Category: finding joy

#78 – Can You Feel Optimism in 2025?

This is a bit of a follow-up to my discussion of cultural boredom from earlier this year, a little update to my creative slump, and exciting developments for my hunt to replace my reliable crafting supplies. The world still feels like it is on fire, but I think I am learning how to thrive again. It takes me a long time to process things, so maybe that’s why?

Spaghetti and Gnarly

Le Sserafim released a song that captures the wonderfully nonsensical world of a good K-pop song. Spaghetti is catchy, silly, and makes me crave spaghetti, so that’s what I am cooking tonight. It is what I remember the music videos of K-pop to look like when I took the plunge in 2022. It was fun, and in the last few years, it has lost some of its luster with darker concepts, instead of cute, and a bit uninspired. Although I’m fully into K-pop, it has been repetitive and bland for most of 2025. Except for my favorites – Stray Kids and Nmixx. Enter Gnarly by Katseye. A song that is so jarring it’s bad but also amazing, it’s been a weird one for me, the thesis of this year, it has felt like. “Everything is gnarly.” A phrase that has carried me through bizarre headlines and life’s bumpy road this year. For me, Gnarly was going to be the song that typified what I remember feeling in 2025, until Bleep by Stray Kids dropped in August. But now, I hope I will remember moments that feel like the upbeat wonder of Spaghetti. What about Golden? I desperately need to compile notes for K-pop Demon Hunters because that has been such a gift.

Big Twist at Michaels

Big Twist is back at Michaels, for real, and it’s kind of silly to admit this, but it feels comforting. There’s a Joann Knit and Sew Shop section in the store, and like, maybe it was a bad dream? I mean, all the crafting drama definitely happened this year between private equity, tariffs, and Sci Show declaring the arrival of physicists to help the knitters. The familiarity was maybe all my neurodivergent mind needed to just relax a bit? Now the fabric is not good, but it could get better in time. I’m choosing to be hopeful, I mean, the recent US election showed a strong rejection of the Trump Administration, so as people have said all year, if it can get worse, it can get better. And for me, who hates change with a passion, I’ve learned that if it disappears, it can come back. I just need to work on my patience. I have found a second local yarn store in my own state, and a great local fabric shop. I’d say I’m pleased to the point that I am not missing Joann like I thought I would.

Stitches for Identity

I believe I am finally moving out of the depressed forest that is being laid off due to personal and global trauma. I’ve been listening to Kitchen and Jorn’s Losing Followers Podcast, where they have been talking through the post-Buzzfeed time of their careers. I was in a toxic job at Great Dane Trailers in the late 2010s, and it was freeing yet terrifying to lose that job. Listening to Jen and Kristin talk through the transition of leaving a job that demanded all of them, to be free from that monster, but also lose all connection to the project they built from the ground up, has been a balm to me. When I was laid off, I lost my app and my content calendar, my magazine contribution. I was wrecked, and I didn’t know how to process that for years. I felt like a loser. I dove into crafting, and for years, those stitches of thread and yarn gave me meaning.

The blog, though, and finally this year uploading my manuscript to this website this year connected me back to what makes me feel like me. I have always been drawn to writing, and not having that or a way to work towards something bigger than just sharing my creations on social media was gnarly. But this blog and your community have helped me find my way back. I mean, heck, Udal Cuain and my original blog, where I shared chapters, was the portfolio that landed me the corporate job. Although it’s gone, what I learned and experienced stayed with me and has made me grow into who I am now. This has been a full circle.

It’s been freeing to admit to myself and loved ones that I was depressed by that career loss. Starting over again has been confusing, but it’s not all figured out yet. There is still time to find a new place where I belong. I’m in the process of recalibrating, and that is a direction in itself. I feel freed from the weight of “monetizing my hobby” and the impossible summit of creating a small business as someone who truly is not cut out for the accounting or marketing parts.

Unmasking and Coping for the First Time

Truly, though, as I reflect on this year, getting serious about health – mental, physical, and emotional – for the first time has contributed to the feeling of optimism I have leaving 2025 that I did not have entering 2025. I have healthier boundaries in relationships, more honesty about how I’m doing, and whether I am feeling overstimulated. I recently got into rebounding, aka a fancy term for jumping on a miniature trampoline for cardio. Wow, I like this for my mind! It resets me, and it’s helping me get stronger. I used to feel ashamed of who I am. I didn’t understand why I felt so different, nor did I know how to communicate burnout without pushing friends and loved ones away. Being unmasked was tumultuous for the first couple of months, but now I never want to put that neurotypical mask back on.

How has 2025 changed you? I think it has made me unapologetically empathetic. Bolder to say I disagree with wrong because the stakes have been higher than ever in my lifetime. I hope to carry that forward into 2026, because I think the opposite of late-stage capitalism is community, so let’s burn it down with empathy. Thank you, dear reader, for spending time with me today. I wish you love and kindness.

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Planning the Final Makes of 2025

It’s that time of year when the holidays kick in, motivating me to dream of all that I can make before Christmas. But this year I am doing this a little differently.

Stitch/Life Balance

I started working and planning earlier. I usually think about what I want to make around Thanksgiving, a month or less before Christmas which is an impossible deadline. Last year I made a temperature basket and pushed to finish it in three weeks, it was tedious and down right miserable.

Create Better

I had better out comes with smaller projects, like mittens for my mom. This year I am also using distinct inspirations, so the projects are easier to execute well.

Started Earlier

I started my Christmas planning in August and began work in September, a first for me. I am debating on whether to gift a fully completed sweater or keep it, it was made without a clear goal and is a cozy crochet cardigan. If I choose to gift it then, I actually started in July which is the ideal timeline for me. I would like to start making as early as possible next year.

Holding Projects for January

I have made one Halloween project, but other than that I have been focused on making for other people this fall and it feels great. No stress.

There are several projects in my mind, but I am holding them for later. January feels like this depressing months of “after” all the excitement of the holidays. This usually includes a lapse of creativity too. I tend to push myself to make all my winter stuff in fall. To be honest, it’s dumb.

It can frost as late as June where I live, and snow in earlier May. It is cold for at least the first quarter of the year so why limit my timeline?

I am hoping this new creative strategy will lead to better makes and a happier maker.

Soul Crushing Dread

I am struggling this week to not feel down. The Federal Government shutdown and Pennsylvania Government shutdown is causing havoc for a lot of people. SNAP benefits are being paused Nov 1, so is a program in Pennsylvania which helps people pay for heating costs. You can see the blood of the RSF genocide in Sudan from space. ICE is being spotted more in my state. Every thing is gnarly, to quote Katseye. There are some personal things being worked through behind the scenes, that can drag me down, and I just feel sad. My heart is heavy. I would like evil to disappear. As corny as it sounds, I’d like world peace for Christmas.

I hope you are doing well, and know that you are loved. Hang in there. I am struggling as a sensitive person in these overstimulating times.

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I Found A Local Yarn Store!

sheep in a field

If you have been following my blog this year, you will know that I was feeling a bit frustrated, that I didn’t have a local yarn store to turn to after Joann closed – but that’s no longer the case! I found a local shop thanks to the Yarn Discovery Tour of North Eastern Ohio. How wonderful is that!

As a Western Pennsylvania resident, it was a little bit of a drive, but not too far to visit the lovely Three Sheep Gallery and Workshop of Boardman, Ohio. This yarn shop had so much for me and my mom to check out – spinning wheels, weaving looms, yarn brands galore, project kits, needles, hooks, etc. I picked up a sock kit with a superwash merino and nylon blend fingering weight yarn that is self-striping. I was excited to try this sock kit because it came with a free pattern from Urth Yarns. This sock pattern has been full of surprises, some good and some challenging. It is a toe-up sock pattern, based on traditional Turkish sock design.

I’ve never made a toe-up sock before, I’m excited to learn new techniques, but here is where I am struggling. I bought double-pointed needles, on recommendation for sock knitting, and they are wonderful needles, but dang, the combo of a new sock technique and new tools has been frustrating. I’m getting laddering on the sock every time I start over, and I feel a bit on the edge of tears because these needles were expensive – 21 USD! On top of the sock kit for 29 USD for 100 grams of yarn and a PDF pattern. I feel a lot of pressure, from my own mind, because I was not paying attention to the price and feel like I made a mistake, but I need to remember that new skills take time. With patience and practice, the skill will come in time.

The second project I purchased was a scarf kit with two yarn hanks of worsted weight wool and a pattern from Urth Yarns, that my mom also purchased so we will have matching scarves! I’m so excited. The biggest blessing of this day was the opportunity to share what I love with my mom, my Scott, and my Kyle. I am truly grateful for all that these guys did to make this a great day of bonding for my mom and I, and for the four of us. It’s been a heavy few weeks after losing our beloved Sully, and getting a day to explore a new yarn store, learn about weaving, and getting to meet the lovely owner of Three Sheep was a bright spot after days of gray.

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#76 – Boredom in 2025

The biggest trend I think I’ve seen this year is the sentiment that everything feels boring right now. Whether it is fashion, film, or books, the art of storytelling is supposedly dead. This phenomenon has even crept into my unpredictable and exciting world of K-pop, and up until yesterday, I’d say I agreed. But as I sit here, I would like to put forth a different thesis.

Escapism from the Super Massive Blackhole

What if everything feels boring because you are running on empty? This year was the first time since discovering K-pop in 2022 that I felt bored and indifferent to my favorite bands. Some of this was due to outside forces beyond my control, like controversies, military service, and straight-up evil in the case of Taeil. Yet, some of this boredom, I believe, was caused by how much I was leaning on these safe spaces to find joy when nothing felt joyful or safe. There has been a constant pulse of uncertainty, like tectonic tremors, making us all question the point of it all. There is such a dreary air. A hopelessness, especially in people my age and younger, who are not able to reach milestones due to broken systems. Since I discovered the band Stray Kids, I run to their music for a safe place. But in 2025, I had stretches of time where even SKZ had no appeal. I had listened to every release over and over again until even their most addictive tracks had no appeal. I couldn’t believe how much I was craving a new album until a week before Karma released. As the week progressed, I could feel a hunger for a happy distraction. This year has been the first time my usual pick-me-ups have felt numb, and I wonder if one prong of this boredom we seem to be feeling isn’t coming from this exact situation.

To be honest, I think this could be why K-pop Demon Hunters exploded in popularity; it was new and fun when things seemed darker than ever. Same thing with Twice and their Lollapalooza performance, it was a night where everything felt normal for a second.

Have I Entertained You?

This attention economy is reminding me of that iconic line from Gladiator, and I don’t like what it is doing to art, music, storytelling, fashion, all of it. There is no room to reflect and craft something beautiful. We are pushing things too fast. I’ve been reflecting on this for a while. I see commentary on trends, relating to fashion, which usually goes something like – there is nothing new, everything and nothing is trending, yada, yada, yada. Sprinkle in a bit about clothing quality from the past, and the brain rot of the algorithm, which is killing creativity and subcultures because of a curated vitality. Like it’s a beast unleashed upon modernity, instead of stopping to think critically about it.

It’s obvious after some consideration that making things for vitality is not the same as making something to stand the test of time. Modern romance novels are being created for TikTok vitality first, and quickly, to keep up with the lazy decision of publishing houses to invest in AI over true writers. We blame the current author pool for a lack of creativity instead of holding publishing houses accountable for ruining their reputation through unethical practices. Because, truly, as an author, why would you feel inspired to create a story like Jane Austen when this is the current state of publishing? You could make a true work of art, and be rejected because they would rather steal work to create the same story through AI, or the publisher doesn’t want to take a chance on a good story when the algorithm is fickle and shallow.

Boring People Are Bored

AI is doing exactly what I expected; lazy people are becoming lazier, except that it is currently being rewarded. We used to know how to entertain ourselves. We used to know how to create, enjoy, and take pleasure in things, but I think AI is a snare that is making people boring, and it doesn’t have to. AI is an easy way out of daily life. It can be a friend, a relationship you don’t have to nurture, but is hollow. It can create art, but you will have no artistic skill of your own as a result. It can write you a book, without telling a story. It can create a music video, like JUMP for Blackpink, without any effort from the actual talent, and create a nightmare image of Rose with Jungkook’s facial structure. Do you see the pattern? It’s like cheating your way through school; it produces nothing and wastes precious resources, like time, or in the case of AI, drinking water and electricity.

Cringe > Innovation

What I have seen as the most flagrant accusation of boredom has been the dissonance of innovation and cringe. Let’s take, for example, Ceremony. It’s a song that has no chorus until the end of the song. It’s layered, has high production value, and features something new for Stray Kids and boy band offerings. But what do I see online? It’s awful. Stray Kids are braggy and loud, no talent. K-pop is boring; everything sounds the same. Except, Stray Kids, it’s too experimental. No wait, it sounds like all their other songs, yawn….etc. How can we have the audacity to complain about being bored while we punish bands for taking risks? It’s not just Stray Kids, I have seen similar criticism being launched at Nmixx, NCT, Ateez, Twice, Aespa…the list goes on.

It’s no different when it comes to the world of fiber arts. People complain about how crochet and knitting are getting boring and want new things to make, because everyone is knitting the same things, yet don’t branch out from a few massive pattern makers, like Sari Noorland, Petite Knit, and Andrea Mowry, to name a few. There are so many smaller creators crafting joyful patterns that would disrupt the slump, but no one wants to stand out these days.

I think as this year enters its final act, we should decide what we value more: being entertained? Or being authentic? Do you want to truly discover something new? Do you want to dig deeper for something fresh? It requires us to act, to search, and to participate, because we are allowing ourselves to become boring people, and it is spreading across culture, where it will stay unless we choose to be interesting again. I get it. This year has been demoralizing, and it’s made me feel like giving up many times, but there is always a reason to keep going. What if your big idea is the thing that makes this dull and dreary world sparkle again? You could be the change we need, so stop scrolling and find something that ignites passion in your heart once again!

Trying Libby for the First Time

I recently joined a library again and it feels great. Going to the Meadville Public Library was a staple of our time as residents. Saying goodbye to those endless shelves, antique architecture, and Stars Hollow view of the gazebo from the sweeping windows was a precious gem I took for granted. When we moved to my current town, we checked out the new library and were underwhelmed from both the location – under the borough building – to the sparse and watered down collection. With current attack on public libraries by the big oaf and his minions, we decided to look around for a better option and we found it in a neighboring town.

With library card in hand, I downloaded an app my friend recommended – Libby. It’s a new to me digital book, digital magazine, and audiobook loaning platform that reminded me of audible but better, because its free. We briefly had an audible subscription to fill the void and it was a blast, except for the price. There was also a gatekeeping aspect to it, all these amazing audiobooks are here to change your life – now pay up. 🤨

Although with Libby, there are wait times, I deeply enjoyed my first listen. I chose ‘The Cousins’ by Karen M. McManus. I had started her book ‘One of Us is Lying’ back in 2021 and returned it before I could finish, but I liked her writing style. Since this title was checked out I went with her stand alone novel, for its mysterious yet Gossip Girl- esque plot.

The audio was smooth, with four different narrators that felt more like I was listening to a play than a book. It was atmospheric and enveloping. Listening to a book is my favorite way to craft. It keeps me engaged and off my phone.

What I have discovered since finishing ‘The Cousins’ is the magazine section which offers Marie Claire Korea, Vogue Japan, and several new Korean and Japanese fashion magazines I’ve never seen before. These are the editions I’ve seen my favorite bands featured in but have no way to interact with unless I wanted to pay $50 for an issue sold secondhand. All for free because of the library and the Libby app. I am delighted! 😄

Individuals Without Individuality

What does it mean to be an individual? Are you a person? A sum among parts? An island? A unique person, maybe? What does it mean to do things individually? What does individuality mean to an individual? I really wish this word, and its forms, weren’t so tricky to spell with my slightly dyslexic mind (not formally diagnosed, but it runs in the family). It’s a lot to digest, but this has probably been stewing in my mind for the past year, waiting for me to plate it up.

My culture is incredibly individualistic, and this is expressed in good ways and bad. One good way is that my country is a land of immigrants and indigenous people, meaning there are voices, ideas, and ways of doing things. But when there are people, there are forces of wanting to fit in, wanting to control and suppress, and prescribed ideas of the “best” way. I think this has been at the forefront of my mind because I see a vast amount of content being shared online saying originality is dead, or personal style has been killed by the algorithm. We are all core-ified or aesthetically boxed in, and social media has commodified subcultures. But it’s the internet, critiquing the internet, so we’re of course using broad, and extreme brushstrokes here.

Where my mind has drifted to is the sameness. I see people online discussing the boringness of everything from movies to the same cosmetic procedures, the bland landscape of interior design, and starter pack cliches for “types” of women. There is a sea of Petite Knit patterns, a galaxy of Marvel media that repeat the same formula, reboot television, and romantic tropes pushed by publishers and BookTok to make everything fit nicely in the digital marketing ecosystem. Then we fall into nostalgia, like recession pop, which I found myself listening to the other day, reminiscing about my first summer as a member of Geneva’s painting crew in 2010. Thinking about how different life was before I even had a Facebook.

What we talked about and the memories I made with the women and men of my team were tangible, not digital. We discovered what we liked based on environmental forces, like books assigned in school, books suggested by a friend, etc. Music was discovered and shared by radio play, recommendations from others, and shared playlists that your friend curated, not the music streaming platform or the algorithm. I thought a bit less about my appearance, I mean, in adolescence, you are quite aware, but not as much as the smartphone era has brought attention to the physical image of ourselves. I had fewer pictures, grainier pictures, but more memories. Strong memories are tied to tangible things, like songs, food, books, buildings, and movies. We were all very different from each other, yet we could find commonality, and this is where the gears in my mind started turning.

We were part of a group, but had individuality. Yet, nowadays I feel more like I’m in a void, of no commonality, except for how everyone is into the same things, and wears the same clothes, yet we are not connected, communicating, nor would I even consider that despite our shared things we are on a team or part of a community. It’s hollow.

I think we are missing the point of life. We are not working towards something together. We are not part of communities. We are part of aesthetics. We have become fans not of art or sport but of corporations like Target, Lululemon, Sephora, Stanley, and Tesla. Well, probably not Tesla anymore. Target is also being boycotted, so…anyways. Apple, Alo, Rhode, Kate Spade, Trader Joe’s, Labubu. That’s more 2025, phew. Why are we stanning companies? Why are we considering shopping for a hobby? This is not a way to connect; it is a way to consume and drown in stuff instead of substance. Our roots are becoming so shallow, and our debt is vast; we are plants choked out by the weeds of hyper-individualism. We have let originality become a thing achieved not by character formation and real-life community, but by the path of purchase. Purchases for ourselves. It snuck in so fast, I didn’t realize how the art of gift giving has become a self-care checklist. Yikes! It wasn’t until playing Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing: New Horizons that I was struck by how topsy-turvy my own culture has become. Our priorities are whack, and I believe it has made us lonely, shells, devoid of individual thought, buying our way to “happiness” because all we think about is our individual needs above all. We have forgotten that humans are fulfilled by the relationships and communities we are rooted in. It’s time to break the spell.

My Spring 2025 Soundtrack

Turning grass into unearthed soil – The Tiller

Chirping – Robins

Battleground – Stray Kids

K.K. Oasis

A cut hitting rock – The Shovel

A trickle of water – The Rain Barrel

Staple Jam – The Upholstery Stapler

Cutting Fiberglass Screen – Utility Knife

Slingshot – Nmixx

Glug Glug – Watering Can

Coughing – Garden Tone

Disgust and Fear – The Big Earthworm

K.K. Adventure

My Place

Stalling on Tall Grass – The Mower

Booms that Shake My House – Tannerite from Reckless Community Members

Ice Cream Cake – Red Velvet

Cinema – Lee Know & Seungmin

Humming and Cool Air – The Window A/C

Shock and Gasp – Acid Reflux in the Middle of the Night

Great British Bake Off Theme

Know About Me – Nmixx

Buzzing of Bees

Mia Pulling on the Carpet – Bunny Teeth

Frustration, Fear, and Worry – Trump’s Non Stop Executive Orders

Autism Awareness Content – Fighting The RFK Jr Ignorance

Beginning My Study of Van Gogh

The other day, I ran across Van Gogh’s work again and I went down a rabbit hole of researching his work and soaking it in. I saw his and other artists I admire at the Musee d’Orsay in 2010, and although no pictures were allowed those memories have carried with me. So it got me thinking, would modern life be more beautiful to us again if we saw the world through the eyes of these artists of this movement? 

That’s what I plan to explore this year. This drawing above, captures the view from my sewing room. With modern infrastructure and other touches erased by the magic eraser tool to keep the analog and the natural.

#71 – Caramel

Luscious, warm, a decadent note that makes a dessert sing in perfect harmony. I used to crave this in candy bars, a Twix, or perhaps a scoop of Bruster’s Chocolate Turtle ice cream.

The Great British Bake Off opened my eyes to Banoffee Pie and the simple luxury of making a caramel without instructions. The process is a beautiful as the finished product. A melting sugar and butter, finished with cream.

The Caramel Macchiato taught me what coffee can do beyond ice cream sundaes and candy confections. It can be comforting, a delight to grab between classes, or an awful first job.

But how does one enjoy something they can not eat? I’ve been stumped on how to recreate this treat since my dairy-free lifestyle began, until I picked up a pint of dairy-free Phish Food from Ben & Jerry’s. It had the marshmallow fluff (which I discovered I could eat again this past winter) and ribbons of soft caramel. Caramel that tasted like the real thing.

I began to search for knowledge on blogs and Reddit until I found a recipe so simple I had to give it a try.

  • 1 can of coconut milk
  • 3/4 cup brown sugar
  • 1/4 tsp kosher salt

It was so simple. Melt the ingredients together on medium-low, then boil and reduce for 20 minutes. Let cool in a glass jar and store in the fridge. I made it last night and it was marvelous!

I found Vanilla Bean Oat Milk ice cream at the store for a sundae, and bam, I was a kid again, making an ice cream sundae with my grandparents on a summer evening.

What is a flavor that takes you home? Is there a food you haven’t had in a while that will comfort you in these trying times? Make it, your inner child will thank you.

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