What’s something you believe everyone should know.
I believe that everyone should know that your worth is not defined by the career you currently do or do not have.
I wrote an essay on this subject during my post-grad meandering and I believe in this sentiment even more in the eight years since.
Growing up I didn’t realize how blessed the people in my life were because they had steady jobs at the same company. My mom worked for a civil engineering firm and then switched jobs to work at her alma mater when I was five so that she would be commuting less. My Papa had steady employment as a chemistry teacher, a defensive coordinator, a dean of students, and an athletic director. My Grandma had a well-established piano lesson business and worked a 40 to 50 hour schedule of teaching from home. Their careers were not their entire personalities but I associated them as a child with these occupations, I dreamed of being as successful as them, never thinking that a recession or slow job market was possible, I was a kid. It made sense to me that if you worked hard, developed skills, or got a degree that work would find you.
It was quite troubling to me when I put the work in and found myself failing to launch my career at 22. Two years of applying, interviewing, and finding nothing to show for it in my decaying Rust Belt region was a bit hit to my confidence, my ego, and my identity. I would dread social gatherings and new acquaintanceships because of that one lingering question. That dark cumulus nimbus hanging over all interactions – so, what do you do?
A lot of things! I wanted to reply, but any answer other than what my job title was would receive looks of disapproval like I was being immature. As a kid, adults seemed to celebrate things that you are interested in but as an adult myself, they looked at me like I wasn’t trying hard enough. That I was lazy, that I was failing. Falling behind. Nothing going for me. The conversation would either stop there or there would be more questions to get at the root of why I wasn’t where they were at 22 with a job, a house, a spouse, a kid, etc. Once I got married a little pressure came off, but then I was just a wife and unless I hinted at a due date or a new job, the same puzzled looks appeared.
Now this opened my eyes to how poorly we communicate and how shallow our relationships have become in North American society. It’s not dissimilar to how the question of “How’s it going?” or “How are you?” should only be answered with one reply – “Doing well.” or “I’m fine.” Because no one really wants to know, it’s just a greeting. A passing ship. If you answer the question with depth, that’s weird or too personal.
But we don’t have to stay in this place. I believe with each interaction we can change this on a personal level, and it starts by knowing that you are more than what you do. You are not defined by your career or your bank account, that is not where we gain our worth because we are humans and not stock portfolios!
This was filmed a few years before I visited Ireland and feels like a time capsule of memories plus it has a memorable storyline.
Twister (Dorothy flies!)
I love weather, and following the adventures of storm chasing. The 90s vibes are strong with this one, including a vintage Jeep truck.
Sweet Home Alabama (Do we know, Mo?)
Since getting married and briefly living in the South, this movie has grown fonder in my heart. My dream growing up was to move to NYC and show at Bryant Park like Melanie.
Bridget Jones Diary (Just as you are.)
I am a lot like Bridget Jones and this movie is just so heartwarming.
Pride & Prejudice (What excellent boiled potatoes.)
I love you, most ardently from your aesthetics to your soundtrack. The filming is a pure delight.
Madagascar 2 (the whole series, honestly. Basset Hound!)
Clever, witty, and not just a kid’s movie.
Runaway Bride (Wake up with Flem!)
Her name is Maggie! And I love the autumnal world of this 90s movie. Kyle and I also visited the real town on a vacation.
Pirates of the Caribbean (Savvy?)
I enjoy pirate things – the aesthetic and history. Great scenery and fun storytelling.
The Family Stone (more than a Christmas movie)
This movie is so dang relatable. I’d love to live in their house.
K-Pop. Boy bands, girl bands, flashy music videos, and complex choreography. BTS. Blackpink. PSY. It’s a genre growing in popularity in the West and you’ve probably heard of it. From the outside, it might not make a lot of sense. So where did this cultural wave of music and fashion originate? Well, we gotta go back a few decades. (Note: I became a fan in early 2022 so I am limited in my knowledge – I’m sorry if I don’t mention a band you stan <3)
Brief History of K-Pop
Western musical influences entered Korean culture in 1885 and continued throughout the 20th century after Korea’s liberation from Japanese occupation in 1945, due to the US military presence and the Korean War. USO tours brought artists such as Nat King Cole and Louis Armstrong to Korea, sparking interest in Western culture and music. This continued into the 1990s as Korean artists experimented with musical styles from other cultures and developed their own sounds. These included folk and rock ballads, with Korean musical groups, like the Kim Sisters performing in Las Vegas and on American television shows in the mid-20th century. J-Rock had an influence in the later 20th century.
The modern K-pop era began on April 11, 1992, when the band Teo Saiji and Boys debuted their first song “I Know” on Munhwa Broadcasting Corporation’s talent show. Their song showcased new jack swing inspirations from R&B and hip-hop which kicked off a wave of Korean hip-hop artists of the 1990s, such as Drunken Tiger. In June 2023, Stray Kids released the song Topline with Tiger JK of Drunken Tiger. Until 2012, K-pop was a success in Asia but hadn’t reached worldwide reach until PSY’s “Gangnam Style” followed by EXO’s debut in 2012, the debut of BTS in 2013, and finally, the debut of Blackpink in 2016. Blackpink would become the first K-pop group to headline at Coachella.
Record Labels, Trainees & Survival Shows
So where do all these bands come from? After the success of Teo Saiji and Boys, first album, and a new appetite for the hip-hop and R&B musical style of these emerging 1990s K-Pop artists, three labels were started that continue to be some of the biggest labels today – SM Entertainment in 1995, YG Entertainment in 1996 (formed by a member of Teo Saiji and Boys), and JYP Entertainment in 1997. This shifted the K-pop industry’s focus to teen-centered music and idol bands that would capture the attention of teen boys and girls – the structure we still see today of boy groups and girl groups. The business was modeled after J-pop in Japan.
Trainees who want to debut as idols undergo rigorous auditions and training to learn singing and dancing skills, but also how to navigate the media by their etiquette and attitude, as well as knowledge, of the Korean language because not all K-pop idols are native Korean speakers. Current examples of this are Lisa of Blackpink, Johnny of NCT 127, and Felix of Stray Kids, who all became fluent in Korean through their idol training.
Another element of the debut process for some groups can involve reality tv style survival shows. The Mnet Survival Show became very popular in the 2010s and led to the formation of many groups including TWICE, Seventeen, ENYPHEN, Kep1er, Momoland, and Stray Kids. The trainees compete against each other while gradually being eliminated. The top seven of Twice’s survival show “Sixteen” were selected to debut along with an audience favorite and J.Y.P.’s selection for eight in total with members added later. The contestants went on to other projects, some debuting with other groups.
Maknaes, Leaders, and Visuals
Something that I found hard to follow at first was the term “maknae” meaning the youngest person in a group, but I’ve learned through time and research that it is a part of Korean culture to recognize who is oldest and youngest within a group. Each group has a recognized maknae, Jong-ho in Ateez, Yuna in ITZY, NingNing in Aespa, and our Maknae on Top – I.N. of Stray Kids.
The oldest or an older member of a group is usually the leader usually each group has a leader, except for some groups like Blackpink, K.A.R.D., New Jeans, etc. The leaders write music and contribute to the group’s concept alongside the producers but they are also the spokesperson for the group and keep the group in order. Some current K-pop group leaders are Taeyong of NCT 127, Mark Lee of NCT Dream, Hongjoong of Ateez, Chaewon of Le Sserafim, and Jihyo of Twice.
Another thing that threw me off was the designation of the visual in a group. There are many roles within these groups – leader, maknae, lead vocals, lead rapper, main vocalist, main rapper, main dancer, sub-vocalist, and the visual. Basically, the visual is the member who best represents Korean beauty standards within the group and has been a part of K-pop from the beginning. Jisoo is the visual of Blackpink, Hyunjin is the visual of Stray Kids, Yeosang is the visual of Ateez, and Miyeon is the visual of (G)-IDLE. There can be a lot of debate between fans on who is the visual and being the visual doesn’t keep you from serving in other roles.
Fandom Names, Lightsticks, Sub-units & Bias
Each group has a fan name with BTS’ fandom name probably being the most famous – ARMY. Blackpink fans call themselves Blinks. Stray Kids have STAY, Ateez stans are Atiny, and NCT fans call themselves NCTzens or NCTizens (pronounced N-citizens) as they are citizens of NCT City (Neo Culture Technology). Twice fans are called Once which I think is cute. EXO fans as a group are called EXO-L and fans individually are referred to as Stars. Itzy has MIDZY and TXT has MOA which stands for moments of alwaysness. Moments of Alwaysness as a name is quite poetic and dreamy. Fans are also referred to as stans, as you stan the group you are a fan of.
I thought lightsticks were pretty gimmicky until I saw videos of them at concerts and close-up videos of the lightstick designs – they are actually pretty cool and unique. I personally love Ateez’s lightstick concept the most, both version one and version two because they feature pirate motifs. I also love the cute and slightly menacing Blackpink double-sided heart hammer light stick as well as Cherry Bullet’s squirt gun light stick.
Some groups have sub-units with the actual K-pop group concept and they will release albums within these sub-units while still being a part of the original group. These albums have different concepts than the original group. Notable Sub-units are NCT U, NCT 127, and NCT Dream all within the group NCT. The fandom name NCTzen or NCTizen can be applied to all. Girls Generation has a sub-unit called TTS or TaeTiSeo, Seventeen has BBS or BooSeokSoon, along with many, many other sub-units across K-pop.
Your bias, or selecting a bias is just selecting your favorite member for each group. Your bias wrecker is a member within that group that makes you want to switch your favorite member. At the moment, in Stray Kids, I’d say Felix is my bias and Changbin is my current bias wrecker. In Ateez, Hongjoong is my bias but Wooyoung is turning into a bias wrecker.
Comebacks, Music Videos, and Discography
I first got into the music by watching music videos while I rode my exercise bike, through this I learned to not sleep on K-pop music videos – they are integral to the concept as K-pop is quite visual from dancing to fashion, it is a part of the experience. My early favorites were Kick It by NCT 127, Kill This Love by Blackpink, Don’t Stop by Ateez, Maniac by Stray Kids, and That That by PSY & Suga. I love the aesthetics at play and how the members are styled for these videos. It is in my opinion more inspiring than reading Vogue or watching fashion week anymore.
Comebacks and discography were the most confusing to navigate, to be honest. Comebacks refer to the new release by a band, that includes the promotional material for the concept, photo cards, choreography sneak peeks and dance challenges, performances, the music video, and the single/ep/album being released. There is a lot involved! And to make it more confusing bands release full Japanese albums, compilation albums, and mixtapes that are all different. If you are going to buy a K-pop album I highly recommend doing research first.
I made that mistake with my first album purchase – I bought a BTS album second-hand and bought the wrong version. The store had three different versions of the Love Yourself album. I wanted the version that contained the track DNA, and out of the three versions I purchased the only version not to have DNA. Yep, I bought ‘Tear’ but it was a great learning experience and helped me explore their discography more.
Wrap Up
I hope this little guide is helpful to you if you have been curious about K-pop or have a loved one or friend who is a K-pop fan. It’s a fun world to escape into. There is so much more I could dive into but this post would just be endless so thanks for coming along on this journey with me.
This has been a slow burn since getting into Japanese fashion aesthetics, which ignited my fascination with styling and fashion design. Fruits magazine was the gateway to an intensifying desire to learn, experience, and appreciate Japan and its culture. From Japanese Ninja Warrior to Studio Ghibli to Akira Kurosawa, each has been a step deeper into an affection for a country I’ve never been to but feels so much like a place I could feel at home.
Since watching James May: Our Man in Japan and Ivan Orkin’s episode of Chef’s Table, I’m certain that I will go there someday, or else I will feel deep regret. The beauty of the land and the rich culture calls to me. My goal is to be fluent enough in Japanese by that point that I will be able to communicate in Japanese more than in English. I know it’s a lofty goal, but it would mean so much to me. After traveling to Rome and Paris, I realized how much I wish I studied Italian and French before arriving.
Specific places I would like to see would be each of the islands, Kyushu and Shikoku for sure, and spend time outside the big cities. I’d like to see Hokkaido blanketed in snow. Preferably this trip would be a slower one to explore without rushing through the islands, with time to experience an onsen, a ryokan stay, and a traditional kaiseki meal. Attending a Japanese baseball game would be high on my list too as well as staying in a rural village.
Argentina
This is a new addition to my travel list, thanks to the wonderful travel content of Samuel and Audrey, who have showcased Argentina’s beauty and food with such authenticity. Before finding their travel videos I knew little to nothing about Argentina, but the experience Audrey and her dad share through the vlogs and memories of living in the Cordoba region have piqued my interest! Lately, they’ve been sharing their experiences of visiting Estancias in rural Argentina near the Patagonia region. The scenery is breathtaking.
Australia
To be honest, I’ve wanted to visit Australia probably since I was a child. I grew up at the height of Steve Irwin’s Crocodile Hunter show. Steve and Terri Irwin’s work beyond crocodiles, educated me on the incredibly unique animals of Australia which in turn made me want to go to this one-of-a-kind place. As an adult, Melbourne’s unique food culture is a driving force behind a visit, as well as the Australia travel van life videos of Flying the Nest have expanded my interest in seeing all of Australia.
Kenya
This is a special one. Through Compassion International, I currently sponsor a child who lives in Kenya. Sponsorship means that I help his family with schooling costs and health insurance basically. It takes the financial pressure off of his family. With that being said, I would love to see his home country and experience his culture. He and his family are so dear to us and it would mean a lot to visit Kenya. I’d also love to explore Africa beyond just seeing Kenya. Top Gear UK has done two Africa specials, one in Botswana, and another one that explored Central Africa (Tanzania, Uganda, and Rwanda) which looked like an amazing trip.
Poland
Karolina Zebrowska put Poland on my radar and her love for Poland has been contagious. Poland itself is beautiful. The pictures and videos I have seen of Krakow look stunning. Growing up in Western Pennsylvania, the pierogi is a staple that I adore. The Polish delis around Pittsburgh are fantastic and I’d love to experience the authentic food of Poland. Another reason Poland is on this list is because of the people and their empathy, compassion, and generosity. The way in which they welcomed Ukrainian refugees into the country with love and open arms, taught me and challenged me to emulate this instead of being a complacent American. It’s about people, not politics.
Korea
K-Pop. That’s really the basis for my deep desire to visit Korea. Before K-pop entered my life, I knew very little about Korea except the cuisine was delicious. After being a K-Pop fan for 1.5 years, I’ve dived into other areas of Korean culture and I’m a fan. It looks like a stunning country with incredible food, people, hiking, and baseball. I’d like to see Seoul and browse the K-fashion boutiques and street food while exploring the city on foot like Seoul Walker. Busan and Jeju are on my list too, as well as attending a KBO game.
China
China might be the most fascinating country of them all. The vast amount of diversity in culture, geography, and cuisine, is overwhelmingly awesome. Xiran Jay Zhou and Mike Chen have educated me, as well as the many Anthony Bourdain episodes in China, that China would be a never-ending story to explore and that excites me. Now this is the one country on my list that I don’t think I’ll actually make it to. The China I want to experience and the China that currently exists are in conflict.
The government’s despicable actions towards Falun Gong, Christians, Hong Kong, Tibet, and the Uyghr genocide, to name a few. Not to mention their general lack of regard for their own people’s human rights and free speech is in tatters. So this will probably remain only a trip in my imagination. But, a girl can dream.
In my dream scenario, I’d like to soak up the architecture of both ancient and modern. The mountains of Zhangjiajie National Forest Park are breathtaking. The rainbow mountains of Zhangye and the Fujian Tulou circular homes look fascinating to explore, as well as the Terracotta Warriors in Xian. Pagodas, tea, noodles, bao, art, moon gates, etc. I’d like to see as many provinces as possible and go east and west, north and south to try to scratch the surface.
Some say she doesn’t use patterns. And that she’s never heard of a measuring spoon. But we all know is she’s called a maniac.
I’ve always aspired to the words of Miss Frizzle, that in life it’s time to take chances, make mistakes, and get messy. That is my creative approach whether with thread, paint, or in the kitchen. It is my ethos. I am not organized, but I have flair! I enjoy a good adventure in learning, even if that takes me to a destination unexpected. It was the journey that mattered most. That is why my creative personality has gravitated toward hands-on jobs – campus mail carrier, paint crew, library assistant, switchboard operator, or Appalachian culture site manager. The list goes on and on. There was more freedom to be me, and less pressure to conform.
I do not translate to an office job. Although I tried my hardest to be what they wanted me to be. I stuck it out for 3.5 years in a corporate marketing department, my creative style was highly reigned in. I made my deadlines and was as focused as possible, but it just wasn’t a good fit. Not like cooking, baking, sewing, knitting, writing, painting – making things is such a joy. I think because the process is messy. It is a flurry of creation. And that suites me.
I’ve learned that choosing not to follow the exact directions and recipes for creativity’s sake, can seem odd to a type-A, organized person. This has been particularly evident in marriage as Kyle and I can be complete opposites sometimes. But it works because teamwork has ebbs and flows. In time, our differences have become endearing to one another. I think that one of the coolest think the most extraordinary thing about relationships is that you grow to appreciate each other, including your differences.
In my maniac fashion, I’ve discovered new recipes I’d not tried without experimenting. I’ve also learned how march to the beat of my own drum, even if that is weird for people. I’ve also accepted the fact, that even when I am trying so hard to be precise, my creative nature and clumsiness will inevitably take over and that’s okay. I can make messes without feeling like a failure. I don’t have to compare myself to the Pinterest-worthy images that wallpapers the internet into an aesthetic monotony. Sometimes a little spice of imperfection is good for the creative soul. And thanks to Stray Kids’ Oddinary comeback, I have an anthem!
A little disclaimer: this post is written in good fun. As an Top Gear fan, the word maniac is beloved (and a term of endearment between Kyle and me). It’s not being used offensively. Please don’t take this out of context. Thanks ♥️
One of my biggest fears was realized when death came knocking and was forced to live apart from my grandpa. He was such a big part of my life growing up, filling both the role of grandfather and dad when I was young.
In 1st grade, fresh from retirement from his role as an athletic director, he suited up he said for his most important job yet – picking me up from school. Every day he lined up his truck in the parking lot with coffee and newspaper in hand, chuckling to himself that he was the only “old guy” there in a sea of minivans and stay-at-home moms.
I got used to his presence, whether it was the car rides home from school with a serenade of his music, usually The Brothers Four, or another singing group he liked in college. Sometimes it was Willie Nelson, Vince Gill, could be Alabama. If there was a quartet performance coming up, he would practice his part as the high tenor of The King’s Men gospel quartet. After school, he might teach me how to hit a baseball properly or we would wash the car. When I got a pet rabbit in 3rd grade, Papa was by my side caring for the rabbit like it was his own. He built me a swingset and went to every chorus content, home volleyball game, art show, open house, jog-a-thon, etc.
As I grew older, and my mom bought her own house, our relationship had to change because instead of seeing him at the breakfast table and after school, I had to be intentional. I talked to him and Grandma after school on the phone. I’d visit them on the weekends and on breaks from school, I always knew I was welcome to be there. On Saturday mornings, we made a standing date to get breakfast at a local diner. We had a special order, he would order eggs, bacon, and toast with an extra plate. I ordered the pancakes and we’d split the lot. He taught me how to ride a bike, so why wouldn’t I look to him to teach me how to drive? It just made sense. Moving into college we had pizza lunch dates, where we’d discuss my classes and his current readings. In the fall, he was my football game buddy.
It was his opinion I cared the most about, from what career choice I made to the boy I started dating, and was getting pretty fond of junior year. When that boy asked me to marry him, Kyle became part of our little circle. I knew time existed, and the limitations of age and health would get us eventually, but when death came to take Papa away, I realized how scary it was to think of carrying on without him. It felt impossible. Unnatural.
Today is the third anniversary and I’m relieved that I feel okay, as weird as it is to be okay. I didn’t think I could find this place of being okay. Overcoming my fear took practice. When death happens you don’t really get a chance to prepare. The moment it happens there is no going back and it’s weird.
Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places.
Habakkuk 3:17-19 ESV
What helped me get through this fear the most was the support to keep walking forward, my support came from the Lord and my wonderful friends (and best friend, Kyle). I had to believe that God’s promises were good. Like the words of Tauren Wells’ song “God’s Not Done” I had to trust that there was more for me coming than the dead end, I felt stuck in. Fear is a liar, as Zach Williams writes, and pushing the fear back into its place was what ultimately helped me. But this journey has been three years of hard work and there are still moments where I feel like I’ve made zero progress. That’s when I remember Habakkuk 3:17-19 and Lamentations 3:22-24. It’s a tough road, but I am learning to feel the emotions instead of being afraid of them.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”
A: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Hebrews 12:1-2 NIV
I remember in 2009, this was my school’s theme verse for the year. It was on the bulletin board you saw as you entered the high school building. Being our theme verse it was incorporated into devotionals throughout the school year, lessons, and referenced by my fellow students, but I thought about it more in the context of our annual jog-a-thon. The day the whole school K-12, held a fundraiser at our local college’s track to raise money through lap sponsorship. More miles clocked, more money raised for the next year. Every May, this day was the only day I ever jogged around a track. It was a big push to keep the school going, and I endured for one day. Afterward, I would put set down my perseverance and keep going through life until the next jog-a-thon. It’s funny how I didn’t think it would apply to life.
Because I heard this verse so often in high school, it was an easy one to memorize. I carried it with me into my life without giving it much thought. Suddenly, it came back into view when my Grandma had to live by herself for the first time. My Papa was sick and living full-time at a nursing home. She was alone and was feeling like life had leveled up quick. I remember talking with her and she would quote the verse from high school, Hebrews 12:1-2. “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer, and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him, he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” She changed my perspective on this verse from being a coffee mug kind of quote to understanding the deeper meaning written in these words from Hebrews.
The Book of Hebrews was a letter written to a Jewish Christian community that was facing persecution and imprisonment because of their association with Jesus and the 12 apostles. They are facing hard times, with no end in sight. They are not simply running a race, it is a metaphor. The audience was feeling discouraged, unsure if they could carry on when the future looked grim and full of suffering. What I learned through my conversations with my Grandma was that she was feeling incredibly overwhelmed by how her life had changed by Papa not being there. We didn’t know if he would recover, or if he would be healthy enough to come home. Everything about her world looked unfamiliar, she was now a sojourner in unknown lands. Her best friend was no longer by her side and this new reality had no end. Like people for whom Hebrews was written, she didn’t know what the future held and she knew the likely options were dark, filled with separation and death.
It was tough to find the words to comfort a friend who is suffering. From this experience, I learned that even Christians don’t always know what to say or how to comfort those who are walking through a season of pain. To my Grandma, the Book of Hebrews became a beacon of hope. A reminder that the desert road is winding towards a destination that is better than where she currently stood. Although she didn’t want to be there, the words of encouragement in Hebrews 12:1-2 reminded her that she wasn’t the first person to experience this kind of pain. As the Messiah, Jesus experienced what it was like to be fully human and fully God. He experienced persecution, loneliness, and separation from His Father on the cross. He knew what it was like to be staring down a timeline moving toward death. Because of that, we can look to His example and dig deep knowing that He will be with us every step of the way.
After both my grandparents passed away, I realized there is even more to this verse. I ignored the section, “surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses” and failed to consider what a great cloud of witnesses meant. At the jog-a-thon, it was a group effort. Parents, older siblings, younger siblings, teachers, etc. They were all around us on the track during the race. Some were waiting in the stands, and some were cheering us on from the water station – we weren’t alone on that track. Alongside myself, my friends were running too. We would motivate each other to keep going. In life, God brings people into our lives to encourage us. Maybe they aren’t the people you long for, like loved ones who have passed on, but they are people who know how to love you. They cheer you on through the ups and downs of life.
With a deeper understanding, Hebrews 12:1-2 has gone from being a school theme verse to a reminder to keep going when life feels impossible. It gives me the hope that life will get better, on those days I have to dig deep because I am not alone. This verse has helped me time and time again re-frame my overwhelming emotions to transform them from obstacles into motivation to keep running the race.
Q: Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?
A: PROVERBS 3:5-6
At the breakfast table, on my placemat next to a bowl of cereal and a glass of juice, Papa would leave half a banana. I’m not sure when this tradition started but each morning, he would split a banana with me. He was always willing to share anything he had with me, including wisdom.
By the time I wandered downstairs, sleepy-eyed and wishing it was still night, my chipper, morning-person Papa would be done with his breakfast and reading the paper. Waiting for me. Never waiting in impatience, waiting in such a warm and mentoring way. He wanted to know what was on my mind, was there a test at school that day to pray for or an event with friends that I was looking forward to? He took the job of raising me, as a substitute dad very seriously.
Around that breakfast table, Papa would prepare me for the day ahead not just with food but with cultivating a wise mindset. Before he ate breakfast, while I was still sleeping, he and Grandma would do their morning Bible study together. It was a ritual that as an adult my husband and I try to emulate. It was from this time with the Lord that I understand how Papa had so much wisdom to pour into me at those breakfast chats.
Lean Not, On Your Own Understanding
A verse that has become my favorite, a nugget of wisdom that I seek to live by, is Proverbs 3:5-6. It was a verse that came up often at those morning meals, so much so that I memorized the verses simply by hearing this piece of wisdom over and over throughout the years.
As a child, I absorbed it but did not understand it. As a teen I scoffed at it, in college I ignored it, and as a floundering young adult, I clung to it.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
I thought it was just a bunch of rules, another way to feel like I had no agency in my life and so as a hubris-filled teen I didn’t want to submit my way to God’s way. “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” William Earnest Henley writes in his poem, Invictus. As young people, I think we are so keen to believe the world stretches out before us. We are told that by media, secular books, and movies. I think we believe it because it makes us feel powerful and less overwhelmed by the future that awaits us. Because we don’t know the future, we can only guess what tomorrow will bring. We are not in control at all. And when the world knocks you down, and changes the path you chose to a path that fails you, being the master of your fate rings hollow.
The illusion of being in control makes you realize how small you really are. The individualistic culture of the United States sells you a false promise of control that living for yourself and pursuing what’s best for you above all will bring you ultimate happiness. It directly contradicts what Papa was teaching me with our morning chats, and pulled me into a path that was not straight, but twisty and shadowed. As a chronic overthinker, Proverbs 3:5-6 didn’t appear to me as the safer option because in its message it challenges you to drop your worries at the feet of the Lord and rely on Him to give you directions on where you should go.
As an overthinker, the process calms me down not the result, thinking and obsessing about what to do next keeps my mind busy, and so I misbelieve this is the way to peace. When indeed, as someone who now strives to live according to Proverbs 3:5-6, the cycle of overthinking is just a distraction. It is not peaceful or profitable.
Don’t Try to Figure Everything Out
What has made me feel strong in those weak moments has surprisingly enough been submitting to the Lord and not leaning on my own understanding; because I learned over a string of mistakes that my understanding is flawed. I’ve learned that I play a short game while God is playing the long one. He is playing chess while I’m playing checkers. I simply cannot perceive all He has in store for me. And unless I get out of God’s way and let Him lead me, I’m going to miss out on His will and His process, like being at peace in the middle of uncertainty.
My grandma, like me, was an overthinker, at times a bit of a control freak like myself. She struggled with submitting her concerns and desires to God, but when should tell me about her struggles she would bring up Proverbs 3:5-6 and I believe she was reminding me as much as she was reminding herself. Papa was a worrier, which I struggle with. I see now that He was probably passing this verse down to me because He could see my penchant to worry and wanted to give me a tool to thrive when worry washed over me.
At the time, I thought He was just putting a challenge in front of me, but now I see he was instilling godly wisdom around that breakfast table. I see now that as much as Proverbs 3:5-6 was for being brought up for me at those breakfast chats, it was a reminder for Grandma and Papa too. When the time came to learn how to keep living without Papa, Grandma and I clung to Proverbs 3:5-6. I even have a few voicemails from her reminding herself and myself not to try to figure everything out but to lean on the Lord for guidance.
Now that she is gone too, I have wondered who is going to remind me? When I am feeling stuck, wishing I could ask either Papa or Grandma for advice, I have worried about who will keep me directed on the right path in those key moments? Ironically enough, I am forgetting who said those words of Proverbs 3:5-6 in the first place. The Lord. And the Lord has reminded me when I am stuck. He replays His words of wisdom in my mind. Because He is such a comforting and loving God He reminds me in such a dear way. I hear Papa’s wisdom at the breakfast table, and Grandma’s reminders when it gets tough, the memories of their voices saying to rely on the Lord for He will make your paths straight.
This is why I live by this quote. What quote do you live by? Did a mentor instill in you, wisdom that you still rely on today? Have you had the chance to mentor and pass wisdom down to others?
One Rabbit Riot 