Category: about me

Pretty Sakura. Maybe I do Enjoy Pink? Reclaiming Girlhood.

The title of this post is actually a haiku, in honor of the post’s subject, Sakura. Sakura also known as cherry blossom in Japanese, has significance in Japanese culture. What the Sakura represents is a contradiction, the cherry blossom season, although beautiful is fleeting and represents life and death, beauty and violence.

Significance of Cherry Blossoms

As Sakura season marks the beginning of spring a season that celebrates new life and vitality the cherry blossom’s life span is quite short, reminding us that life is fleeting. It is a beautiful yet poignant message that is wise and to be honest, a message that I don’t see discussed much in the West unless it is through unserious dark humor, doomsday-type rumblings, or in the Christian faith where we remember that our time on earth is breath compared to the eternity with God.

Life as a fleeting concept is not highlighted as much in America. We seem to have a false sense of prosperity, invincibility, and unwavering desire to plan for the future our culture demands we are owed – wealth planning, retirement, endless health, etc. But truly we are more like the cherry blossom than the rocky mountains.

This deep and beautiful concept has sparked my interest in cherry blossom season in Japan and Korea for the wise sentiments of the cherry blossom season. It has helped me look forward to Spring which in the past, has not been a favorite season for me. Animal Crossing New Horizons brought this full circle with the joyful way the game brings the season to the player even if you don’t live near cherry blossom trees. The game envelops you in the pink splendor of the Sakura while giving you a mission – collecting cherry blossom petals to craft into cherry blossom recipes – wallpaper, flooring, umbrella, picnic set, bonsai, etc. It’s so fun and it’s helped me appreciate this color palette.

Feelings Toward Pink

I’m not sure if I’ve ever loved pink. I’ve been a purple girl and I wonder if my dislike of pink came from a stubborn moment from childhood. I appreciate the design and beauty that my mom created by coordinating our third-floor “suite” at my grandparent’s house in a color palette of pinks and greens. She mixed wallpapers, textiles, and carpets to create this cozy and cute little world that I can see now was a little floor of happiness. She put a lot of effort into it. As a kid though, my friends were able to choose the design of their rooms and I was annoyed that I didn’t get this chance, instead of being grateful and appreciative, I decided that I hated pink. All pink. I’ve held this opinion for 20+ years I’d say, which is honestly insane! Past self you were truly salty!

I’d say the Barbie pink and the bimbo and mean girl association with pink reinforced my dislike of this color. It was a color that was demonized and treated as frivolous feminity, and an enemy to third-wave feminism in the 1990s which was the culture girls my age grew up in. It gets tied up with being “not like other girls” something that was an easy trap to fall into in the 2010s. Basically, I took these opinions in and let them inform my feelings of a beautiful color instead of seeing it for what it was, just a beautiful color that appears everywhere – the sky, flowers, fruit, etc. It’s ridiculous to write off a color.

Maybe it was K-pop girl groups? Maybe it was millennial pink? But slowly as I’ve entered my thirties, pink is no longer an enemy. Animal Crossing has provided a way to play around with pink, in decor and clothing. My little character looks so cute in these pink looks and her house is filled with joy when I use pink accents. It’s not scary, it’s not frivolous, it’s fun.

Electra Dashwood’s Positive Influence

I think Electra Dashwood’s style has been a huge help to me in associating the color pink, specifically the light Sakura pink with positive feelings because of how she decorates and styles her world with this rosy shade. Her content is filled with light, kindness, and warmth. It is an example of pink in a positive way. So much so that when I brought a poetry notebook (ahem, very much influenced by her poetry journal habit) I bought a light pink one with cherries that are in the shape of hearts. A very aegyo (cute display in Korean) choice!

In my thirties, I have learned into what makes me happy, kawaii things. Kawaii means cute, tiny, or loveable in Japanese, and is similar to aegyo in style. I have been gravitating towards this kind of style because it makes me feel less like the world is depressing. It reminds me that we can seek the light, the hope, the goodness out in our world. It’s kind of like the fixation cute things have on strawberry milk right now. It’s pink, it’s cute, I’m not sure what makes it bring so much joy to the world right now, but it’s really cool.

I’ve started buying pink accents for my workspace like a pink sewing machine mat with a matching pedal mat, a kawaii light pink dust pan with a winking face, not to forget I have begun sewing with pink fabric. I’ve been gravitating towards girlier patterns and hues, including bows which I credit to the blokette and coquette aesthetics becoming popular last year which brought them to my feed. K-drama protagonists and K-drama fashion have a cool yet feminine vibe that has made these girlie accents inspiring to me. I feel like I am reclaiming girlhood in my style instead of being afraid to join in.

Have you ever disliked a specific color? Have you seen the Sakura in real life?

A Cup of Wisdom Warms the Heart

“Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence. The fear of the LORD is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor.”

Proverbs 15:32-33 ESV

Doesn’t that sound like something Uncle Iroh would tell Prince Zuko in their quest to catch the Avatar? That’s what I thought of when I read it. A lot of my reading through Proverbs so far has similarly struck me. I will be reading a chapter, line after line of little tidbits of wisdom in the style of literature Solomon seemed to favor, that at times feels sing-songy like a bit of Shakespeare, and then “BAM!” I’m caught in my tracks by the profoundness of what the line of poetry just said. In those moments, I think of Uncle Iroh. I think anyone who is a fan of Avatar the Last Airbender, wishes they had an Uncle Iroh in their life because people like Uncle Iroh seem few and far between.

I think that’s why the loss of my grandparents feels like such a hole in my life, a vacuum of wisdom. I love my mom but it isn’t the same kind of relationship, there isn’t that well of wisdom that flows into our conversations because there is a different approach to life she follows. It’s a well-developed, rich, sort of wisdom that can only come with hard work and deep study of wisdom itself. They had that and they shared it willingly, sometimes to my chagrin as like young Zuko, I didn’t want to hear it.

And like Zuko of season two learns, the echo chamber of losing the voice of reason in your life is way more frustrating than hearing hard truths that mirror your own folly. It is irreplaceable. I miss their wisdom. I miss the surrounding of elders and wise people who seemed to be around me in childhood but seem harder to find with age. I think there is a passing of the torch so to speak whereby aging you are supposed to grow, change, and dwell with the wisdom of life to pass on to others and that transition can sometimes feel like you are treading water.

“If you look for the light you can often find it. If you look for the dark it is all you will ever see.”

Uncle Iroh

Growing older is odd. I never thought I would miss reproof and instruction but I do.

In the spirit of both the verses from Proverbs and the quote from Avatar the Last Airbender, the only way to fix this void is to look deeper and further to continue to seek out good influences in my life, and ways to be challenged to never settle who and where I am now, but to push further to find the well of wisdom and in turn be a well of wisdom to others.

Where do you go to find wisdom? Is it a person? A belief system? A text? Have you continued to seek after it, even crave it as you have gotten older? Have you been able to be an Uncle Iroh to someone in your life?

#48 – Craft Paper

An item that I added to my sewing tools in 2024 is brown craft paper and it has been a game changer! It’s not only transformed my creative process but has helped me create new garments that fit me better with less fabric waste. How cool is that?

Learning is Hardwork

As with every new skill, the first phase of creating is messy and full of flaws, this was my creative process. You have to start and in starting you are an imperfect sewist, fitting and pattern cutting are tricky and this really bothered me to accept. I like getting things right the first time. Learning to accept that this was going to be a journey, was frustrating at first. I have a vision in my head but I can’t always execute the vision at this stage. These things are part of the learning process, like using existing patterns to learn the techniques and accepting that things are going to fit poorly until I can learn to tailor them. Which is happening! With each garment I make, I can see a progression toward the goal, slow and steady but still moving forward.

But there has been a process I did not expect and that is making pieces with my silhouette and my body type in mind, not just my measurements. Things I want to make may not look fantastic on my proportions. That was a time of trial and error in my creative process that I wasn’t expecting because when you go to a store and try on clothing, the design decisions are already made and you only have to decide on which silhouette you would like to choose. But with fashion design, self-drafting patterns in particular, I realized what was going to make me happy was experimentation. Trying a little bit of everything and playing around with different styles to see what I liked and what looked good on my body.

Sometimes just an inch here, a lowered line there, a rise adjustment, or nipping in a shoulder can transform a project from a flop to a success. It’s subtle yet effective and a skill I see you are only capable of learning from experience, either from your own by the process of being self-taught or from the instruction of more skilled designers. It is sculptural, artistic, and honestly sometimes like architecture or construction. It may be fabric and tread but the same principles apply. The foundation is crucial, and the foundation of any garment is the fabric and how you cut it.

Enter the Craft Paper

How do you replicate a project that works? You need a template, a jig, or a blueprint. A pattern. I thought that understanding the dimensions alone would suffice when I am cutting, but there is nothing like having the template to keep my cutlines accurate for curves and hem allowance. It takes the guesswork out of this process which if you are cutting blind is like a chess match with the fabric and your memory of what you have made before. It’s too difficult so I needed to work smarter and make my own pattern pieces out of paper. There were two tops that I had designed that fit me quite well out of a stretch knit and before they were properly sewn together, I took the pins out and traced them onto my craft paper.

Two bodice types – one scoop neck, one v-neck, and one sleeve template. From this inexpensive paper I have found a cipher to make things with more finesse. A tried and true bodice and sleeve that can be used for tops or dresses. A foundation to build upon that has streamlined my making process. You don’t have to be an expert at your craft to make a template, I thought I had to reach mastery before I was worthy to do this, it is simply part of the making process to make things with excellence in mind.

Fix On

I’ve watched a few creators for too long without questioning why “good enough” was their motto. I in turn also fell back on this type of approach to my designs as I learned because learning is hard work. Striving to be better is not fun, it’s maintaining a critical eye and raising your standards for yourself. In this sewing journey of learning and making, instant gratification and impatience are my Achilles heel. I want to do things quickly because everything is done quickly now. I get stuck in that loop of making more, making faster, chasing after goals, and feeling left behind because I am still not selling my patterns or garments, still.

But “good enough” is fine for Youtubers who have an established brand and following, but that’s not going to get me anywhere near my goals of design. I have to continually “fix on” as Mingi says, to the goal ahead and stop paying attention to what others have done to achieve their success. They are already in that space and that is the path their life has taken, I have to find my own thing and continue to work hard.

I’m sharing this to encourage you dear reader to not settle and to challenge yourself to be your own person. I believe that God gave you unique talents and has a plan tailor-made for your life so fight the hive mind of our current world and do the strange thing – work hard, strive for excellence, and be uniquely you! I hope that wherever you are today you remember that you are special, you are loved, and that you have potential for excellence. No matter what has happened in your life and how gray the skies are above you, there is still hope for a future.

A Pearl, a Girl, and an Oath

Write about your first name: its meaning, significance, etymology, etc.

My name Margaret, and middle name Elizabeth were chosen by my mom for her maternal grandmother, Margaret Elizabeth.

As a kid, I truly didn’t enjoy my name. Especially at roll call or meeting a new teacher, there was the Margaret haze that hungover the introduction. My classmates found it to be a funny, old lady name and in response I refused to go by it for years.

It was Maggie or Magz. I couldn’t see the beauty of the gift of the name. It wasn’t a curse, it was a connection to the past.

With maturity, I’ve grown to truly appreciate this name. I’m honored to carry both Margaret and Elizabeth of my great-grandma and grandma. I’ve discovered since those school days that I like being unique. I don’t meet a lot of Margarets. I’ve also had the opportunity to learn that I am a lot like Margaret Elizabeth I and Elizabeth. They both had a passion for sewing, and that has carried down to me.

I researched that Margaret traces back to Old Iranian and means pearl, and Elizabeth derives from the Hebrew Elisheva which means God is my oath.

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