Japanese Update: Overcoming Distractions for 2024

I began learning Japanese in January 2023, and I have to say when I started this journey I bought four college textbooks thinking I would be through most of the lessons by the end of the year, and that statement did not come true. In fact, I haven’t finished the first unit book.

Now is this because I’m saying Japanese is so difficult that I couldn’t do it? No, I managed my time poorly and put my language learning sessions as a third or fourth priority in my day which made it easier to procrastinate and not do it all. I made choices that took my attention away from language learning. Now some of these choices were really good choices!

Like I chose to start writing on this blog which has been a huge blessing creatively! It required discipline to keep going and make writing a habit. I also decided I wanted to become a more skilled knitter this year and chose to tackle several sweater projects this year. That stretched my patience and time management skills to get those projects completed quickly to use them in the colder months. As well as sewing my new summer wardrobe, a new coat, and new pajamas.

These were a good distraction, one that taught me about tailoring and fit. I became a better pattern drafter through this practice and learned how to duplicate designs. This was a great use of my time! But it wasn’t language learning, and so in my head I am wrestling with the fact that I didn’t complete my goal yet I achieved many goals that I had. I became a better student and more prepared to learn Japanese through the ways I spent my time this year, ironically not learning Japanese.

I think coming to terms with the fact that we as humans cannot be perfect, is a tough pill to swallow no matter how mature we are or how “laissez faire” we approach our time and therefore when we feel like we need to tick every box off our list and smash every challenge set before us in rider to feel like you did your best, it is hard to show yourself grace that you came short. I hope I did the best I could this year and I hope I gave Japanese my all! I made flashcards to help myself practice hiragana and katakana and tried to immerse myself in culture, grammar, conversational practice, vocabulary, etc.

I have a lot of respect for the language since trying to learn it, more than I did going in. I was intimidated going into the first day of learning but now I am more in awe of the way Japanese as a language works and has worked for 1300+ years. I learned that the first written example of Japanese dates back to the 8th century. I’m amazed by the way Japanese has multiple writing systems and blends its own language with the Han characters of traditional Chinese.

My own native language is a blend of Germanic, French, Latin, and Greek origin words. I understand the blend but I am amazed by the unique way Japanese did it compared to how English did. Dipping my toes into the study of Kanji has made the process of Japanese feel like a full circle, maybe it is just the fact that Kanji seems less scary since my mind is training itself to recognize a new writing system or maybe this is progress, although small, towards understanding Japanese.

Being ready to commit my time to learning next year is a top priority.

It’s bigger than a New Year’s resolution, it’s a plan for my time next year. It is that time of year when we reflect, take stock, and dream for tomorrow. So, what are you planning for? I hope whatever it is dear reader, that it goes well and you have the confidence to chase your dream.

Domo arigato gozaimasu for spending time with me today!

#42 – Being Content

Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?

A lot can change in a year, but this past year thankfully had not been one of those big, earth-shaking years. Things have been consistent and I am grateful because that is not a guarantee from life.

When I was younger I used to think a year was boring if nothing huge happened. But my past self was overlooking the little moments of life that once it changes you yearn for in memory. Overlooking the small choices that make a good, consistent year happen.

It’s important to value each day and look for the good, the pleasant, the fulfilling in each day no matter how minor it may feel in comparison to others.

Looking back on who I was a year ago to now, I’m pleased with the emotional and relational intelligence I gleaned. It wasn’t something I set out as a goal, life happened that way but looking back I’m thankful that in the moments that would end up being meaningful, I showed up.

I could have phoned in those little moments and not built stronger foundations in relationships new and old. I’m glad I didn’t because in the past I have not been as present in my friendships and relationships with family. I would have regretted that.

Because of that, life is a little different than I pictured a year ago – it’s better and joyful instead of being listless and empty.

Life is also a lot sweeter because of you all who take the time to read my blog. It’s made my whole year!

Ironically a year ago I had no intention of starting this blog, I was going to start a podcast with a college acquaintance Errona Lee but that didn’t happen and it is probably for the best. Our schedules were never going to make it easy on us. I wasn’t ready to be on a YouTube-based podcast so that may have been a disaster for my confidence.

Blogging has helped me face some of my fears, like sharing my designs with others. It’s taught me discipline and reminded me that hard work is rewarding. I’ve been challenged to manage my time better and honestly shake off the cobwebs of my creativity and expression. It’s been an unexpected gift and I just wanted to say thank you for making this year a superb one. 💓

#39 -Bookcase

Last night my husband and I added an exciting new addition to our home, a rather large and fantastically sturdy bookcase, crafted with love by his own two hands.

It is 7 feet tall. As the pieces began to form the bookcase shape out in his shop, it was intimidating to think about how we were getting it in the house. Not because it was large beyond the doorway or Kyle hadn’t measured and planned the design to fit in our house, but instead who was going to help us carry this?

It looked heavy and ominous. Quite tall. I used to have more upper body strength from working manual labor jobs when I was younger but I lost it over time. I’ve learned that toning and building muscle seem to require more nuance than just practice and I was not doing the latter. Recently when we have carried things, my arms have been noodles, my strength as effective as trying to herd squirrels.

But I was pleasantly surprised, not because I magically became buff or someone else appeared to carry that thing up the stairs and into the house. Wall pilates came in clutch.

See there was an important building block I forgot about where true strength lies in your foundation, which is made ready through discipline. All those I got!

I mentioned in #34 – Shaping Up that I was getting serious about toning my waist for real this time. In doing so I have challenged myself to do at least one minute wall sit and one minute of planks per day. I’ve been doing this for over two months and have added wall pilates and deep-core training along the way. I’ve made my foundation strong by training my legs and my core, which blew me away last night because I think I lifted properly for the first time in my life.

It was all legs and core, my back and my arms didn’t hurt for a second. This is a first! And actually, I was able to shift the empty bookcase a bit on my own. This has shown me that like in everything in life preparation does make the difference. It’s important to keep up with my routine, even when I don’t feel like doing it because I’m busy. This training and discipline have positively affected my ability to do things before I even knew what was ahead of me! I was so relieved to be able to help him instead of having to ask my stepdad or brother-in-law.

I am quite pleased by both the results of deep core training and more importantly how lovely this bookcase looks in our house. He did a fantastic job!

#34 – Shaping Up

*Trigger Warning – weight, self-worth, ED, sizing* No worries if this one is not for you ❤


I wasn’t planning to write about this, mainly because I felt so ashamed a month ago when I visited my local outlets with an expectant heart to find the perfect baggy jeans to match my YesStyle inspiration photos, instead of finding what I wanted I got my butt handed to me by the un-standardization of standardized sizing and underwhelming offerings of American denim in 2023. Yeah, it was that kind of trip.

Rude Awakening

So I knew I would not find exactly what I was looking for because I was inspired by the offerings of Korean brands YesStyle and Acubi Club, and American fashion is different. I also knew that the reflection in the mirror would not look like what the photos looked like because I’m Irish-German-Canadian and not Korean, I am built differently. That was fine. I’m also not the same size as most K-pop idols because I’m not in my late teens-early twenties, plus the addition of age, stress, and developing intolerance to milk and casein protein, my body put on some weight. I’m not happy about it but I’m working on it so that I can lose the weight and keep it off.

With all that in mind, I forgot that there has been a shift in the desired body type since the last time I bought jeans. Slim-thick and curvy hips are out, heroin chic is in. Yikes. I say yikes because the last time this body type was during the y2k era and 2000s, but at least we had stretchy hip hugger jeans. Some of these jeans I tried on that were for Fall 2023 had the 1990s baggy shape but with ridged denim and were cut exclusively for a straight up and down body shape. One of the stores I found the most disappointing was Aeropostale. Now I know this is skewed to junior’s sizing, but it had the most potential because of the aesthetic of the styles they advertized across their store. There is an Acubi and K-fashion vibe to it, including a variety of cargo pants, compared to American Eagle which was also at my outlet but had an entirely different aesthetic. But, Aeropostale was frustrating for one reason alone – inconsistent sizing.

As I combed through the denim offerings, looking for the biggest size to have the most oversized look I could, I overheard a group of high schoolers who had just tried on jeans and were worriedly sifting through the pants for a bigger size. Two to three sizes bigger as the very slim teenagers worried nothing was going to fit them. I should have heeded this warning, but instead I loaded my arm with options and headed to the dressing room, much like Mort as he scampers, unaware up the beach as the shark tried to bite him.

It did not go well. One pair I got somewhat on my body but it was nowhere near close to zippering. The other ones simply would not go over my thighs, the so-called baggy jeans feeling a lot more like a recycled mom jeans pattern from 2019 instead of the baggy skater jeans of the late 1990s and early 2000s. (Trust me, I remember wearing both and the mom jeans were heckin’ uncomfortable.)

Confidence in Tatters

I kept calm and carried on to Wrangler which was a mistake because the women’s jeans were fitted, hourglass-shaped, and no longer stretchy. Can someone explain how curve-hugging jeans are supposed to do that when they are rigid denim? Anyways. The men’s jeans fit fine, but not what I was looking for. With the wind out of my sails, Kyle suggested Old Navy. At this point, I was afraid of jeans and women’s sizing. As I walked through Old Navy I grabbed sizes bigger than I ever tried before, grasping at straws in hopes that something would work. Ironically last season’s jeans gave me what I was looking for. I found success in the clearance section and purchased my Acubi-style jeans for $10. It was a screamin’ deal. It also was an ego gut punch as I bought jeans three sizes up from where I thought I would be. I selected two pairs and they are each a different size yet they fit me the same. Please, make it make sense!

Although I was happy to have found a style dupe, I felt this sense of dread about the other pants in my wardrobe. Was it the clothing or had my body changed again? Were my handcrafted, self-drafted, un-sized clothing pieces wrecking my ability to feel comfortable in standardized sizing? It left me in a terrible headspace where I pinballed between unworthiness and an unhinged desire to punish my body with intense workouts and restrictive diets. All over vanity. I don’t like how easily I put my worth in my outward appearance. This trivial experience weighed on my mind and affected my August.

I no longer wanted to catalog styling my handmade pieces. I felt like hiding from the blog as my inner monologue was pretty nasty towards myself, I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I just wanted to hide until I could force my body into the current shape of the moment. I felt old and fat. I’m neither of those things, but the inner critic consumed me.

The Plan

For the next week, I pushed myself to dial back my bad habits, portion down my plate, and cut back on sweets. I took it a little too far and had to let myself have a cookie because I realized I was spiraling to a really unhealthy place where I believed I needed to earn my food (90s American diet culture, anyone?)

One positive that came from this diet push was to break free from the fear of tracking my calories burned and distance on the exercise bike, instead of it being restrictive I found it motivating. I even reached a pace of 3 min/mile. It was so exciting! The experience showed me that I needed to make simple swaps because my cardio was good and the muscles underneath some of my chubby bits were getting strong, I just needed to tone and get leaner.

Now of course, just as we make progress in life, discouragement rears its ugly head. I cut my leg on the bike so I had to pause riding for a week, which of course broke the habit I built. I began lifting the set of weights we had for exercise instead and hit myself on the shoulder. I got an angry ingrown toenail making my planks painful and a stomach bug to boot. All in the span of 10 days, life is good. But in the meantime I started doing wall sits every day and planks most days. I can do a wall sit for 1 minute to 1 minute and 30 seconds. My plank time has also increased from 30 seconds to a minute. My posture is improving, my mind is growing stronger, and I am seeing results in my arms, legs, and waistline. I don’t mind the portion control at all actually I’ve enjoyed getting healthier and eating more fruit like bananas with my oatmeal. Popcorn is my go-to evening snack and I let myself have a piece of dark chocolate or two in the afternoon slump.

I feel agency again in my own body. I’ve learned that the weight I put on is not out of my control, and I can change the shape of my body with discipline, not restriction and punishment. Exercising is more of a mental thing than a physical task, and when I am struggling to stay motivated to push myself I remind myself that I can do anything for 30 seconds. I’m going to apply that mindset to life when it gets scary.

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