Author: Magz

I Wanted To Learn More About Kpop

What is your favorite genre of music?

K-Pop. Boy bands, girl bands, flashy music videos, and complex choreography. BTS. Blackpink. PSY. It’s a genre growing in popularity in the West and you’ve probably heard of it. From the outside, it might not make a lot of sense. So where did this cultural wave of music and fashion originate? Well, we gotta go back a few decades. (Note: I became a fan in early 2022 so I am limited in my knowledge – I’m sorry if I don’t mention a band you stan <3)

Brief History of K-Pop

Western musical influences entered Korean culture in 1885 and continued throughout the 20th century after Korea’s liberation from Japanese occupation in 1945, due to the US military presence and the Korean War. USO tours brought artists such as Nat King Cole and Louis Armstrong to Korea, sparking interest in Western culture and music. This continued into the 1990s as Korean artists experimented with musical styles from other cultures and developed their own sounds. These included folk and rock ballads, with Korean musical groups, like the Kim Sisters performing in Las Vegas and on American television shows in the mid-20th century. J-Rock had an influence in the later 20th century.

The modern K-pop era began on April 11, 1992, when the band Teo Saiji and Boys debuted their first song “I Know” on Munhwa Broadcasting Corporation’s talent show. Their song showcased new jack swing inspirations from R&B and hip-hop which kicked off a wave of Korean hip-hop artists of the 1990s, such as Drunken Tiger. In June 2023, Stray Kids released the song Topline with Tiger JK of Drunken Tiger. Until 2012, K-pop was a success in Asia but hadn’t reached worldwide reach until PSY’s “Gangnam Style” followed by EXO’s debut in 2012, the debut of BTS in 2013, and finally, the debut of Blackpink in 2016. Blackpink would become the first K-pop group to headline at Coachella.

Record Labels, Trainees & Survival Shows

So where do all these bands come from? After the success of Teo Saiji and Boys, first album, and a new appetite for the hip-hop and R&B musical style of these emerging 1990s K-Pop artists, three labels were started that continue to be some of the biggest labels today – SM Entertainment in 1995, YG Entertainment in 1996 (formed by a member of Teo Saiji and Boys), and JYP Entertainment in 1997. This shifted the K-pop industry’s focus to teen-centered music and idol bands that would capture the attention of teen boys and girls – the structure we still see today of boy groups and girl groups. The business was modeled after J-pop in Japan.

Trainees who want to debut as idols undergo rigorous auditions and training to learn singing and dancing skills, but also how to navigate the media by their etiquette and attitude, as well as knowledge, of the Korean language because not all K-pop idols are native Korean speakers. Current examples of this are Lisa of Blackpink, Johnny of NCT 127, and Felix of Stray Kids, who all became fluent in Korean through their idol training.

Another element of the debut process for some groups can involve reality tv style survival shows. The Mnet Survival Show became very popular in the 2010s and led to the formation of many groups including TWICE, Seventeen, ENYPHEN, Kep1er, Momoland, and Stray Kids. The trainees compete against each other while gradually being eliminated. The top seven of Twice’s survival show “Sixteen” were selected to debut along with an audience favorite and J.Y.P.’s selection for eight in total with members added later. The contestants went on to other projects, some debuting with other groups.

Maknaes, Leaders, and Visuals

Something that I found hard to follow at first was the term “maknae” meaning the youngest person in a group, but I’ve learned through time and research that it is a part of Korean culture to recognize who is oldest and youngest within a group. Each group has a recognized maknae, Jong-ho in Ateez, Yuna in ITZY, NingNing in Aespa, and our Maknae on Top – I.N. of Stray Kids.

The oldest or an older member of a group is usually the leader usually each group has a leader, except for some groups like Blackpink, K.A.R.D., New Jeans, etc. The leaders write music and contribute to the group’s concept alongside the producers but they are also the spokesperson for the group and keep the group in order. Some current K-pop group leaders are Taeyong of NCT 127, Mark Lee of NCT Dream, Hongjoong of Ateez, Chaewon of Le Sserafim, and Jihyo of Twice.

Another thing that threw me off was the designation of the visual in a group. There are many roles within these groups – leader, maknae, lead vocals, lead rapper, main vocalist, main rapper, main dancer, sub-vocalist, and the visual. Basically, the visual is the member who best represents Korean beauty standards within the group and has been a part of K-pop from the beginning. Jisoo is the visual of Blackpink, Hyunjin is the visual of Stray Kids, Yeosang is the visual of Ateez, and Miyeon is the visual of (G)-IDLE. There can be a lot of debate between fans on who is the visual and being the visual doesn’t keep you from serving in other roles.

Fandom Names, Lightsticks, Sub-units & Bias

Each group has a fan name with BTS’ fandom name probably being the most famous – ARMY. Blackpink fans call themselves Blinks. Stray Kids have STAY, Ateez stans are Atiny, and NCT fans call themselves NCTzens or NCTizens (pronounced N-citizens) as they are citizens of NCT City (Neo Culture Technology). Twice fans are called Once which I think is cute. EXO fans as a group are called EXO-L and fans individually are referred to as Stars. Itzy has MIDZY and TXT has MOA which stands for moments of alwaysness. Moments of Alwaysness as a name is quite poetic and dreamy. Fans are also referred to as stans, as you stan the group you are a fan of.

I thought lightsticks were pretty gimmicky until I saw videos of them at concerts and close-up videos of the lightstick designs – they are actually pretty cool and unique. I personally love Ateez’s lightstick concept the most, both version one and version two because they feature pirate motifs. I also love the cute and slightly menacing Blackpink double-sided heart hammer light stick as well as Cherry Bullet’s squirt gun light stick.

Some groups have sub-units with the actual K-pop group concept and they will release albums within these sub-units while still being a part of the original group. These albums have different concepts than the original group. Notable Sub-units are NCT U, NCT 127, and NCT Dream all within the group NCT. The fandom name NCTzen or NCTizen can be applied to all. Girls Generation has a sub-unit called TTS or TaeTiSeo, Seventeen has BBS or BooSeokSoon, along with many, many other sub-units across K-pop.

Your bias, or selecting a bias is just selecting your favorite member for each group. Your bias wrecker is a member within that group that makes you want to switch your favorite member. At the moment, in Stray Kids, I’d say Felix is my bias and Changbin is my current bias wrecker. In Ateez, Hongjoong is my bias but Wooyoung is turning into a bias wrecker.

Comebacks, Music Videos, and Discography

I first got into the music by watching music videos while I rode my exercise bike, through this I learned to not sleep on K-pop music videos – they are integral to the concept as K-pop is quite visual from dancing to fashion, it is a part of the experience. My early favorites were Kick It by NCT 127, Kill This Love by Blackpink, Don’t Stop by Ateez, Maniac by Stray Kids, and That That by PSY & Suga. I love the aesthetics at play and how the members are styled for these videos. It is in my opinion more inspiring than reading Vogue or watching fashion week anymore.

Comebacks and discography were the most confusing to navigate, to be honest. Comebacks refer to the new release by a band, that includes the promotional material for the concept, photo cards, choreography sneak peeks and dance challenges, performances, the music video, and the single/ep/album being released. There is a lot involved! And to make it more confusing bands release full Japanese albums, compilation albums, and mixtapes that are all different. If you are going to buy a K-pop album I highly recommend doing research first.

I made that mistake with my first album purchase – I bought a BTS album second-hand and bought the wrong version. The store had three different versions of the Love Yourself album. I wanted the version that contained the track DNA, and out of the three versions I purchased the only version not to have DNA. Yep, I bought ‘Tear’ but it was a great learning experience and helped me explore their discography more.

Wrap Up

I hope this little guide is helpful to you if you have been curious about K-pop or have a loved one or friend who is a K-pop fan. It’s a fun world to escape into. There is so much more I could dive into but this post would just be endless so thanks for coming along on this journey with me.

#31 – Painting for a Future Story

I am a visual person. When I begin drafting a setting or character it helps me to build a story around a tangible place. While I enjoy going to Pinterest for ideas, I like to sketch out original artwork to dive into a place of imagination. This week, I dove into my notebook of ideas and began painting places for potential settings for a story. Here are some of the places I came up with.

Cabin on a Glacier Lake with Mountains

A-Frame Treehouse with Airplane Hanger

Living Roof Yurt on a Beach

Udal Cuain Best and Worst Storytelling Devices

I’ve been thinking, to be honest since I put the Udal Cuain project on a permanent hiatus in 2019, should I attempt to finish it or revise it in some way that would be less dark and depressing? It’s the truth, the story went off the rails into a very dark place that I no longer enjoyed working on. But could I potentially unweave the threads of plots that took the story in an unsatisfying direction? That is something I’d like to ponder. And hopefully, this project is not doomed by its subject material! I think this is applicable to all creative processes because as you make something there is that tightrope feeling that you are balancing between success and utter crap. At least that’s been my experience.

Well, I think the only way to sort through this is to look at the things I think the story should keep and what was an utter disaster. I’m going to give each storytelling technique a grade for a bit of structure. Let’s jump in!

Religion

Udal Cuain is set in the Early Medieval period aka the Viking Age aka the dark ages, which is not as well known as other historical periods. Especially when it comes to Irish history as it was known as Hibernia at the time to the Western world. The Romans were tired of dealing with the Celts and so they built Hadrian’s Wall and left them be. The only group to venture closer were Christian missionaries, including St Patrick, St Brendan, and St Brigid in the 5th century AD. As Udal Cuain was set in the west of Ireland in the 8th century AD, with most of Ireland converting to Christianity and leaving Druidism, the choice to include a druid-influenced calendar and have open belief in the Druid Irish gods was a wise decision. It feels like a plot hole to the historical evidence we do have available. For this reason, I give this religious storytelling choice an F for disregarding history.

I wasn’t as committed to my faith at the time of writing and so I was not interested in bringing Christianity into this world, although I chose the setting to be in the era of a well-established church for the sake of being in the Viking raiding age. That was a bit of a faff and something I would definitely change today if I was re-writing this story. I would either set the story back before the 5th century and nix the Viking Age plot in order to explore the Druid era for continuity’s sake or would remove the Druid part and have a more nuanced approach to these cultural legends in the framework of the 8th century where the High Kings were part of the church and monasteries were a key part of the societal structure. I would probably choose the second option because the Druid world is so incredibly dark and evil – not exaggerating, human sacrifice was prominent – so I would prefer to research something a bit more light-hearted.

Villains

A goal I had for this story was to make a cunning and diabolical villain out of Tearlag, I wanted her to be so good at being bad that the reader could almost respect her but also be waiting for her demise. When we meet her in the story she is a widow who exiled her son and grandkids by force out of her kingdom. She is hypercritical of her children and conniving in her marriages. Her husband Conn was beloved by all but Tearlag has a Machiavellian streak to her. I wanted her to be untrustworthy and truly good at executing evil plans against her enemies, including her family members. As the Dowager Chieftainness I wanted her to have a legacy that she couldn’t quite nail down, but she would use to exact every last drop from her allies.

Tearlag became one of my favorite characters to write, she had so much sass and pure nerve to accomplish what she wanted without giving a hoot what people thought. In the end, it made me sad to know she would have to be defeated. I would say for Tearlag’s character I would give her a B+ because she accomplished all I wanted her to, but now I think I could make her character even more polished. I would develop her character even more to see the layers of how she became this way and search to find if there is any good in her or if she was always born to the villain of her life.

My secondary villain was Tearlag’s son Riordan, who was a chaotic character and a bit of a brat. I didn’t want him to be likable, I wanted his character to wear his misguided decisions like a badge as the selfish person I created his character to be. His flaws drove the plot, and his mistakes bred characterization for other key players in the story. His depression for a lost love that should have never been, all while being married to another woman displayed his inability to handle responsibility that would inevitably inspire his exile. I would give Riordan’s character a solid A because his character did not waiver into plot holes, it was a disagreeable anchor to the story. I would let his story sit in the plot and flush out his failings a bit more so that his exile is more clear to the reader. I may consider if he is redeemable or if a story arc would add anything to his character.

Protagonist

I’m going to start off by being brutally honest that I don’t care for either of my protagonists anymore and would have to re-write them. Both Kinvara and Saoirse fall into the trope of “not like other girls” and I don’t like that. It was such a common storytelling trope at the time of writing that I didn’t see I was falling into it when actually I was trying to make them outsiders in their respective worlds. For this reason, I give them each the grade of D because they’re not hopeless characters but they need some revisions.

Kinvara was the opening protagonist of the book, she is shy yet observant and doesn’t like the current place she finds herself, as an exile on Searbh because of her parents’ loyalty to Riordan and his wife Saoirse. Kinvara is intelligent but a bit judgmental, and has great dislike for her sister Aoibheann as being a frivolous girl for chasing after boys, yet Kinvara effortlessly gets along with the boys, making her a bit of a pick me girl too. Not what I intended! My revisions for Kinvara would be to eliminate with tension with her and her sister, making Kinvara more likeable. I’d also like to make her a bit braver and more willing to seek after the connection to the faeries, in doing so going on her quest without a guy to help her. I’d love to see her face down with Tearlag in a David and Goliath kind of scenario, completely humbling Riordan in the process for fighting this battle for him.

Saoirse was just too dang whiny. Like, if Riordan made her life that miserable I’m not sure why I kept them together? Through the process of the handfastening marriage they had a year to figure out if they wanted to be married, Saoirse could have left after a year since Riordan never stopped his relationship with Caoimhe. I’d like to keep Saoirse’s inner struggle with managing her emotions and feelings of rejection. Her addiction I think brought a depth to her character as self-hatred was a demon she was wrestling with. A relatable thing. Her mentorship with Cheiftain Conn was a plot line I didn’t explore enough, as well as the friendship with Brigid. Saoirse fell into the trap of being defined by her relationship which was not the kind of female lead I intended to create. Defintely a lack of experience in character development on my part.

Faeries

I absolutely loved developing out the idea of faeries in the story based on Ireland’s legendary origin story of a mythical people who founded Ireland called the Tuatha de Danaan and the Formorians. It’s where the legend of the banshee, Finn McCool, and the Children of Lir come from. The imagination of Irish storytelling is incredible and I wanted to incorporate that possibility back into the land of Ireland itself through the character of the faeries who communicated with the sensitive in society – Kinvara and Chieftainn Conn.

This provided a space to dabble into fantasy with magical portals to another dimension and unexplainable powers that would be channeled through the land itself, particularly the sea. Sometimes it would be channeled through specific characters in the story like Caoimhe being endowed with the powers of the raven, essentially a morrigan or banshee. Kinvara could sense would the faeries wanted and could feel the lack of peace within the land itself for the evils being carried out by the Viking raids and Tearlag. For how much imagination and possibility this storyline gave to the story of Udal Cuain, truly a driving force for the adventures and conflicts that awaited the characters I would give it an A+ grade. This was the best part of the story and made it feel unique.

Combat

As a sensitive person I didn’t expect to enjoy writing fight scenes but it was a lot of fun to write moments of struggle and strategic movements. It was something that grew in scope as the story evolved to a point where the characters were sometimes even fighting the environment around them. This added a spooky element to the battle scenes as the enemy was not clear. Would it be a human opponent? A human opponent with a pull over nature itself because of their connection to the faeries? Would the enemy be almost supernatural in strength like the Raven? Or would they just be a dang good fighter? These were ingredients for the pacing and intrigue for the story as it was a battle of kingdoms and ideas. I would give the combat scenes a B for their solid plot movement, but I’m holding back from giving it an A because I could have created more dimension in the story if I had been willing to lean into these battles more and move the story forward instead of being wishy-washy on characters dying.

Final Thoughts

I recommend taking a look at your writing in this rating type of analysis because as I wrote this I felt such clarity on what I liked and didn’t like. I think if I had done this while I was still working on the project I may have been able to revise and carry on instead of getting overwhelmed and burn out from the stress of my day job. Thanks, dear reader, for going on this little retrospective journey with me.

#30 – Watercolor, My Old Friend

Over the weekend, I felt a sudden urge to paint again. I’d shunned my art supplies for two years, collecting dust on a shelf. Art was such a connection to my dad and is family, when that connection became strained my love to create with paper and paint became complex, a time of dark contemplation instead of creative freedom over what was and what could have been. As we drove home on Monday night, passing through a frantic rainstorm to the breath of fresh air that is sunshine, I was struck by how beautiful the summer sky is in the evening. The tall clouds of a thunderhead, whispering clouds on the other side, a pink and orange fantasy against purple and gray misty sky, all grounded by the rolling green hills below. It was a blast to soak in the sights of these big sky moments as we drove north back home on a interstate.

The next morning, in bright sunshine I decided to give it a go and try to capture what I saw that evening – this is what I came up with. It was a joy to create with this medium again after so many years without picking up a brush, but with a clearer head. I guess time really does heal everything. Do you like watercolor painting or sketching? Have you left a hobby for years only to realize it is something you really love?

Sunset After the Storm

Rain in a Fading Light

Clouds in a Misty Sky

Insomnia

Have you ever experienced one of those nights when no matter what you do you can’t drift off into the delightful slumber of a good night’s sleep?

I’ll go through bouts of bad sleep in the summer when the humidity sets in and the night is just a bit too stuffy. Those first weeks of summer when the warmth comes to rest overnight, and the fan radiating air from the window can’t seem to beat back the soupy air. Recently though, it was a bigger boss battle. The wandering of my mind to landscapes of worry.

Night Awakens My Creativity

I’ve always been a night owl. In the past, if I’ve been in the middle of a project at a job or heavy weighted exam in school it hovers in my mind when I am trying to sleep. It’s like I can’t allow myself to stop, rest, and recharge. I want to keep going. Keep creating until it’s perfectly done.

Sometimes my best ideas for garment construction or writing a scene in a fiction story come in those wee hours, trying to drift my mind off to sleep. And I’m not abnormal, this is pretty common, even glamorized as the artist’s life.

I don’t love the timing of these creative streaks, but I have over time learned the discipline of telling myself, that’s enough – it’s time to turn my mind off. That’s what it feels like, turning my mind off, like flipping an invisible switch to motivate my inner creative machine to close shop for the night.

But worry. Worrying, fear, anxiety, etc are the emotions I still have yet to best when they interrupt my sleep. With my mom having surgery this week, I’ve been best friends with insomnia. My mind has been restless, even combative towards peace and relaxation. I’ve been a tightened spring coil, resisting the welcoming aura of my bed in a false sense of control that if I worry about her surgery that I can somehow keep bad things from happening. Like I have any control over this thing!

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4 ESV

I remember in therapy for anxiety and panic attacks in college, the thing that was the most helpful but the most painful was my therapist telling me that I was not in control. Ouch. It made me feel so dumb and small, yet the conviction and freedom I felt were like a cool breeze on a hot sunny day. It’s the illusion of control that makes my mind tie up into knots. But the stark reminder, the tough love of being told, you can’t control these things that overwhelm you, well it takes the burden off of my shoulders.

His Way, Not Mine

I’ve been thinking about that a lot on these nights of tossing and turning in what-ifs.

These dominos of confusion that I mentioned in Spiraling in Silence are not there for naught. With the personal maturity and spiritual wisdom I have sought out in 2023, there has been a path of growth and progress. But with growing comes growing pains, and spiritual maturity comes testing. And although these back-to-back weeks have been annoying, they have been a reminder to keep growing.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28 ESV

With June marking the halfway point of the year, it can feel like a good place to stop, to rest. I mean, especially in the United States the beginning of June is the kickoff of vacation season. You’re supposed to “leave it all behind” and have some big, never-ending pool party/beach vacation/barbeque, that is at least what the commercials are selling. But with my faith, there is no vacation season, no coasting if I am seeking growth. Because God uses all things, the annoying bouts of insomnia or the big things – medical procedures that scare us – for good.

When we are worried or scared, because life is ripe with troubles ready to knock us down, it is encouraging to remember that these are opportunities to rely on God and all that He does for us. It is the time to rest in His plan and provision, for example, the provision to bring people into our lives at the exact moment we need them, that shower us with the love and support we crave when life makes us lonely.

Gratitude and Kit-Kats

One of the best ways I have found to get my head out of worry when I can’t sleep is to distract myself by counting my blessings. Even when life is going bad, I’m amazed at how many good things are going right in my life, that I simply forget about until I stop to think about it. Simply being alive, with a roof over my head and a meal to eat are huge things to not take for granted.

I have yet to beat the boss battle of my worry, and it still bests me most of the time, but I am learning how to change my perspective in those moments, and that sure feels like a step in the right direction. Getting rest and recharging in some way during those bouts of worry and lost sleep is more precious than I realize too. Everything seems 10x more complicated when you are fighting through insomnia

I caught myself last night being an absolute jerk, just because I was tired and cranky, and honestly scared to not be able to sleep again. But you know what helped pull me out – a piece of chocolate. That small little delight of chocolate, and watching something that made me laugh. It’s those little things which bring joy in the midst of meh, that remind me that I have so much to be grateful for and so much more purpose than wallowing in a bad mood of worry and bad sleep.

Thank you, dear reader, for spending time with me. I wish you restful, restorative sleep tonight. I sure hope I can do the same!

Spiraling in Silence

I like transparency and honesty, yet I have not been honest with myself this week. I have been a spiritual dark cloud with a disinterested heart towards reading my Bible and spending time each day with God. I have been running from Him, which has set me on a path of unrest and a posture that is lacking in self-care.

Neck Anxiety

Literally, my posture has been one of emotional unrest. My shoulders and neck are making me pay for it as I’ve let them get stuck in knots. Existing in the tension of my mind. The physical toll of anxious, spiraling thoughts is sometimes worse than the emotions. Because after it’s over, and my muscles relax I am left with the haunting sensation of sore, aching muscles that were unable to relax in the midst of my mind’s tumult.

This cloud of spiritual funk has left me in an anxious place worrying about things I’m not even sure I should be worrying about.

One man’s sermon should not be so destructive unless that is exactly what the enemy wants. I think I’ve been under attack for two weeks now, the anxiety I am holding in my neck certainly communicates a war in my mind.

Isn’t strange how we can be on top of the world one day and the next something knocks us down into despair. A melancholy that keeps us stagnant.

It reminds me of Elijah’s depression in 1 Kings 19.

Growth to Crisis

I’ve felt so on fire for God for months now. I’ve been stepping out in faith more, speaking out for the gospel, and ministering to my unbelieving friends with boldness. I have been tithing for the first time with consistency, and yet, even when we are doing all the right things tests come. Spiritual warfare comes. Confusion and chaos shake us like Elijah experienced after God defeated the prophets of Baal.

But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.” And he lay down and slept under a broom tree. And behold, an angel touched him and said to him, “Arise and eat.” And he looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again. And the angel of the Lord came again a second time and touched him and said, “Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you.” And he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mount of God.

1 Kings 19:4‭-‬8 ESV

I’ve felt the temptation to be stagnant, or worse to regress back to a place where I am seeking my own will instead of God’s will. I know deep down nothing good would come of that choice. No blessings, no peace, no fruit.

I’ve been silent. Not praying, or looking for any quiet moments with God. I have been shying away from my usual routine of listening to worship music throughout the week, refusing to be fed, like Elijah refused to eat or drink and wished to wither away.

Chaos & Confusion

Sometimes the church has some bad witnesses and presents parts of the Bible in ways that feel more like man’s way than God’s holy way. I’ve decided to abandon the sermon series I’ve been listening to and run from this convoluted presentation of what heaven will be like and the reward system that God has. It has done nothing but cause chaos in my heart, to make me fearful of God’s judgment instead of running to the Heavenly Father with open arms.

My husband has been very patient with me, listening to my worries and my questions. He has been defeating the lies the enemy is trying to trap me in about who God is. He has reminded me that even strong believers go through times of struggle, and these weird time times can produce growth.

It doesn’t mean I am a failure.

As I am writing this I see now that the biggest way this funk has impacted me is the sense of isolation and shame.

I have kept this anxiety from everyone, including my close friends. I have felt ashamed to admit I’m struggling and have put myself in a bubble. As the week progressed I became more and more stuck in my own head. Insomnia and bad dreams have taken residence in my head. I’ve felt run down and not like myself.

Unlikely Gift

I now wonder if the mysterious squirrel or bat that was in our chimney was literally a blessing because it drove me into the welcoming hugs of my friends’ next door. The evening of the mysterious noises should have been terrible, but instead, I think now about how loved I felt. I think God brings those opportunities about to show us how loved and cared for we are, even when we are going through Spiritual growing pains.

God provided for David when David was being chased and brought his complaints to God.

God fed Elijah and cared for him even though Elijah was wishing for death.

God is good. He is bigger than our problems. He can handle our darkness. He wants to be our source of strength and I lost sight of that. I’m thankful God never loses sight of what is important and never gives up.

If you are struggling dear reader, I hope this will encourage you to keep going. You’re not a failure if you are having a bad week or a bad month. Sometimes we go through waves of emotions that are difficult to process and we need to be patient with ourselves. You are not alone.

#29 – The Satisfaction of Mending and Alterations

I’ve found there is something serene about mending your own clothes. I find it almost a joy to launder the items and collect them in a pile for a day of slow, methodical stitches and problem solving. It makes the chaos of holes and rips into the calm of rejoined fabric and orderly hems. There is a satisfaction in fixing an item that was broken, making it as good as new. It reminds me that in life when the problems come, and there will be problems big and small, that it’s not over when trouble comes.

Like last night, when a scratching and rustling sound echoed from our chimney to the fireplace below. All I could picture was that scene in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation when the squirrel terrorizes the living room, scurrying from table to chair, knocking things over and crawling on Clark.

Of course this happened after dark, naturally as it does, when the stores are closed and the exterminator or animal control would be closed. In a frenzy we grabbed a sheet of plywood from the wood shop and covered the hearth opening. I called my neighbor, who has become like framily (friend-family) to me. They shared advice from their own experience with critters in their house, wrapped me in a hug and calmed me down with some good laughs. When I came back home, although the bat or squirrel or whatever it is, may still be on the other side that plywood I felt okay.

Having caring and friends who love and support you is the mending thread of our lives when things get weird.

Seams and a New Gadget

Today’s mending agenda consisted of re-attaching a missed seam on a pair of underwear I bought from a big brand, the pieces of fabric were connected across the seat seam with a serger aka overlocking machine and it either ripped the fabric which dislodged it from the seam or the pieces did not get sewn together in the first place. I have a love-hate relationship with the practice of serging ends and seams. I know it saves time and uses less fabric to finish seams but dang, they tend to unravel like nothing else. So, is it really better? I’m not sure. But that’s my opinion.

I’m doing a repair on a tank that I made from a burnt orange knit fabric. I made an unwise decision to take it in at the armhole which made the fit around the bust odd. It’s pulling and the stitches are placing too much stress on the knit fabric, which I saw the aftermath of while unpicking the stitches that made the armhole smaller. There were some big rips! Now the underside of each armhole looks like it was chewed up. Which to honest made me feel a bit stressed out because I enjoy wearing this piece and I don’t have any more fabric to patch the whole with. Thankfully my new gadget made this process of closing each rip easier – the palm thimble!

As I mentioned before in #21 – Sewing When I Lost the Love For It I have developed tendinitis in the knuckle of my middle finger of my sewing hand. This is what drove me to stop hand sewing in general and get used to using my Heavy Duty Singer machine. But alas, there are still times when you need to sew by hand like when inserting a zipper, mending rips and holes in fabric, and button and buttonhole insertion. I ran into this problem whilst completing this vest for my father-in-law. Just a few hours of hand sewing these buttons and button holes, awaken my injury and my knuckle was not happy. It’s made hand sewing a bit tense for me because what if it keeps getting worse? I love doing this, I don’t want to stop making things or knitting.

But, I was browsing my Instagram feed a few days later and behold a creator I follow named Geri In Stitches was sporting an intriguing accessory – the Sashiko thimble by which she pushed the needles through the fabric with her palm instead of putting stress on her finger. I used mine today for mending and it was a completely difference experience! My finger is not in pain, the knuckle is not inflamed or swollen. It worked! I’m over the moon excited about it.

Taking in Garments

Along with mending today, I also took in three pairs of shorts that were just draped to the point of looking silly. It’s an interesting feeling when I have to take items in because there is that feeling of, dang, now I have to fix something that wasn’t even broken just for the right fit. And there is also a feeling of accomplishment because I have been getting healthier.

I’m tackling my inflammation from food allergy and stress, toning up through interval training sessions, and making healthier choices that is helping me slim down a bit. I went through a decade of gaining weight and not understanding why I couldn’t lose it. It was frustrating and discouraging to feel so out of control. If only I had the wisdom to see how much the mind and the body are connected. The food allergy was giving my body anxiety and inflammation, making it difficult to maintain let alone get in better shape. Mind was so foggy from the stress and emotions of that time period that I didn’t want to take care of myself because I thought – what is the point?

When I have the opportunity to do these alterations, it’s this little moment of progress without having to weigh myself on a scale which is my ultimate trigger into a unhealthy spiral, but also to feel this moment of this will be an easy sewing project today. The item is already completed, and well loved. It’s relaxing compared to garment construction when I can still screw things up.

Later on today, I have another round of alterations, replacing a waistband tie on a pair of shorts and adjusting the fit on another pair of shorts. And then it will be time to put my thimble away and leave process for the next time. But with each wear I will remember the time and love put into these clothes to keep them in good order. A well loved closet.

Do you mend your own clothes? Have you ever taken a garment to be altered or do you just make it work? Before learning to sew, I would just accept my fate if items broke or stopped fitting. It’s a freeing feeling to not be stuck in letting the clothes decide for you. I’d recommend giving it a try or finding someone who can help you with their own sewing skills. It truly makes a difference.

Current Travel Bucket List 2023

Daily writing prompt
What countries do you want to visit?
View all responses

Japan

This has been a slow burn since getting into Japanese fashion aesthetics, which ignited my fascination with styling and fashion design. Fruits magazine was the gateway to an intensifying desire to learn, experience, and appreciate Japan and its culture. From Japanese Ninja Warrior to Studio Ghibli to Akira Kurosawa, each has been a step deeper into an affection for a country I’ve never been to but feels so much like a place I could feel at home.

Since watching James May: Our Man in Japan and Ivan Orkin’s episode of Chef’s Table, I’m certain that I will go there someday, or else I will feel deep regret. The beauty of the land and the rich culture calls to me. My goal is to be fluent enough in Japanese by that point that I will be able to communicate in Japanese more than in English. I know it’s a lofty goal, but it would mean so much to me. After traveling to Rome and Paris, I realized how much I wish I studied Italian and French before arriving.

Specific places I would like to see would be each of the islands, Kyushu and Shikoku for sure, and spend time outside the big cities. I’d like to see Hokkaido blanketed in snow. Preferably this trip would be a slower one to explore without rushing through the islands, with time to experience an onsen, a ryokan stay, and a traditional kaiseki meal. Attending a Japanese baseball game would be high on my list too as well as staying in a rural village.

Argentina

This is a new addition to my travel list, thanks to the wonderful travel content of Samuel and Audrey, who have showcased Argentina’s beauty and food with such authenticity. Before finding their travel videos I knew little to nothing about Argentina, but the experience Audrey and her dad share through the vlogs and memories of living in the Cordoba region have piqued my interest! Lately, they’ve been sharing their experiences of visiting Estancias in rural Argentina near the Patagonia region. The scenery is breathtaking.

Australia

To be honest, I’ve wanted to visit Australia probably since I was a child. I grew up at the height of Steve Irwin’s Crocodile Hunter show. Steve and Terri Irwin’s work beyond crocodiles, educated me on the incredibly unique animals of Australia which in turn made me want to go to this one-of-a-kind place. As an adult, Melbourne’s unique food culture is a driving force behind a visit, as well as the Australia travel van life videos of Flying the Nest have expanded my interest in seeing all of Australia.

Kenya

This is a special one. Through Compassion International, I currently sponsor a child who lives in Kenya. Sponsorship means that I help his family with schooling costs and health insurance basically. It takes the financial pressure off of his family. With that being said, I would love to see his home country and experience his culture. He and his family are so dear to us and it would mean a lot to visit Kenya. I’d also love to explore Africa beyond just seeing Kenya. Top Gear UK has done two Africa specials, one in Botswana, and another one that explored Central Africa (Tanzania, Uganda, and Rwanda) which looked like an amazing trip.

Poland

Karolina Zebrowska put Poland on my radar and her love for Poland has been contagious. Poland itself is beautiful. The pictures and videos I have seen of Krakow look stunning. Growing up in Western Pennsylvania, the pierogi is a staple that I adore. The Polish delis around Pittsburgh are fantastic and I’d love to experience the authentic food of Poland. Another reason Poland is on this list is because of the people and their empathy, compassion, and generosity. The way in which they welcomed Ukrainian refugees into the country with love and open arms, taught me and challenged me to emulate this instead of being a complacent American. It’s about people, not politics.

Korea

K-Pop. That’s really the basis for my deep desire to visit Korea. Before K-pop entered my life, I knew very little about Korea except the cuisine was delicious. After being a K-Pop fan for 1.5 years, I’ve dived into other areas of Korean culture and I’m a fan. It looks like a stunning country with incredible food, people, hiking, and baseball. I’d like to see Seoul and browse the K-fashion boutiques and street food while exploring the city on foot like Seoul Walker. Busan and Jeju are on my list too, as well as attending a KBO game.

China

China might be the most fascinating country of them all. The vast amount of diversity in culture, geography, and cuisine, is overwhelmingly awesome. Xiran Jay Zhou and Mike Chen have educated me, as well as the many Anthony Bourdain episodes in China, that China would be a never-ending story to explore and that excites me. Now this is the one country on my list that I don’t think I’ll actually make it to. The China I want to experience and the China that currently exists are in conflict.

The government’s despicable actions towards Falun Gong, Christians, Hong Kong, Tibet, and the Uyghr genocide, to name a few. Not to mention their general lack of regard for their own people’s human rights and free speech is in tatters. So this will probably remain only a trip in my imagination. But, a girl can dream.

In my dream scenario, I’d like to soak up the architecture of both ancient and modern. The mountains of Zhangjiajie National Forest Park are breathtaking. The rainbow mountains of Zhangye and the Fujian Tulou circular homes look fascinating to explore, as well as the Terracotta Warriors in Xian. Pagodas, tea, noodles, bao, art, moon gates, etc. I’d like to see as many provinces as possible and go east and west, north and south to try to scratch the surface.

#28 – Banchan, Hiragana, and EuroCrash

Have you ever tasted picked daikon? It’s a delightfully vinegary and crunchy root vegetable surprise from a vegetable I’m not sure I would have tried without the pickling. Popular for both Korean banchan and Japanese cuisine – takuan. As my first canning “solo” project, I decided yes this would be a fun place to start. I thought of the stir fry, noodle, and snack opportunities!

I’m so glad Kyle bailed me out because oh my, it was a lot more work than I expected. I was fine with the mise en place. Peeling, chopping, and soaking the radish in salt to extract liquid was no big deal. I find this part of canning relaxing. Where I got in the weeds was the part that involves boiling water.

Making Pickled Daikon Radish

As a clumsy person, placing glass jars into boiling water to sanitize was daunting. The hissing cauldron of steam and water showed me its fury a few times. Once I got passed getting burned, there was the tiny detail of not breaking the jars when placed into the boiling water. Boiling lids to boot.

Now to the second part of canning, I take for granted when working with Kyle – his ability to understand pickle brines. He can find peace in the process where my head is still computing how this all works. Needless to say, I got nervous and asked him to help me with making a safe and accurate pickle brine for these picked radishes (takuan). 🌞

As I mentioned briefly in #1 – Welcome I am studying Japanese, something I plan to share more of at a later point, but with studying Japanese, canning this Japanese dish gave me the opportunity to practice writing hiragana. I chose to label the jars in Japanese to give myself the opportunity to practice not only writing the syllables of the hiragana writing system but to hopefully retain these syllables in my brain by having to read the word in Japanese. It’s a small detail, but I hope to do more in order to commit the language systems and words to heart.

Crosley: A Fine Car

We had a rather big delight dazzle our television on Thursday night – the premiere of The Grand Tour’s Eurocrash special which may be the best one they’ve made on The Grand Tour. I say that every time a new one premieres, but I don’t know, this one just hit a new stride and then topped all my expectations. It’s like the new Ateez album that was released on June 16, I was a fan and then they made the Bouncy (KHot Chilli Peppers) Music Video and I’m fangirling even harder.

I’ve watched Eurocrash twice since Thursday and I’ve laughed as much as I do when I watch Top Gear UK with Clarkson, Hammond, and May. Their creativity continues to surprise me.

I particularly enjoyed the three cars selected for this road trip through Poland, Slovakia, Hungary, and Slovenia. Richard chose the toon-town convertible truck, the Chevy SSR. It looks like something Goofy would drive around Disney World in the 1990s.

Jeremy’s Cruella De Ville car I absolutely loved because I have an affection for cars aesthetics between the 1920s-1940s cars. I love design from that time period and sometimes I wish the shift in car design into the 1950s had been pushed back for a few decades. The Mitsuoka Le Seyde reminded me of the cars in The Legend of Korra actually.

Now James’ car was a whole other ball game, it was an actual 1940s car that aside from the terrible engine seemed almost futuristic to me in that wonderfully nostalgic way of the Jetsons. I think Crosley had some good ideas with it if only the motor was made for an actual car. The hot rod with a specific slogan was their best comedy backup car to date!

I left that special feeling properly chuffed and dreaming of visiting the beautiful countries of Eastern Europe.

#27 – Scones

Each week I find myself, hands covered in dough. The way I used to be as a kid, except instead of baking bread or sweet roll dough, I make a little thing called a scone. Or “scon” depending on whether you hail from Northern Ireland. It’s a simple thing. A new part of my routine. That little moment of quiet time, as I cube the cold butter and measure the dry ingredients. It’s a ritual. Between my fingers, I delve deep into the bowl molding vegan butter, sugar, flour, and baking powder into a sandy mixture. A sandy mixture that feels like the sand on the beach, a little wet, pliable. The sand I still love to squish in my hands, in a drifting mindless void of experiencing the texture. A sensory delight.

In the rhythm, I cube the butter. Careful, long cuts with a sharp knife divide, and divide again until with swift chops little butter cubes line up on the counter. Flour cup after flour cup, building a powdery mountain in the bowl. A sprinkle of sugar, leavening, and salt. Blend, blend, blend, and watch Youtube. Let your mind drift away to far places. Watch the squirrels hop around the yard. Add water and raisins, and make a wet, sticky dough. With a spoon drop the scones one by one on the parchment. A warm oven, here they go.

My scones are a bit like biscuits, a little like shortcakes. A dash of raisins, the quick lift of soda bread. They are an amalgamation of what I remember relatives baking for me as a kid, and a new thing influenced by new boundaries. New limitations by a dairy-free restriction put into the practice of a nostalgic moment. I cannot bake the way I used to, but I can still make things with new ingredients. I can carry on the old ways of the past but in a way that makes sense to me.

Coming from a Northern Irish background, my grandma’s side called them “scon” and she made them with raisins. She drank tea and ate them with a little butter. Traveling south, I had biscuits – buttery and lightly sweet biscuits which felt like these scones of my memory. Strawberries and shortcakes, with a dash of whipped cream, a dish reminiscent of evenings at my mother-in-law’s house. A quick baked treat after a long day of hard work, that we would eat while my father-in-law showed us old episodes of Star Trek. Irish Soda Bread is an item I discovered later on in life to celebrate my heritage. A treat my mom would make on St. Patrick’s Day. Its dense yet fluffy texture creeps its way into my scones. These are a bundle of memories in one bite.

A bite I have quite often now. A bite that is my current breakfast staple with a handful of berries and almond milk whipped cream. I eat this with a cup of Yerba Mate.

I used to avoid breakfast, I simply wasn’t hungry. Then I picked up some bad habits like granola bars, pop tarts, or sugary cereals to start my day. This is the first breakfast routine, I appreciate. Maybe it’s the responsibility of making those scones by hand and keeping the freezer stocked for the week that has given me agency. Or an open eye to how food is nourishment, not fuel, not the enemy, nor is it a coping mechanism that reminded me to enjoy this simple thing.

It’s Monday, and I only have one scone left. I’m honestly looking forward to getting my hands covered in dough, in my little weekly routine. To create that taste of home in one bite. For the love of baking. The joy of homemade, handmade things that are a privilege to make.

I hope you have a wonderful start to your week!

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