Maybe Fiction Isn’t the Best Way to Express the Art?

With a new year comes new goals, like should I get organized and make this the year I return to writing as my full-time focus? I’ve been mulling over this for the past six months. I started watching more book-focused media and picked up physical books again, all in the quest to jump back into fiction writing after a one-time try in 2017 – also known as Udal Cuain. It was the ultimate escape during a time when every part of my life was falling apart, and we were struggling. My family was struggling; it was isolating, but instead, I crafted a world that I could escape into. I couldn’t afford therapy, so I wrote about what was on my mind. And it helped. It felt like a high I had never experienced before, but then it stopped helping. Life got a lot more complicated, but also better, more on track, and I walked away from it. Then I lost the draft for 6 years until I found it last January.

Life has been messy again, and the world feels like it is literally on fire, and I can feel the pull to want a coping mechanism.

This is where our story begins.

As I share often on this blog, I have become a sewist and fiber artist. I began this journey to a career pivot after a layoff in 2020, and it has become my whole world, particularly knitting and crochet. I find the more I dive into the craft of yarn, the more I feel creative release and the ability to tell stories with my stitches. You can even protest with it. I have been a visual artist my whole life, the frequency depending on how many notebooks, pencils, or paints I have access to. It is my first love. So where does writing fit in?

I was always a writer who enjoyed essays. I like writing about something, researching the subject, and I adore historical research. I enjoyed poetry in school, but my affection for literature came much later. Mainly by force, if you want to take AP English, you must read this many books over the summer. I’m still not the most passionate reader, I definitely take breaks between reading sprints, and sometimes I won’t pick up a book for months, because my hands are always busy with a project. This has put my desire to write another novel, a more polished one, in conflict with my life and potentially my calling.

This week, I sat down to brainstorm another round of novel ideas. This is my third or fourth round of this since 2023. Every time, I think of some good options, narrow my list down, start plotting, and hit a wall. My heart is not in it. I don’t see the characters or care to take my time to meet them. I want to get on with it and then analyze the deeper meaning. The other thing that happens regularly is that I freeze, and I think about how the world has changed since 2017 – mainly BookTok.

I don’t read Romantasy, I’m not going to write spice because that’s not my interest. Don’t look to me for trauma or disturbing plot lines; I don’t want to write that. I am white, cis, and straight, so will I offend by not having representation? I also don’t have the proper experience to offer diverse representation. I don’t know what I have to say in a book, like in a bigger picture – I don’t know what the deeper meaning is that I am looking to point to that I couldn’t just write about in an essay or create with visual or fiber art. This is where the title should start making sense. I don’t think worldbuilding and dialogue are my paint and canvas, and I don’t think we spend enough time considering where our gifts are best suited right now because of social media content.

We are so concerned with getting our work plugged into the algorithm, jumping on trends, cross-posting, and getting successful that we aren’t considering if the medium is best for our art. We are trying to fit in, and that’s killing creativity and the editing eye to know that’s not for me. I feel like it is obvious now, since reflecting on why I have writer’s block, but taking the time to look objectively feels so hard to do when we are fighting the AI monster. But it is okay to specialize. It is okay to find your niche and not appeal to everyone. It is better to work within your wheelhouse and say something authentically you and express it in a medium that feels true to yourself than worry about keeping up with others.

Maybe the best thing we can do as creative people is edit and focus on where we feel the most alive. I feel the most alive planning a personal knitting project that features motifs that represent my life and my loves. I love blogging and talking about serious things, not in literary techniques but in societal critique. I spent the day today, sketching and drafting pet portraits, and I am the most relaxed I have been in months. It’s the same high I felt writing Udal Cuain. I didn’t feel that way while brainstorming a novel. I felt nervous. So I don’t think it’s for me anymore.

Have you ever fallen into this trap? How did you find your way out? Thanks for spending time with me today. Until next time. Stay safe out there and know you are loved.

February 24, 2026

To start the path of becoming a knitwear designer, I first had to quit knitting, totally walking away from it to understand that it was something I was passionate enough to keep growing, pursue, and be willing to fail at to create something beautiful. Sometimes personal growth requires surrendering your plan to find the plan you were called to follow.

These pieces were made two years apart and yet I think they fit seamlessly together even though they were not planned. None of my knitting pieces from 2023 onward were planned because I decided to quit knitting in 2021 and was feeling pretty lost and frustrated in 2022. Knitting became a place of competition with my mom, a comparison with more advanced knitters, and a direct competitor to my sewing process.

It took a while for me to see this skill as an art form instead of a distraction. An extension of fashion design, storytelling, and fiber art. These forms are symbiotic, yet the way I was approaching it created struggle in my mind and it wasn’t until I made peace with the process that I could see how this was a way to continue self-expression and design.

It took being willing to approach knitting the way I feel comfortable instead of the way others feel comfortable, like knitting on straight needles, and taking the scenic route in my knitting technique to learn and improve. I had to accept that my pieces were going to look different because my approach was different than how I was being taught. Because of my background in art and sewing, I think about garment creation as I would in sewing. Knitting is the opposite, instead of cutting shapes out of a whole, you are making the whole shape out of nothing, it’s a brain teaser. It was at least until I took time to think about it.

After I completed the scarf, I put my needles away, donated my excess yarn stash, and walked away. For a year, I didn’t want to knit. I wasn’t inspired, I wasn’t interested. But at that time, I was designing with fabric. I was tailoring and learning how to read patterns. That’s when it clicked. All of it clicked.

It wasn’t that I couldn’t figure out knitting, I needed a better approach! My brain needed time to process the knowledge that I was learning from sewing and knitting. My mind was figuring out what kind of story it wanted to tell. Making a collection in 2022 for my family and friends got the ball rolling in my mind. I realized it wouldn’t be that difficult to be a successful knitter, I just needed to be a knitwear designer and go that extra step to create my own pattern and my own plan. Knitting hadn’t clicked before because I was trying to be like other knitters, instead of experimenting and finding my own style.

Just like personal style, creative writing, and art, you have to find your thing! The process may not feel like progress and that is where falling in love with the process is such an important piece of the puzzle. I have a passion for designing clothing, I’ve had it my whole life, but I was divorcing clothing from knitwear because I was not pushing myself to make clothing. Once I got serious and dove into making an actual garment it transformed my perspective. They are the same just different approaches. One does not need to be a distraction from the other, they can work in sync. That’s when the light bulb went off in my mind – so can accessories. Layers are little things that make a piece pop. If I am going to go all in for design, then a symbiotic relationship between what I design with thread and what I design with yarn must play off of each other. This is how I realized being a knitwear designer was as much a part of me as being a fashion designer, a sewist, an artist, and a writer.

Tag: finding yourself

Knitwear Designer