Remaking My First Sewing Project Four Years Later

Last September, I felt this aching in my creative heart to make what I didn’t make well the first go around. A project that some would say was insane to attempt as a beginner because of the difficult nature of velvet and the frustration that is sewing with stretch fabric. The dress pictured below was my first wearable garment. I saw the same purple stretch fabric on sale for Halloween at my local Joann’s and my heart skipped a beat. It still exists – I could try again!

You see the first dress I made was constructed so poorly that I ended up cutting it down into a skirt because I was embarrassed to continue wearing it out. After all, the bodice was bunching up and gathered strangely in the back. I lacked the confidence to keep going and try to alter the dress for success. I see now that it would have been an easy make to take out the gathers and bunches of fabric for clean seams, but that kind of thought came with trial and error. I needed a bit more experience and patience to make it right, and at the time in 2020, my younger self was not willing to wait.

But what if I am living in the past? My mind thought, maybe I should let it be and let the dress be a learning experience. I put the purple velvet down and left it, it was not on sale, it would be a sizeable impulse purchase at 15.99 a yard for 4 yards. I can’t justify 60 USD for a passing whim, that would be a poor use of money. So I left the daydream and moved on. Still thinking about that fabric. Another few weeks passed, finding myself in my local Joann’s again. It was my favorite place to explore. I went to the shopping plaza over the weekend where Joann’s remains live boarded up with the lights still on. It was eerie. I found myself thinking about what was blocked off inside? Was the fabric slumbering in the bolts, waiting to be made into something new? Would the yarn ever find a home in a fiber artist’s hands? It felt like a mistake, a bad dream, but it was not. It is over and now it is just a memory.

Anyway, on the second trip to Joann’s during the Halloween sales, I found my purple beloved. The bolt was still full, now marked down to 7 USD a yard. But this time I couldn’t get the project out of my mind. I’m glad I did give in to the creative urge or this project would be left without an ending. At the time, I had no idea Joann’s was going to go under. I thought I had plenty of time to remake this when in reality the window was closing. As I worked on this dress in 2025, I followed Joann’s story with frustration and weight of expectation. This remake is the final try, for this fabric I will never find again.

I made a different dress from the original and that surprised me. I believed going into the remake project that I would duplicate the same dress but with better technique. Instead, it was a project of feel. This time, I had a dress form I could drape the garment on. I had fabric clips with securely held the the slippery fabric together while on the dress form or for a quick test of fit on my own form. This time I understood proportion and where this dress would fit into my wardrobe instead of making a dress that only went with my moto jacket. I reinforced the shoulders and was thoughtful about my stitching, to make the garment strong. I added darts to pull the dress in where it was fitting baggy instead of leaving it like a velvet sack.

It became something new and I am okay with that. None of us are the same as we were years ago, we grow and evolve with every passing year. Making a dress for now, with the spirit and the fabric of my first garment, but with a new neckline and a new fit I think is an inevitability of learning and growth. I had the patience this time to try on the dress, mark what was not fitting right, and go back to work until it was correct. That was not something I was willing to do when I started, because it was all so new and confusing, but with time and practice, those new concepts became a familiar old friend. Like this tan carpet. It wasn’t until I looked at the 2020 mirror photo and the 2025 mirror photo that I saw it. The carpet in the house we bought looks just like the carpet in our apartment in Meadville. How random is that?

I have one more section of the purple velvet left over that I plan to make something with, possibly a mini dress, a blouse, or maybe a jacket. I think knowing this fabric is a relic now, makes me feel unwilling to finish this scrap project, because once it is done. I’m going to feel like my time experimenting with fabric from my first craft store is done. A chapter of my sewing life is over, and I hate saying goodbye. I’m a sentimental person. When things end, I take it hard. I dwell on the loss and muse on it. It might be unhealthy. It certainly makes life harder as a person who wants to keep things alive that are gone, it’s why I think I was drawn to study history in college.

As I keep making things, some of these projects become an archive of crafting past. What are some things in your own life that have moved from the present to part of your past? Does it surprise you to consider these things as your history instead of your current story? Thank you, reader, for joining me again down this sewing memory lane. I hope you have a wonderful day!

February 24, 2025

Character Design: Mabel Mora and Her Sweaters

Going into the show, Only Murders in the Building, I knew the concept of the show was intriguing. It’s set in New York City, in a classic building, where whodunnit murders take place which the trio solve through their of the time true-crime podcast. The age difference between Selena Gomez and the other two leads Martin Short and Steve Martin gave the story layers from the trailer alone. I was pleasantly surprised by the character design and the costuming which layered depth to each character’s story, like a real person would express through the clothing items they choose.

The most relatable to my taste is Mabel Mora because she not only “knits” as a plot device for “Bloody Mabel” but also wears clothing that looks like someone who knits. Her knitwear throughout season one looks like pieces made by someone who enjoys knitting. They are not your typical off-the-rack sweaters and appear to be knit by hand instead of machine. What makes it feel real to me is the weight of the yarn compared to the knitting needles shown in her apartment. The needle she says would be her self-defense weapon of choice is a thicker needle, for bulky weight yarn. My guess would be somewhere between a size 11 and size 13 needle which is appropriate for bulkier projects.

The wooden knitting bowls, the needles, and the unusual designs of the sweaters featured in this scene speak to the craftsmanship of a hand-knit sweater and place Mabel’s knitting needle in her world. They appear to be knitting which is not always the case in TV shows or movies that feature acts of knitting, the best example of this being Gromit from the Wallace and Gromit series.

Although we don’t see this craft as often in Mabel’s scenes as we see her paint or sketch, the evidence of this hobby is peppered throughout the show from her infamous dream, her carrying the needle in her bag when she jumps tie-dye guy or what lands her the moniker “Bloody Mabel” in season two. Movies and TV shows of the last five years have fallen into a telling not showing manner of character development. For example, in the 2022 remake of Persuasion, Anne Elliot breaks the fourth wall to tell views that she and Frederick Wentworth are “exes” instead of developing the story through interactions, long drawn-out glances as we see in Emma (2020), or Pride and Prejudice (2005 & 1995).

Only Murders in the Building did not take the bait, and instead showed what a 20-something knitter would wear in New York City winter – her handmade sweaters made with yarn colors that look like you could buy them from your local yarn shop. It was a clever character hobby to give Mabel as knitting was growing in popularity with people my age and beyond in the last decade, truly exploding in popularity with the rise of crochet in the 2020s. Every sweater she wears in seasons one and two looks like something you could find a pattern for on the site Ravelry.

It was such a great way to add nuance to Mabel’s character, because how many characters in TV shows knit that aren’t older? She’s a girl with a troubled and complex history, you would expect her to be a party girl or have a dark streak, like the characters of Effie Stonem, Serena Van Der Woodsen, or Jenny Humphrey, but instead, she paints, she knits, she is relatable in a plot that can be quite over the top compared to reality. Mabel is a character I can relate to, which pulled me in from the start to a show that doesn’t feel like it is a modern TV show because of how thoughtful the writing is. It never feels like a cash grab and that has given me hope that maybe this time of reboots and CGI reliance will go out of fashion for stories that once again feel handmade, like a good hand-knit sweater.

Have you watched Only Murders in the Building? Did you like it?

February 17, 2025

A New Project ft. Kyle

When my husband (Kyle) and I bought this house, we were looking for a place that would provide enough room to have a garden. We wanted it to be flat, have good sun, a little shade, and offer room to build the garden we have been planning for years. In our first apartment, we grew shamrocks and a tomato plant with varying results.

With each new place we moved the garden grew bigger. At our place in Meadville, on a steep hill of a plot of land, we bought a Green Stalk system to maximize our vertical potential. In the house before this one, we created a garden of containers utilizing totes we had from moving and five-gallon buckets. It was better but not the best it could be.

We craved something less plastic, more grounded. And so with 2025 spreading out before us, we have been planning a new project – an in-ground garden full of plants selected carefully, but Kyle can share more details about that in his own words.

I’m excited to read his thoughts here as a contributing writer because his passion for gardening has taught me so much in our 11 years together. As I mentioned in my very first post, this blog is a little of this and a little of that. I’m excited to share more about life beyond the yarn and the thread, it should be inspiring scenery for sketching! Which I have not done since we moved but I am craving to do once again. Here’s a snapshot of what we grew in our container garden several years ago. I hope you will join us on this adventure. 🙂

February 14, 2025

#69 – Joann Fabrics, A Crafter’s Thoughts, LYS

We are in a clickbait world, with insane thumbnails and exaggerated headlines. Over time I’ve learned to stop clicking, stop believing, to wait and see if there is an ounce of truth to the “news” on the screen. That was my strategy for the ongoing Joann’s bankruptcy story. They filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in March 2024, which raised many red flags in my mind, but I wasn’t allowing myself to worry. Bankruptcy happens, it should be fine. I decided to wait and see with a cool and calm demeanor. In the meantime, I would craft and mind my business.

In the fall of 2024, a news headline caught my attention – Joann’s was closing a few stores nationwide, one of them being my local Joann Fabrics. What a weird coincidence! But only a few stores nationwide, my mind pondered, that must signify this is okay, right? They’ll close my small store and a few more, not a big deal. No need to be concerned. I have other Joann Fabric locations within driving distance, I’ll go to those!

As the news cycle went, I continued to see thumbnails of a concerning nature as we entered the new year, questions of Joann’s future, and whether they were closing their doors for good. What an odd way to get traffic, I thought. They filed almost a year ago and the consequence was a few stores that would shut down, are these creators making a mountain from a small pile of dirt? I ignored them and carried on my way, thinking of the projects I’d like to make and the yarns I’d plan to use from the ever-growing list of inspirations I have saved.

I love Joann’s Big Twist line along with their collaboration with Eddie Bauer. They have been my two most used yarns aside from Knit Picks in 2024. I use the Eddie Bauer for sock and accessory projects, while the Big Twist has been my go-to yarn for wearables like sweaters due to its soft not scratchy acrylic structure, which gets softer with wear and washing, it is such an affordable yarn that has helped me create in lean times.

I have the same affection for Joann’s fabric department! The amount of inspiration I have found from Joann’s clearance section has been a huge blessing to my sewing journey. It has provided an affordable way to try new fabrics and hone my fabric knowledge without the pressure of learning by sewing expensive fabric for these experimental projects. Some of my favorite makes have been possible because of the clearance section. I also adore their lightweight quilting cotton fabric for summer. It makes a great sundress and no, people don’t automatically see that it is quilting cotton like some sewists fear. The ribbons, the notions, buttons, zippers, thread, interfacing, patterns, embroidery thread, not to mention Halloween decor!

Over the weekend, my alarm bells rang out while watching a new TLYarnCrafts video, because Toni is not a clickbait creator. She and her mom, Gwen, went to their local Joann’s for one last trip just in case of closure. That’s when it sunk in, Joann Fabrics filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy again in January 2025, calling for its sale and possible liquidation by said buyer until Joann’s is gone. I began tracking the updates on Reddit this week and the news was grim with each passing day. My fellow sewists and yarn enthusiasts seem just as heartbroken and confused as I feel by this ominous development. I truly thought Joann Fabrics was turning the financial woes around by closing just a few stores, but I was wrong.

It’s a staple for me to shop there. My local yarn shop and local fabric shop where there isn’t a small local business to support in my area. Joann’s filled that void. It was my first fabric store experience and will always hold a special place in my heart for supplying access to items that gave me purpose through crafting when my life needed a new direction.

On Wednesday, the updates became utterly ridiculous. An official document from Joann Fabrics named 500 of their 800 locations across the United States marked for shutdown. Including all the ones in my area. After I sat with the news I began to feel despair, not for me, but for all the workers who were getting the rug pulled out from under them. I’ve been laid off in the past and it is such a bizarre feeling. You’re not losing your job for a better opportunity or because you screwed up, nothing about the reason which led to your layoff was connected to you. Yet it directly affects your life and it leaves you feeling empty, in my opinion.

There has been a lot of bad news here in the last two months – fires, plane crashes, Tulsi Gabbard being confirmed, etc. The air is ripe with change and I hope that every employee who is being affected by this can transition to their next step with as little stress as possible. You guys did nothing to deserve this, the leaders of your company are taking away a great resource for the crafting community due to their mismanagement, not yours. What a weird year this is and it’s only February.

So this is my little reflection on what Joann Fabrics has meant to me and I hope this is not the end. Even with the sale looming, I hope they will not get rid of the company entirely, it serves a good purpose that cannot be filled by Michaels or Hobby Lobby. This will be a new adventure for me to find other yarn and fabric stores, not local to me but a local small business for someone. Thankfully the internet does exist so who knows where this will find me.

What will never be the same though is the ability to go look at fabric and yarn in person in a store that had it all in the same place, only catering to creative endeavors at an affordable price. It was a third place to be around others who liked the same crafts as me. I’m going to miss the connection to others and the lovely fabric-cutting humans who more often than not had more sewing experience than I had years lived that helped me numerous times formulate my sewing plans. Even if I didn’t agree with them, they were usually right when I went rogue and used fabric not meant for that project. I’m going to miss that.

February 14, 2025

Editing My Manuscript from 2017

Yes, I finally did it. I found the manuscript and shifted through the 250+ pages to wrangle this story of years past down to a neat 187 single-spaced. It was a mental challenge to revive these characters I knew so well and remember who they were and why they were important to me. More important to me than I think I gave them credit in years past. Saoirse, Kinvara, and Biorn were characters I felt connected to because they were just as lost as I was. They had life toss them about, treading water for meaning in the dramatic family civil war they found themselves in. It mirrored life. It foreshadowed the losses I knew were to come and helped me sort out the mysteries of my own life in an imagined Viking Age Ireland full of shifting alliances and invaders.

After all this time, why now? I have two other novel ideas I want to explore yet I felt unable to write again until Udal Cuain was laid to rest. The leviathan of the past which helped me forward when I was stuck. I believe I needed creative closure. It was a manuscript without an ending. I revised and revised the story in 2018, taking it into darker waters. It became too dark for me to continue as my life was moving from darkness towards the light once again, there were things from history and Irish Celtic culture, as well as Norse culture I was unwilling to interact with anymore.

When I was first working on this project, I was steeped in historical research from my independent study about Early Medieval Ireland and fresh from watching the television show Vikings. It was a time when I was hiding behind a shell, numb from unresolved trauma that I was a shell of myself. Hidden away from my true self, masking and unhealthy. The violence of this show and the research on Irish pagan rituals were something I ignored, even though I cannot think of them without shuttering now. These were things, details I needed to remove from my own writing to find my own peace. Not to censor it but instead to be authentic to who I am. If you want to learn more, this novel will just be a stepping stone for more research because I cannot in good conscience tell a story with such evil and bring that evil to you the reader.

The bulk of my revisions were just that, removing things I no longer felt comfortable with to have the story reflect who I am now.

Being in the present, and seeing through the time how I have found peace in my personal life since writing Udal Cuain in 2017, allowed me to give it an ending. I didn’t know where to leave my characters when I was walking through a season of confusion. I see now that I had to read more of my own story before I could write their story.

Why am I sharing this novel on my blog instead of shopping it around to publish or publishing it as an E-book? I don’t know if this novel is something at this time that I am pleased with as a representation of who I am as a writer. It was a story that I needed to write for myself but not something I felt like it was a story I wanted to have out there for people to rip apart. I don’t feel ready to put it to market so I am sharing it on this blog for you the reader to read if you would like to do so.

Analyzing how I wrote the story and talking through the novel planning process has been more rewarding than seeing it as a published book. It was a process that gave me meaning then and still rewards me now for the things I learned through trying something new. When I started jotting down ideas for Udal Cuain I was a non-fiction writer, preferring essays and historical research as a medium to write, as well as a creative expression like poetry. World building? Not a thing I thought I could do, nor did I think that creating characters and crafting dialogue would be as fun as I thought. If you have an idea, go for it! You will surprise yourself by what the discipline of writing and creating will do for your mind. It’s challenging, confidence-building, and relaxing to escape into a world of your imagination. I believe you can do it!

Thank you, reader, for supporting me and viewing those Udal Cuain novel writing posts. It gave me the encouragement to go back and finish what I started many years ago.

February 11, 2025

Magic of Scrap Yarn Cardigan

I was gifted a set of skeins. This yarn lot was made from peruvian wool, bulky weight in shades of slate gray, purple, and navy. It was some yardage but not enough to know what to use it for. 500-600 yards always trip me up. It’s close enough to be a garment so my mind wanders down that path, but too much to be an accessory, unless its a really extra, truly special accessory. I used to knit big scarves like that. I think maybe I got burnt out? Or maybe the scarf as a project feels like I am staying stagnant, not trying hard enough to make? I’m uncertain why I see it from a view point of melancholy.

Around the same time I was also passed down other bulky weight yarn, a green and red acrylic, a bright blue of wool-acrylic blend, and an olive green much chunkier fiber of many balls of yarn. More than I knew what to with. They were all random, similar im weight, and sort of related in color story. Aside from the red, the red was too bold.

Have you ever seen those absolutely scrappy sweaters? Those ones, usually worn by someone in Copenhagen or another chic city where the handknit garment is exquisitely random? A varied and unplanned web of yarn scraps, carefully made into a uniform pullover or cardigan. I love them. I pin them to boards. I save the posts. They fill the void of completeness of most projects, whether fabric or yarn, because they gobble up the bits left over, like a quilt, to rid the maker of left over yarn without wasting it.

So I made one.

February 5, 2025

Socks: An Update

Several months ago, I started a new side quest in knitting – making socks. It’s a windy and treacherous climb, fraught with new equipment and an entirely new approach from a garment like a sweater. At the beginning it’s like casting on a mitten or a small hat, yet as time goes on you realize you are somewhere between a knitter and a sculptor, looking for the heel shape in your amphorous block of yarn. It is the most challenging garment I’ve made, culminating in going over the waterfall, at least that’s what turning the heel felt like at times.

What makes this ubiquitous garment so hard to learn? It’s a project of multi-tasking, like dribbling a basketball and moving at the same time. You are not only knitting a pattern – a sock, but you are also learning it on a new court – double pointed needles or with a magic loop configuration on circular knitting needles. There is also the third option, the one I leaned on when I was baffled by hitting gauge on my project and fed up with ripping out my progress over and over, knit flat tube socks that are sewn together to form the tubular shape.

My first two completed sets of socks were made this way, with straight needles to help me process all I was learning from these new techniques. It was the confidence boost I needed to keep going and finish the sock. I get overwhelmed in new projects when nothing is familiar but taking one part, flat knitting, and keeping that as the control part of the experiment let me knit and see how it should look and feel when the socks are completed. To better understand what I was working towards on double pointed needles or circular needles. Flat knitting also gave me the chance to try something I’ve never done before as a knitter, I cast on two socks at a time on my needles. It was incredibly satisfying to finish each sock at the same time!

With this new found confidence I carried on and cast back onto the straight needles, making a brown pair of socks from recycled acrylic that wash and wear well. These green socks above are a blend that is mostly wool with a hint of acrylic in the yarn and they are hand wash or steam only for me. I wash them gently with either shampoo or conditioner in the sink, carefully to prevent felting. For my next project I wanted to explore fiber content, so I cast on a sock with three strands – two fingering weight wool and one acrylic. I chose this composition to test wear and washability, to make these a sock I could worry less about washing yet would insulate my foot, this was during a month long stretch of cold weather, dipping into the negatives fahrenheit so my mind was on cold weather. I decided to make these chunky socks into a sock I would use to insulate my L.L.Bean duck boots which are waterproof but are canvas, not insulated at all. They are a boot I want to wear for cold weather and snow, but they make my feet cold even with two pairs of socks.

As I got to the heel portion, I knit these socks cuff down, I made a last second decision and transfered my project to my round needles, joining the row into a round a stitches. With my heel turning reference book in hand I began turning that heel! It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be! I don’t think I executed it perfectly, but I conquered a fear. Now, the tough part of the process is that my handwork for circular knitting is subpar. I hold my stitches too tight and the tension hurts my fingers the longer I knit on a project. The only way to improve this is to keep practicing, yet I don’t want to practice. The second sock is cast on but I have yet to make progress on project because I am dreading the circular process and those tight stitches that come from inexperience.

Is this sock the best fitting sock I’ve ever made? Yes! Is it better than store bought ones? A 1000% yes, and I’m a novice so they are going to get better with practice. It’s an art form we wear everyday without thought, but it is truly a sculpture of yarn. Next time you put on a sock, have a moment of appreciation for the geometry, the symmetry, and the sculpture adorning your foot.

February 3, 2025

A Shy Girl Goes To The DMV

I’d say this photo, featured above accurately represents how I feel in situations like going to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) to renew my driver’s license. It’s a blur of moments, faces, government jargon, and touch screens. The big stack of papers signed and passed along in the process of closing on a house is more etched in my brain than the 20 minutes at my local DMV location. There is something about the dull, harsh lighting and bland walls covered in bulletins, electronic screens, and directions. It’s overstimulating and yet underwhelming. It is not a place I feel comfortable in.

This feeling began many years ago during the driver’s permit test process, in a different DMV, equally dull and filled with too many signs and screens. There was always one piece of information I was missing. A document my mom and I forgot, or a process out of order. The test was deceptively easy to study and terrifyingly tricky when taken, and I almost missed too many answers due to the sheer amount of distraction of the dull yet harsh environment.

This time, was one of those such times. Renewing in 2017 was easy, it was a new DMV with friendly people. Renewing in 2021 was an absolute breeze because there was no need to go in for the photo, just click and pay at home. It spoiled me. Renewing this time in 2025 was one of those DMV experiences fraught with tricky trip-ups.

Not surprising for me, it’s been a place I have been thwarted for years, from nervously failing the parallel park portion because I was afraid of my test proctor and his gruff demeanor or forgetting to keep my permit up-to-date and having to renew to test to wait four months for another testing time. The government process is nothing if not inefficient and a war of attrition.

The gauntlet was thrown down. Waiting for Christmas and New Year to pass, I renewed my license online and got stuck in a loop of changing my address. I then could not reach the process to renew anymore, because it was updating my address. So I mailed my renewal and waited. I then received two separate address updates for the license set to expire, but no update on my renewal.

Two weeks passed and I began to anxiously check the internet for a timeline – usually within 15 business days. Oh no, business days…I sent it in the mail on Jan 2, how many days would spend in the USPS system? Then a former president passed, delaying mail service. Was renewing it a month in advance not enough?! We then checked online, showing it had been renewed. Phew! But, when? I received another piece of mail, updating my voter registration automatically, but no temporary license or camera card.

Each day as the mail came, I ran to check it like Ralphie waiting for his Little Orphan Annie secret decoder pen. I began to worry, was my license going to expire waiting for it to show? Was it all going to unravel because of the sluggish pace of the government institution? How was I going to follow behind in my car when my husband’s car went for inspection in February? Was it back to walking for me?

Then one beautiful day I heard the mailbox close with a slam (it’s a very old cast iron mailbox), I scurried from my work room and descended the stairs with the promise of the future in my eyes. My delight was palpable as my hand pulled a DMV envelope from the mailbox. The envelope tore with ease, revealing the temporary license and camera card in my hands. All was saved!

On the next good weather weekend (it’s been a winter of snow squalls) we made our way to the DMV for the last battle left, the camera portion. Now as a shy person, this is the part that still makes me want to recoil. I never liked picture day at school. When a camera is pointed at me I can’t smile normally. I feel like a spotlight bears down upon me, filling me with dread. My smile looks unnatural, sometimes like a grimace if I smile with teeth. If I smile with a closed mouth like I did throughout my braces era, it looks uncomfortable, my shyness written across my face.

Filled with shyness, I sallied forth, pulling my ticket in preparation for a long wait. To my surprise, my number was called immediately and I had to go to a completely separate area, by myself. Something I dread in unfamiliar places. So in a flurry of adrenaline, I went into the photo room and unbeknownst to me went to the wrong side of the table to sit down. The DMV lady shouted at me, my face immediately turning red. Embarrassed and ashamed at my accident, my apologies flowed forth. She continued to scold me in front of the other citizens there to get their photo. It was incredibly awkward.

She was sweet to the other people and continued to speak to me with contempt, even though I continued to apologize for my mistake. I was flustered. Ripping my paperwork and not knowing where to go. Soon the others in front of me were served. It was my time to smile but to be honest, I was so embarrassed and concerned they were going to remove me as a security threat, I knew that wasn’t going to be possible.

Then the weirdest thing happened the lady switched from harsh to calm, saying she needed to yell at me for the camera on the ceiling or she would face consequences. (What? That’s bizarre.) It was tough to trust the nice demeanor, was she going to snap at me again if I made another mistake?

At that point, I was introvert drained from the drama, and wanted to hide. My posture could not hide my internal feelings as I sat down in front of the camera. Flash, the first picture snapped displaying a red-faced blank expression. She offered me a retake and snap, and a turtle-necked miserable-looking photo appeared on screen. I believe she offered me another retake but my mind was far away.

I continued to make mistakes, including selecting Arabic on my screen to fill out a few more things for completion. As she handed me my card, she apologized finally for scaring me, which I appreciated and I wished her a good day. I looked at my ID card and was horrified, the person doesn’t even look like me. The bottom half of the image is stretched out, compared to my photo from 2017 it looks like I aged and let myself go from how distorted the image is from what I saw on the screen.

It was the cherry bomb on top of the 2025 battle: DMV vs. Shy Girl.

I’ve tried to remind myself that what is important is that I did it, I didn’t cry when shouted at, and I didn’t give into my anxiety and bail. I did it and persevered, the bad picture happened but it doesn’t reflect what I actually look like and no one is really going to see it. But dang, what an awful experience! I think why the new picture feels like such a jump scare is it is all my fears wrapped up into one – aging and looking ugly and fat. My culture is obsessed with thinness and beauty. Plastic surgery is becoming normalized and it is sickening how vain we all are becoming. I forgot to do my hair, I didn’t wear foundation just a little eyeliner, and I forgot to gua sha.

The picture was just me and things out of my control like getting scolded, bad lighting, and a stretched image created something without beauty, because beauty is not the goal for the DMV, it is clinical and for the process of identification. It is a stark contrast to the world of filters, good lighting, and curated perfection fed to us in this current age. Seeing that ugly image, rocked my confidence because even though I find my worth in Christ, I still live in this fallen world that equates beauty and youth with virtue and worth. So what happens when life happens and time passes? We become older, we gain weight and no longer look like the size 2 self from our teen years?

Is everything past that point worthless? I realized, as I looked at the image of my expired license and the new one that having the same picture for two renewals, warped my view of how I am aging. The younger version also was far more curated as a coping mechanism. I used to be a stickler for straightening my hair, wearing makeup, jewelry, and food restriction to be in the beauty standard to blend in, like an outer shell. Protective, candy-coated.

But the younger version of myself would have been unable to cope with a stranger yelling at me without crying and shutting down. Any picture of myself I saw as ugly, I had no confidence even at my skinniest. All the things that have happened since 2017 – loss of loved ones, getting shunned by family members, reconnecting with my dad and his family only to get hurt again, losing my place to live, having nowhere to live, and crashing in people’s guest rooms for a few weeks, moving to Georgia and back, subsequent moves out of sketchy landlord situations, my first job, my first layoff in a global pandemic, etc.

It’s been a lot and through that process, I grew character and began to unmask. So what if I don’t look the same as I did in 2017? I thought I looked ugly and fat in my 2017 ID photo and was ashamed. It’s just a photo on a driver’s license card. I like the person God has shaped me to be more now in 2024, than the person who was lost and far from God in 2017. Cheers to growth!

January 29, 2025

Checker Board Pants: Making Pants From Your Favorite Jeans

In 2024, I was inspired to start making pants. I had attempted making pants before and they were successful but I struggled to make them feel like more than just a pair of lounge pants. Part of this was caused by not choosing a good bottom-weight fabric, and instead opting for a lightweight summer cotton that draped beautifully but didn’t give me that tailored look. I also tried an ill-fated scuba fabric in 2023 that crashed and burned because my thread tension was off. Enter this checkerboard denim print I purchased at Hobby Lobby. It was denim but lighter, not too heavy to be a problem for my sewing machine. But how would I find the right pattern?

I had a pants pattern in my stash for menswear trousers, that I considered using on this project. It’s a solid pattern and would make a straight-fit pair of jeans, maybe not the style I was going for though. I considered buying a new pattern, but then I fretted that the pattern would fit me weirdly or might not fit at all. The current style in 2024 still featured that tapered-in waist on pants that favor an hourglass figure, not my rectangle athletic build, so should I risk it? A big reason I chose to make pants in the first place was that I was sick of shopping and trying on pants that made me feel weird about my body. The men’s section was my go-to for their up-and-down pattern cutting, compared to the extreme tapering and high waist silhouette of women’s pants. Even low rise was stuck in mid-rise inseam, not the true low waist inseam I was accustomed to in the 2000s and early 2010s that helped me find good-fitting jeans because they favored my shape not the post-bbl world of fashion. I digress, my point is that buying a pattern someone else drafted felt like a risk because the fit is such a personalized thing.

My solution was to take a pair of pants in my wardrobe that I liked the fit of and to trace that pair of pants to gauge the shape. I did this with a pair of jeans that were high waist but had a nice loose fit through the hip and leg for the K-pop-inspired baggy jeans style I was interested in making with this 1990s Vans checker board print. This worked swimmingly! So much so that I traced the jeans onto a piece of brown craft paper for a quick pattern to reach for on future projects.

I chose to record this project, start to finish in video from instead of video to have a memory of how I did this to learn for myself and remember what I did but to also inspire others to try this. Pants are intimidating, especially from a paper or PDF pattern. The written instructions and diagrams have puzzled me in past projects but truly, pants are simple once you see how its done. I wanted to help others feel that freedom to create because at least in my American fashion market, fast fashion has destroyed the craftsmanship of pants and standardized sizing. I referenced this in a previous post, Shaping Up where I had to confront the dressing room terror of things not fitting and seeking to not be defined by my jeans size, when trends and pattern cutting shape shift sizes, but to take control of it on my end and get healthier in 2023.

This pants project was one of the most challenging and rewarding projects of 2024. I faced my fear of sewing denim, inserting pockets, and fastenings. I chose to not attempt a fly into I had more pants sewing experience, instead I planned to make what I knew I could achieve under my skill set. I opted for a side closer with a drawstring to have an adjustable fit since the denim had zero stretch. The denim containing no stretch was a feature I sought because I believed it would be easier to work with as it was my first project of this kind, and I wanted a crisp tailoring from the woven fabric. A key thing to note is that the jeans I used for my template also are non-stretch denim. For an accurate this is paramount or else the project will not work. Either you will cut your project too large or too small. It is also essential to leave a seam allowance on your pattern pieces. When self-drafting it is your responsibility to take charge of the seam allowances and plan ahead.

I messed this up with the crotch line and had to make a quick fix. My fix was a diamond gusset. Popular in women’s leggings, this diamond gusset shape piece allows for greater mobility while maintaining the strength of the seams.

The second challenge I faced was the problem of a narrow bolt and an all-over pattern. This fabric was quite narrow and because I was cautious with my seam allowance, I cut my pieces large. This meant that I was not cutting from the longest side, but the most wide. The pattern pieces were cut out missing length on the leg. My solution was to add on to the bottom and pattern match. It’s easier to match than people say, it just takes patience and intentional sewing. I’m pleased with how seamlessly I got my pieces to match up.

The pockets were a challenge. How do you place them? How do you insert them with strength so the pockets can be used without pulling the pants down or ripping? I chose to place them angled on the sides, aligned with my hips so that they would be practical and not create weird bunching at the front of the pants. No wonky crotch fit here!

Would you make your own pants? I hope I inspired you to get creative and go for it if you are sewing-inclined. Thanks, reader, for joining me once again on this quest to grow my fashion design skills. Have a wonderful day!

January 21, 2025

2025 Intentions

Have you ever watched one of the Top Gear UK challenges, from the good old days of Clarkson, May, and Hammond?

The amphibious cars, DIY caravans, lorry drivers, hot-hatchbacks, cheap Porsches, etc. There is one thing in common. There is a scoreboard, the points make no sense, it’s all a big laugh, and on that terrible disappointment, it’s time to end.

This is what I equate growing an Instagram was like in 2024.

I did the things. I’ve made many pieces of content across stories, reels, and posts. I’ve sewn and knit a varied amount of things. I’ve done silly trends, serious reviews, inspirational posts, filmed tutorials, recorded thoughtful voice overs, and participated in the “add yours” cards on stories.

I turned on metrics. I carefully analyzed posting times, consistently shared things to keep engagement up, took breaks to avoid spamming, carefully thought of 3-second hooks, transcribed subtitles, filmed artistic shots, and agonized over lighting. I networked, supported other creators, and tried to make genuine connections. Got burned a few times by people who only interacted with me for the follow and stopped talking to me and following me after months of supporting them. It’s tricky making friends on that platform. Connections are either amazing, lovely people, or not at all. I met several lovely people too, it wasn’t all bad.

I ended the year with higher engagement, more friends, and negative or neutral growth depending on the refresh. The metrics contradict themselves constantly. I’ve lost as many followers as I’ve gained. I’ve learned I had ghost followers who were keeping my engagement low. I also had accounts following me that left the platform through Meta’s deactivation due to idleness. It’s one of the worst algorithms, showing your followers your posts days after you share them. Zuckerberg, do better.

I ended 2024 feeling like I was on a Top Gear challenge. Meta added and subtracted points to my metrics total willy nilly, like Richard Hammond getting minus “exactly the points he had” so that he ends with naught. It was nonsensical and mind-boggling. This platform provides no satisfaction in what you accomplish. I got one point here, minus a thousand there, 20 points for this task – yada, yada, yada.

So 2025, what am I doing with my time? What am I working towards? I am going to write more and move on from growing an Instagram account to open a shop. Not interested anymore. It’s not happening and I think it’s a blessing. Fiber art creation is going back to being a hobby. I’m not going to be a fashion designer, or a pattern designer, or a sewing educator, or a part of fixing fashion. I am going to make things I like and have fun, and share what I want where I choose for the fun of it. I have a backlog of projects that I haven’t shared here because of the distraction of Instagram. I am looking forward to writing more, new things, and celebrating the victory of finishing the Udal Cuain manuscript. Available to peruse here. I’m going to do art, I’m going to garden, to bake, learn things, and work hard. I’m excited about it. The key intention is to focus on fulfillment over productivity, and when my to-do list is crossed off to feel fulfilled, not productive.

What are your plans or goals for 2025?

January 14, 2025