Tag: life

Drawing Pets as ACNH Villagers

Remember last year when I said I was going to create art consistently, starting with a study of Van Gogh? Oh good, me either. 😅 But in all seriousness, I am committed to making art this year. I miss it. These are three pet portraits I did of Midnight, Sully, and Mia, a few weeks ago in oil pastel.

I was inspired by Rachel Maksy to do this and spark a bit more joy in my life – and it did more than that! It helped me process grief too. I lost Midnight, over 15 years ago and Sully, just last August. Picturing them, hanging with my villager character, on this imaginary ACNH island, is a comforting little story.

For Midnight, I was inspired by Mira, for her spunky personality and fearlessness. I decided to change Midnight’s outfit to a clover dress from game, since loved clover the most of any treats!

Although Sully was Yorkie-Bichon mix, the dog and wolf characters are draw quite differently than what he looked like. Gonzo the koala in a perfectly Sully-looking sweater was just the ticket to capture Sully’s teddy bear essence.

Finally Mia was easy to pinpoint, Dottie looks like a Dutch rabbit which is similar to Mia’s harlequin color pattern. Since Mia loves baseball, dressing her in a baseball jersey seemed right.

I hope this brings you a little joy today. Wherever you are I hope you know you are special and deserving of love.

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Pivot! An Important Sewing Skill

Okay, as a millennial, I can’t hear the word pivot without thinking of this scene from Friends. But, silliness aside, Ross was correct; you have to pivot and pivot well. The longer I sew, the more agitated I get when I make foolish cutting or measuring mistakes in my garments. Like my shortalls from last year, I tried them on over the weekend because it is feeling warm and springlike here, and I was shocked by how poorly I fit the shorts. The top portion of the shorts fits excellently, but not the shorts. No one wants weird bunching when it comes to shorts, and that was exactly the problem!

At first, I went through the stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance that no matter how delusional I chose to be, these shortalls are uncomfortable. I would not wear them. This made me feel so many regrets. The pink overalls I drafted completely from scratch, using a special fabric featuring corgis and bread from a Japanese fabric brand called Kokka Fabric, sourced from my local fabric shop, Firecracker Fabrics. The second pair was cobbled together as a challenge of fabric and repurposing. The fabric was 1 yard of 59″ cotton twill from Mood Fabrics, and the pockets were sourced from a pair of shorts in my closet. I refused to scrap these. But what could I do to fix these? With all the patterns at play, adding in a new fabric sounded scary. Cutting these into bags or future quilting projects was throwing in the towel too soon for me.

My solution came to me one night, as I was washing my face; I didn’t have to make a drastic change. I had to address the problem – the way I cut the curve of the pants. I could remove the section that divided the fabric into legs, and transform the shortalls into pinafore dresses with a few cuts and stitches! It was a success! The shorts are now a skirt, by cutting away the curved line and sewing a straight seam on the back and front of the skirt. I also made a quick swap to the back bib of the brown floral pair, adjusting the square bib to the triangle shape of the pink ones. This adjusted the fit of the dress in an excellent way. The purpose of the triangle, I believe, from the fit change on my garment is to eliminate gapping between your shirt and the back bib, so the fit follows the line of your body.

Now, sewing is not the only place to pivot, obviously. Problem-solving is a fundamental part of the creative process. Projects rarely work out the way you want, from knitting to cooking to building a piece of furniture. In this fast fashion, consume and donate, culture poisoning my country’s culture, we are losing the art of problem-solving. This has been exacerbated by the rise of AI and ChatGPT. Why think at all? Why imagine, ponder, or research? Why try if you aren’t going to get “expert” results? That is what the rise of optimization culture is creating: the fear of trying. But you have to try to become an expert. AI is not an expert; it is a thief, stealing the knowledge of humans who have spent years and decades striving to know, unafraid to try and fail. It’s literally the scientific method. So if you are an impressionable person, who is growing up in this current era, don’t give up your creative ability for AI to do it for you. You will lose crucial thinking and creative skills if you don’t exercise your mind and problem-solve on your own. Just do it.

#81 – Ten is My Magnum Opus

Commitment is scary. It feels like a box that closes around you. My mind wanders to all the negative possibilities. Will I become stagnant? Will I fail? Will I regret this? Commitment is not a bad thing, though; it is a fundamental to our relationships, to building character, and completing goals. Finishing any project, big or small, such as painting a wall or completing a degree, requires commitment. Being there for a friend. Adopting a pet. Planting a garden. Buying a house. Getting married.

The last one fills us as humans, living in the 21st century, with the most trepidation. I think because of how obligatory marriage can become in our human cultures. What is a Jane Austen novel without commentary on the role of marriage in 19th-century England? Women can see it as a burden, a life goal, or a way to survive. It is complex for all people – he, she, they to enter into a legally binding commitment built on the hope that this love we are choosing to pursue until we die, will not fail and consume us both.

As I have mentioned before, my parents got divorced when I was little. It was finalized when I was two, actually, so beyond a PTSD memory that is hard to dwell on, I don’t remember life before my parents divorced. My memory and examples of marriage in my life come from my grandparents and my mom, who married my wonderful stepdad (more like true dad) when I was 16. Without these two positive examples, I’m not certain marriage would have happened for me. It’s hard to understand, unless you experienced it, but living in the aftermath of your parents’ failed marriage shapes your opinion of marriage from a young age.

You are the living proof of failure, and are looked on with pity and dismay from many church people and people in your community. You are the weirdo. People want to “help” experience the normalcy of two parents, as if there is something wrong with the family that you have. I had three parents instead of two, and it felt normal to me. I learned about love, of all kinds – storage and agape, aka “affection” and “unconditional love.”

I think these loves are even more important to grasp as an impressionable youth than fixating on the hope of romantic love someday, because what brings you through marriage is all four loves – charity, agape, philia (friendship), and eros (romantic). Because marriage is built on vows, and keeping those vows is wonderfully challenging some days, but keeping them and not giving up has led to this exciting milestone – our tenth anniversary!

Growing up, knowing that marriage can and will fail for a lot of people, no matter how much you fight for it, scared the crap out of me, staring down the aisle. I didn’t want to fail, like a destiny I couldn’t shake. My parents’ divorce was not a curse to inherit, nor was it Kyle’s to inherit from his parents’ divorce, yet succeeding felt like the highest mountain I would ever climb, and honestly, I do feel that way today. So many things have changed in my life in the past ten years – jobs, friends, locations, family, pets – it’s been a roller coaster, and yet, here we are. We didn’t let the bad times get the best of us – the economy, the pandemic, job loss, grief, and hubris – we figured out how to navigate the things that scared us without ripping the seams to tatters.

What I thought would be the way through this would be never approaching that line, but life actually pushes you to the brink quite often. I think we, as humans, focus so much on perfection that we forget that even when you let your spouse down, you can dust yourself off and recalibrate. Even your worst moments don’t have to break you. Holding on to the highest highs, the wins, is important too. It’s a journey that you walk with your spouse towards the goal. It’s a sanctification process that will break you down with certainty, but I feel refined by the wisdom and the struggle, and the wins.

The bottom may come as close as you can imagine to dropping out, but your fears are not a prophecy for your life. Good things are not there to slip away from you; they are the victories. And so this exciting anniversary feels like a victory over all the voices in my head telling me to give up when things got hard, and to not enjoy the good moments in case something bad would happen. Yeah, good and bad have happened, and will continue to happen, but what Kyle and I are building, this commitment to be there for each other for every step of the journey, is a balm to the soul in these uncertain times. So I encourage you, in these heavy days, to plant your garden.

This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce… Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” 

Jeremiah 29: 4-5, 7 NIV

Maybe Fiction Isn’t the Best Way to Express the Art?

With a new year comes new goals, like should I get organized and make this the year I return to writing as my full-time focus? I’ve been mulling over this for the past six months. I started watching more book-focused media and picked up physical books again, all in the quest to jump back into fiction writing after a one-time try in 2017 – also known as Udal Cuain. It was the ultimate escape during a time when every part of my life was falling apart, and we were struggling. My family was struggling; it was isolating, but instead, I crafted a world that I could escape into. I couldn’t afford therapy, so I wrote about what was on my mind. And it helped. It felt like a high I had never experienced before, but then it stopped helping. Life got a lot more complicated, but also better, more on track, and I walked away from it. Then I lost the draft for 6 years until I found it last January.

Life has been messy again, and the world feels like it is literally on fire, and I can feel the pull to want a coping mechanism.

This is where our story begins.

As I share often on this blog, I have become a sewist and fiber artist. I began this journey to a career pivot after a layoff in 2020, and it has become my whole world, particularly knitting and crochet. I find the more I dive into the craft of yarn, the more I feel creative release and the ability to tell stories with my stitches. You can even protest with it. I have been a visual artist my whole life, the frequency depending on how many notebooks, pencils, or paints I have access to. It is my first love. So where does writing fit in?

I was always a writer who enjoyed essays. I like writing about something, researching the subject, and I adore historical research. I enjoyed poetry in school, but my affection for literature came much later. Mainly by force, if you want to take AP English, you must read this many books over the summer. I’m still not the most passionate reader, I definitely take breaks between reading sprints, and sometimes I won’t pick up a book for months, because my hands are always busy with a project. This has put my desire to write another novel, a more polished one, in conflict with my life and potentially my calling.

This week, I sat down to brainstorm another round of novel ideas. This is my third or fourth round of this since 2023. Every time, I think of some good options, narrow my list down, start plotting, and hit a wall. My heart is not in it. I don’t see the characters or care to take my time to meet them. I want to get on with it and then analyze the deeper meaning. The other thing that happens regularly is that I freeze, and I think about how the world has changed since 2017 – mainly BookTok.

I don’t read Romantasy, I’m not going to write spice because that’s not my interest. Don’t look to me for trauma or disturbing plot lines; I don’t want to write that. I am white, cis, and straight, so will I offend by not having representation? I also don’t have the proper experience to offer diverse representation. I don’t know what I have to say in a book, like in a bigger picture – I don’t know what the deeper meaning is that I am looking to point to that I couldn’t just write about in an essay or create with visual or fiber art. This is where the title should start making sense. I don’t think worldbuilding and dialogue are my paint and canvas, and I don’t think we spend enough time considering where our gifts are best suited right now because of social media content.

We are so concerned with getting our work plugged into the algorithm, jumping on trends, cross-posting, and getting successful that we aren’t considering if the medium is best for our art. We are trying to fit in, and that’s killing creativity and the editing eye to know that’s not for me. I feel like it is obvious now, since reflecting on why I have writer’s block, but taking the time to look objectively feels so hard to do when we are fighting the AI monster. But it is okay to specialize. It is okay to find your niche and not appeal to everyone. It is better to work within your wheelhouse and say something authentically you and express it in a medium that feels true to yourself than worry about keeping up with others.

Maybe the best thing we can do as creative people is edit and focus on where we feel the most alive. I feel the most alive planning a personal knitting project that features motifs that represent my life and my loves. I love blogging and talking about serious things, not in literary techniques but in societal critique. I spent the day today, sketching and drafting pet portraits, and I am the most relaxed I have been in months. It’s the same high I felt writing Udal Cuain. I didn’t feel that way while brainstorming a novel. I felt nervous. So I don’t think it’s for me anymore.

Have you ever fallen into this trap? How did you find your way out? Thanks for spending time with me today. Until next time. Stay safe out there and know you are loved.

Emotional Endurance, No Cap

What do you do when you need a break, but you can’t? I’ve been wrestling with this for months. It’s been a tricky thing to discuss on here, and without feeling ready to write without revealing too much, I have been spinning on it, to quote NMIXX.

Any time I feel overwhelmed, I take that space. But what if you can’t? Like what if the thing that is weighing on you is as interwoven in your life as a single thread in the warp and weft of your jeans? It’s a tricky one that I don’t think anyone has taught me; it’s just kinda hanging there. We struggle alone, because we are human.

Relationship University

I’ve been thinking alone, pondering my frustrations, my overwhelm, my weariness for a break because I am a neurodivergent, deep-feeling, overthinker. It does not come easy to me to pause, to force my mind to stop and breathe. It’s something I wish we had learned in school. Any of the schooling – elementary, high school, or college? How wonderful would it be to learn about emotional intelligence and algebra? Traumatic stress coping mechanisms and world history? What about grammar and proper communication tools to de-escalate a tense argument? Literally would be life-changing. Meditation with a side of physical education? We mostly played soccer(football) because it was cheap, and it was monotonous. Both Kyle and I would feel less we are drowning in the complications of personal struggles if we had an education in relationships.

We did the brief marriage counseling, sure, which I guess prepares you for marriage? I think getting through the first year is truly what teaches you the most. (We are a few months away from celebrating ten, so we do have some experience.) We also had the years of friendship experiences, some previous dating experiences, and the lifelong knowledge of being part of families – but they don’t prepare you for the stress that comes with multiple, personal struggles that you and your spouse sometimes have to tackle all at the same time, meanwhile life keeps moving forward, and you feel like a hamster in a wheel.

Burnt Out, Like Toast In Obsidian Crumbs

What I felt the most since these stressful situations began to weigh on Kyle and me was the desire to hit pause and process what I was feeling while the world held still. You know? Just a moment, where you could feel without the expectation to be who you are and do the things others depend on you for. Even the little things, you depend on yourself to do. Of course, that feeling grows to a desire to stop the world for days, and escape to a zone where the stressful things can’t bother you. A yearning for the before and a hunger for the after, this is all resolved and back to normal. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the big emotions of personal things that you forget to have fun together. You forget to just be yourself. It’s a bizarre version of your life that doesn’t feel familiar, and I think after months of feeling like this, 2025 ended with me feeling chewed up and angry.

So why do we pretend like this is a normal state of being a responsible adult? Like if I hadn’t decided to stop drinking alcohol in 2021, this season would have been months of riding out a buzz, ignoring my problems, and choosing unhealthy coping mechanisms. Subbing in a source of temporary joy, depending on a thing or a feeling to get you through, is avoiding the inevitable mess that upset you in the first place. But I think this is the box we put ourselves in as adults, to stop from appearing weak or vulnerable. Substitute a drink for a shopping haul, sports betting, s*x, doom scrolling – what I’m talking about is far more common than we admit. So why do I feel so alone in this feeling?

It is still my present burden to bear, Kyle’s present burden to bear. Contrary to the calendar, your problems on Dec 31 are still there when you wake up on Jan 1. Doesn’t that suck? I felt myself wishing more than ever at the end of 2025 that the “fresh start” effect was real. Because life requires emotional endurance with no cap. That is quite difficult for us humans to do. It requires patience, hope, faith, self-control, gentleness, and love. We grow weary, we hide our struggles like they are something to be ashamed of, instead of a common part of life. We are odd creatures. That’s why I decided to share this, because I don’t think we discuss this enough, and I plan to talk about it more.

Marriage is hard, in more ways than I could even comprehend, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible. As we are both kids of divorce, we stubbornly refuse to address the stress that is negatively affecting our relationship because to do so feels like we are already failing, but that’s not true. So I’m writing this for you, the one who feels the weight of their parents’ divorce on all of their relationships, like a curse you are inevitably going to repeat. It’s not true. Keep going and stop bracing for the bottom to drop out, like I waste time waiting for. We are survivors, and we are going to make it through the mess.

New Habits to End 2025

First off, Happy New Year! Thank you to anyone and everyone who took the time to check out our work in 2025. You are a blessing to us!

It’s been a much better end to the year, from where we wandered in 2025. I swear this year was mentally, more taxing than others. I never knew marriage could be this difficult. Or being a daughter. There were some big moments, behind the scenes where I felt like my life as I know was as stable as an earthquake and I couldn’t tell anyone.

I’ve gotten better at sitting with my problems by myself. That is one thing, I am finding comfort in again. Being by myself, without a bunch of screens to make me feel like I am being “social” when I am not.

Habit #1

Since Thanksgiving Day, I have been limiting my time on social media. I have a timer set to a few minutes for Instagram, most days. I have done this successfully now for 5 weeks. At first it was a but tought to keep it at zero, so I cushioned myself to 15 mins. By Christmas week, I didn’t feel any pull to open the app. The only connection I do feel to my account is a few online friends I have met, who without Instagram, are disconnected from my life. Therefore I am keeping my account, but I am detoxing my addiction. With a record of two weeks without posting.

Habit #2

In December I started challenging myself to do pushups again. They started with knee pushups and have risen to a record of 20 real pushups in a set. My goal moving into 2026, is to do these consistently throughout the week and be more fit, along with the other exercises I do – rebounding, wall pilates, and yoga. More consistency.

Habit #3

Books. I am watching less Youtube when I knit and reading more. I listen to audiobooks through Libby and read while working on other days. So far I have completed four books, which sounds pathetic, but I had not been reading at all for years. I would read a book or two per year since we moved to our current town. I missed the previous city’s library and the mental wellness to focus. But this summer, we joined a local to us library and restoked my desire to be bookish again.

Final Thoughts

Unintentionally, I already started my “resolutions” and it feels great. It shows me that maybe finishing a year on a good note is about setting yourself up with good habits before the “fresh start” and if you are feeling a bit off going into 2026, maybe get off of socials too? Except for wordpress, truly a great group of people on here. 💖

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What If Game of Wool Celebrated Design and Craftsmanship?

sheep in a field

If you missed it, I made a Game of Wool Bingo card for episodes 1-3, because in my opinion, this show should not be taken seriously. I’ve given up watching, interacting with recaps, etc. I’m not going to watch beyond episode 3, and that is because hate-watching is validation in the attention economy of 2025. That got me thinking, what do I wish Game of Wool was instead of what it is? Game of Wool, just like Project Runway, I have notes!

No Kits or Internet Dressing Projects

I don’t want any themed-making kits sold per episode. They have been doing this for the episodes I have watched, each week partnering with a big yarn company, honestly making kits that serve no purpose other than a cash grab. I also don’t want to watch weekly episodes with challenges that create useless items. Useless from a practical and technical standpoint.

  • Crochet and knit swimwear is dumb. You can’t wear it other than for a photo shoot, which places it in the “internet dressing” category. It’s for a photo. It’s not even practical for a music festival. But it does resemble a “Coachella” look.
  • A crochet deck chair had potential, but it was not used within the materials provided or the time frame.
  • A dog sweater with a required hat is not kind or practical for dogs. The sweater is comfortable, but the hat is not comfortable for the dog. Again, it is for a photo. Washability was not discussed either.
  • The mohair sweater was the only challenge that was the closest to being a useful challenge, for design teamwork and wearability, but they ruined it with the ridiculous time frame.
  • A couch cover is useless, because I have thought about constructing one for my own couch to stash bust, but it’s just not practical for anything other than a showpiece. Which is how they judged it, so a lot of wool was wasted to make a big, useless swath of fabric.
  • The fair isle vest misrepresented a heritage craft of the region they were filming in. Why not just film a historical film set in the Renaissance, and put the actresses in Victorian corsets without a chemise, tight-laced? Same level of idiocy to be flashy!

This Game of Wool presents everything that late-stage capitalism is in relation to crafting and hobbies, thanks to greed, social media, and the attention economy. The British farmers could use the income; how about sourcing locally? What about sustainability and slow fashion? Yeah, 12-hour challenges do not represent anything but hustle culture. Girl boss, slay!

How Would I Fix It?

  • Real experts, not these two ladies.
  • Either all amateurs or all expert contestants. Pick a lane. Either be the Bake-Off or be Project Runway and offer a CFDA mentorship kind of prize.
  • Bring in a real mentor to help in the wool barn.
  • Take them on field trips to see wool being processed, dyed, and spun. Same with flax for linen.
  • Tell the story of why textiles matter and why fair trade for the animals, farmers, and ethical standards matter.
  • Explain why local matters for the economy and the ecology of the region.
  • Teach the history of cottage industries.
  • Teach the history of how knitting has changed the world, such as the development of textile machinery and the creation of the binary code. Essentially, fill in the gap of what Sci Show failed to do.
  • Set real challenges that teach, showcase the skill of the fiber artists, and show innovation.
  • Do a challenge that involves unravelling sweaters for yarn and teach the world about this amazing, sustainable possibility.
  • Task the fiber artists to design patterns, and explore what goes into design and proper pattern writing, because it is a technical skill.
  • Make things that will be auctioned off for charity.
  • Bring in people as guest judges who will bring professional connections and opportunities for the fiber artists.
  • Set realistic deadlines, and slow down the pace of the show. Follow a timeline like Mind of a Chef that explores moments of cooking over an entire season.
  • Let the makers make, unencumbered by the pace of the internet. Take note from Bernadette Banner and other makers out there that celebrate true craftsmanship and sustainability in the heyday of microplastics.

I’m tired of this show discounting a skill that has been tossed aside as a Grandma hobby since the Industrial Revolution. In these weird and wacky times, slow fashion and an appreciation of craftsmanship are in short supply in the media. This show had such potential! But they are truly chasing the money over integrity.

#78 – Can You Feel Optimism in 2025?

This is a bit of a follow-up to my discussion of cultural boredom from earlier this year, a little update to my creative slump, and exciting developments for my hunt to replace my reliable crafting supplies. The world still feels like it is on fire, but I think I am learning how to thrive again. It takes me a long time to process things, so maybe that’s why?

Spaghetti and Gnarly

Le Sserafim released a song that captures the wonderfully nonsensical world of a good K-pop song. Spaghetti is catchy, silly, and makes me crave spaghetti, so that’s what I am cooking tonight. It is what I remember the music videos of K-pop to look like when I took the plunge in 2022. It was fun, and in the last few years, it has lost some of its luster with darker concepts, instead of cute, and a bit uninspired. Although I’m fully into K-pop, it has been repetitive and bland for most of 2025. Except for my favorites – Stray Kids and Nmixx. Enter Gnarly by Katseye. A song that is so jarring it’s bad but also amazing, it’s been a weird one for me, the thesis of this year, it has felt like. “Everything is gnarly.” A phrase that has carried me through bizarre headlines and life’s bumpy road this year. For me, Gnarly was going to be the song that typified what I remember feeling in 2025, until Bleep by Stray Kids dropped in August. But now, I hope I will remember moments that feel like the upbeat wonder of Spaghetti. What about Golden? I desperately need to compile notes for K-pop Demon Hunters because that has been such a gift.

Big Twist at Michaels

Big Twist is back at Michaels, for real, and it’s kind of silly to admit this, but it feels comforting. There’s a Joann Knit and Sew Shop section in the store, and like, maybe it was a bad dream? I mean, all the crafting drama definitely happened this year between private equity, tariffs, and Sci Show declaring the arrival of physicists to help the knitters. The familiarity was maybe all my neurodivergent mind needed to just relax a bit? Now the fabric is not good, but it could get better in time. I’m choosing to be hopeful, I mean, the recent US election showed a strong rejection of the Trump Administration, so as people have said all year, if it can get worse, it can get better. And for me, who hates change with a passion, I’ve learned that if it disappears, it can come back. I just need to work on my patience. I have found a second local yarn store in my own state, and a great local fabric shop. I’d say I’m pleased to the point that I am not missing Joann like I thought I would.

Stitches for Identity

I believe I am finally moving out of the depressed forest that is being laid off due to personal and global trauma. I’ve been listening to Kitchen and Jorn’s Losing Followers Podcast, where they have been talking through the post-Buzzfeed time of their careers. I was in a toxic job at Great Dane Trailers in the late 2010s, and it was freeing yet terrifying to lose that job. Listening to Jen and Kristin talk through the transition of leaving a job that demanded all of them, to be free from that monster, but also lose all connection to the project they built from the ground up, has been a balm to me. When I was laid off, I lost my app and my content calendar, my magazine contribution. I was wrecked, and I didn’t know how to process that for years. I felt like a loser. I dove into crafting, and for years, those stitches of thread and yarn gave me meaning.

The blog, though, and finally this year uploading my manuscript to this website this year connected me back to what makes me feel like me. I have always been drawn to writing, and not having that or a way to work towards something bigger than just sharing my creations on social media was gnarly. But this blog and your community have helped me find my way back. I mean, heck, Udal Cuain and my original blog, where I shared chapters, was the portfolio that landed me the corporate job. Although it’s gone, what I learned and experienced stayed with me and has made me grow into who I am now. This has been a full circle.

It’s been freeing to admit to myself and loved ones that I was depressed by that career loss. Starting over again has been confusing, but it’s not all figured out yet. There is still time to find a new place where I belong. I’m in the process of recalibrating, and that is a direction in itself. I feel freed from the weight of “monetizing my hobby” and the impossible summit of creating a small business as someone who truly is not cut out for the accounting or marketing parts.

Unmasking and Coping for the First Time

Truly, though, as I reflect on this year, getting serious about health – mental, physical, and emotional – for the first time has contributed to the feeling of optimism I have leaving 2025 that I did not have entering 2025. I have healthier boundaries in relationships, more honesty about how I’m doing, and whether I am feeling overstimulated. I recently got into rebounding, aka a fancy term for jumping on a miniature trampoline for cardio. Wow, I like this for my mind! It resets me, and it’s helping me get stronger. I used to feel ashamed of who I am. I didn’t understand why I felt so different, nor did I know how to communicate burnout without pushing friends and loved ones away. Being unmasked was tumultuous for the first couple of months, but now I never want to put that neurotypical mask back on.

How has 2025 changed you? I think it has made me unapologetically empathetic. Bolder to say I disagree with wrong because the stakes have been higher than ever in my lifetime. I hope to carry that forward into 2026, because I think the opposite of late-stage capitalism is community, so let’s burn it down with empathy. Thank you, dear reader, for spending time with me today. I wish you love and kindness.

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It’s Okay to Admit You Don’t Like It

A place I didn’t expect to reach this year, was the mental head space of dislike for a dream I’ve had for most of my life. Now could it be burnout and I just need a break? Probably. But I also think it might a healthy thing to acknowledge something you thought you would love, may not actually bring you joy as you wished.

What am I talking about? Sewing. I don’t like sewing as much as I want to. It is tedious, extremely complicated, and requires a level of patience I lack. I’ve been a sewist for 5 years now. I devoted a large amount of my time over the past five years to the study of garment construction, and I realized that it is not my medium, yarn is, and its not a failure to admit I don’t like sewing as much as knitting and crochet.

I think I have known this for about a year, yet refused to verbalize my feeling because it felt like I failed the one thing I always wanted to do. But why is that a failure?

Just because it’s not my passion, doesn’t mean I am going to stop sewing. I think having this space to put less pressure on it to be “my thing” could make me enjoy it more!

Because then I am free to create, to fail, to be a slow learner, to take breaks from sewing when I am ready to cry. I don’t have to feel pressured to get my skills up to par for selling my work. I don’t have to feel pressure to design my own patterns or build a business on sewing. I can go back to basics of what has always been at my core – art. I am an artist, I don’t set out to be, but I know its there inside me too afraid to commit to the bit.

I love what sewing brings me. It’s a fantastic skill to have. I can design my own clothing made to measure and that is luxurious even if my sewing skills are mid.

I can experiement with my style through upcycling. I love how I can recycle and repurpose fabric instead of donating. That is a important part of comsumption. We buy and buy but don’t think about the life cycle of the garment, but with needle and thread you can leave the buy and declutter cycle.

Sewing has taught me to be a wiser comsumer as well. I buy garments that I can’t sew. Complex garments. I also price compare fabric against pieces in store to figure out what is more cost effective to sew. Such as buying a 6.99/yard, one yard cut of cotton jersey to make one long sleeve basic tee. You can buy these from retailers for 35 USD compared to sewing one for 7 USD.

It’s not always cheaper, but sometimes it is and that is a huge win!

Finally, by allowing myself to feel these feelings, my hope is that I will be free to explore and create unencombered by goals of monetizing my hobby, instead that I enjoy the creative process again.

Have you ever tried sewing? Did you find it challenging?

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Planning the Final Makes of 2025

It’s that time of year when the holidays kick in, motivating me to dream of all that I can make before Christmas. But this year I am doing this a little differently.

Stitch/Life Balance

I started working and planning earlier. I usually think about what I want to make around Thanksgiving, a month or less before Christmas which is an impossible deadline. Last year I made a temperature basket and pushed to finish it in three weeks, it was tedious and down right miserable.

Create Better

I had better out comes with smaller projects, like mittens for my mom. This year I am also using distinct inspirations, so the projects are easier to execute well.

Started Earlier

I started my Christmas planning in August and began work in September, a first for me. I am debating on whether to gift a fully completed sweater or keep it, it was made without a clear goal and is a cozy crochet cardigan. If I choose to gift it then, I actually started in July which is the ideal timeline for me. I would like to start making as early as possible next year.

Holding Projects for January

I have made one Halloween project, but other than that I have been focused on making for other people this fall and it feels great. No stress.

There are several projects in my mind, but I am holding them for later. January feels like this depressing months of “after” all the excitement of the holidays. This usually includes a lapse of creativity too. I tend to push myself to make all my winter stuff in fall. To be honest, it’s dumb.

It can frost as late as June where I live, and snow in earlier May. It is cold for at least the first quarter of the year so why limit my timeline?

I am hoping this new creative strategy will lead to better makes and a happier maker.

Soul Crushing Dread

I am struggling this week to not feel down. The Federal Government shutdown and Pennsylvania Government shutdown is causing havoc for a lot of people. SNAP benefits are being paused Nov 1, so is a program in Pennsylvania which helps people pay for heating costs. You can see the blood of the RSF genocide in Sudan from space. ICE is being spotted more in my state. Every thing is gnarly, to quote Katseye. There are some personal things being worked through behind the scenes, that can drag me down, and I just feel sad. My heart is heavy. I would like evil to disappear. As corny as it sounds, I’d like world peace for Christmas.

I hope you are doing well, and know that you are loved. Hang in there. I am struggling as a sensitive person in these overstimulating times.

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