Category: finding joy

Nine O’Clock

I have a standing date each night. I hurry myself to keep the pace if I see the clock begin to click out of my grasp after my shower. Sometimes I feel like doing my skincare is a chore, I’ll skip the lotion on my limbs or let my hair dry as it pleases if I think I am running behind. As the months pass, I feel the wonderful weight of this schedule, something that was a number on a clock face is now an important engagement with my bunny.

It started slowly, maybe a coincidence? After my shower, I’d walk down the stairs to look for Mia. It was a greeting, then it became a moment on the floor. Now, it has grown into a tradition, an expectation that I will get settled and sit on the floor. I can do some things, other petting Mia, but it must be done from the floor. I can play a little Animal Crossing, one-handed, or find a video to play as background ambience. She’s not a fan of K-pop, though she will tolerate a girl group, with impressive vocals only.

I used to coax her over, after I sat on the floor with a little wiggle of my hand. Recently, she’s been waiting for me in the doorway. Her tail wags, her little body binkies when I open the gate, and last night I could barely find a spot on the floor with her zoomies encircling me. With how rocky our start was, did I ever think Mia would greet me with such effervescent joy? No, I truly thought we would have a distant and tense relationship. Instead, last evening, after 30 mins of pets and snuggles, she flopped next to me, waiting for more pets. She is safe here, and I feel the safety in the silence. The contentment of being with her, the love that is felt in her presence, and the tempo she creates to slow down and breathe.

The greatest thing you’ll ever know, as Nat King Cole wrote in his song “Nature Boy,” is just to love and be loved in return. This line is a key theme of Moulin Rouge, and Bowie’s version of this song was my first encounter with is this song. It’s what I think having a bunny is, to love and be loved in return. I feel her love in her morning greeting, no longer greedy for breakfast for pets, but instead trusting me that food will always be there, she runs over to say “Good Morning.” It’s a celebration of another day, another gift of life, and another day spent with the ones we love.

(HOP) SKZ HOP HIP TAPE: a Patchwork Quilt of Music and Family

This album was a slow burn for me, as I expected after it was released on December 13, 2024. I was still enthralled with Stray Kids’s recent Japanese release, Giant, which was released on November 13, 2024. This was on the heels of their collaboration with Tom Morello and Young Miko for Arcane’s Season Two Theme, “Come Play” which was released in October 2024 before the show’s release. “Come Play” was the crescendo of soundtracks being released in the fall for Stray Kids with “Night” and “Falling Up” announced for season two of the anime, Tower of God.

But this was two months after we in the STAY fandom were processing the quiet release of “Slash” for Deadpool and Wolverine’s soundtrack in August 2024, a month after their July 2024 release of ATE. ATE was their big release of the year so far after months of waiting for an album after the drops of “Lose My Breath” and “WHY?” a soundtrack for the J-Drama Re:Revenge being released in the first quarter of 2024.

L to R: I.N., Lee Know, Seungmin, Hyunjin, HAN, Changbin, Felix, and Bang Chan

Did I mention this was a busy year for Stray Kids and their listeners? In this year of endless highs, Stray Kids announced their contract renewal a year ahead of the deadline, confirming that all eight members would stay at JYP Entertainment, making music together for years to come. It’s fitting then, that the last release of the year “HOP” was a title with a little wordplay, using the Chinese Hanja character “Hop” which means unity. In K-Pop, groups come and go, just look at New Jeans (2022-2024) and their possible disbandment after leaving ADOR. Contract renewals by all members to the same label are not guaranteed, look at the current state of Blackpink with each member taking their solo careers to various labels.

There is also the logistics of Stray Kids being a boy group with 6 out of 8 members being Korean citizens heading into their mid-twenties. Mandatory military service completion looms, which comes with a period of complications for music production, tours, and storytelling. Currently, BTS is completing their military service as a group (J-Hope and Jin have completed their service as of writing this). NCT 127 is following a different path, sending their members in a delayed fashion, (currently their leader Taeyong and member Jaehyun are completing their service) while the remaining members have released an album and performed tour dates. Although the military service question comes up a lot in K-Pop fandoms, more than I think we should dwell on it, the impression “HOP” and Stray Kids’ contract renewal left on STAYs I would say is like a comforting hug.

I didn’t understand this fully until Stray Kids’ account shared moments from their SKZ 5 O’Clock fan meet where the members performed each other’s solo songs on stage. What does this have to do with SKZ HOP HIP TAPE? Well, HOP was different kind of album from their usual format. On a Stray Kids’ EP or full album, there is usually a title track or several and then B-Sides with all eight members or songs performed by sub-units, affectionately called Rachas. For example – 3Racha (Bang Chan, Changbin, HAN) is their production unit and rapline, vocalracha (Seungmin, I.N.) supply lead vocals, and danceracha (Lee Know, Hyunjin, Felix) the lead dancers of the group. Instead of following this format, HOP is more like a patchwork quilt in my opinion.

  1. Walkin’ On Water
  2. Bounce Back
  3. U (feat. TABLO)
  4. Walkin’ on Water (HIP Ver.)
  5. Railway (Bang Chan)
  6. Unfair (Felix)
  7. Hallucination (I.N.)
  8. Youth (Lee Know)
  9. So Good (Hyunjin)
  10. ULTRA (Changbin)
  11. Hold my hand (HAN)
  12. As we are (Seungmin)

These solo songs, the members perform on tour through solo stages, were songs I was not sure about upon the first listen. Instead of appreciating the music, all I could think of was – is this the end of eight as one? Is this signaling them “growing up and growing out” of their collaborative style?

How silly is that? But in 2025, in our current friendship recession and drought of healthy communities, having deep friendship feels like something you have to “grow out of” to become a lonely “successful” adult. I think it says more about my life and my culture more than the album, to be honest. (Am I okay?) But then, I listened to the album again. And again. I watched the craftsmanship of the music videos and dove into the lyrics and I was impressed! The layers of talent – vocal range, dancing ability, lyricism, concept, etc. Each song has a personality unique to the member, you can clearly see them in the song but you can also feel Stray Kids in each song too.

This is not how I would describe most K-pop solo releases. Take NCT for example – Taeyong has released two EPs, Shalala (2023) and TAP (2024) which are not NCT 127 music. They showcase Taeyong and his unique talents – dancing, vocal range, and visuals. Mark of NCT 127 has released two singles, 200 (2024) and Fraktsiya (2024) which are again vastly different from NCT 127’s musical style. 200 is a casual love song and Fraktsiya is a rap focused song. Yuta of NCT 127 released an album in 2024 that deviates into J-Rock to celebrate his Japanese culture. Blackpink is another example of this, with Rose, Lisa, Jennie, and Jisoo going in completely different directions where they feel like different artists from their Blackpink performances.

For Stray Kids, their solos have range but through their 5 O’Clock Fan Meet performance swaps, it showed me that these songs are fully solos and fully Stray Kids which makes me interested in what the future holds. Will they release solo albums? Will they do sub-units? Will they do these solo mix tapes, like SKZ Replay of 2021, that featured previously unreleased solos and subunit songs? I think they truly just love creating, producing, and performing in an organic way that is synergistic in an unforced way. It’s like a harmony, even when they do their own things, they are still part of the whole without losing themselves. It is a family, a beautiful patchwork quilt, it is as the name “HOP” declares, unity. They do their own thing and some people hate it, but I love it. I’ve never had a band bring me as much musical joy as well as a sense of community as being a STAY.

All the releases of 2024 felt like a present for the fans, each one more exciting than the next, and that is why I think at first HOP did not grab me. There was an embarrassment of riches, too much to process, appreciate, or focus on. Three months later, I see the wonder of it all and hold HOP in regard as a unique experiment I’d enjoy listening to more of. They are always working on something new, what will 2025 hold? I look forward to finding out.

#70 – The Cold, Patience, BBC Pride and Prejudice

This winter, it’s wildly beautiful with it’s near constant snow accumulation (uncommon for where I live) and icy drops in temperature where we spent a month or so below 32 Fahrenheit. These rhythms of snow, ice, and cold fronts entering the atmosphere on a Friday and lasting all weekend led to many weeks of waiting, being still, escaping to my Stardew Valley farm. Waiting for the winter to pass, knitting away my boredom.

Time Passing Marked By Candles

We made a balloon arch for my birthday, a Brooklyn 99 high honor, and I decorated the living room with Stardew Valley garlands, making the time lost to snow and ice marked with something to remember.

In this waiting, I’ve had unwelcome house guest of Winter, the lingering cold. I had a troubling cold over Christmas, with sinus pain that kept me awake through the night. I thought it was gone as we entered January but I realize now the cold retreated but hovered in the shadows throughout the long mid-winter until Valentine’s Day when it re-animated and gave me some of the worst congestion, ear-aches, and sinus pain I can remember. I couldn’t lay down without the sinus pressure pain building, I couldn’t sleep. I felt miserable.

The Grim Night

I think the hardest part of feeling sick is the mental part. The patience to do nothing, and let go of the goals in your  mind. It’s boring! There was a few days of utter boredom. Knitting felt like too much, taking naps would trigger the sinus pain, and I remember   feeling useless, empty, and void of joy.

I felt deeply frustrated. Why was I going through a second round of this? Why is this happening to the point that I can’t write, or work on my projects, I can’t even keep up with my share of the housework. How long until I feel normal again?

When we lack health, it is the only thing we crave. It truly is more valuable than money. As I go further into adulthood, I growing in appreciation for the little things like health, a boring day where you feel great, and you tend to forget this feeling looking back on it. It blends with the others, but those ordinary moments are what give us such rich life.

Like those mild days of the year, those 60s or low 70s and sunny days, they blur in the background of the weather extremes, but really those days were probably the most mood boosting of the year.

Shall the Shades of Pemberly Be Thus Polluted?

One of the few things that gave me joy during that week of sickness was BBC’s Pride and Prejudice 1995.

It was my first watch. I’ve read the book and watched the 2005 version, but this series had escaped me. I think I put it off because I though it was a hipster scheme. How could this one be so much better than the 2005 movie? With its soundtrack and cinematography? The hype was real, it’s spectacular.

It’s a series I could watch again, and again, for those nature shots and the beautiful furniture. The costumes are true regency in design, compared to the 2005 version. Each character is flushed out like book and it is simply a treasure. 😍

Nothing Nice to Say

February and January to be honest have been a challenge for me creatively. I haven’t known what to write about without it sounding like I am complaining. There is a lot of crap going in the world and it’s been a struggle for me to keep my eyes fixed on the good.

When I’m in this mood, like I was during our house buying process in May 2024, I struggled to write on here as well. I didn’t want to complain and also didn’t feel inspired because of the distractions. And so, time passes.

In this time I’ve been listening, reflecting. I’ve been enamored by the latest Bible Project series. I’ve been waiting for the final blow for Joann’s which happened. I’ve been researching new sources of yarn and fabric, keeping my eyes and ears open for new brands to fill the void.

I started reading again – beginning with an attempt to re-read Crime and Punishment which I shelved for now after Semyon Zakharovich Marmeladov‘s long rant in the bar. I was feeling too sick at that point to envelope myself in that misery and pivotted to Six Crimson Cranes by Elizabeth Lim.

I have filled my days with the soundtrack of Aespa, Stray Kids, and Red Velvet. We even started a new K-drama, Crash Landing on You, which I’d like to write about along with Business Proposal and Extraordinary Attorney Woo.

We’re re-watching Only Murders in the Building and laughing our way through Impractical Jokers. All the while I’ve been working on several knitting WIPs that I look forward to sharing! Along with a Mia update, she is one happy bun, and has become a cuddly little friend who desires our company. My heart is full. 🥰

I hope wherever you are in the world, you are feeling healthy, loved and know how much I appreciate you, reader, who spend time with me here. I wish you a lovely weekend!

A New Project ft. Kyle

When my husband (Kyle) and I bought this house, we were looking for a place that would provide enough room to have a garden. We wanted it to be flat, have good sun, a little shade, and offer room to build the garden we have been planning for years. In our first apartment, we grew shamrocks and a tomato plant with varying results.

With each new place we moved the garden grew bigger. At our place in Meadville, on a steep hill of a plot of land, we bought a Green Stalk system to maximize our vertical potential. In the house before this one, we created a garden of containers utilizing totes we had from moving and five-gallon buckets. It was better but not the best it could be.

Container garden from 2022.

We craved something less plastic, more grounded. And so with 2025 spreading out before us, we have been planning a new project – an in-ground garden full of plants selected carefully, but Kyle can share more details about that in his own words.

I’m excited to read his thoughts here as a contributing writer because his passion for gardening has taught me so much in our 11 years together. As I mentioned in my very first post, this blog is a little of this and a little of that. I’m excited to share more about life beyond the yarn and the thread, it should be inspiring scenery for sketching! Which I have not done since we moved but I am craving to do once again. Here’s a snapshot of what we grew in our container garden several years ago. I hope you will join us on this adventure. 🙂

2025 Intentions

Have you ever watched one of the Top Gear UK challenges, from the good old days of Clarkson, May, and Hammond?

The amphibious cars, DIY caravans, lorry drivers, hot-hatchbacks, cheap Porsches, etc. There is one thing in common. There is a scoreboard, the points make no sense, it’s all a big laugh, and on that terrible disappointment, it’s time to end.

This is what I equate growing an Instagram was like in 2024.

I did the things. I’ve made many pieces of content across stories, reels, and posts. I’ve sewn and knit a varied amount of things. I’ve done silly trends, serious reviews, inspirational posts, filmed tutorials, recorded thoughtful voice overs, and participated in the “add yours” cards on stories.

I turned on metrics. I carefully analyzed posting times, consistently shared things to keep engagement up, took breaks to avoid spamming, carefully thought of 3-second hooks, transcribed subtitles, filmed artistic shots, and agonized over lighting. I networked, supported other creators, and tried to make genuine connections. Got burned a few times by people who only interacted with me for the follow and stopped talking to me and following me after months of supporting them. It’s tricky making friends on that platform. Connections are either amazing, lovely people, or not at all. I met several lovely people too, it wasn’t all bad.

I ended the year with higher engagement, more friends, and negative or neutral growth depending on the refresh. The metrics contradict themselves constantly. I’ve lost as many followers as I’ve gained. I’ve learned I had ghost followers who were keeping my engagement low. I also had accounts following me that left the platform through Meta’s deactivation due to idleness. It’s one of the worst algorithms, showing your followers your posts days after you share them. Zuckerberg, do better.

I ended 2024 feeling like I was on a Top Gear challenge. Meta added and subtracted points to my metrics total willy nilly, like Richard Hammond getting minus “exactly the points he had” so that he ends with naught. It was nonsensical and mind-boggling. This platform provides no satisfaction in what you accomplish.  I got one point here, minus a thousand there, 20 points for this task – yada, yada, yada.

So 2025, what am I doing with my time? What am I working towards? I am going to write more and move on from growing an Instagram account to open a shop. Not interested anymore. It’s not happening and I think it’s a blessing. Fiber art creation is going back to being a hobby. I’m not going to be a fashion designer, or a pattern designer, or a sewing educator, or a part of fixing fashion. I am going to make things I like and have fun, and share what I want where I choose for the fun of it. I have a backlog of projects that I haven’t shared here because of the distraction of Instagram. I am looking forward to writing more, new things, and celebrating the victory of finishing the Udal Cuain manuscript. Available to peruse here. I’m going to do art, I’m going to garden, to bake, learn things, and work hard. I’m excited about it. The key intention is to focus on fulfillment over productivity, and when my to-do list is crossed off to feel fulfilled, not productive.

What are your plans or goals for 2025?

My Winter Soundtrack 2024

Strategy – Twice

Typewriter cadence of chewing sounds on romaine lettuce – Mia, the bunny

Jamboree! – game narrator, Mario Party Jamboree

Pages turning – Kyle reading Seed Catalogs

Falling Up – Stray Kids

The Valley Comes Alive – Stardew Valley

Whirring of a small motor – Kitchen Aid Mixer

Silence blanketing the air – A night of steady snowfall

Large Hop – Mia, leaping into her hay pan

Wowie! – Luigi, Mario Party Jamboree

Sprinkles shaken from their jar – Cookie-decorating

Hallucination – I.N.

The opening of a bag – Mia’s treats

Scissors gliding through paper – the act of wrapping presents

Night – Stray Kids

Well, there’s your problem! – Adam and Jaime, Mythbusters

Departures TV Show Opening Soundtrack

ABCD – Nayeon

Shock and disgust – My mom sprinkled cumin on her Swedish Tea Ring Pastry dough instead of cinnamon

A metal shovel scraping a concrete sidewalk – my neighbor shoveling early on Christmas Eve morning

Hairdresser Reacts – Brad Mondo

Paper rustling – Ricola Cough Drops

Glug Glug – Pouring my facial toner into my hand

A Plastic Lid opening – Fluffernutter Marshmallow fluff

Walkin’ on Water – Stray Kids

A smug Snowboy – Animal Crossing New Horizons

Oh No! – Toad, Mario Party Jamboree

Explosions – Mythbusters

Oh Fuuuudge! – Ralphie, A Christmas Story

Jimmy Carr’s laugh – Big Fat Quiz Show

Can It End With You and Them?

I think the most shocking thing for me from the aftermath of the ‘It Ends With Us’ film and subsequent press tour has not been Blake Lively’s seemingly out-of-touch behavior by promoting her brands alongside this movie nor the disturbing allegations detailed in the 80-page lawsuit filed by Lively against Baldoni and Wayfarer Studios, but it is that this movie and novel which at their core are about domestic violence continue to skate around the subject matter instead of using this project to help bring real change to our culture.

After looking at the PDF of the lawsuit, I question all motive behind any of the money Baldoni’s company donated to the charity No More, because the details in this lawsuit are too specific to be made out of thin air, in my opinion. There are cell phone screenshots and bizarre accounts from the set of behavior that is straight up inappropriate for any work place. So many that I’m not sure one person could manage that many levels of lies. If Blake Lively was able to pull this out of thin air, she needs to start writing books, because dang it is layered and disturbing.

George Constanza said it best when he explained how to con people, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.” That seems to be what the production held as their mantra because a movie about domestic violence with unsafe work environment screams delusion and narcissist behavior. Things that the internet is still giving Baldoni a pass on and heralding Lively as a crazy woman for reporting in her lawasuit. It’s very strange to me. How can we forget the ‘Me Too’ movement so rashly? What about Harvey Weinstein and Prince Andrew? The infamous Epstein list? Or the unfolding case of Diddy? Like Prohibition in the United States was installed to stem the tide of domestice violence, in my state of Pennsylvania, during the 2020 lockdown, alcohol sales were limited by the Governor to get ahead of the problem. On Live on Patrol, the Ramsey County sheriff department can attest to how the rate of domestic violence corresponds to the weather, with winter being the time they get the most reports of violence at home. It’s a well documented problem in America. So why would it not be possible on this film set at the hands of a handsome guy claiming he wants to help women? Just think about it. Do all bad people look like bad people?

There is a rampant evil that has pervaded every corner of our world, so I fully believe everything in that 80-page lawsuit could be proven true in court. Power is an influence that corrupts. Hollywood is powerful and has a long standing history of unsafe conditions going all the way back to the golden age, when doctors prescribed uppers and downers to keep stars working, making the studio money, instead of caring for the actor’s wellbeing. This happened to Judy Garland on the set of the Wizard of Oz when she was only 17. Now do I believe all film companies are bad and everyone is just there to use and abuse people to make millions? No, not at all. I think there are good people and bad people everywhere, in every industry.

I also think two things can be true at once. I think that Lively can be a victim worthy of our compassion and can also be a self-absorbed human that made questionable decisions, when she marketed her products during a movie that called for wisdom and tact. But I think we should all be given grace. Yes internet, give her a break. I also think we should held accountable for our actions in order to grow, and I don’t think Baldoni, Wayfarer Studios and the others named in the lawsuit have been held accountable by society. I think Lively has because Lively is rich, she pretty, she has played some mean girl roles and I think those roles stick in our minds more than we realize. If the actress who played Blair Waldorf, Leighton Meister, was in this movie I think society may have a different view because Blair was a more sympathetic character. The Weekend faced similar backlash to Lively, after his character in ‘The Idol’ because we as humans blur the lines between performance and real life. I find it weird that Baldoni is not facing the same backlash as The Weekend when they both portrayed abusive men, why is Baldoni special?

Simply, I believe because we don’t know these people and so our imaginations fill in the blanks. I think as humans we get jealous of successful, beautiful people and enjoy tearing them down. Baldoni has the novelty of being more unknown and can shape shift, if that’s what he is doing.

I’m trying to keep an open mind, and respect the fact that these are allegations but it is hard to not question all his motives when he separated himself from the group during the press tour and so eloquently spoke about ending domestic violence. It was an excellent opportunity to build a case against Lively and discredit her. I’ve personally experienced this from men and women in my life, they entrap you before you realize it and then scapegoat your reputation to cover their own bad behavior. It’s bizarre to me that the film production of this story, ‘It Ends With Us’ was filled with so many cross overs to the subject matter. In some ways it appears, in my opinion, that Wayfarer and Baldoni, have such a hero complex that they are unaware of the darkness in their actions and the hubris of hurting women on a set that was portraying the story of a woman who is abused.

It’s like how Colleen Hoover writes these books that have such dark and triggering subject matter, and some people still think its a romance novel, or in Hoover’s case, that trigger warnings aren’t needed for her books. It’s such a bizarre universe that makes me question what is the point of the art?

For Hoover, is it to educate and bring awareness to domestic violence? Is it to sell books because violence and violence against women sell? Hollywood would seem to prove this point with how violent and disrespectful they are two female characters with the stories that are greenlit. For Baldoni, why did he choose to adapt this film? Was it to tell a story to reach his fellow men to change their hearts or is he a dangerous narcissist that thrives on this kind of treatment of women? For Lively, why did she choose this project? Was it to inspire hope for women who are survivors and tell their story or was it for her personal brand, to boost her product sales? I don’t know.

I think in advertently this movie and the drama surrounding it, including the public opinions swirling around the internet, show that I don’t think we as a society are taking this seriously enough. Even myself, who although I experienced the trauma of having an abusive biological father, I was quick to fall for Baldoni’s interviews and found myself disgusted with Lively because of how little she seemed to care about a subject that was so important. I may have fallen for the lies, again. I don’t think this issue is a problem that can be tackled through movies or books to create real change. With every book and movie I question, where the does the line blur into glorification? And why, when so many people experience domestic violence and abuse, do we have to read it replayed in books or portrayed on screen? I think we are fully aware of the problem and are giving the evil acts too much room to live rent-free in our imaginations.

Domestic violence, narcissists, sociopaths, and abuse are woven well into the fabric of society so well that it is hard to unravel it completely. The cycles of trauma carry down through generations. It’s a ripple on a lake, fanning out farther and farther.

I hope that whatever comes out of this unfolding lawsuit, that the real evil is exposed and that it creates real conversations for change so that we keep our eyes and ears open to those in our midst that are suffering silently from dangerous people lurking in their homes, their families, and the workplace. I also hope that the actors involved, on both sides, the studio, and the author will think more about the victims of domestic violence and get involved. They have money, influence, and could do some good in our communities if they would think outside the bubbles they are in. I also hope as a society we begin to consider the kind of content we consume, so that tales of abuse can never again be marketed as a romance story, cause that’s sick and wrong, in my opinion.

#67 – Decorating, Snow, and Small Upgrades

Christmas knitting is full swing and I am yet again behind! This happens every year to me. Oh well. But, this is one of my favorite seasons of the year and I wanted to share some tidbits that have made this year a little merrier.

This is the first Christmas in our house. It was special moment unboxing our decorations that have moved with us from apartment to apartment that can now be rested here. Some are heirloom pieces that lived a life long before I was born, such as the nativity my Grandma cast in the 1970s. Others are ornaments given by piano students.

The Christmas village was my mom’s and I remember putting it out in on the third floor, our little apartment within my grandparents’ house. I can’t believe the journey it has been on with me through my life. I am also excited to have a staircase to decorate with garland like my mom and Grandma have done each Christmas. It makes it feel like home.

The next thing that has filled this time with joy, has been the fresh paint of my sewing room. Kyle graciously primed the woodwork and painted this room while I was sick. It satisfyingly looks like the color scheme of my bedroom at my mom’s before an ice dam melted through my ceiling in 2015, destroying it. I’ve missed this mauve-lavender color. I took the opportunity to rest my Stray Kids, NCT, and Aespa posters. I like the minimalist cozy atmosphere this room radiates now with this simple makeover. It was a room I kinda hated before with its janky woodwork and boring walls. Now it looks complete!

We’ve been blessed with a little lake effect snow and it has been a marshmallow world. The views here become serene and open without the leaves. Some may see this as bleak but I love the transformation of snow and the peaceful slumber of the nature for the winter months. I hope we get more moments like this.

Lastly, we made some upgrades to our first floor before Thanksgiving. Our daybed’s framework broke. Instead of buying new furniture, Kyle set to work on designing a whole new base frame for the couch, complete with storage drawers! We also updated our front door with stained glass window film. Cheap? Yes, but, it allowed us to remove the broken blind that was an eyesore while maintaing privacy until we decide on a permanent solution for this door.

At 20 USD it was an affordable way to create character to a pretty ugly door. We’re making slow progress on updating the house, but as time goes by I realize, it’s part of the fun and changing everything all at once, if we had the money (which we don’t) would be pretty boring! Anyways, I hope wherever you are you have a lovely day and thanks for stopping by my little blog. Now, time to get back to Christmas knitting. I can’t wait to show you what I’m making! 😁

I Tried Watching Nana

Aside from Haikyuu and One Piece, Nana was the most recommended Anime I have watched. It was mainly recommended in fashion discourse in the TikTok fashion sphere and on YouTube for its spin on street style, punk, 90s fashion, and accessorizing with elaborate detail.

These fans praise creator Ai Yazawa’s Nana for its Vivienne Westwood references and innovative looks. As I expected, the fashion was inspiring. It captures the 90s and early 2000s Japanese fashion in a way that makes my heart warm because that’s how I first got into fashion—watching ANTM’s Cycle 3 and their finale trip to Tokyo. But there was one hiccup—I can’t get into the story.

Nana is a Work of Art

Now before Nana stans click out, I can explain why I am not a fan but can appreciate the artistic duality of the storytelling, while critiquing the worldview of the narrative.

I’ve previously mentioned that I’m not an anime fan, that I had watched Fruits Basket and some Trigun and it was enjoyable but did not grip me the same way a Kdrama can. Since then I have started watching Haikyuu and fell in love with the anime style and its storytelling in Haikyuu’s seasons. Going into Nana, I was excited to watch a new anime style. The artwork is different, older, and grittier like a film noir.

The storytelling was unique, and non-linear at the beginning, and featured two storylines of Nana O. and Nana K, a duality that Ai Yazawa put a lot of thought into. Her passion is clear from the art style, the complicated characters, and the darkness of human life that she explores. I appreciate the inner monologues of the characters, and the way that they feel real because they are flawed, and downright annoying sometimes, but I couldn’t find myself rooting for any character and walked away from the series after two attempts to watch through.

Struggles with the Story

Misogyny and the age of consent, are two things I was not expecting to be major storylines in this tale but there it was. It was hard to watch the disrespect and absolutely dangerous decision-making of Nana K in 2024 as an American with some of the headlines we have had of assault on college campuses and by powerful people in the culture. Me Too changed things and made this normality of the 1990s and 2000s a thing that was no longer going to be passively tolerated. For that, I am thankful to be living on this side of the 2010s and its cultural upheaval because when I encounter stories where the female characters are not being respected and accepting this toxic masculinity and normal, as the viewer it is outrageous.

My standard is now the ladies of Brooklyn Nine-Nine who demand respect and get it because the male characters on the squad are respectful. The characters of Gina Linetti, Rosa Diaz, and Amy Santiago have ambition, and desire love, but understand they are enough and don’t need guys to make them whole. I didn’t see that in my watch of the Nana show. They also support each other with maturity, and Nana K is simply not mature and despite Nana O’s heart, it can’t make up for the deficit, in my opinion. I know that their friendship is hailed for its feminism but I think the best friendships in storytelling have two mature people who have grown and developed into characters that have depth and true, selfless love for each other.

This show felt triggering for its realistic depiction of toxic relationships in both friendships and romantic relationships, which dug up memories from my teens and twenties of feeling lonely by the cloud of darkness bad relationships held me in. Like Skins UK, I could feel the pain, the emptiness, and the struggle in my veins by how emotionally charged the story is. But as Effie can send me into a depressed spiral, I felt the same from Nana. Art should make you feel, but not harm efforts to have good mental health, so as I made the decision to stop to protect my peace, I encourage you to have healthy boundaries with shows that can trigger you, dear reader. It doesn’t mean you are a wimp or that the show is bad, just that it isn’t a good fit for you because it is damaging your calm, to quote Jayne Cobb, from Firefly.

Girlhood, Dark Romance, and the Pick Me Girl

Something that may be holding me back from embracing Nana could be my culture and similar western media I have already grown up with which taught me the same lessons through their stories. As I mentioned before I see many parallels between Skins UK and Nana. They are both edgy, the characters are working through their own pain and finding their own solutions like by dulling the pain with alcohol or love. There is the female friendship in Nana like Meredith and Cristina in Grey’s Anatomy and the toxic relationships in Gossip Girl with the complicated friendship of Blair and Serena.

I found Grey’s Anatomy and Gossip Girl during the end of high school and watched both into college, a time that is full of turbulence. Something that Nana nailed, and I think if I had found Nana first it maybe the coming of age guidebook for me that Grey’s Anatomy and Gossip Girl were during those weird years. I think that both Gossip Girl and Grey’s Anatomy have more character arcs for their female protagonists than Nana, with Serena Van Der Woodsen being the only one I’d say didn’t grow much at all. Blair, Meredith, and Cristina all show tremendous growth by the end of their stories. (Yes, I know Grey’s Anatomy carries on but Sandra Oh left the show in 2014 and I personally stopped watching in 2019 so Grey’s has an end to me.)

Meredith Grey grows from a pick-me girl who lets her romantic relationships determine her fate with self-destructive bend to a healthy, open, confident woman who has family that support her emotionally and professionally at Seattle Grace. Cristina Yang realizes she needs people, that life is not about being an island. She balances her professional ambition with a new compassionate bedside manner and learns how to be vulnerable while being an incredibly strong person.

Blair Waldorf begins the show as a girl who is scheming, afraid to be herself, and afraid to fail and ends the show as a confident woman who knows what she wants and is willing to stand up for herself, support others, and create community in her world instead of tearing others down to make herself feel better. She may love Chuck Bass, but she is willing to walk away from him when he treats her as less than human. I wanted to see this from Nana, and I didn’t.

What I did see was a similar dark romance trope that permeates Twilight, toxic relationships that are abusive, not romantic, and not something women need to endure for love. A good cultural discussion that came out of the It Ends With Us press tour was producer, Justin Baldoni’s commitment to the message of abuse and making sure no interview was complete without raising awareness for an evil that persists in our world. It was in stark contrast to Blake Lively’s cheeky glamorization of this movie, refusing to go there and talk about the serious issues.

That’s what I wanted from Nana, there to be some force that would stop the mistreatment of these women and bring some hope to the story for these women to truly thrive.

The Scarcity Mindset of Red vs Blue

It’s been a wild ride here in the United States, as everyone around the world has probably followed. As a U.S. resident the opinions, the reactions, and the culture have been like nothing I have seen before. Truly surprising. What has surprised me the most has been the personal ethics and scarecity mindsets I have observed, from my fellow Americans sharing on social media.

The Roar of Social Media

For a land of opportunity and abundance, there are certainly a lot of conflicting opinions on that statement. Some people are quite in touch with the struggles of inflation and the economy and others are participating in conspicuous consumption. Some are lamenting in blue and some are gloating in red, others are calling for retrospection and unity, but one thing has been the common thread – it’s a bigger knot of problems than I ever expected, and untangling this is going to take more time than I think most people are willing to give it.

There is impatience and aggression. A celebration of nastiness on every level that I am shocked by. How long has this nasty edge been living under the surface waiting for us to notice its venom? How does the simple act of Patrick Ta’s eyeshadow being priced at $42 become a hotbed of elitism and premeditated nastiness towards complete strangers on the internet? It’s bizarre and I can only guess it has nothing to do with eyeshadow and more with a deep level of dissatisfaction in our current world.

Loss of Gentleness

I saw increasing pressure from political ads this year to be afraid of what lurks in the blue and the red. The election is over yet I am still getting ads targeting this fear and exploiting our peace for the sake of agenda. It is maddening and disheartening to me that we are allowing our peace to be stolen. Especially the peace of those most vulnerable in society.

I’m observing responses from people I follow who are letting their fear isolate them. I saw a call to clear out friends lists “to control what you can” like burning bridges is healthy advice for all situations. It can be, but it can also lead to a lot of pain and loneliness. Acting on emotions is a shifting sand. When your emotions change how can your choices be healthy and stable in the long run? There is more chance of self-sabotage than true desire.

I have been a bridge burner and when I look back at what fueled my decisions, it was not a healthy mindset. It was one deep in crisis allowing the self-destructive nature to keep me from moving forward. I’m also not writing this to judge anyone. I’m writing this from a place of concern to keep others from making the same mistakes as me. Mistakes that I wish I could take back.

One thing I have taken from these last few weeks is the importance of gentleness and patience. We are fully capable of living in a community with others who disagree with us if we choose to be gracious to one another and respect healthy boundaries. Not playing on each others’ fear or looking for fights. That’s just plain mean and not how you maintain relationships. That has been the number one thing I have noticed through this 2024 election cycle, is the lack of focus on America being one community and learning how to work with each other in our differences.

Truth and Realignment

I’m not saying my culture needs to let bullies keep bullying or evil take root for the sake of peace. I think we need to kick bad out and leave room for the good and the truth to flourish. What I am saying is that I think we need to pause, take a breath, and be willing to try reconciling. If it’s bad and causes more pain, okay, then we stop and reevaluate, but I don’t think it would be.

I think my fellow citizens are weary and lonely. We need each other to embrace our differences to see that we have more common ground than we have let agendas tell us we do.

Thinking purple instead of red and blue would be a good start. Abandoning the scarcity mindset would also be a healthy move toward letting go of fear. Especially as believers, there is nothing to fear if we fully surrender to God.

This has just been on my heart lately, dear reader, and I hope I haven’t offended you. I’ve been feeling creatively off from the sheer amount of negativity being spread. It is draining as an HSP neurodivergent introvert who seeks to spread kindness and love yet can’t fix the pain of people in my community. I wish I could and maybe this post is at least a safe space to ponder and start new conversations? I’m trying to focus on the positive.

We will also be back to our regularly scheduled programming of sewing, knitting, art, Bible Study, and K-pop content soon. This just felt too important to ignore.

Thank you for taking time with me today. I hope you know that you are loved and worthy. Until next time 🫶

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