Learning To Walk Away From Arguments

What is one way you have grown this year?

When someone is attacking your character, threatening pillars of security like your house, your cars, your bank account, for their own revenge, and is inciting derision in your relationship, how do you stay calm? I’ve been wrestling in these thoughts for the last month as a very unexpected thing happened that threw us for a major loop. I’ve been slow to write for this reason, because I felt so angry and bitter. All is good now though, in spite of the stress and the anger at the perpetrator of this stupid drama, but it begs the question, what does one do with these emotions?

When someone is attacking me, it’s a real struggle not to fight back and defend myself, or respond from a place of past pain and fire back with more gusto than the other person in an attempt to shut the argument down. But does that actually work? A younger me thought it did, but then younger me got the butt kicking of a lifetime by my uncle, who took a declaration of frustration at him and him alone, and manipulated it into a full on family fracture to hurt someone I love very much, my mom.

Lesson number two came from another family member, on a different side of my family, who doesn’t stop arguing. It doesn’t matter what the situation is, this person won’t stop nagging, or pushing their agenda. They refuse to take responsibility for their choices. They are the final boss of arguing, and it has taught me that fighting with this person in any way is futile. It doesn’t matter how wrong they are, they will not concede and so arguing, although it may feel good in the moment, for the temporary release of the emotional pressure valve, is dumb. There is nothing fruitful in addressing the problem with them, because they are denial of what the problem is really about. It’s terrible.

This has a paradoxical shift in my mind. Addressing the problem and dealing with it, is what I believed the healthy purpose of arguing was based in, but life is not that simple or noble. People are far more complicated and broken for that simple notion to be true. Learning to not engage, and walk away, even when someone is hurting you with their words, is the only way through sometimes. And it is incredibly difficult to master. It’s something you usually don’t learn until you are faced with impossible people. In the moment, you feel like the weight of their words outweighs what you know to be true. It feels like giving into manipulation, but it is not about surrendering at all. It is about preserving what is left of the relationship and moving on.

It is the art of learning not to argue. In both examples, my uncle and this other family member, created a stressful environment for me that left one option left. I have to walk away and not defend myself. I have to leave the argument behind. It is not weakness but instead a firm boundary rooted in the promise of a better tomorrow. It is taking the space to breathe and realize this relationship meant more to you than it did to them, and letting them go to fester in their own creation of chaos. You want better for them, but you can’t change them, or control them.

I have not mastered this, not even close. And to be fair, I have had many one sided arguments in my head. Their has been tears and lots of ranting. But not trying to explain myself or defend myself has helped me understand that their minds are already made up, and peaceful co-existence not being possible, is a them problem. I can’t want it more than them, I just have to let that part of our relationship evaporate into the sunshine. I have to focus on protecting my mental health by releasing the stress and hurt in healthy ways, like laughing, exercise, and quality time with family and friends that value the relationship with you, and want the best for you.

In time, walking away from arguments will get easier, I hope. This has been one of the most difficult lessons I have learned, in life. With both of these people, being members of the church, it has been a rough one for my faith. There is such hypocrisy in these relationships, and they both claim the high ground.

Leaving these relationships unsettled and broken feels like a failure, as we are supposed to live in harmony with each other, including other believers. Why doesn’t this bother them, like it bothers me? It makes me feel like a bad Christian. But that is probably another argument I need to just walk away from too.

Do you ever feel this way? Have you mastered the art of walking away from arguments? What helped you develop this skill?

June 18, 2026

Only Going to the Coasts or National Parks

What are the biggest mistakes people make when visiting your country?

Before I dive in, I’d like to acknowledge that the United States is a very big place, and it’s not easy to see all 50 states. Most Americans haven’t done that, nor do many of us have the opportunity to visit all the National Parks in our lifetime. There is a lot to explore, but that’s also why I am sharing this, because getting off the beaten path of travel vloggers and notable cities could be the key to making one-of-a-kind memories for yourself as a traveler. I want you to get the most bang for your buck and make some great memories! My hope is to emulate Geography King’s spectacular regional guides, which have helped me learn more about my own country and inspired me to want to explore new destinations.

The Big Two Cities

Now, this could just be the travel vloggers I have been served up on YouTube, or potentially James May being singularly focused on Southern California and New York City as the defining regions of America, but it can create tunnel vision. These destinations, I would say, are highly influential on a world scale, but as defining all of the United States, they are just one topping on the pizza. One character in the film. The rest of the United States is different from these microcosms.

We have a lot of cities to see, each with their own unique flavor. Chicago has amazing views of Lake Michigan, deep-dish pizza, and kayaking in downtown. Cincinnati offers a rich German heritage and skyline chili. Portland is a donut capital and uniquely charming, with stores and hotels unlike anywhere else. Boston has history, walkability, and seafood. Austin has barbecue, music, dance halls, and more. Savannah is a low-country gem, with historic charm and a complex history that holds important lessons from the past.

Many Regions with Endless Variety

The contiguous US has many regions: the Pacific Northwest, the Southwest, the Mid-Atlantic, the Rust Belt, the Midwest, Big Sky Country, the Southeast, the Deep South, Appalachia, the Rocky Mountains, and the Northeast. These regional distinctions are a great foot-in-the-door to research places completely unknown. For example, the Southeast and Deep South are known for their swamps, but did you know the Mid-Atlantic, specifically Virginia, Maryland, and Delaware, have swampy-marshy low country too? Along with great beaches and seafood, due to their proximity to the Chesapeake Bay! For another example, did you know that natural hot springs are found in central California, Idaho, and also Arkansas and Alaska? What about sand dunes? We have big dunes in North Carolina, Indiana, and New Mexico. There are tons of options for whatever you are looking to explore!

Tour by Food

I believe food is one of the best ways to explore the US. Food tells the story of the people, particularly immigrants, by which the US has been shaped. But did you know, we owe a great deal of our food heritage to black culture and the seeds carried here, by African people who were kidnapped and brought here as slaves? They cultivated the plants and created the dishes, that have become mainstays of Southern cuisine and Soul Food.

Indigenous nations, long before North America was colonized, developed a rich food history that has survived genocide and cultural erosion. Without their contributions food staples such as beans, corn, squash, salmon, venison, etc would not be part of our culinary knowledge.

Thirdly, the contribution of Mexican cuisine is incredibly important to understanding the food landscape of the United States. Without Mexican culture, we do not have tacos, burritos, avocados, tortillas, chiles, salsas, mole, tres leches, agave, etc. Mexican food deserves respect.

In addition, exploring the United States through barbecue, pizza, hotdogs, sandwiches, beer, and hamburgers is a great way to learn about regional lore. Take for example Carolina style barbecue, Detroit style pizza, the Po’boy, the Wisconsin butter burger, Dogfish Head’s Punkin’ Ale, or the Primanti’s sandwich. Go check them out!

Our Third Coast and Great Lakes

What is the Third Coast? It’s the coastline along the Gulf of Mexico that stretches across Eastern Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Western Florida. The Great Lakes sit to the North, along our border with Canada, and comprise five freshwater lakes. Moving from west to east, they are Lake Superior, Lake Huron, Lake Michigan, Lake Erie, and Lake Ontario. These regions are generally more affordable, less traveled, and offer stunning scenery, seafood, gorgeous beaches, swimming, and sunsets.

We are more than FL, TX, CA, CO, UT

Sure Disney World in Orlando is fun, Texas has Buc-ee’s, California has the redwoods, Colorado the mountains, and Utah has Moab and Zion. These are the big states for tourism, and they are booming, but don’t let FOMO and trends define your travels. These all very pricey, very crowded, except for Texas. Texas is just turned into the charicature, and this can drown out the real culture, for the kitschy cowboy vibes. Just like Montana and Wyoming, are more than just the Yellowstone of streaming. Looking beyond these popular destinations can break your trip out of the hive mind of the post social media landscape.

West Virginia and Kentucky

Don’t sleep on these two stunners. Along with Alabama and Mississippi, West Virginia and Kentucky are the butt of many jokes, even though the people are lovely, the scenery is picturesque, and these communities have been extracted to within an inch of their lives for coal that made a lot of people rich in other states, while making them very poor. Look beyond the hardships and the rough exteriors to see the good hiding underneath. Hiking, cave exploring, bourbon tasting, rafting, pepperoni rolls, and waterfalls are just a few things you can explore.

National Parks and Western Scenery Bias

Because of social media, I believe there is an intense focus on visiting National Parks. The views are incredible, the hiking is pinable, the content is effortless, I get it. These still exist at State Parks, without the extra fees. Trump recently added a fee of 100 USD, per person, for international travelers who visit the 11 most popular parks. Or you can pay 250 USD for a pass, but I think it’s wrong to paywall natural beauty that cannot be owned. NPS staff are also short staffed due to Trump’s DOGE fiasco, so this is plea to give these places a break while we sort out this mess for you and for all of us. Plus then, you don’t have to buy the 250th anniversary pass, with his ugly mug on it.

Take Yourself Out to the Ballgame

Why not go to a baseball game while your here? With 30 professional teams and 120 minor league affiliated teams, there are endless opportunities to take in a baseball game. MLB stadiums boast impressive view of their cities, with great snacks, affordable tickets, and a lovely day outside.

I Beg of You, Skip This City and This State

Please, do not go to Washington D.C. right now. The White House looks like a pile of rubble because of the ballroom build, and the UFC arena being built on the White House lawn. Go another time, when this is all a distant memory. Please skip Hawaii too out of solidarity to the local people of Hawaii, who have been priced out of their homeland by the rich and the land developers. Hawaii was colonized by force for military strategic position, over time Hawaiian culture has been diminished by forced assimilation into white cultural norms, and now overtourism is hurting Hawaiians once again. Let’s give Hawaii a break.

Kindness Still Exists

My final point is to not throw away the United States just because evil is being done by those in power right now. The majority of my fellow citizens are outraged and fighting to stop ICE, the War in Iran, Data Centers, and corruption. There are still good people here, who will welcome you with open arms regardless of where you are from, what you look like, or who you love. You are welcome here. Please come visit and let us share this beautiful scenery with you!

June 11, 2026

Hammock with a View

It’s not my best work, but a try to add depth to my art. I’ve been watching the Joy of Painting with Bob Ross, so I challenged myself to draw without sketching before hand.

This scene is purely from my imagination.

First, I drew the ocean scene, then the doorway and walls. I accidentally marked the page, so I added a sleeping dog to cover the mistake. Next the floor, a rug, and a fan, inspired by the fan in front of me (in real life). Finally a hammock edge, like you are lying in it, staring out to the ocean beyond.

May 30, 2026 0

A Carrot Named Lila Lu Sang

A purple carrot. At first it reminded me of Purple Heinz Ketchup from childhood. (Anyone else remember that?) But really, this purple carrot is more natural, and normal, than our uniform orange varieties. Before we domesticated carrots into monotony there were vivid, rainbows of carrot. I’m glad we never lost these to time.

May 28, 2026 0

Ground Cherry Pie

The first in a new series called, Drawing the Seed Catalogs. We obviously have a lot of seed catalogs kicking around, what better way to put them to use? And the best part? Being able to find muses to draw without using my phone. 😁

May 26, 2026 0

Mia Portrait

A quick sketch of our rabbit, Mia, a harlequin rabbit. We think she looks like a latte, Mia Latte. 🩷

May 14, 2026 2

Dead Tree, Full of Life

There is this dead tree in our backyard. It’s stood since we bought the house in it’s deceased way, waiting for us to chop it down. We tried, and never came back to finish the job.

It’s grown mushrooms. Helped squirrels reach the nearby tree tops. I hope a few bats have used it as a place to relax.

Here I depict an other worldly version of this tree, full of life, draped in spring blooms.

May 12, 2026 0

If I Love Fashion History, Do I Have to Like the Met Gala?

The more popular and well-covered the Met Gala is online, the more controversial it becomes. This once New York Society event has transformed into an international spectacle that feels more like the Oscars or the Olympics than a fundraiser for a museum’s costume archive. That is the origin of the Met Gala, a dinner to raise money for the Costume Institute, to pay for the day-to-day operations and expansion of the collection displayed at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. The spectacle and theme, red carpet coverage, constant intertwining with rich, questionable people, and the baked-in elitism of making Anna Wintour’s guest list have become the bigger story of this so-called “fundraiser.”

Now, I am being a bit dramatic in questioning its fundraising; it is successful at its core function. For a deeper dive, I suggest checking out Abby Cox’s video about the history of the Met Gala. I believe they have raised enough to create an entire wing for the museum. The hefty price tag per plate or per table is usually not the attendees’ responsibility to cover, as the attendees are usually there to represent a brand or company. What I have seen as the biggest defense for the Met Gala is this system of big brands, donating money to the arts, that they would otherwise pocket or invest in questionable things, such as political donations to Trump or AI technology. But is that enough to make this event palatable? The Met Gala was sponsored by Lauren and Jeff Bezos, which alone made this year’s gala controversial. The justification once again is that his money is better spent on the arts than on something else, like another Melania movie. Such as comparing this sponsorship to the investments by Carnegie, Frick, and Morgan in the arts during the Gilded Age to improve their public opinion.

I have mixed thoughts on this, as a believer in the preservation of the arts, but also a kid who grew up in the Pittsburgh area and was surrounded by Carnegie libraries, museums, etc. Are these nice to have? Yes. Does it make up for the pollution, labor practices, and wealth hoarding by these industrialists that were so greedy they did not care if they were evil, but instead chose to buy their way into good public standing? No. My Grandma died of COPD, from the level of pollution she was exposed to as a kid in the 1940s. The Atlantic Monthly, in 1868, called the city of Pittsburgh, “hell with the lid taken off.” Soot from the Steel factories coated everything. The number of heart conditions in my family, and later autoimmune conditions, has been shocking, until you consider the effect of pollution. Similarly, the number of people from my home region with Cancer has been downright terrifying. You still can’t eat the fish from the rivers or ponds.

But forget that, right? Let’s have a ball, and display our wealth to all the people around the world who will never experience this kind of luxury. We have to preserve the arts and fashion history! Yeah…honestly, when you consider how much human suffering is essential to this kind of wealth, that these systems depend on most people going without human rights and dignity so that they can wear their custom haute couture to donate millions to a single museum, it’s disgusting to me. And I love fashion.

History is great, sometimes, but more often than not, it is a tragic collection of stories of inequality, suffering, war, destruction, and a few that benefit greatly from the oppression of others. You don’t have to dig far into the history of my country to see how true this is. I mean, each day this Iran War drags on, add another footnote to the list of wrongs. I would rather preserve cultures than general historical collections that focus on white, Eurocentric clothing on white Eurocentric mannequins. The bulk of the vast Costume Institute’s collection, the biggest in the world, is mostly Western clothing with a few token exceptions, displayed on mostly small, white mannequins. The Met has enough resources and clout to do better. The fashion industry is not interested in doing better, though. They are one of the biggest polluting industries in the world, and have knit together their brand empires with sweatshops in the global south. I guess my point is, I think we all know enough about Western fashion and luxury fashion. More than I think we need to know. Who is preserving the fashion history of the places and people who make the clothes, and whose lives are being wasted away sewing day in and day out to feed their family a meager portion, while these brands spend hundreds of thousands of dollars at the Met Gala? If they have enough to blow money on this event, it is despicable that they choose to not pay their workers properly, and give them vacation time, health care, maternity/paternity leave, etc.

The most difficult part of this conversation, for most of us, is the Amazon of it all. I shop on Amazon, most of us do. Sometimes it literally is the only option, and I know it is not a good company, and I am not proud of supporting it. It makes me feel like a big hypocrite. Because with Amazon, you don’t have to leave the US to see how bad they treat their employees. It’s out in the open, and hyper-consumerism and lack of other options make the bad behavior of Amazon seem beyond reproach due to how entrenched the company is in our world. I do think the Met Gala is an offensive flaunting of wealth that we, normal people, should stop worshipping because it’s pretty and is “art.” I do think the “Eat the Rich” protests are valid, and I think a lot of us feel stuck because we feel like hypocrites. After all, the system seems rigged right now for billionaire domination, and sometimes the only or cheaper option is supporting these businesses, like Amazon.

I like fashion history, but I don’t like the Met Gala. I don’t like Bezos or how he does business, and I do have an Amazon package arriving today. Just as much of life is complex, this subject is so layered, and I hope I made sense in this post.

May 7, 2026

NMIXX Fe:304 Forward Inspired Knitwear

Nmixx is a relatively new K-pop band, debuting in 2022 under the label JYP Entertainment. Comprised of six members – Lily, Haewon, Bae, Sullyoon, Jiwoo, and Kyujin, they are young but immensely talented. Nmixx had a rocky start, similar to Stray Kids, who share the same label, being panned as noisy and chaotic. As time passed, Nmixx developed its sound to a polished mix-pop with killer vocals. In 2026, they are finally getting the respect they deserve, and I am thrilled to see it!

They first came on my radar in 2023, thanks to their song ‘Love Me Like This’, but I didn’t become a fan, or NSWER as their fandom is called, until 2024 with their Fe304 album series.

Fe304: BREAK released in January 2024, with songs such as Dash, Run for Roses, and Soñar to help me get through the chaos of moving. Fe304: STICK OUT, released in August 2024, was the soundtrack of our trip up to Erie. Fe304: FORWARD hit just as we broke ground on the garden in 2025, and this album, some days, carried me through running that tiller in the mud and stubborn grass shag. From High Horse to Slingshot, this album changed something in me, lifting Nmixx to my favorite girl group (sorry, Aespa). Nmixx scratches a creative chaos in my mind that fills me with joy.

Bring a fan, I thought it would be cool to get some merch, which became quite difficult in 2025. With Nmixx being in their third year, there was a lack of offerings in the US, and those pesky tariffs from the head idiot in charge. So, I decided to get creative like I did with my Cosmic Tank.

Nmixx’s lore is based on water imagery; there is a whale on their lightstick, sea creatures, boats, and a water drop font. The font was my jumping off point. I went to Michael’s and picked up water-inspired colors – a cool purple, deep blue, and a variegated blue and white to mimic light dancing on the ocean. Three songs from the album Fe304:Forward caught my attention – Ocean, High Horse, and Know About Me, which features the girls going on an under-the-sea journey on this boat spaceship. The color palette of the album is similar to the colors I chose to knit with. I knew that for the color work, I wanted to evoke waves, incorporate ocean imagery, and feature the water drop font.

I chose to freehand a chart for the font using graph paper and an image I pulled from the internet from Nmixx promotional posts. The waves were more, see what I felt as I knit, the seahorse came from pure Pinterest roulette. The original chart was a cross-stitch seahorse that I adapted to knitting, on graph paper, later adding a stamp border to help the floats stay anchored. No pun intended. This was my first project using three colors at a time, and wow, it was brutal. On the front, I wanted the blues to create highlights and shadows, like a water drop would have. This led to some crazy tension issues and wild floats on the back.

Another issue I ran into was scale, particularly with the font. To achieve the bubbly curves, I made my scale rather large, stretching across two pieces of graph paper, and maybe this is just inexperience, or possibly I made my chart too complex, but I noticed myself ad-libbing stitches instead of following the chart due to all the mistakes I made. It turned out just fine, but it was not executed exactly how I wanted it to be. I’m pleased with the waves on the bottom and how they wrap around the tank. The back, I am lukewarm towards. I like the placement of the seahorse, for “High Horse” and the stamp for the journey they embark on, but the racer back is a little messy, since I was freehanding this pattern. But hey, the only way to get better is to practice.

Compared to my Red Velvet project, I felt confident that I could execute something to bring me joy and capture the spirit of the Fe304: Forward album. I love how this piece is one of a kind. No one else has this t-shirt or artwork, it’s a nerdy piece of knitwear for my special interest – kpop. ☺️

With this being my third merch project, I’m excited to see what speaks to me next. I’ve considered a Stray Kids Karma project and an Aespa Armageddon logo etched into a sweater. That one is going to be a big project, the logo is so intricate that when I attempted to sketch the chart last year, it was spread across four sheets pf graph paper. Maybe an Ateez project? Who knows. I do know that making your own art, and combining it with something you are passionate about, is a fantastic experience. Your passion becomes this physical object you can show off, and hopefully, bring a little sunshine to the world around you.

April 28, 2026

Drawing Pets as ACNH Villagers

Remember last year when I said I was going to create art consistently, starting with a study of Van Gogh? Oh good, me either. 😅 But in all seriousness, I am committed to making art this year. I miss it. These are three pet portraits I did of Midnight, Sully, and Mia, a few weeks ago in oil pastel.

I was inspired by Rachel Maksy to do this and spark a bit more joy in my life – and it did more than that! It helped me process grief too. I lost Midnight, over 15 years ago and Sully, just last August. Picturing them, hanging with my villager character, on this imaginary ACNH island, is a comforting little story.

For Midnight, I was inspired by Mira, for her spunky personality and fearlessness. I decided to change Midnight’s outfit to a clover dress from game, since loved clover the most of any treats!

Although Sully was Yorkie-Bichon mix, the dog and wolf characters are draw quite differently than what he looked like. Gonzo the koala in a perfectly Sully-looking sweater was just the ticket to capture Sully’s teddy bear essence.

Finally Mia was easy to pinpoint, Dottie looks like a Dutch rabbit which is similar to Mia’s harlequin color pattern. Since Mia loves baseball, dressing her in a baseball jersey seemed right.