Category: Blog

My Singer Sewing Machine Transformed the Way I Approach Sewing

This is a post of gratitude and retrospect, posted about a month too late but that’s alright. It still counts. I bought my sewing machine a year ago (plus a month) and it has transformed my workflow and productivity while reducing headaches and finger strain.

Sewing By Hand

How you may ask? Well, when I started sewing back in the fall of 2020, money was tight as it was for everyone that year, and machines were out of stock so I started sewing by hand through Bernadette Banner’s tutorials. I kept doing this for a year and a half until I was getting sick of the slow pace, eye strain, finger strain, and lack of structure when it came to making strong seams on thick fabric. My stitches were still elementary and my construction was lacking because the literal sewing process was occupying most of my time.

I’m stubborn and self-destructive in my creative process so I refused to give in and buy one until I was working on my A/W 2022 Collection. I was behind, not finishing things the way I wanted, and downright miserable. My husband who is my best friend insisted that I stop the madness and buy a machine and that’s how I ended up with my pal, Señor Senior Singer.

Why a Heavy Duty Machine?

At first, I was scared of using the machine. I have used three other machines and I didn’t understand how they worked. My mom lent me her 2010’s Brother Machine with a computer stitch function. It had a lot of error messages and broke down. My dad brought me a 1960s Sears and Roebuck machine he found in an attic, it has some serious internal mechanical issues. My Aunt Florence gave me her 2000s Brother machine that has been well maintained and through that experience I got a bit acquainted with the machine sewing process. It was still overwhelming though because I lacked the knowledge to know how to get out of a jam of thread or how to reload that pesky bobin. Don’t even ask me about thread tension or needle type, I was lost.

Through this experience I learned durability, strength of sewing, and lack of computerization was what I was looking for. I want to be able to sew through a tightly woven twill for a coat and yet have the durability to know I can sew for many years. I wanted a machine with reliability that I could count on to not have a computer meltdown during the middle of a delicate project.

Sewing Is Fun Again

A year in, I’m incredibly pleased with the Singer Heavy Duty Machine. It came with a download for a comprehensive user manual and the needles are easy to find and affordable. It has allowed me to finish projects with finesse and speed. In doing so I’ve been able to find balance in my life to write, to knit, to draw, to workout with more regularity, manage the house better and be generally less cranky and frustrated by how my time is being used.

I’m passionate about fashion and this year my desire for the craft has grown. I feel a hunger to level up my skills and create more complicated and beautiful things. The technical part of the sewing process was lifted off my shoulder by Señor Senior Singer and without the space again to get creative, I know I wouldn’t have made as many strides in design and execution as I was able to do. Because honestly, I would have quit in 2023 without the machine. I was so burnt out by the drudgery that is sewing by hand with our modern fabrics.

Thank you, Señor Senior Singer for being in my life a whole year! It’s been a fantastic ride and I can’t wait to see where we taking our sewing together next year!

#41 – Cut Out Cookies

Whenever I am feeling a bit glum, I think of baking. I learned this from my Grandma. Her mom, who lost her parents at a young age and grew up quite poor would make herself “feel” rich by baking a cake.

I think this is such a sweet sentiment to hold because baking is something you can do with a little money or a lot of money. You can make something for yourself for a little pick me up or can brighten someone else’s day. It is shareable, communal, and made with love.

Baking is a moment of connection for me. A connection through the generations. So much about our present world is different from what it has been in the past, except for food. Food bridges those time gaps.

It even bridges distance and time. As I baked last Monday evening, on the other end of the phone my sister-in-law had just finished baking her own cookies and was making dinner. It was like we were together in a shared experience.

Mixing, resting, rolling. The process of rolling the dough to a thin layer, dunking the shaped cutter in flour, and pressing a new image into the dough was timeless. I could have been four or fourteen or thirty and made these cookies with my mom. We always did every year, every Christmas time. I sent her pictures of the cookies and we reminisced about years past.

The dough, the cookie dough reminds me of meals at Eat’n Park and their free smiley cookies. It’s childhood, cozy in a bite. It makes me feel rich in memories and moments spent with people I love.

Baking is my cozy corner of retreat, cut-out cookies my warm fuzzy blanket. I think that is what makes The Great British Bake Off irresistible. What a wonderful place of solace in a gloomy world.

Thank you, dear reader, for spending time with me today. I wish you love and comfort wherever you are.

I Struggle in December

December is a weird month. I like Christmas and in the same breath, all the holiday joy reminds me of loved ones who aren’t with me anymore. The darkness of winter, the time change, and dreary gray days have felt like my mind washing over my environment when I get sad.

My grandma passed away on December 18, a few years ago now. Before she passed, our family holidays moved from being at home to being celebrated at a nursing home because my papa had broken his neck and wasn’t able to recover fully from the injury at 80 years old. The season has felt a little empty now for seven years. It hasn’t been all bad, my husband and I have created new traditions and I’ve found a lot of joy in rejecting the tradition and finding new ways to enjoy the season. Making things and being generous to others, whether in my community or social circle, has been the best way to make this month joyful for me personally.

Potato Technology’s A/W 2022 was about this exact point, I wanted to make things for the people who showered me with love and encouragement as I found my way back from grief to a new normal. The last Christmas season before the pandemic, we made cards for a local nursing home and that is still one of my favorite Christmas memories of the last seven years.

That was the same year my brother came to visit me on Christmas. We never spent a holiday together in our 26 years of being brother and sister. It was cool and also hard to process. I think there will never be enough time or enough normalcy to make my relationship with my brothers feel whole because we didn’t get the chance to have that and had to make our own traditions with our separate moms. My sister’s existence with another mom makes the entire thing more complicated, as I have been both shoehorned into that nuclear family even though I don’t belong and have been passed over for the normalcy of my sister’s two-parent home.

My dad and my stepmom don’t understand boundaries. If I put up a boundary, they tear it down. They even weaponize this time of year to make me feel guilty. Before I cut off contact it was guilt to be at their house in south Georgia for every Thanksgiving and Christmas on my dime. This irks me because they are incredibly rich compared to me and most people in my life and it’s unfair to place these financial and emotional expectations on me. Since I have cut contact because I got tired of the toxic environment, I get a reminder of my failure with a Christmas card and sometimes a present. The card used to come from my dad but as I have not done as he wished, it now comes from his wife and has become more cutting.

I’m not sure if it will come this year but it hangs over my mind as I feel grief that my dad can’t be in my life without hurting me, and if I take a step back from the dysfunction for my own sanity, I receive nasty cards reminding me how it is all my fault. Merry Christmas, you’re failing us as a daughter. In reality, the situation is complicated and I am sure at fault for things but the sheer inability to acknowledge that it takes two people in a relationship to make it or break it baffles me.

I think all this baggage could be why, I am utterly distraught that my friendship with a friend I met in college which was honestly always dysfunctional, and probably better for both of us to go separate ways, has ended abruptly. Even though I saw it coming and was honestly on borrowed time, the fact that it fell apart at this time of the year is bringing me quite low. I don’t understand how it all happened as quickly as it did. Because I’ve lived so many years now with those nasty Christmas cards, I can’t help thinking this is all my fault and that I didn’t mean much to her anyway. Which is crazy because I know that our friendship did mean a lot.

Man, this time of the year is not as holly or jolly as those songs claim. It is complicated because it can’t be perfect like the movies tell us it will be. If you are having a hard time, know that I’m here for you and I’m sending you love through my keyboard because I am not doing well either. Thank you for spending a bit of your day with me.

#40 – Crying or Laughing

What a weird couple of days. It was like a rollercoaster and now, just as Sookie asks on the ‘Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving’ episode of Gilmore Girls, “Am I crying or laughing?” After Jackson deep fries the turkey, and almost everything else, including a part of the lawn! Yeah, I felt that confusion.

It wasn’t all bad though.

Friday was actually a spectacular day! As the sun descended behind the rain-filled clouds and darkness ensconced the day Kyle and I found ourselves in a magical wonderland of lights. It was Keystone Safari’s holiday night! The entire zoo was decked out with holiday splendor, under the twinkling of lights and interludes of rain, a familiar place transformed into a magical experience. I even got to meet a Kangaroo joey!

Saturday was good too, my mom and I had a wonderful heart-to-heart that filled my heart with joy. But then Sunday came. As a believer usually, Sunday connotates peace, freedom, and comfort. This day instead, was a big bummer. A friend, I was building a strong relationship with in spite of a lot of limitations, like distance and ease of communication, well she just dropped a chaos bomb and put our relationship in a tailspin.

As a kid of divorce, messy boundaries and lack of consistency are tough, random disappearing maneuvers just plain suck. I’ve done a lot of work on my own and with God over the last five years to break free from childhood pain that was stuck to me, so that I stopped letting those wounds dictate my life. It’s tough when life just throws you a curve ball. The experience, even though we made some efforts to right the damage, raised more questions than I have answers for.

When you put a lot of effort into growing something, only to have the other person rip out your progress without thinking it through, it uproots the relationship. It makes it hard to keep those established and healthy boundaries. Your roots are shallow, although you are fighting to go deeper. I was discouraged by it.

Then Monday decided we should go another round, and I’d say Monday won. That’s okay, life is all about those unexpected moments and how you roll with it. The day started with a false alarm that our bank information was stolen. It’s quite the wake-up! A few minutes later we realized our furnace was not working. Living near Pittsburgh, this time of year can be chilly. It was 20s or 30s Fahrenheit outside, our house was going to need a heat source for sure.

It all worked out because God provided for our needs, and I knew even if the furnace never started again, there would be a way forward. The waves of unexpected problems were tiring though, after the unnecessary drama from the day before. That is where I felt like Sookie. It was 7:40 am and the day already seemed doomed to fail.

I’m learning a lot from these moments though, something I plan to dig deeper into in a future post. How do you handle those kinds of moments? Do you have a go-to thing that pulls you out of the frustration?

I tend to listen to music. This song was a go-to for me this weekend:

#39 -Bookcase

Last night my husband and I added an exciting new addition to our home, a rather large and fantastically sturdy bookcase, crafted with love by his own two hands.

It is 7 feet tall. As the pieces began to form the bookcase shape out in his shop, it was intimidating to think about how we were getting it in the house. Not because it was large beyond the doorway or Kyle hadn’t measured and planned the design to fit in our house, but instead who was going to help us carry this?

It looked heavy and ominous. Quite tall. I used to have more upper body strength from working manual labor jobs when I was younger but I lost it over time. I’ve learned that toning and building muscle seem to require more nuance than just practice and I was not doing the latter. Recently when we have carried things, my arms have been noodles, my strength as effective as trying to herd squirrels.

But I was pleasantly surprised, not because I magically became buff or someone else appeared to carry that thing up the stairs and into the house. Wall pilates came in clutch.

See there was an important building block I forgot about where true strength lies in your foundation, which is made ready through discipline. All those I got!

I mentioned in #34 – Shaping Up that I was getting serious about toning my waist for real this time. In doing so I have challenged myself to do at least one minute wall sit and one minute of planks per day. I’ve been doing this for over two months and have added wall pilates and deep-core training along the way. I’ve made my foundation strong by training my legs and my core, which blew me away last night because I think I lifted properly for the first time in my life.

It was all legs and core, my back and my arms didn’t hurt for a second. This is a first! And actually, I was able to shift the empty bookcase a bit on my own. This has shown me that like in everything in life preparation does make the difference. It’s important to keep up with my routine, even when I don’t feel like doing it because I’m busy. This training and discipline have positively affected my ability to do things before I even knew what was ahead of me! I was so relieved to be able to help him instead of having to ask my stepdad or brother-in-law.

I am quite pleased by both the results of deep core training and more importantly how lovely this bookcase looks in our house. He did a fantastic job!

Instagram Isn’t The Same

Lately, Instagram has been getting to me. It’s something that I’m not proud to admit because it sounds a bit pathetic, but hear me out. I’ve had an account since 2016 and mainly used it to share my travel memories and to experiment with photography as a creative outlet. It was fun and broke me out of my shell because it was an image, not a Facebook status update to perfect or a clever tweet to craft because I’m shy, and those social media sites honestly intimidated me.

And so Instagram was this fun creative outlet to express myself and in doing so share these creative moments with some IRL people and more often than not, new people that over time have become internet acquaintances. I found a community of people who got me when my in-person community was lacking. Later that year when I joined WordPress for the first time under the name Muirin Project I was less scared to share my writing because Instagram taught me there are people out there like me who love creating and connecting across the world. An introvert the world is your oyster type of thing, and I was pleased.

As my account has transitioned through the years through different creative projects, like world-building for Udal Cuain, watercolors, knitting and now sewing it’s ebbed and flowed and never felt like an empty void like it does now. With a focus change, I’d gain and lose followers and I never noticed a big jump or big loss until last year. When Instagram pivoted to add reels for a Tik-Tok style feed and sharing, things got a bit weird. I was in a place of discovery, figuring out what the next step should be with my newfound skills, and playing around with reels. Reels and experimentation with the creator account features opened up a new world.

Growth is Weird

Understanding SEO and the need for traffic to build a bigger audience, the platform’s push to share reels higher into the algorithm was a no-brainer as I was testing the waters of turning my sewing into a business. Reels were made and shared and some did poorly and others gained 1000s of views. For an account of 230-ish followers, this felt big, at times too big, and a little scary. The other scary thing was how there was little to no control over what would be pushed out to the algorithm and I was quickly discouraged by the performance of reels that featured projects I put a lot of work into. Reels however did grow my account and I continued to play around with them until this fall when my desire to spend the time on these little videos died.

What I noticed from 2022 to 2023 is that it doesn’t matter whether I share a photo or a reel, they don’t get shared with anyone, most importantly my friends and family. They just do nothing and it frustrates me because I’m not making them for me, I am making them for what they used to do to expand my reach to new people and share my designs with new audiences. As a creative expression, well I’m not a filmmaker and it shows.

What I did start to notice was a new trend, the creator account features became impossible to ignore. A nice little dashboard was added this year to show you, how in my case at least, my account was failing to reach people. This left me with a conundrum, first how the heck do I disable this feature and second, how much do I care about having an account with a category? I did notice that having my account as an “Artist” account limited the random inappropriate spam comments and follows but was the constant reminder of the dashboard worth it?

That dashboard affected me far more than I wish it did. As a recovering perfectionist and overachiever, this was sending me into a Paris Gellar and Amy Santiago type of spiral! This is a career change and life re-route and it has felt like nothing but failure for most of it because I feel like no matter what I’m behind. Instagram’s creator tools and reels were not inspiring me or helping me to “build my business” like they claim, it was making me feel small because of how the entire app is like a big mirror shining back things through a lens of comparison. I didn’t like nor did I want to accept the bitterness welling up inside at others’ success and achievements. It goes against what I believe to tear others down like that to build myself up. I could tell it was making not feel like myself or spark the joy of connection that it used to.

What Am I Doing This for?

In the spiral, before I figured out how to disable the dashboard and return to my public account, I began to question more than just my success according to the app but the point of why I was doing any of this? What was the point of sewing, creating, writing, etc if nothing would show for it? Should I go back to a dead-end job and find my worth within work and money so I could live the American dream of the house and the stuff? I felt like a loser and I didn’t like how much it shook me.

Because that is not where I find my worth and if you have been around the blog before or know me in real life you know that is not what I believe in.

My mom actually pulled me back into focus with incredible advice, to only create things that bring me joy. Not to create things for growth or success or gaining other’s approval, but to make things that make me happy and the joy and passion behind them will be evident to others. She challenged me to re-center back to why I am doing this in the first place because I feel like I am dying inside if I am not making, drawing, writing, and creating. I’ve been this way my whole life and to be honest the only potential wasted time was the time I walked away from all of it to be someone else and pursue a career for the sake of it in my old dead-end job. But even that wasn’t wasted because God used that time to teach me more about myself and the world around me.

Shifting Sand

This brings me to my current frustration with Instagram, the ever-changing follower count that seems more akin to sand in an hourglass than ever before. I’ve been creating for fun, in joyful and passionate waves of knitting, sewing, drawing, and writing. I’ve been doing it for the sake of doing it, not growing towards anything or having a business. I’ve been making out of love.

Because I’ve been making things out of a deep place of passion and love for the process and artistry of it, it is killing me inside each time I share something on Instagram that I am truly proud of and know that it will be followed by a trickle of unfollows after I share. Of course, there will be new people but those unfollows make you feel like crap because I feel like I shared something deeply connected to me and when I would share, in years past the unfollow trickle wasn’t instantaneous to sharing a new post. It’s like Instagram’s new format is to discourage you from using it with this new algorithm and the bombardment of ads and threads, which I can’t seem to turn off either?

Logically, I know it isn’t that deep and my art is not for everyone. I’ve been reminding myself of that a lot lately, that I can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. I think in those my sensitive artist side just feels so spurned by the world, so it will be a process to learn how to ignore it. I wish the platform wasn’t going in this direction though because those connection moments of the past were so sweet and I miss that. Not everyone was an influencer, a creator, a business, or a professional photographer there was a relaxed and fun nature to it that is missing.

The Chase or The Rock

I’m lacking gratitude, and that is the key that I am missing to feeling free from the dark cloud that hangs over us in this social media age. My account has actually grown a lot this year, far more than I expected reaching past the 400 I was hoping to reach. Recently it swung up to 470+ and I began pushing for 500 by 2024, the feeling of chasing over took me instead of pleasure at surpassing my original goal. Funny how the echo chamber of social media makes us feel less than worthy no matter what we do, and that is why I need to be more vigilant at staying focused on what matters.

As I’ve been praying about this, a random and funny reminder has popped into my mind. I think God has a sense of humor so it makes sense. There is this interview on Top Gear UK between Jeremy Clarkson and James Blunt, during one of the old news segments, where they are discussing Blunt’s tweets. James Blunt was unafraid to respond to trolls with tongue-in-cheek quips, including one about the smaller size of his Twitter account compared to other celebrities and Blunt responded, “Jesus only needed 12.” That has stuck with me because why do I feel this need to chase more and more exposure to my account and my designs, comparison. If I am supposed to become something and do something bigger than what I am doing, cannot God accomplish that with 460? He can do the impossible with even less. This is where He has me and this is what I feel called to be doing, I need to quit looking to the right and the left and keep moving forward. And honestly, kick the rest of that noise out of my mind for good.

I hope this post isn’t too long-winded or weird. This has been in my heart for a while, and I’m still wrestling with it. I’m beginning to realize that it is going to be a constant battle to stay rooted in the right perspective. Just remember that you are amazing just the way you are and have something to offer no matter how big or small your reach is. None of this social media hustle determines how talented you are, it’s as fickle as confused seas. So keep fighting!

My Fall 2023 Soundtrack

Munching on Barnyard Feed – Nubian and Nigerian Dwarf Goats

White Horse – Chris Stapleton

Red Lights – Stray Kids

Petite Engine Sounds – Kei Cars at Keystone Safari

Acoustic Guitar Strumming in the Evening – Kyle

Country Squire – Tyler Childers

Delicate Woosh of Watering my Bamboo Plant – Kitchen Faucet

The Crumbling Noise of a Chocolate Bar – Homemade Hot Cocoa

Fact Check – NCT 127

Taste – Stray Kids

Fast-Paced Machinery – My Sewing Machine

Downshifting of a Mazda Engine – Twisty Back Roads

YEPPI YEPPI – Aespa

Where You Lead I Will Follow – Gilmore Girls

Killshot – Itzy

Power Sprayer Around the
House – Home Defense Bug Spray

Hiss and Fizz of Sparkling Water – Homemade Italian Soda

Wave – Ateez

Bagels Popping Up – The Toaster

Needles Clicking – My Knitting

Queencard – (G)I-DLE

Squeaking Calls – Emus

Winnifred Yelling “Booooook!” – My Wall Sit Timer

The Sound of My Yoga Mat Unrolling – My Nightly Plank and Ab Workout

Cake – Itzy

Welcome to my Chanel – Salem Tovar

Halazia – Ateez

Electric Leafblowers – My Neighborhood

Three Chevrolet Lock Sounds – My Neighbor

Social Path – Stray Kids feat. LiSA

Scratching and Blending – Chalk Pastels

The Proof of Your Love

Yesterday I was knitting and catching up on Youtube videos when my playlist took an interesting turn. I watched two videos back to back from different creators that touched on the same message, an important message that actually prompted me to think deeply about a TikTok video and its eventual dragging by the internet. Now, I am not a fan of TikTok or TikTok culture. I think that it is changing how we interact in some harmful ways, like encouraging main character syndrome and resurrecting toxic beauty standards, but I am learning to have an open mind because of something key I learned recently that broke my heart.

A lot of people my age and younger don’t feel like they have friends and people they can count on. There is a growing loneliness and a lack of community, even though we are theoretically more connected than ever. I know that I have felt seasons of loneliness crash over me since I became an adult, and there were years when I didn’t feel like I had any friends my own age. But I was never truly alone because I had a community around me and family, I realize now that I’m older and more mature that I was incredibly blessed to have them and that having family and community and friends is not a guarantee.

Even writing that feels unnatural to me, how is being alone the default now when there are 8 billion people on this planet? We are seriously doing something wrong if this is the reality some people are facing and I want to do something about it, but I’m learning that some people think this is a joke and that kills me.

Now, people my age and younger share a lot of their lives on social media, something that is received with mixed reviews from our parents and other people older than us. It is seen as odd, opening ourselves up to trouble, or self-centered which yes, there is a main character syndrome, but honestly is that what Karens do too? So it’s a human problem to do that, exacerbated by social media, but what I learned recently is that people are sharing so much because our friendships are declining or non-existent and the only human connection some of us are receiving at the moment is sharing with our social media friends, who most of the time are people that are more like acquaintances or could be total strangers to us. Our real-life friendships are dissipating into relationships of sending reels back and forth instead of having a conversation, why are we doing this? Because we all live too far away from each other, are too broke to visit each other and for the majority of people, work a 9-5 that is consuming our time and ability to keep up with relationships.

This is where TikTok comes in again, there is a video by a creator named brielleybelly123 that is making the rounds on the internet for her honest emotional breakdown because she is feeling overwhelmed by how lonely her life has become due to her 9-5. She is a recent college grad who is working a 9-5 job that requires hours of commuting. She is far from family, and friends, and the ability to get to know new people. She is community-less and the reality that this is her everyday worries her. This is an incredibly valid feeling to have, I mean who hasn’t been overwhelmed by changes in life? We all have those moments, I did going into high school, college, every new job, and after every move to a new city I’ve made. Actually, my current town is the first place in seven years since moving out of my mom’s house and I have a friend in my town. Like a legit girl friend that I can lean on in good and bad. In those seven years, I’ve also strengthened the long-distance friendships I have with friends from college and childhood, but if I hadn’t been able to keep those relationships going, I’m not certain if I would have any friends. Which is quite bleak to think about.

We are relational beings created to be in community, to be loved, and to love. This morning when I was listening to music, this truth hit me deeply as “The Proof of Your Love” by For King and Country filled my ears.

[Verse 1: Luke]
If I sing but don’t have love
I waste my breath with every song
I bring, an empty voice
A hollow noise
If I speak with a silver tongue
Convince a crowd but don’t have love
I leave a bitter taste
With every word I say

[Chorus]
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You’re made of
How you lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love

[Verse 2: Luke]
If I give to a needy soul
But don’t have love then who is poor
It seems all the poverty
Is found in me

[Chorus]
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You’re made of
How you lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love

[Bridge]
Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
When it’s all said and done
Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
When we sing our final song
Only love remains
Only love remains

[Monologue: Joel]
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate
If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all of His mysteries and making everything as plain as day
And if I have faith to say to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing
If I give all I own to the poor or even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere
So, no matter what I say, no matter what I believe, no matter what I do, I’m bankrupt without love

[Chorus]
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You’re made of
How you lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love

The song is based on 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 which says “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

What is the point of the 9-5 grind and gaining the world if you lose your humanity in the process? And I would argue that having love is an essential part of our humanity and what makes us keep going. And so I was disturbed by something else I saw before bed last night, that brielleybelly123’s honest cry was being mocked by conservative-leaning people who claim to be believers. I’m sorry but that doesn’t align with scripture. What does align with who God calls us to be is to love your neighbor as yourself, and to serve the widows, the orphans, and the lonely. When Jesus came to live among us, he sought out the outsiders of society, the lonely ones. American exceptionalism belief of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps is in direct contradiction to what really matters, God’s plan for how we interact with each other. It is disgusting to me to be honest that people are making whole videos making fun of her, but in the same breath will claim Christ. What is the proof of your love commentators, hm?

Now I’m not saying this is easy, or that we don’t all make mistakes. I literally fall short all the time, but the important thing is that we stay on the road and keep trying so that the proof of our love speaks to something bigger than us.

A Modern Jack Sparrow Coat

I alluded to my love of pirate-inspired looks in Piratecore, Lorelai Gilmore & Sportswear Influences but to be honest, I’ve been chasing after the pirate fashion feels since watching The Pirates of the Caribbean as a kid. The movies came out at a formative time for me, I was a tween and then a teen as the first three movies premiered ( I don’t count the fourth or fifth movies as part of the franchise for many reasons, quality being one, anyway) which is a time when you begin to discover inspirations and your individual style. I remember having a Pirates of the Caribbean locket charm bracelet from Claire’s that I wore often with boots for that pirate mood. It had a skull and crossbones and a cringe picture of Will Turner, my middle school fave inside. That was the beginning of this pirate journey.

In high school, I dabbled with the skulls and skeletons, including a Flogging Molly pirate graphic tee, but I had yet to find anything that truly captured the costuming of the movie. In college, I got a bit closer with a pair of over-the-knee Vince Camuto boots that had pirate cuffs and studs down the back. Now that I know how to sew, it’s time to get serious about this, right?

As an adult, I admire the costuming of Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth Swann more than Will Turner. Particularly the costumes from the third movie, At World’s End. This poster I’ve had this since middle school and it still inspires me today, I actually used it for the basis of my coat and plan to recreate a coat dress like Elizabeth Swann wears along with an accurate Jack Sparrow cosplay at some point in the future.

At this point in time, I knew that would require in-depth research of both the historical garment and the costumes created for the movie. I would also be taking on a greater cost by sourcing specific materials like linen or duck canvas for this project along with historical patterns and additional fastenings, stiffeners, and not a lot of expertise to fall back on if something went wrong. So I decided to do a modern interpretation. Something that would have a pirate essence but would not look costume-like.

I settled on this chocolate-brown corduroy that acquired from Joann’s clearance over a year ago. With four yards to work with, I knew I could make a long and oversized coat that would be lighter in weight but could accommodate a bulky sweater or hoodie underneath. I knew I also wanted a simple fastening and toyed with the idea of a belt, which I made, and a zipper, which I prefer as the primary closure.

To figure out what silhouette I wanted, I referenced the outerwear of several Ateez music videos, including Don’t Stop which puts a modern spin on the pirate aesthetic. Kim Hongjoong was my modern inspiration for the cut of this coat, down to the epaulette details on the shoulder. I wanted the coat to be boxy and cape-like, like a modern-day pirate captain. A future goal is to acquire an Ateez compass patch to sew on the arm and complete the Hongjoong reference.

So, What Do You Do?

What’s something you believe everyone should know.

I believe that everyone should know that your worth is not defined by the career you currently do or do not have.

I wrote an essay on this subject during my post-grad meandering and I believe in this sentiment even more in the eight years since.

Growing up I didn’t realize how blessed the people in my life were because they had steady jobs at the same company. My mom worked for a civil engineering firm and then switched jobs to work at her alma mater when I was five so that she would be commuting less. My Papa had steady employment as a chemistry teacher, a defensive coordinator, a dean of students, and an athletic director. My Grandma had a well-established piano lesson business and worked a 40 to 50 hour schedule of teaching from home. Their careers were not their entire personalities but I associated them as a child with these occupations, I dreamed of being as successful as them, never thinking that a recession or slow job market was possible, I was a kid. It made sense to me that if you worked hard, developed skills, or got a degree that work would find you.

It was quite troubling to me when I put the work in and found myself failing to launch my career at 22. Two years of applying, interviewing, and finding nothing to show for it in my decaying Rust Belt region was a bit hit to my confidence, my ego, and my identity. I would dread social gatherings and new acquaintanceships because of that one lingering question. That dark cumulus nimbus hanging over all interactions – so, what do you do?

A lot of things! I wanted to reply, but any answer other than what my job title was would receive looks of disapproval like I was being immature. As a kid, adults seemed to celebrate things that you are interested in but as an adult myself, they looked at me like I wasn’t trying hard enough. That I was lazy, that I was failing. Falling behind. Nothing going for me. The conversation would either stop there or there would be more questions to get at the root of why I wasn’t where they were at 22 with a job, a house, a spouse, a kid, etc. Once I got married a little pressure came off, but then I was just a wife and unless I hinted at a due date or a new job, the same puzzled looks appeared.

Now this opened my eyes to how poorly we communicate and how shallow our relationships have become in North American society. It’s not dissimilar to how the question of “How’s it going?” or “How are you?” should only be answered with one reply – “Doing well.” or “I’m fine.” Because no one really wants to know, it’s just a greeting. A passing ship. If you answer the question with depth, that’s weird or too personal.

But we don’t have to stay in this place. I believe with each interaction we can change this on a personal level, and it starts by knowing that you are more than what you do. You are not defined by your career or your bank account, that is not where we gain our worth because we are humans and not stock portfolios!

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