Author: Magz

Listening to the Bible App’s Audio Version

I looked back through my posts the other day and realized it has been over a month since I shared a Bible Study post. I was surprised by this, but then I thought about it. Yeah, it makes sense, I’ve been aimless in my Bible reading. Opting to listen to the audio version on the Bible app rather than to sit down and have quiet time with the Lord. My reading routine in the morning has become a floating plan to whenever I take a break to be still with my Bible reading. As it goes life has gotten in the way and I’ve found myself fitting in a Bible listen at the end of the day while I get a shower, do my nightly planks, or while I work out. It’s been in the background, and I’ve wondered, am I getting as much out of this?

The Book of Daniel

It’s certainly been different. I’ve noticed that I am less likely to be familiar with the text, as in where in the chapter or book of the Bible I can find the information again. I don’t take notes because of the format change which has led to a decline in journalling about it. A positive is that I’ve been invigorated by this audio form in sections of my reading that have been confusing, laborious, and even a bit strange. Yes, I said strange and I am talking about the Bible. The last half of the book of Daniel is quite strange. It is a multi-chapter section of prophecy so otherworldly that Biblical scholars cannot perceive its full meaning. It has not been revealed to us yet or maybe it is not important for us to understand it, because as a 21st-century human maybe this prophecy from 600-500 B.C. simply isn’t applicable to us in the new covenant.

Even now as I begin to mention this section of Daniel I see an important point of my audio Bible listening illustrated – when I read this prophecy section my mind gets bogged down by what I am reading. I instinctively want to understand the text for the process of reading comprehension like they trained us in school but alas, I can’t fully understand it. In this process, my mind seems to get the loading screen of doom and I tend to get overwhelmed and stuck in one section of the Bible for a long time, fruitlessly. What I discovered while listening to the final chapters of the book of Daniel while riding the bike and other cardio exercises was that I could absorb the information in its strange form and let it be absorbed without getting bogged down. The narrator read the fantastical images as they were written in the text. My mind accepted it and took it in because it acknowledged the narrative nature of the text without needing to figure everything out before I accepted it.

Now should I go back and take notes? Yes, I need to definitely go back through that section because it has some descriptions of creatures that are more bizarre than DNAmy’s Cuddle Buddies combinations. The images are like Pokemon come to life and I want to try to make sense of it again. But I learned something valuable, if there is a section I feel discouraged by because of its height of difficulty or simply the language being used, listening to it is a viable option. So I tested this again.

Paul’s Correspondence with Corinth

My hypothesis proved fruitful. Listening to confusing first-century A.D. letters from the Roman Empire can certainly become easier to understand if they are read to you. Why? I believe it is because they are written with different grammatical standards and trends due to their translation and age that make it sometimes painful for a 21st-century reader. Think about Shakespeare or the Greek Tragedies – would you rather see them performed or read them to yourself? Unless you are Rory Gilmore, I would say the performance option is going to be the popular choice. Honestly, this made a huge difference. Paul is a fantastic speaker, he also uses continual run-on sentences. But if you take the context back to a letter that was read to the congregation, well then, we don’t write the same way we speak, do we? It helped me simply understand the point of his sentences. To glean the correct information and accept the information which specifically tries my patience. I’m referring to the case of certain passages addressing the women of Corinth that are difficult to get on board for in my modern Western context because they seem to muddy the waters.

Now the Apostles did disagree on things and both points of view are recorded in the canonical Bible, but context also plays a role which makes reading these sections, like 1 & 2 Corinthians a bit of a chore. These letters were written to address specific happenings with specific people and as such because they are letters yet included in the Bible, this makes understanding whether it applies to all of us to this day or just the women of this 1st century congregation is higher than my mind works. There is a lot of reading by faith and prayer because if I don’t I just get frustrated by the confusion.

Random Acts of Audio

I would highly recommend switching between reading the Bible with your physical book and listening to audio versions. Last night, I listened to the narrator read through the Book of Joel and most of Amos, which are books that are not cheery. God is both angry and disappointed in His people and that can be hard to read at times. Not only for the prophecy of destruction but for the pain God is feeling because His people have rejected Him and rejected Him for centuries. When a relationship is disrespected and treated as less than over and over again, there is acute pain. Studying the Bible has a transformative power in which you begin to see things through God’s perspective and not your own. It is sad thinking about how my Heavenly Father was betrayed by his children and yet is bound by His righteousness and justice to cast out evil. It reminds me that relationships, done badly are filled with pain for both parties. I’m not sure if I would have understood all the meaning contained within Joel and Amos’ words if I had read them instead of hearing them being read. There was repetition to their narrative structure that was evident as they were being spoken, as the prophets Joel and Amos would have done in the 5th and 7th centuries B.C. Interesting stuff, right?

Little Black Top

I love finding a good deal on fabric, and this one was a remnant – score! I got 2 yards of this heavy-weight knit jersey in pinstripe for either 6 USD or 8 USD. My original plan in the store was to try my hand at making a hoodie. Then I pivoted to a flowy jersey dress for winter. I cut the pieces out and began to drape on a form to see what this idea was going to turn into. I liked the drape but I was concerned it was too boxy for my frame, hitting mid-thigh.

In shaping the sleeve, I noticed this fabric although a jersey more kin to athleisure portrayed the weight and image of a suiting pinstripe of the classic menswear blazer. Especially if I straightened out the curve in the shoulder. And that got me thinking, should I go for a jacket?

I drafted some lapels for a collar and cut open the front of the dress. It was going well, looked like an interesting coat silhouette. But the fabric’s drape from the knit jersey began to betray the design. It was droopy instead of structured, like a cardigan? So I went back to the drawing board.

Today I decided to trim the bottom off, and then I trimmed a bit more because I cut it wrong. With the lapel collar pinned and one sleeve sewn in, I tried it on and reflected on the length. The long cardigan shape now a cropped hip-skimming garment, stopped and pondered. It needed something.

I looked through the pieces, discarded on the table from my cuts, and began to play with options.

If I was going to make a blazer I would need a button placket on either side for the buttons and button holes to be anchored securely. The lapels needed mitigation from the awkward state of their current appearance. I began to place the collar in different postures along the neckline opening and down the front.

I hemmed the bottom and sewed in a possible placket onto the opening of the jacket. As I re-situated the collar, I realized I could make this a blouse with the placket and drape the collar to change the posture of the garment from a structured piece to a more flowy and relaxed garment more in line with the fabric’s character without losing menswear blazer inspired look.

With this in mind, I attached the second sleeve and sewed up the front, connecting left to right with the bridge of that placket piece. By using the stripes in a contrasting way, the centerpiece and collar flow together like a false scarf sewn into the top. It retained the elevated chic attitude I was looking for in a blazer but with the comfort of the cardigan. I think I will get a lot of wear out of this piece. I tend to gravitate towards dark and cool-toned colors in the fall and winter.

As Chanel declared the little black dress as a wardrobe staple of any woman’s closet, I believe a little black top that you can dress up and dress down is just as important because 100 years later, sportswear separates are the gold standard building blocks for our wardrobe. What is one of your favorite colors to wear? Do you have a staple piece in your wardrobe? I tend to gravitate towards dark and cool colors in the fall and winter.

Scenes of October | 01 Geese and Fire Red Leaves

This weekend I was blessed with the autumn splendor of a gray, spooky drive through the countryside (to Walmart, very aesthetic) and to get cheaper gas (another prime highlight reel moment, PA Gas Tax-core). It was absolutely stunning and unrepeatable because those leaves were that exact hue for that day. They have since deepened or faded. Maybe they were blown off their branch by the breeze of the cold front or simply washed to the ground by the rain. It was special. I also saw many Canadian Geese. In the air and in ponds, a few were standing in the road blocking our way forward. I loved it.

Since then I have been inspired to experiment with techniques to recreate the splendor of autumn through my pastels and to begin drafting a flying geese project, maybe a painting. These are my practice sketches from today.

My You’ve Got Mail Moment

Do you remember that scene in You’ve Got Mail when Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox are at that dinner party, and he is antagonizing her and all she can do is stare at him? Later on, she emails NY152, and Shopgirl reveals how frustrating it is that she happens to freeze when someone pushes her buttons, and instead of having anything in reply her mind goes blank. I was thinking about this scene over the weekend as I had not one but two encounters with rude behavior.

The first was on Saturday, in Joann Fabrics. As I browsed the clearance fabric in a narrow aisle cluttered by overhanging fabric bolts making even one person in the aisle feel cramped, a woman who was probably a Gen-X to my Millenial, pushed her cart down the aisle and proceeded like a flash flood to move forward. Not saying anything, she kept walking, and walking, until I felt her cart in my leg and then she started saying in a syrupy voice “So sorry, excuse me.” She continued to push until I realized, she wasn’t apologizing, I was going to be moving or getting run down by a cart. The idea of not physically moving me out of the way did not exist in her mind. At that moment, all I could think of was “Where am I supposed to go?” which was ignored and I skedaddled out the aisle and watched her not even look at the section I was in and carry on to the next aisle where she did the same thing. I was baffled. I thought the behavior was coming from a pushy desire to get the fabric I was looking through, and now I think she didn’t even noticed that it was there or that other people existed in the store.

Now reader, the reason I am sharing this is not to rant or put her down, but to discuss the frustration I have in my own mind that I freeze in these situations. My mind goes blank like Kathleen Kelly and I wish it didn’t not because I want to be a mouthpiece of malice towards people I find rude, but instead to have any way of voicing a change. To have the maturity and the wherewithal to speak in wisdom and inspire people like this to re-think their behavior so that instead of being the person everyone in the store was avoiding, this woman could be a person bringing warmth and good energy to the group. But I can’t think of a single thing in those moments. I can’t even stand my ground respectfully without getting scared. I wish I could be a better person.

Now the next day, stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic due to road work, the unthinkable happened. We were merged into the left lane due to the right lane closure for road work and a woman who was old enough to be my mom, screamed down the right lane refusing to merge until she ran out of pavement. That is when she began to throw her Audi SUV, not a cheap vehicle, into the two-foot gap between us and the next car. We had nowhere to go and she continued pushing. She stared us down and began telling us that she was getting in and that’s that. She came within inches of taking off the right front side of our car, and it was only prevented by the traffic in front moving forward at the exact time. I was verklempt and rising in anger at the wastefulness of her actions. I don’t know the financial situation she has, but paying off my car has never felt easy. Making the progress I have has felt like a miracle because I bought it used in 2021 and it was marked up due to the car shortage, but we needed a running car. I would never willingly use it as a battering ram because I have to be first in a merge lane, because it is worth too much to me to treat it like an expendable accessory. It gets me from point A to point B and I am grateful to have it. I would never want to take someone’s transportation away to get one spot ahead in a merge lane.

That situation was just a bad moment, that happens because people can be pretty crappy, but I’ve replayed the moment in my head and wished there was some way in those crazy highway moments to diffuse people. Make them see reason and remember that these big life-altering actions, don’t have to happen. You can back off and apologize and people will respect you for it. How can we inspire change on the road and inside the aisle of the store? I wish I knew.

#36 – Gratitude and Growth

This year has been weird, weird because I tried something new. I took a step back and let something that had felt out of my control for years be out of my control. I stopped pushing, trying, fighting, and shape-shifting. Instead, I waited. I took my hands off of my relationship with my mom and submitted it to God. I was at rock bottom, our relationship hit an all-time low in January. We were no longer Rory and Lorelai, we were Emily and Lorelai careening towards Emily and Gran. Things were bad. Our communication was broken, and both of us seemed to be unbothered by the problems, allowing it to be the status quo. For just shy of a decade our relationship had been in a bad place. My life took a wrong turn when I was in college and never righted its course. We were no longer pals, but secretive enemies.

I thought this was the final destination for our relationship. I was not hopeful. I put it down and left it. For months I barely spoke to my mom. For six months we did not see each other. It was the longest break we ever took. Even when I moved 14 hours away, we saw each other within 5 months. The distance was too far. This year it felt like I lived on the other side of the world. It pushed me to be still to process what I was doing wrong and to realize what I wished our relationship could be like.

When my mom had surgery this summer, the thought of a complication taking her away woke me up out of this experiment in distance. I visited her and it was strained, but doing a normal thing, like visiting your mom after surgery, seemed to bring a little normalcy back to our unbridled mess. As she recovered our relationship ebbed and flowed like tides. One day we’d be comfortable, warm, and friendly. The next it was cold, distant, irritating. I began to wonder if the small bit of hope was just that a small taste. That maybe it was what it was, and I needed to adjust my expectations. Could we get along in my adulthood? I was uncertain and began to think that maybe my mom was my best friend as a kid because I was young and different. Like my personality and needs have changed and that was how it was. I began to encourage myself to accept it, but I didn’t like it.

But then August and September came and something changed. They came to visit us, and we went to visit them. We stayed for the weekend and went to a familiar fall haunt, the Antiques in the Woods show in Ohio. I had fun, I remembered the past times we had together at this event, and I met a friend of my mom and grandma’s who told me how much they loved my mom. They told me stories of moments I missed over the past decade when I was not interested in spending time with my mom and painted a portrait I hadn’t seen in a while. They reminded me of who my mom could be and why I was always so proud to have her be my chaperone on school trips or invite friends over to my house because my mom can be really cool and a sweetheart. All the baggage of grief, growing pains, family fights, moves, it had all clouded my vision. I was seeing through the eyes of pain and past, I wasn’t seeing her in real-time.

We hung out with them again recently and went to Erie Bluffs State Park. I remembered how much I loved traveling with my mom. When the trip began my plan was to show her Erie in hopes that she would like a place I was considering moving to, but instead, I felt this pull to not leave again. I felt this peace to remain where I am and be comfortable in the familiar and close proximity to home. To not be afraid of staying close to home and not be scared or ashamed of my roots. I’ve learned a lot this year and I feel immense gratitude for the process of how I learned because if I had not fully walked away, my eyes may have stayed clouded in the lens of the past instead of looking toward the future and appreciating what is right in front of me. My Lorelai to my Rory, my home that still remains, the ideal mom-dad-dog-plus a husband that fits like a missing puzzle piece, the family I always wanted. I just needed to wait and be open to things getting better.

Will we probably fight again? Oh most definitely, but have I learned you can repair what is broken. Yes. And that is what I am grateful for. That might be the most important life lesson because it teaches resiliency.

Clouds Above A Field | 01

Do you ever look up at the clouds and get struck by wonder? How can they be so vivid and fluffy yet intangible? They are not the plush spaces in the sky that we dreamed of as a kid. Nor are they driveable like on Mario Kart. Yet still they are perfect in their ever-changing form.

The Details:

Bunny Hat (Loverboy Hat Recreation)

This is a project purely inspired by Stray Kids and their Los Angeles shows from their 2023 Maniac Tour. I was fangirling hard for these hats, and so are a lot of people because even with a high price tag the hats have been sold out. I really wanted one that would emulate the joy that these hats create in my heart and so I decided to try making one. Now, I’m recreating what I can see in the image and because I am not using a pattern, I have no idea if my dimensions are correct at all. That part actually makes me feel better about recreating the Loverboy Bunny hat because I will have to put my own spin on it!

The Inspiration

Adorable, right? Their stylist killed it. I love how cartoonish the hat is yet at the same time it feels wearable and is warm. A casual staple for a maximalist. The middle photo is from the Maniac M/V which I forgot Seungmin wore this hat in the video. I probably have been wanting this hat for a year and a half without realizing it because I was obsessed with the fashion of the Maniac video in 2022.

The Process

This was not an easy thing to figure out. I referenced photos of Stray Kids members on stage and the actual photos on Loverboy’s site. I made the mistake of including the Amazon knockoff as a reference because the ears are far skinnier. I used the knockoff ears as a guide for my first attempt and finished two ears before realizing they were too narrow. Therefore I cut the knot and frogged my way back to a ball of yarn. Three attempts later I determined the correct ear width. Yes, four attempts. At times this project felt cursed!

I decided to rib knit the ears for two reasons, it was accurate to the original and I would not have to double layer the ears because the tension of the knit would help the ears to lay flat instead of rolling and losing the bunny ear effect. I wanted the ears to have a lightness to them so that they would move with me and even blow in the wind behind me like Lee Know. I have wanted to be a Leebit through this project, maybe that’s why this project was so chaotic.

The hat itself was a different story! This was the easiest process I’ve ever had with the hat and it by far took the least amount of time and fits me quite well. I made note of how wide the pattern was to be able to replicate this style of the hat again in future projects. Possibly another Loverboy hat.

Wrap Up

Overall I’m thrilled with how this turned out! It’s exactly what I was imagining and I am so happy when I wear it. Bunnies are a favorite animal of mine, especially lop-eared rabbits. I like the chaos of the ears and how they drape from the hat crown. I think I will get a lot of wear out of this. I’m looking forward to the cool weather to continue to style this into a look. Because of the reference, it also feels like a piece of merch from the band. I still regret not finding a way to see the Maniac world tour but it just wasn’t the time to go. The Oddinary comeback was my first experience and it remains a favorite for me.

If you have a crazy idea, go for it. You may just make something or make a memory that you will absolutely love. Now I’m going to try to make a mooncake for the first time. Until we meet again.

Lake Erie Bluffs – 2023

A memory captured on a recent visit to Lake Erie with my family. I’ve been here twice and the view was stunningly different each time. I could stare at that horizon forever.

The Details:

Scenes of September | 01

I know Autumn is knocking on the door when I see these purple flowers in the fields around my town. The goldenrod may make me sneeze but the sight of the yellow, gold, and purple makes my heart sing.

The Details:

Slea Head, Dingle, County Kerry | 01

A memory from 2001, the drive around the ring of Kerry. This is a view, near Slea Head looking towards the An Fear Marbh (The Sleeping Giant/Dead Man) Island. A quick sketch made with chalk pastels. At the time, I didn’t understand the grandeur of what I was staring at when I was eight, but now the beauty of Ireland’s scenery lives rent-free in my mind.

The Details:

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