Tag: loneliness

Advertising That Promotes A Lack of Community as “Aspirational”

What bothers you and why?

There’s been this WhatsApp advertisement that has been popping up everywhere on my radar that just irks me a bit, well it’s starting to a lot the more I see it. On the surface, it seems like a harmless payday for the former stars of Modern Family to reprise their roles for a quick ad about a family group chat. But the more I watch the more I dissect in my mind and the story has a wild thesis that reflects life.

If you haven’t seen this ad, it has two stories one follows Phil Dunphy switching to an Android phone which destroys the Dunphy family group chat, the one lifeline they have to keep the relationship with adult kids alive, and as a result, everything is ruined until, they discover WhatsApp and the kids magically start talking to their parents again.

The second story features Mitch switching to an Android phone which causes Cam, Phil, and Claire to create a group chat without Mitch because his non-Apple phone is turning the chat green and not allowing them to use all the in-messaging features of their iPhones. Mitch is hurt and it is clearly played off as no big deal. WhatsApp saves the day as Mitch is brought back into the group before getting a new phone to communicate with his family.

Isn’t this wild? Like who would do that to their family members? Wait, this reminds me of being added to so many WhatsApp group chats instead of texting because I was one of the two Android phone people on my Dad’s side of the family. I thought it was so weird that we couldn’t just text…and that my brother with the Android was the only one who texted back. Oh my, it is like life.

Now weird family baggage aside, isn’t this a bizarre concept for an ad? Like in these days of hyper-division and our individualist culture, why are we creating a justification, even in jest, that it is okay to exclude a loved one from a group chat because a person chose one phone developer over another? That’s super weird. Especially for a communication app, it’s a bit crap to be honest.

Consumerism rearing its ugly head once again, is not a surprise, but can it leave our already lonely, friendship recession American culture alone? I get Meta wants to push their product and that Apple likes to promote exclusivity in their marketing but dang, this ad just bugs me. Especially with the addition of the characters of Modern Family, like, I’m sure the marketing team wasn’t thinking this deeply, but it feels like an unintentional commentary on society. Like is this the actual “modern family” in 2024 and if so can we turn this car around?

I sure hope not, but there are a lot of lonely people out there who are not being loved and cared for the way that they should be and as a culture, I think we need more connection, more ways to be a part of something. I know this is just a silly advertisement that will be done and forgotten in a few months, but what about the sentiment of division in the US? It’s not getting any better here, the events of July 13, 2024, certainly show that. And in Butler, PA, no less, not too far from here. That was eye-opening to see how the hate that is steeping under the surface is in all communities, even mine. It’s a problem we all need to take seriously.

People are getting less connected all the time, and I believe it is leaving us vulnerable to hurt, feelings of bitterness, and going through life not being able to live with purpose and love. We were created to be part of a community. We need friends, loved ones, and unconditional love. All this technology and consumerism is just creating more barriers to true connection and feelings of belonging than the ways that they improve our lives. Technology does make life easier, but it’s a toss-up for me if my life is truly that much better because I have a Samsung phone, and a Chromebook, and AI exists. You know what I mean?

I’m grateful for those moments with real people that happen offline. Like laughing so hard at a TV show with Kyle that our stomachs actually hurt. Sitting around a fire at a family friend’s house, watching a sunset and making smores and mountain pies in the fire, where time feels like it literally is standing still and I could be in 2024 or 2004. I think that’s what we need more of.

We need more people. More moments that bring joy, warmth, and memories. More core memories with people, connecting points, it doesn’t have to be special or expensive, just meaningful to you and your people.

#47 – Goodbye February

This month has straight up stunk. It was a pinball of coming off those allergic reactions I mentioned in #45 – Allergy and Winter Winds, coming down with a cold or a cold, getting better, having an allergic reaction to my eyeshadow, getting another cold, discovering my body wash and loofah combo was giving me irritation, in the form of friction hives, and having to stop drinking camomille to get the hives to go away. I was stuck in this loop of discouragement and I definitely let it live in my mind leading to worry and feeling stuck, basically, like this gif when Kim and Ron switch bodies because of Drakken’s body-switching machine. It was one flip to another flop, nothing progressing, just stuck.

That is life, it kicks our butts, leaves us discouraged, and some days feel like a bunch of little things going wrong are going to give us death by a thousand paper cuts. But honestly, that’s part of the journey of existence. Life does not give us any guarantees that each day is going to be sunshine and rainbows, some days are like a tsunami, and other days are like tripping, repeatedly. I’m thankful that it was only a bunch of small little things breaking my focus, instead of one of those big things that shake us to our core. As a highly sensitive person, I can let the little things swirl around in my head until they are big, shakeable problems that tower over me. These little setbacks taught me something pretty important, I need people in my life. I crave it more than my introverted nature is willing to admit.

On those days, when I felt frustrated and down, lost in the worry of my own head, the thing that pulled me back to the light were people. They helped me remember that I wasn’t alone, but instead that I am loved and needed by others in return. There is purpose and worth in the person I am in being there for others in my life.

It was the small things, Kyle taking care of me when I was feeling really crumby, like asking if I had taken medicine or refilling my water bottle before I realized it was empty. Him doing the dishes, cooking dinner, and making me tea in the morning as I was super slow pulling myself out of bed. Those are huge when you are feeling sick and he is so patient with me. Or my neighbor, who texted me one morning because our Amazon packages got mixed up, remembering she is next door and always there if I need a friend. A phone conversation with a friend, talking about anything or nothing, but the connection of catching up after a while and spending time in that bubble together is such a refreshing reset. Having one of those low-maintenance friendships where she texts me out of the blue and we spend time catching up writing digital letters to each other until the conversation fades, knowing we’ll pick it back up later on. Admitting to my mom that I was scared because she was having complications from her surgery this past summer, saying the fear aloud and facing that I didn’t want anything bad to happen to her. A quick chat with my stepdad, talking nonsense but having a blast doing it. My brother-in-law video calling me out of the blue to catch up as we both cook dinner.

Those little moments of community, pull me out of the funk I was in faster than I realized. We really need people. This modern life is lonely. If nothing else, from this month, I learned how dissatisfied I am with the digital barriers there are to the community and how I don’t want to settle anymore. Because people matter and we need them even if we get peopled out easily. Goodbye, February, my relentless gremlin and ironically, the frank teacher I needed.

The Proof of Your Love

Yesterday I was knitting and catching up on Youtube videos when my playlist took an interesting turn. I watched two videos back to back from different creators that touched on the same message, an important message that actually prompted me to think deeply about a TikTok video and its eventual dragging by the internet. Now, I am not a fan of TikTok or TikTok culture. I think that it is changing how we interact in some harmful ways, like encouraging main character syndrome and resurrecting toxic beauty standards, but I am learning to have an open mind because of something key I learned recently that broke my heart.

A lot of people my age and younger don’t feel like they have friends and people they can count on. There is a growing loneliness and a lack of community, even though we are theoretically more connected than ever. I know that I have felt seasons of loneliness crash over me since I became an adult, and there were years when I didn’t feel like I had any friends my own age. But I was never truly alone because I had a community around me and family, I realize now that I’m older and more mature that I was incredibly blessed to have them and that having family and community and friends is not a guarantee.

Even writing that feels unnatural to me, how is being alone the default now when there are 8 billion people on this planet? We are seriously doing something wrong if this is the reality some people are facing and I want to do something about it, but I’m learning that some people think this is a joke and that kills me.

Now, people my age and younger share a lot of their lives on social media, something that is received with mixed reviews from our parents and other people older than us. It is seen as odd, opening ourselves up to trouble, or self-centered which yes, there is a main character syndrome, but honestly is that what Karens do too? So it’s a human problem to do that, exacerbated by social media, but what I learned recently is that people are sharing so much because our friendships are declining or non-existent and the only human connection some of us are receiving at the moment is sharing with our social media friends, who most of the time are people that are more like acquaintances or could be total strangers to us. Our real-life friendships are dissipating into relationships of sending reels back and forth instead of having a conversation, why are we doing this? Because we all live too far away from each other, are too broke to visit each other and for the majority of people, work a 9-5 that is consuming our time and ability to keep up with relationships.

This is where TikTok comes in again, there is a video by a creator named brielleybelly123 that is making the rounds on the internet for her honest emotional breakdown because she is feeling overwhelmed by how lonely her life has become due to her 9-5. She is a recent college grad who is working a 9-5 job that requires hours of commuting. She is far from family, and friends, and the ability to get to know new people. She is community-less and the reality that this is her everyday worries her. This is an incredibly valid feeling to have, I mean who hasn’t been overwhelmed by changes in life? We all have those moments, I did going into high school, college, every new job, and after every move to a new city I’ve made. Actually, my current town is the first place in seven years since moving out of my mom’s house and I have a friend in my town. Like a legit girl friend that I can lean on in good and bad. In those seven years, I’ve also strengthened the long-distance friendships I have with friends from college and childhood, but if I hadn’t been able to keep those relationships going, I’m not certain if I would have any friends. Which is quite bleak to think about.

We are relational beings created to be in community, to be loved, and to love. This morning when I was listening to music, this truth hit me deeply as “The Proof of Your Love” by For King and Country filled my ears.

[Verse 1: Luke]
If I sing but don’t have love
I waste my breath with every song
I bring, an empty voice
A hollow noise
If I speak with a silver tongue
Convince a crowd but don’t have love
I leave a bitter taste
With every word I say

[Chorus]
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You’re made of
How you lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love

[Verse 2: Luke]
If I give to a needy soul
But don’t have love then who is poor
It seems all the poverty
Is found in me

[Chorus]
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You’re made of
How you lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love

[Bridge]
Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
When it’s all said and done
Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
When we sing our final song
Only love remains
Only love remains

[Monologue: Joel]
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate
If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all of His mysteries and making everything as plain as day
And if I have faith to say to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing
If I give all I own to the poor or even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere
So, no matter what I say, no matter what I believe, no matter what I do, I’m bankrupt without love

[Chorus]
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You
And what You’re made of
How you lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof
The proof of Your love

The song is based on 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 which says “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

What is the point of the 9-5 grind and gaining the world if you lose your humanity in the process? And I would argue that having love is an essential part of our humanity and what makes us keep going. And so I was disturbed by something else I saw before bed last night, that brielleybelly123’s honest cry was being mocked by conservative-leaning people who claim to be believers. I’m sorry but that doesn’t align with scripture. What does align with who God calls us to be is to love your neighbor as yourself, and to serve the widows, the orphans, and the lonely. When Jesus came to live among us, he sought out the outsiders of society, the lonely ones. American exceptionalism belief of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps is in direct contradiction to what really matters, God’s plan for how we interact with each other. It is disgusting to me to be honest that people are making whole videos making fun of her, but in the same breath will claim Christ. What is the proof of your love commentators, hm?

Now I’m not saying this is easy, or that we don’t all make mistakes. I literally fall short all the time, but the important thing is that we stay on the road and keep trying so that the proof of our love speaks to something bigger than us.

#32 – Keystone Safari, Nook Inc. & Loneliness

I am full of delight with hints of fall dancing in the cool breeze of a cold front and speckling the leaves of trees with those first hints of autumn. This is my favorite time of year, as summer fades into a golden glow that leads us into the merriment of fall, Halloween, and beyond towards Christmas. I’ve noticed these little moments as I walk around Keystone Safari, a place that has refreshed my soul more than I could imagine. I’ve found a safe, consistent place to walk and be surrounded by nature. Not only nature but the beauty of creation because Keystone Safari and its sister park, Living Treasures. They are two wildlife conservation parks nearby that have brought a sense of peace and wonderment to an otherwise mundane small town.

Through these experiences, I have been able to see penguins, lions, giraffes, kookaburras, kangaroos, mandrills, anteaters, and more up close and have been astonished by the creativity in their design and the magnitude of what an incredible world we live in.

I love animals. I have since I was a child and if I had been a better biology student, maybe I would have pursued a career where I could take care of animals. Not being in a house currently where we can have a pet, I forgot how comforting being around animals can be, even healing. The opportunity to go feed, pet, or just observe and learn about animals from around the world has been a great blessing. Getting more sun, fresh air, exercise, and experience around big groups of people again has been good for me too. I am not good with crowds.

The reminder of that smacked me in the face on Monday when I went to a local county fair and immediately panicked, by the sea of people. As I walked back towards the animal barns in search of the ‘Goat Olympics’ and rabbit judging, the constant waves of people made me feel like a salmon fighting against a current. No matter what I did I could not relax. My usual trick of looking at the sky did not calm my mind. Instead, I felt like I was white-knuckling it until the exit gate came into view. I feel embarrassed when crowds get the best of me and I wish I could be one of those people who is unphased by the spectacle of it instead of feeling overstimulated.

Something that does bring me back to a state of calm though is a short visit to my current Animal Crossing island. I recently deleted my previous island Acorn and created a new island called Oddinary in hopes of creating a cozy fall-themed island with the fall recipes that will be in the seasonal rotation again. The name of the island is inspired by Stray Kids’s EP Oddinary featuring the songs Venom and Maniac. There is a spooky vibe to music videos that I thought would meld two of my favorite things – fall and k-pop into one cozy place of my imagination.

If you have never played the game, and my knowledge is limited to New Horizons, the game follows the 12-month calendar and is a little escape from reality on an island that you transform from deserted to a community. For me living in a hyper-individualistic (more like selfish) culture, it is like living in another time when community was important and cheers me up on the days I feel lonely.

Although my life is full of blessings, I’ve been feeling melancholy and hiding away in knitting and sewing projects. I need to continue to dig into my devotions, and my faith and trust the process of what I am going through with my parents because God does not leave us in states of loneliness, nor does He forget about us when we need people. He brings people into our lives to fill the gaps of those who have left us and He sustains us with His love and mercy. That’s what I need to focus on and instead, I tend to dwell on what I want not what I need. And I have so many great people in my life who want to be there.

One of those amazing people is Kyle and I think each day I grow fonder of him. Each day we find something new that we have in common and for that I treasure the peaceful bubble that God is leading me towards, cutting away the distractions yet surrounding me with friends who want to be like my family. For that I praise God.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Let’s Run This Race With Perseverance

Q: What gives you direction in life?

A: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” 

Hebrews 12:1-2 NIV

I remember in 2009, this was my school’s theme verse for the year. It was on the bulletin board you saw as you entered the high school building. Being our theme verse it was incorporated into devotionals throughout the school year, lessons, and referenced by my fellow students, but I thought about it more in the context of our annual jog-a-thon. The day the whole school K-12, held a fundraiser at our local college’s track to raise money through lap sponsorship. More miles clocked, more money raised for the next year. Every May, this day was the only day I ever jogged around a track. It was a big push to keep the school going, and I endured for one day. Afterward, I would put set down my perseverance and keep going through life until the next jog-a-thon. It’s funny how I didn’t think it would apply to life.

Because I heard this verse so often in high school, it was an easy one to memorize. I carried it with me into my life without giving it much thought. Suddenly, it came back into view when my Grandma had to live by herself for the first time. My Papa was sick and living full-time at a nursing home. She was alone and was feeling like life had leveled up quick. I remember talking with her and she would quote the verse from high school, Hebrews 12:1-2. “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer, and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him, he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” She changed my perspective on this verse from being a coffee mug kind of quote to understanding the deeper meaning written in these words from Hebrews.

The Book of Hebrews was a letter written to a Jewish Christian community that was facing persecution and imprisonment because of their association with Jesus and the 12 apostles. They are facing hard times, with no end in sight. They are not simply running a race, it is a metaphor. The audience was feeling discouraged, unsure if they could carry on when the future looked grim and full of suffering. What I learned through my conversations with my Grandma was that she was feeling incredibly overwhelmed by how her life had changed by Papa not being there. We didn’t know if he would recover, or if he would be healthy enough to come home. Everything about her world looked unfamiliar, she was now a sojourner in unknown lands. Her best friend was no longer by her side and this new reality had no end. Like people for whom Hebrews was written, she didn’t know what the future held and she knew the likely options were dark, filled with separation and death.

It was tough to find the words to comfort a friend who is suffering. From this experience, I learned that even Christians don’t always know what to say or how to comfort those who are walking through a season of pain. To my Grandma, the Book of Hebrews became a beacon of hope. A reminder that the desert road is winding towards a destination that is better than where she currently stood. Although she didn’t want to be there, the words of encouragement in Hebrews 12:1-2 reminded her that she wasn’t the first person to experience this kind of pain. As the Messiah, Jesus experienced what it was like to be fully human and fully God. He experienced persecution, loneliness, and separation from His Father on the cross. He knew what it was like to be staring down a timeline moving toward death. Because of that, we can look to His example and dig deep knowing that He will be with us every step of the way.

After both my grandparents passed away, I realized there is even more to this verse. I ignored the section, “surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses” and failed to consider what a great cloud of witnesses meant. At the jog-a-thon, it was a group effort. Parents, older siblings, younger siblings, teachers, etc. They were all around us on the track during the race. Some were waiting in the stands, and some were cheering us on from the water station – we weren’t alone on that track. Alongside myself, my friends were running too. We would motivate each other to keep going. In life, God brings people into our lives to encourage us. Maybe they aren’t the people you long for, like loved ones who have passed on, but they are people who know how to love you. They cheer you on through the ups and downs of life.

With a deeper understanding, Hebrews 12:1-2 has gone from being a school theme verse to a reminder to keep going when life feels impossible. It gives me the hope that life will get better, on those days I have to dig deep because I am not alone. This verse has helped me time and time again re-frame my overwhelming emotions to transform them from obstacles into motivation to keep running the race.

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