Tag: social media

#34 – Shaping Up

*Trigger Warning – weight, self-worth, ED, sizing* No worries if this one is not for you ❤

I wasn’t planning to write about this, mainly because I felt so ashamed a month ago when I visited my local outlets with an expectant heart to find the perfect baggy jeans to match my YesStyle inspiration photos, instead of finding what I wanted I got my butt handed to me by the un-standardization of standardized sizing and underwhelming offerings of American denim in 2023. Yeah, it was that kind of trip.

Rude Awakening

So I knew I would not find exactly what I was looking for because I was inspired by the offerings of Korean brands YesStyle and Acubi Club, and American fashion is different. I also knew that the reflection in the mirror would not look like what the photos looked like because I’m Irish-German-Canadian and not Korean, I am built differently. That was fine. I’m also not the same size as most K-pop idols because I’m not in my late teens-early twenties, plus the addition of age, stress, and developing intolerance to milk and casein protein, my body put on some weight. I’m not happy about it but I’m working on it so that I can lose the weight and keep it off.

With all that in mind, I forgot that there has been a shift in the desired body type since the last time I bought jeans. Slim-thick and curvy hips are out, heroin chic is in. Yikes. I say yikes because the last time this body type was during the y2k era and 2000s, but at least we had stretchy hip hugger jeans. Some of these jeans I tried on that were for Fall 2023 had the 1990s baggy shape but with ridged denim and were cut exclusively for a straight up and down body shape. One of the stores I found the most disappointing was Aeropostale. Now I know this is skewed to junior’s sizing, but it had the most potential because of the aesthetic of the styles they advertized across their store. There is an Acubi and K-fashion vibe to it, including a variety of cargo pants, compared to American Eagle which was also at my outlet but had an entirely different aesthetic. But, Aeropostale was frustrating for one reason alone – inconsistent sizing.

As I combed through the denim offerings, looking for the biggest size to have the most oversized look I could, I overheard a group of high schoolers who had just tried on jeans and were worriedly sifting through the pants for a bigger size. Two to three sizes bigger as the very slim teenagers worried nothing was going to fit them. I should have heeded this warning, but instead I loaded my arm with options and headed to the dressing room, much like Mort as he scampers, unaware up the beach as the shark tried to bite him.

It did not go well. One pair I got somewhat on my body but it was nowhere near close to zippering. The other ones simply would not go over my thighs, the so-called baggy jeans feeling a lot more like a recycled mom jeans pattern from 2019 instead of the baggy skater jeans of the late 1990s and early 2000s. (Trust me, I remember wearing both and the mom jeans were heckin’ uncomfortable.)

Confidence in Tatters

I kept calm and carried on to Wrangler which was a mistake because the women’s jeans were fitted, hourglass-shaped, and no longer stretchy. Can someone explain how curve-hugging jeans are supposed to do that when they are rigid denim? Anyways. The men’s jeans fit fine, but not what I was looking for. With the wind out of my sails, Kyle suggested Old Navy. At this point, I was afraid of jeans and women’s sizing. As I walked through Old Navy I grabbed sizes bigger than I ever tried before, grasping at straws in hopes that something would work. Ironically last season’s jeans gave me what I was looking for. I found success in the clearance section and purchased my Acubi-style jeans for $10. It was a screamin’ deal. It also was an ego gut punch as I bought jeans three sizes up from where I thought I would be. I selected two pairs and they are each a different size yet they fit me the same. Please, make it make sense!

Although I was happy to have found a style dupe, I felt this sense of dread about the other pants in my wardrobe. Was it the clothing or had my body changed again? Were my handcrafted, self-drafted, un-sized clothing pieces wrecking my ability to feel comfortable in standardized sizing? It left me in a terrible headspace where I pinballed between unworthiness and an unhinged desire to punish my body with intense workouts and restrictive diets. All over vanity. I don’t like how easily I put my worth in my outward appearance. This trivial experience weighed on my mind and affected my August.

I no longer wanted to catalog styling my handmade pieces. I felt like hiding from the blog as my inner monologue was pretty nasty towards myself, I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I just wanted to hide until I could force my body into the current shape of the moment. I felt old and fat. I’m neither of those things, but the inner critic consumed me.

The Plan

For the next week, I pushed myself to dial back my bad habits, portion down my plate, and cut back on sweets. I took it a little too far and had to let myself have a cookie because I realized I was spiraling to a really unhealthy place where I believed I needed to earn my food (90s American diet culture, anyone?)

One positive that came from this diet push was to break free from the fear of tracking my calories burned and distance on the exercise bike, instead of it being restrictive I found it motivating. I even reached a pace of 3 min/mile. It was so exciting! The experience showed me that I needed to make simple swaps because my cardio was good and the muscles underneath some of my chubby bits were getting strong, I just needed to tone and get leaner.

Now of course, just as we make progress in life, discouragement rears its ugly head. I cut my leg on the bike so I had to pause riding for a week, which of course broke the habit I built. I began lifting the set of weights we had for exercise instead and hit myself on the shoulder. I got an angry ingrown toenail making my planks painful and a stomach bug to boot. All in the span of 10 days, life is good. But in the meantime I started doing wall sits every day and planks most days. I can do a wall sit for 1 minute to 1 minute and 30 seconds. My plank time has also increased from 30 seconds to a minute. My posture is improving, my mind is growing stronger, and I am seeing results in my arms, legs, and waistline. I don’t mind the portion control at all actually I’ve enjoyed getting healthier and eating more fruit like bananas with my oatmeal. Popcorn is my go-to evening snack and I let myself have a piece of dark chocolate or two in the afternoon slump.

I feel agency again in my own body. I’ve learned that the weight I put on is not out of my control, and I can change the shape of my body with discipline, not restriction and punishment. Exercising is more of a mental thing than a physical task, and when I am struggling to stay motivated to push myself I remind myself that I can do anything for 30 seconds. I’m going to apply that mindset to life when it gets scary.

Who Are You Listening To?

After Daniel and some prayer for direction, I landed on 1 Corinthians as the next place in the Bible I felt the Lord leading me to wander through. The first chapter of 1 Corinthians, a familiar book, really stuck out to me; honestly, I haven’t been seeing things the same way since. I’ll explain.

A little background on this book and my faith journey, when I was a kid I got this book and the book of Chronicles confused all the time although they are about vastly different things. The Corinthians being addressed here are members of a church in Corinth, an ancient city located in south-central Greece. This is one of two letters written to the church by Paul. He knew the people and addressed specific issues being raised in communication between him and the members. It is also a look into how the early church navigated living in a multi-cultural world in the Roman Empire that was not a Christian culture. It is an example the modern church can use to look to for direction in our current-day issues that are not unlike the ones faced by the Corinthian believers because we are all fallen humans, so there are bound to be problems in how we live in community together.

Therein is the rub. Some modern believers take the conversations in the letters of Paul verbatim and copy and paste the ancient scenario into their current day with mixed results, sometimes as a weapon and sometimes in love, it’s a complex thing that gets oversimplified based on who is teaching it. Actually, it sounds a lot like the passage I read in 1 Corinthians 1:10-17.

I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.  For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers. What I mean is that each one of you says, “I follow Paul,” or “I follow Apollos,” or “I follow Cephas,” or “I follow Christ.” Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?  I thank God that I baptized none of you except Crispus and Gaius,  so that no one may say that you were baptized in my name.  (I did baptize also the household of Stephanas. Beyond that, I do not know whether I baptized anyone else.) For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel, and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

1 Corinthians 1: 10-17 ESV

I tend to be less excited when I start reading through a book of the Bible when it is a book that pastors and teachers seem to loop through, like the gospels, 1 & 2 Corinthians, Romans, Acts, 1&2 Thessalonians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians and 1&2 Timothy, etc because those sermons feel like they are washed across the pages like a lacquer keeping me from getting in the pages and their intrinsic message from God. The new level of podcasts and social media commentary on the Bible being shared at rapid fire is making it worse in my opinion. There are so many people’s hands on it and their words of interpretation live rent-free in our heads more than God’s understanding.

Now I’m not trying to pick, obviously, the word needs to be taught and all these tools we have at our disposal should be utilized instead of ignored. People are literally doing their best and I appreciate them for the work that they do and acknowledge that it’s a tough thing to understand and teach. I guess what struck me from a place of frustration was the inward conviction of – well if you weren’t understanding My Word through the words of other people and were following me first, the teaching and opinions of others second, maybe you wouldn’t have this problem, hm? Ouch. Yeah, I’m guilty of that. But thankfully those kinds of moments of conviction from the Holy Spirit are an invitation to dive deeper, there is a way forward to get back on track and I love that about the Lord. He never leaves us where he finds us, we choose not to move forward but His hand is always open to take the next step.

This was kind of a short reflection on my read through 1 Corinthians 1, but I hope that it encourages you in its conciseness. What I gleaned from it was simple. Follow me.

I hope wherever you are you are safe, loved, and know that your creator sees you. You are special. ❤ Until next time.

Am I Just A Moldy Sandwich?

For lunch, I made a PB&J sandwich. I was in a rush and wanted some quick energy. The sourdough bread, which had been with us for a few days needed to be used, enjoyed. I had been sewing up until my husband took his lunch break at 12:30pm, I didn’t want to cook anything, I just wanted to eat and clear out the fridge, so to speak, of leftovers and such. No big deal.

So I reached for the bread, still pillowy and bouncy with all those lovely fermentation bubbles that make sourdough bread rise. I toasted in and made my sandwich. Which tasted delicious, and normal. And yet, my innocence was about to go bust. Kyle, who was eating leftover pasta, went to the kitchen to find a piece of bread to soak up the sauce in his bowl. The sourdough he reached for and found something that truly ruined my meal – the bottom of the bag was riddled with mold. Something that I am allergic to, not to mention is just so gross.

This is not the first time this happened to me actually, I remember packing a moldy bread sandwich in my lunch in school because I made it when I was half-asleep before school. It’s a rude awakening to realize the thing that once tasted so good to your appetite is not what you thought it was. I thought I was getting energy and some probiotics, instead, I got a little something extra I didn’t want. Something that could make me sick and break out in hives. Appearances can be deceiving, that is why I am reflecting for so long on this mold.

We live in an odd time, with the rise of social media there is a significant rise in transparency in the world. We know more about people we follow than sometimes we would know if we had a normal relationship outside of these social platforms, especially the strangers we look up to like musicians, celebrities, designers, etc. There is also a new kind of anonymity, a facade that curates a public persona for how we want the world to see us. We can post the best moments, the curated things which compound to create a personhood that is foreign to reality, if we so desire. So how do we be authentic? I’m not sure, it’s become such a complicated thing in the digital age.

Before I took a deeper look at the loaf of bread, it seemed so normal and fresh. Without seeing the mold that had spread throughout the loaf in the bag, I would have thought my two pieces of bread were good. But they were still exposed to the environment, the mold would eventually spread to those as well if it already wasn’t there. That got me thinking, about humans. If we consume things, that are negative, full of vitriol, or void of substance and we take those into our hearts, will that eventually affect our goodness, our freshness? Now I know humans are not bread, I don’t mean goodness or freshness in the same way. I’m thinking more about our motives, the way by which we interact with each other. If we consume things that are tainted and no longer nutritious for our souls our inner being takes a hit.

This is true Biblically, where because of the sin that continually tries to creep back into our thoughts and habits, God’s word reminds us to be wary of what we take into our hearts for they can change our beliefs. I think this is true for the effectiveness of our actions in our interpersonal relationships. If we consume or surround ourselves with influences that reflect spite, negativity, and bitterness, I think this will flavor how our love and care for others will be exhibited. It will dilute the potency of our love. Like the mold, diminished the nutritious value of the bread for me.

I don’t want my love for others to be changed by bad influences, like media that encourages hatred, and jealousy, or in TikTok’s case the Kia Boys who like to encourage crime. It’s even as simple as considering the things I subscribe to that populate my feeds. Music too can truly rot the mind from the good things that I want to cultivate like self-control, gentleness, and selflessness. No one wants to be a moldy sandwich for those who depend on you. I encourage you to preserve the good in your heart so that you can make a difference in the spaces you are needed most. I guess what I mean is to keep your character and your values even if it’s not trending. Until we meet again ❤

Being a Gentle Soul in the Social Media Age is Hard

I woke up this morning and was scrolling Instagram to wake up, I was feeling pretty groggy from a mediocre night’s sleep. Acid reflux got me again! Anyways, I saw a post from the Stray Kids official account with a dark square. I immediately had a sinking feeling. After the tragic loss of Moonbin, I knew that Bang Chan was struggling. I hoped everyone was okay. I scrolled down to see the English caption and found a puzzling series of paragraphs. I like many other Stays found this morning, an apology from Chan for his comments during his most recent live on Youtube, Chan’s Room. To be honest, even though I had seen the clip he was apologizing for, it took me a few minutes to register what he was talking about. That is the reason I am writing this, I think some things on social media are getting out of hand, especially for those of us with a gentle soul like Bang Chan. Since this drama was created by K-pop fans, I think as a K-pop fan I should do my part to counteract all the negativity being thrown around and show some love, Stray Kids fam style.

What do I mean by Stray Kids’ fam style? Well, it’s a bit of a tangent, but if you are not familiar with Stray Kids and their band culture – they are one big supportive family. They love “Stay” the fandom name for Stray Kids enthusiasts. They also love each other, showing up in the joyful moments and the hard ones. For example, when I.N., the youngest member, sang off-key at a K-pop competition called “Kingdom” he was so disappointed in himself that he was overcome with emotion that he cried back at the band’s apartment. When the other members, who were in the living room saw I.N. crying in the kitchen they went to him and enveloped him in a group hug, wanting to know what was wrong and how they could help. They are a really sweet group of guys. They are also quite passionate about their work, being one of the hardest-working bands at JYP Entertainment. Bang Chan who is the leader of the group, along with Han and Changbin write and produce the band’s music. He also hosts a weekly live stream on Youtube called Chan’s Room where he interacts with the fans through live chat.

As a fan, not knowing him personally, he comes across as a very dear person, truly caring for the fans. His responses to questions are so thoughtful. He genuinely does not seem affected by their fame, it is one of the reasons why Stray Kids is so popular. That is why this whole controversy is so bizarre to me. Okay with context established, so a fan on the live asked about an event called Music Bank Paris that happened in April, I believe. There were a lot of bands at the event, and at these events, the bands have some interaction. They at least greet each other and are generally friendly. I mean for them it’s literally a work event, being friendly just seems natural. Chan mentioned that it was frustrating to see some younger bands not greet the older bands, which he claimed he may sound like a “boomer” for admitting. He never mentioned names, he did not call out anyone in particular and he was respectful in how he shared his thoughts.

That’s pretty typical of Chan, he is professional and respectful when he shares his opinions. He is not aggressive in his delivery, this is why I was caught off guard by his apology. I’m not the only one! Most of the comments below the apology expressed confusion and disappointment in the pot-stirring fans who created rumors about who Chan was referring to, creating the drama. The fans also expressed frustration at JYP Entertainment for their role in the apology and called JYP out for not doing a better job at handling this when K-pop idols are pushed to do these live-stream shows by the company. I have to agree, this was all blown out of proportion by social media. Just like a rumor mill in a small town, a few gossipy viewers decided to assume which bands Chan was referring to and ran with those ideas, inventing the entire thing. That’s poor behavior. They are the ones that should be apologizing, in my opinion.

Because Chan is such a sensitive person, he conveyed in the apology how much he was grieved by this situation and never meant to hurt anyone. I love that about him, but I don’t think he hurt anyone. I think the random commenters who decided to figure out the band Chan was referring to did the hurting. And to be honest, respecting your elders in many cultures, especially Korean culture is a big deal. So greeting the older bands at events like Music Bank Paris seems like a no-brainer to me just like being respectful and kind. The fact that none of the drama-crafting fans stopped to consider the cultural side baffles me.

This whole situation points to a deeper problem for me, as a fellow sensitive person, with a few sensitive and gentle friends – why does it seem like the people who are genuinely nice seem to be ripped apart on social media more than the aggressors? Do you know why? Cause I see it all the time. It’s why I don’t have Twitter or TikTok. There is a growing culture of nastiness on these platforms that is trickling into the culture. And it concerns me. Why does our social media society seem to reward rudeness and hearsay? I don’t think we should have to respect the mob mentality that dictates that might is right. Social media clout lacks wisdom and generosity of spirit, which are key ingredients that make communities function in a healthy state. Take a look at what happened to the girls in the viral “Baseball Mean Girls” TikTok video, they were doxxed because the cloud of social media outrage descended into their personal lives, although the girls made it right with the woman they flipped off in the video outside of TikTok, none of this seems to matter to those carrying forth the social media justice. And I digress, my point is that Chan’s apology is a symptom of a bigger problem of the heart we are seeing in the people within our societies, and if we don’t address the heart and start acting in kindness and grace toward others when you think someone has made a mistake, we are in for a lot of strife.

Thank you Chan for being Stray Kids’ best leader! The music you create with 3racha and the rest of Skz has truly made such a positive impact on my life. Even if you make mistakes, this Stay will show you grace and love.

Kindness in the Culture

I felt challenged by the Lord in 2023 to get to know the unknown parts of His word. The sections of the Bible make us say, “Is that a book of the Bible?” At least in North America, the minor prophets of the Old Testament, are a group that are skipped over for sermons. You don’t get fed from this book, instead, sermons seem to focus on the “seeker-friendly” sections of the Bible, the gospels, and some New Testament epistles for good measure.

I don’t mean to sound cynical but I went to a Christian school, and a Christian college, and have been in the church for most of my life – that’s a lot of opportunity to have learned about the entire Bible, but the whole book wasn’t taught. This frustrates me. I don’t feel properly prepared for a complete reading of the Bible, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way. Which posed a problem when I decided to read Obadiah, mainly what does this book mean? What does this story refer to? And who is Edom?!

Thankfully resources like the Bible Project exist! They have a terrific guide to the Book of Obadiah along with a video summary that provided historical context that helped me understand why this book matters. Here’s what God revealed to me through my reading and study of the book.

In short, Obadiah addresses a shameful part of human behavior, yet it is something we have all experienced – when a prideful person hurts someone who is struggling, because the proud person believes they are better than the struggling person, and therefore takes advantage of that person for their own gain. Exploiting your opponent’s weakness, in strategic terms. In a social and economic context, this would be corruption and discrimination being used to exploit a group of people who have been kept from opportunities. In a personal context, hurting your neighbor instead of helping them or reveling in the pain of others because you believe you are better than them. Obadiah applies to life!

The book of Obadiah says a lot in just twenty-one verses. It is full of family history and dysfunction! The people of Judah and the people of Edom share a common relative – Isaac, the son of Abraham and Sarah. For this story, you have to go all the way back to Genesis 25-27. Isaac and Rebekah had two sons, Jacob and Esau. There is major sibling rivalry, ending in bitterness, family dysfunction and Jacob being favored over Esau because Esau traded his birthright blessing for a bowl of soup. Esau’s anger towards Jacob does not end there. Jacob becomes the nation of Israel and Esau’s descendants become the nation of Edom, their bitterness for each other carries on through generations.

Hundreds of years later, the Israelites are conquered by Assyria and Babylon. Israel the Northern Kingdom is destroyed and taken into exile by Assyria, and Judah the Southern Kingdom is conquered by Babylon and taken into exile. When Babylon comes to conquer Judah, Edom in their resentment for Judah sees this as a time to celebrate the destruction of their brother and gets a few punches in for themselves.

While Judah is being rampaged and the people are being killed or carried off in chains, the people of Edom decided to get a little gloating in. They come to the land of Judah and do some pillaging of their own, they celebrate the destruction and even take advantage of Judah’s refugees, going so far as to kill them.

Not a pretty legacy for Edom, but before we judge, how often have we as humans celebrated someone else’s misfortunes? Especially in the age of social media, how easy is it to join the hater bandwagon? I mean it’s just a comment, right? It’s anonymous, it doesn’t mean anything, it’s not hurting anyone – or is it? What about in our day-to-day lives? I’ve been jealous, and guilty of finding joy in the struggle of others when I believe they have wronged me. It’s human nature and is so easy to do. Even easy to hide from others because if it is an internal thought, who is going to know? Obadiah reminds us that God does see it and He does know.

I thought about this today as I learned about the Tik-Tok “baseball mean girls” trend that involves photo bombing a person taking a selfie at a baseball game so that you are flipping them off in the background. It’s just plain rude and reminds me of what I read in Obadiah. I think we could make a huge difference in our culture with simple actions like pausing to think through our actions. Is flipping someone off in the background of a photo a kind thing to do? Obviously no. Is there a better way to handle yourself? Yes. But do we all make the right choices all the time, no we do not and we take jokes too far. We hurt people.

But do not gloat over the day of your brother
    in the day of his misfortune;
do not rejoice over the people of Judah
    in the day of their ruin;
do not boast
    in the day of distress.
Do not enter the gate of my people
    in the day of their calamity;
do not gloat over his disaster
    in the day of his calamity;
do not loot his wealth
    in the day of his calamity.
 Do not stand at the crossroads
    to cut off his fugitives;
do not hand over his survivors
    in the day of distress.

Obadiah 12-14 ESV

So, what do we do with that? I mean I feel guilty for the personal ways I have hurt people. Even worse I have held onto grudges. I am ashamed to see myself in the reflection of Edom. In verse 15, the tone changes from Obadiah referencing Edom to all nations, “For the day of the Lord is near upon all the nations. As you have done, it shall be done to you; your deeds shall return on your own head.” Yikes! That is scary to think about. I don’t want people to treat me the way I have treated them. I used to have a bad temper, and it hurt people. Feeling the return on that would be horrible. So, how do you move forward without fear or guilt?

What I have found the most peace in is asking God for forgiveness and changing my attitude, especially in the ways I handle grudges. Seek kindness. Be different than the aggression that you see in the world, and forgive others who fail at keeping their bad behavior in check. I am currently on a journey to learning how to forgive – it is not easy. All of it is God, I just have to ask for His help to show me. It can sometimes feel unnatural to our human minds to forgive, but it is freeing. Oh so freeing.

To unpack verse 15 a bit more, I found hope in reading this verse. I thought about all the evil in this world. The ways people are taken advantage of systematically. I thought about racism, human trafficking, colonialism, genocide, dictators, and censorship. In this world of AI and big brother surveillance, big tech companies seem like behemoths above the law. Yet it all comes crashing down when you read verse 15. God sees it. God knows what is happening in the shadows and His justice will hold it accountable in His time. Evil deeds will not slip through the cracks forever.

The more I read the backstory of Obadiah, the more I wondered what would happen if the whole Bible was being taught? I considered the ways in which the church has allowed itself to be corrupted by the culture and what would happen if the health and wealth gospel was laid to rest and the wisdom of these unknown books like Obadiah colored our understanding of Christianity instead of prosperity. It is something to think about.

If you made it this far, thank you for allowing me to share what God revealed to me through my study of Obadiah. I hope you have a lovely day. ❤

#17 – Bad Writing Habits

Do you ever struggle with bad habits when you create? I do. I have the tendency to write from a place of pain or darkness and think the pain will create better art. You know, that tortured artist thing that our cultures celebrate. I get stuck in such a trap of that. I try to follow and write what I know but then if I am going through a day that reminds me of former pain my mind will get bogged down in that creative darkness and make things that I don’t like.

Everything is Content

Today, for instance, I spent the morning writing an essay about Prince Zuko that should have worked and instead of writing clear, introspection on his character it became a deep and personal comparison to things I see in my own family dysfunction that are not in line with the vision I have for this blog. I was proud of the piece until I asked my husband to read over it, and I became so embarrassed of the thoughts I had on the page, the emotional tapestry I wove, and that got me thinking are we getting too comfortable with oversharing in our modern age?

Like, if I’m not comfortable discussing such a personal and painful topic with my husband, who is my best friend, why would I think that would be a good piece of writing to share on the internet? It’s bizarre how social media has rewired our brains to view not just pain as art but pain as content. Take for example the popularity of the “Storytime era” on Youtube, making this personal content brought in huge views for creators but exposed the private lives and relationships of these creators to the general public. I’ve seen follow-up videos from such creators where they express regret for revealing so much information and the consequences this had on their relationships.

Joy > Pain

A friend of mine challenged me to write from a place of joy instead of pain, and I think her words are more profound than I realized. I think we should celebrate joyful, uplifting content as much as we do emotional, heartbreaking content. Learning the art of creating from a healthy place is far more valuable than we give credit to.

But when I stop and think about it, in this broken world and its 24-hour news cycle, I find myself gravitating toward comforting things. So if I choose to seek out calming and uplifting stories, why should default to making content that I would not seek out? It doesn’t make sense. That’s probably why, it’s my bad habit. And why I am struggling to write fiction again.

Because it takes guts to move beyond the habits and the easy, clickbait-style content and make good, useful things that may not receive the same appreciation but are better for the world, in my opinion. That’s not to say I don’t think honest, truth-speaking writing is always going to be comfortable or uplifting, that’s nonsense. Some of the most important pieces of writing are not comfortable reads, they challenge us. What I am saying is, I think my bad habit holds me back from making better art with my words.

Lost Art of Thinking

Something I realized today after I trashed my draft and saw that I had lost hours of productivity, was that I didn’t lose time or productivity after all. I had written something great but placed the piece in the wrong category in my mind.

For me, I was writing a post that would be shared and would be a useful thing for this blog, but in actuality, it was a helpful piece of journaling for me to get my private thoughts out on the page. Journaling is the right application for those kinds of pieces, it is what I am comfortable with and in writing privately I am not wasting my time. I’m getting thoughts out on the page and clearing my mind for better things. It is refreshing my mind in a creative sense.

Not everything has to be made for a purpose bigger than making it. Not all thoughts have to be shared. Social media platforms encourage us to do that, even reward us, but that is not the whole truth. Sometimes taking the time to meditate and think will produce greater fruit than putting the original thought out on social media.

I can feel how the last ten years have shifted my brain to create differently because of social media, and I’m not sure if it is a good thing. I’m glad I gained the confidence to share at all on these platforms, but I don’t want to be so comfortable that I forget to slow down and consider the thing I am making. I want to make things that matter, regardless of how well they may or may not perform.

Dear reader, what do you think? Do you agree with my thoughts on my creative bad habit? Do you have any bad habits of your own? Thanks for spending time with me today. I wish you happy and healthy creating!

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