Flowers from the Garden | 2025
Individuals Without Individuality
What does it mean to be an individual? Are you a person? A sum among parts? An island? A unique person, maybe? What does it mean to do things individually? What does individuality mean to an individual? I really wish this word, and its forms, weren’t so tricky to spell with my slightly dyslexic mind (not formally diagnosed, but it runs in the family). It’s a lot to digest, but this has probably been stewing in my mind for the past year, waiting for me to plate it up.
My culture is incredibly individualistic, and this is expressed in good ways and bad. One good way is that my country is a land of immigrants and indigenous people, meaning there are voices, ideas, and ways of doing things. But when there are people, there are forces of wanting to fit in, wanting to control and suppress, and prescribed ideas of the “best” way. I think this has been at the forefront of my mind because I see a vast amount of content being shared online saying originality is dead, or personal style has been killed by the algorithm. We are all core-ified or aesthetically boxed in, and social media has commodified subcultures. But it’s the internet, critiquing the internet, so we’re of course using broad, and extreme brushstrokes here.
Where my mind has drifted to is the sameness. I see people online discussing the boringness of everything from movies to the same cosmetic procedures, the bland landscape of interior design, and starter pack cliches for “types” of women. There is a sea of Petite Knit patterns, a galaxy of Marvel media that repeat the same formula, reboot television, and romantic tropes pushed by publishers and BookTok to make everything fit nicely in the digital marketing ecosystem. Then we fall into nostalgia, like recession pop, which I found myself listening to the other day, reminiscing about my first summer as a member of Geneva’s painting crew in 2010. Thinking about how different life was before I even had a Facebook.
What we talked about and the memories I made with the women and men of my team were tangible, not digital. We discovered what we liked based on environmental forces, like books assigned in school, books suggested by a friend, etc. Music was discovered and shared by radio play, recommendations from others, and shared playlists that your friend curated, not the music streaming platform or the algorithm. I thought a bit less about my appearance, I mean, in adolescence, you are quite aware, but not as much as the smartphone era has brought attention to the physical image of ourselves. I had fewer pictures, grainier pictures, but more memories. Strong memories are tied to tangible things, like songs, food, books, buildings, and movies. We were all very different from each other, yet we could find commonality, and this is where the gears in my mind started turning.
We were part of a group, but had individuality. Yet, nowadays I feel more like I’m in a void, of no commonality, except for how everyone is into the same things, and wears the same clothes, yet we are not connected, communicating, nor would I even consider that despite our shared things we are on a team or part of a community. It’s hollow.
I think we are missing the point of life. We are not working towards something together. We are not part of communities. We are part of aesthetics. We have become fans not of art or sport but of corporations like Target, Lululemon, Sephora, Stanley, and Tesla. Well, probably not Tesla anymore. Target is also being boycotted, so…anyways. Apple, Alo, Rhode, Kate Spade, Trader Joe’s, Labubu. That’s more 2025, phew. Why are we stanning companies? Why are we considering shopping for a hobby? This is not a way to connect; it is a way to consume and drown in stuff instead of substance. Our roots are becoming so shallow, and our debt is vast; we are plants choked out by the weeds of hyper-individualism. We have let originality become a thing achieved not by character formation and real-life community, but by the path of purchase. Purchases for ourselves. It snuck in so fast, I didn’t realize how the art of gift giving has become a self-care checklist. Yikes! It wasn’t until playing Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing: New Horizons that I was struck by how topsy-turvy my own culture has become. Our priorities are whack, and I believe it has made us lonely, shells, devoid of individual thought, buying our way to “happiness” because all we think about is our individual needs above all. We have forgotten that humans are fulfilled by the relationships and communities we are rooted in. It’s time to break the spell.
My Spring 2025 Soundtrack
Turning grass into unearthed soil – The Tiller
Chirping – Robins
Battleground – Stray Kids
K.K. Oasis
A cut hitting rock – The Shovel
A trickle of water – The Rain Barrel
Staple Jam – The Upholstery Stapler
Cutting Fiberglass Screen – Utility Knife
Slingshot – Nmixx
Glug Glug – Watering Can
Coughing – Garden Tone
Disgust and Fear – The Big Earthworm
K.K. Adventure
My Place
Stalling on Tall Grass – The Mower
Booms that Shake My House – Tannerite from Reckless Community Members
Ice Cream Cake – Red Velvet
Cinema – Lee Know & Seungmin
Humming and Cool Air – The Window A/C
Shock and Gasp – Acid Reflux in the Middle of the Night
Great British Bake Off Theme
Know About Me – Nmixx
Buzzing of Bees
Mia Pulling on the Carpet – Bunny Teeth
Frustration, Fear, and Worry – Trump’s Non Stop Executive Orders
Autism Awareness Content – Fighting The RFK Jr Ignorance
Beginning My Study of Van Gogh
The other day, I ran across Van Gogh’s work again and I went down a rabbit hole of researching his work and soaking it in. I saw his and other artists I admire at the Musee d’Orsay in 2010, and although no pictures were allowed those memories have carried with me. So it got me thinking, would modern life be more beautiful to us again if we saw the world through the eyes of these artists of this movement?
That’s what I plan to explore this year. This drawing above, captures the view from my sewing room. With modern infrastructure and other touches erased by the magic eraser tool to keep the analog and the natural.
#71 – Caramel
Luscious, warm, a decadent note that makes a dessert sing in perfect harmony. I used to crave this in candy bars, a Twix, or perhaps a scoop of Bruster’s Chocolate Turtle ice cream.
The Great British Bake Off opened my eyes to Banoffee Pie and the simple luxury of making a caramel without instructions. The process is a beautiful as the finished product. A melting sugar and butter, finished with cream.
The Caramel Macchiato taught me what coffee can do beyond ice cream sundaes and candy confections. It can be comforting, a delight to grab between classes, or an awful first job.
But how does one enjoy something they can not eat? I’ve been stumped on how to recreate this treat since my dairy-free lifestyle began, until I picked up a pint of dairy-free Phish Food from Ben & Jerry’s. It had the marshmallow fluff (which I discovered I could eat again this past winter) and ribbons of soft caramel. Caramel that tasted like the real thing.
I began to search for knowledge on blogs and Reddit until I found a recipe so simple I had to give it a try.
- 1 can of coconut milk
- 3/4 cup brown sugar
- 1/4 tsp kosher salt
It was so simple. Melt the ingredients together on medium-low, then boil and reduce for 20 minutes. Let cool in a glass jar and store in the fridge. I made it last night and it was marvelous!
I found Vanilla Bean Oat Milk ice cream at the store for a sundae, and bam, I was a kid again, making an ice cream sundae with my grandparents on a summer evening.
What is a flavor that takes you home? Is there a food you haven’t had in a while that will comfort you in these trying times? Make it, your inner child will thank you.
Nine O’Clock
I have a standing date each night. I hurry myself to keep the pace if I see the clock begin to click out of my grasp after my shower. Sometimes I feel like doing my skincare is a chore, I’ll skip the lotion on my limbs or let my hair dry as it pleases if I think I am running behind. As the months pass, I feel the wonderful weight of this schedule, something that was a number on a clock face is now an important engagement with my bunny.
It started slowly, maybe a coincidence? After my shower, I’d walk down the stairs to look for Mia. It was a greeting, then it became a moment on the floor. Now, it has grown into a tradition, an expectation that I will get settled and sit on the floor. I can do some things, other petting Mia, but it must be done from the floor. I can play a little Animal Crossing, one-handed, or find a video to play as background ambience. She’s not a fan of K-pop, though she will tolerate a girl group, with impressive vocals only.
I used to coax her over, after I sat on the floor with a little wiggle of my hand. Recently, she’s been waiting for me in the doorway. Her tail wags, her little body binkies when I open the gate, and last night I could barely find a spot on the floor with her zoomies encircling me. With how rocky our start was, did I ever think Mia would greet me with such effervescent joy? No, I truly thought we would have a distant and tense relationship. Instead, last evening, after 30 mins of pets and snuggles, she flopped next to me, waiting for more pets. She is safe here, and I feel the safety in the silence. The contentment of being with her, the love that is felt in her presence, and the tempo she creates to slow down and breathe.
The greatest thing you’ll ever know, as Nat King Cole wrote in his song “Nature Boy,” is just to love and be loved in return. This line is a key theme of Moulin Rouge, and Bowie’s version of this song was my first encounter with is this song. It’s what I think having a bunny is, to love and be loved in return. I feel her love in her morning greeting, no longer greedy for breakfast for pets, but instead trusting me that food will always be there, she runs over to say “Good Morning.” It’s a celebration of another day, another gift of life, and another day spent with the ones we love.
(HOP) SKZ HOP HIP TAPE: a Patchwork Quilt of Music and Family
This album was a slow burn for me, as I expected after it was released on December 13, 2024. I was still enthralled with Stray Kids’s recent Japanese release, Giant, which was released on November 13, 2024. This was on the heels of their collaboration with Tom Morello and Young Miko for Arcane’s Season Two Theme, “Come Play” which was released in October 2024 before the show’s release. “Come Play” was the crescendo of soundtracks being released in the fall for Stray Kids with “Night” and “Falling Up” announced for season two of the anime, Tower of God.
But this was two months after we in the STAY fandom were processing the quiet release of “Slash” for Deadpool and Wolverine’s soundtrack in August 2024, a month after their July 2024 release of ATE. ATE was their big release of the year so far after months of waiting for an album after the drops of “Lose My Breath” and “WHY?” a soundtrack for the J-Drama Re:Revenge being released in the first quarter of 2024.
Did I mention this was a busy year for Stray Kids and their listeners? In this year of endless highs, Stray Kids announced their contract renewal a year ahead of the deadline, confirming that all eight members would stay at JYP Entertainment, making music together for years to come. It’s fitting then, that the last release of the year “HOP” was a title with a little wordplay, using the Chinese Hanja character “Hop” which means unity. In K-Pop, groups come and go, just look at New Jeans (2022-2024) and their possible disbandment after leaving ADOR. Contract renewals by all members to the same label are not guaranteed, look at the current state of Blackpink with each member taking their solo careers to various labels.
There is also the logistics of Stray Kids being a boy group with 6 out of 8 members being Korean citizens heading into their mid-twenties. Mandatory military service completion looms, which comes with a period of complications for music production, tours, and storytelling. Currently, BTS is completing their military service as a group (J-Hope and Jin have completed their service as of writing this). NCT 127 is following a different path, sending their members in a delayed fashion, (currently their leader Taeyong and member Jaehyun are completing their service) while the remaining members have released an album and performed tour dates. Although the military service question comes up a lot in K-Pop fandoms, more than I think we should dwell on it, the impression “HOP” and Stray Kids’ contract renewal left on STAYs I would say is like a comforting hug.
I didn’t understand this fully until Stray Kids’ account shared moments from their SKZ 5 O’Clock fan meet where the members performed each other’s solo songs on stage. What does this have to do with SKZ HOP HIP TAPE? Well, HOP was different kind of album from their usual format. On a Stray Kids’ EP or full album, there is usually a title track or several and then B-Sides with all eight members or songs performed by sub-units, affectionately called Rachas. For example – 3Racha (Bang Chan, Changbin, HAN) is their production unit and rapline, vocalracha (Seungmin, I.N.) supply lead vocals, and danceracha (Lee Know, Hyunjin, Felix) the lead dancers of the group. Instead of following this format, HOP is more like a patchwork quilt in my opinion.
- Walkin’ On Water
- Bounce Back
- U (feat. TABLO)
- Walkin’ on Water (HIP Ver.)
- Railway (Bang Chan)
- Unfair (Felix)
- Hallucination (I.N.)
- Youth (Lee Know)
- So Good (Hyunjin)
- ULTRA (Changbin)
- Hold my hand (HAN)
- As we are (Seungmin)
These solo songs, the members perform on tour through solo stages, were songs I was not sure about upon the first listen. Instead of appreciating the music, all I could think of was – is this the end of eight as one? Is this signaling them “growing up and growing out” of their collaborative style?
How silly is that? But in 2025, in our current friendship recession and drought of healthy communities, having deep friendship feels like something you have to “grow out of” to become a lonely “successful” adult. I think it says more about my life and my culture more than the album, to be honest. (Am I okay?) But then, I listened to the album again. And again. I watched the craftsmanship of the music videos and dove into the lyrics and I was impressed! The layers of talent – vocal range, dancing ability, lyricism, concept, etc. Each song has a personality unique to the member, you can clearly see them in the song but you can also feel Stray Kids in each song too.
This is not how I would describe most K-pop solo releases. Take NCT for example – Taeyong has released two EPs, Shalala (2023) and TAP (2024) which are not NCT 127 music. They showcase Taeyong and his unique talents – dancing, vocal range, and visuals. Mark of NCT 127 has released two singles, 200 (2024) and Fraktsiya (2024) which are again vastly different from NCT 127’s musical style. 200 is a casual love song and Fraktsiya is a rap focused song. Yuta of NCT 127 released an album in 2024 that deviates into J-Rock to celebrate his Japanese culture. Blackpink is another example of this, with Rose, Lisa, Jennie, and Jisoo going in completely different directions where they feel like different artists from their Blackpink performances.
For Stray Kids, their solos have range but through their 5 O’Clock Fan Meet performance swaps, it showed me that these songs are fully solos and fully Stray Kids which makes me interested in what the future holds. Will they release solo albums? Will they do sub-units? Will they do these solo mix tapes, like SKZ Replay of 2021, that featured previously unreleased solos and subunit songs? I think they truly just love creating, producing, and performing in an organic way that is synergistic in an unforced way. It’s like a harmony, even when they do their own things, they are still part of the whole without losing themselves. It is a family, a beautiful patchwork quilt, it is as the name “HOP” declares, unity. They do their own thing and some people hate it, but I love it. I’ve never had a band bring me as much musical joy as well as a sense of community as being a STAY.
All the releases of 2024 felt like a present for the fans, each one more exciting than the next, and that is why I think at first HOP did not grab me. There was an embarrassment of riches, too much to process, appreciate, or focus on. Three months later, I see the wonder of it all and hold HOP in regard as a unique experiment I’d enjoy listening to more of. They are always working on something new, what will 2025 hold? I look forward to finding out.
#70 – The Cold, Patience, BBC Pride and Prejudice
This winter, it’s wildly beautiful with it’s near constant snow accumulation (uncommon for where I live) and icy drops in temperature where we spent a month or so below 32 Fahrenheit. These rhythms of snow, ice, and cold fronts entering the atmosphere on a Friday and lasting all weekend led to many weeks of waiting, being still, escaping to my Stardew Valley farm. Waiting for the winter to pass, knitting away my boredom.
Time Passing Marked By Candles
We made a balloon arch for my birthday, a Brooklyn 99 high honor, and I decorated the living room with Stardew Valley garlands, making the time lost to snow and ice marked with something to remember.
In this waiting, I’ve had unwelcome house guest of Winter, the lingering cold. I had a troubling cold over Christmas, with sinus pain that kept me awake through the night. I thought it was gone as we entered January but I realize now the cold retreated but hovered in the shadows throughout the long mid-winter until Valentine’s Day when it re-animated and gave me some of the worst congestion, ear-aches, and sinus pain I can remember. I couldn’t lay down without the sinus pressure pain building, I couldn’t sleep. I felt miserable.
The Grim Night
I think the hardest part of feeling sick is the mental part. The patience to do nothing, and let go of the goals in your mind. It’s boring! There was a few days of utter boredom. Knitting felt like too much, taking naps would trigger the sinus pain, and I remember feeling useless, empty, and void of joy.
I felt deeply frustrated. Why was I going through a second round of this? Why is this happening to the point that I can’t write, or work on my projects, I can’t even keep up with my share of the housework. How long until I feel normal again?
When we lack health, it is the only thing we crave. It truly is more valuable than money. As I go further into adulthood, I growing in appreciation for the little things like health, a boring day where you feel great, and you tend to forget this feeling looking back on it. It blends with the others, but those ordinary moments are what give us such rich life.
Like those mild days of the year, those 60s or low 70s and sunny days, they blur in the background of the weather extremes, but really those days were probably the most mood boosting of the year.
Shall the Shades of Pemberly Be Thus Polluted?
One of the few things that gave me joy during that week of sickness was BBC’s Pride and Prejudice 1995.
It was my first watch. I’ve read the book and watched the 2005 version, but this series had escaped me. I think I put it off because I though it was a hipster scheme. How could this one be so much better than the 2005 movie? With its soundtrack and cinematography? The hype was real, it’s spectacular.
It’s a series I could watch again, and again, for those nature shots and the beautiful furniture. The costumes are true regency in design, compared to the 2005 version. Each character is flushed out like book and it is simply a treasure. 😍
Nothing Nice to Say
February and January to be honest have been a challenge for me creatively. I haven’t known what to write about without it sounding like I am complaining. There is a lot of crap going in the world and it’s been a struggle for me to keep my eyes fixed on the good.
When I’m in this mood, like I was during our house buying process in May 2024, I struggled to write on here as well. I didn’t want to complain and also didn’t feel inspired because of the distractions. And so, time passes.
In this time I’ve been listening, reflecting. I’ve been enamored by the latest Bible Project series. I’ve been waiting for the final blow for Joann’s which happened. I’ve been researching new sources of yarn and fabric, keeping my eyes and ears open for new brands to fill the void.
I started reading again – beginning with an attempt to re-read Crime and Punishment which I shelved for now after Semyon Zakharovich Marmeladov‘s long rant in the bar. I was feeling too sick at that point to envelope myself in that misery and pivotted to Six Crimson Cranes by Elizabeth Lim.
I have filled my days with the soundtrack of Aespa, Stray Kids, and Red Velvet. We even started a new K-drama, Crash Landing on You, which I’d like to write about along with Business Proposal and Extraordinary Attorney Woo.
We’re re-watching Only Murders in the Building and laughing our way through Impractical Jokers. All the while I’ve been working on several knitting WIPs that I look forward to sharing! Along with a Mia update, she is one happy bun, and has become a cuddly little friend who desires our company. My heart is full. 🥰
I hope wherever you are in the world, you are feeling healthy, loved and know how much I appreciate you, reader, who spend time with me here. I wish you a lovely weekend!
A New Project ft. Kyle
When my husband (Kyle) and I bought this house, we were looking for a place that would provide enough room to have a garden. We wanted it to be flat, have good sun, a little shade, and offer room to build the garden we have been planning for years. In our first apartment, we grew shamrocks and a tomato plant with varying results.
With each new place we moved the garden grew bigger. At our place in Meadville, on a steep hill of a plot of land, we bought a Green Stalk system to maximize our vertical potential. In the house before this one, we created a garden of containers utilizing totes we had from moving and five-gallon buckets. It was better but not the best it could be.
We craved something less plastic, more grounded. And so with 2025 spreading out before us, we have been planning a new project – an in-ground garden full of plants selected carefully, but Kyle can share more details about that in his own words.
I’m excited to read his thoughts here as a contributing writer because his passion for gardening has taught me so much in our 11 years together. As I mentioned in my very first post, this blog is a little of this and a little of that. I’m excited to share more about life beyond the yarn and the thread, it should be inspiring scenery for sketching! Which I have not done since we moved but I am craving to do once again. Here’s a snapshot of what we grew in our container garden several years ago. I hope you will join us on this adventure. 🙂
2025 Intentions
Have you ever watched one of the Top Gear UK challenges, from the good old days of Clarkson, May, and Hammond?
The amphibious cars, DIY caravans, lorry drivers, hot-hatchbacks, cheap Porsches, etc. There is one thing in common. There is a scoreboard, the points make no sense, it’s all a big laugh, and on that terrible disappointment, it’s time to end.
This is what I equate growing an Instagram was like in 2024.
I did the things. I’ve made many pieces of content across stories, reels, and posts. I’ve sewn and knit a varied amount of things. I’ve done silly trends, serious reviews, inspirational posts, filmed tutorials, recorded thoughtful voice overs, and participated in the “add yours” cards on stories.
I turned on metrics. I carefully analyzed posting times, consistently shared things to keep engagement up, took breaks to avoid spamming, carefully thought of 3-second hooks, transcribed subtitles, filmed artistic shots, and agonized over lighting. I networked, supported other creators, and tried to make genuine connections. Got burned a few times by people who only interacted with me for the follow and stopped talking to me and following me after months of supporting them. It’s tricky making friends on that platform. Connections are either amazing, lovely people, or not at all. I met several lovely people too, it wasn’t all bad.
I ended the year with higher engagement, more friends, and negative or neutral growth depending on the refresh. The metrics contradict themselves constantly. I’ve lost as many followers as I’ve gained. I’ve learned I had ghost followers who were keeping my engagement low. I also had accounts following me that left the platform through Meta’s deactivation due to idleness. It’s one of the worst algorithms, showing your followers your posts days after you share them. Zuckerberg, do better.
I ended 2024 feeling like I was on a Top Gear challenge. Meta added and subtracted points to my metrics total willy nilly, like Richard Hammond getting minus “exactly the points he had” so that he ends with naught. It was nonsensical and mind-boggling. This platform provides no satisfaction in what you accomplish. I got one point here, minus a thousand there, 20 points for this task – yada, yada, yada.
So 2025, what am I doing with my time? What am I working towards? I am going to write more and move on from growing an Instagram account to open a shop. Not interested anymore. It’s not happening and I think it’s a blessing. Fiber art creation is going back to being a hobby. I’m not going to be a fashion designer, or a pattern designer, or a sewing educator, or a part of fixing fashion. I am going to make things I like and have fun, and share what I want where I choose for the fun of it. I have a backlog of projects that I haven’t shared here because of the distraction of Instagram. I am looking forward to writing more, new things, and celebrating the victory of finishing the Udal Cuain manuscript. Available to peruse here. I’m going to do art, I’m going to garden, to bake, learn things, and work hard. I’m excited about it. The key intention is to focus on fulfillment over productivity, and when my to-do list is crossed off to feel fulfilled, not productive.
What are your plans or goals for 2025?
One Rabbit Riot 