Tag: inspire

So, What Do You Do?

What’s something you believe everyone should know.

I believe that everyone should know that your worth is not defined by the career you currently do or do not have.

I wrote an essay on this subject during my post-grad meandering and I believe in this sentiment even more in the eight years since.

Growing up I didn’t realize how blessed the people in my life were because they had steady jobs at the same company. My mom worked for a civil engineering firm and then switched jobs to work at her alma mater when I was five so that she would be commuting less. My Papa had steady employment as a chemistry teacher, a defensive coordinator, a dean of students, and an athletic director. My Grandma had a well-established piano lesson business and worked a 40 to 50 hour schedule of teaching from home. Their careers were not their entire personalities but I associated them as a child with these occupations, I dreamed of being as successful as them, never thinking that a recession or slow job market was possible, I was a kid. It made sense to me that if you worked hard, developed skills, or got a degree that work would find you.

It was quite troubling to me when I put the work in and found myself failing to launch my career at 22. Two years of applying, interviewing, and finding nothing to show for it in my decaying Rust Belt region was a bit hit to my confidence, my ego, and my identity. I would dread social gatherings and new acquaintanceships because of that one lingering question. That dark cumulus nimbus hanging over all interactions – so, what do you do?

A lot of things! I wanted to reply, but any answer other than what my job title was would receive looks of disapproval like I was being immature. As a kid, adults seemed to celebrate things that you are interested in but as an adult myself, they looked at me like I wasn’t trying hard enough. That I was lazy, that I was failing. Falling behind. Nothing going for me. The conversation would either stop there or there would be more questions to get at the root of why I wasn’t where they were at 22 with a job, a house, a spouse, a kid, etc. Once I got married a little pressure came off, but then I was just a wife and unless I hinted at a due date or a new job, the same puzzled looks appeared.

Now this opened my eyes to how poorly we communicate and how shallow our relationships have become in North American society. It’s not dissimilar to how the question of “How’s it going?” or “How are you?” should only be answered with one reply – “Doing well.” or “I’m fine.” Because no one really wants to know, it’s just a greeting. A passing ship. If you answer the question with depth, that’s weird or too personal.

But we don’t have to stay in this place. I believe with each interaction we can change this on a personal level, and it starts by knowing that you are more than what you do. You are not defined by your career or your bank account, that is not where we gain our worth because we are humans and not stock portfolios!

Yellow Tree in the Snow | November 2023

Just like that the season has changed. On Halloween night, big fluffy flakes appeared on our door step. Frosting the fallen orange leaves with a marshmallow wrapping of snow. It was magical, snow globe-esque.

As morning dawned the fall livelry was swapped for a dazzling white coating my little world in snowflake robes. It was crunchy beneath my shoe, squeaky even.

From the gloomy shades of autumn and their spooky splendor to the bright, starkness of winter in one night. A remnant of autumn hangings on in the trees beyond my street. The lovely yellow leaves I saw through my window. A bright, hopeful contrast from the pine, the branch, and the white. This was my inspiration.

Do you enjoy snow?

#38- Kanji, Milkshakes, and Tokyo Highway

It’s been a while since I did a proper catch-up blog post, months actually. I should probably stick to a content calendar, anyhoo, hello! How have you been? I’ve been busy, but it has been a good busy. I made a big push to get most of my winter and fall wardrobe sewing for Kyle and myself completed in September and October. I have made headway in my knitting projects, having the basic items I needed either ready to wear or near ready to wear. I’ve been sketching and planning out artistic endeavors for the rest of the year, and where I would like to go next year. I see myself painting on canvas on the horizon.

This flurry of activity has been a good thing for my social life. I’ve been spending time with my mom, like I used to, which is insanely good for both of us. When our relationship is out of whack, our mental health plummets. I don’t feel a dark cloud over me which I am incredibly grateful for. It’s an answer to prayer.

Because we’ve been hanging out in person, she’s been taking me to places back near my hometown that I’ve missed. Including The Milkshake Factory which sells dairy-free milkshakes! This is not the usual thing where I live. Since I discovered I could not consume dairy or beef anymore, going out with family and friends has been tricky. I don’t have the same capacity anymore to eat wherever and explore new restaurants. I didn’t realize how much of a toll this would take on my mom and I’s relationship until I couldn’t go out and eat anywhere or drink anything. Constantly needing to know the ingredients and the possibility of cross-contamination takes the fun right out of trying new dishes. For a few years, our relationship was pretty mundane and we were at a loss of how to spend time with each other because the way we bonded had to change. Going to The Milkshake Factory brought a piece of that puzzle back to our relationship, and it was wicked tasty. Seriously, I began to question if it would make me sick it was so good.

But, my mom has learned to adjust and be willing to explore things that I can do. Like going with Kyle and I to Hobby Express because Kyle and I wanted to look at car models and board games. I was really proud of her for going with us and actually getting into the store. She loves puzzles and trains and has a joyful appreciation for clever hobbies. After a while, she was exploring the store on her own and getting into it. It was a great trip with some new board games and models to show for it. I found two new board games on sale – Ticket to Ride Poland and Tokyo Highway which is a game I’d never heard of before but have absolutely grown to love it.

It’s a straightforward game, you build highways with sticks and columns, and for every road that crosses your opponents’, you get to place a car. Each turn you either go up a level or down. With a 3-4 player you add buildings as obstacles to the board and the game is different each time you play like Carcassonne and Settlers of Catan. The part that truly endeared me though is the tweezers that come with the game, they are ESSENTIAL as the game progresses. If you knock over your opponent’s road, you must fix it and surrender the amount of materials you knocked over from your stock to your opponent as a penalty. I highly recommend it if you like tabletop games. The best part is that it was created by a Japanese company and a Japanese game designer. My history nerd heart skipped a beat when there was a history of the Tokyo Highway system included with the game instructions. Now only if you received a Kei car if you win, that would be the dream.

Speaking of Japanese, I’ve been slacking on my lessons and seriously need to get them in gear if I want to finish my first lesson book by the end of 2023. To get back in the swing of things, I’ve made Katakana and Hiragana flashcards to make myself practice. I also started learning Kanji yesterday and wow, I love it. The pictorial nature has me sold on how amazing it is. I’d so much rather write longer sentences with Hiragana, Katakana, and Kanji than this Roman character alphabet. Japanese just flows compared to my culture’s writing system. I get hand cramps while taking notes in my lesson book because of how much more effort writing in English takes compared to the sections where I practice writing in Japanese. Have you had this experience of learning a new language? I didn’t expect to prefer Japanese to English, but I do.

I hope wherever you are that you are having a wonderful day and that you will remember that you are special, and deserving of love, and I appreciate you. Until next time ❤

Following Fashion Week With New Excitement

This past fashion month (September) I actually was paying attention, something I haven’t done since college. I even watched clips from the shows, something I used to stream between classes at the library. So what made take a break? And what brought me back?

Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar, W, ANTM, and Project Runway

There’s no denying that in the 2000s fashion magazines were king. There was no TikTok, nor were there social media influencers or Instagram baddies. It was a time of slower trend cycles, compared to the cycle we have seen so far in the 2020s. (I’m talking about you, micro trends.) At the time, as a kid and then a teenager who dreamed of being in the fashion world one day there were a few ways to get acquainted – America’s Next Top Model, Project Runway, and fashion magazines.

America’s Next Top Model was my first foray into this world, with the second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth seasons being particularly formative. In the third season, they went to Tokyo and introduced my mind to Japanese street fashion. The sixth season featured a finalist from my hometown. I practiced the poses, the smize, and my model walk with dreams of getting to Bryant Park either as a model or a designer. It wasn’t until I realized you needed to be 5’8″ or taller to be a runway model that I began to pivot to designing as my full-time dream, like Melanie in Sweet Home Alabama. I had been sketching since I was 10 when my friends and I decided to make our own fashion magazine. I was in charge of sketching collections and I’ve never stopped since. 🙂

In middle school I found Project Runway and was hooked on the design aspect of the fashion world, that’s when I knew I wanted to become a designer, and I wouldn’t be happy until I found a way to do it. With this newfound fascination with becoming a fashion designer instead of a high fashion model, I learned from Tim Gunn how important it is to understand the history of fashion, and from Michael Kors and Nina Garcia, I took note that I should understand the industry at large to plan how to make my mark in this world. That’s when I began seeking fashion magazines. My aunt gifted me a subscription to W magazine for Christmas and my mom gifted me subscriptions to Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar. She even took me to Barnes and Noble to track down French and Italian Vogue. Together my Mom and I became students of fashion. It was a blast.

Fashion in the 2010s

Social media and politics have taken fashion magazines on a weird bender, in my opinion, and by the mid-to-late 2010s, I was on a much tighter budget, with underwhelmed expectations for these once beacons of fashion. Social media through the platforms of Instagram, YouTube, and Pinterest were far more fashion-forward in my opinion by this point, and the best part was they were free. And so I swapped my magazines for social media pins, posts, and clips. From 2015 to 2019, I found fashion quite dull and overrun by minimalism and athleisure. With thrifting gaining popularity, searching through clothes that already existed to create fashion called to me more than the glossy pages of Vogue. It was such a weird swap, that at times made me feel confused. I always loved fashion, but the high fashion runways became boring to me during this time period, and I began to question the point of it all. And so I opted out.

I still learned about fashion through deep dives into fashion history but this was far from the runways I used to fawn over. At this time, Vogue seemed far behind the trends, but they still do, to be honest. Social media opened a world that wasn’t curated by fashion people, instead, it is the fashion of people.

Global Ambassadors and Kpop

Then I met K-pop which was a new way into fashion, an electric explosion of ideas fresher than my fashion magazines of old. With each comeback, performance, and music video slaying with a lot more fun than the Met Gala in my opinion. But there was this old ghost hanging in the background. Global Ambassadorships. When I began to listen to Blackpink it was quite evident that they were connected to the fashion world. With Jennie Kim working with Chanel, Rose with Saint Laurent, Lisa with Celine, and Jisoo with Dior. It was in the lyrics, the music videos, the posts. Everywhere. I paid attention a little, but not much.

Then I noticed Hong Joong from Ateez attending Balmain shows. Okay, my interest was piqued.

But the ultimate tipping point came this summer when Hyunjin was named an ambassador for Versace, a few weeks later Felix was given the same honor by Louis Vuitton. It was hinted that Lee Know was going to be at Milan Fashion Week for the Gucci show, unfortunately, a car accident occurred days before the show and both he and Hyunjin were unable to attend. Thankfully they are okay.

The ultimate tipping point for me to give in and watch Paris Fashion Week again was when I.N. was invited to attend Alexander McQueen’s show – and sit in the front row. Is this the dream collab for me? YES! Alexander McQueen is my all-time favorite designer. And so like me ten years ago, I watched the runway. I watched the McQueen show and clips of the Louis Vuitton show, of which Felix was front row. Who knew K-pop boy band ambassador appointments would reunite me with the world of high fashion. Life is a funny thing.

So what do I think of the runway since taking a 10-year break? I think my love of luxury fashion and fashion week has become refined. Instead of wanting to consume all of it, I now find myself enjoying specific designs and aesthetics. Maybe it’s maturity or maybe it is because I am working on my sewing and design sensibilities for myself. The clothing really has to speak to me for me to see them as high fashion now. Luxury no longer equates high fashion to me. Street style has just as much impact to me and I would rather consult Steal the Spotlight and Pinterest’s offerings than the runways exclusively. I can’t stop seeing the business side of fashion magazines and runways now. Some of these items, are blah and played out yet they get their face time simply because they have a label attached and that is stuffy to me now.

Will I check out the shows next year? Yes. Surprisingly, it still has a magic feeling about it. I love the spectacle. And maybe one day, I will be closer to the dream of showing my own collection.

Jack-O-Lantern Lounge Pants

One of my favorite memories from childhood is carving pumpkins into jack-o-lanterns with my Papa. Together we would plan out our pumpkin design, and like the pals we were, we would set to work! Papa would carefully place the gourd on newspaper and we would ponder the sides, choosing the perfect canvas upon which to carve. Then with Mom and Grandma in toe, we would gather around the kitchen table to begin our masterpiece. The very same table I sit at now as I write this.

The kitchen table with my sewing assistant, Bones.

Papa would handle the knife and I with a spoon in hand was in charge of scooping out the seeds and pumpkin flesh. Like an assembly line, Papa would cut a small piece from the top, which was attached to the stem making a lid. With my mind-filled young curiosity, my hands would dig into the pumpkin, into the cold cavern of seeds and orange squishy goodness, wondering if would it be as fun as last year? Would it be as squishy? I still love squishing my hands between the seeds and the pulp. My Mom and Grandma sorted the seeds from the mess, rinsing and soaking the seeds to later roast in the oven. The memory of this process still lingers in my mind at the taste of salted pumpkin seeds. It was something I looked forward to, a hallmark of October.

Each year the pumpkin face was different, spooky and goofy, the way we liked our Halloween festivities which consisted of carving this pumpkin and the neighborhood trick-or-treat. The pumpkin carving happened a few days before trick or treat. I remember getting excited when the night came because I knew that meant I could dress up and wander the neighborhood with my friend a few days later, collecting candy as we went. When I saw this fabric at Joann’s it tugged at my heartstrings of those memories of childhood. The faces of these pumpkins look just like the way we would craft our jack-o-lantern. It was nothing too fancy, we were far from experts, but the expression carved from a kitchen knife had a certain charisma that I loved.

Not only did the pattern call to me, but the fabric was incredibly cozy, being made from a heavier flannel. I had to buy it. In true me fashion, I cut one side of the pants upside down, so my trademark pattern-matching mishap carries on into my fall-winter sewing escapades. I think at this point I should just embrace it. I’m not sure if we will carve a jack-o-lantern this year but here is our proud pumpkin friend from 2019. Happy Halloween!

Rediscovering Techniques in Color Theory

When you walk away from a discipline some of the knowledge stays with you, in the forefront of your mind. You can pick up where you left off, no matter how long it has been, like riding a bike. It is a core skill, a talent, an extension of yourself that stays with you regardless of what your hopes and dreams are in your current life.

For me personally, art in the mediums of watercolor, chalk pastel, acrylic, and block printing are forever imprinted in my brain. What has not stayed in the forefront though is how to make things look refined.

I used to possess this skill, but like a muscle group this skill needs to be practiced in order to stay toned or honed I guess is a better way to say that. To be sharp, one must sharpen through effort and practice.

As I continue to get my sketchbook out, I’ve noticed a plateau and a desire to make the image on the page pop. Something to make it feel real, or call to me from within the composed piece. I’ve experimented with movement and pointillism. I’ve been blending, shading, and highlighting.

I like the highlighting, but have noticed that I am going through my white pastel at a higher speed than the rest which got me thinking. Did I always, when I was taking art classes, defer to white to make those highlights? Is there another way I have lost since I stopped practicing, that I am missing?

What about color theory? I used to mix acrylic paints in this way to achieve specific hues and richer colors that subtly told the story in my brush strokes. It added three-dimensionality to a 2D image. But, I thought to myself, how did I do that with pastels?

And so from there I have been getting in my sketchbook and shading swatches of color. I do these swatches in groups. Next, I shade a contrasting color on top and see what happens. What I am seeing is making me quite pleased. I see depth. Earthiness. I see more natural hues with darker and lighter colors blending in the swatch.

With this re-claimed knowledge, I am inspired to continue down this path of discovery to re-acquaint myself with these lost skills. I didn’t realize how much I missed art as a form of expression and coping. It brings me joy. I feel at home, but a home I haven’t visited in many years if that makes sense.

It’s interesting what sticks with us from childhood, and what becomes part of our identity. Being willing to accept who I am who is not a boss babe but a sensitive creative with a lot of ideas floating around in this noggin. I should give that part of me more time to explore, reflect, and create.

Do you have any hobbies that you have done since you were a child? If so, what motivates you to keep pursuing them?

Listening to the Bible App’s Audio Version

I looked back through my posts the other day and realized it has been over a month since I shared a Bible Study post. I was surprised by this, but then I thought about it. Yeah, it makes sense, I’ve been aimless in my Bible reading. Opting to listen to the audio version on the Bible app rather than to sit down and have quiet time with the Lord. My reading routine in the morning has become a floating plan to whenever I take a break to be still with my Bible reading. As it goes life has gotten in the way and I’ve found myself fitting in a Bible listen at the end of the day while I get a shower, do my nightly planks, or while I work out. It’s been in the background, and I’ve wondered, am I getting as much out of this?

The Book of Daniel

It’s certainly been different. I’ve noticed that I am less likely to be familiar with the text, as in where in the chapter or book of the Bible I can find the information again. I don’t take notes because of the format change which has led to a decline in journalling about it. A positive is that I’ve been invigorated by this audio form in sections of my reading that have been confusing, laborious, and even a bit strange. Yes, I said strange and I am talking about the Bible. The last half of the book of Daniel is quite strange. It is a multi-chapter section of prophecy so otherworldly that Biblical scholars cannot perceive its full meaning. It has not been revealed to us yet or maybe it is not important for us to understand it, because as a 21st-century human maybe this prophecy from 600-500 B.C. simply isn’t applicable to us in the new covenant.

Even now as I begin to mention this section of Daniel I see an important point of my audio Bible listening illustrated – when I read this prophecy section my mind gets bogged down by what I am reading. I instinctively want to understand the text for the process of reading comprehension like they trained us in school but alas, I can’t fully understand it. In this process, my mind seems to get the loading screen of doom and I tend to get overwhelmed and stuck in one section of the Bible for a long time, fruitlessly. What I discovered while listening to the final chapters of the book of Daniel while riding the bike and other cardio exercises was that I could absorb the information in its strange form and let it be absorbed without getting bogged down. The narrator read the fantastical images as they were written in the text. My mind accepted it and took it in because it acknowledged the narrative nature of the text without needing to figure everything out before I accepted it.

Now should I go back and take notes? Yes, I need to definitely go back through that section because it has some descriptions of creatures that are more bizarre than DNAmy’s Cuddle Buddies combinations. The images are like Pokemon come to life and I want to try to make sense of it again. But I learned something valuable, if there is a section I feel discouraged by because of its height of difficulty or simply the language being used, listening to it is a viable option. So I tested this again.

Paul’s Correspondence with Corinth

My hypothesis proved fruitful. Listening to confusing first-century A.D. letters from the Roman Empire can certainly become easier to understand if they are read to you. Why? I believe it is because they are written with different grammatical standards and trends due to their translation and age that make it sometimes painful for a 21st-century reader. Think about Shakespeare or the Greek Tragedies – would you rather see them performed or read them to yourself? Unless you are Rory Gilmore, I would say the performance option is going to be the popular choice. Honestly, this made a huge difference. Paul is a fantastic speaker, he also uses continual run-on sentences. But if you take the context back to a letter that was read to the congregation, well then, we don’t write the same way we speak, do we? It helped me simply understand the point of his sentences. To glean the correct information and accept the information which specifically tries my patience. I’m referring to the case of certain passages addressing the women of Corinth that are difficult to get on board for in my modern Western context because they seem to muddy the waters.

Now the Apostles did disagree on things and both points of view are recorded in the canonical Bible, but context also plays a role which makes reading these sections, like 1 & 2 Corinthians a bit of a chore. These letters were written to address specific happenings with specific people and as such because they are letters yet included in the Bible, this makes understanding whether it applies to all of us to this day or just the women of this 1st century congregation is higher than my mind works. There is a lot of reading by faith and prayer because if I don’t I just get frustrated by the confusion.

Random Acts of Audio

I would highly recommend switching between reading the Bible with your physical book and listening to audio versions. Last night, I listened to the narrator read through the Book of Joel and most of Amos, which are books that are not cheery. God is both angry and disappointed in His people and that can be hard to read at times. Not only for the prophecy of destruction but for the pain God is feeling because His people have rejected Him and rejected Him for centuries. When a relationship is disrespected and treated as less than over and over again, there is acute pain. Studying the Bible has a transformative power in which you begin to see things through God’s perspective and not your own. It is sad thinking about how my Heavenly Father was betrayed by his children and yet is bound by His righteousness and justice to cast out evil. It reminds me that relationships, done badly are filled with pain for both parties. I’m not sure if I would have understood all the meaning contained within Joel and Amos’ words if I had read them instead of hearing them being read. There was repetition to their narrative structure that was evident as they were being spoken, as the prophets Joel and Amos would have done in the 5th and 7th centuries B.C. Interesting stuff, right?

Scenes of October | 01 Geese and Fire Red Leaves

This weekend I was blessed with the autumn splendor of a gray, spooky drive through the countryside (to Walmart, very aesthetic) and to get cheaper gas (another prime highlight reel moment, PA Gas Tax-core). It was absolutely stunning and unrepeatable because those leaves were that exact hue for that day. They have since deepened or faded. Maybe they were blown off their branch by the breeze of the cold front or simply washed to the ground by the rain. It was special. I also saw many Canadian Geese. In the air and in ponds, a few were standing in the road blocking our way forward. I loved it.

Since then I have been inspired to experiment with techniques to recreate the splendor of autumn through my pastels and to begin drafting a flying geese project, maybe a painting. These are my practice sketches from today.

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