In a previous post, Listening to the Bible App’s Audio Version, I switched up my Bible listening to Bible reading to get out of a rut I was in, and it worked really well! I was crushing chapters upon chapters and fitting in the Word where I could including listening to a book while I got a shower and ready for bed, while I was sewing, etc. It was an effective way to consume a lot of the Bible at once. I realized though that spending time in God’s word and daily time with God is a lot more complex than I realized.

So it is true that I was consuming a lot of the word, I listened to Lamentations in one sitting. Hosea was a quick listen that made some of those destruction chapters a quick fly-through, which helped a lot to get me more familiar with those unknown places in the Bible, a goal I felt God leading me to this whole year. My goal in 2023 is to let God lead me through the Bible and let Him teach me what He wants me to know as life unfolds because sometimes knowing where to go next is overwhelming. The Bible is a large book full of many different kinds of writings, and that is where I got into a slump this fall. I try to listen faithfully but sometimes discerning God’s leading can be tough for me as a human to focus on. I get distracted and wander. As I listened to book after book quickly through my day, I realized I was wandering and not letting Him direct me. My wandering wasn’t a bad thing, but focusing and listening to where He wanted me to study next was going to be greater than what I could lead myself to on my own.

I believe that my biggest takeaway from 2023, is to not distract myself from the bigger thing that He has planned just because there is a good option in front of me. Taking the wrong turn in life is not necessarily an extreme thing, it can be just a divergent path that will still bring good things but may not be the ultimate plan God had for me for my life or just for that day. There is a lot more subtly to it than I understood before, and in doing so I understand that being in the relationship daily and being present keeps my eyes and ears tuned for what He has in store for me.

In typical human fashion though this is a lot harder to accomplish than I believe it to be at face value. Because life happens. Like unexpectedly getting sick during a crappy time of the month and having your schedule all thrown off. When life gets busy and chaotic, I slack on my good-for-me habits, including being present in my relationship with God. And one night last week when I was feeling rather low from being sick, feeling behind on what I needed to do, and wanting to catch a break, that was not happening. I just wanted to feel healthy again, and I thought I was getting better but it was confusing, the symptoms were coming in waves, as was my energy.

Before bed, I felt incredibly discouraged as I had another setback, and I got angry with God. I wanted to know why a health issue I had been working to manage for a few years seemed to be regressing and becoming even more of a concern, I wanted to know why I had to, at that moment, feel so lost and alone. In frustration, I went back downstairs and began to knit instead of sleep. I googled and stitched, looking for answers yet feeling like I was now drowning in information. I felt like crying or freaking out, I wanted to talk to someone but didn’t want to wake my husband or call my mom, not at 1 am. It was then that I got my daily verse notification, like 3 hours off of when it is scheduled to come each day, and this is what it said:

I was shocked. I was angry at God and yet He was present and reminding me of His faithfulness. That is unlike how we treat each other as humans. It’s unnatural to us but not Him. I could feel His presence so strongly with me and the information I had googled began to sink into my brain instead of swirling around in anxious musings, and I realized my health issue was getting better there was a key part of the process I was misunderstanding but that what I was experiencing was getting back on track. I felt a peace that transcends all understanding. (Philippians 4:7)

In that moment I understood that I needed to slow down and listen because the answers to my questions and worries were there but I had stopped up my ears in distractions and anger. I’m not good at waiting for directions. I tend to fuss. Reigning that behavior, I’m learning is more important than we know. The instant nature of modernity is clouding my attention to learn to be still. I’m not satisfied to exist in that state of mind.

Do you find it easy to be still and wait for further direction? How have you learned to temper that behavior in your own life?