Category: Blog

Looking to the Future

This July has been the first time I’ve recognized that feeling of time passing. The year is halfway over, what do I want to do with these last six months to finish the year strong?

In May, I felt like my life was done, as I knew it. Like a video game, I was done, out of hearts, out of health, game over. June felt like an exciting adventure and a respawn of my little game character in a new environment but the same life. It was thrilling and overwhelming at times, there was so much to catch up on and so much to do to begin our life in our house. July however has been this month of my brain feeling like it is in hyperspeed. Now that I have a new space to create, I also have new creative energy. That two-month break spent packing, moving, and waiting, was like a creative refresh and since then July has been a sprint.

I think some of this wild energy has been all the excitement of this month as part of the STAY fandom, this has truly been a one-of-a-kind comeback, but also I’ve been seeking distraction. My mom is walking through a health condition that came out of nowhere and in a matter of a few weeks she went from my companion packing boxes to being unable to do much physical activity without her body sending off alarm bells. I’ve never seen her like this before, and if I stop to think about it too much, I freak out.

I’ve turned my attention to what the second half of the year could bring. There have been so many wonderful things on the horizon, my friend’s wedding, my sister-in-law’s new place, Kyle’s new woodshop, the possibility of adopting a rabbit from E.A.R.S, Shakerwoods, the Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival, apple picking, Pumpkinville, etc. I’ve begun planning Christmas presents for loved ones, trying to be more ambitious than ever to push myself to learn something new in the process. I’ve also been feeling the itch to actually sell my pieces. I think it’s time, I just have to figure out where and how.

Hit the Klaxon? (G)-IDLE and Aespa Confusing Summer Concepts

Something that I noticed this summer, is that Korean girl group (G)-IDLE’s July album release ‘I Sway’ felt disjointed and didn’t land. As I watched the beach dancing sequence in the music video, I thought I was the only one, but as I’ve browsed K-Pop subreddits, I am far from the only one feeling weird about this song and era.

I saw discussions about whether (G)-IDLE’s concept was going downhill or what was going on with this album. I have been confused by what a ‘klaxon’ is. Is it a made-up word? Is it a Korean word? Why did the trailer look like the song was going to be set in a city with old cars and instead we get cringe choreography on the beach while the members dance in swimsuits that feel so unoriginal and not true to (G)-IDLE’s normal aesthetic.

It’s vaguely Californian but honestly, the beach could be anywhere? The stage performance and dance challenge shorts feature the members in lifeguard-themed outfits that look like the lifeguard hoodies you can purchase at Wings at the Outer Banks. The dance challenges feel off, not even Changbin really got into it. Which I was looking forward to, as the weird sexual choreography where they pop their chest at the “honk honk” lyric sounded funny for a boy group member to do.

I did learn, from The Grand Tour ironically, that “Klaxon” is an old-fashioned turn for a car horn. Yeah, weird. A bit too niche. Maybe if the music video was more car-focused or the lyrics had built on that theme more the theme would have meshed well with the name and the choreography? 2Baddies and Faster from NCT 127 are two examples of car-focused songs and a car-focused music video that works well, a girl group building on this theme would have been cool!

I personally find this comeback disappointing because so far in 2024, (G)-IDLE has been one of my favorite bands. Super Lady and Wife were amazing concepts that challenged the norm without being trite. (G)-IDLE for years now has been so fantastically original and pushing back against the stereotypes women navigate. Hoping this is a fluke and not a full-on concept change.

Last Summer I had similar concerns about Aespa after their ‘Better Things” comeback which seemed to bop between a mermaid water concept and a sitcom “Friends” style. It was a different song for the band too, with a slower concept, less beat-heavy. In that way it reminds me of Stray Kids ‘Lose My Breath’ music video and concept from this year. Where Aespa was less successful than Stray Kids was that they couldn’t quite blend the conflicting aesthetics and song style together into something that landed. This song, Better Things, has grown on me in the months since they released it, but it isn’t one I listen to regularly.

I hope ‘Klaxon’ does the same. What surprises me the most with these concepts is that the coconut girl, mermaid-core, beach vibes aesthetic is not landing. You would think releasing this in the summer would be a hit, but these concepts just didn’t come to fruition in my opinion and other K-pop fans.

To be fair, I still don’t like the ‘Lose My Breath’ aesthetics, it was interesting but not a favorite compared to other Stray Kids concepts and maybe that is what ‘Better Things’ and ‘Klaxon’ are suffering from. Maybe the other stuff is so good, just peak concepts, that these good but not great concepts seem like flops?

#59 – Back to Square One

I rarely do a Japanese update so close together, but something discouraging happened yesterday and my last update seems inaccurate to what I wrote now. When I began my language learning journey (to learn German), back in 2016 I chose Duolingo and it was a fantastic free option. Yes, the 5 heart health system was frustrating but they reloaded in a few hours and the amount of ads was limited. There were few bugs and it was an easy interface to use. Fast forward to 2024, when I returned to Duolingo to pick up my Japanese learning because I was stuck in a rut from the move, things were very different.

My experience this time lasted a week. A whole week, that’s it. The ads between lessons were 1-3 mins depending on how long you used the app. The more you progressed the longer the ads between lessons. The ability to practice mistakes fully moved behind the paywall. The AI voices were normal at first but then I began to notice pronunciations that seemed incorrect to what I learned other places, and a quick reddit check and I am not alone in that experience.

But then, the nail in the coffin happened. Yesterday I was taking a final lesson review to move on to the next section in Japanese, and the app and AI format truly sabotaged the learning process. I was working on a listening exercise where you have to select words from a word bank based on what the voice says. I listened, listened again, listened on slow-mo, added some words from the word bank, checked my work, added a few more, checked my work, listened again, and submitted my answer. My answer was declared wrong and I lost a heart, although my “incorrect” answer matched the correct answer they showed.

I flagged it and submitted feedback and carried on with my lesson. No big deal. I went through the lesson, this was a review to move on to a new level, so you have to complete it to keep learning, well Duolingo presented the exercise again that I “missed” to do it again. I listened again, reviewed my work, and submitted. The same thing happened and I lost another heart. I flagged it again and moved on.

But I can’t, because this is the last obstacle to finishing the review. So I try again, maybe it will be fixed now? Nope, 3 hearts down. So I back out hoping it will reset the error and I forgot it would reset instead my progress, but not my hearts. I can pay for more hearts or pay for the Super Duolingo service for 99 USD a year for unlimited hearts. I was incredibly frustrated. I didn’t have enough hearts left to practice Korean too.

The hearts now reset after 24 hours. Plus, I can’t progress in Japanese nor can I go back and review previous lessons now because the app is gamified and you need gems to practice anything not just to convert your practice to “legendary” which means they go gold and your “practice streak” is frozen for a while.

Honestly, what the heck? They’ve made it unusable unless you pay money and I’d say that the current app is questionable enough to not justify a subscription even if you have 99 USD that you can spare because this is not even the equivalent of a virtual tutor anymore. I’m pretty disappointed. Having a free app that learning and language practice at its focus was such a good idea. It was accessible regardless of your financial status and it felt authentic.

This is a sham now. The language learning app are all expensive whether its Babbel, LingoDeer, Rosetta, etc. That’s why I would try Duolingo here and there because it was free and it kept you limited by hearts but it wasn’t unusable. That is no longer true.

Now I’m back at square one. I need to figure out a way to practice vocabulary and listening exercises, which I will it was just nice to have those practice sessions at the ready. I’ll go back to my books and flashcards and develop something. I’ll also keep watching Haikyu and Coupy Camper channel.

For Korean this will be a full new adventure. I’ll obviously continue to listen to Kpop and watch Kcontent but I’m going to make some Hangul flashcards and find some Korean language learning books. It will be fine. I’m sorry this post was a bit of a downer but I didn’t want to let my previous Japanese update stand as it was. It’s no longer accurate to my learning process.

Japanese Update with a Twist: July 2024

Moving and all the little details involved with purchasing a house wreaked havoc on my routines and productivity. I stubbornly vowed that I would not fall behind on my knitting project, my sewing plans, my writing goals for this blog, my Bible reading plan, and my language learning but honestly, it did! I lost all those good habits and since then, yeah my language learning has been spotty at best.

I did a little bit of learning while at my mom’s house where I spent an afternoon reviewing my hiragana and katakana flash cards where I felt like I was being defeated by the language. I would quiz myself and make some gains, do it again, and then I would forget the ones I had remembered previously. There was no perceivable progress and I was frustrated.

Frustrated by my lack of focus and lack of consistency in my life at that point. Frustrated that my Japanese study books were stored and questioned if I should have kept them out. Worrying that I was going to lose all my progress. It was a downward spiral. When I was studying my life was still in chaos and I think it showed in my studying. My perfectionism was coming on strong instead of being willing to learn, to fail, and to keep practicing.

Once we closed, June was basically a month of hauling cubes, cleaning, and finding our life once again. But in July I began to feel the lack of habits getting to me. I had a place to work, but instead, I was prioritizing sewing, knitting, and recording the process for Instagram and the blog. Although those are productive, not having that sense of order and balance was irking me. I was pleased with how balanced I was in the spring, I was working on, creating, learning, and progressing. Instead of letting myself get bummed out, I needed to keep fighting to reclaim those habits. I’m so excited about this new home and the space it has to pursue the things I want to do. I needed to accept that this chaos was temporary and discover a new plan.

To get started I’ve been blocking out activities for focus. Laundry on one day where I balance with knitting. If I sew I tend to do it all on one day where I can stay in my sewing studio. Cleaning in the morning, and my personal projects in the afternoon. I’ve been challenging myself to be in the moment and let things be out of my control. If I forget to workout, or read my Bible, instead of making myself feel bad I’ve shifted my perspective to looking forward to tomorrow and the ability to do better.

But what about my Japanese language learning? This idea came to me randomly. I was watching a video that had to do with K-pop and the person was saying she was also learning Korean through Duolingo. Well, I remember Duolingo. It was an option I tried before and got tired of. I questioned whether I would actually learn Japanese to the level I would like and if it was a gimmick. Feeling like I needed to break up my studying routine, something to jump-start my drive and get me motivated again, I decided to re-download the app. This time I mixed up my plan though – I signed up for Korean lessons and picked up my Japanese progress from 2022.

So yeah, I’m learning both now. This probably sounds insane but I watch so much K-pop content on YouTube, particularly the SKZ Code episodes. I listen to K-pop most of the time, and I like K-dramas. While watching M*A*S*H, I realized that they were actually speaking Korean and that I was picking it up because I was already learning Korean by exposure to Korean content. So why not start the process officially?

My plan is to practice on Duolingo and then pick up actual learning books because I have learned in the past year that Duolingo is a tool to practice with but it does not replace other resources and taking the initiative to study. Duolingo has its limitations but it also has one good feature – reminders! And pre-made lessons which are such an amazing thing when you are feeling stuck. This has been the jumpstart I’ve needed for Japanese. I’ve been getting into a habit again!

The last thing that I’ve added to my learning routine is watching Haikyu, a Japanese anime about high school volleyball. It is epic! I’ve been watching it with subtitles and getting immersed in the language like I have been able to do with K-dramas. I’m so encouraged by my enjoyment of Haikyu because I would love to find more anime shows to watch.

Oh, I almost forgot – I have also started listening to J-pop through an Ateez collaboration with the Japanese boy band Be First. I’m hoping this will continue my immersion into the language so that I can improve my listening skills and pronunciation. Things are looking up and I am feeling encouraged! 🙂

Kindness in the Culture: Cottontail Cottage

The algorithm brought something truly life-changing to me, shocking right? Not because it was a product or a service or an ideology, but because it reminded me that goodness, gentleness, and kindness make the world a better place. That is what makes Cottontail Cottage so special.

Prey animals. They are animals that get forgotten by us humans, sometimes they are seen as nuisance animals to us. They dig up our yard or garden, like chipmunks, squirrels, and rabbits. They are animals that our pets discover, like baby rabbit nests, skunks, and birds, that dogs and cats interact with. They are animals that we come into collision with our cars like deer, rabbits, skunks, and opossums. We forget that we are in their space and that our urban sprawl is eating into their native homes.

The decorative plants, concrete, mowing, roads, and traffic, have changed their home forever. And yes, I understand that this is what humans do, I think sometimes we forget how to live in harmony with creation, and to take accountability for how our dominion of the land, affects its original inhabitants. (Something that America has a whole lot of failings with for both disrupting nature, but also historic nations and their societies. That is a topic for another day, that I culturally do not have the appropriate experience to speak about. But it is something I recognize.)

Learning about a small wildlife rescue, located in New York state that is volunteer-run and donation funded, was one of the most amazing things I’ve learned about. Briggette Dix and her team are dedicated to treating and rehabilitating orphaned and injured neonate Eastern Cottontail rabbits. They prioritize care that puts the Eastern Cottontail first, by not treating the rabbits in a way that disrupts their wildlife nature but allows them to heal, grow strong, and be released back into the wild.

They help Eastern Cottontails, chipmunks, squirrels, deer, skunks, birds, opossums, and even bats. They bring awareness to treating wildlife with respect and dignity and encourage healthier boundaries between our world and them. For example, encouraging pet owners to be aware of wildlife in their yard to prevent dogs and cats from stumbling upon baby rabbit nests. They treat bites, car accident carnage when animals are struck by cars, and rescue animals from dangerous situations such as birds stuck on glue traps, rabbits caught in window wells, etc.

Briggette and her team are a shining light in contrast to the darkness of our society and their generous work is something of great importance to our world. In my region, we are seeing wild animals and humans coming into closer and closer contact. Coyotes walking down city roads at night, or curling up beside cars for a night’s sleep, bears wandering into yards and Walmart parking lots, animals like rabbits, deer, skunks, opossums, raccoons, and more being at greater and greater risk of habitat loss because of out of control development.

Wooded areas and meadows are being sold off to create townhouse neighborhoods as people move out of decaying cities instead of working to fix what is broken. They are taking what little habitat we have left for these natural animals and it is not good for anyone. We all need our places to exist. We need a healthy ecosystem, which includes flora and fauna on all levels of the food chain so that nature can do its thing and we can continue to enjoy our wild places.

It’s in all of our best interests to do better and be kinder to our prey animals and their world. Encouraging kindness in the culture, I believe goes beyond just being nice to our fellow humans, it means being kind to our nature and our animals as well. They were here first and deserve our respect. That’s what the work of Cottontail Cottage is teaching me as both a soul wanting to bring change and as a supporter of their cause.

As a believer, I think it is what God is calling us to do, to care for what He made and respect it. Helping orphaned rabbits is agape love in action. How can you bring kindness into your culture?

Advertising That Promotes A Lack of Community as “Aspirational”

What bothers you and why?

There’s been this WhatsApp advertisement that has been popping up everywhere on my radar that just irks me a bit, well it’s starting to a lot the more I see it. On the surface, it seems like a harmless payday for the former stars of Modern Family to reprise their roles for a quick ad about a family group chat. But the more I watch the more I dissect in my mind and the story has a wild thesis that reflects life.

If you haven’t seen this ad, it has two stories one follows Phil Dunphy switching to an Android phone which destroys the Dunphy family group chat, the one lifeline they have to keep the relationship with adult kids alive, and as a result, everything is ruined until, they discover WhatsApp and the kids magically start talking to their parents again.

The second story features Mitch switching to an Android phone which causes Cam, Phil, and Claire to create a group chat without Mitch because his non-Apple phone is turning the chat green and not allowing them to use all the in-messaging features of their iPhones. Mitch is hurt and it is clearly played off as no big deal. WhatsApp saves the day as Mitch is brought back into the group before getting a new phone to communicate with his family.

Isn’t this wild? Like who would do that to their family members? Wait, this reminds me of being added to so many WhatsApp group chats instead of texting because I was one of the two Android phone people on my Dad’s side of the family. I thought it was so weird that we couldn’t just text…and that my brother with the Android was the only one who texted back. Oh my, it is like life.

Now weird family baggage aside, isn’t this a bizarre concept for an ad? Like in these days of hyper-division and our individualist culture, why are we creating a justification, even in jest, that it is okay to exclude a loved one from a group chat because a person chose one phone developer over another? That’s super weird. Especially for a communication app, it’s a bit crap to be honest.

Consumerism rearing its ugly head once again, is not a surprise, but can it leave our already lonely, friendship recession American culture alone? I get Meta wants to push their product and that Apple likes to promote exclusivity in their marketing but dang, this ad just bugs me. Especially with the addition of the characters of Modern Family, like, I’m sure the marketing team wasn’t thinking this deeply, but it feels like an unintentional commentary on society. Like is this the actual “modern family” in 2024 and if so can we turn this car around?

I sure hope not, but there are a lot of lonely people out there who are not being loved and cared for the way that they should be and as a culture, I think we need more connection, more ways to be a part of something. I know this is just a silly advertisement that will be done and forgotten in a few months, but what about the sentiment of division in the US? It’s not getting any better here, the events of July 13, 2024, certainly show that. And in Butler, PA, no less, not too far from here. That was eye-opening to see how the hate that is steeping under the surface is in all communities, even mine. It’s a problem we all need to take seriously.

People are getting less connected all the time, and I believe it is leaving us vulnerable to hurt, feelings of bitterness, and going through life not being able to live with purpose and love. We were created to be part of a community. We need friends, loved ones, and unconditional love. All this technology and consumerism is just creating more barriers to true connection and feelings of belonging than the ways that they improve our lives. Technology does make life easier, but it’s a toss-up for me if my life is truly that much better because I have a Samsung phone, and a Chromebook, and AI exists. You know what I mean?

I’m grateful for those moments with real people that happen offline. Like laughing so hard at a TV show with Kyle that our stomachs actually hurt. Sitting around a fire at a family friend’s house, watching a sunset and making smores and mountain pies in the fire, where time feels like it literally is standing still and I could be in 2024 or 2004. I think that’s what we need more of.

We need more people. More moments that bring joy, warmth, and memories. More core memories with people, connecting points, it doesn’t have to be special or expensive, just meaningful to you and your people.

#58 – My Favorite Summer Weather

As I was thinking about this post this scene from Miss Congeniality popped into my head because I feel like what I am about to write sounds a bit like Rhode Island and that’s okay because it gives me a good laugh.

There is this amazing breeze today, fresh, clean, not humid air that I haven’t felt in over a month, and yet on these days I feel like I’m in a portal of memory. One of my favorite things about living in Pennsylvania and a climate with four seasons is that the weather changes. Quite often actually. We get cold fronts that scream across Ohio and things change in a few hours and I love it. Especially in the height of summer, when I’m burnt out on the bright sun, humidity, and heat waves. We get one of those cold fronts, like we did yesterday and the humidity clears, the sky changes and the leaves turn over and instead of storming it looks like fall.

It feels like fall in the middle of July! Instead of dangerous storms, we get gentle rain. The clouds in their kaleidoscope gray and purple changes the light to that spooky vibe of a cozy Halloween movie. It refreshes me.

It brings me back to some of my favorite summer memories. Such as the feeling of being 17 at my summer job at Geneva College on their Paint Crew, after a stretch of painting in muggy, non-air-conditioned dorms, when finally a storm breaks through and the cold front brings this melodic rain and I watch it from inside Memorial Hall. The lighting is so spooky, it’s hard to see what I’m cutting in but I feel alive in the cool breeze. I can’t wait to walk home in the rain!

The breeze coming through the windows of my home today reminded me of the sweetness of the summer air that I used to smell at my friend Cailee’s house as a kid. They always had the windows open in the summer. As I walked into my bedroom to grab a pair of socks, I could swear I was on the second-floor landing about the help Cailee clean her room again before she got grounded. Four Harry Potter books were strewn across the floor, the first movie had just come out. Like magic, I’m 8 years old again.

What’s your ideal calendar date? Is there a certain moment from summer or a change in the weather that transports back to childhood?

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The Curse of Rusty Twill

Like a slinking shadow, the smell crawled through the air, around corners, through doorways into my senses. A stench. Burnt, rotten, the stank of a memory I wanted to forget. Alive in the darkness, its origin story, a wasteland of fashion monsters of dye. But what was it that was haunting me? Is its origin or its nightmare of an olfactory bouquet?

It began one innocent day, the day I met the monster of rust and cotton. On an innocent bolt it dared to rest its head, in the middle of the broad day, have it no decency? It was a fabric unlike any other. It called to me. Upon its skin was a color shift, a creasing of sorts that changed it from a monotone to a cacophony of lighter wrinkles depending on its movement. Oh, little fool you were then, innocent, blind. Dreaming dreams of Japanese raw denim and its way of embossing life on its fiber with wear and time. This was no Japanese denim. This cotton twill, was its foil, a disappointment wrapped in the innocence of Hobby Lobby’s fabric aisle. A devil creeping.

But our devil wasn’t creeping, it was clever. It hid its true form, pretending to be normal, a kind soul of twill and natural fiber. A fabric you can count on for pants, jackets, a workhorse, a staple. These were my dreams before the nightmare began.

Maybe it achieved consciousness? An impatient menace, you waited in my fabric cabinet as we packed up and slumbered in our storage unit as time passed by. Did you act out because you thought you were forgotten?

How could I forget how we met? It was one golden summer day, a day full of promise. A new life began in 2×4 frame and carpeted meadows that roam my floor. A washer and a new dryer. As I invited you out of your slumbering resting place, your weave was rough, and a little stuffy, but I thought nothing of it.

That was your warning sign, a marker of what you are. We walked together. I carried you down the steps. I wanted to keep you safe. Gently I washed you with my hypo-allergenic laundry soap. There were no corners cut. I welcomed you into the fabric family but this was no ordinary wash. Something changed about you in that water. You became a monster. Swampy. A whiff smacked me across the face.

In horror, I smelled the washer. A stench emanated from the room. What could it be? My mind raced – did something crawl into the washer and die? Shaking off the fear, I placed you into the dryer which was a deal with Winifred Sanderson. A cauldron of heat and dry air transformed you into a thing of scent not even a dog could love.

With the dryer’s final squeal, I plucked you from your transformation machine. A stink with strength. Fortitude and funk. Your form was different. Your threads were softer, malleable, and even toned. But your evil had spread, and with fear, I pulled towels from the dryer. They became one of your covens, in a soft amber tone. The smell, it was pungent, accosting.

Lost in thought I carried you upstairs and contemplated my fate. Was it the washer or perhaps the dryer? That old, squeaky dryer. What kind of mayhem did the dryer succumb to in its former life? Was it contagious? I shook the thoughts from my mind and tossed the towels back in the hamper, encrusted in a stench that made me question whether they were washed with soap or copper pennies.

But you, the problem, the evil in rust and twill, you, I placated with Febreze and time. I brought you back to my sewing studio and waited. Instead of getting to know the Febreze and fresh air, you woke me up to the stench of your fibers wafting from the room. You evangelized your rancid agenda and spread it throughout my room. A beast of smell, there you sat proudly, smirking at the work of your hands.

You were an enemy beyond my wildest dreams. A creature lurking in the depths of the nose. An odor I could taste, it lingered, it languished in my mind into paranoia. And that was what it was living with you after your second wash, you monster.

I tried to live with you, accept you for your true form but the stench of your dye was a war cry of all that comes from you. You lead the charge of fashion’s destruction of our peace. Rust is your form. Toxic, destructive, you had to go.

I thought you were going to win. Even with you out of my room, your smell lingered. A nightmare with no end. Burnt, acrid, copper pennies, a smell that dries out the senses like the desert of Fury Road. Why must you torment me?

You gaslit me. A smell that lived on. The towels held on to your evil. Third wash, a scream at the growing wall of your fortress. A sinister scent crept, it jumped from the towels to anything washed them with. An evil baked in. Will this nightmare end? What do you want from me? An enemy without logic but hungry for conquest.

The stench was set into the fiber of your being and I played right into your trap for revenge. Foolishly I gave you more to feed on, as I looked in sadness at the towels helplessly smelly lying on the floor. Could they be saved? How far would your campaign of olfactory pain carry on?!

Your rusty threads were a root system taking hold of me. I could feel them choking me in my dreams. A smell that could not be forgotten. A creature unwilling to die. An assassin of fiber. Mutated from fast fashion’s evil realm.

One day, when io began to lose all hope, a bright light, like a sword dropping from the heavens came to me. A plan. I hurried before you could imprison me forever in your devilish arms, running towards the light. I had to dispose of you and your ground zero stank.

With all my might, I held back your reach, your scaly hands from taking the towels with you. A splash of white vinegar. A bottle of vinegar. I drowned your sinister stench, I killed it in the name of all that is good and pleasing, fresh air rejoiced for the freedom to exist again.

Although you are dead and buried somewhere far away, I worry you’ll come back with your creeping stench. Rusty twill of my nightmares…I think you might be alive.

#57 – Home

Two months later, I’d say I’m finally settling back into a home again. As I get used to this new place, this unexpected blessing, these have been some of my favorite views. First off is the view out of my sewing room into the backyard. I like the trees, the green, the sky. It reminds me of where we used to live in Meadville before things went sideways. Moving to our current town, I liked the safety, like Stars Hollow, but the townies and their tightly wound suburban ways were not my vibe. Seeing all this green instead of houses, cars, etc, it’s just more chill, and because of that it is slowly becoming one of my favorite sites.

Secondly, is the sight of this pegboard organizer hung up and filled with sewing notions and little hints of K-pop. I’ve been waiting since Christmas 2021 to hang this up, and our house has the right kind of walls to support it. Packing up my K-pop posters and sewing tools was the saddest part of moving. I felt like I was packing up part of myself, not to be dramatic, but you know when you find something you are so passionate about and it becomes an extension of yourself? Making clothes has become that part of me. Seeing all my tools back, ready to create, it feels like home.

The third has been painting. Painting has been something we’ve wanted the chance to do again for years now, but not as a job, painting for ourselves. When Kyle and I met painting at our local colleges was our summer job and since graduating, it’s been less and less of a thing in our lives. But the act of cutting in and rolling walls is so nostalgic! I’ve wanted to go bold if I got the chance to make a house my own and this green did not disappoint me. Excited to see how the rest of the room pulls together once we’re done painting, and actually how the whole house does eventually once we paint it all. That will be a process.

Before
After

Fourth is this view from my kitchen and front porch. I love sunsets and the previous rental had obscured views from the crowded block. I’m happy to be a bit less incorporated so that the beautiful sun as it dips lower and lower in the sky can show us its vivid splendor in the sky. With these few little moments, this house is starting to feel like home and I am incredibly grateful.

To Bridget, Just As She Is: Accepting My Neurodivergence

One of my favorite scenes from Bridget Jones’ Diary is the dinner party at Bridget’s flat where she makes the blue soup and assorted congealed things. Despite the chaos and mishaps where she is authentically herself, Bridget’s friends and Mark Darcy toast her effort – “To Bridget…who we love…just as she is.”

In many ways, I identify with Bridget. I am a chaos monster who tries my hardest to not mess up, yet I do. I am a bit awkward, a bit of a goofball, I often feel out of place with who I think I should be compared to who I am if I am just myself. I spent most of my twenties trying to be someone I was not because I thought I needed to change to fit in. I wanted to succeed in life and my relationships, without getting to the root of why I felt like a weirdo.

Self-Reflection and Seeking Wise Counsel

I mentioned before that I discovered I was neurodivergent this spring because of the eclipse. I see now how poignant that timing was as my life would transform from April to July. Everything changed overnight, like everything, my relationship with my parents, my marriage, my living situation, my mental health, and the current direction of my life.

All for the better I can say with relief because life doesn’t always go that way. I see now that if I hadn’t been prepared for this season of life, things may not have changed for the better, my life could be in shambles instead.

Being unaware of my neurodivergent personality traits, caused me to feel uncomfortable, overwhelmed, and in a place of survival instead of feeling steady, relaxed, and open to the adventures life has for us. Changes seemed unbearable. Trust unthinkable. Faith was hard to find. I fought it, resisted letting go of control, and let God fully take the lead of what I was worried about.

Unbeknownst to me as to why I would need to brush up on wisdom, I felt led to study Proverbs at the beginning of 2024, and through this study, I was challenged to grow and broaden my approach to how I live life. To seek out wisdom, to prepare for things before they come in faith, to be fruitful with my time, and to guard my heart and mind from toxic patterns.

It was not an easy task, I really like wasting time and worrying about things that I can’t control. I can also be a negative person, instead of focusing on things that are positive and helpful, I’d circle down spirals of negative, snarky, toxicity. This kept me from seeing forgiveness, and being a cooperative person in my relationships, and made me too afraid to step out on faith for what God was planning for me. I needed to renew my mind!

God putting neurodivergence on my heart to look into opened so many doors, I see now, to understanding myself, my relationships, and what I truly want out of life. So as chaos descended in April, I was incredibly thankful that God went ahead of me and gave me such tools of understanding to navigate the big and scary things that were on the horizon.

Fights and Communication

A week before I learned that I was going to need a buy a house or move, my mom and I had a terrible fight. Like a really strange unavoidable fight like we were two asteroids on a crash course with each other.

At the time I was hurting and confused but through the fight, we actually accomplished huge milestones in communication. We placed new healthy boundaries and were brave enough to be honest with each other about what we needed. I was honest about my neurodivergence afterward because of the new safe space we created.

I didn’t know at the time but I had needed that safe space for a long time, over a decade, and I was going to need it immediately as my life was going to be in upheaval with the move and house-buying process.

Having my mom as my confidant, my buddy, and my raft in stormy seas, was exactly what I needed. It was incredible. From chaos to order. That’s how God works.

In the same way, understanding my neurodivergence helped me draw closer to Kyle, finally being able to communicate what I needed and how we could work together and support each other more effectively. It was something we were going to need to be able to work in sync to determine what we were going to do. If we planned to rent a new place or purchase a house, and if so, where? I can see now how all these little things were woven together to make these steps in faith easier because I sought out wisdom and prepared before the trial came.

Bridget, Just as She is

When things got tough, chaotic, and tricky for me to navigate as a highly sensitive person, neurodivergent, and struggling to navigate the change without feeling overstimulated and scared, I didn’t have to explain how I was feeling. Kyle, my mom, and Scott my dad were one step ahead and ready to catch me as I stumbled. Most importantly God was with me every step of the way, and it was incredible to feel His love through the people around me.

As we moved through the process, the move, the closing, the navigating the weird limbo between renting and buying, the move-in, etc. This wonderful, gentle landing place was there for me through the love of my family and friends and around me, the sensitivity toward what I needed. They made me feel loved and worthy through my vulnerable moments, encouraged me when I was feeling low, and comforted me when this world felt too big and too much for me.

I am forever grateful for this journey because I feel secure like I’m on solid ground again. I don’t feel like a weirdo anymore that needs to change to succeed. I feel ready for this world. Okay with who I am and not afraid to be myself because I am a little different.

I have accepted myself for who God created me to be, differences and all. My loved ones have reinforced this. I see this came together so seamlessly because I first sought wisdom, which helped me figure out what I needed from my relationships, and most importantly I learned to give my loved ones a chance to be there for me.

Letting people in is hard. It can also be incredibly rewarding. So is taking the time to encourage, accept, and support people who you love. When a community comes together, amazing things truly do happen, even on the smallest scale.

I challenge you to seek out wise counsel, self-reflection, and healthy boundaries, and find the people who love you just as you are. Be brave and let people see the real you. Be even more brave and support others, a random act of kindness goes a long way! For example on Saturday, my mom reached out and held my hand when we were in a big crowd. That small gesture reminded me that all the overstimulation I was feeling, was temporary and it was going to be okay.

Thank you, dear reader, for spending time with me today. ❤

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