Category: social media

Socks Are Madness

This is a story of a winding road. It is not just passion that makes us try new and difficult things, but also the desire to fit in. Sometimes the road is bumpy, and bumpier still than we expected.

Last winter, I began a journey; at the time, I did not realize how technical this would be, and oh, how I miss the naive wonder of that time. I started my quest to make socks. The sock does not appear technical from the outside. It is a tube of knit fabric which we slip on our feet, most every day. Due to the Industrial Revolution, socks can be knit by machine with ease and speed. This has suspended our connection to the technology that first developed the sock—hand knitting.

In our modern day, socks are affordable and accessible. They are for sale everywhere in a myriad of textures, weights, and styles. We have socks for athleticism, socks for leisure, socks for style. They are boring, mundane Christmas gifts of childhood, and puppets with googly eyes. But what does it take to make a sock by hand?

I gave this a shot last year, and it challenged me! I cataloged my experience in Socks, A Journey, and Socks: An Update, where I began knitting socks flat on straight needles and three months later gave circular knitting a try. My first flat knit socks were made top down, in a tube style that negates the heel flap and requires sewing the sock into a tube. They are loose in fit but warm and great socks to wear around the house. My advanced tries, knitting in the round and turning the heel, were more of an adventure. My tension was tight, and my heel flap a nightmare, unable to be duplicated into a second sock, for how off script my technique became. I didn’t grasp the why of what I was doing and therefore messed up the pattern.

This summer, I went to a local yarn shop where I began my journey to sock more traditionally. I picked up a pair of small-gauge double-pointed needles and sock sock-making kit with proper sock yarn of wool and nylon, to do it “properly” and oh my, did this bomb. The toe-up pattern, new to me from my previous projects that were cuff down, pushed me far out of my depth. I sank instead of swimming. The four double-pointed needles and my uncoordinated hands created tension and laddering in the knit, which looks exactly as it sounds. I tried three times to knit a few centimeters before the stitches fell off the needles, the sock falling off with the stitches. In desperation, as the needles were 29 USD and the sock kit 29 USD, I was feeling very silly and wasteful purchasing new needles and new yarn that I couldn’t do anything with.

So I pivoted to my trusty straight needles until I saw my mom later that weekend, and she lent me a pair of small-gauge, small-circumference needles to finish the sock. Still baffled by the heel flap and the vague instructions on the pattern, I tried German short rows for shaping the heel. In a fortnight, I completed the first of the two socks. I cast off and handed it to Kyle to try on, and the size was all wrong. I tried to frog it back into a skein of yarn, but the splitty yarn tangled, ripped, and became a ball of knots. It was over, and I was furious with myself for wasting time, money, resources, and, honestly, hurting my eyes squinting to see my tiny stitches for almost two weeks to accomplish nothing.

Socks are madness. And maybe I should stop beating myself up about my failure when socks are one of the hardest things to make by hand. I am an overachiever and a perfectionist, so this type of failure cuts me deep. I obsess, I rage, and I fall apart in the madness of learning something that may take years to execute once, not even perfectly. But you know what? I have made good socks before! Comfortable, almost perfect for what I was looking to achieve, socks. But I rejected them as being good because I was embarrassed at how I made them. I didn’t follow the right techniques, I used the “wrong” yarn, and I didn’t turn the heel.

Sometimes I have major imposter syndrome as a knitter. I feel like a fraud because I don’t use the exact same patterns, same tools, same yarn as everyone else on the internet. But why is that a bad thing? I’ve listened to other knitters in podcasts discuss how the sameness of knitting is making it boring. Apparently, at Rhinebeck or other knitting events, it is easy to see the same sweater throughout the sea of people, and that is a new thing. Listening to knitters, who have been knitting long before 2020, when I really started knitting consistently, knitters used to do their own thing. Yarn suggestions in patterns were exactly that – a suggestion.

People were designing more and experimenting instead of knitting in the homogenized way we see today, which is one of the ways I feel like an outsider. I don’t want to knit the same things as everyone else, but I also want to be good at the craft, and it leaves me in this push-and-pull tension. It became clear to me, though, that my search to “fit in” with the proper sock kit and the expensive needles didn’t make me a better maker. It was honestly a bit of a handicap. So I guess my takeaway is to be yourself?

I don’t want to stagnate in my skills, but if I can find my own technique to make socks and other garments with the “non-standard” tools and yarn, then is it really stagnation or just getting creative with where my skill level is at? I’ve been pondering this a lot and have more thoughts on this from both the point of view of a knitter and a sewist. But that will have to wait for next time.

Part Two: Sewing Overalls Step by Step

I’ve been looking at how to make a custom overalls pattern, based on drafting techniques, which I began with this post: Drafting Shortalls from Scratch. But how to construct them? Well, that’s what I plan to explore today! To do this, yesterday, I cut out another pair of overalls, this time for the fall-winter-spring season, to retrace my steps.

Step One

With your pieces cut out according to your measurements, you should have four leg pieces – two front and two back. The next two bib pieces should be cut out, with the back piece cut a bit differently to accommodate the straps. This is to anchor the straps at the middle of your shoulders to keep the overalls securely on your frame.

Step Two

I like to begin with the pants or shorts portion of an overall project, because they are foundational to the silhouette. I like to pin the leg pieces together to try on before sewing. Remember to leave several inches of the outer thigh seams pinned for the flies and buttons.

Once you know that the pieces will fit, with seam allowance accounted for, I begin sewing the leg pieces together, leaving out the crotch seam and the top part of the inseam, to attach the two pieces as one pair of pants. After these have been sewn together and I have tried them on, I will move on to the bib.

Step Three

For less bulk, I like to cut the seams of the crotch portion and leg seams that will join together, with pinking shears, to make my hems less thick. This lets the sewing machine, or your hand sewing needle, pass through the seam with ease, and is more comfortable to wear.

How do you join pants? Well, you leave the top of the inseam open so that those two inseams will line up together, making the two legs join at the top where the pelvis is. Remember this is a bifurcated garment, so you want your final shape to be two tubes, joined to make one tube at the top. I’ve messed this up several times; it’s okay even if you sew it wrong the first thousand times. That is what mockups and seam rippers are for!

Step Four

For the bib of these overalls pictured above, they were cut into short pieces, so I just had to join these pieces together. I added a facing to the inside of the bibs, which is just a piece of the fabric’s right side facing inside, so that the bibs are finished cleaner around the neckline.

I inserted the straps between the facing and the bib for a clean and secure stitch. The straps were finished with a loop on either side of the front bib to tie around, instead of the metal fastenings. I was inspired by Lucy and Yak Dungarees.

Step Five

The final touches are the bias tape, the side buttons, and the five pockets. I find the bias tape the most mundane thing; therefore, I choose to do that next, which is a 1-2″ ribbon of the fabric used to finish the raw edges still exposed on the sides.

Step Six

Next, I created the flies on either side by folding over the fabric to make the button placket and button hole placket. This was planned out when I cut out the overalls. After making the button holes and finishing them with either the machine or by hand, I mark out on the other side where the holes overlap to mark for buttons.

Step Seven

Finally, I sew the pockets. I chose a large, half-rounded bib pocket on the front, two smaller rectangle pockets on the backside, and medium side pockets sewn across the hip. Next? Enjoy your creation and feel a sense of accomplishment. You did something hard, and probably felt lost at times, but you persevered to learn a new skill. It’s not cringeworthy to try. So go for it! ❤

#76 – Boredom in 2025

The biggest trend I think I’ve seen this year is the sentiment that everything feels boring right now. Whether it is fashion, film, or books, the art of storytelling is supposedly dead. This phenomenon has even crept into my unpredictable and exciting world of K-pop, and up until yesterday, I’d say I agreed. But as I sit here, I would like to put forth a different thesis.

Escapism from the Super Massive Blackhole

What if everything feels boring because you are running on empty? This year was the first time since discovering K-pop in 2022 that I felt bored and indifferent to my favorite bands. Some of this was due to outside forces beyond my control, like controversies, military service, and straight-up evil in the case of Taeil. Yet, some of this boredom, I believe, was caused by how much I was leaning on these safe spaces to find joy when nothing felt joyful or safe. There has been a constant pulse of uncertainty, like tectonic tremors, making us all question the point of it all. There is such a dreary air. A hopelessness, especially in people my age and younger, who are not able to reach milestones due to broken systems. Since I discovered the band Stray Kids, I run to their music for a safe place. But in 2025, I had stretches of time where even SKZ had no appeal. I had listened to every release over and over again until even their most addictive tracks had no appeal. I couldn’t believe how much I was craving a new album until a week before Karma released. As the week progressed, I could feel a hunger for a happy distraction. This year has been the first time my usual pick-me-ups have felt numb, and I wonder if one prong of this boredom we seem to be feeling isn’t coming from this exact situation.

To be honest, I think this could be why K-pop Demon Hunters exploded in popularity; it was new and fun when things seemed darker than ever. Same thing with Twice and their Lollapalooza performance, it was a night where everything felt normal for a second.

Have I Entertained You?

This attention economy is reminding me of that iconic line from Gladiator, and I don’t like what it is doing to art, music, storytelling, fashion, all of it. There is no room to reflect and craft something beautiful. We are pushing things too fast. I’ve been reflecting on this for a while. I see commentary on trends, relating to fashion, which usually goes something like – there is nothing new, everything and nothing is trending, yada, yada, yada. Sprinkle in a bit about clothing quality from the past, and the brain rot of the algorithm, which is killing creativity and subcultures because of a curated vitality. Like it’s a beast unleashed upon modernity, instead of stopping to think critically about it.

It’s obvious after some consideration that making things for vitality is not the same as making something to stand the test of time. Modern romance novels are being created for TikTok vitality first, and quickly, to keep up with the lazy decision of publishing houses to invest in AI over true writers. We blame the current author pool for a lack of creativity instead of holding publishing houses accountable for ruining their reputation through unethical practices. Because, truly, as an author, why would you feel inspired to create a story like Jane Austen when this is the current state of publishing? You could make a true work of art, and be rejected because they would rather steal work to create the same story through AI, or the publisher doesn’t want to take a chance on a good story when the algorithm is fickle and shallow.

Boring People Are Bored

AI is doing exactly what I expected; lazy people are becoming lazier, except that it is currently being rewarded. We used to know how to entertain ourselves. We used to know how to create, enjoy, and take pleasure in things, but I think AI is a snare that is making people boring, and it doesn’t have to. AI is an easy way out of daily life. It can be a friend, a relationship you don’t have to nurture, but is hollow. It can create art, but you will have no artistic skill of your own as a result. It can write you a book, without telling a story. It can create a music video, like JUMP for Blackpink, without any effort from the actual talent, and create a nightmare image of Rose with Jungkook’s facial structure. Do you see the pattern? It’s like cheating your way through school; it produces nothing and wastes precious resources, like time, or in the case of AI, drinking water and electricity.

Cringe > Innovation

What I have seen as the most flagrant accusation of boredom has been the dissonance of innovation and cringe. Let’s take, for example, Ceremony. It’s a song that has no chorus until the end of the song. It’s layered, has high production value, and features something new for Stray Kids and boy band offerings. But what do I see online? It’s awful. Stray Kids are braggy and loud, no talent. K-pop is boring; everything sounds the same. Except, Stray Kids, it’s too experimental. No wait, it sounds like all their other songs, yawn….etc. How can we have the audacity to complain about being bored while we punish bands for taking risks? It’s not just Stray Kids, I have seen similar criticism being launched at Nmixx, NCT, Ateez, Twice, Aespa…the list goes on.

It’s no different when it comes to the world of fiber arts. People complain about how crochet and knitting are getting boring and want new things to make, because everyone is knitting the same things, yet don’t branch out from a few massive pattern makers, like Sari Noorland, Petite Knit, and Andrea Mowry, to name a few. There are so many smaller creators crafting joyful patterns that would disrupt the slump, but no one wants to stand out these days.

I think as this year enters its final act, we should decide what we value more: being entertained? Or being authentic? Do you want to truly discover something new? Do you want to dig deeper for something fresh? It requires us to act, to search, and to participate, because we are allowing ourselves to become boring people, and it is spreading across culture, where it will stay unless we choose to be interesting again. I get it. This year has been demoralizing, and it’s made me feel like giving up many times, but there is always a reason to keep going. What if your big idea is the thing that makes this dull and dreary world sparkle again? You could be the change we need, so stop scrolling and find something that ignites passion in your heart once again!

Individuals Without Individuality

What does it mean to be an individual? Are you a person? A sum among parts? An island? A unique person, maybe? What does it mean to do things individually? What does individuality mean to an individual? I really wish this word, and its forms, weren’t so tricky to spell with my slightly dyslexic mind (not formally diagnosed, but it runs in the family). It’s a lot to digest, but this has probably been stewing in my mind for the past year, waiting for me to plate it up.

My culture is incredibly individualistic, and this is expressed in good ways and bad. One good way is that my country is a land of immigrants and indigenous people, meaning there are voices, ideas, and ways of doing things. But when there are people, there are forces of wanting to fit in, wanting to control and suppress, and prescribed ideas of the “best” way. I think this has been at the forefront of my mind because I see a vast amount of content being shared online saying originality is dead, or personal style has been killed by the algorithm. We are all core-ified or aesthetically boxed in, and social media has commodified subcultures. But it’s the internet, critiquing the internet, so we’re of course using broad, and extreme brushstrokes here.

Where my mind has drifted to is the sameness. I see people online discussing the boringness of everything from movies to the same cosmetic procedures, the bland landscape of interior design, and starter pack cliches for “types” of women. There is a sea of Petite Knit patterns, a galaxy of Marvel media that repeat the same formula, reboot television, and romantic tropes pushed by publishers and BookTok to make everything fit nicely in the digital marketing ecosystem. Then we fall into nostalgia, like recession pop, which I found myself listening to the other day, reminiscing about my first summer as a member of Geneva’s painting crew in 2010. Thinking about how different life was before I even had a Facebook.

What we talked about and the memories I made with the women and men of my team were tangible, not digital. We discovered what we liked based on environmental forces, like books assigned in school, books suggested by a friend, etc. Music was discovered and shared by radio play, recommendations from others, and shared playlists that your friend curated, not the music streaming platform or the algorithm. I thought a bit less about my appearance, I mean, in adolescence, you are quite aware, but not as much as the smartphone era has brought attention to the physical image of ourselves. I had fewer pictures, grainier pictures, but more memories. Strong memories are tied to tangible things, like songs, food, books, buildings, and movies. We were all very different from each other, yet we could find commonality, and this is where the gears in my mind started turning.

We were part of a group, but had individuality. Yet, nowadays I feel more like I’m in a void, of no commonality, except for how everyone is into the same things, and wears the same clothes, yet we are not connected, communicating, nor would I even consider that despite our shared things we are on a team or part of a community. It’s hollow.

I think we are missing the point of life. We are not working towards something together. We are not part of communities. We are part of aesthetics. We have become fans not of art or sport but of corporations like Target, Lululemon, Sephora, Stanley, and Tesla. Well, probably not Tesla anymore. Target is also being boycotted, so…anyways. Apple, Alo, Rhode, Kate Spade, Trader Joe’s, Labubu. That’s more 2025, phew. Why are we stanning companies? Why are we considering shopping for a hobby? This is not a way to connect; it is a way to consume and drown in stuff instead of substance. Our roots are becoming so shallow, and our debt is vast; we are plants choked out by the weeds of hyper-individualism. We have let originality become a thing achieved not by character formation and real-life community, but by the path of purchase. Purchases for ourselves. It snuck in so fast, I didn’t realize how the art of gift giving has become a self-care checklist. Yikes! It wasn’t until playing Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing: New Horizons that I was struck by how topsy-turvy my own culture has become. Our priorities are whack, and I believe it has made us lonely, shells, devoid of individual thought, buying our way to “happiness” because all we think about is our individual needs above all. We have forgotten that humans are fulfilled by the relationships and communities we are rooted in. It’s time to break the spell.

Phone Calls in the Smartphone Era

As a Zillennial, on the cusp of both Gen Z and Millennials, my generation(s) have been stereotyped by the older folks as being afraid of phone calls, preferring a text to a voice on the other end of the line. And for a while, I’d say, yeah, I fell into this place of preferring a text as a teenager or chatting online, in my moody, insecure teenagedom, but then the phone call became this novelty of a thing. Calling someone seemed so serious, I became apprehensive if my question or answer was “serious” enough to warrant a call.

I didn’t want to be a burden, which is such a strange upside-down world from childhood, when the phone was the only way to contact your friends. I remember in the days of late elementary school, email being another exciting tool to communicate, like letters, but now email has become an intrusive contact on my smartphone. And maybe, that’s because email felt like real mail, when you could only check it on your window of computer time on the shared family computer. There was a boundary between online and offline. My mind has been marinating on this since watching a Theresa Yea video called, Why the Internet Will Never Be Cool Again.

I’m currently stuck in an endless game of phone tag, which is quite common when I am talking regularly to one of my parents. With my dad, it was a long game of waiting for that perfect window of nothingness. His layover in a city he found boring, I’d keep him company as he complained about life. Entertaining him and supporting him in his time of boredom, because if he were home, he was on the go every single moment. If I needed him, he would usually call me back on a drive home with a small set window for his attention span or horrible service.

My mom, in a similar fashion, gets stuck in these loops going non-stop. Except she answers the phone in loud restaurants, in the car, or at events, just to tell me that she is not available. She will even talk to other people around her, making me wait, or will pass the phone to the people she is with, as if I want to say hi to them when I really just wanted to converse with her about something important.

There is nothing like being on the brink of a panic attack and having your mom pass you to an acquaintance to say hi instead of listening to your crisis. Especially when you called because you thought they were home and available, but really, your loved one is always on the go. Not emotionally available. I hate calling and being met with passive-aggressive pressure to stop talking and let her go, even though she chose to answer the phone and enter into conversation like she was available at first, only to break that illusion as soon as you answer “how you are doing”. Read the room, kid, but honestly, how can I? This is particularly confusing when my parents both let me know how they would prefer me to live closer so I would be more available, but would it matter?

The video call and the text have become two of the most intrusive manners of communication, because a text should be responded to promptly and a video call, in her mind is perfectly normal to answer in a public setting like a restaurant or car without letting me know before I speak, what I believe I am saying in private to a person who is available to talk, to be swiftly gotcha-ed by the fact that I am not alone, and my privacy is not respected. The video call is like a two-edged sword; it is nice to connect with friends and family over long distances, but it is also a tool that hinders connection. It drops in unannounced and forces conversations that should be private to be open to the room.

I crave the dedicated correspondence of my grandma’s era, when she moved to another town, which meant that calling her mom would be categorized as long distance, and so she and her mom wrote letters to each other every day. I haven’t had that kind of connection with my mom since she got remarried, and I miss that feeling of connection, of being heard. It’s something that carried through my Grandma and my Aunt Florence’s generation, my phone calls with them being so intentional and full of connection. It was a visit, a catch-up, and was treated with hard boundaries. The common thread here is the lack of a smartphone.

Phones were still seen as tools to converse, not mini-computers full of distractions. I find this intentionality coming back to conversations I have with my friends; there are boundaries and moments set aside to converse without distractions. We have planned phone calls or dedicated pauses to set aside other tasks to write longer messages, like letters, through messaging apps. It has improved our communication and respect for each other’s time, in a way that I wish I could have with my parents. I just want to connect and not be connected. I want to converse and not call. I want to correspond and not text.

It is all a pipe dream, because this is never going to happen, they are just too enamoured with technology and the endless possibilities of their boomer generation, and the financial leg up that their generation has to be on the go and do things nearly constantly. We live in two different worlds, and that makes me sad.

Fashion Feels So Off in 2025

I was talking to my friend recently about fashion week, we bounced between NYFW and PFW in our discussions, primarily NYFW and we both remarked how the spark is gone. Growing up we both lived for those massive February and September issues of American Vogue, but as adults, neither of us read the fashion magazines nor are we swept up in watching a runway show stream on Youtube. In college I remember watching runway shows between classes, soaking up the atmosphere of the music, the makeup, the silhouettes strutting down the long walk away. Now, I hardly care about fashion week. My favorite moments of fashion week are no longer the collections and focus on Hyunjin’s interactions with Donatella at the Versace show and Felix’s runway passes for Nicholas Ghesquiere’s Louis Vuitton Women’s collection.

Out of the two of these collections – Versace and Louis Vuitton, I guess I pay attention to and prefer Donatella’s work, but I’m not looking at the collection, I’m focused on the spectacle anymore with these fashion shows. Versace shows at Milan Fashion Week, not Paris for clarification. I watched a highlight of PFW from Fashion Roadman and was underwhelmed. Even Alexander McQueen cannot get me hyped for the runway anymore. I saw there was a Carhartt collaboration with the brand Sacai which was quite frustrating to me. I’ve worn Carhartt before and it is not my vibe. Some shows reused old items, sorry they presented from the archive, from previous collections for “sustainability” and there was a collection addressing war, which feels a bit like that infamous scene in The Devil Wears Prada.

I know it sounds harsh, but I wish brands would do more for countries around the world than present a “statement” against war with military-inspired pieces when these brands are part of huge conglomerates that have the resources and influence to make a difference and instead, they use fashion to make money from exploited workers. And maybe that is why fashion in 2025 feels so off – fashion is not fun anymore. We know too much, the fashion machine has destroyed so much and is the capitalist monster filled with egos and performative greenwashing.

I’ve mentioned before that I find more inspiration from K-Pop than fashion magazines and that holds true for me in 2025. I’m more interested in customizing my wardrobe and making things personalized to my tastes than following the trend cycle because the trend cycle is regurgitating things from my lifetime that I’m already interested in, such as ballet flats, but assigning them an expiration date and I disagree. By the mid-2010s I was tired of ballet flats, but I had worn them for 10 years at that point and was interested in something new to replace my worn, falling-apart flats. I’d rather pick a reference and get inspired, like watching Seinfeld and writing notes for an outfit I’d like to emulate. But that doesn’t fit with the fashion cycles and seasons, so it’s making the fashion shows seem pointless to me.

But the most off-putting thing I’ve seen this year is the discussion – ‘The Death of Personal Style’ which I have seen explored by Drew Joiner, Mina Le, and Nicky Reardon. This topic has been debated across the internet in spaces I don’t visit like X or TikTok, but I think people are bored and claiming personal style is dying because we need some fresh inspiration. I’ve been in a creative slump so far in 2025 with writing because the internet spaces I hang out in have been so negative this year. Like a communal ennui has rolled in, shrouding creative people in a fog. It’s been hard to not buy into the mindset and I’ve been a member of the club after seeing how worried my loved ones are that are facing being cut from their job or their career sector being gutted. Fiber artists and sewists are definitely in a delicate place right now, finding a new normal after Joann’s.

Yeah, it’s weird. I hate change, and I fear the past being repeated, but something struck me last night after watching two videos that have nothing to do with fashion but humor me. The YouTube creator Suibhne (Swee-nee) makes historical content about countries around the world, I in particular chose The History of Korea and The History of Japan to watch, and it’s heavy. What happened between Korea and Japan in the Sino-Japanese War has had lasting consequences, but so has European colonialism in Asia and America’s forced opening of Japan through Commodore Matthew Perry.

Watching these videos that recount the atrocities of WWII in the Pacific reminds me that the overall concern of what is happening politically in the world and in my home country is coming from a noble place. I think overreaction or potentially appropriate reaction is important to keep any bit of the past from being repeated. It’s staying vigilant, like the servants in Luke 12 who were waiting at the door for the master of the house to return. Complacency is never a good thing.

Stay dressed for action and keep your lamps burning, and be like men who are waiting for their master to come home from the wedding feast, so that they may open the door to him at once when he comes and knocks. 

Luke 12:35-36 ESV

So instead of being concerned by the social worry of WWII attitudes re-emerging, I should see it as a positive that people are taking things seriously and are unwilling to let evil take root again for the good of all. Even when I consider how fashion seems so dark because of unethical labor practices, sometimes I wish I didn’t know about the darkness, and instead I should consider how knowledge is not the enemy, the unethical practices are the enemy. Shopping is not as fun, but why is my pleasure more important than the rights of garment workers? It’s not all about me. Knowing this information is not the end point either, we put the awareness into action for change. So fashion feels off, but I think we’re tilling up ground for something new, not destroying something joyful for us fashion lovers.

I wish you hope, joy, and peace wherever you are. Thank you for taking the time to spend it with me today, dear reader. Until next time ❤

Yesterday, Today, and Forever

Tariffs. Bird Flu. Ragebait. Clickbait. Speculation. Social Media. Everyone has an opinion. Eggs. But you’re telling me no one has a solution? Anger. Tears. Can no one else see the Ha Satan clearly?

Closures. Monopolies. Let’s spiral. Small business. Big business. DOGE. AI. Algorithm, subscription fatigue. The death of personal style. Kindle downloads. Call BookTok, this 1984. The world is full of NPCs. Could you wake up from your main character energy?

Quiet the voices speaking lacking wisdom. Who knows no good deed. I’ve had enough. Power. Riches. They are for fools. Feel a calling, verses come into focus. So perfectly timed. Elohim. YHWH. Passing over. Lent is upon us. Cling to truth.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”

Hebrews 13:8 NIV

#69 – Joann Fabrics, A Crafter’s Thoughts, LYS

We are in a clickbait world, with insane thumbnails and exaggerated headlines. Over time I’ve learned to stop clicking, stop believing, to wait and see if there is an ounce of truth to the “news” on the screen. That was my strategy for the ongoing Joann’s bankruptcy story. They filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in March 2024, which raised many red flags in my mind, but I wasn’t allowing myself to worry. Bankruptcy happens, it should be fine. I decided to wait and see with a cool and calm demeanor. In the meantime, I would craft and mind my business.

In the fall of 2024, a news headline caught my attention – Joann’s was closing a few stores nationwide, one of them being my local Joann Fabrics. What a weird coincidence! But only a few stores nationwide, my mind pondered, that must signify this is okay, right? They’ll close my small store and a few more, not a big deal. No need to be concerned. I have other Joann Fabric locations within driving distance, I’ll go to those!

As the news cycle went, I continued to see thumbnails of a concerning nature as we entered the new year, questions of Joann’s future, and whether they were closing their doors for good. What an odd way to get traffic, I thought. They filed almost a year ago and the consequence was a few stores that would shut down, are these creators making a mountain from a small pile of dirt? I ignored them and carried on my way, thinking of the projects I’d like to make and the yarns I’d plan to use from the ever-growing list of inspirations I have saved.

I love Joann’s Big Twist line along with their collaboration with Eddie Bauer. They have been my two most used yarns aside from Knit Picks in 2024. I use the Eddie Bauer for sock and accessory projects, while the Big Twist has been my go-to yarn for wearables like sweaters due to its soft not scratchy acrylic structure, which gets softer with wear and washing, it is such an affordable yarn that has helped me create in lean times.

I have the same affection for Joann’s fabric department! The amount of inspiration I have found from Joann’s clearance section has been a huge blessing to my sewing journey. It has provided an affordable way to try new fabrics and hone my fabric knowledge without the pressure of learning by sewing expensive fabric for these experimental projects. Some of my favorite makes have been possible because of the clearance section. I also adore their lightweight quilting cotton fabric for summer. It makes a great sundress and no, people don’t automatically see that it is quilting cotton like some sewists fear. The ribbons, the notions, buttons, zippers, thread, interfacing, patterns, embroidery thread, not to mention Halloween decor!

Over the weekend, my alarm bells rang out while watching a new TLYarnCrafts video, because Toni is not a clickbait creator. She and her mom, Gwen, went to their local Joann’s for one last trip just in case of closure. That’s when it sunk in, Joann Fabrics filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy again in January 2025, calling for its sale and possible liquidation by said buyer until Joann’s is gone. I began tracking the updates on Reddit this week and the news was grim with each passing day. My fellow sewists and yarn enthusiasts seem just as heartbroken and confused as I feel by this ominous development. I truly thought Joann Fabrics was turning the financial woes around by closing just a few stores, but I was wrong.

It’s a staple for me to shop there. My local yarn shop and local fabric shop where there isn’t a small local business to support in my area. Joann’s filled that void. It was my first fabric store experience and will always hold a special place in my heart for supplying access to items that gave me purpose through crafting when my life needed a new direction.

On Wednesday, the updates became utterly ridiculous. An official document from Joann Fabrics named 500 of their 800 locations across the United States marked for shutdown. Including all the ones in my area. After I sat with the news I began to feel despair, not for me, but for all the workers who were getting the rug pulled out from under them. I’ve been laid off in the past and it is such a bizarre feeling. You’re not losing your job for a better opportunity or because you screwed up, nothing about the reason which led to your layoff was connected to you. Yet it directly affects your life and it leaves you feeling empty, in my opinion.

There has been a lot of bad news here in the last two months – fires, plane crashes, Tulsi Gabbard being confirmed, etc. The air is ripe with change and I hope that every employee who is being affected by this can transition to their next step with as little stress as possible. You guys did nothing to deserve this, the leaders of your company are taking away a great resource for the crafting community due to their mismanagement, not yours. What a weird year this is and it’s only February.

So this is my little reflection on what Joann Fabrics has meant to me and I hope this is not the end. Even with the sale looming, I hope they will not get rid of the company entirely, it serves a good purpose that cannot be filled by Michaels or Hobby Lobby. This will be a new adventure for me to find other yarn and fabric stores, not local to me but a local small business for someone. Thankfully the internet does exist so who knows where this will find me.

What will never be the same though is the ability to go look at fabric and yarn in person in a store that had it all in the same place, only catering to creative endeavors at an affordable price. It was a third place to be around others who liked the same crafts as me. I’m going to miss the connection to others and the lovely fabric-cutting humans who more often than not had more sewing experience than I had years lived that helped me numerous times formulate my sewing plans. Even if I didn’t agree with them, they were usually right when I went rogue and used fabric not meant for that project. I’m going to miss that.

A Shy Girl Goes To The DMV

I’d say this photo, featured above accurately represents how I feel in situations like going to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) to renew my driver’s license. It’s a blur of moments, faces, government jargon, and touch screens. The big stack of papers signed and passed along in the process of closing on a house is more etched in my brain than the 20 minutes at my local DMV location. There is something about the dull, harsh lighting and bland walls covered in bulletins, electronic screens, and directions. It’s overstimulating and yet underwhelming. It is not a place I feel comfortable in.

This feeling began many years ago during the driver’s permit test process, in a different DMV, equally dull and filled with too many signs and screens. There was always one piece of information I was missing. A document my mom and I forgot, or a process out of order. The test was deceptively easy to study and terrifyingly tricky when taken, and I almost missed too many answers due to the sheer amount of distraction of the dull yet harsh environment.

This time, was one of those such times. Renewing in 2017 was easy, it was a new DMV with friendly people. Renewing in 2021 was an absolute breeze because there was no need to go in for the photo, just click and pay at home. It spoiled me. Renewing this time in 2025 was one of those DMV experiences fraught with tricky trip-ups.

Not surprising for me, it’s been a place I have been thwarted for years, from nervously failing the parallel park portion because I was afraid of my test proctor and his gruff demeanor or forgetting to keep my permit up-to-date and having to renew to test to wait four months for another testing time. The government process is nothing if not inefficient and a war of attrition.

The gauntlet was thrown down. Waiting for Christmas and New Year to pass, I renewed my license online and got stuck in a loop of changing my address. I then could not reach the process to renew anymore, because it was updating my address. So I mailed my renewal and waited. I then received two separate address updates for the license set to expire, but no update on my renewal.

Two weeks passed and I began to anxiously check the internet for a timeline – usually within 15 business days. Oh no, business days…I sent it in the mail on Jan 2, how many days would spend in the USPS system? Then a former president passed, delaying mail service. Was renewing it a month in advance not enough?! We then checked online, showing it had been renewed. Phew! But, when? I received another piece of mail, updating my voter registration automatically, but no temporary license or camera card.

Each day as the mail came, I ran to check it like Ralphie waiting for his Little Orphan Annie secret decoder pen. I began to worry, was my license going to expire waiting for it to show? Was it all going to unravel because of the sluggish pace of the government institution? How was I going to follow behind in my car when my husband’s car went for inspection in February? Was it back to walking for me?

Then one beautiful day I heard the mailbox close with a slam (it’s a very old cast iron mailbox), I scurried from my work room and descended the stairs with the promise of the future in my eyes. My delight was palpable as my hand pulled a DMV envelope from the mailbox. The envelope tore with ease, revealing the temporary license and camera card in my hands. All was saved!

On the next good weather weekend (it’s been a winter of snow squalls) we made our way to the DMV for the last battle left, the camera portion. Now as a shy person, this is the part that still makes me want to recoil. I never liked picture day at school. When a camera is pointed at me I can’t smile normally. I feel like a spotlight bears down upon me, filling me with dread. My smile looks unnatural, sometimes like a grimace if I smile with teeth. If I smile with a closed mouth like I did throughout my braces era, it looks uncomfortable, my shyness written across my face.

Filled with shyness, I sallied forth, pulling my ticket in preparation for a long wait. To my surprise, my number was called immediately and I had to go to a completely separate area, by myself. Something I dread in unfamiliar places. So in a flurry of adrenaline, I went into the photo room and unbeknownst to me went to the wrong side of the table to sit down. The DMV lady shouted at me, my face immediately turning red. Embarrassed and ashamed at my accident, my apologies flowed forth. She continued to scold me in front of the other citizens there to get their photo. It was incredibly awkward.

She was sweet to the other people and continued to speak to me with contempt, even though I continued to apologize for my mistake. I was flustered. Ripping my paperwork and not knowing where to go. Soon the others in front of me were served. It was my time to smile but to be honest, I was so embarrassed and concerned they were going to remove me as a security threat, I knew that wasn’t going to be possible.

Then the weirdest thing happened the lady switched from harsh to calm, saying she needed to yell at me for the camera on the ceiling or she would face consequences. (What? That’s bizarre.) It was tough to trust the nice demeanor, was she going to snap at me again if I made another mistake?

At that point, I was introvert drained from the drama, and wanted to hide. My posture could not hide my internal feelings as I sat down in front of the camera. Flash, the first picture snapped displaying a red-faced blank expression. She offered me a retake and snap, and a turtle-necked miserable-looking photo appeared on screen. I believe she offered me another retake but my mind was far away.

I continued to make mistakes, including selecting Arabic on my screen to fill out a few more things for completion. As she handed me my card, she apologized finally for scaring me, which I appreciated and I wished her a good day. I looked at my ID card and was horrified, the person doesn’t even look like me. The bottom half of the image is stretched out, compared to my photo from 2017 it looks like I aged and let myself go from how distorted the image is from what I saw on the screen.

It was the cherry bomb on top of the 2025 battle: DMV vs. Shy Girl.

I’ve tried to remind myself that what is important is that I did it, I didn’t cry when shouted at, and I didn’t give into my anxiety and bail. I did it and persevered, the bad picture happened but it doesn’t reflect what I actually look like and no one is really going to see it. But dang, what an awful experience! I think why the new picture feels like such a jump scare is it is all my fears wrapped up into one – aging and looking ugly and fat. My culture is obsessed with thinness and beauty. Plastic surgery is becoming normalized and it is sickening how vain we all are becoming. I forgot to do my hair, I didn’t wear foundation just a little eyeliner, and I forgot to gua sha.

The picture was just me and things out of my control like getting scolded, bad lighting, and a stretched image created something without beauty, because beauty is not the goal for the DMV, it is clinical and for the process of identification. It is a stark contrast to the world of filters, good lighting, and curated perfection fed to us in this current age. Seeing that ugly image, rocked my confidence because even though I find my worth in Christ, I still live in this fallen world that equates beauty and youth with virtue and worth. So what happens when life happens and time passes? We become older, we gain weight and no longer look like the size 2 self from our teen years?

Is everything past that point worthless? I realized, as I looked at the image of my expired license and the new one that having the same picture for two renewals, warped my view of how I am aging. The younger version also was far more curated as a coping mechanism. I used to be a stickler for straightening my hair, wearing makeup, jewelry, and food restriction to be in the beauty standard to blend in, like an outer shell. Protective, candy-coated.

But the younger version of myself would have been unable to cope with a stranger yelling at me without crying and shutting down. Any picture of myself I saw as ugly, I had no confidence even at my skinniest. All the things that have happened since 2017 – loss of loved ones, getting shunned by family members, reconnecting with my dad and his family only to get hurt again, losing my place to live, having nowhere to live, and crashing in people’s guest rooms for a few weeks, moving to Georgia and back, subsequent moves out of sketchy landlord situations, my first job, my first layoff in a global pandemic, etc.

It’s been a lot and through that process, I grew character and began to unmask. So what if I don’t look the same as I did in 2017? I thought I looked ugly and fat in my 2017 ID photo and was ashamed. It’s just a photo on a driver’s license card. I like the person God has shaped me to be more now in 2024, than the person who was lost and far from God in 2017. Cheers to growth!

2025 Intentions

Have you ever watched one of the Top Gear UK challenges, from the good old days of Clarkson, May, and Hammond?

The amphibious cars, DIY caravans, lorry drivers, hot-hatchbacks, cheap Porsches, etc. There is one thing in common. There is a scoreboard, the points make no sense, it’s all a big laugh, and on that terrible disappointment, it’s time to end.

This is what I equate growing an Instagram was like in 2024.

I did the things. I’ve made many pieces of content across stories, reels, and posts. I’ve sewn and knit a varied amount of things. I’ve done silly trends, serious reviews, inspirational posts, filmed tutorials, recorded thoughtful voice overs, and participated in the “add yours” cards on stories.

I turned on metrics. I carefully analyzed posting times, consistently shared things to keep engagement up, took breaks to avoid spamming, carefully thought of 3-second hooks, transcribed subtitles, filmed artistic shots, and agonized over lighting. I networked, supported other creators, and tried to make genuine connections. Got burned a few times by people who only interacted with me for the follow and stopped talking to me and following me after months of supporting them. It’s tricky making friends on that platform. Connections are either amazing, lovely people, or not at all. I met several lovely people too, it wasn’t all bad.

I ended the year with higher engagement, more friends, and negative or neutral growth depending on the refresh. The metrics contradict themselves constantly. I’ve lost as many followers as I’ve gained. I’ve learned I had ghost followers who were keeping my engagement low. I also had accounts following me that left the platform through Meta’s deactivation due to idleness. It’s one of the worst algorithms, showing your followers your posts days after you share them. Zuckerberg, do better.

I ended 2024 feeling like I was on a Top Gear challenge. Meta added and subtracted points to my metrics total willy nilly, like Richard Hammond getting minus “exactly the points he had” so that he ends with naught. It was nonsensical and mind-boggling. This platform provides no satisfaction in what you accomplish.  I got one point here, minus a thousand there, 20 points for this task – yada, yada, yada.

So 2025, what am I doing with my time? What am I working towards? I am going to write more and move on from growing an Instagram account to open a shop. Not interested anymore. It’s not happening and I think it’s a blessing. Fiber art creation is going back to being a hobby. I’m not going to be a fashion designer, or a pattern designer, or a sewing educator, or a part of fixing fashion. I am going to make things I like and have fun, and share what I want where I choose for the fun of it. I have a backlog of projects that I haven’t shared here because of the distraction of Instagram. I am looking forward to writing more, new things, and celebrating the victory of finishing the Udal Cuain manuscript. Available to peruse here. I’m going to do art, I’m going to garden, to bake, learn things, and work hard. I’m excited about it. The key intention is to focus on fulfillment over productivity, and when my to-do list is crossed off to feel fulfilled, not productive.

What are your plans or goals for 2025?

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