Category: about me

A Shy Girl Goes To The DMV

I’d say this photo, featured above accurately represents how I feel in situations like going to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) to renew my driver’s license. It’s a blur of moments, faces, government jargon, and touch screens. The big stack of papers signed and passed along in the process of closing on a house is more etched in my brain than the 20 minutes at my local DMV location. There is something about the dull, harsh lighting and bland walls covered in bulletins, electronic screens, and directions. It’s overstimulating and yet underwhelming. It is not a place I feel comfortable in.

This feeling began many years ago during the driver’s permit test process, in a different DMV, equally dull and filled with too many signs and screens. There was always one piece of information I was missing. A document my mom and I forgot, or a process out of order. The test was deceptively easy to study and terrifyingly tricky when taken, and I almost missed too many answers due to the sheer amount of distraction of the dull yet harsh environment.

This time, was one of those such times. Renewing in 2017 was easy, it was a new DMV with friendly people. Renewing in 2021 was an absolute breeze because there was no need to go in for the photo, just click and pay at home. It spoiled me. Renewing this time in 2025 was one of those DMV experiences fraught with tricky trip-ups.

Not surprising for me, it’s been a place I have been thwarted for years, from nervously failing the parallel park portion because I was afraid of my test proctor and his gruff demeanor or forgetting to keep my permit up-to-date and having to renew to test to wait four months for another testing time. The government process is nothing if not inefficient and a war of attrition.

The gauntlet was thrown down. Waiting for Christmas and New Year to pass, I renewed my license online and got stuck in a loop of changing my address. I then could not reach the process to renew anymore, because it was updating my address. So I mailed my renewal and waited. I then received two separate address updates for the license set to expire, but no update on my renewal.

Two weeks passed and I began to anxiously check the internet for a timeline – usually within 15 business days. Oh no, business days…I sent it in the mail on Jan 2, how many days would spend in the USPS system? Then a former president passed, delaying mail service. Was renewing it a month in advance not enough?! We then checked online, showing it had been renewed. Phew! But, when? I received another piece of mail, updating my voter registration automatically, but no temporary license or camera card.

Each day as the mail came, I ran to check it like Ralphie waiting for his Little Orphan Annie secret decoder pen. I began to worry, was my license going to expire waiting for it to show? Was it all going to unravel because of the sluggish pace of the government institution? How was I going to follow behind in my car when my husband’s car went for inspection in February? Was it back to walking for me?

Then one beautiful day I heard the mailbox close with a slam (it’s a very old cast iron mailbox), I scurried from my work room and descended the stairs with the promise of the future in my eyes. My delight was palpable as my hand pulled a DMV envelope from the mailbox. The envelope tore with ease, revealing the temporary license and camera card in my hands. All was saved!

On the next good weather weekend (it’s been a winter of snow squalls) we made our way to the DMV for the last battle left, the camera portion. Now as a shy person, this is the part that still makes me want to recoil. I never liked picture day at school. When a camera is pointed at me I can’t smile normally. I feel like a spotlight bears down upon me, filling me with dread. My smile looks unnatural, sometimes like a grimace if I smile with teeth. If I smile with a closed mouth like I did throughout my braces era, it looks uncomfortable, my shyness written across my face.

Filled with shyness, I sallied forth, pulling my ticket in preparation for a long wait. To my surprise, my number was called immediately and I had to go to a completely separate area, by myself. Something I dread in unfamiliar places. So in a flurry of adrenaline, I went into the photo room and unbeknownst to me went to the wrong side of the table to sit down. The DMV lady shouted at me, my face immediately turning red. Embarrassed and ashamed at my accident, my apologies flowed forth. She continued to scold me in front of the other citizens there to get their photo. It was incredibly awkward.

She was sweet to the other people and continued to speak to me with contempt, even though I continued to apologize for my mistake. I was flustered. Ripping my paperwork and not knowing where to go. Soon the others in front of me were served. It was my time to smile but to be honest, I was so embarrassed and concerned they were going to remove me as a security threat, I knew that wasn’t going to be possible.

Then the weirdest thing happened the lady switched from harsh to calm, saying she needed to yell at me for the camera on the ceiling or she would face consequences. (What? That’s bizarre.) It was tough to trust the nice demeanor, was she going to snap at me again if I made another mistake?

At that point, I was introvert drained from the drama, and wanted to hide. My posture could not hide my internal feelings as I sat down in front of the camera. Flash, the first picture snapped displaying a red-faced blank expression. She offered me a retake and snap, and a turtle-necked miserable-looking photo appeared on screen. I believe she offered me another retake but my mind was far away.

I continued to make mistakes, including selecting Arabic on my screen to fill out a few more things for completion. As she handed me my card, she apologized finally for scaring me, which I appreciated and I wished her a good day. I looked at my ID card and was horrified, the person doesn’t even look like me. The bottom half of the image is stretched out, compared to my photo from 2017 it looks like I aged and let myself go from how distorted the image is from what I saw on the screen.

It was the cherry bomb on top of the 2025 battle: DMV vs. Shy Girl.

I’ve tried to remind myself that what is important is that I did it, I didn’t cry when shouted at, and I didn’t give into my anxiety and bail. I did it and persevered, the bad picture happened but it doesn’t reflect what I actually look like and no one is really going to see it. But dang, what an awful experience! I think why the new picture feels like such a jump scare is it is all my fears wrapped up into one – aging and looking ugly and fat. My culture is obsessed with thinness and beauty. Plastic surgery is becoming normalized and it is sickening how vain we all are becoming. I forgot to do my hair, I didn’t wear foundation just a little eyeliner, and I forgot to gua sha.

The picture was just me and things out of my control like getting scolded, bad lighting, and a stretched image created something without beauty, because beauty is not the goal for the DMV, it is clinical and for the process of identification. It is a stark contrast to the world of filters, good lighting, and curated perfection fed to us in this current age. Seeing that ugly image, rocked my confidence because even though I find my worth in Christ, I still live in this fallen world that equates beauty and youth with virtue and worth. So what happens when life happens and time passes? We become older, we gain weight and no longer look like the size 2 self from our teen years?

Is everything past that point worthless? I realized, as I looked at the image of my expired license and the new one that having the same picture for two renewals, warped my view of how I am aging. The younger version also was far more curated as a coping mechanism. I used to be a stickler for straightening my hair, wearing makeup, jewelry, and food restriction to be in the beauty standard to blend in, like an outer shell. Protective, candy-coated.

But the younger version of myself would have been unable to cope with a stranger yelling at me without crying and shutting down. Any picture of myself I saw as ugly, I had no confidence even at my skinniest. All the things that have happened since 2017 – loss of loved ones, getting shunned by family members, reconnecting with my dad and his family only to get hurt again, losing my place to live, having nowhere to live, and crashing in people’s guest rooms for a few weeks, moving to Georgia and back, subsequent moves out of sketchy landlord situations, my first job, my first layoff in a global pandemic, etc.

It’s been a lot and through that process, I grew character and began to unmask. So what if I don’t look the same as I did in 2017? I thought I looked ugly and fat in my 2017 ID photo and was ashamed. It’s just a photo on a driver’s license card. I like the person God has shaped me to be more now in 2024, than the person who was lost and far from God in 2017. Cheers to growth!

2025 Intentions

Have you ever watched one of the Top Gear UK challenges, from the good old days of Clarkson, May, and Hammond?

The amphibious cars, DIY caravans, lorry drivers, hot-hatchbacks, cheap Porsches, etc. There is one thing in common. There is a scoreboard, the points make no sense, it’s all a big laugh, and on that terrible disappointment, it’s time to end.

This is what I equate growing an Instagram was like in 2024.

I did the things. I’ve made many pieces of content across stories, reels, and posts. I’ve sewn and knit a varied amount of things. I’ve done silly trends, serious reviews, inspirational posts, filmed tutorials, recorded thoughtful voice overs, and participated in the “add yours” cards on stories.

I turned on metrics. I carefully analyzed posting times, consistently shared things to keep engagement up, took breaks to avoid spamming, carefully thought of 3-second hooks, transcribed subtitles, filmed artistic shots, and agonized over lighting. I networked, supported other creators, and tried to make genuine connections. Got burned a few times by people who only interacted with me for the follow and stopped talking to me and following me after months of supporting them. It’s tricky making friends on that platform. Connections are either amazing, lovely people, or not at all. I met several lovely people too, it wasn’t all bad.

I ended the year with higher engagement, more friends, and negative or neutral growth depending on the refresh. The metrics contradict themselves constantly. I’ve lost as many followers as I’ve gained. I’ve learned I had ghost followers who were keeping my engagement low. I also had accounts following me that left the platform through Meta’s deactivation due to idleness. It’s one of the worst algorithms, showing your followers your posts days after you share them. Zuckerberg, do better.

I ended 2024 feeling like I was on a Top Gear challenge. Meta added and subtracted points to my metrics total willy nilly, like Richard Hammond getting minus “exactly the points he had” so that he ends with naught. It was nonsensical and mind-boggling. This platform provides no satisfaction in what you accomplish.  I got one point here, minus a thousand there, 20 points for this task – yada, yada, yada.

So 2025, what am I doing with my time? What am I working towards? I am going to write more and move on from growing an Instagram account to open a shop. Not interested anymore. It’s not happening and I think it’s a blessing. Fiber art creation is going back to being a hobby. I’m not going to be a fashion designer, or a pattern designer, or a sewing educator, or a part of fixing fashion. I am going to make things I like and have fun, and share what I want where I choose for the fun of it. I have a backlog of projects that I haven’t shared here because of the distraction of Instagram. I am looking forward to writing more, new things, and celebrating the victory of finishing the Udal Cuain manuscript. Available to peruse here. I’m going to do art, I’m going to garden, to bake, learn things, and work hard. I’m excited about it. The key intention is to focus on fulfillment over productivity, and when my to-do list is crossed off to feel fulfilled, not productive.

What are your plans or goals for 2025?

My Winter Soundtrack 2024

Strategy – Twice

Typewriter cadence of chewing sounds on romaine lettuce – Mia, the bunny

Jamboree! – game narrator, Mario Party Jamboree

Pages turning – Kyle reading Seed Catalogs

Falling Up – Stray Kids

The Valley Comes Alive – Stardew Valley

Whirring of a small motor – Kitchen Aid Mixer

Silence blanketing the air – A night of steady snowfall

Large Hop – Mia, leaping into her hay pan

Wowie! – Luigi, Mario Party Jamboree

Sprinkles shaken from their jar – Cookie-decorating

Hallucination – I.N.

The opening of a bag – Mia’s treats

Scissors gliding through paper – the act of wrapping presents

Night – Stray Kids

Well, there’s your problem! – Adam and Jaime, Mythbusters

Departures TV Show Opening Soundtrack

ABCD – Nayeon

Shock and disgust – My mom sprinkled cumin on her Swedish Tea Ring Pastry dough instead of cinnamon

A metal shovel scraping a concrete sidewalk – my neighbor shoveling early on Christmas Eve morning

Hairdresser Reacts – Brad Mondo

Paper rustling – Ricola Cough Drops

Glug Glug – Pouring my facial toner into my hand

A Plastic Lid opening – Fluffernutter Marshmallow fluff

Walkin’ on Water – Stray Kids

A smug Snowboy – Animal Crossing New Horizons

Oh No! – Toad, Mario Party Jamboree

Explosions – Mythbusters

Oh Fuuuudge! – Ralphie, A Christmas Story

Jimmy Carr’s laugh – Big Fat Quiz Show

#67 – Decorating, Snow, and Small Upgrades

Christmas knitting is full swing and I am yet again behind! This happens every year to me. Oh well. But, this is one of my favorite seasons of the year and I wanted to share some tidbits that have made this year a little merrier.

This is the first Christmas in our house. It was special moment unboxing our decorations that have moved with us from apartment to apartment that can now be rested here. Some are heirloom pieces that lived a life long before I was born, such as the nativity my Grandma cast in the 1970s. Others are ornaments given by piano students.

The Christmas village was my mom’s and I remember putting it out in on the third floor, our little apartment within my grandparents’ house. I can’t believe the journey it has been on with me through my life. I am also excited to have a staircase to decorate with garland like my mom and Grandma have done each Christmas. It makes it feel like home.

The next thing that has filled this time with joy, has been the fresh paint of my sewing room. Kyle graciously primed the woodwork and painted this room while I was sick. It satisfyingly looks like the color scheme of my bedroom at my mom’s before an ice dam melted through my ceiling in 2015, destroying it. I’ve missed this mauve-lavender color. I took the opportunity to rest my Stray Kids, NCT, and Aespa posters. I like the minimalist cozy atmosphere this room radiates now with this simple makeover. It was a room I kinda hated before with its janky woodwork and boring walls. Now it looks complete!

We’ve been blessed with a little lake effect snow and it has been a marshmallow world. The views here become serene and open without the leaves. Some may see this as bleak but I love the transformation of snow and the peaceful slumber of the nature for the winter months. I hope we get more moments like this.

Lastly, we made some upgrades to our first floor before Thanksgiving. Our daybed’s framework broke. Instead of buying new furniture, Kyle set to work on designing a whole new base frame for the couch, complete with storage drawers! We also updated our front door with stained glass window film. Cheap? Yes, but, it allowed us to remove the broken blind that was an eyesore while maintaing privacy until we decide on a permanent solution for this door.

At 20 USD it was an affordable way to create character to a pretty ugly door. We’re making slow progress on updating the house, but as time goes by I realize, it’s part of the fun and changing everything all at once, if we had the money (which we don’t) would be pretty boring! Anyways, I hope wherever you are you have a lovely day and thanks for stopping by my little blog. Now, time to get back to Christmas knitting. I can’t wait to show you what I’m making! 😁

World’s 3rd Best Sunsets

We were in Erie Apparel when my husband asked, what’s the story behind the shirts that say ‘World’s 3rd Best Sunsets’? The employee laughed and replied that a ranking system supposedly placed Presque Isle on the top of the list but couldn’t find the article to verify, so Erie decided to claim third. What a goofy and lovely idea. I’d have to say it is one of the best I’ve seen in person!


It was as good as any ocean sunset I’ve seen and I have watched them from Marco Island, FL, Tybee Island, GA, and Ireland’s Wild Atlantic Way, this was the best. I think the only one I’ve seen that compares is a random winter sunset I saw in Erie in 2019 (from a Wegman’s parking lot).


We got to Presque Isle right as the sun descended into the horizon. The wind was whipping up from a small storm and the lake had breakers that sounded like any I’ve heard on the Atlantic Ocean. Here are some shots from the beach and the sky with its fearsome clouds blowing in.

Kyle and I had never planned to go watch a sunset before and it was worth it. It was one of those stereotypical romantic things that I’ve tried to pretend I’m too cool for. I’m not and it’s worth it to go do the touristy, basic things. They are classics for a reason.

Have you been to Presque Isle? Have you seen the Great Lakes? What is your favorite sunset spot?

Thank You for 100 Subscribers!

While I was on vacation up to Erie I received exciting news! I saw this blog has reached 100 subscribers! It made my day. I am so grateful to everyone who has subscribed. You guys are amazing! I appreciate every view, every visitor, every like. It’s given me purpose in a season of transition, helped me get back into writing, and drawing, and feel more comfortable sharing Potato Technology designs online. It has also been a rewarding way to connect with people worldwide which I find exciting.

I’m hoping in time to connect more, and maybe keep comments on my posts to get to know you more. I’m just shy and scared of getting hate comments when I want this to be a safe space. Maybe in 2025? I’ll keep trying to be brave.

I’m looking forward to sharing bits about my trip and some more sewing and knitting projects I’ve completed in September. September was a busy month! I think heading into October, I’ve needed a break. It was good to get away and refresh. I’ve been feeling a bit of writer’s block the past week so I took a small break from the blog too, hoping to have renewed my creativity!

Thank you, dear reader, for such an amazing milestone! I hope you have a wonderful day and that I see you around the blog again. There are many exciting things I have planned that I would love to share with you. I hope you know that you are loved and worthy just as you are.

Slow It Down, Make It Bouncy

I think the only thing bouncy here is me feeling like I’m bouncing off the walls of my creative box after setting a goal in 2024. This goal was to get serious about my sewing and knitting Instagram account, use the creator metric tools, and learn how to use my digital marketing background to create engagement.

The Focus

I wanted a lifestyle change, an actual commitment to taking this seriously and it has worked. Follower count is a garbage stat on Instagram as mine hops around like a binkying rabbit, but engagement, interactions, and reach have been insightful tools to see how this can grow and what I should be working towards.

Now that it is Q4, um, I am creatively burnt out. So many reels, so much video recording, so many moments having to stare at my own face and body because I am the model, and try not to get body dysmorphia or feel self-absorbed. Yikes it messes with the head. The way some pieces of content have huge runs of traffic and some fall flat must be what it feels like to find the crab and miss the crab on the same string of pots. It’s wild.

My Internal Monologue

I spend time tracking and comparing one piece of content against another one that performed better on a different day or was posted at the same hour, so why did it perform differently? Did I use the right tags? How do I capture the same magic in a new piece of content? Should I use a formula for my pictures or videos? Oh no! Am I one note? How do I mix it up? Was that the right song? Should I create more content with trendy sounds? Was it my hair? Is it because I haven’t painted my sewing room yet? If I paint it a color I like will it perform better or worse? Should I paint it a sad beige? No that’s insane.

I miss the days of making content that didn’t feature my face, or my designs, and was not solely based on my own deadlines. But I hated that job?! Why do I miss the days of launching that Employee App or writing for an internal corporate magazine that was employee propaganda? I think its the artistic blues mixed with the echo chamber of the algorithim. When I get stuck in the metrics and the trends, I’ve noticed I have blinders to the things that are going well. Instead of appreciating any person who takes the time to watch my reels or like my posts, I refuse to let myself feel happiness.

It’s really unhealthy. It’s killing my mindset and keeping me from feeling inspired to create or to write. I’m just bottling it all up because I’m embarrassed of how this is getting to me. I feel silly. And because I am building something, and don’t feel like I have something to show for it, even though I do because it is on the internet. But how else in 2024 can you reach people in our world of technological disruption to our sense of community? So its not silly. It is work and can lead to something.

Wake Up

It’s time I creatively refresh and slow down. I’ve accomplished my goal of making it a habit and learning how to grow engagement. It’s time to shift gears. It’s October and I’ve barely written a piece of fiction or poetry. My artistic practice has slowed, my sketchbook gathering dust. What about Japanese, Korean, and the language of the piano? So dusty.

How about my goal to knit socks? It’d be nice to try at least one before 2025.

So as October, November, and December stretch out to the horizon, I’m looking forward to finishing this year strong and with renewed purpose. This blog is for all my hobbies; unfortunately, sewing is my coping mechanism. And when that landlord said we had to buy or get out, I went into a full-on sewing spiral.

It’s been a fun time. I’ve sewn so much more than I’ve even had the time to share on Instagram or the blog. It’s starting to get lost, all those moments, with haste instead of being shared with patience and proper love.

So I’m going to start. This afternoon I sat down and learned how to play the beginning of Für Elise. Tomorrow I hope to write and to feel free to create slowly. To be intentional with my time and pull my mind back into writing and the things I want to write about in my heart. Maybe some yoga thrown in there too.

Reclaiming the Calm

As I mentioned in The Rewards and Scars of Setting Healthy Boundaries, I am on a journey to let go of the cortisol and tension I have unknowingly stored in my body. I didn’t realize I was doing this, possibly for decades now, because I don’t feel my feelings I bury them, which I’m working on. The only time I think I wasn’t doing this was during my sophomore and junior years in college when I was doing yoga practice, deep breathing, and trying to get to know myself. Which sounds odd, but was a great way to get through a broken heart.

Emotional Unintelligence

The hows and whys of the broken heart are a bit complicated but I was muddling through the after-effects of a situation ship. Why a situation ship? Well, I believe I was doing anything and everything to feel something, because I buried the heartbreak I felt at the end of high school, realizing my dad had missed my entire childhood and turning 18 meant that child support, the only string connecting us was severed. I didn’t know where he was and if I would see him again. It turns out I did see him again and would be moving to the same town as him five years later, another story for another day. Life is wild.

Anyways, coming out of high school the weight of that broken heart was so much I didn’t know what to do with it. There was so much emotion, so much tension and confusion, in my mind and body that I didn’t understand so my brain freaked out and gave me my first taste of anxiety, depression, and panic. It was a lot. During this time I also lost my ability to cry. I went totally numb which was unnerving, but at the time I was happy at least I wasn’t overwhelmed by my emotions anymore. The downside was that I felt nothing.

I’m Chuck Bass

I didn’t like that. I’m a highly sensitive person, an artistic soul, and feeling is how I understand the world around me. I wanted to feel like myself again. Here’s where the mess began – I decided to go into dating in college in this incredibly unhealthy mindset. These casual relationships were doomed from the start. It couldn’t grow into something real because I wasn’t emotionally available. Which opened the door for the worst relationship type in my opinion the situationship. It was the exact opposite of what my personality needs or wants but hey, I couldn’t feel anything so how hurt could I get?

Blown Up Life

Yeah, this blew up in my face. Once I came out of this situationship and this time of emotional numbness, I realized that I had completely blown up my life. Close relationships that I had from high school were not there. I had not invested in good friendships and community in my college life either by not seeking it out or ditching out on friends who could have been healthy supportive people, because I was scared of these friendships. It was a mess. I was so lonely. I had to get to know myself because there was no one else. I also didn’t know myself anymore. Who was this numb person I had been? Who is this new person who feels, but also feels lost and lonely?

There was so much I needed to understand about myself before I could be a good friend again or try dating once more. I didn’t know where I was going, or who I wanted to be as an adult. There was so much change in a short time. It was time to pause, slow down, and spend time doing the work to find this new person within the closed-off shell.

Meeting A Healthier Me

During this time I became independent for the time. I started going to the coffee shop by myself and learned to be okay on my own, which was wild. This is a skill I’ve forgotten how to do. I let myself be alone with my thoughts, it was a rough road to get there. This time alone started with a season of insomnia, where there was no choice but to be by myself, and now I realize spent time alone with God even though I wasn’t focused on this at the time. I discovered new shows like Fruits Basket, Trigun, Firefly, and Vikings. I also began thinking seriously about what I wanted in life with this new scenario. I didn’t end up going to fashion school or doing the Fashion Business major I was supposed to create with my advisor. I found myself drawn to fashion history through the creative sandbox of one cool professor who gave us the freedom to explore our interests.

I also started doing yoga and learning to train my mind and my breathing to keep going when my body and mind were tangled up in knots from the stress and trauma of life. It was the first time I think I was doing exercise for exercise itself not for a job like paint crew or campus mail delivery for the mailroom, which were both pretty physical. My campus was old and full of hills and stairs, so many stairs.

2020s Version of Numb

As life goes on, things repeat. Life changed again and I got busy. I stopped practicing these healthy habits into post-grad and getting married which was dumb on my part. I got healthier but I don’t think I got wiser. So I find myself now relearning how to find healthy balance and healthy habits to rid myself of the tension and wild mind that has trapped me in a prison of my own making.

How do I find my way out? My plan is to reflect and discuss that process here as I go through this journey of self-discovery again because I think this is something we all face and I wish I had known more about emotional health when I was younger. There are a lot of things that kept that from being something I understood. We don’t always have the most emotionally mature parents and I think it’s hard to talk about. I hope you’ll join me on this little adventure.

Letters of Healing – #1

Dear Grandma and Papa,

How are you doing? I know you guys are doing well. You’re together, and you’re not in pain anymore. You guys are not separate and are feeling the healing of that yourself.

It’s been a journey here without you guys. It got a bit scary for a while. Things got weird and frightening, but after four years, things are feeling familiar and more like usual. I didn’t think it could be possible, but I guess deep down I knew it could be, because you both found a new normal after losing your parents. I guess I felt guilty and strange letting my life go on without you for myself. It wasn’t what I wanted and I resisted healing for a season because I was in denial.

I found this composer, a fellow I think you with the proper introduction to his music, would be a person you guys would enjoy. He has the emotion and the beautiful storytelling in his music that I remember you both liking. His name is Joe Hisaishi. He composed the music for several films from a company called Studio Ghibli which I think you would prefer to Disney in this current moment. It took me a while to appreciate Hayao Miyazaki’s storytelling because it was so different from what the Disney formula is. The cultural parts, I think took the longest.

I know Japan was a bit of a mystery to you guys just based on your generation. You grew up with a different version – the Imperial Japan bombing of Pearl Harbor and the War in the Pacific were your first introduction as kids, growing up during WWII. It was a cultural relationship that did not have a chance to bloom.

My generation had a different introduction to their culture – sushi, ramen, Hello Kitty, anime, Studio Ghibli, Ninja Warrior, Harajuku fashion, and Nintendo. It was a different side of Japan. In college a professor you would know, Doyle, hosted a class about East Asian Film and Literature. It was quite the overview for one semester mind you, but in that short time he showed us some pieces of storytelling I still remember like Hero, Red Wall, and Princess Mononoke.

The last one, Princess Mononoke was a Ghibli film, my first one. The illustrations were incredible and the message felt so familar because of the region we all lived in – the rust belt. But what captured my admiration the most was the music. It was stirring, haunting, sad and hopeful, a courageous melody that swept over me in its beauty.

A few years later, Kyle and I watched My Neighbor Totoro which is such a heartwarming tale. This one set me on a new goal – I need to see Japan before I die so I can see those rural vistas captured in the illustrations of Totoro. I started learning Japanese since you’ve gone, which is a story for another time, but this probably sparked that journey.

This image from Totoro makes me think of the times we would go puddle jumping together, Papa, when I was a little kid. You made life so magical, both of you.

Anyways, there’s a song in particular, Grandma, that I think you would love. Actually I think you would love to play. The one recording of it on the album I was listening to has a piano solo by Hisaishi that has the same fervor and candence of the style you played in. I can close my eyes and pretend we’re in your piano room, you’re talking away as your playing it, and the room is filled the sound of the keys. This song is called the Merry-Go-Round of Life from the film Howl’s Moving Castle. (One I still need to watch.)

I wish I could play it for you. I wish I could play all of his songs for you. I wish we could listen to them on the boom box in the kitchen as Papa and I sat on the stools along the counter and tried to coax you, Grandma to just settle in and listen instead of tidying or cooking, or wandering around the way you used to.

I miss you. But I’m trying to not dwell on what I cannot change.

Love,

Magzie

I Was A PBS Kids Girl

What TV shows did you watch as a kid?

Wishbone

A Jack Russell Terrier that is one part family dog and one part incredible thespian. Wishbone is the most versatile performer jumping through classic literature as the hero of many classics like Robin Hood, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Romeo Montague, Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, Sherlock Holmes, Don Quixote, etc. It was my first introduction to these stories as a child and it made reading exciting. It also brought a smile to my face when in high school these stories came alive once again in class from my memories of these episodes.

Zoom

Zoom sparked my imagination for science, especially the online games from the Zoom section of PBS Kids. They did interesting experiments, and it was an educational variety show featuring skits, arts, letters, language lessons, and more. My favorite part of the website games was the ones that featured chemistry. They had a sandbox-style game with baking soda and vinegar ratios that propelled a rocket based on the ratio you mixed. Another one I enjoyed was the pH level game where you could tweak the acidity or base pH of a solution. This is how I remember why my Mom’s hydrangeas are blue, the soil has a higher base pH.

Mr. Rodgers’ Neighborhood

I’ve mentioned my love for Mr. Rodgers’ Neighborhood before in Fred Rodgers: The Call to Create and this show gives me all the feels. It was just so cozy and created a safe space for kids to exist where Fred ministered to kids through the TV screen. He helped me feel less scared of my big emotions and I will forever be grateful to him for wanting to bless kids through the show.

Zoboomafu

This show was my first encounter with lemurs, before Madagascar was made, there was Zoboomafu of Animal Junction and his zoologist friends the Kratt Brothers. As a child, I was fascinated by animals and this show was a wonderland of animals that were more than what you would learn about in a normal class or zoo trip. Such as the lemur, the binturong, the capybara, and the coati or coatimundi. Whenever I visit Keystone Safari or Living Treasures I feel like I’m transported back to those moments after school watching an episode of Zoboomafu.

Liberty’s Kids

This show may have helped me decide my major in college? It definitely sparked a love of history at an early age and helped me engage in American history class because, for the most part, I hated learning about American history in school except when we talked about the American Revolution and Early America.

I realize now it was because this was when there was most the opportunity to learn about Native nations that lived on the East Coast which I wanted to learn more about as I grew up in Pennsylvania and there were a lot of references to the Iroquois or Five Nations, and places like Aliquippa and Beaver and Mohawk were references to a culture we didn’t learn much about in school. I understand now that this was due to a genocide that is part of America’s formation and that’s why, culture and history were not allowed to be preserved.

What I liked most about Liberty’s Kids was the pacing and story style of the kids being reporters for Ben Franklin’s newspaper. I also liked that Moses, a freed former slave, ran the print shop and was a key character in the show. Moses and Henri were my favorite characters in the show. This show did not shy away from highlighting the hypocrisy of the founding fathers in their treatment of black and indigenous people and I think that is why the show is so good. It tells the story, the good and the bad.

Cyberchase

Christopher Lloyd as Hacker, the villain against Motherboard, and three kids who defeat him with math. It’s brilliant and Lloyd’s voice acting is spectacular. The world is imaginative and adventure-filled and sometimes there is even time travel back to the time of the pyramids or Archimedes. I have actually watched this again as an adult and while the subject matter is a bit elementary now, the show holds up and that’s not easy to do when you are making an educational kids cartoon about defeating a bad guy with math. It’s clever. Terms like motherboard and hacker were concepts in this show before computers became the backbone of modern life where the plot makes so much sense, why a hacker is a bad guy and motherboard would need to be protected and math is integral in code and binary language. Tis peak, my lord.

Sagwa: The Chinese Siamese Cat

Amy Tan’s children’s book ‘Sagwa: The Chinese Siamese’ cat was adapted to television and quickly became one of my favorite shows. It was my first introduction to Asian culture, Chinese culture particularly, and has been a lifelong love for me to want to know more about China and beyond like my K-pop and K-drama obsession and my current Korean and Japanese language learning quest. This show was such a delight. Sagwa and her family are calligraphers to the foolish magistrate, their paws, faces and tails are stained by ink from their calligraphy – how cute is that? This show along with Mulan has to be why I’ve had a dream, even pursued studying abroad in China although it fell through, my whole life to see China, and now Korea and Japan. It’s interesting how the stories we are introduced to as children can spark lifelong interests.

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