Day breaks upon your expectant face, and the birds sing for you.
A cup of coffee and a table set.
Sunrises, newspapers, the melody of your voice.
I’m lost without your light.
Shadow, little, shy.
They tell me to keep going. Chin up, grow up but I still feel small.
Morning is not as bright. The bird’s song is hollow.
What is coffee if you’re not making it?
Little, shy. Goodbye.
—
And just like that, 4 years pass by?
In 2020, the Strawberry Dress by Lirika Matoshi blew up in popularity becoming one of the most iconic garments from the year. It still remains in my head when I think of a strawberry dress, a garment I wish to buy because it is so joyful. But at USD 490 it’s a bit out of the question for my budget at this time. Although I wish, it isn’t going to happen. But it has become an aspirational garment for me as a designer. I hope to make something with the same amount of joy, attention to detail, and iconic statement!
So when I was digging in my fabric stash this winter and found this interesting Swiss dot gingham, light pink trim, and flower buttons I knew one thing I had to make – my own take on a “strawberry” and “Sakura blossom” inspired dress.
A perk of being on this small holiday of sorts from my life, and staying at my mom’s house means endless inspiration from her garden. Around Mother’s Day we went to a local greenhouse and found this hanging strawberry plant which beautifully displays its growing phases in lovely hanging tendrils.
I’ve been fascinated by the way strawberries grow, from blossom to fuzz ball, to fruit. I chose this little vignette as my first sketch because I liked how it displayed the life phases from new bud, to blossom, to fruiting, to baby berry, to unripe strawberry.
On April 27, 2024, I was thrown a massive curve ball that set life in a bit of a tail spin that to be honest I’m not sure if I have still recovered from mentally. It was a lot!
In March I contacted my landlord to renew our lease for the next year, I like to do it two months ahead of the renewal date to make things go smoothly. In writing, she said yes, great. I thought, wonderful! Everything is settled for another year. At this point it was our third year living in the house and we were quite settled in, our landlord seemed pretty chill, and the house felt like home. I had set up a studio finally in one of the spare bedrooms, Kyle had a woodshop in the garage, everything was organized just right and the place gave me such a sense of normalcy where other rentals had not.
In April, my landlord had acted a little weird. She never followed up to sign a lease, which she is incredibly type A so I thought maybe she was busy? Then she asked if we wanted to buy the house, without any context if this was a serious request or a passing fancy. It was not the first time she asked, she did that in our first year and followed with she had no plans to sell. Odd, right? Well, on April 27 at 8pm she announced to me that she was not renewing our lease and we had three days to decide if we were buying the house from her at $210k USD or she was putting in on the market immediately, even though we had one more month on our lease.
We were flabbergasted to be honest. What? What! How did we get here? And who is this new pushy person trying to rip the rug out from under me? We took the three days to pray and consider if this was even possible, could we really afford that much? And why was the price so high for this small house, on a small yard that honestly needed some TLC after years of being used as a rental not a cared for home.
I think as humans we crave security, steadiness. The day before I felt incredibly steady. We had a place to live that was safe, with running water, heat, electricity, privacy. It wasn’t ours but as a steady tennant that paid rent and took care of it, I really didn’t see why they would want to lose that? I was clearly playing checkers when she was playing chess.
We decided to move forward with buying it in hopes that if we walked forward in faith that God would provide. Either the door would continue to close or it would slam shut. But another door would open. It may not be what I wanted but it would be according to His plan and He would provide an alternative. I clung to that as my stomach filled with butterflies that never really left. All month long.
That Monday I began the intimidating and confusing process of applying for a mortgage, and after what happened with taxes this year that became a little tricky. Those new tax penatlies for not filing quarterly had took a bite out of the downpayment we had been saving for and it was looking grim. I think those pre-approval forms are grim and confusing even if you are planning to do this, it’s just endless numbers, questions, terms, word vomit of legalese and bank jargon. With my head spinning as Rocket Mortgage said nada, my friend suggested I check out my bank and this is where things began turning around!
Irony of irony, I was matched with mortgage officer who grew up in the town the rental was in and he was friendly, knowledgeable and began to kick the tires on these unexpected shenanigans from the landlord. I learned it was going to be tight but possible if we wanted to buy it but that $210k was a ridiculous amount for what the house was and I was recommended by the bank to proceed with caution because on their end the math was not mathing on that price.
Things got a bit more interesting when the landlord began laying out the terms of how this was going to go. It began with stating that we were not using a realtor but a settlement company she knew with a number that didn’t work when I tried to call them. Next there was the timeline. She wanted me to write up a sellers agreement, until I began requesting an inspection and contingencies in case the value wasn’t as high as she insisted it was. She was giving us a deal you know, at $210k USD. It was a steal! She could get way more if she wasn’t doing this favor out of the kindness of her heart!
There was also the interesting niggle of the hand money, a concept I learned about this process which is where the buyer gives 1% of the list price to be held by the real estate company until closing. After the sale is final, the seller receives the money but not before. The landlord insisted that I give her a check for $5k USD to hold the house made out to her. Um, sketchy. Very sketchy. I told her several times that I couldn’t make contact with the settlement company and she wouldn’t give me the accurate contact info. Oh so sketchy.
But that’s not the end of the suspcious behavior. When I inquired what would happen if closing took longer than the lease, she promised she would never kick me and my husband out, we would just pay rent until the closing, pro-rated of course. This is where things changed though. I raised concerns over not being able to make contact with the settlement company, along with things about the house I knew were broken that the landlord had dodged fixing over the years. With her permission I had an inspection done, which she was quite disgruntled about when he found $40k plus of things that needed to be fixed that were now on the record. She began to get aggressive with me. I raised the need for things to be put in writing because under Pennsylvania law landlords are required to give a tenant 60 days written notice to figure everything out before a landlord can sell or remove a tenant. This enraged her, and she told me I was lying and her lease was above the law.
An hour later she showed up at the house and threw documents at our door which were quite interesting. There were some things that are not up to code in the house that she had acknowledged in the past and yet she seemed to get a very sudden case of amnesia. She gave us a “sellers agreement” that was just a disclosure saying that there was nothing wrong with the house, specifically lying about things she knew were broken. She signed and dated it. Next was a piece of paper saying that we were buying the house and were paying them rent for June until we closed on the 30th. This was also signed and dated.
We were told in an attached note to sign, date, and write a check that either she could hand deliver to the settlement or we could drop them off to the company (that I couldn’t make contact with) telling me of course she would get me the number. By this point, it was beginning to feel like harassment. From April 27 to this point it had been fortnight of her calling me and texting me almost daily with nagging about getting this settled as quick as possible or else. It was incredibly unprofessional and rude. I felt like a child instead of being respected as an adult with responsibilities and work I had to do. This lady’s only job is landlording and she had all day to contact me which was really frustrating because everything in my life was beginning to revolve around her wants and demands so that she could move to Florida, asap with a big chunk of my change in her pocket.
Thankfully, I began to learn more about this situation from friends who are professionals in the real estate business and people in the community. I learned this house she bought with cash in 2010 for $105k that she flipped into a rental. Her number was $210k because she wanted to double her money plus a little extra from her $5k finder’s fee. There was no mortgage so all rent was icing on the cake. In the three years we rented from her, where she raised the rent, plus the hefty security deposit, she made $36,400 off us alone. This is where I could clearly see what made her tick. Greed. Because we could have easily done a rent to own, or figured this out in January, but the element of surprise was going to make her more money like a shakedown.
At this point it was pretty clear that any negotiation or talk was useless. This was a fools errand that I wanted no part of. Thankfully there was a new door opening a very exciting new door. But one part of it still remained, how would we transition from this place to our new home without drama? This ate me up for weeks. I am quite scared of confrontation and pushy people. My dad is a narcissist and uses the same tactics. Each conversation with her felt like it ripping up old wounds causing me emotional distress. My appetite was gone and restful sleep drifting beyond my reach.
But as all foolish people do, give them enough time and they will self destruct. That she did. On May 22, we received some very expensive mail. Mail from a lawyer on her behalf pressuring us to buy the house immediately, to pay her rent for June, and to send her the hand money. If not we had to get out on May 31. Even though the lease said we could continue paying her rent until we figured something out. She sent us four copies of that letter with postage at $8 USD a pop, I’d assume his hourly fee is quite steep as well. It was petty and it made us feel incredibly defeated. How were we going to do this when our new home would be settled in June? Do I need a lawyer? I knew she had no real power here because of PA tenant laws but this was beyond what I was comfortable with.
Sometimes the cost of standing your ground is too much for the mental toll it will take. I had stood my ground with my dad, and other narcists but this time there was too much at stake for someone who is who she is. Nothing was going to change her mind, it would only get worse. It makes me sad when peacemaking is not possible. I really think we could have had a different outcome here and brought this chapter to a close with mutual respect in place. I truly thought she was a nice person for most of our time renting. It was shocking to see how it all changed overnight.
Was she seriously going to make us move everything into a storage unit for a few days instead of working with us? The answer was yes. So we moved it all with the help of family and the provision of God we got it all done before May 31. I’m not even sure how we got it all done!
Now as I write this I am still waiting for my new house to close, but I sit here in the safety of family who generously gave us a place to crash until we can move in. I don’t know where I would be without people who love me and I hope that I will have the chance to pay it forward in the future.
What can I take away from this wild month? Well I’d say it has proved to me things I already knew were true. Money is the root of all evil. Foolish behavior and greed are good friends. Impatience and haste get us no where. Wisdom and love are worth more than money. Community is what makes life rich. God never drops us, His faithfulness prevails over the plans of man. Family and friendship are priceless. The United States house crisis is real and without God’s provision this story would have a different ending, which has made my commitment to donating to Light of Life even stronger in my mind because no one should fall through the cracks in the system because of someone else’s greed.
I’m sorry this was a bit of a long winded one, it was a long, chaotic story that I have been wanting to talk about since it started but didn’t feel comfortable until l was out of there. I hope wherever you are you know that you are loved, worthy, and have more value than all the gold in the world. ❤
I wanted to be quick and write this post before their full album release on Monday because the Supernova release has been one of the most fun comebacks they have had I think since Next Level in 2021, which was how I found Aespa initially. This song has dethroned “Supernova Girl” from Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century as my favorite futuristic, y2k, outer-space-themed song. That is no small compliment, I’ve loved that song and the styling of the movie since 1999. That being said, Aespa blew me away with their ‘that tick, tick, bomb’ bridge and funky mix of Portal 2 sounds, reminiscent of the lasers and aerial faith plates, layered over the signature production of Dem Jointz. I wasn’t expecting that signature “Incoming!” line that I find on most NCT albums. This was the fun noise music style I was missing from the current comebacks of Stray Kids, NCT’s solo work, and the releases of girl groups so far in 2024.
I love a music video with a good costume change, and this one gave me four! The stylist for Aespa hit it out of the park with these experimental yet familiar pieces giving the eye a tasting menu of throwback futuristic pieces yet styled in a way that felt now and new at the same time.
In one short story, we move from streetwear with mesh and bright colors, to light pastel pleather for that space-age feel, to vibrant, shocking, and furry accessories that look like the star exploding, to a y2k jeans look in gray tones as the supernova is complete. The girls are blown into the wind.
My favorite look of them all happens to be Winter’s pink tutu look with platform shoes. She resembles a magical faerie or modern-day superhero without the cringy Hollywood painted-on catsuit. Other details I appreciate are the vampire fangs, pointy nails, intricate braids, colorful eyeliner, bubble hems, dual eye colors, chunky jewelry that looks DIY in a good way, and Gisele’s bedazzled cast.
Each member seems to have special powers in this music video. Winter can fly, Ningning can fire bend, Gisele can change time, and Karina has superhuman strength. They have the power of the “Supernova” and are a unified force to be reckoned with. I love that Karina falls to earth like an asteroid to open the scene. There is imagery of heat and destruction, darkness and light, brokenness like the dying star, and birthdays like a star reborn through the explosion. They are like a storm but are also a source of power.
This comeback feels like Aespa’s lore and concept coming full circle where other bands have drifted off into randomness, Aespa is keeping the story of Kwangya, Black Mamba, Naevis, and the real world all in its premise. Some were disappointed with the shift to being in the real world with Spicy (2023) and Drama (2023) as falling prey to the 2000s nostalgia bug sweeping the 2020s.
But I see their comebacks as chapters in one story like Ateez does so well. For Savage and Girls they were in Kwangya, Kosmo, and the Flat. They have fought Black Mamba then coming into the real world with Naevis in My World, continuing the fight in Drama. For now, it seems like Supernova and Armageddon are returning the girls to the other dimension but reborn with powers instead of being consumed by the destruction. I am very excited for May 27th to behold what is in store for their first full album!
Oil Pastel on paper. Sketched in pencil. Wildflower, rock, and weeds as I remember them on a late April day or early May day. To be honest, this month has been so chaotic I can’t remember when I went to the creek to sketch.
This drawing was sketched with a live subject, on the trail beside the creek in real life with the real soundtrack of water, birds, and insects buzzing. It was the first time in many years that I had sketched in nature like that and it was wonderful.
Drawing in nature, not only cleared my mind but helped me immerse my mind in what I was doing. This process slowed everything down for me and reminded me to go back to basics in my artistic approach. To take the extra time to draw careful pencil lines to indicate details I wanted to preserve, like the levels of the rock. To have that impression committed to pencil and paper instead of relying on an image from a phone or drawing something from my imagination.
From muddy base to jagged peaks where the moss grows to the lines of the leaves on the Great Trillium plant. It helped me remember where the light was washing across the form and what was hidden by shadow. If you would like to see more of the wildflowers from that trail check out April Wildflowers.
What is your favorite thing to sketch outside? Do you like to draw small details or sweeping impressions of landscapes? Are you more of a still-life or landscape person? I’m a sucker for flowers. I love their infinite imagination and stunning wardrobe.
The Dawn Chorus – Robin at 5 am
Super Lady – (G) IDLE’s performance at the MLB Seoul Game
K.K. Bubblegum
Car doors shutting and opening
Japanese spoken in conversation – Coupy Camper Channel
Lose My Breath – Stray Kids (feat. Charlie Puth)
Bamboo Knitting Needles & the pulling sound of yarn leaving a skein of yarn
Endless Phone Calls – Samsung S23
Endless Text Notifications – Hala Hala by Ateez
S-Class Whistle – by Felix
A tin lid opening – Rooibos tea tin
Suicide is Painless – M*A*S*H
Wife – (G)IDLE
The rushing current of Wolf Creek tripping over rocks and weeds
Buzzing of bees and other insects pollinating wildflowers
Old WW2 jeep noises – TFL Classics
Dogs barking endlessly
Tap – by Taeyong
The sound of nothing – noise-canceling headphones
The sound of paper being shuffled while I organize
Fabric being cut by pinking sheers
A gentle clicking noise – Grammy’s Rotary Cutter
Arriba and Jongho’s high note – Ateez at Coachella
Slow even rhythm of a properly tensioned sewing machine
Sigh of frustration at Google’s AI Results update
Dash – by NMIXX
Branches swaying in the breeze
That’s very noice! – Felix, Hyunjin, and Chan
Scratching sound of pastel against paper
K.K. Soul
Killin’ It – P1 Harmony
Clarkson’s Farm Season Three Theme
Materials: 1.5 yards of stretch knit jersey. A remnant cut of fabric. This pattern was self-drafted by draping on myself and adjusting the lines with pen marking. As this was the first garment in this series, there was more trial and error with cutting pieces out of the fabric to reduce waste.
Inspiration: I was inspired by the iconic 1970s wrap dress, designed by Diane Von Furstenburg. I originally planned a wrap dress but scrapped the plan due to a lack of fabric. Because of this, there was probably 1/8 of a yard of fabric left over. With more practice, I’d like to reduce that amount to smaller pieces of scrap leftover.
Materials: 2 yards of stretch knit jersey and 6 buttons. It is a heavier weight jersey and feels like a light sweater. This was a remnant cut. I developed my first official bodice pattern from this process.
Inspiration: 1900s men’s buttoned henley baselayer tops from the gold rush era in the United States. Think “old western” dramas, Deadwood, or Red Dead Redemption. I cut it oversized to carry the theme of it being a men’s garment. During the cutting process, I was able to utilize almost all the fabric with only 2-inch scraps being left over.
Materials: 2 yards of stretch knit jersey. To utilize as much of the fabric as possible, I chose to get creative with my pattern cutting. To do this, I pieced together the bottom and portions of the sleeves to use up almost all of the remnant, with 2in or less scrap pieces left over.
Inspiration: I was inspired by the design lines of early medieval tunics. I like the simplicity of the lines and the lengthening effect it has on my proportions. For more information about Viking Age tunics, I recommend checking out Project Broad Axe for historical recreations and additional background on the history of Viking Age tunics.
I remember sitting in Art class, the last class period of the day, half listening and half daydreaming, while my art teacher explained the fundamentals of art to my class. I recall perspective, positive and negative space, color, form, repetition, etc. I wished I had paid attention more because I realized I was forgetting an important one – the focal point.
As I previously mentioned in Koala Drawings in Pencil, I wanted to improve my drawing skills by sketching a muse that made me happy and would challenge me. I found my koala inspiration photos on Instagram from the account @gohachi__ which captured images of koalas with so much expression. In my first drawing Koala Scott in Oil Pastel, I mentioned I was thrilled by how it turned out! I loved how the inspiration photo gave me a great perspective of the image and was pleased with the oil pastels for the texture it gave to the image.
I hoped that my second koala drawing would produce the same result but this is not what happened, and it took me a while to figure out why. The original sketch had positive and negative space, and form, and had a focal point – the koala crawling across the main limb of the tree. But, once I added color through my oil pastels, the focal point became murky.
Now is this because I used the wrong medium to add color? Possibly. Or it could be that there are so many details in the original photo and I let those details distract from the focal point of the drawing. Art and photography are related, but different. They are mediums of expression that capture moments but in different ways. Photography creates a scene or captures a moment in time, whereas art can live in a world of imagination. When we look at art it gives us an illusion, connects to an emotion, and gives us an impression of a moment. It’s not a one-for-one match-up. I realized my mistake was that I forgot to think like an artist, instead, I focused on replicating the image which is not going to provide the same emotive qualities that good art does! In my Koala Scott drawing, replicating the koala was the right move because the focal point was clear.
The photograph I used was zoomed in and focused on the koala and its expression. I could let the background fade out of focus and let the koala’s emotions and communication be the star. But the koala crawling across the limb, framed with smaller branches, added clutter to the image. As a photograph, it works because the composition is made for it. As a sketch it was fine, but as a piece of art with color and texture it falls flat. I’m not satisfied with it.
As a perfectionist, I hate making mistakes, but as a student, I know that making mistakes is an opportunity to learn! Comparing the two finished drawings I can see how I can improve and that’s exciting.
I think we should be more open to looking at our work, mistakes and all, and look at what went right and what we can improve on. It doesn’t mean we have failed. Learning is messy but practice is how we grow so don’t give up if you’re frustrated with your progress on a skill. Growing takes time. Don’t compare yourself to others, judge your work by your past work and see how you have grown! I hope this encourages you to keep trying and keep growing in whatever endeavors you are embarking on. You got this! ❤
Sorry, I have been a bit absent on here for the last two weeks. I can’t wait until I can explain why I have been distracted because it is a really good story. Thanks for taking time with me dear reader and I wish you a wonderful weekend. Until next time 🙂
One Rabbit Riot 