Category: about me

To Bridget, Just As She Is: Accepting My Neurodivergence

One of my favorite scenes from Bridget Jones’ Diary is the dinner party at Bridget’s flat where she makes the blue soup and assorted congealed things. Despite the chaos and mishaps where she is authentically herself, Bridget’s friends and Mark Darcy toast her effort – “To Bridget…who we love…just as she is.”

In many ways, I identify with Bridget. I am a chaos monster who tries my hardest to not mess up, yet I do. I am a bit awkward, a bit of a goofball, I often feel out of place with who I think I should be compared to who I am if I am just myself. I spent most of my twenties trying to be someone I was not because I thought I needed to change to fit in. I wanted to succeed in life and my relationships, without getting to the root of why I felt like a weirdo.

Self-Reflection and Seeking Wise Counsel

I mentioned before that I discovered I was neurodivergent this spring because of the eclipse. I see now how poignant that timing was as my life would transform from April to July. Everything changed overnight, like everything, my relationship with my parents, my marriage, my living situation, my mental health, and the current direction of my life.

All for the better I can say with relief because life doesn’t always go that way. I see now that if I hadn’t been prepared for this season of life, things may not have changed for the better, my life could be in shambles instead.

Being unaware of my neurodivergent personality traits, caused me to feel uncomfortable, overwhelmed, and in a place of survival instead of feeling steady, relaxed, and open to the adventures life has for us. Changes seemed unbearable. Trust unthinkable. Faith was hard to find. I fought it, resisted letting go of control, and let God fully take the lead of what I was worried about.

Unbeknownst to me as to why I would need to brush up on wisdom, I felt led to study Proverbs at the beginning of 2024, and through this study, I was challenged to grow and broaden my approach to how I live life. To seek out wisdom, to prepare for things before they come in faith, to be fruitful with my time, and to guard my heart and mind from toxic patterns.

It was not an easy task, I really like wasting time and worrying about things that I can’t control. I can also be a negative person, instead of focusing on things that are positive and helpful, I’d circle down spirals of negative, snarky, toxicity. This kept me from seeing forgiveness, and being a cooperative person in my relationships, and made me too afraid to step out on faith for what God was planning for me. I needed to renew my mind!

God putting neurodivergence on my heart to look into opened so many doors, I see now, to understanding myself, my relationships, and what I truly want out of life. So as chaos descended in April, I was incredibly thankful that God went ahead of me and gave me such tools of understanding to navigate the big and scary things that were on the horizon.

Fights and Communication

A week before I learned that I was going to need a buy a house or move, my mom and I had a terrible fight. Like a really strange unavoidable fight like we were two asteroids on a crash course with each other.

At the time I was hurting and confused but through the fight, we actually accomplished huge milestones in communication. We placed new healthy boundaries and were brave enough to be honest with each other about what we needed. I was honest about my neurodivergence afterward because of the new safe space we created.

I didn’t know at the time but I had needed that safe space for a long time, over a decade, and I was going to need it immediately as my life was going to be in upheaval with the move and house-buying process.

Having my mom as my confidant, my buddy, and my raft in stormy seas, was exactly what I needed. It was incredible. From chaos to order. That’s how God works.

In the same way, understanding my neurodivergence helped me draw closer to Kyle, finally being able to communicate what I needed and how we could work together and support each other more effectively. It was something we were going to need to be able to work in sync to determine what we were going to do. If we planned to rent a new place or purchase a house, and if so, where? I can see now how all these little things were woven together to make these steps in faith easier because I sought out wisdom and prepared before the trial came.

Bridget, Just as She is

When things got tough, chaotic, and tricky for me to navigate as a highly sensitive person, neurodivergent, and struggling to navigate the change without feeling overstimulated and scared, I didn’t have to explain how I was feeling. Kyle, my mom, and Scott my dad were one step ahead and ready to catch me as I stumbled. Most importantly God was with me every step of the way, and it was incredible to feel His love through the people around me.

As we moved through the process, the move, the closing, the navigating the weird limbo between renting and buying, the move-in, etc. This wonderful, gentle landing place was there for me through the love of my family and friends and around me, the sensitivity toward what I needed. They made me feel loved and worthy through my vulnerable moments, encouraged me when I was feeling low, and comforted me when this world felt too big and too much for me.

I am forever grateful for this journey because I feel secure like I’m on solid ground again. I don’t feel like a weirdo anymore that needs to change to succeed. I feel ready for this world. Okay with who I am and not afraid to be myself because I am a little different.

I have accepted myself for who God created me to be, differences and all. My loved ones have reinforced this. I see this came together so seamlessly because I first sought wisdom, which helped me figure out what I needed from my relationships, and most importantly I learned to give my loved ones a chance to be there for me.

Letting people in is hard. It can also be incredibly rewarding. So is taking the time to encourage, accept, and support people who you love. When a community comes together, amazing things truly do happen, even on the smallest scale.

I challenge you to seek out wise counsel, self-reflection, and healthy boundaries, and find the people who love you just as you are. Be brave and let people see the real you. Be even more brave and support others, a random act of kindness goes a long way! For example on Saturday, my mom reached out and held my hand when we were in a big crowd. That small gesture reminded me that all the overstimulation I was feeling, was temporary and it was going to be okay.

Thank you, dear reader, for spending time with me today. ❤

Creating Sewing and Knitting Tutorials on Instagram

In February, I started sharing short content tutorials, micro-vlogs, and step-by-step knitting patterns for free on Instagram reels. After four months of content creation and thinking like an instructor, how has this changed my thoughts on my purpose? Has it changed my own sewing and knitting skills? Let’s jump in!

I began sharing my work on Instagram back in 2017 as a writer, as my interest in clothes-making pivoted in 2020, so did my Instagram. My intention was a portfolio and not a content creator because, to be honest, that term makes me uncomfortable. It has been a barrier to wanting to share videos consistently when actually making videos that share not just what I made but how I made it, bring me the most joy.

In 2024, I began seeking out a sewing community online, and through this, I found shining examples of creative women and men who yes were creating content but we incredibly passionate about sharing their knowledge and skills to help others create and learn. Instead of it being about a platform and social media fame, it was about education and community to keep art forms like sewing and knitting thriving while helping people see an alternative to fast fashion.

It had a purpose that aligned with where I felt called to be. I want to do more with these skills than just sell people something, I want to create change and equip others with life skills. That’s not to say I wouldn’t love to make fashion that people can and want to wear, that would be awesome! It’s complicated.

I have Potato Technology as a name for my “label” but it is more of an abstract than a business. I’d like to expand more on this at another time, but long story short, I’ve been wrestling with what my skills should be working towards. A business? A fashion line? A following on Instagram? What is success in 2024? What should I define myself with? What is my motivation? These are questions I’ve had and been uncertain how to answer.

What has been a breath of fresh air has been seeing how to apply these skills in a way that they can be useful. In practicing for months these little tutorials, I think I’m discovering why I believe sewing and knitting are vital skills to have. It’s been a journey of discovery! I love showing how I make something. From the tools and tips I have discovered over the past four years or what the process looks like, someone can feel inspired and hopefully confident to give sewing and knitting a try!

That matters to me. I learned to sew and knit through YouTube and it was a game changer. But a lot of things at the moment are being put behind paywalls with subscriptions, courses, memberships, etc. I feel like information that you used to be able to learn from your community or family members is slowly being lost and reshelved behind tipping screens. I don’t think it’s right or fair, nor is it good for our culture to lose art forms that are so vital to daily life. We all wear clothing, we all have garments that need repairs, etc. Making should be an option instead of buying being the only option.

My long-term goal is to find a way to share the tutorials here in a way that makes sense for the platform, as I continue to do I realize all this filming has distracted me from writing. Hopefully, I will find a better balance now that I am moved in and settling into new routines at our house. I’m excited to share more on that story too because it taught me so much about agape love, the kindness of strangers, and how important family and community is to making things go right.

Thank you, dear reader, for taking time for me today. I hope that you know that you are loved, you are worthy, and that without you this blog would be simply a girl with a computer typing into a void. Thank you for your support! I always appreciate it!

Focal Point: A Learning Process in Art

I remember sitting in Art class, the last class period of the day, half listening and half daydreaming, while my art teacher explained the fundamentals of art to my class. I recall perspective, positive and negative space, color, form, repetition, etc. I wished I had paid attention more because I realized I was forgetting an important one – the focal point.

As I previously mentioned in Koala Drawings in Pencil, I wanted to improve my drawing skills by sketching a muse that made me happy and would challenge me. I found my koala inspiration photos on Instagram from the account @gohachi__ which captured images of koalas with so much expression. In my first drawing Koala Scott in Oil Pastel, I mentioned I was thrilled by how it turned out! I loved how the inspiration photo gave me a great perspective of the image and was pleased with the oil pastels for the texture it gave to the image.

I hoped that my second koala drawing would produce the same result but this is not what happened, and it took me a while to figure out why. The original sketch had positive and negative space, and form, and had a focal point – the koala crawling across the main limb of the tree. But, once I added color through my oil pastels, the focal point became murky.

Now is this because I used the wrong medium to add color? Possibly. Or it could be that there are so many details in the original photo and I let those details distract from the focal point of the drawing. Art and photography are related, but different. They are mediums of expression that capture moments but in different ways. Photography creates a scene or captures a moment in time, whereas art can live in a world of imagination. When we look at art it gives us an illusion, connects to an emotion, and gives us an impression of a moment. It’s not a one-for-one match-up. I realized my mistake was that I forgot to think like an artist, instead, I focused on replicating the image which is not going to provide the same emotive qualities that good art does! In my Koala Scott drawing, replicating the koala was the right move because the focal point was clear.

The photograph I used was zoomed in and focused on the koala and its expression. I could let the background fade out of focus and let the koala’s emotions and communication be the star. But the koala crawling across the limb, framed with smaller branches, added clutter to the image. As a photograph, it works because the composition is made for it. As a sketch it was fine, but as a piece of art with color and texture it falls flat. I’m not satisfied with it.

Final Thoughts

As a perfectionist, I hate making mistakes, but as a student, I know that making mistakes is an opportunity to learn! Comparing the two finished drawings I can see how I can improve and that’s exciting.

I think we should be more open to looking at our work, mistakes and all, and look at what went right and what we can improve on. It doesn’t mean we have failed. Learning is messy but practice is how we grow so don’t give up if you’re frustrated with your progress on a skill. Growing takes time. Don’t compare yourself to others, judge your work by your past work and see how you have grown! I hope this encourages you to keep trying and keep growing in whatever endeavors you are embarking on. You got this! ❤

Sorry, I have been a bit absent on here for the last two weeks. I can’t wait until I can explain why I have been distracted because it is a really good story. Thanks for taking time with me dear reader and I wish you a wonderful weekend. Until next time 🙂

#53 – Lemon Curd

In Portal 2, Cave Johnson has an iconic rant about lemons that may have been the inspiration for my Saturday plan – to make dairy-free lemon curd from scratch.

To clarify, no lemons were exploded. But they were zested, juiced, and combined into a luscious lemon sauce and baked into lemon bars. Tart, sweet, buttery, lemon bars.

“All right, I’ve been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager!
Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man whose gonna burn your house down – with the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

-Cave Johnson, Aperture Laboratories

But why did Cave Johnson speak so deeply to my mood on Saturday morning, one of the best times of the week? Well my dysfunctional family, of course. Communication is truly an art form, and for some relationships, healthy communication seems as easy as replicating a Michelangelo masterpiece with a butter knife. I am a member of that club. I feel like sometimes a conversation with my mom is doomed from the start. I call her and there is something in the air. A mistaken tone she finds in me, a lack of matching her extroverted, neurotypical energy.

The inability to recognize drama or harshness in her tone. My anxiety and frustration at being accosted by questions, picking remarks, or in general still not living up to whatever I was supposed to. It’s a mess, a mess that continues to respawn after numerous attempts to get rid of this and live a drama-free life with the mom that I do deeply love even if sometimes I get exasperated at her. This was one of those conversations, I did something and the verbal missiles were locking on me, which was really disappointing because it was supposed to be a simple conversation – what time are you coming up to celebrate my husband’s birthday?

Instead, there was chaos, my confusion at why there was chaos with questions followed by accusations of trying to fight and being told I was being a problem, gaslit into the aggressor when I held my temper in check and just asked questions. There seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I was being baited into a fight and it sucked. It was a conversational sucker punch. Some weeks I don’t even want to pick up the phone, I yearn to move far away from the possibility of hanging out with her, because I just want to be loved not picked at. Being lonely but happy feels better than being close and miserable. I feel like she brings all the drama-ma-ma-ma-ma and then runs away from me after her work is done.

In the screaming silence that followed the nasty encounter, I felt confusion, anger, hurt, sadness, failure, shame, disappointment, a building pressure of anxiety and depression, and the complex childhood trauma memories flooding back of her gaslighting me into thinking I was a kid with an un-teachable spirit, a stubborn child who spirit needed to be broken because seeing things differently from her was a sin.

I feel sorry for my mom because none of those things are true, and keeping me at arm’s length hurts both of us. We only have so much time on this earth, wouldn’t it be better to be laughing instead of arguing, smiling instead of crying?

I’ve learned there is nothing wrong with me. I’m neuro-divergent and God made me this way for a reason. There is beauty in being different, but she can’t see that. She sees me as difficult, and I in turn see her as small-minded.

Recently, I’ve turned to baking when I feel down in the dumps. For a while, baking was quite painful for me, after Grandma passed away in 2020. She was the one who taught me how to bake and that void made baking a chore. Since watching the Great British Bake Off, I’ve found my baking delight once again. We had a bunch of lemons on hand for a separate recipe, and since the rest needed to be used, I decided to make something I’d never made from scratch before. Lemon curd.

They make it on Bake-Off and I used to love eating lemon bars and lemon meringue pie as a kid, it was Papa’s favorite pie. We had it each year on his birthday. It was the bomb. The tart, lemony sharpness of the filling with the pillowy sweet clouds of meringue on top, slightly browned like a marshmallow with a flakey crust. Scrumptious.

Fun fact: My grandma dressed, acted, and looked a lot like Mary Berry. Watching Bake Off is like a hug.

And you know what, baking helped. I felt the tension melt from my shoulders as I zested the lemons and squeezed the juice into the bowl. The delicacy of separating yolks from egg whites required me to slow down, to breathe through the emotional stress. I made a cup of herbal tea and began work on the sugar and butter. After combining it came time to use the bain-marie to slowly temper the eggs and cook until thickened. The result was a dreamy curd that I was hoping for!

Out of pain, something beautiful came, and the next day I made shortbread for the lemon bars and layered the golden yellow lemon sauce into the pan for a delight I hadn’t had since childhood. Next time we’ll make that lemon meringue pie.

I’m glad I’ve learned coping mechanisms like baking, cleaning, stimming, etc so that I am not tempted to rage at my mom, clench my jaw, get drunk, or go on a shopping spree to fill the pain with stuff. It’s been a journey but through my tumultuous twenties, I learned that the dysfunction is never going away but who I am and how I respond to it are not beholden to other people and their poor behavior. And that is true freedom.

Have you ever made lemon curd? Do you like lemon meringue pie or lemon bars? What’s your go-to way to calm down after a stressful encounter? Thank you, dear reader, for coming along on this blogging journey with me. I’m incredibly thankful for you.

Pretty Sakura. Maybe I do Enjoy Pink? Reclaiming Girlhood.

The title of this post is actually a haiku, in honor of the post’s subject, Sakura. Sakura also known as cherry blossom in Japanese, has significance in Japanese culture. What the Sakura represents is a contradiction, the cherry blossom season, although beautiful is fleeting and represents life and death, beauty and violence.

Significance of Cherry Blossoms

As Sakura season marks the beginning of spring a season that celebrates new life and vitality the cherry blossom’s life span is quite short, reminding us that life is fleeting. It is a beautiful yet poignant message that is wise and to be honest, a message that I don’t see discussed much in the West unless it is through unserious dark humor, doomsday-type rumblings, or in the Christian faith where we remember that our time on earth is breath compared to the eternity with God.

Life as a fleeting concept is not highlighted as much in America. We seem to have a false sense of prosperity, invincibility, and unwavering desire to plan for the future our culture demands we are owed – wealth planning, retirement, endless health, etc. But truly we are more like the cherry blossom than the rocky mountains.

This deep and beautiful concept has sparked my interest in cherry blossom season in Japan and Korea for the wise sentiments of the cherry blossom season. It has helped me look forward to Spring which in the past, has not been a favorite season for me. Animal Crossing New Horizons brought this full circle with the joyful way the game brings the season to the player even if you don’t live near cherry blossom trees. The game envelops you in the pink splendor of the Sakura while giving you a mission – collecting cherry blossom petals to craft into cherry blossom recipes – wallpaper, flooring, umbrella, picnic set, bonsai, etc. It’s so fun and it’s helped me appreciate this color palette.

Feelings Toward Pink

I’m not sure if I’ve ever loved pink. I’ve been a purple girl and I wonder if my dislike of pink came from a stubborn moment from childhood. I appreciate the design and beauty that my mom created by coordinating our third-floor “suite” at my grandparent’s house in a color palette of pinks and greens. She mixed wallpapers, textiles, and carpets to create this cozy and cute little world that I can see now was a little floor of happiness. She put a lot of effort into it. As a kid though, my friends were able to choose the design of their rooms and I was annoyed that I didn’t get this chance, instead of being grateful and appreciative, I decided that I hated pink. All pink. I’ve held this opinion for 20+ years I’d say, which is honestly insane! Past self you were truly salty!

I’d say the Barbie pink and the bimbo and mean girl association with pink reinforced my dislike of this color. It was a color that was demonized and treated as frivolous feminity, and an enemy to third-wave feminism in the 1990s which was the culture girls my age grew up in. It gets tied up with being “not like other girls” something that was an easy trap to fall into in the 2010s. Basically, I took these opinions in and let them inform my feelings of a beautiful color instead of seeing it for what it was, just a beautiful color that appears everywhere – the sky, flowers, fruit, etc. It’s ridiculous to write off a color.

Maybe it was K-pop girl groups? Maybe it was millennial pink? But slowly as I’ve entered my thirties, pink is no longer an enemy. Animal Crossing has provided a way to play around with pink, in decor and clothing. My little character looks so cute in these pink looks and her house is filled with joy when I use pink accents. It’s not scary, it’s not frivolous, it’s fun.

Electra Dashwood’s Positive Influence

I think Electra Dashwood’s style has been a huge help to me in associating the color pink, specifically the light Sakura pink with positive feelings because of how she decorates and styles her world with this rosy shade. Her content is filled with light, kindness, and warmth. It is an example of pink in a positive way. So much so that when I brought a poetry notebook (ahem, very much influenced by her poetry journal habit) I bought a light pink one with cherries that are in the shape of hearts. A very aegyo (cute display in Korean) choice!

In my thirties, I have learned into what makes me happy, kawaii things. Kawaii means cute, tiny, or loveable in Japanese, and is similar to aegyo in style. I have been gravitating towards this kind of style because it makes me feel less like the world is depressing. It reminds me that we can seek the light, the hope, the goodness out in our world. It’s kind of like the fixation cute things have on strawberry milk right now. It’s pink, it’s cute, I’m not sure what makes it bring so much joy to the world right now, but it’s really cool.

I’ve started buying pink accents for my workspace like a pink sewing machine mat with a matching pedal mat, a kawaii light pink dust pan with a winking face, not to forget I have begun sewing with pink fabric. I’ve been gravitating towards girlier patterns and hues, including bows which I credit to the blokette and coquette aesthetics becoming popular last year which brought them to my feed. K-drama protagonists and K-drama fashion have a cool yet feminine vibe that has made these girlie accents inspiring to me. I feel like I am reclaiming girlhood in my style instead of being afraid to join in.

Have you ever disliked a specific color? Have you seen the Sakura in real life?

A Cup of Wisdom Warms the Heart

“Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence. The fear of the LORD is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor.”

Proverbs 15:32-33 ESV

Doesn’t that sound like something Uncle Iroh would tell Prince Zuko in their quest to catch the Avatar? That’s what I thought of when I read it. A lot of my reading through Proverbs so far has similarly struck me. I will be reading a chapter, line after line of little tidbits of wisdom in the style of literature Solomon seemed to favor, that at times feels sing-songy like a bit of Shakespeare, and then “BAM!” I’m caught in my tracks by the profoundness of what the line of poetry just said. In those moments, I think of Uncle Iroh. I think anyone who is a fan of Avatar the Last Airbender, wishes they had an Uncle Iroh in their life because people like Uncle Iroh seem few and far between.

I think that’s why the loss of my grandparents feels like such a hole in my life, a vacuum of wisdom. I love my mom but it isn’t the same kind of relationship, there isn’t that well of wisdom that flows into our conversations because there is a different approach to life she follows. It’s a well-developed, rich, sort of wisdom that can only come with hard work and deep study of wisdom itself. They had that and they shared it willingly, sometimes to my chagrin as like young Zuko, I didn’t want to hear it.

And like Zuko of season two learns, the echo chamber of losing the voice of reason in your life is way more frustrating than hearing hard truths that mirror your own folly. It is irreplaceable. I miss their wisdom. I miss the surrounding of elders and wise people who seemed to be around me in childhood but seem harder to find with age. I think there is a passing of the torch so to speak whereby aging you are supposed to grow, change, and dwell with the wisdom of life to pass on to others and that transition can sometimes feel like you are treading water.

“If you look for the light you can often find it. If you look for the dark it is all you will ever see.”

Uncle Iroh

Growing older is odd. I never thought I would miss reproof and instruction but I do.

In the spirit of both the verses from Proverbs and the quote from Avatar the Last Airbender, the only way to fix this void is to look deeper and further to continue to seek out good influences in my life, and ways to be challenged to never settle who and where I am now, but to push further to find the well of wisdom and in turn be a well of wisdom to others.

Where do you go to find wisdom? Is it a person? A belief system? A text? Have you continued to seek after it, even crave it as you have gotten older? Have you been able to be an Uncle Iroh to someone in your life?

#48 – Craft Paper

An item that I added to my sewing tools in 2024 is brown craft paper and it has been a game changer! It’s not only transformed my creative process but has helped me create new garments that fit me better with less fabric waste. How cool is that?

Learning is Hardwork

As with every new skill, the first phase of creating is messy and full of flaws, this was my creative process. You have to start and in starting you are an imperfect sewist, fitting and pattern cutting are tricky and this really bothered me to accept. I like getting things right the first time. Learning to accept that this was going to be a journey, was frustrating at first. I have a vision in my head but I can’t always execute the vision at this stage. These things are part of the learning process, like using existing patterns to learn the techniques and accepting that things are going to fit poorly until I can learn to tailor them. Which is happening! With each garment I make, I can see a progression toward the goal, slow and steady but still moving forward.

But there has been a process I did not expect and that is making pieces with my silhouette and my body type in mind, not just my measurements. Things I want to make may not look fantastic on my proportions. That was a time of trial and error in my creative process that I wasn’t expecting because when you go to a store and try on clothing, the design decisions are already made and you only have to decide on which silhouette you would like to choose. But with fashion design, self-drafting patterns in particular, I realized what was going to make me happy was experimentation. Trying a little bit of everything and playing around with different styles to see what I liked and what looked good on my body.

Sometimes just an inch here, a lowered line there, a rise adjustment, or nipping in a shoulder can transform a project from a flop to a success. It’s subtle yet effective and a skill I see you are only capable of learning from experience, either from your own by the process of being self-taught or from the instruction of more skilled designers. It is sculptural, artistic, and honestly sometimes like architecture or construction. It may be fabric and tread but the same principles apply. The foundation is crucial, and the foundation of any garment is the fabric and how you cut it.

Enter the Craft Paper

How do you replicate a project that works? You need a template, a jig, or a blueprint. A pattern. I thought that understanding the dimensions alone would suffice when I am cutting, but there is nothing like having the template to keep my cutlines accurate for curves and hem allowance. It takes the guesswork out of this process which if you are cutting blind is like a chess match with the fabric and your memory of what you have made before. It’s too difficult so I needed to work smarter and make my own pattern pieces out of paper. There were two tops that I had designed that fit me quite well out of a stretch knit and before they were properly sewn together, I took the pins out and traced them onto my craft paper.

Two bodice types – one scoop neck, one v-neck, and one sleeve template. From this inexpensive paper I have found a cipher to make things with more finesse. A tried and true bodice and sleeve that can be used for tops or dresses. A foundation to build upon that has streamlined my making process. You don’t have to be an expert at your craft to make a template, I thought I had to reach mastery before I was worthy to do this, it is simply part of the making process to make things with excellence in mind.

Fix On

I’ve watched a few creators for too long without questioning why “good enough” was their motto. I in turn also fell back on this type of approach to my designs as I learned because learning is hard work. Striving to be better is not fun, it’s maintaining a critical eye and raising your standards for yourself. In this sewing journey of learning and making, instant gratification and impatience are my Achilles heel. I want to do things quickly because everything is done quickly now. I get stuck in that loop of making more, making faster, chasing after goals, and feeling left behind because I am still not selling my patterns or garments, still.

But “good enough” is fine for Youtubers who have an established brand and following, but that’s not going to get me anywhere near my goals of design. I have to continually “fix on” as Mingi says, to the goal ahead and stop paying attention to what others have done to achieve their success. They are already in that space and that is the path their life has taken, I have to find my own thing and continue to work hard.

I’m sharing this to encourage you dear reader to not settle and to challenge yourself to be your own person. I believe that God gave you unique talents and has a plan tailor-made for your life so fight the hive mind of our current world and do the strange thing – work hard, strive for excellence, and be uniquely you! I hope that wherever you are today you remember that you are special, you are loved, and that you have potential for excellence. No matter what has happened in your life and how gray the skies are above you, there is still hope for a future.

A Pearl, a Girl, and an Oath

Write about your first name: its meaning, significance, etymology, etc.

My name Margaret, and middle name Elizabeth were chosen by my mom for her maternal grandmother, Margaret Elizabeth.

As a kid, I truly didn’t enjoy my name. Especially at roll call or meeting a new teacher, there was the Margaret haze that hungover the introduction. My classmates found it to be a funny, old lady name and in response I refused to go by it for years.

It was Maggie or Magz. I couldn’t see the beauty of the gift of the name. It wasn’t a curse, it was a connection to the past.

With maturity, I’ve grown to truly appreciate this name. I’m honored to carry both Margaret and Elizabeth of my great-grandma and grandma. I’ve discovered since those school days that I like being unique. I don’t meet a lot of Margarets. I’ve also had the opportunity to learn that I am a lot like Margaret Elizabeth I and Elizabeth. They both had a passion for sewing, and that has carried down to me.

I researched that Margaret traces back to Old Iranian and means pearl, and Elizabeth derives from the Hebrew Elisheva which means God is my oath.

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