility for their choices. They are the final boss of arguing, and it has taught me that fighting with this person in any way is futile. It doesn’t matter how wrong they are, they will not concede and so arguing, although it may feel good in the moment, for the temporary release of the emotional pressure valve, is dumb. There is nothing fruitful in addressing the problem with them, because they are denial of what the problem is really about. It’s terrible.

This has a paradoxical shift in my mind. Addressing the problem and dealing with it, is what I believed the healthy purpose of arguing was based in, but life is not that simple or noble. People are far more complicated and broken for that simple notion to be true. Learning to not engage, and walk away, even when someone is hurting you with their words, is the only way through sometimes. And it is incredibly difficult to master. It’s something you usually don’t learn until you are faced with impossible people. In the moment, you feel like the weight of their words outweighs what you know to be true. It feels like giving into manipulation, but it is not about surrendering at all. It is about preserving what is left of the relationship and moving on.

It is the art of learning not to argue. In both examples, my uncle and this other family member, created a stressful environment for me that left one option left. I have to walk away and not defend myself. I have to leave the argument behind. It is not weakness but instead a firm boundary rooted in the promise of a better tomorrow. It is taking the space to breathe and realize this relationship meant more to you than it did to them, and letting them go to fester in their own creation of chaos. You want better for them, but you can’t change them, or control them.

I have not mastered this, not even close. And to be fair, I have had many one sided arguments in my head. Their has been tears and lots of ranting. But not trying to explain myself or defend myself has helped me understand that their minds are already made up, and peaceful co-existence not being possible, is a them problem. I can’t want it more than them, I just have to let that part of our relationship evaporate into the sunshine. I have to focus on protecting my mental health by releasing the stress and hurt in healthy ways, like laughing, exercise, and quality time with family and friends that value the relationship with you, and want the best for you.

In time, walking away from arguments will get easier, I hope. This has been one of the most difficult lessons I have learned, in life. With both of these people, being members of the church, it has been a rough one for my faith. There is such hypocrisy in these relationships, and they both claim the high ground.

Leaving these relationships unsettled and broken feels like a failure, as we are supposed to live in harmony with each other, including other believers. Why doesn’t this bother them, like it bothers me? It makes me feel like a bad Christian. But that is probably another argument I need to just walk away from too.

Do you ever feel this way? Have you mastered the art of walking away from arguments? What helped you develop this skill?

June 18, 2026

Only Going to the Coasts or National Parks

What are the biggest mistakes people make when visiting your country?

Before I dive in, I’d like to acknowledge that the United States is a very big place, and it’s not easy to see all 50 states. Most Americans haven’t done that, nor do many of us have the opportunity to visit all the National Parks in our lifetime. There is a lot to explore, but that’s also why I am sharing this, because getting off the beaten path of travel vloggers and notable cities could be the key to making one-of-a-kind memories for yourself as a traveler. I want you to get the most bang for your buck and make some great memories! My hope is to emulate Geography King’s spectacular regional guides, which have helped me learn more about my own country and inspired me to want to explore new destinations.

The Big Two Cities

Now, this could just be the travel vloggers I have been served up on YouTube, or potentially James May being singularly focused on Southern California and New York City as the defining regions of America, but it can create tunnel vision. These destinations, I would say, are highly influential on a world scale, but as defining all of the United States, they are just one topping on the pizza. One character in the film. The rest of the United States is different from these microcosms.

We have a lot of cities to see, each with their own unique flavor. Chicago has amazing views of Lake Michigan, deep-dish pizza, and kayaking in downtown. Cincinnati offers a rich German heritage and skyline chili. Portland is a donut capital and uniquely charming, with stores and hotels unlike anywhere else. Boston has history, walkability, and seafood. Austin has barbecue, music, dance halls, and more. Savannah is a low-country gem, with historic charm and a complex history that holds important lessons from the past.

Many Regions with Endless Variety

The contiguous US has many regions: the Pacific Northwest, the Southwest, the Mid-Atlantic, the Rust Belt, the Midwest, Big Sky Country, the Southeast, the Deep South, Appalachia, the Rocky Mountains, and the Northeast. These regional distinctions are a great foot-in-the-door to research places completely unknown. For example, the Southeast and Deep South are known for their swamps, but did you know the Mid-Atlantic, specifically Virginia, Maryland, and Delaware, have swampy-marshy low country too? Along with great beaches and seafood, due to their proximity to the Chesapeake Bay! For another example, did you know that natural hot springs are found in central California, Idaho, and also Arkansas and Alaska? What about sand dunes? We have big dunes in North Carolina, Indiana, and New Mexico. There are tons of options for whatever you are looking to explore!

Tour by Food

I believe food is one of the best ways to explore the US. Food tells the story of the people, particularly immigrants, by which the US has been shaped. But did you know, we owe a great deal of our food heritage to black culture and the seeds carried here, by African people who were kidnapped and brought here as slaves? They cultivated the plants and created the dishes, that have become mainstays of Southern cuisine and Soul Food.

Indigenous nations, long before North America was colonized, developed a rich food history that has survived genocide and cultural erosion. Without their contributions food staples such as beans, corn, squash, salmon, venison, etc would not be part of our culinary knowledge.

Thirdly, the contribution of Mexican cuisine is incredibly important to understanding the food landscape of the United States. Without Mexican culture, we do not have tacos, burritos, avocados, tortillas, chiles, salsas, mole, tres leches, agave, etc. Mexican food deserves respect.

In addition, exploring the United States through barbecue, pizza, hotdogs, sandwiches, beer, and hamburgers is a great way to learn about regional lore. Take for example Carolina style barbecue, Detroit style pizza, the Po’boy, the Wisconsin butter burger, Dogfish Head’s Punkin’ Ale, or the Primanti’s sandwich. Go check them out!

Our Third Coast and Great Lakes

What is the Third Coast? It’s the coastline along the Gulf of Mexico that stretches across Eastern Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Western Florida. The Great Lakes sit to the North, along our border with Canada, and comprise five freshwater lakes. Moving from west to east, they are Lake Superior, Lake Huron, Lake Michigan, Lake Erie, and Lake Ontario. These regions are generally more affordable, less traveled, and offer stunning scenery, seafood, gorgeous beaches, swimming, and sunsets.

We are more than FL, TX, CA, CO, UT

Sure Disney World in Orlando is fun, Texas has Buc-ee’s, California has the redwoods, Colorado the mountains, and Utah has Moab and Zion. These are the big states for tourism, and they are booming, but don’t let FOMO and trends define your travels. These all very pricey, very crowded, except for Texas. Texas is just turned into the charicature, and this can drown out the real culture, for the kitschy cowboy vibes. Just like Montana and Wyoming, are more than just the Yellowstone of streaming. Looking beyond these popular destinations can break your trip out of the hive mind of the post social media landscape.

West Virginia and Kentucky

Don’t sleep on these two stunners. Along with Alabama and Mississippi, West Virginia and Kentucky are the butt of many jokes, even though the people are lovely, the scenery is picturesque, and these communities have been extracted to within an inch of their lives for coal that made a lot of people rich in other states, while making them very poor. Look beyond the hardships and the rough exteriors to see the good hiding underneath. Hiking, cave exploring, bourbon tasting, rafting, pepperoni rolls, and waterfalls are just a few things you can explore.

National Parks and Western Scenery Bias

Because of social media, I believe there is an intense focus on visiting National Parks. The views are incredible, the hiking is pinable, the content is effortless, I get it. These still exist at State Parks, without the extra fees. Trump recently added a fee of 100 USD, per person, for international travelers who visit the 11 most popular parks. Or you can pay 250 USD for a pass, but I think it’s wrong to paywall natural beauty that cannot be owned. NPS staff are also short staffed due to Trump’s DOGE fiasco, so this is plea to give these places a break while we sort out this mess for you and for all of us. Plus then, you don’t have to buy the 250th anniversary pass, with his ugly mug on it.

Take Yourself Out to the Ballgame

Why not go to a baseball game while your here? With 30 professional teams and 120 minor league affiliated teams, there are endless opportunities to take in a baseball game. MLB stadiums boast impressive view of their cities, with great snacks, affordable tickets, and a lovely day outside.

I Beg of You, Skip This City and This State

Please, do not go to Washington D.C. right now. The White House looks like a pile of rubble because of the ballroom build, and the UFC arena being built on the White House lawn. Go another time, when this is all a distant memory. Please skip Hawaii too out of solidarity to the local people of Hawaii, who have been priced out of their homeland by the rich and the land developers. Hawaii was colonized by force for military strategic position, over time Hawaiian culture has been diminished by forced assimilation into white cultural norms, and now overtourism is hurting Hawaiians once again. Let’s give Hawaii a break.

Kindness Still Exists

My final point is to not throw away the United States just because evil is being done by those in power right now. The majority of my fellow citizens are outraged and fighting to stop ICE, the War in Iran, Data Centers, and corruption. There are still good people here, who will welcome you with open arms regardless of where you are from, what you look like, or who you love. You are welcome here. Please come visit and let us share this beautiful scenery with you!

June 11, 2026

I’m Going to Miss Watching Colbert

I was pretty late to the Late Show party, becoming a fan after it was canceled by CBS, for ‘purely financial reasons.’ What a shame that is! I think what we need more of is laughter. Pure, intelligent comedy for the sake of the joke. Not for the algorithm, or to bow down at the altar of tech bros, or the gold Nebuchadnezzar statue of Trump. But to instead frustrate the heck out of these life-draining entities with comedy.

In both my personal life and the greater world around me, the stress level is high. Morale is low. I think we’re all feeling tired by the burden of man doing what is right in his own eyes. But wait, there’s more! Now, the so-called “Christians” are whoring themselves out again, like the Israelites did in the Old Testament, raising up idols for their own gain and neglecting the covenant God made with them. It’s infuriating to be an adult and realize that this story is not a Bible story from the past, but a living example that continues to evolve with the generations, in repetitive cycles of taking God’s name in vain. Being the absolute worst representatives of God’s image, and claiming their actions are blessed by God.

As a kid, I naively thought this was what people from the past did, not us. In our “Christian” nation. I feel so dumb remembering how duped I was by the authority figures around me. As I got older, like we all do, we begin to see the signs of hypocrisy and corruption around us. Nowhere was it more apparent than in the Christian bubbles and institutions I interacted with. I remember my parents and grandparents warning me that the deepest cut would be in these circles. That sinful actions would feel more harmful in these environments, because we expect the believers around us to play by the rules, but we don’t. We treat each other just as badly, and sometimes worse, than the non-believers around us.

Politically, the age of MAGA and the culture wars of the last decade have exacerbated the tension in this dance of Christians being terrible representatives for the gospel, but wonderful representatives for their political parties, and the sin patterns being held onto, instead of being transformed by the sanctification process.

What I have the most irony, as I reflect right now as I write this, is that for my whole life, I have heard that the problem with America is that the church doesn’t preach sin anymore. This is usually targeted at things like unmarried couples living together, promiscuity, homosexuality, and gender expression. But I realize that, yeah, this is one of the problems with America, but not for any of the reasons listed above; instead, racism, bigotry, political idolatry, Nationalism, greed, capitalsim, extraction of the global south, ICE, Fascism, and more recently, worship of Trump, are some of the sins that are not preached about in the majority churches – and these sinful behaviors are running rampant in our world, destroying whole nations like Palestine, Iran, Congo, Sudan, and Lebanon for the sake of these bloodlusts “sanctioned” by people who aren’t being taught by churches that this is sin.

Getting back to the point of this post, all this darkness has felt like a dense fog spreading across all the light and truth, but comedy, by those like Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel, has cut through the complicit silence. Now we only have one of these shows left, although Trump calls for Kimmel’s job constantly. I’m going to miss Colbert’s voice in the void and hope that he finds a new place to do the same thing – call out the evil and stand for the truth, while making us laugh. The sweet pressure valve release of laughing through things that scare us is essential, I believe, for us to maintain our humanity.

It is a non-violent fight against fascism, an unwillingness to buy the crap they are selling us, and remain focused on what is good and true, when the propaganda tries to drown it out. That’s what is happening here with CBS, a complicit, chicken-sh*t response to pressure from above. What they have chosen to silence is the reminder to be kind, to be unwavering in our beliefs, and to not let the bad around us determine who we will be.

I’m thankful for the time I got to watch Colbert’s show, for the comfort pause to laugh through the ‘Hormuz news you can uz’ segment, in the middle of a war that none of us want but can’t depend on our leaders to stop, while watching our tax dollars be ripped from social programs to bombs and guns. It was like a balm to the soul, a place to reset and breathe, with a laugh. A way to process together. Thank you, Colbert!

In the meantime, what will I do? Watch Jimmy Kimmel. Rock out to the Piedmont Raging Grannies, and laugh my butt off watching RuPaul’s Drag Race.

May 26, 2026

If I Love Fashion History, Do I Have to Like the Met Gala?

The more popular and well-covered the Met Gala is online, the more controversial it becomes. This once New York Society event has transformed into an international spectacle that feels more like the Oscars or the Olympics than a fundraiser for a museum’s costume archive. That is the origin of the Met Gala, a dinner to raise money for the Costume Institute, to pay for the day-to-day operations and expansion of the collection displayed at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. The spectacle and theme, red carpet coverage, constant intertwining with rich, questionable people, and the baked-in elitism of making Anna Wintour’s guest list have become the bigger story of this so-called “fundraiser.”

Now, I am being a bit dramatic in questioning its fundraising; it is successful at its core function. For a deeper dive, I suggest checking out Abby Cox’s video about the history of the Met Gala. I believe they have raised enough to create an entire wing for the museum. The hefty price tag per plate or per table is usually not the attendees’ responsibility to cover, as the attendees are usually there to represent a brand or company. What I have seen as the biggest defense for the Met Gala is this system of big brands, donating money to the arts, that they would otherwise pocket or invest in questionable things, such as political donations to Trump or AI technology. But is that enough to make this event palatable? The Met Gala was sponsored by Lauren and Jeff Bezos, which alone made this year’s gala controversial. The justification once again is that his money is better spent on the arts than on something else, like another Melania movie. Such as comparing this sponsorship to the investments by Carnegie, Frick, and Morgan in the arts during the Gilded Age to improve their public opinion.

I have mixed thoughts on this, as a believer in the preservation of the arts, but also a kid who grew up in the Pittsburgh area and was surrounded by Carnegie libraries, museums, etc. Are these nice to have? Yes. Does it make up for the pollution, labor practices, and wealth hoarding by these industrialists that were so greedy they did not care if they were evil, but instead chose to buy their way into good public standing? No. My Grandma died of COPD, from the level of pollution she was exposed to as a kid in the 1940s. The Atlantic Monthly, in 1868, called the city of Pittsburgh, “hell with the lid taken off.” Soot from the Steel factories coated everything. The number of heart conditions in my family, and later autoimmune conditions, has been shocking, until you consider the effect of pollution. Similarly, the number of people from my home region with Cancer has been downright terrifying. You still can’t eat the fish from the rivers or ponds.

But forget that, right? Let’s have a ball, and display our wealth to all the people around the world who will never experience this kind of luxury. We have to preserve the arts and fashion history! Yeah…honestly, when you consider how much human suffering is essential to this kind of wealth, that these systems depend on most people going without human rights and dignity so that they can wear their custom haute couture to donate millions to a single museum, it’s disgusting to me. And I love fashion.

History is great, sometimes, but more often than not, it is a tragic collection of stories of inequality, suffering, war, destruction, and a few that benefit greatly from the oppression of others. You don’t have to dig far into the history of my country to see how true this is. I mean, each day this Iran War drags on, add another footnote to the list of wrongs. I would rather preserve cultures than general historical collections that focus on white, Eurocentric clothing on white Eurocentric mannequins. The bulk of the vast Costume Institute’s collection, the biggest in the world, is mostly Western clothing with a few token exceptions, displayed on mostly small, white mannequins. The Met has enough resources and clout to do better. The fashion industry is not interested in doing better, though. They are one of the biggest polluting industries in the world, and have knit together their brand empires with sweatshops in the global south. I guess my point is, I think we all know enough about Western fashion and luxury fashion. More than I think we need to know. Who is preserving the fashion history of the places and people who make the clothes, and whose lives are being wasted away sewing day in and day out to feed their family a meager portion, while these brands spend hundreds of thousands of dollars at the Met Gala? If they have enough to blow money on this event, it is despicable that they choose to not pay their workers properly, and give them vacation time, health care, maternity/paternity leave, etc.

The most difficult part of this conversation, for most of us, is the Amazon of it all. I shop on Amazon, most of us do. Sometimes it literally is the only option, and I know it is not a good company, and I am not proud of supporting it. It makes me feel like a big hypocrite. Because with Amazon, you don’t have to leave the US to see how bad they treat their employees. It’s out in the open, and hyper-consumerism and lack of other options make the bad behavior of Amazon seem beyond reproach due to how entrenched the company is in our world. I do think the Met Gala is an offensive flaunting of wealth that we, normal people, should stop worshipping because it’s pretty and is “art.” I do think the “Eat the Rich” protests are valid, and I think a lot of us feel stuck because we feel like hypocrites. After all, the system seems rigged right now for billionaire domination, and sometimes the only or cheaper option is supporting these businesses, like Amazon.

I like fashion history, but I don’t like the Met Gala. I don’t like Bezos or how he does business, and I do have an Amazon package arriving today. Just as much of life is complex, this subject is so layered, and I hope I made sense in this post.

May 7, 2026

Pivot! An Important Sewing Skill

Okay, as a millennial, I can’t hear the word pivot without thinking of this scene from Friends. But, silliness aside, Ross was correct; you have to pivot and pivot well. The longer I sew, the more agitated I get when I make foolish cutting or measuring mistakes in my garments. Like my shortalls from last year, I tried them on over the weekend because it is feeling warm and springlike here, and I was shocked by how poorly I fit the shorts. The top portion of the shorts fits excellently, but not the shorts. No one wants weird bunching when it comes to shorts, and that was exactly the problem!

At first, I went through the stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance that no matter how delusional I chose to be, these shortalls are uncomfortable. I would not wear them. This made me feel so many regrets. The pink overalls I drafted completely from scratch, using a special fabric featuring corgis and bread from a Japanese fabric brand called Kokka Fabric, sourced from my local fabric shop, Firecracker Fabrics. The second pair was cobbled together as a challenge of fabric and repurposing. The fabric was 1 yard of 59″ cotton twill from Mood Fabrics, and the pockets were sourced from a pair of shorts in my closet. I refused to scrap these. But what could I do to fix these? With all the patterns at play, adding in a new fabric sounded scary. Cutting these into bags or future quilting projects was throwing in the towel too soon for me.

My solution came to me one night, as I was washing my face; I didn’t have to make a drastic change. I had to address the problem – the way I cut the curve of the pants. I could remove the section that divided the fabric into legs, and transform the shortalls into pinafore dresses with a few cuts and stitches! It was a success! The shorts are now a skirt, by cutting away the curved line and sewing a straight seam on the back and front of the skirt. I also made a quick swap to the back bib of the brown floral pair, adjusting the square bib to the triangle shape of the pink ones. This adjusted the fit of the dress in an excellent way. The purpose of the triangle, I believe, from the fit change on my garment is to eliminate gapping between your shirt and the back bib, so the fit follows the line of your body.

Now, sewing is not the only place to pivot, obviously. Problem-solving is a fundamental part of the creative process. Projects rarely work out the way you want, from knitting to cooking to building a piece of furniture. In this fast fashion, consume and donate, culture poisoning my country’s culture, we are losing the art of problem-solving. This has been exacerbated by the rise of AI and ChatGPT. Why think at all? Why imagine, ponder, or research? Why try if you aren’t going to get “expert” results? That is what the rise of optimization culture is creating: the fear of trying. But you have to try to become an expert. AI is not an expert; it is a thief, stealing the knowledge of humans who have spent years and decades striving to know, unafraid to try and fail. It’s literally the scientific method. So if you are an impressionable person, who is growing up in this current era, don’t give up your creative ability for AI to do it for you. You will lose crucial thinking and creative skills if you don’t exercise your mind and problem-solve on your own. Just do it.

April 15, 2026

#81 – Ten is My Magnum Opus

Commitment is scary. It feels like a box that closes around you. My mind wanders to all the negative possibilities. Will I become stagnant? Will I fail? Will I regret this? Commitment is not a bad thing, though; it is a fundamental to our relationships, to building character, and completing goals. Finishing any project, big or small, such as painting a wall or completing a degree, requires commitment. Being there for a friend. Adopting a pet. Planting a garden. Buying a house. Getting married.

The last one fills us as humans, living in the 21st century, with the most trepidation. I think because of how obligatory marriage can become in our human cultures. What is a Jane Austen novel without commentary on the role of marriage in 19th-century England? Women can see it as a burden, a life goal, or a way to survive. It is complex for all people – he, she, they to enter into a legally binding commitment built on the hope that this love we are choosing to pursue until we die, will not fail and consume us both.

As I have mentioned before, my parents got divorced when I was little. It was finalized when I was two, actually, so beyond a PTSD memory that is hard to dwell on, I don’t remember life before my parents divorced. My memory and examples of marriage in my life come from my grandparents and my mom, who married my wonderful stepdad (more like true dad) when I was 16. Without these two positive examples, I’m not certain marriage would have happened for me. It’s hard to understand, unless you experienced it, but living in the aftermath of your parents’ failed marriage shapes your opinion of marriage from a young age.

You are the living proof of failure, and are looked on with pity and dismay from many church people and people in your community. You are the weirdo. People want to “help” experience the normalcy of two parents, as if there is something wrong with the family that you have. I had three parents instead of two, and it felt normal to me. I learned about love, of all kinds – storage and agape, aka “affection” and “unconditional love.”

I think these loves are even more important to grasp as an impressionable youth than fixating on the hope of romantic love someday, because what brings you through marriage is all four loves – charity, agape, philia (friendship), and eros (romantic). Because marriage is built on vows, and keeping those vows is wonderfully challenging some days, but keeping them and not giving up has led to this exciting milestone – our tenth anniversary!

Growing up, knowing that marriage can and will fail for a lot of people, no matter how much you fight for it, scared the crap out of me, staring down the aisle. I didn’t want to fail, like a destiny I couldn’t shake. My parents’ divorce was not a curse to inherit, nor was it Kyle’s to inherit from his parents’ divorce, yet succeeding felt like the highest mountain I would ever climb, and honestly, I do feel that way today. So many things have changed in my life in the past ten years – jobs, friends, locations, family, pets – it’s been a roller coaster, and yet, here we are. We didn’t let the bad times get the best of us – the economy, the pandemic, job loss, grief, and hubris – we figured out how to navigate the things that scared us without ripping the seams to tatters.

What I thought would be the way through this would be never approaching that line, but life actually pushes you to the brink quite often. I think we, as humans, focus so much on perfection that we forget that even when you let your spouse down, you can dust yourself off and recalibrate. Even your worst moments don’t have to break you. Holding on to the highest highs, the wins, is important too. It’s a journey that you walk with your spouse towards the goal. It’s a sanctification process that will break you down with certainty, but I feel refined by the wisdom and the struggle, and the wins.

The bottom may come as close as you can imagine to dropping out, but your fears are not a prophecy for your life. Good things are not there to slip away from you; they are the victories. And so this exciting anniversary feels like a victory over all the voices in my head telling me to give up when things got hard, and to not enjoy the good moments in case something bad would happen. Yeah, good and bad have happened, and will continue to happen, but what Kyle and I are building, this commitment to be there for each other for every step of the journey, is a balm to the soul in these uncertain times. So I encourage you, in these heavy days, to plant your garden.

This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce…Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.”
Jeremiah 29: 4-5, 7 NIV

April 9, 2026

#80 – Departures in K-Pop, SKZ Haters, and Arirang

On Friday morning, I woke up to a shocking announcement as a NCTzen, Mark Lee of NCT 127, NCT Dream, and NCT U did not renew his contract with NCT and SM Entertainment, effective April 8, 2026. Just like that, everything has changed once again in NCT. For context, NCT is a very complex project with multiple subunits and a large roster of band members. The NCT sub-unit that I follow closely is NCT 127, the eight-member (used to be nine, until 2024) boy band consisting of Taeyong, Mark, Yuta, Johnny, Haechan, Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Jungwoo. Mark is one of the main rappers, a key part of the sound of these groups, a songwriter with Taeyong for NCT 127, and the leader of NCT Dream. NCT 127 is about to celebrate its 10th anniversary on April 9th – why is this happening?

As a NCTzen, nothing has felt normal in the group since 2024, when leader Taeyong began his military service. While he was gone, NCT 127 released one group comeback album and various solo projects, including Mark’s solo album in 2025. The solo projects have felt like a welcome distraction, as Jaehyun (2024), Doyoung, and Jungwoo (2025) began military enlistment. My favorite solo project so far has been Yuta’s J-Rock style albums that evoke the rock and metal music I loved in high school. Not even the solo projects could distract from the disturbing news, on August 28, 2024, that former member Taeil was no longer a member of NCT due to sexual assault allegations, with SM terminating his contract a few months later. Taeil was convicted in 2025, and is currently serving a prison sentence, a very short prison sentence, unfortunately. So in summation, NCTzens have been through a roller coaster of emotions since 2024.

With Taeyong’s return to group activities for 2026, this was supposed to be a new beginning, not another goodbye. I’m hoping that, in time, more will be revealed as to why Mark is departing so suddenly. I thought his solo album was good; inspired by his faith, it was a light shining in the darkness of 2025. I know that SM is a company with messy dynamics. Three EXO members recently went to court against SM over a contract dispute, and Red Velvet members Wendy and Yeri recently left SM, while remaining members of the band. Mark’s departure from both the band and the company is uncharted waters, and I’m sad. I hope all is well and that whatever is next for Mark, he will be blessed.

This is not the first departure in K-Pop for 2026; it has been an ever-growing list. So far, Danielle from New Jeans, Manon from Katseye (hiatus), Heeseung from Enhyphen, and JYP have departed or changed their roles, in the case of JYPapi. In tricky times such as these, the K-Pop world has one solution: direct hatred towards Stray Kids – and I am so fed up with the hate. In the wake of Mark’s announcement, I saw posts calling for Stray Kids to be next. Wishing all kinds of ills of the members and the group. Why is Stray Kids always the scapegoat? (Also, Jennie. Stop hating on Jennie.)

So, general K-Pop fans who like to dunk on Stray Kids, what has this toxic behavior accomplished for you? The AI-deep fakes have led to legal action by JYP Entertainment in two countries. Stray Kids won major awards, completed the biggest world tour, and wrote multiple hits in response to your hate. Such as God’s Menu, the entire No Easy, aka “noisy” album, S-Class, Comflex, Ceremony, and Phoenix, to name a few. As Bang Chan says in their song, 3RACHA, “They always say the same excuses. While they’re complainin’, we’re producin’.” So can everyone just hush and enjoy the variety in K-Pop?

To a more positive note, I am really enjoying the new BTS album, Arirang. Now, I became a fan of K-Pop at the start of 2022, with my introduction to BTS being Dynamite and Butter. Two songs I quite enjoy, but I didn’t get to experience the true BTS or a full band comeback experience until now, and dang, after a long military hiatus, I’m starting to get the BTS hype. See Army – Stays and Army can co-exist peacefully. Arirang has range. I appreciate the mellow beauty of Swim, and the haunting melancholy of Merry-Go-Round. Aliens, FYA, and Hooligan have been in my head for days. For me, BTS has an interesting duality to their vocal range. Compared to the “racha” subunits I am used to from Stray Kids, or the structure of an Ateez or NCT song, where the rappers and vocalists have clear parts, BTS flows. I’m still learning what each member sounds like, and I’m constantly surprised to learn who is doing what part. I’m excited for what the future holds for BTS, cause yeah, I get the hype now.

It’s a relief, actually, to see that in spite of military interruptions, BTS came back as one cohesive team. What has felt so heavy about Mark’s departure from NCT has been the military service and the removal of the evil one. Can we just get a breath? Will this band still be the same by the time everyone is reunited again, like BTS? I sure hope so.

April 6, 2026

Sewing Tips that Changed My Life

I’ve been sewing for five and a half years, and yes, it took me close to that amount of time to learn these helpful tips. The skill of taking a needle and thread to fasten pieces of fabric together is one of the most complex technologies I’ve ever learned, and yeah, some of the more obvious things can go over your head because there is so much to learn. Even with half a decade of sewing experience, I am still a rookie. Here are four things I have learned about sewing recently that have changed my sewing experience from a laborious struggle to a relaxing craft I want to do.

Needles

I knew I needed to change out my sewing machine needle consistently (which I usually forget to do), but did you know you should change out your hand needles often? Nope, I did not. I recently began changing my needles after each large project or after two small projects, and wow, the difference in hand fatigue is mind-blowing! My issue with sewing by hand has been the wear and tear on my hands, particularly some on my finger joints, which felt exhausted after hours of pushing the needle through the fabric – apparently that’s not how it is supposed to be. The needle should glide; cheap needles or needles that are dulled from use will not do this. I feel like a silly goose.

Now that I know and have experienced the difference between fresh needles and started purchasing DMC needles from my local fabric shop, I am sewing more. Most importantly, my hands are happy, my stitches are small and straighter – it’s like night and day. The needle glides into the fabric and through to the other side with minimal pressure, my thread is not getting tangled, and I am sewing with more efficiency. If you sew, go change your needles.

Shear Maintenance

Did you know you should oil and sharpen your fabric shears? I did not. It’s such a simple concept, though. Own thing, use thing, repair thing, use thing more. Repeat. What’s silly is that, in our disposable culture, I thought fabric scissors had a lifespan and had to be replaced once they dulled from wear. But regular maintenance, like a car, keeps them around and working well.

I keep my scissors crisp by cutting aluminum foil from time to time. I oil my shears with a towel, very carefully. Please don’t cut yourself like I did the first time.

Know About Me: Fabric Edition

Kill the doubt, I don’t want it, kill the fear, I don’t want it
Kill the rule, I don’t want it, kill the end, I don’t want it

Let me show you that, show you that, mm-mm
Know about me…

Let me show you that, show you that, mm-mm
Know about me (know about me, that’s that)

– Nmixx, Fe:304 Forward

Researching fabric is important, but when you are first getting started, you feel overwhelmed and like you’ll never be able to cram all this knowledge into your head. There are a lot of fabric types! With two main families – woven and knit that separate into a myriad of options that will make your head spin. But truly, what will make your head spin more is not buying the proper fabric for the project at hand, with one caveat being in the beginning. When you are truly beginning, you just gotta see what is cheap or available because you are going to mess up – don’t use the good or expensive stuff to keep yourself from heartbreak.

I’ve started researching any fabric I am looking at to know if this textile will be applicable for the idea I have in my head, and pivot based on the information I glean. I thought it would be time-consuming, but it’s not. It saves money and fabric from being wasted in the chaos of choosing an incompatible fabric for your garment plan. You don’t want a stretch when you need a structured fabric. When you need opaqueness, a sheer fabric would throw a wrench in your plans. Fabrics, like people, have their own character, attributes, and talents. It’s more of a matchmaking process than just adding to the cart.

Ask a human. Ask a reputable website. Don’t ask ChatGPT. OpenAI is a little busy now with its Department of War contract, but don’t worry, they “promise” not to do mass surveillance or help create automatic weapons.

Hand Posture

I learned this final tip from Abby Cox and Nicole Rudolph during a TikTok Sewing Tutorial Reaction video. Sewing hand posture will determine your sewing experience. Whether you can sew for hours or for half an hour before you need a break. I used to sew with a hand-straining posture that created wrist, hand, and finger discomfort. Pulling the needle to the side, horizontally, reduces strain compared to pulling upward. It uses a light wrist flicking motion. Similarly, holding the fabric to the side with your wrist loosely bent will keep your hands relaxed and reduce hand strain. I have applied this new hand posture to my sewing, and it was a game-changer. I’m not surprised that I was doing it wrong. I am self-taught, but dang, the ability to sew a pair of pants by hand without hand strain was incredible!

I hope these sewing tips help you as much as they helped me. I wish you happy sewing!

March 26, 2026

The Brilliance of Dress Up and Styling Games

Something I didn’t expect when I began playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons was how much it would evoke memories of playing dress-up and room styling flash games as a kid. Specifically, the Lizzie McGuire, My Scene, and Fashion Polly games. Although early ACNH gameplay surrounds building an island community and infrastructure, the longer you spend on your island, the more you decorate. Either the island itself, your house, islander houses, vacation homes, or, recently, hotel rooms. Styling your character gets a lot of in-game attention, too, from the hair and eye customization upgrades from Nook Miles, or the daily offerings from Able Sisters – you are motivated to play dress up. Sometimes, receiving Nook Miles for the simple act of changing your outfit. That is perfectly fine with me!

Moving away from flash games of my tweens, and into reading fashion magazines in my teens and 20s, it wasn’t as fun just looking at the fashion – I wanted to experiment. Which, I think, translates to a lot of us as shopping, because playing games is seen as childish. Since playing ACNH, I have found a new outlet to express the creative itch that has helped me explore my own personal style without playing into the shopping addiction that the current culture is infected with. Not to say I am immune, throughout college and too far into my adult life, I was stuck in a cycle of emotional spending and trend chasing. Most of the jobs I had were terrible, and that fed into the idea of treating myself as a trade-off. Not wise, nor was it satisfying.

Looking back on that time, playing around with different outfits and designing rooms, like I used to as a tween, was what I was looking for. Something to clear my head or try new things, without hauling new items or overhauling my living spaces. I think renting fed into this need to design a space that felt like me. I missed the customization of my childhood bedroom, in shades of purple with a wall of curated fashion ads pulled from Vogue, W, and Harper’s Bazaar. Although thankful for a roof over my head, those cookie-cutter rentals of beige and white feel soulless on purpose; they are not designed to have design.

Before ACNH was released in 2020, there was The Sims 4, which I played at the end of the 2010s and sort of satisfied my design game wishes. House building and customization were by far my favorite parts of gameplay. The clothing options were okay, sometimes a bit stifling because you dressed your sim for occasions and not simply to change the outfit. But my main gripe with The Sims 4 is the paywall DLC. How many gamepacks do you need to make it worth it? And how much money must you spend to get the full experience? It’s quite frustrating to get minimal variety from the base game, which you pay for just to spend money again and again to expand the catalog of clothing, hair, furniture, etc. It’s ridiculous!

Although ACNH costs 60 USD, you get a vast catalog of items, with one DLC game expansion – Happy Home Paradise for 20 USD. Some features are behind a Nintendo Online Membership, like Dreaming, Zelda items, Hello Kitty items, Nintendo throwback games, and Amibos, but nothing compared to The Sims 4. The game can be played daily without these elements and not feel like your catalog is incomplete, in my opinion.

The clothing catalog from ACNH is vast, with clothing for all seasons, from various cultures, and for specific occasions like professions or holiday offerings. When the shopping bug is eating at me, I like going on the game and buying a new outfit from Able Sisters with the imaginary currency of Bells. Even the act of dressing my house up or my character in a gameplay session can clear my head from wanting new things. The game provides that space to create and change it up that my mind desires, but keeps it to the sandbox. And isn’t that the point of most impulse purchases? We are chasing the feeling of new, so why spend real-life resources to consume endlessly? Just play a game.

What about curating your wardrobe or trying a new aesthetic? ACNH thrives on a perfectly curated aesthetic! The game literally awards you points each week, for the design level of your home. What I think has helped me the most, though, to push out the intrusive, trendy thoughts and find my style, is building a capsule wardrobe for my character and then changing it up. When I am feeling stuck in a design rut, I can explore outfits and a specific style through the game.

As you can see from these images of my character and her current wardrobe, I’ve been in a more casual mood in the game and in real life lately. I’ve been wearing casual separates, but that might be because my character had the outfits first. When I was in my dress phase, my character wore fancy, frilly dresses.

Is the clothing groundbreaking? No, but it’s darling. Look at that froggy tee! You can play around with different styles, such as these three outfits below. From left to right – Addams Family, Red Velvet’s Cosmic music video, and trying a style from another culture. That is one of my favorite parts of the game, getting the chance to style clothing from around the world in the context of my ACNH character.

Finally, ACNH has one specific style contribution to my wardrobe – hats, shoes, and bags. This game has retrained my brain to accessorize. Sometimes I clash with an unexpected combo – and I have learned the art of doing that before I buy or create in real life. I always have a hat when I leave the house. I never used to do that. Look at this inspiration, though! My outfits on Honeycrisp and in real life feel incomplete without the eclectic bag, statement hat, and an interesting pair of shoes.

So if you are feeling stuck in your style or struggling with overconsumption, may I suggest playing a game?

March 23, 2026

How I Duplicated My Favorite Pair of Pants

Have you noticed I am not sewing as much as I used to? As Marie Kondo instructs, if it doesn’t bring you joy, let it go. That’s been my relationship with sewing, honestly, since 2024. Sewing and I had hit a rough patch in our relationship. No longer in the euphoric beginning, nor going deeper and bonding through the big sewing wins. We were burned out in the grind of sewing, striving to be better but lacking the proper knowledge to do so. Therefore, we’ve been on a break – off and on since 2025, and it’s been good.

It’s given me time to reflect on what I want to pursue, sewing, specializing, and what I feel like I should make because of the internet. It’s given me time to ponder what drives me to make my own clothes. When I began sewing, I was intrigued by historical styles, and then I drifted into more feminine items like dresses, blouses, and skirts. Shorts and pants were made and quickly cut up for scrap because they were such enigmas for my mind to understand. On this break, I’ve given myself room to figure out what I like to wear, which is key to sewing your own clothes. You can chase all the trendy patterns and styles, but if you don’t want to wear them, then you have a very expensive wardrobe of your own sweat equity that is useless to you. My desire was to break this cycle.

Going into 2023, I wasn’t sure what to make anymore or what I wanted to sew, but I felt this compulsion to keep going because I was so committed to this new hobby. A hobby I wanted to become my future career. It’s been in the midst of the slowdown that my artistic point of view has recalibrated. I like pants (trousers), overalls (dungarees), denim (dungarees), comfortable silhouettes like that of Lucy & Yak, and that is what I want to make.

This has only intensified since the Trad Wife trend co-opted the flouncy dresses, giving me the ick at the thought of associating with something I have always strived to avoid. Growing up in communities dominated by the Reformed Presbyterian church (a denomination I do not belong to and never shall) and Christian Nationalism spreading its snakey tendrils throughout the Christian bubble – I want nothing to do with the Trad Wife and all it represents.

That brings us to the present day, March 2026. After 2 years of sitting in my fabric stash, I finally started to cut the trouser fabric I bought to make my own pants in 2024. Too intimidated by my own past failure, I let it hide in my crafting closet, all of 2025, for fear of failing again. I did fail at pants in September 2025 with another fabric, so it was not unfounded fear. But what is the point of living in fear, especially for something so small? Would I learn that I am not very good at sewing? Sure, and who cares?! Is crafting a competition? No. It’s about making incremental steps towards success through practice.

For my birthday, Kyle gave me two garments from Lucy & Yak, something I had dreamed of since 2019. A pair of denim dungarees and a pair of corduroy pants. And you know what I thought of looking at them folded? What a lovely thing to take a pattern from. Use brown craft paper or wrapping paper, and feel free. I traced methodically, marking the seam allowance, and back from the front pattern piece. I carefully laid out my pattern, mirroring the right and left pieces for the front and back. Then, over two weeks, I slowly sewed these pants together by hand with a fresh sewing needle, which makes all the difference. Don’t be cheap like I used to be; buy new needles regularly to save your hands. Sew with courage, because this might be the time it all clicks. What if you never let yourself succeed? That would be more terrible than failing again at doing the hard thing.

I wish you happy sewing and good-fitting pants that make you smile every time you wear them.