Christmas knitting is full swing and I am yet again behind! This happens every year to me. Oh well. But, this is one of my favorite seasons of the year and I wanted to share some tidbits that have made this year a little merrier.
This is the first Christmas in our house. It was special moment unboxing our decorations that have moved with us from apartment to apartment that can now be rested here. Some are heirloom pieces that lived a life long before I was born, such as the nativity my Grandma cast in the 1970s. Others are ornaments given by piano students.
The Christmas village was my mom’s and I remember putting it out in on the third floor, our little apartment within my grandparents’ house. I can’t believe the journey it has been on with me through my life. I am also excited to have a staircase to decorate with garland like my mom and Grandma have done each Christmas. It makes it feel like home.
The next thing that has filled this time with joy, has been the fresh paint of my sewing room. Kyle graciously primed the woodwork and painted this room while I was sick. It satisfyingly looks like the color scheme of my bedroom at my mom’s before an ice dam melted through my ceiling in 2015, destroying it. I’ve missed this mauve-lavender color. I took the opportunity to rest my Stray Kids, NCT, and Aespa posters. I like the minimalist cozy atmosphere this room radiates now with this simple makeover. It was a room I kinda hated before with its janky woodwork and boring walls. Now it looks complete!
We’ve been blessed with a little lake effect snow and it has been a marshmallow world. The views here become serene and open without the leaves. Some may see this as bleak but I love the transformation of snow and the peaceful slumber of the nature for the winter months. I hope we get more moments like this.
Lastly, we made some upgrades to our first floor before Thanksgiving. Our daybed’s framework broke. Instead of buying new furniture, Kyle set to work on designing a whole new base frame for the couch, complete with storage drawers! We also updated our front door with stained glass window film. Cheap? Yes, but, it allowed us to remove the broken blind that was an eyesore while maintaing privacy until we decide on a permanent solution for this door.
At 20 USD it was an affordable way to create character to a pretty ugly door. We’re making slow progress on updating the house, but as time goes by I realize, it’s part of the fun and changing everything all at once, if we had the money (which we don’t) would be pretty boring! Anyways, I hope wherever you are you have a lovely day and thanks for stopping by my little blog. Now, time to get back to Christmas knitting. I can’t wait to show you what I’m making! 😁
We were in Erie Apparel when my husband asked, what’s the story behind the shirts that say ‘World’s 3rd Best Sunsets’? The employee laughed and replied that a ranking system supposedly placed Presque Isle on the top of the list but couldn’t find the article to verify, so Erie decided to claim third. What a goofy and lovely idea. I’d have to say it is one of the best I’ve seen in person!
It was as good as any ocean sunset I’ve seen and I have watched them from Marco Island, FL, Tybee Island, GA, and Ireland’s Wild Atlantic Way, this was the best. I think the only one I’ve seen that compares is a random winter sunset I saw in Erie in 2019 (from a Wegman’s parking lot).
We got to Presque Isle right as the sun descended into the horizon. The wind was whipping up from a small storm and the lake had breakers that sounded like any I’ve heard on the Atlantic Ocean. Here are some shots from the beach and the sky with its fearsome clouds blowing in.
Kyle and I had never planned to go watch a sunset before and it was worth it. It was one of those stereotypical romantic things that I’ve tried to pretend I’m too cool for. I’m not and it’s worth it to go do the touristy, basic things. They are classics for a reason.
Have you been to Presque Isle? Have you seen the Great Lakes? What is your favorite sunset spot?
While I was on vacation up to Erie I received exciting news! I saw this blog has reached 100 subscribers! It made my day. I am so grateful to everyone who has subscribed. You guys are amazing! I appreciate every view, every visitor, every like. It’s given me purpose in a season of transition, helped me get back into writing, and drawing, and feel more comfortable sharing Potato Technology designs online. It has also been a rewarding way to connect with people worldwide which I find exciting.
I’m hoping in time to connect more, and maybe keep comments on my posts to get to know you more. I’m just shy and scared of getting hate comments when I want this to be a safe space. Maybe in 2025? I’ll keep trying to be brave.
I’m looking forward to sharing bits about my trip and some more sewing and knitting projects I’ve completed in September. September was a busy month! I think heading into October, I’ve needed a break. It was good to get away and refresh. I’ve been feeling a bit of writer’s block the past week so I took a small break from the blog too, hoping to have renewed my creativity!
Thank you, dear reader, for such an amazing milestone! I hope you have a wonderful day and that I see you around the blog again. There are many exciting things I have planned that I would love to share with you. I hope you know that you are loved and worthy just as you are.
I think the only thing bouncy here is me feeling like I’m bouncing off the walls of my creative box after setting a goal in 2024. This goal was to get serious about my sewing and knitting Instagram account, use the creator metric tools, and learn how to use my digital marketing background to create engagement.
The Focus
I wanted a lifestyle change, an actual commitment to taking this seriously and it has worked. Follower count is a garbage stat on Instagram as mine hops around like a binkying rabbit, but engagement, interactions, and reach have been insightful tools to see how this can grow and what I should be working towards.
Now that it is Q4, um, I am creatively burnt out. So many reels, so much video recording, so many moments having to stare at my own face and body because I am the model, and try not to get body dysmorphia or feel self-absorbed. Yikes it messes with the head. The way some pieces of content have huge runs of traffic and some fall flat must be what it feels like to find the crab and miss the crab on the same string of pots. It’s wild.
My Internal Monologue
I spend time tracking and comparing one piece of content against another one that performed better on a different day or was posted at the same hour, so why did it perform differently? Did I use the right tags? How do I capture the same magic in a new piece of content? Should I use a formula for my pictures or videos? Oh no! Am I one note? How do I mix it up? Was that the right song? Should I create more content with trendy sounds? Was it my hair? Is it because I haven’t painted my sewing room yet? If I paint it a color I like will it perform better or worse? Should I paint it a sad beige? No that’s insane.
I miss the days of making content that didn’t feature my face, or my designs, and was not solely based on my own deadlines. But I hated that job?! Why do I miss the days of launching that Employee App or writing for an internal corporate magazine that was employee propaganda? I think its the artistic blues mixed with the echo chamber of the algorithim. When I get stuck in the metrics and the trends, I’ve noticed I have blinders to the things that are going well. Instead of appreciating any person who takes the time to watch my reels or like my posts, I refuse to let myself feel happiness.
It’s really unhealthy. It’s killing my mindset and keeping me from feeling inspired to create or to write. I’m just bottling it all up because I’m embarrassed of how this is getting to me. I feel silly. And because I am building something, and don’t feel like I have something to show for it, even though I do because it is on the internet. But how else in 2024 can you reach people in our world of technological disruption to our sense of community? So its not silly. It is work and can lead to something.
Wake Up
It’s time I creatively refresh and slow down. I’ve accomplished my goal of making it a habit and learning how to grow engagement. It’s time to shift gears. It’s October and I’ve barely written a piece of fiction or poetry. My artistic practice has slowed, my sketchbook gathering dust. What about Japanese, Korean, and the language of the piano? So dusty.
How about my goal to knit socks? It’d be nice to try at least one before 2025.
So as October, November, and December stretch out to the horizon, I’m looking forward to finishing this year strong and with renewed purpose. This blog is for all my hobbies; unfortunately, sewing is my coping mechanism. And when that landlord said we had to buy or get out, I went into a full-on sewing spiral.
It’s been a fun time. I’ve sewn so much more than I’ve even had the time to share on Instagram or the blog. It’s starting to get lost, all those moments, with haste instead of being shared with patience and proper love.
So I’m going to start. This afternoon I sat down and learned how to play the beginning of Für Elise. Tomorrow I hope to write and to feel free to create slowly. To be intentional with my time and pull my mind back into writing and the things I want to write about in my heart. Maybe some yoga thrown in there too.
As I mentioned in The Rewards and Scars of Setting Healthy Boundaries, I am on a journey to let go of the cortisol and tension I have unknowingly stored in my body. I didn’t realize I was doing this, possibly for decades now, because I don’t feel my feelings I bury them, which I’m working on. The only time I think I wasn’t doing this was during my sophomore and junior years in college when I was doing yoga practice, deep breathing, and trying to get to know myself. Which sounds odd, but was a great way to get through a broken heart.
Emotional Unintelligence
The hows and whys of the broken heart are a bit complicated but I was muddling through the after-effects of a situation ship. Why a situation ship? Well, I believe I was doing anything and everything to feel something, because I buried the heartbreak I felt at the end of high school, realizing my dad had missed my entire childhood and turning 18 meant that child support, the only string connecting us was severed. I didn’t know where he was and if I would see him again. It turns out I did see him again and would be moving to the same town as him five years later, another story for another day. Life is wild.
Anyways, coming out of high school the weight of that broken heart was so much I didn’t know what to do with it. There was so much emotion, so much tension and confusion, in my mind and body that I didn’t understand so my brain freaked out and gave me my first taste of anxiety, depression, and panic. It was a lot. During this time I also lost my ability to cry. I went totally numb which was unnerving, but at the time I was happy at least I wasn’t overwhelmed by my emotions anymore. The downside was that I felt nothing.
I’m Chuck Bass
I didn’t like that. I’m a highly sensitive person, an artistic soul, and feeling is how I understand the world around me. I wanted to feel like myself again. Here’s where the mess began – I decided to go into dating in college in this incredibly unhealthy mindset. These casual relationships were doomed from the start. It couldn’t grow into something real because I wasn’t emotionally available. Which opened the door for the worst relationship type in my opinion the situationship. It was the exact opposite of what my personality needs or wants but hey, I couldn’t feel anything so how hurt could I get?
Blown Up Life
Yeah, this blew up in my face. Once I came out of this situationship and this time of emotional numbness, I realized that I had completely blown up my life. Close relationships that I had from high school were not there. I had not invested in good friendships and community in my college life either by not seeking it out or ditching out on friends who could have been healthy supportive people, because I was scared of these friendships. It was a mess. I was so lonely. I had to get to know myself because there was no one else. I also didn’t know myself anymore. Who was this numb person I had been? Who is this new person who feels, but also feels lost and lonely?
There was so much I needed to understand about myself before I could be a good friend again or try dating once more. I didn’t know where I was going, or who I wanted to be as an adult. There was so much change in a short time. It was time to pause, slow down, and spend time doing the work to find this new person within the closed-off shell.
Meeting A Healthier Me
During this time I became independent for the time. I started going to the coffee shop by myself and learned to be okay on my own, which was wild. This is a skill I’ve forgotten how to do. I let myself be alone with my thoughts, it was a rough road to get there. This time alone started with a season of insomnia, where there was no choice but to be by myself, and now I realize spent time alone with God even though I wasn’t focused on this at the time. I discovered new shows like Fruits Basket, Trigun, Firefly, and Vikings. I also began thinking seriously about what I wanted in life with this new scenario. I didn’t end up going to fashion school or doing the Fashion Business major I was supposed to create with my advisor. I found myself drawn to fashion history through the creative sandbox of one cool professor who gave us the freedom to explore our interests.
I also started doing yoga and learning to train my mind and my breathing to keep going when my body and mind were tangled up in knots from the stress and trauma of life. It was the first time I think I was doing exercise for exercise itself not for a job like paint crew or campus mail delivery for the mailroom, which were both pretty physical. My campus was old and full of hills and stairs, so many stairs.
2020s Version of Numb
As life goes on, things repeat. Life changed again and I got busy. I stopped practicing these healthy habits into post-grad and getting married which was dumb on my part. I got healthier but I don’t think I got wiser. So I find myself now relearning how to find healthy balance and healthy habits to rid myself of the tension and wild mind that has trapped me in a prison of my own making.
How do I find my way out? My plan is to reflect and discuss that process here as I go through this journey of self-discovery again because I think this is something we all face and I wish I had known more about emotional health when I was younger. There are a lot of things that kept that from being something I understood. We don’t always have the most emotionally mature parents and I think it’s hard to talk about. I hope you’ll join me on this little adventure.
How are you doing? I know you guys are doing well. You’re together, and you’re not in pain anymore. You guys are not separate and are feeling the healing of that yourself.
It’s been a journey here without you guys. It got a bit scary for a while. Things got weird and frightening, but after four years, things are feeling familiar and more like usual. I didn’t think it could be possible, but I guess deep down I knew it could be, because you both found a new normal after losing your parents. I guess I felt guilty and strange letting my life go on without you for myself. It wasn’t what I wanted and I resisted healing for a season because I was in denial.
I found this composer, a fellow I think you with the proper introduction to his music, would be a person you guys would enjoy. He has the emotion and the beautiful storytelling in his music that I remember you both liking. His name is Joe Hisaishi. He composed the music for several films from a company called Studio Ghibli which I think you would prefer to Disney in this current moment. It took me a while to appreciate Hayao Miyazaki’s storytelling because it was so different from what the Disney formula is. The cultural parts, I think took the longest.
I know Japan was a bit of a mystery to you guys just based on your generation. You grew up with a different version – the Imperial Japan bombing of Pearl Harbor and the War in the Pacific were your first introduction as kids, growing up during WWII. It was a cultural relationship that did not have a chance to bloom.
My generation had a different introduction to their culture – sushi, ramen, Hello Kitty, anime, Studio Ghibli, Ninja Warrior, Harajuku fashion, and Nintendo. It was a different side of Japan. In college a professor you would know, Doyle, hosted a class about East Asian Film and Literature. It was quite the overview for one semester mind you, but in that short time he showed us some pieces of storytelling I still remember like Hero, Red Wall, and Princess Mononoke.
The last one, Princess Mononoke was a Ghibli film, my first one. The illustrations were incredible and the message felt so familar because of the region we all lived in – the rust belt. But what captured my admiration the most was the music. It was stirring, haunting, sad and hopeful, a courageous melody that swept over me in its beauty.
A few years later, Kyle and I watched My Neighbor Totoro which is such a heartwarming tale. This one set me on a new goal – I need to see Japan before I die so I can see those rural vistas captured in the illustrations of Totoro. I started learning Japanese since you’ve gone, which is a story for another time, but this probably sparked that journey.
This image from Totoro makes me think of the times we would go puddle jumping together, Papa, when I was a little kid. You made life so magical, both of you.
Anyways, there’s a song in particular, Grandma, that I think you would love. Actually I think you would love to play. The one recording of it on the album I was listening to has a piano solo by Hisaishi that has the same fervor and candence of the style you played in. I can close my eyes and pretend we’re in your piano room, you’re talking away as your playing it, and the room is filled the sound of the keys. This song is called the Merry-Go-Round of Life from the film Howl’s Moving Castle. (One I still need to watch.)
I wish I could play it for you. I wish I could play all of his songs for you. I wish we could listen to them on the boom box in the kitchen as Papa and I sat on the stools along the counter and tried to coax you, Grandma to just settle in and listen instead of tidying or cooking, or wandering around the way you used to.
I miss you. But I’m trying to not dwell on what I cannot change.
A Jack Russell Terrier that is one part family dog and one part incredible thespian. Wishbone is the most versatile performer jumping through classic literature as the hero of many classics like Robin Hood, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Romeo Montague, Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, Sherlock Holmes, Don Quixote, etc. It was my first introduction to these stories as a child and it made reading exciting. It also brought a smile to my face when in high school these stories came alive once again in class from my memories of these episodes.
Zoom
Zoom sparked my imagination for science, especially the online games from the Zoom section of PBS Kids. They did interesting experiments, and it was an educational variety show featuring skits, arts, letters, language lessons, and more. My favorite part of the website games was the ones that featured chemistry. They had a sandbox-style game with baking soda and vinegar ratios that propelled a rocket based on the ratio you mixed. Another one I enjoyed was the pH level game where you could tweak the acidity or base pH of a solution. This is how I remember why my Mom’s hydrangeas are blue, the soil has a higher base pH.
Mr. Rodgers’ Neighborhood
I’ve mentioned my love for Mr. Rodgers’ Neighborhood before in Fred Rodgers: The Call to Create and this show gives me all the feels. It was just so cozy and created a safe space for kids to exist where Fred ministered to kids through the TV screen. He helped me feel less scared of my big emotions and I will forever be grateful to him for wanting to bless kids through the show.
Zoboomafu
This show was my first encounter with lemurs, before Madagascar was made, there was Zoboomafu of Animal Junction and his zoologist friends the Kratt Brothers. As a child, I was fascinated by animals and this show was a wonderland of animals that were more than what you would learn about in a normal class or zoo trip. Such as the lemur, the binturong, the capybara, and the coati or coatimundi. Whenever I visit Keystone Safari or Living Treasures I feel like I’m transported back to those moments after school watching an episode of Zoboomafu.
Liberty’s Kids
This show may have helped me decide my major in college? It definitely sparked a love of history at an early age and helped me engage in American history class because, for the most part, I hated learning about American history in school except when we talked about the American Revolution and Early America.
I realize now it was because this was when there was most the opportunity to learn about Native nations that lived on the East Coast which I wanted to learn more about as I grew up in Pennsylvania and there were a lot of references to the Iroquois or Five Nations, and places like Aliquippa and Beaver and Mohawk were references to a culture we didn’t learn much about in school. I understand now that this was due to a genocide that is part of America’s formation and that’s why, culture and history were not allowed to be preserved.
What I liked most about Liberty’s Kids was the pacing and story style of the kids being reporters for Ben Franklin’s newspaper. I also liked that Moses, a freed former slave, ran the print shop and was a key character in the show. Moses and Henri were my favorite characters in the show. This show did not shy away from highlighting the hypocrisy of the founding fathers in their treatment of black and indigenous people and I think that is why the show is so good. It tells the story, the good and the bad.
Cyberchase
Christopher Lloyd as Hacker, the villain against Motherboard, and three kids who defeat him with math. It’s brilliant and Lloyd’s voice acting is spectacular. The world is imaginative and adventure-filled and sometimes there is even time travel back to the time of the pyramids or Archimedes. I have actually watched this again as an adult and while the subject matter is a bit elementary now, the show holds up and that’s not easy to do when you are making an educational kids cartoon about defeating a bad guy with math. It’s clever. Terms like motherboard and hacker were concepts in this show before computers became the backbone of modern life where the plot makes so much sense, why a hacker is a bad guy and motherboard would need to be protected and math is integral in code and binary language. Tis peak, my lord.
Sagwa: The Chinese Siamese Cat
Amy Tan’s children’s book ‘Sagwa: The Chinese Siamese’ cat was adapted to television and quickly became one of my favorite shows. It was my first introduction to Asian culture, Chinese culture particularly, and has been a lifelong love for me to want to know more about China and beyond like my K-pop and K-drama obsession and my current Korean and Japanese language learning quest. This show was such a delight. Sagwa and her family are calligraphers to the foolish magistrate, their paws, faces and tails are stained by ink from their calligraphy – how cute is that? This show along with Mulan has to be why I’ve had a dream, even pursued studying abroad in China although it fell through, my whole life to see China, and now Korea and Japan. It’s interesting how the stories we are introduced to as children can spark lifelong interests.
This July has been the first time I’ve recognized that feeling of time passing. The year is halfway over, what do I want to do with these last six months to finish the year strong?
In May, I felt like my life was done, as I knew it. Like a video game, I was done, out of hearts, out of health, game over. June felt like an exciting adventure and a respawn of my little game character in a new environment but the same life. It was thrilling and overwhelming at times, there was so much to catch up on and so much to do to begin our life in our house. July however has been this month of my brain feeling like it is in hyperspeed. Now that I have a new space to create, I also have new creative energy. That two-month break spent packing, moving, and waiting, was like a creative refresh and since then July has been a sprint.
I think some of this wild energy has been all the excitement of this month as part of the STAY fandom, this has truly been a one-of-a-kind comeback, but also I’ve been seeking distraction. My mom is walking through a health condition that came out of nowhere and in a matter of a few weeks she went from my companion packing boxes to being unable to do much physical activity without her body sending off alarm bells. I’ve never seen her like this before, and if I stop to think about it too much, I freak out.
I’ve turned my attention to what the second half of the year could bring. There have been so many wonderful things on the horizon, my friend’s wedding, my sister-in-law’s new place, Kyle’s new woodshop, the possibility of adopting a rabbit from E.A.R.S, Shakerwoods, the Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival, apple picking, Pumpkinville, etc. I’ve begun planning Christmas presents for loved ones, trying to be more ambitious than ever to push myself to learn something new in the process. I’ve also been feeling the itch to actually sell my pieces. I think it’s time, I just have to figure out where and how.
As I was thinking about this post this scene from Miss Congeniality popped into my head because I feel like what I am about to write sounds a bit like Rhode Island and that’s okay because it gives me a good laugh.
There is this amazing breeze today, fresh, clean, not humid air that I haven’t felt in over a month, and yet on these days I feel like I’m in a portal of memory. One of my favorite things about living in Pennsylvania and a climate with four seasons is that the weather changes. Quite often actually. We get cold fronts that scream across Ohio and things change in a few hours and I love it. Especially in the height of summer, when I’m burnt out on the bright sun, humidity, and heat waves. We get one of those cold fronts, like we did yesterday and the humidity clears, the sky changes and the leaves turn over and instead of storming it looks like fall.
It feels like fall in the middle of July! Instead of dangerous storms, we get gentle rain. The clouds in their kaleidoscope gray and purple changes the light to that spooky vibe of a cozy Halloween movie. It refreshes me.
It brings me back to some of my favorite summer memories. Such as the feeling of being 17 at my summer job at Geneva College on their Paint Crew, after a stretch of painting in muggy, non-air-conditioned dorms, when finally a storm breaks through and the cold front brings this melodic rain and I watch it from inside Memorial Hall. The lighting is so spooky, it’s hard to see what I’m cutting in but I feel alive in the cool breeze. I can’t wait to walk home in the rain!
The breeze coming through the windows of my home today reminded me of the sweetness of the summer air that I used to smell at my friend Cailee’s house as a kid. They always had the windows open in the summer. As I walked into my bedroom to grab a pair of socks, I could swear I was on the second-floor landing about the help Cailee clean her room again before she got grounded. Four Harry Potter books were strewn across the floor, the first movie had just come out. Like magic, I’m 8 years old again.
What’s your ideal calendar date? Is there a certain moment from summer or a change in the weather that transports back to childhood?
One Rabbit Riot 