Category: Bible Study

A Cup of Wisdom Warms the Heart

“Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence. The fear of the LORD is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor.”

Proverbs 15:32-33 ESV

Doesn’t that sound like something Uncle Iroh would tell Prince Zuko in their quest to catch the Avatar? That’s what I thought of when I read it. A lot of my reading through Proverbs so far has similarly struck me. I will be reading a chapter, line after line of little tidbits of wisdom in the style of literature Solomon seemed to favor, that at times feels sing-songy like a bit of Shakespeare, and then “BAM!” I’m caught in my tracks by the profoundness of what the line of poetry just said. In those moments, I think of Uncle Iroh. I think anyone who is a fan of Avatar the Last Airbender, wishes they had an Uncle Iroh in their life because people like Uncle Iroh seem few and far between.

I think that’s why the loss of my grandparents feels like such a hole in my life, a vacuum of wisdom. I love my mom but it isn’t the same kind of relationship, there isn’t that well of wisdom that flows into our conversations because there is a different approach to life she follows. It’s a well-developed, rich, sort of wisdom that can only come with hard work and deep study of wisdom itself. They had that and they shared it willingly, sometimes to my chagrin as like young Zuko, I didn’t want to hear it.

And like Zuko of season two learns, the echo chamber of losing the voice of reason in your life is way more frustrating than hearing hard truths that mirror your own folly. It is irreplaceable. I miss their wisdom. I miss the surrounding of elders and wise people who seemed to be around me in childhood but seem harder to find with age. I think there is a passing of the torch so to speak whereby aging you are supposed to grow, change, and dwell with the wisdom of life to pass on to others and that transition can sometimes feel like you are treading water.

“If you look for the light you can often find it. If you look for the dark it is all you will ever see.”

Uncle Iroh

Growing older is odd. I never thought I would miss reproof and instruction but I do.

In the spirit of both the verses from Proverbs and the quote from Avatar the Last Airbender, the only way to fix this void is to look deeper and further to continue to seek out good influences in my life, and ways to be challenged to never settle who and where I am now, but to push further to find the well of wisdom and in turn be a well of wisdom to others.

Where do you go to find wisdom? Is it a person? A belief system? A text? Have you continued to seek after it, even crave it as you have gotten older? Have you been able to be an Uncle Iroh to someone in your life?

The Call to Create: Fred Rogers

There is a devotional currently on the Bible app called Mr. Rogers and the Call to Create and it is incredible. It walks the reader through the calling that led Fred Rogers from the desire to become a pastor to a fascination for the potential of what television could become as a way to communicate and connect with others. It was this idea that led him on the path toward a one-of-a-kind ministry opportunity to serve his community with uplifting messages for whatever they were walking through.

Mister Roger’s Neighborhood

As a kid growing up in the United States in the late 1990s and early 2000s, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood was an after-school staple. I knew it was popular in my region, the Greater Pittsburgh Area, but it took me a while to realize how big its reach was. It was not just for my area but for all! Fred Rogers was from Latrobe, PA, and filmed the show in Pittsburgh which is why I thought it was regional. But his neighborhood had a tremendous reach, running from 1968-2001. It has the hallmark of a true calling and was an incredible ministry filling a void in our culture – community. Which in 2024, feels like exactly what we need.

Through his show, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, and the themes his show explored he was able to talk to kids earnestly, encouraging them to feel their big feelings, and demonstrated examples of kindness and gentleness in a world that is not gentle or kind. It was about being a good neighbor for all. Compared to other kid shows of its time, Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood considered the bigger picture of childhood. It’s not just about learning how to read and do math, there is also room for play, imagination, and emotional intelligence. (Again, it seems ahead of its time and just what we all need right now!)

I understand now as an adult why this show meant so much to me, it was a safe space to not be okay when big emotions hit me, like the confusing and sporadic visits of my Dad and buried traumatic memories from their messy divorce that my kid brain couldn’t process yet. It also gave me a sense of belonging, like there was this little world of coziness, I guess it was like my first comfort show.

I watched a clip of the show recently and was filled with a craving for that safe space of childhood, the comfort and warmth of watching the show in the family room at my grandparent’s house, probably with Papa and Grandma around, and soaking up the imagination and wonder of the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. What an amazing world Fred created!

Pulpit or Programming

A particularly big choice Fred Rogers had to make was whether to pursue ministry as a pastor or follow the calling he felt into the unknown of television. He went to seminary and carried forth into television, taking an unorthodox path.

I found this inspiring to learn because life is full of twists, but as I look back on my life so far and think of the lives of others I know, the path forward to where God was ultimately leading them didn’t make a lot of sense at the moment.

There have been many times since graduating from high school that have made me question what all this is for? In the closed doors and detours, is it just the strife and confusion of the fallen world at work? Am I born to fail? These are honest thoughts.

As I dive deeper into my faith and relationship with God, I can sum it up to being moments that create a bigger picture. A broken piece of pottery for a mosaic, that doesn’t make sense from my up close and personal perspective, from God’s higher perspective and plan, it all fits together into one vision. He equips the called, instead of calling the equipped.

Many had criticisms of Fred Rogers’ decision to focus his ministry through Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood and to minister to children instead of establishing a ministry in a church pulpit for adults, but as Jesus gave his attention to the children in Mark 10, Fred Rogers did the same, because they matter as much as adults even though sometimes we can forget that in our world.

Fred Rogers earnestly sought to see the world through God’s eyes instead of the lens of what the world says, and I think that is what made his show and his life so impactful. He was compassionate, empathetic, gentle, wise, kind, and loving. If we aren’t fortunate enough to have this example in our lives as a child, from the examples of our family members, which is pretty common, Fred Rodgers’ ministry filled the gaps.

He encouraged imagination and wonder, things that the dark parts of life try to steal from us.

Key Messages

I don’t want to spoil too much of this devotional in case you decide to give it a read-through, but here are some of the key messages from the Bible study that have impacted me to my core as a fellow creative person pursuing fashion, which is not a place where Christian faith intersects. At least, I haven’t run across an example yet.

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Romans 12:1-2 ESV

“So, whatever you eat or you drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,”

Colossians 3:23 ESV

Ministry is not cut and dry. It is not just a church sermon or an act of service, it is a lifestyle, and as a believer, we must strive to become more Christ-like every day, which is what ministry is at its heart. Ministry and calling apply to everything, even things that don’t seem inherently “Christian” like television or fashion. God can work through all things. He weaves it all together in His way, and this devotional truly opened my eyes to things I hadn’t thought of before.

What I Learned

In 2022, I began to consider opening a store and I decided to study my customer base which led me down a rabbit hole of understanding youth culture, and in doing so my mind has been opened to all the ways the younger generation is lonely, seeking purpose and meaning, and is feeling the weight of the stressful world we live in. It made my heart break for how our culture lacks hope and community. I don’t want people to be suffering alone.

In looking for my customer, I think I found my focus for how I want to apply the lessons of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood to my life and my corner of the world. I don’t want anyone to feel alone, lost, or question their worth. I’m not sure how to accomplish this yet, but I realized the important thing is to let God be in the driver’s seat of my life first and then the rest will reveal itself in time.

Final Thoughts

If you enjoyed Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood as a kid and want to know more about the behind-the-scenes of his life and how Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood came about I’d highly recommend checking out the study linked above. There’s no requirement to share my faith to check it out, it’s just a piece of writing that is really good. Thank you, dear reader, for taking time with me today. I hope wherever you are you know that you are loved. Until next time.

Getting to Know the Women of Proverbs

To start 2024, I’ve been getting to know Lady Wisdom, the main character of the book of Proverbs. It’s an interesting dichotomy from what people usually think of the Bible. There are a lot of male main characters and perspectives, and as a woman, do I wish there were more stories I could relate to? Yeah. This study of the book of Proverbs took me down an existential rabbit hole that I have been mulling over sharing. What God revealed to me was an extraordinary takeaway that helped me fall deeper in love with the truth revealed in these pages.

I’ve read Proverbs once all the way through. I’ve made attempts before and got bored or distracted. What’s funny about this book of the Bible is that it is one of those books that as a passing verse or shared takeaway this book grabs my attention. It is probably one of the most easily quoted books, besides the Psalms, for those nuggets of wisdom. It is wisdom literature and poetry so it makes sense why it is so sharable, connectable, and poignant for a casual reader to get drawn in.

As a 21st-century female reader, sometimes it is a bit tough to get as engaged as I read through the book itself. The structure at first glance seems weird. First of all, King Solomon was incredibly wise and yet also incredibly irksome to consider as a king. He had a thousand wives, and endless riches, and gave in to outside influences that led to corruption. Like King David, who wrote most of the Psalms, Solomon was not perfect. He was a human. Even the best humans to ever have lived had their failings. As Isaiah 64:6 says, “We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.”

It is not King Solomon who was wise on his own accord, his decision-making on his own was pretty meh for lack of a better word. King Solomon’s wisdom came from God and all the wisdom he shared in Proverbs was God-breathed so even though it is difficult for my modern brain to separate Solomon’s failings from his work, as we are so apt to do in this social media age, it’s important to acknowledge that the purpose here came from God who is perfect using an imperfect vessel to deliver the words to page because that’s how God works. He redeems His creation.

The next hiccup that trips me up when I read through Proverbs 1-10 specifically are these metaphors! There is a ping pong of contrasting images. Lady Wisdom and the adulterous woman. Again because of being a 21st-century girl this both inspires and gets me all wound up in frustration. Which puts me in a quandary, how can I be annoyed when I believe that all scripture is without error. I was pondering this one night as I was doing my devotions and I was struck by a deep thought.

Who was studying this book when it was written, i.e. who was its original audience? It was written for the education of Jewish readers, due to societal norms at the time this would be men. Particularly in the case of temple schools. I realized God was clever. What is one of the most powerful, attention-grabbing tools? I’ll give you a hint, HBO loves to use it. Sex.

The adulterous woman imagery and the comparison of the adulterous woman representing folly is not an indictment on female character, it’s a strong, attention-grabbing image that is easily understood by the men being educated by the text. Literally, as I’m writing this, Seven by Jungkook just started playing, which is a catchy tune but you can’t dismiss that the lyrics and imagery aren’t one of the reasons it became so popular in 2023. That is ironic and weird timing, but anyway, I realized how deeply God understands how our human brains work. I was humbled by this and weird as that might be, this book of Proverbs was written with literary excellence and conciseness to get the point across without mincing words.

In comparison to the imagery of the noble Lady Wisdom, the adulterous woman is a stark contrast. With the characterization of Lady Wisdom, I realized another thing about how our human minds work – we love to look up to our moms and grandmas. The noble Lady Wisdom is that wise woman in our life directing us to be better by example. It’s an image that these scholars would find easy to remember. It’s a genius structure that I plan to dive deeper into by sharing my notes from my 2024 read-through of Proverbs.

I know this one went down a rabbit hole, but I’m learning that speaking with truth is not against what being a believer is about. Frankness is not wrong and logically exploring what trips me up as I read the Bible is also not wrong because it is an exercise in getting to know someone, in this case getting to Yahweh. Until next time ❤

Empty Cup of Humanity

It’s January, mid-winter. It’s the NHL mid-season, a time when we look to the championship season, it’s all the internet can talk about. The Stanley insulated cup in hot pink and red versions. THE Stanley cup.

Stanley Has Arrived

What is the Stanley Cup? The oldest championship trophy that is currently awarded in North America. Dating back to 1892, it was commissioned by Lord Stanley of Preston, the Governor General of Canada at the time. It is the symbol of victory in the NHL. (The Hockey Writers 2023) The ultimate goal of players and franchises alike. It is the most coveted Stanley Cup, right? Not even close.

Enter 2023, the year the Stanley insulated cup with straw, handle, and lid, retailing for USD 45 each became THE cup of choice. These two cups may be shiny, metal, and iconic holders of liquid but only one has sent a wave of chaos in 2024. Specifically the Target x Stanley Cup Valentine’s Day Tumbler and the Starbucks x Stanley Winter Wonderland Tumbler. These two limited drops have made me question, truly, how empty the cup of humanity is. And how do we refill this empty cup with improved priorities? 

A disclaimer, I’m not judging people’s interests. I have wanted an old-school Stanley thermos for years. It’s a cool technology and built to last. These cups are pretty cool. The handle looks sturdy, and it’s easy to drink from too. The colors are cute, even the ones featured in these winter drops. What I am unimpressed with is the scarcity of marketing tactics for these limited drops, the dark side of a highly individualistic culture that rears its ugly head in these situations, and the out-of-control reseller market. What was concerning about this release was the character exhibited by a few which echoed louder than the positives. 

The Drop into Nonsense

On December 31 the Valentine’s Day cups were released at Target to customers camping out, harassing Target employees, and caught on camera running others down, shoving, and fighting over cups to get a piece of the merchandise. Similarly, the Starbucks release (in Target) on January 3 had extra spice on top. Thanks to the modern age of TikTok and filming in public, a Starbucks drop in San Bernadino showed how far people will go to get their hands on these exclusive water carriers. First, there was fighting in the line, next a man jumped over the Starbucks counter, working in tandem with his sister, they attempted to grab merchandise and dash. The man shoved the barista out of the way and grabbed a box of cups while his sister tried to grab cups already purchased by customers and ran for the doors. Luckily, they were not the best burglars because the man was tackled by others in line before he reached the door. His sister was only able to rip the Starbucks paper bag. The most amusing part of the video was that they left and came back because the man left his phone, and left again as the police were on their way. These clips I saw by the way through Kiki Chanel’s Youtube channel, she put together a great video about the subject that put this on my radar. (Kiki Chanel 2024)

In her video, she also shared clips of these limited-edition Stanley cups being listed by resellers online with a ludicrous. (Side note, I realized I don’t know how to properly spell ludicrous without looking it up – my brain defaults to Ludacris.) There were also clips she found on TikTok of people purchasing a substantial number of these cups, with reselling appearing to be the intent. After I saw the markup these cups have on the resale market it became clear why, in this economy, holy moly it is quite the profit! These USD 45 Stanley cups are being resold online for between USD 90-230. That’s an insane return if you can move them. And this is where I believe we can reclaim our empty cup of humanity. 

Social Clout 

I understand the economy is rough, inflation is happening and everyone could use extra income but this is silly. It’s a reusable cup, and price gouging, hoarding, and stealing to resell to pay the bills? This is hardly Jean Valjean stealing a loaf of bread to feed his family. The Stanley tumbler is not a necessity, it is a status symbol for social clout. Its market value is also not permanent. As we know from the virality of TikTok, this will be replaced by a new thing before those who use these have time to even enjoy these cups. I’m more of a water bottle girl so I’m not participating in this trend, but a lot of people have. They are a symbol of social standing, but they don’t have to be. It’s not that deep. 

This morning on the radio, I heard a story that truly was a shame to hear but I know it’s true because I remember this happening when I was a kid. It’s human behavior. A girl received an off-brand tumbler for Christmas and took it to high school to use because she liked it. The girl was bullied for not having a Stanley Tumbler and her mom bought her a Stanley Tumbler to stop the bullying. (WayNation 2024) I know why her mom chose that as the solution, her mom gave her the off-brand tumbler for Christmas, and as moms do, she probably felt like the bullying was her fault. She wanted to fix it and I got it, my mom would do the same. What sucks about this whole situation is the barometer of the culture and the values prevailing by the bullies. 

Hypocrites We Are

Gen Z and Millenials are supposed to be environmentally conscious. If she was using a reusable cup, who cares? It’s hypocritical to bully her and then encourage overconsumption by prompting the parent to buy a new cup to stop the bullying. Brand names do not maketh the man or woman. Manners do, to quote Agent Galahad of the Kingsman (Vaughn 2014). Bullying will continue its bullying ways because the manners and moral convictions of the bullies were not addressed. That’s not the responsibility of the victim or the victim’s mom.

The Bailey Button Sweater Uggs, Miss Me jeans, the Sidekick, the iPod classic, Livestrong bracelets, the North Face jacket, Abercrombie’s Moose Logo, Rhinestone Affliction Tees, etc. These were some of the sought-after items of my high school experience that we coveted and felt less than for not having, but at the end of the day, it was just a thing. An item. None of those things matter now. Are Affliction or Miss Me even brands anymore? The point is people matter, and things pass away. Isaiah 51:6 NIV says, “Lift up your eyes to the heavens, look at the earth beneath; the heavens will vanish like smoke, the earth will wear out like a garment and its inhabitants die like flies. But my salvation will last forever, my righteousness will never fail.” God created us for more than this social construct.

We are giving material goods too much agency in our lives. Materialism and overconsumption are rotting our brains. We thought Black Friday madness died in 2020, but the terrifying reality is that it has risen from the ashes like a phoenix in the name of scarcity marketing. After the holiday rush and spending from November to Christmas, scarcity marketing created two Black Friday-type scenarios less than two weeks later. And it can happen again and again and again, if we let it. But we don’t have to buy in. We can choose to not let our worth be defined by our participation in trends and we can keep our greed from taking advantage of others who are lost in their greed and worship of trends, to preserve our humanity. 

Closing Thoughts

USD 45 can do a lot of good. It can feed members of our community at a food bank, it can provide toiletries and shelter to homeless missions, mosquito nets, provide education and reconciliation through prison ministries, help those who are rebuilding after natural disasters, and provide necessities and shelter to refugees of war. The possibilities are endless for what that money can do. I get caught up in consumerism too, I have gone through waves of shopping addiction and still struggle with retail therapy. The first step though, is acknowledging the problem and taking a step back to evaluate and reconsider. Not living solely for ourselves but for our communities and for me personally, living for my Savior has been instrumental in freeing me from the crushing weight of overconsumption and trend cycles. Because at the end of the day, it is an empty cup. 

References

The Hockey Writers. 2023. “Stanley Cup: Stats, History, News.” The Hockey Writers. https://thehockeywriters.com/docs/stanley-cup/.

Kiki Chanel, dir. 2024. Episode The Stanley Tumbler Craze is Out of Control, “Kiki Chanel.” Aired January 4, 2024.

Vaughn, Matthew, dir. 2014. Kingsman: The Secret Service.

WayNation. 2024. The Wally Show, radio program, daily morning show. Nashville, TN, USA: WayFM.

Proverbs 17:17

I have this new widget on my phone, the verse of the day, and what I love about this new widget is that I can’t accidentally close out the notification like I can with the Bible App’s push notification. I’ve done that so many times by accident and it frustrates me because I like having the verse of the day reminder at the top of my phone. Why do you ask? These verse-of-the-day notifications are sometimes like a voice in the wilderness, paraphrasing Isaiah 40:3. It cuts through the chaos, the world’s inhumanity, and all that life throws at us. It reminds me to stop and remember who stands beside me through every moment – Jesus.

Today’s verse of the day is a verse I remember from childhood, it was the theme verse of my Bible cover. It was shortened to include the first phrase of the sentence – “a friend loves at all times” and featured a cartoon-style illustration of a group of kids with their arms around each other like they were posing for a photo. They were united in love for one another. I liked that case because it reminded me that I could feel the fellowship I longed for being an only child with my friends. I could get a taste of the community my friends and cousins had instead of feeling like the odd one out.

It wasn’t until much later, it could easily be my Bible read-through in 2020-2021, that I understood there was more to the verse. There is more to this verse, and the entire second half of a sentence that fills me with emptiness not because I am an only child, but understanding what the verse means – family united. Recently there has been a lot of family in my life again and it has taken me some time to get used to having people around again.

In the last ten years, my family has seemed more like Coyote to my Road Runner.

There has been a lot of betrayal, suspicious decisions, and big divides. When I read that verse this morning I was struck by how I associate friends with the security of family and family with the cloak of the adversary in my life. The villain mostly instead of the place I run to. Am I really that jaded? Cause that sounds jaded and not like a person in a healthy place. I shouldn’t be scared of family, but I am. I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t want to be let down.

A longtime friend and I just ended our friendship and the weirdest part about the whole thing has been the rollercoaster of emotions flooding my mind. I feel grief like she died, but she didn’t our relationship did. I feel like I lost my sister, but ironically what sent me running for the hills in our disagreement was how much she began to remind me of my sister, my dad’s youngest. We have different moms. We have a lot of baggage and the relationship is quite toxic.

In the final days of our friendship, I was freaked out once I saw how much our friendship had grown into a toxic state mirroring my relationship with my sister. The crossover from a safe friendship to a toxic family dynamic frightened me. Ironically since we had to part ways because we couldn’t seem to right our problems, I have been grieved about losing a “sister” figure in that friendship. Even though the friendship was unhealthy for a long time, I felt a sisterhood with her because she wasn’t actually related to me, and I overlooked the ways we were unhealthy for each other because it is safer to cling to this faux-sister thing than to leave it behind. I completely wish my friend well and want her to find a support system that works better for her because the toxic dynamic that we brought out in each other was no good for anyone.

And yet, I find myself feeling like that little kid again with the Bible cover hoping I find a new community even though I do have a community right in front of me, but some of that community involves family. I’m definitely supposed to learn something here.

So, why am I sharing all this? When I saw this verse pop up on my widget I was struck by how serious this is for our communities and our world. Family should not be the ones who hurt us, but they can and they do, on varying levels of seriousness, some being very, very serious levels. God gave us the structure of family and of friendship. They are inherently good things. But we use them for bad because we are fallen humans. We are capable of creating unrepairable damage, where I stand with several family members and it sucks knowing that we may never be able to repair this on Earth.

I think being a Peacemaker, as God calls us to be is more than just finding reconciliation, I think it’s also about filling those gaps in society. Some people have family members who have done evil things and their actions and continued choices have made it impossible to reconcile on Earth as it stands, it’s all in God’s hands for now. Being a peacemaker does not mean forcing insincere apologies, or forcing families back into dangerous, even deadly situations. Being a peacemaker challenges us to bring God’s kingdom here. To love, to comfort, to fill the gaps, and to show who God is and what He freely gives to us all if we accept Him. None of us have earned it or deserve it and that’s not the point. The point is to glorify God and allow Him to transform our lives and our world. Being a willing vessel is what is important.

I was watching a documentary last night called Jonathan & Jesus, it’s on Amazon Prime, and in it, Jonathan Roumie met with the leader of Civil Righteousness, Jonathan Tremaine Thomas, and spoke about what being a peacemaker is and I was struck by how much daily myself and the world around me misses the point of what that means. Especially for me, I think of my family. It’s like we have divorced ourselves from acknowledging that is part of the Christian life. But in the early church, Christians were the peacemakers, the outposts of hope in dire situations like plagues. There are a lot of things, I remembered, that we are missing the plot about. Some days it feels overwhelming to think about creating change, even in my own life not just in my community, or my country.

This verse of the day really humbled me. The documentary humbled me. The words of Jonathan Roumie, Brandon Flowers, Alice Cooper, Jonathan Tremaine Thomas, Francis Chan, etc humbled me. But also filled me with hope and purpose. A reset. I’m resetting a lot this month, I guess between my schedule and my focus. That’s why I love the verse of the day, God speaks through this app and through documentaries, His voice is everywhere as long I listen.

Truth in Love

Daily writing prompt
Tell us one thing you hope people say about you.
View all responses

That I told the truth, with respect and dignity toward others. That I told the hard truth in love with good motivation. I hope they could say that I was not swayed from the truth when outside pressures were vying for supremacy in my mind. And when I failed I didn’t hide from the truth of my failure to make it right, instead, I humbled myself for the sake of truth.

 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Philippians 4:4-8 NIV

Psalm 55:22

Cast your burden on the LORD, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved.

Psalm 55:22 ESV

A month ago this verse popped across the screen of my phone, the verse of the day. Although those change daily, this one popped up again, and again. I wasn’t sure why but I knew I should take note. I’ve been a procrastinator in my devotions this fall, without a clear direction in my Bible study, I began reading this chapter, Psalm 55, daily. I’d read it and then reread it. I’d recite the words slowly in my head, sometimes out loud.

Again I wasn’t sure why. I thought maybe God was teaching me something, it felt like He was asking me to trust Him more in those moments of loss. Life was going pretty well so I wasn’t sure why it was happening now as I tend to do. I like to figure everything out, especially when I am supposed to wait and see. My impatient mind does not like waiting and seeing. I’ve learned over time to trust that if He is doing something to take note, and trust that even if it isn’t the way I would want things to happen there is a well-woven tapestry to His plan that will bring me out to the other side, perfectly loved as the song says.

You’re perfectly human
Made from the dust
You’ve got a heart, broken and scarred, yet perfectly loved
Oh, even when you were running
Even when you were hiding
Never been a moment that you were not perfectly loved
When you barely believed it (when you barely believed it)
When your eyes couldn’t see it
Every single moment you’ve always been perfectly loved
Perfectly loved
You’ve always been perfectly loved

– Rachel Lampa

This morning, that tapestry is becoming more clear. Psalm 55 is sandwiched between Psalm 54 and Psalm 56, the headings read – The Lord Upholds My Life, Cast Your Burden on the Lord, In God I Trust. When I was reading Psalm 55 in November, I read these too. I realized He was preparing me for a purpose, to trust Him this weekend when I learned I had unknowingly been eating an item containing milk and got sick. I was ready and rooted when a relational rug with a friend was pulled out from underneath me and I was prepared to be brave and ask her to stay instead of running first.

In the past I’ve been too afraid to be vulnerable with people who are leaving me, I’m always too scared to stop them. I’m terrified to say I care about them, to say that I’m hurting, and to ask them to stay because I’m afraid that they will laugh at me. I’ve been afraid of being too much. I’ve learned from my relationship with my husband that sometimes you have to be willing to look like an idiot because you care about someone. Reaching out first doesn’t mean you are weak or pathetic. It shows that the person means something to you. Being sad that a friendship is ending is healthy and normal, getting angry and burning a bridge so that you look tough is just plain dumb.

But the verse doesn’t say anything about this right? Right but the entire chapter is about David running from a treacherous enemy, it’s about betrayal. Through studying this chapter I’ve learned how to trust God against a treacherous enemy – myself.

I am my worst enemy. I will burn it all down when I’m scared faster than anyone can hurt me. I’ve been a runner, an island, terrified of letting anyone into the deepest parts of my insecurity. I may not be able to trust humans without fail with my heart but I can trust God and that is where my worth must come from. In denying feelings of sadness, and loss, and wanting those relationships to be, I was denying myself the opportunity to grow.

Making peace with my worst enemy, myself has brought me inner peace. I can trust God against my treacherous enemy, myself.

I couldn’t have done that without God’s care to prepare me for it. Through this whole experience, I have learned how great His love is. His love reaches out without certainty of us reaching back and if that is was the ultimate expression of love for us, then who am I to stop myself from growing and maturing to be more Christ-like? Especially if He is going to all this effort to be there for us.

How do you find inner peace? Have you ever self-sabotaged? Do you find it easy to be vulnerable?

Learning to Wait for Direction

In a previous post, Listening to the Bible App’s Audio Version, I switched up my Bible listening to Bible reading to get out of a rut I was in, and it worked really well! I was crushing chapters upon chapters and fitting in the Word where I could including listening to a book while I got a shower and ready for bed, while I was sewing, etc. It was an effective way to consume a lot of the Bible at once. I realized though that spending time in God’s word and daily time with God is a lot more complex than I realized.

So it is true that I was consuming a lot of the word, I listened to Lamentations in one sitting. Hosea was a quick listen that made some of those destruction chapters a quick fly-through, which helped a lot to get me more familiar with those unknown places in the Bible, a goal I felt God leading me to this whole year. My goal in 2023 is to let God lead me through the Bible and let Him teach me what He wants me to know as life unfolds because sometimes knowing where to go next is overwhelming. The Bible is a large book full of many different kinds of writings, and that is where I got into a slump this fall. I try to listen faithfully but sometimes discerning God’s leading can be tough for me as a human to focus on. I get distracted and wander. As I listened to book after book quickly through my day, I realized I was wandering and not letting Him direct me. My wandering wasn’t a bad thing, but focusing and listening to where He wanted me to study next was going to be greater than what I could lead myself to on my own.

I believe that my biggest takeaway from 2023, is to not distract myself from the bigger thing that He has planned just because there is a good option in front of me. Taking the wrong turn in life is not necessarily an extreme thing, it can be just a divergent path that will still bring good things but may not be the ultimate plan God had for me for my life or just for that day. There is a lot more subtly to it than I understood before, and in doing so I understand that being in the relationship daily and being present keeps my eyes and ears tuned for what He has in store for me.

In typical human fashion though this is a lot harder to accomplish than I believe it to be at face value. Because life happens. Like unexpectedly getting sick during a crappy time of the month and having your schedule all thrown off. When life gets busy and chaotic, I slack on my good-for-me habits, including being present in my relationship with God. And one night last week when I was feeling rather low from being sick, feeling behind on what I needed to do, and wanting to catch a break, that was not happening. I just wanted to feel healthy again, and I thought I was getting better but it was confusing, the symptoms were coming in waves, as was my energy.

Before bed, I felt incredibly discouraged as I had another setback, and I got angry with God. I wanted to know why a health issue I had been working to manage for a few years seemed to be regressing and becoming even more of a concern, I wanted to know why I had to, at that moment, feel so lost and alone. In frustration, I went back downstairs and began to knit instead of sleep. I googled and stitched, looking for answers yet feeling like I was now drowning in information. I felt like crying or freaking out, I wanted to talk to someone but didn’t want to wake my husband or call my mom, not at 1 am. It was then that I got my daily verse notification, like 3 hours off of when it is scheduled to come each day, and this is what it said:

Cast your burden on the Lord,
    and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
    the righteous to be moved.

Psalm 55:22 ESV

I was shocked. I was angry at God and yet He was present and reminding me of His faithfulness. That is unlike how we treat each other as humans. It’s unnatural to us but not Him. I could feel His presence so strongly with me and the information I had googled began to sink into my brain instead of swirling around in anxious musings, and I realized my health issue was getting better there was a key part of the process I was misunderstanding but that what I was experiencing was getting back on track. I felt a peace that transcends all understanding. (Philippians 4:7)

In that moment I understood that I needed to slow down and listen because the answers to my questions and worries were there but I had stopped up my ears in distractions and anger. I’m not good at waiting for directions. I tend to fuss. Reigning that behavior, I’m learning is more important than we know. The instant nature of modernity is clouding my attention to learn to be still. I’m not satisfied to exist in that state of mind.

Do you find it easy to be still and wait for further direction? How have you learned to temper that behavior in your own life?

The Proof of Your Love

Yesterday I was knitting and catching up on Youtube videos when my playlist took an interesting turn. I watched two videos back to back from different creators that touched on the same message, an important message that actually prompted me to think deeply about a TikTok video and its eventual dragging by the internet. Now, I am not a fan of TikTok or TikTok culture. I think that it is changing how we interact in some harmful ways, like encouraging main character syndrome and resurrecting toxic beauty standards, but I am learning to have an open mind because of something key I learned recently that broke my heart.

A lot of people my age and younger don’t feel like they have friends and people they can count on. There is a growing loneliness and a lack of community, even though we are theoretically more connected than ever. I know that I have felt seasons of loneliness crash over me since I became an adult, and there were years when I didn’t feel like I had any friends my own age. But I was never truly alone because I had a community around me and family, I realize now that I’m older and more mature that I was incredibly blessed to have them and that having family and community and friends is not a guarantee.

Even writing that feels unnatural to me, how is being alone the default now when there are 8 billion people on this planet? We are seriously doing something wrong if this is the reality some people are facing and I want to do something about it, but I’m learning that some people think this is a joke and that kills me.

Now, people my age and younger share a lot of their lives on social media, something that is received with mixed reviews from our parents and other people older than us. It is seen as odd, opening ourselves up to trouble, or self-centered which yes, there is a main character syndrome, but honestly is that what Karens do too? So it’s a human problem to do that, exacerbated by social media, but what I learned recently is that people are sharing so much because our friendships are declining or non-existent and the only human connection some of us are receiving at the moment is sharing with our social media friends, who most of the time are people that are more like acquaintances or could be total strangers to us. Our real-life friendships are dissipating into relationships of sending reels back and forth instead of having a conversation, why are we doing this? Because we all live too far away from each other, are too broke to visit each other and for the majority of people, work a 9-5 that is consuming our time and ability to keep up with relationships.

This is where TikTok comes in again, there is a video by a creator named brielleybelly123 that is making the rounds on the internet for her honest emotional breakdown because she is feeling overwhelmed by how lonely her life has become due to her 9-5. She is a recent college grad who is working a 9-5 job that requires hours of commuting. She is far from family, and friends, and the ability to get to know new people. She is community-less and the reality that this is her everyday worries her. This is an incredibly valid feeling to have, I mean who hasn’t been overwhelmed by changes in life? We all have those moments, I did going into high school, college, every new job, and after every move to a new city I’ve made. Actually, my current town is the first place in seven years since moving out of my mom’s house and I have a friend in my town. Like a legit girl friend that I can lean on in good and bad. In those seven years, I’ve also strengthened the long-distance friendships I have with friends from college and childhood, but if I hadn’t been able to keep those relationships going, I’m not certain if I would have any friends. Which is quite bleak to think about.

We are relational beings created to be in community, to be loved, and to love. This morning when I was listening to music, this truth hit me deeply as “The Proof of Your Love” by For King and Country filled my ears.

[Verse 1: Luke]
If I sing but don’t have love
I waste my breath with every song
I bring, an empty voice
A hollow noise
If I speak with a silver tongue
Convince a crowd but don’t have love
I leave a bitter taste
With every word I say

[Chorus]
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You’re made of
How you lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love

[Verse 2: Luke]
If I give to a needy soul
But don’t have love then who is poor
It seems all the poverty
Is found in me

[Chorus]
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You’re made of
How you lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love

[Bridge]
Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
When it’s all said and done
Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
When we sing our final song
Only love remains
Only love remains

[Monologue: Joel]
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate
If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all of His mysteries and making everything as plain as day
And if I have faith to say to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing
If I give all I own to the poor or even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere
So, no matter what I say, no matter what I believe, no matter what I do, I’m bankrupt without love

[Chorus]
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You’re made of
How you lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love

The song is based on 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 which says “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

What is the point of the 9-5 grind and gaining the world if you lose your humanity in the process? And I would argue that having love is an essential part of our humanity and what makes us keep going. And so I was disturbed by something else I saw before bed last night, that brielleybelly123’s honest cry was being mocked by conservative-leaning people who claim to be believers. I’m sorry but that doesn’t align with scripture. What does align with who God calls us to be is to love your neighbor as yourself, and to serve the widows, the orphans, and the lonely. When Jesus came to live among us, he sought out the outsiders of society, the lonely ones. American exceptionalism belief of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps is in direct contradiction to what really matters, God’s plan for how we interact with each other. It is disgusting to me to be honest that people are making whole videos making fun of her, but in the same breath will claim Christ. What is the proof of your love commentators, hm?

Now I’m not saying this is easy, or that we don’t all make mistakes. I literally fall short all the time, but the important thing is that we stay on the road and keep trying so that the proof of our love speaks to something bigger than us.

Listening to the Bible App’s Audio Version

I looked back through my posts the other day and realized it has been over a month since I shared a Bible Study post. I was surprised by this, but then I thought about it. Yeah, it makes sense, I’ve been aimless in my Bible reading. Opting to listen to the audio version on the Bible app rather than to sit down and have quiet time with the Lord. My reading routine in the morning has become a floating plan to whenever I take a break to be still with my Bible reading. As it goes life has gotten in the way and I’ve found myself fitting in a Bible listen at the end of the day while I get a shower, do my nightly planks, or while I work out. It’s been in the background, and I’ve wondered, am I getting as much out of this?

The Book of Daniel

It’s certainly been different. I’ve noticed that I am less likely to be familiar with the text, as in where in the chapter or book of the Bible I can find the information again. I don’t take notes because of the format change which has led to a decline in journalling about it. A positive is that I’ve been invigorated by this audio form in sections of my reading that have been confusing, laborious, and even a bit strange. Yes, I said strange and I am talking about the Bible. The last half of the book of Daniel is quite strange. It is a multi-chapter section of prophecy so otherworldly that Biblical scholars cannot perceive its full meaning. It has not been revealed to us yet or maybe it is not important for us to understand it, because as a 21st-century human maybe this prophecy from 600-500 B.C. simply isn’t applicable to us in the new covenant.

Even now as I begin to mention this section of Daniel I see an important point of my audio Bible listening illustrated – when I read this prophecy section my mind gets bogged down by what I am reading. I instinctively want to understand the text for the process of reading comprehension like they trained us in school but alas, I can’t fully understand it. In this process, my mind seems to get the loading screen of doom and I tend to get overwhelmed and stuck in one section of the Bible for a long time, fruitlessly. What I discovered while listening to the final chapters of the book of Daniel while riding the bike and other cardio exercises was that I could absorb the information in its strange form and let it be absorbed without getting bogged down. The narrator read the fantastical images as they were written in the text. My mind accepted it and took it in because it acknowledged the narrative nature of the text without needing to figure everything out before I accepted it.

Now should I go back and take notes? Yes, I need to definitely go back through that section because it has some descriptions of creatures that are more bizarre than DNAmy’s Cuddle Buddies combinations. The images are like Pokemon come to life and I want to try to make sense of it again. But I learned something valuable, if there is a section I feel discouraged by because of its height of difficulty or simply the language being used, listening to it is a viable option. So I tested this again.

Paul’s Correspondence with Corinth

My hypothesis proved fruitful. Listening to confusing first-century A.D. letters from the Roman Empire can certainly become easier to understand if they are read to you. Why? I believe it is because they are written with different grammatical standards and trends due to their translation and age that make it sometimes painful for a 21st-century reader. Think about Shakespeare or the Greek Tragedies – would you rather see them performed or read them to yourself? Unless you are Rory Gilmore, I would say the performance option is going to be the popular choice. Honestly, this made a huge difference. Paul is a fantastic speaker, he also uses continual run-on sentences. But if you take the context back to a letter that was read to the congregation, well then, we don’t write the same way we speak, do we? It helped me simply understand the point of his sentences. To glean the correct information and accept the information which specifically tries my patience. I’m referring to the case of certain passages addressing the women of Corinth that are difficult to get on board for in my modern Western context because they seem to muddy the waters.

Now the Apostles did disagree on things and both points of view are recorded in the canonical Bible, but context also plays a role which makes reading these sections, like 1 & 2 Corinthians a bit of a chore. These letters were written to address specific happenings with specific people and as such because they are letters yet included in the Bible, this makes understanding whether it applies to all of us to this day or just the women of this 1st century congregation is higher than my mind works. There is a lot of reading by faith and prayer because if I don’t I just get frustrated by the confusion.

Random Acts of Audio

I would highly recommend switching between reading the Bible with your physical book and listening to audio versions. Last night, I listened to the narrator read through the Book of Joel and most of Amos, which are books that are not cheery. God is both angry and disappointed in His people and that can be hard to read at times. Not only for the prophecy of destruction but for the pain God is feeling because His people have rejected Him and rejected Him for centuries. When a relationship is disrespected and treated as less than over and over again, there is acute pain. Studying the Bible has a transformative power in which you begin to see things through God’s perspective and not your own. It is sad thinking about how my Heavenly Father was betrayed by his children and yet is bound by His righteousness and justice to cast out evil. It reminds me that relationships, done badly are filled with pain for both parties. I’m not sure if I would have understood all the meaning contained within Joel and Amos’ words if I had read them instead of hearing them being read. There was repetition to their narrative structure that was evident as they were being spoken, as the prophets Joel and Amos would have done in the 5th and 7th centuries B.C. Interesting stuff, right?

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