Category: Blog

Breakfast Table Wisdom

Q: Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?

A: PROVERBS 3:5-6

At the breakfast table, on my placemat next to a bowl of cereal and a glass of juice, Papa would leave half a banana. I’m not sure when this tradition started but each morning, he would split a banana with me. He was always willing to share anything he had with me, including wisdom.

By the time I wandered downstairs, sleepy-eyed and wishing it was still night, my chipper, morning-person Papa would be done with his breakfast and reading the paper. Waiting for me. Never waiting in impatience, waiting in such a warm and mentoring way. He wanted to know what was on my mind, was there a test at school that day to pray for or an event with friends that I was looking forward to? He took the job of raising me, as a substitute dad very seriously.

Around that breakfast table, Papa would prepare me for the day ahead not just with food but with cultivating a wise mindset. Before he ate breakfast, while I was still sleeping, he and Grandma would do their morning Bible study together. It was a ritual that as an adult my husband and I try to emulate. It was from this time with the Lord that I understand how Papa had so much wisdom to pour into me at those breakfast chats.

Lean Not, On Your Own Understanding

A verse that has become my favorite, a nugget of wisdom that I seek to live by, is Proverbs 3:5-6. It was a verse that came up often at those morning meals, so much so that I memorized the verses simply by hearing this piece of wisdom over and over throughout the years.

As a child, I absorbed it but did not understand it. As a teen I scoffed at it, in college I ignored it, and as a floundering young adult, I clung to it.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

I thought it was just a bunch of rules, another way to feel like I had no agency in my life and so as a hubris-filled teen I didn’t want to submit my way to God’s way. “I am the master of my fate,  I am the captain of my soul.” William Earnest Henley writes in his poem, Invictus. As young people, I think we are so keen to believe the world stretches out before us. We are told that by media, secular books, and movies. I think we believe it because it makes us feel powerful and less overwhelmed by the future that awaits us. Because we don’t know the future, we can only guess what tomorrow will bring. We are not in control at all. And when the world knocks you down, and changes the path you chose to a path that fails you, being the master of your fate rings hollow.

The illusion of being in control makes you realize how small you really are. The individualistic culture of the United States sells you a false promise of control that living for yourself and pursuing what’s best for you above all will bring you ultimate happiness. It directly contradicts what Papa was teaching me with our morning chats, and pulled me into a path that was not straight, but twisty and shadowed. As a chronic overthinker, Proverbs 3:5-6 didn’t appear to me as the safer option because in its message it challenges you to drop your worries at the feet of the Lord and rely on Him to give you directions on where you should go.

As an overthinker, the process calms me down not the result, thinking and obsessing about what to do next keeps my mind busy, and so I misbelieve this is the way to peace. When indeed, as someone who now strives to live according to Proverbs 3:5-6, the cycle of overthinking is just a distraction. It is not peaceful or profitable.

Don’t Try to Figure Everything Out

What has made me feel strong in those weak moments has surprisingly enough been submitting to the Lord and not leaning on my own understanding; because I learned over a string of mistakes that my understanding is flawed. I’ve learned that I play a short game while God is playing the long one. He is playing chess while I’m playing checkers. I simply cannot perceive all He has in store for me. And unless I get out of God’s way and let Him lead me, I’m going to miss out on His will and His process, like being at peace in the middle of uncertainty.

My grandma, like me, was an overthinker, at times a bit of a control freak like myself. She struggled with submitting her concerns and desires to God, but when should tell me about her struggles she would bring up Proverbs 3:5-6 and I believe she was reminding me as much as she was reminding herself. Papa was a worrier, which I struggle with. I see now that He was probably passing this verse down to me because He could see my penchant to worry and wanted to give me a tool to thrive when worry washed over me.

At the time, I thought He was just putting a challenge in front of me, but now I see he was instilling godly wisdom around that breakfast table. I see now that as much as Proverbs 3:5-6 was for being brought up for me at those breakfast chats, it was a reminder for Grandma and Papa too. When the time came to learn how to keep living without Papa, Grandma and I clung to Proverbs 3:5-6. I even have a few voicemails from her reminding herself and myself not to try to figure everything out but to lean on the Lord for guidance.

Now that she is gone too, I have wondered who is going to remind me? When I am feeling stuck, wishing I could ask either Papa or Grandma for advice, I have worried about who will keep me directed on the right path in those key moments? Ironically enough, I am forgetting who said those words of Proverbs 3:5-6 in the first place. The Lord. And the Lord has reminded me when I am stuck. He replays His words of wisdom in my mind. Because He is such a comforting and loving God He reminds me in such a dear way. I hear Papa’s wisdom at the breakfast table, and Grandma’s reminders when it gets tough, the memories of their voices saying to rely on the Lord for He will make your paths straight.

This is why I live by this quote. What quote do you live by? Did a mentor instill in you, wisdom that you still rely on today? Have you had the chance to mentor and pass wisdom down to others?

#20 – A Beethoven Milestone

When I moved to coastal Georgia, it was a big, unknown kind of step. New family, new culture, new job description, new kind of humidity I’d only heard of. It was disorienting at times, exhilarating at others. Yet it made me perceive what really made me feel at home. I realized it was a piano. No really, a piano.

Life of a Piano Teacher’s Kid

When I was very little my mom and I moved in with my grandparents, at the time my grandma was a full-time piano teacher. My grandma’s living room had not one but two pianos – an upright piano and a grand piano. Due to wear and tear, the two consolidated down to one new grand piano that filled the house with music from 6:00 am to 6:00 pm during the week. My breakfast routine included the broken melodies of piano lessons and a bowl of cereal. At the time, I would grow tired of the piano music, but as an adult, I look back on those days with fondness.

Something that I think is interesting, is that before I left for Georgia, my grandma gave me my old piano lesson books that she kept from my failed lessons in 2nd grade. I thought that was really sweet, and I think a bit of comfort from the Lord because I did not anticipate how hard homesickness was going to hit 6 weeks into my new life. I was all settled into a nice apartment and little community, a new church, and a new side of the family to hang out with, yet bam I was thrown into this wave of sadness.

I felt like part of me was missing. For some reason, those piano lessons came to my mind and, all I wanted was to hear the piano music again.

I would say before this point I appreciated classical music but it wasn’t a regular rotation within my Spotify profile, it then became my comfort music with Claire Hwangci’s Rachmaninoff Preludes album being one of my favorites. My grandma used to play Rachmaninoff, Chopin, Brahms, and Beethoven. Moonlight Sonata was one of her favorites. Since then I’ve been determined to learn piano, one day. The problem was the keyboard I had access to was pretty busted, with a whole octave not registering noise when I tried to play.

Grandma encouraged me to keep going even if my keyboard was not great, she was thrilled that I felt the call back to music lessons.

We eventually moved back to Pennsylvania, and as the ebb and flow of my time changed, I had a lot more time to practice in my new routine. The problem was I lacked discipline and was a lazy student. Instead of seeking to learn musical theory again, I went to my Pinterest and YouTube feed, to find quick learning techniques. Watered down piano guides and on Pinterest, I literally found pins that were just the notes in sequence. I learned a watered-down version of Hedwig’s Theme, The Phantom of the Opera Overture, and Jurassic Park. It was a good way to gain quick satisfaction, and it was a blast to hear the piano music again.

It filled my heart a bit fuller again when I felt empty.

The Yamaha P-45

Fast forward to 2023, I had let the broken keyboard go and was keeping my eye out for a used free piano on Craigslist, but truly my current rental is too small to accommodate such an instrument. But something really cool happened, Kyle found a music shop nearby and encouraged us to go. He was on the hunt for an electric guitar. The music shop was incredible. It smelled like all the piano shops I had gone to with my grandma as a kid. A flood of memories came back, warmth deep in my heart. With great surprise, they carried something that would make me feel reconnected with my past – a digital piano with weighted keys that felt the same as my grandma’s grand piano!

Since she passed away in December 2022, I’ve felt a bigger emptiness in my heart. A vast homesickness that can’t be solved until I move on from this world. But, when I put my hand on those keys, the expanse felt a bit smaller. Have you ever felt that way? It’s this pure bliss of memory that is like a big hug to your weary heart.

There is one elephant in the room, pianos even digital ones are quite expensive.

Like, it’s not an impulse purchase. But that is where another principal comes in – delayed gratification. Over several months and previous months of careful saving, we were able to purchase the digital piano and stand. Through the process of waiting, saving, and dreaming, I was primed and ready to dive in and be a committed student. This was not going to be a repeat of my previous tries, I even bought a piano theory book!

To my surprise, all those mornings of eating breakfast to the accompaniment of piano lessons, some of those lessons stuck.

The book is teaching me musical theory, treble and bass clef, and how to read music – the foundation. And the foundation is jogging my memory to all the little techniques my grandma used. How to navigate the guide notes, how to skip thirds, and to make sure to not play by ear but truly understand the technique of what I am doing, and have good form with my fingers. Although sometimes I get sad that she doesn’t get to know this part of me, through my memories, I feel as though I am still getting to do this with her.

Crescendo

Sunday I felt the peak of my piano success, a real milestone. I have been diligently playing through my lesson book, learning and repeating the instructional songs, even if I feel like I know them. I want to remember and have the skills not hubris. And so, to begin my lesson I went back a few pages, as I do. I played through the French Minuet sample, a bit of Mozart samples, onto Home on the Range, through a taste of bass clef practice. Moving to the understanding of C Pentascale, on to let’s play hands together up to a bigger octave. I am so engrossed in my lesson that I begin to play a familiar tune without stopping to see what it was. I moved on to this song, not thinking much of it because I’m learning here, really getting it and somehow I am playing hands together! With a rhythm and respect to the time signature, who are these hands? But my hands, are uncoordinated and frustrating! They don’t do this, right?

I feel the same thrill that came when I drove our standard transmission for the first time in top gear. It feels good.

Then I stopped to notice, hey, this is my first Beethoven piece.

A simplified version of Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9, Ode to Joy or the Hymn ‘Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee’ depending on your context. What a milestone! I wanted to learn how to play the piano, with theory and discipline, and learn not a popular tune but a classic. In that moment I understood why good things take time. It is a craft. It cannot be rushed.

I look forward to my next piano milestone!

Sewing the 1890s Aesthetic

Red Dead Redemption 2 was not a game I thought I would love or even appreciate. In fact, I’ve never played it myself, I’ve only watched my husband play, and seriously, I enjoy watching him play. The world created in the second game is so immersive and aesthetically pleasing that my dress historian heart sings when I see the detail and research the developers put into making Arthur Morgan and the cast of characters feel well-placed in a game of re-imagined history.

The 1890s have long been a favored period for me. From the popularity of the Gibson Girl look to the Anne of Green Gables movies, puff sleeves, bicycle jackets, and the pigeon breast silhouette with long walking skirts have long captured my imagination. Maybe it was the years of seeing these portraits of my 1890s ancestors above the mantel at my grandparents’ house. Or this Gibson Girl-inspired painting in my Grandma’s bedroom. It made an impact on my appreciation for this time period and design aesthetic.

There is such a quintessential Victorian-ness about it. But also this aura of possibility. The world was changing rapidly during this time through industrialization the Gilded Age brought splendor and wonder. The Arts and Crafts Movement was at its height which is why I think I am so drawn to this style. Arts and Crafts era houses are among my favorite styles of architecture, bringing forth the Craftsman style along with Frank Lloyd Wright’s prairie style. Maybe it was growing up in an old Victorian house too?

And so this game, Red Dead Redemption 2 with its 1899 time stamp and varied styles of architecture has brought me so much joy and comfort. Even the Bayou Nwa of Lemoyne is a delightful reminder of my time living in coastal Georgia. Especially the alligators, which seemed to lurk in every body of water. But those cypress trees still call, like the delightful menswear of Arthur Morgan’s wardrobe, and the wonderfully decorated towns of St. Denis, Strawberry, Rhodes, Valentine, Annesburg, and Blackwater. And so I find myself sewing Arthur Morgan-inspired pieces, for both myself and my husband. Who knows where inspiration will find you? I certainly didn’t think a Rockstar-developed video game would bring me such joy and fashion design inspiration. But it truly shows that inspiration is everywhere if you take the time to appreciate it.

L to R: 1890s long underwear-inspired dress, Vest with high neck in the 1890s tailoring style, Exaggerated 1890s menswear stripe pants

ATEEZ’s Don’t Stop M/V is a Masterpiece

My first comeback experience for the South Korean boy band ATEEZ was for their single Don’t Stop. I gave their music a try thanks to the recommendation of Katie from Steal the Spotlight. What was at the time a random song pick, has become a piece of fashion inspiration that I could watch on repeat and my journey to becoming a new member of Atiny.

Ateez debuted on October 24, 2018, with the song ‘Pirate King’ and incorporated the pirate aesthetic into their lightstick, insignias, and this video, ‘Don’t Stop’. I love the pirate aesthetic, with The Pirates of the Caribbean series being one of my favorites for costume design. In the music video ‘Don’t Stop’ the pirate aesthetic is mixed with an Ocean’s Eleven style heist framework making this a perfect match for me!

Pirates on a Quest for Redemption

The scene begins with a beaten and bruised Mingi being thrown from a car that later blows up. Cut to Hongjoong, seated at a grand piano in a pirate-esque coat with a compass insignia looking at a pirate ship model, with the implication of loss and frustration.

In the shadow of night, we meet Seonghwa, Jongho, Yeosang, and Yunho as they break into a pawn shop. This is no ordinary pawn shop but one containing a pirate-style sword and a skull. In pure Ocean’s Eleven style, they break into the vault of I assume the guys who took Mingi to retrieve the title for their pirate ship. I believe Yunho wears the jacket with a skeleton motif, evoking to me the skull and crossbones of a pirate flag but also the ghost pirates of ‘The Curse of the Black Pearl.’

Meanwhile, Wooyoung and San try to take the baddies in a rigged poker game for their spyglass.

Things begin to turn, from the ashes of the blown-up car, Mingi finds a compass that matches the patch on Hongjoong’s coat.

In a fit of despair, Hongjoong, aka the Captain, throws an oil lantern off the piano he stands on, next to the pirate ship, and it looks as though he is going down with the ship in a sea of fire. It’s a visually stunning image. Instead, he throws the small pirate ship into the flames that have consumed the piano. The ship shatters, sending an ember upwards into his eye. In spite of the destruction, within the flames and remains of the tiny ship, a skeleton key is seen at the feet of Hongjoong.

The video culminates with Mingi being picked up by Seonghwa, Jongho, Yeosang, and Yunho in an armored car with a pirate king hood ornament reminiscent of the siren on the bow of a pirate ship. San and Wooyoung, winners of the game go to claim their prize but not before the gang seizes the spyglass. At this moment the armored car erupts through the wall to save San and Wooyoung.

When we see Hoongjoong next, he takes his full form as the pirate king with an eye patch. He stumbles down an empty road, in the distance from where he came smoke billows upward. As darkness falls, the crew reunites with Hongjoong to reveal their bounty – the compass, the title to the ship, the looking glass, and a bag full of cash. The video ends with all eight members, changed to pirate-inspired garb, walking towards the camera, past the camera, in search of something bigger. In the distance we see beached on a desert dune, the stern of their pirate ship.

The Fashion is Rich in Details

There are a lot of looks I would like to recreate from this video. By far the standout piece for me is the yellow plaid pants with faux skirt worn by Mingi. They are like punk plaid pants mixed with a kilt in the best way possible. I hope to figure out the pattern someday so that I can sew my own version. Seriously, why is this not a style seen on the runway or the street? It’s such a versatile statement piece.

The lapels, length, and overall cut of Hongjoong’s pirate coat is such a classic outerwear silhouette but with the twist of the graphic print and edgy styling, it looks like a brand-new kind of coat. Because of how much work goes into the tailoring process of making an outerwear garment I love seeing how the right styling can make a piece even more wearable.

San’s sweater with the axe motif and color-blocked sleeves is one of the most unique sweaters I have seen. I hope as my knitting skills improve I can attempt to make a sweater using the techniques and make my own version of his look at the poker game.

Yunho’s skeleton-inspired letterman jacket would be such a great thrift flip. As a girl who grew up with the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise and the “rawr” aesthetic of ‘scene’ being quite popular in my teen years, I have an appreciation for skulls. I even have an Alexander McQueen skull scarf that I think would fit perfectly in the music video.

San and Wooyoung’s final looks of the video shine for me as the pirate core aesthetic has emerged in 2022/2023. It is such a clean and modern interpretation of the romanticized pirate style this aesthetic celebrates. San’s vest to me evokes those little details of the Spanish galleon. The vertical lacing looks like bones from a Jolly Roger flag. The criss-cross lacing evokes the stays and early corsetry of the pirate era and the rigging of the sails.

Wooyoung’s half vest looks like a piece of armor, reminiscent of a holster, but it also bridges the gap between East Asian pirates and Western pirates of the Atlantic. The lacing on his shoulder adds the subtle detail of the classic men’s shirt of the period worn by Western pirates. I also enjoy the contrast of the white shirt, like a sail, and the black of the half vest, like the black flag being raised for an attack.

All in all, I love the fantasy of this music video. Fashion and music can bring out the best in each other when there is a clear vision. The stylist for Ateez continually inspires me to push my own style further and excites me for the day when I can construct garments with the level of care that is seen on the band members.

#19 – Canning, No Reservations, Gratitude

We had a busy weekend, many canning projects to preserve, and some errands to run. The usual weekend things. I’ve noticed the more hobbies my husband and I take on, the happier we are because there is just something enticing to us about going to bed worn out from the hard work with a smile of accomplishment on our faces. I’ve started to keep a journal of our weekends, how we did the projects, and little details that happened – like little silly things that make me smile or how we put the recipes together. Having that little record of these weekends that otherwise could be a blur of repetition and hard work makes all these moments spent with Kyle, sweeter.

Friday Sunshine

I want to remember those tiny drops of sunshine moments that make life a remarkable story. To slow down and think through those bits of joy sprinkled within the mundane and chaotic. On Friday after work, we stopped by our local Aldi to pick up potatoes and vegetables to preserve and the mushrooms we wanted were in stock and $0.99 a carton. The sun was warm, bright, and revealing the splendor of summer to come. We drove with the windows down listening to Babel by Mumford and Sons – a college throwback.

Moderngurlz posted a banger of a video about Chanel and I spent my late afternoon soaking in the sounds of nature while I wrapped up a panel of a sweater tank. In the golden hour, my next-door neighbor, a good friend texted me and I stopped by for a visit – I love those moments of fellowship and Kpop discussion. Her daughter had a fundraiser for her school and I had the opportunity to participate in what makes communities great – helping each other. That evening we watched round one of the Pro Bull Riding Tour in Everett, Washington. My favorite animal athlete Domino had a good out, and the Cowboys got a few qualified rides but mostly injuries.

Saturday Fluff

I started the day with the newest Bernadette Banner upload on corsetry and a bowl of fresh kiwi, scone, and dairy-free whipped cream. On Saturday, the weather became a whole new season. It was the misty, cool gray of an Irish day. With rain jacket in tow, we went to Walmart which is not my favorite place on a Saturday – because it seems to be everyone’s favorite place on a Saturday – it was the most happening place in town. Despite the crowd, we met the nicest employee who helped us match some paint. Well we tried to match some paint and it didn’t go as planned but those moments of searching for the right color formula for the paint shade “Reindeer Fur” while discussing the quirks of horse hair plaster were a joy. Like watching an episode of Gilmore Girls, the small-town charm peaked.

My favorite place to run an errand is the Agway store. What is Agway? A local feed supply, pet, and garden store that dots the South Western Pennsylvania landscape. It has the garden things that you actually need and knowledgable people, it has the smells from hay, to fish food, to blood meal fertilizer – the funkiest garden smell. It also has bunnies and ferrets! I used to have a pet bunny, and my friend had a pet ferret, I love small furry creatures so this place gives me all the feels. I want to adopt another bunny, yet our current rental does not allow pets so for now I soak up the small moments of bunny cuteness at the Agway. This time did not disappoint! I got to hear the bun nibble on a small snack, flop on her bed and make some teeth purr chatter as she drifted off to a nice nap. I also got to pet a ferret! The employees regularly tend to any animals they have and so while the employee was playing with one of the ferrets she called me over to give the ferret some attention. It did try to bite me but it was still cute.

Later on, the day was a symphony of potato peels, random snacks, canning jars, and episodes of No Reservations. The Ozarks and Heartland episodes. Recently, Domino’s opened a store in my town, one of the only delivery places I can eat at since I have a dairy/beef intolerance. My food of choice is Mango Habanero Wings. Not having to cook was a delight but then our delivery driver showed up in a sweet street-style look with bright orange sneakers and a black and white camo coat. The fashion scene around here is pretty dull, so seeing anyone mix it up gives me a small delight. In the late hours of canning, we caught a live show on Sirius XM The Message from Blessing Offor. His music is uplifting and soulful. Highly recommend checking him out. With a cup of Chamomille tea in hand, the night ended with a Simple Living Alaska video. A great way to end a long day of hard work.

Sunday Steam

A dish I make a lot is Miso Soup, a dish you need a good broth to layer as the base. A pantry staple Kyle and I have wanted to learn is the art of crafting a layered, umami-bomb-style, broth. I’m happy to say, it turned out well! Adding another table to our canning setup made the difference, there was so much counter space this time. We spent the day chopping, stirring, and managing the steam emanating from the kitchen.

I leveled up in my piano lesson book to Unit Five. The short round of the PBR was theatrical to the end. I sewed my sweater tank together and began the final panel. We watched a mix of No Reservations and Hometown. I dreamed of wallpapering a future historical house like Erin and maybe visiting Africa one day, while taking in Anthony Bourdain’s travels through Namibia and Ghana. At the end of the day, I reveled in a bowl of noodles with fresh broth and tried to not think of The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova as we enjoyed the Romania episode of No Reservations. T’was a good weekend.

#18 – Mandalorian Mindset

*Hello there, the following post contains spoilers.*

I was reminded of something this week as I watched the latest episode of The Mandalorian: how life changes. And how those changes shape our current circumstances and then affect how we consume stories. It will then affect why we return to the table to consume the food of the story, how often we return, and why we need the thrill of the escape. It changes how we experience the taste of the tale. But over time our palettes change and our appetites lead us to crave different plots. This I forgot. 

I enjoyed the rogue direction of the third season. I know that is not a popular opinion, but watch the Clone Wars series and then you will see the value of this season. The Clone Wars animated series showcases Mandalore as it was, and Bo-Katan Kriese as she was before the purge. It makes a complete song out of little melodies of Mandalore sprinkled in the Star Wars universe. So with that in mind, I came to the table of Season 3, Episode 7 expecting one thing and left the table with indigestion ready to flip the table and walk away.

Because I was looking for something not really found in the Star Wars universe – hope and happiness. 

It is not a cozy world and that used to be part of the Star Wars adventure for me. It was a rush to watch the epic struggle between the empire and the rebels, yet after a devastating 2020 and a dangerous beginning to 2021, I experienced a lot of personal adventure and personal loss. I felt a bit like I landed on the wrong side of the battle and lost my sure footing. I have been looking for more wins in what media I consume to escape the reality of life. Simply put, my appetite has been craving cozy and comforting. Stories where good triumphs over evil. Because let’s be honest, after seeing what Russia has done in Ukraine and China in Hong Kong, do we really need more reminders of what the Empire-like structures are capable of? But that is not what Stars Wars is about, I was making it about me and what I want, and I the viewer forgot what cuisine I signed up for. 

As a highly sensitive person, I take in the emotion of whatever environment I’m in. I absorb the world like a sponge. This has good and bad connotations. I will empathize with your victories and will feel distraught by the pain of losses. With this in mind, watching the final scenes of “The Spies” was quite a lot for me. I was stuck where I sat and felt the wave of loss wash over me like it was happening in real life. I was so absorbed in the story I was reminded of times I have lost someone unjustly, the times my dad felt ripped from my life and I cried as the final blows came from the Red Guards.

I forgot to watch gently and prepare myself for the Star Wars formula of disrupting families, and the balance of good and evil which means evil never really disappears. In comparison to my study of the Bible in the past few years, I’ve gotten used to and even comfortable remembering that evil never wins and death is defeated. That doesn’t jive with Star Wars. It’s like in the Clone Wars, getting so attached to Anakin, Ahsoka, and Obi-Wan as a unit. Nothing lasts forever in the Star Wars universe, and so the good will be balanced with the bad. Revenge of the Sith does come and unity is replaced with division. 

What was so weird about this experience was that I realized how much I have changed and grown since I began watching The Mandalorian in 2020. In the break between December 2020 and March 2023, I became a different person and my life took a different shape. My wants for my life and my eyes for the world have been transformed by the Word of God and I found myself arguing in my head with the writers of The Mandalorian for their storytelling choices to continue the story arc of loss and suffering for these characters I truly love. But what I was arguing for in my head would not make the tale of Star Wars authentic anymore. It is the way it is for a reason.

But that is the point I was missing, it is a story and not real life, and the loss and suffering are not real. Because it is a story, it is teaching us something, communicating something. I think the key I was missing was that the characters of the Star Wars universe are fighters, they keep going when they are outnumbered.

They fight against the odds and choose to persevere when it doesn’t make sense to keep trying. That is a good thing.

We too easily give up on life when the hard things come. We are too easily discouraged by the fight ahead and do not show up with the heart to continue pressing on. I admire that kind of courage! I desire that kind of strength and perseverance. We are reminded by the story of Star Wars to never lose the rebel spirit and that is what makes the story so good. This is the way.

#17 – Bad Writing Habits

Do you ever struggle with bad habits when you create? I do. I have the tendency to write from a place of pain or darkness and think the pain will create better art. You know, that tortured artist thing that our cultures celebrate. I get stuck in such a trap of that. I try to follow and write what I know but then if I am going through a day that reminds me of former pain my mind will get bogged down in that creative darkness and make things that I don’t like.

Everything is Content

Today, for instance, I spent the morning writing an essay about Prince Zuko that should have worked and instead of writing clear, introspection on his character it became a deep and personal comparison to things I see in my own family dysfunction that are not in line with the vision I have for this blog. I was proud of the piece until I asked my husband to read over it, and I became so embarrassed of the thoughts I had on the page, the emotional tapestry I wove, and that got me thinking are we getting too comfortable with oversharing in our modern age?

Like, if I’m not comfortable discussing such a personal and painful topic with my husband, who is my best friend, why would I think that would be a good piece of writing to share on the internet? It’s bizarre how social media has rewired our brains to view not just pain as art but pain as content. Take for example the popularity of the “Storytime era” on Youtube, making this personal content brought in huge views for creators but exposed the private lives and relationships of these creators to the general public. I’ve seen follow-up videos from such creators where they express regret for revealing so much information and the consequences this had on their relationships.

Joy > Pain

A friend of mine challenged me to write from a place of joy instead of pain, and I think her words are more profound than I realized. I think we should celebrate joyful, uplifting content as much as we do emotional, heartbreaking content. Learning the art of creating from a healthy place is far more valuable than we give credit to.

But when I stop and think about it, in this broken world and its 24-hour news cycle, I find myself gravitating toward comforting things. So if I choose to seek out calming and uplifting stories, why should default to making content that I would not seek out? It doesn’t make sense. That’s probably why, it’s my bad habit. And why I am struggling to write fiction again.

Because it takes guts to move beyond the habits and the easy, clickbait-style content and make good, useful things that may not receive the same appreciation but are better for the world, in my opinion. That’s not to say I don’t think honest, truth-speaking writing is always going to be comfortable or uplifting, that’s nonsense. Some of the most important pieces of writing are not comfortable reads, they challenge us. What I am saying is, I think my bad habit holds me back from making better art with my words.

Lost Art of Thinking

Something I realized today after I trashed my draft and saw that I had lost hours of productivity, was that I didn’t lose time or productivity after all. I had written something great but placed the piece in the wrong category in my mind.

For me, I was writing a post that would be shared and would be a useful thing for this blog, but in actuality, it was a helpful piece of journaling for me to get my private thoughts out on the page. Journaling is the right application for those kinds of pieces, it is what I am comfortable with and in writing privately I am not wasting my time. I’m getting thoughts out on the page and clearing my mind for better things. It is refreshing my mind in a creative sense.

Not everything has to be made for a purpose bigger than making it. Not all thoughts have to be shared. Social media platforms encourage us to do that, even reward us, but that is not the whole truth. Sometimes taking the time to meditate and think will produce greater fruit than putting the original thought out on social media.

I can feel how the last ten years have shifted my brain to create differently because of social media, and I’m not sure if it is a good thing. I’m glad I gained the confidence to share at all on these platforms, but I don’t want to be so comfortable that I forget to slow down and consider the thing I am making. I want to make things that matter, regardless of how well they may or may not perform.

Dear reader, what do you think? Do you agree with my thoughts on my creative bad habit? Do you have any bad habits of your own? Thanks for spending time with me today. I wish you happy and healthy creating!

#16 – Florence, a True Friend

I was looking for an image on Unsplash, something that would represent such a special lady. We had such a short time together that I realized I didn’t have a photo with her. But I was thinking about what she taught me, what she loved, and I remembered a conversation we had a few years ago about the changing seasons. I love fall, from the sights of painted fiery leaves to the crisp air. I find it to be a spectacular beauty, but she said that fall has always made her sad since she was a little girl. Florence said something that stuck with me, “I don’t like fall because you are watching all the beautiful leaves and flowers die away. Spring has always been my favorite because everything comes back to life.” I hadn’t thought about that way before. Now, as she is gone and I see signs of spring everywhere I look, I feel the warmth of her friendship in the flowers that seem to pop up anywhere and everywhere. The birds that call and the trees that bud, it is beautiful.

She was my great aunt, two generations older than me, but someone that understood how my mind worked better than any relative ever had. She just got me. I got to know her as an adult after I moved back to the Greater Pittsburgh Area in 2021, not long after her husband passed away. She was my grandma’s younger sister, and I was drawn to her company after losing my mentor, my grandma. But what I discovered was a warm friendship, a safe harbor during a time that was a transition to life after death. Through her friendship, I learned how to be a good friend again. To make time for people and open up even if I was feeling low. She would remind me to give as much as I take, which has helped me be brave and seek out new friendships where in the past I would have been too shy to put myself out there.

Florence inspired me to not see the challenges in life as a roadblock but to make the best of the circumstances you have. She had a tenacity and a fierce spirit of adventure, at 80 years old planning a trip back to Ireland to see our relatives at the family farm. As a young adult, she took a solo trip to Europe, in a similar way I did the same when I was 17. She understood the desire to see the world and soak up the wonderful possibilities it had to offer. Florence understood my love to try new food, garden, make my own clothes, and be determined while still treating others with dignity and respect. She empathized with my concerns about starting a business, with the desire to simply give my garments to people who really need them instead of wanting to make a profit. Through her stories, I learned that sewing and food preservation are two skills that I have, that her mom also had. I felt such a connection to my ancestors through our talks, and now I know I am keeping traditions alive. She gifted me my first working sewing machine and set me up for success when I didn’t feel confident enough to take the leap.

I wish we had more time here on Earth, but I am glad to have made such a deep friendship in the time we did have. The lessons she taught me during our time together will bless my life for years to come. I hope to be like her and when I leave this Earth to have made a positive impact on those around me. To inspire love and zest for life in my friends and family. Thank you, dearest friend. You will be missed.

#15 – Pattern Drafting

The most intimidating part of sewing for me has been pattern drafting. Possessing the understanding to draft a pattern for a garment demonstrates the knowledge of how the pieces of the clothes we wear every day are put together, plus having the foresight to sketch out the shapes on the fabric in a 3D form. It’s a lot! But that is how clothing makers have designed and crafted pieces for most of fashion history. Before the paper pattern was made available in the mid-19th century, garment makers had to understand how to create these building blocks.

“All devotees of home sewing should know these two names: Madame Demorest and Ebenezer Butterick. Madame Demorest, wife of a successful New York merchant, was the first pattern maven. In the 1850s, she began selling tissue-paper patterns for home sewers via mail order advertisements in fashion periodicals such as the Ladies Gazette and Godey’s Lady’s Book. Initially, these patterns were ungraded, meaning that the seamstress had to enlarge or reduce the pattern to fit her figure. Garment elements such as sleeves, bodices and skirts were sold individually so that the sewer could create her own dress. In 1860, Madame Demorest began to sell her patterns through her own publication, called The Mirror of Fashion. Patterns were also sold via “Madame Demorest’s Magasins des Modes” shops, of which there were 300 national and international locations by the middle of the 1870s. By the late 1880s, Madame Demorest and her husband had sold their pattern empire and turned their interests to philanthropy. Though Madame Demorest may have been the first to sell tissue-paper patterns, Ebenezer Butterick was the first to sell graded patterns. According to Butterick’s corporate history, Butterick created graded patterns in response to a comment his wife made when sewing a garment for their son. “

Museum, F. (2009, August 4). Sewing patterns. FIDM Museum. https://fidmmuseum.org/2009/08/sewing-patterns.html

What I have challenged myself to do in my journey of sewing is to understand these building blocks to create my unique patterns and connect with the craft of it as a maker. I’m a nerdy person, I love digging into the story beneath what we do. That’s why majoring in History called to me even as my desire was to study fashion. I realized through the mentorship of a great professor that I could understand the motivation behind the garments and how people lived their lives in them which would provide a deeper understanding of fashion history. How cool is that? Since that point in my studies, I’ve craved a deeper connection to clothes. It became more than just an artistic exercise of sketching a design I had in my head, I wanted to understand why fabrics are the way that they are. How trends interacted with culture and history. And so as I was looking to go deeper in 2021, I consumed a lot of Bernadette Banner, Nicole Rudolph, Karolina Zebrowska, Morgan Donner, and Cathy Hay’s content. They dig into the meat of garment construction and silhouette in a way I wasn’t introduced to fashion design by Vogue or Harper’s Bazaar. In doing so I knew, yes paper patterns would be necessary to learn from, but I needed to learn how to draft the shapes in the old way to make things I couldn’t find in the pattern envelopes of Joann Fabrics or Mood’s Sewceity.

For example, the silk halter dress and black and white tank dresses were hand drafted from my own measurements, being draped and cut based on my own form. In comparison, the light blue summer suit above was made with the assistance of two paper patterns to understand the construction of a collared shirt and shorts, two pieces that are essential building blocks of a wardrobe. But after I used the pattern to understand how to shape a collar and cut lines of shorts it was time to go back to drafting what the garment would look like based on my own pattern pieces. Yes, the suit is quite messy and I’m not thrilled with the fit of how it came out. I realized the tailoring was goofy because I deferred too much to a standardized pattern shape and now if I re-made it I could draft the whole pattern by hand according to my own custom measurements.

That is why the learning process of pattern drafting has been such a rewarding quest, it has de-programmed my brain from the effect of standardized sizing and fast fashion. Those pre-made patterns while essential to learn, can’t fit everybody and every shape it’s not possible. My student garments have not been the most flattering or pretty to behold because I am learning the process of fitting, it’s been a slow burn but when it all comes together I can see how much clothing is actually made for an individual instead of a mass market is just so dang luxurious to wear. Even when it is not perfect I’ve felt the reward. The bigger reward though is that because it is a learning process, eventually the tailoring and my construction skill set will catch up to the ideas in my head and my clothes will turn out exactly how I picture them.

I think sometimes we underestimate the effect fast fashion is having on our minds in the way we relate to clothes. We are accepting uncomfortable, cheap-quality, synthetic fabric clothing that is made to be disposable. It is not supposed to be like that. Take this dress featured below, it is made from 100% cotton that I purchased for $4.00 a yard from a quilting fabric store. Because it was a natural material it held up to wear and washing and was breathable. It was such a comfortable fabric to wear in the summer and did not fall apart. The dress I made was drafted according to an older style of skirt, with 10 skirt panels that were tapered to the waist to make the skirt swish, as taught to me by Bernadette Banner’s videos. I then drafted the bodice using historical dress-making techniques from the Victorian era, as taught by Cathy Hay’s videos. This garment fits me better than my wedding dress. Hands down the best-tailored garment I’ve made according to traditional construction techniques! It took me four months to complete, as I was still learning how to sew and draft. It only cost me $16 dollars in fabric although it looked far more expensive when it was done. I guess my point is by sharing this is to share with you, reader, is to share how valuable it can be to learn the old techniques instead of deferring to technology. Let our knowledge and craftsmanship define our creations instead of a piece of technology, like AI. Not all of our modern ways know best. Fast fashion certainly doesn’t!

#14 – Blanket Dress

A satin hem. Rosalina of the Mario universe. A blanket that has been an heirloom for 50 years. Comfort at the final moments. These are ingredients that wove together my inspiration for this unusual dress design.

This was a project of perseverance. I initially wanted to make a long midi dress with a shirttail hem. It was supposed to have a button placket and straps instead of sleeves. The mockup was not pretty! I felt like a thick column of plaid, compared to the easy breezy girl walking the beach I had in my mind.

As a maker, what do you do when the pieces are already cut? There’s no going back. Especially if it is a self-drafted pattern, which it was. You have to sit with it and see the piece for what it has become. Accept that your choices led you to this destination and figure out how to keep moving forward. It’s just like life and how things that happen, good or bad, shape us into the people we are today.

Some days I feel like pattern pieces that don’t fit together, but other days those pieces I can see make something beautiful. It’s all about the perspective we see the world in. Mine comes from God’s word and so I know that God is working all things for the good of His Kingdom. (Romans 8:28)

Making the Best of Things

But how do I apply that to a failing project? I try to see each project as worthy of improvement. Instead of getting frustrated and quitting, I try to give the materials the respect to make the best possible garment out of what the fabric is providing. It was plaid, casual, and oh-so-cozy to the touch! Those are good qualities! So I tried it on again and tucked the skirt so that it hit around the knee- it looked pretty cute! I decided it was time I hacked it off. This part is always nerve-wracking but thankfully I cut it straight.

With the dress in two pieces, the bottom portion of the skirt no longer looked like a skirt. It featured that shirttail hem I mentioned before, which curved like a familiar shape. I realized if I turned them upside down they looked a lot like the curve of a sleeve! A lovely oversized bell sleeve that would insert easily into the already sewn shoulder straps. Perfect.

Looking whimsical already, and giving me Rosalina from Mario vibes, I went digging through my stash for a specific trim – satin blanket edge binding. Suddenly this uncertain design became a dress of nostalgia.

On my bed, since I was a little girl, I had a blanket with a satin edge binding. It was a blanket similar to my grandparents’ one on their bed through 52 years of marriage. When Papa was sick he had a small blanket with a satin blanket edge binding on his hospital bed. He kept it there through the isolation of lockdown. He gave it to me as he passed on, and it now lives in my trunk.

End of Project Wrap Up

This dress even in its upcycled state still had some fit issues that have kept me from wearing it like a closet staple, but this project reminded me that sometimes you got to make things that evoke emotions and memories. Things that make you happy! When I see that style of blanket on my bed I smile because it reminds me of the memories that have shaped me into the person I am today. I know that if they could see this dress my grandparents would be amused and that brightens my day.

In the future, I hope to re-make this dress with either a stretch fabric or a stretch cotton twill that will help with the shape. It slides off my shoulders so I may need to add a tie across the back, spanning the opening of my shoulder straps, or create a snap system that can attach to my undergarment. I think this dress could be fun in another print or maybe a solid. There are a lot of possibilities to explore!

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑