Tag: art

#44 – Reset Over Resolutions

I’m not a big New Year’s Resolution girl, I’m not sure if I’ve ever seriously done that or just made a joking one in my head when I was a teen cause I thought that’s what you were supposed to do. What I do like doing instead is resetting my habits and schedule after Christmas. Because no matter what phase I am in my life that week between Christmas and New Year’s seems to wreck my daily schedule and motivation like no other.

Blocks of Productivity

My plan was literally to plan, I opened Google Docs and made myself a table for a daily schedule. I have tasks I want to be doing each day or every other day – devotions, exercise, Japanese learning, writing, sewing, knitting, art, and cleaning. Without the schedule, I tend to fixate on one thing all day or jump around not making progress on much of anything except for getting through my YouTube music playlists. My solution? Blocking my time like college. Spending a chunk of time, an hour or two, the most three on a given task to get things done and keep my motivation up.

In the morning I’ve decided I have the option to do devotions, Kanji study, art (natural light dependent), or writing. In the afternoon I prefer knitting, sewing, or writing. Intersperse cleaning and exercise in between tasks. The results? One week in and I’d say, I like it! I’ve made progress on my Kanji vocabulary goals – learning 60 Kanji between two lessons. Blocking the Japanese lessons for first in the morning for two hours is the best time for my brain to absorb it. Knitting or sewing in the afternoon has helped me through that mid-afternoon slump.

It’s also allowed me a way to walk away from sewing if I am not enjoying the process. Instead of devoting a whole day to sewing like I did in the past, blocking sewing to a few hours in the afternoon lets my mind feel like I can accomplish a project and still feel okay walking away after an hour. Because sometimes sewing can make me angry. Yesterday, sewing made me quite mad after my three of my hems jammed into the needle plate. The hem was driven down by the needle and unable to be removed without stitch ripping and eventually ripping a hole in the hem. I was angry and ready to be done and instead of angry sewing, I pivoted to something else knowing I could pick up tomorrow and I would because of my new schedule.

Balance in Writing

Another motivator that prompted me to reset my daily schedule was the writing ideas I had. I mentioned before that I have a fiction idea that I have tabled for now for a more pressing idea, a non-fiction fashion research project. This is going to be a big project that needs structure to get done because I have not researched since college and it intimidates me a bit to think of doing that again without the access of inter-library-loan. I don’t know how straightforward the process is going to be on my own without the resources and my mentor to encourage me forward.

I’ve started writing poetry again, mainly to cope with big emotions, something I want to discuss further in a separate post. I’m enjoying it. I enjoy how it makes me feel to write for the fun of it again. I’ve been writing for the fun of it more and more. Last week, I wrote two lengthy pieces that could be blog posts, but I’m not sure if they are “done” yet if that makes sense. And then there is this blog, I need to be more consistent. A reset I am after this month is to get consistent and if necessary make a content calendar to keep myself on task like I used to in my digital marketing job.

Sunshine Come Back

I want to paint more, to sketch daily, and I truly feel handcuffed by the weather. This fall and winter it has been exceptionally dreary. Like we get hints of sunshine and then the gray rolls in. Today, it is mid-morning and the sun has technically risen but I can’t see it behind the sleet, the dark shadows cast by the gray clouds, and the racing wind. It is hecking depressing and I like rainy days and spooky gray skies, but this is truly messing with the art. I need to figure out a lighting situation. Once I do that I hope to get sketching and painting consistently again. Either way, Spring will come or my lighting solution will.

Seasons of Fashion

My sewing and knitting waves of creation follow seasons, the weather seasons, and not the fashion seasons because I can’t keep up and tend to forget that fashion seasons are the opposite of what you would think they would be. That being said, I made a big push in the fall to wrap up cold weather projects before December and since November, I have taken my foot off the gas pedal. But this coasting has to come to an end at some point and that is what this schedule is for because I have purchased fabric for some big, ambitious makes and those are going to take time. For knitting, I’d like to develop more knitting patterns and start looking at launching a shop in some capacity either with patterns or finished goods. I feel more confident in my knitting skills right now than in my sewing skills, but I am going to challenge myself to track my patterns for sewing this year.

This reminds me, I need to transfer a self-drafted pattern I cut out yesterday to my brown kraft paper before I sew up the side and finish the garment. I should go do that before I forget!

Winter Sunset | 01

Yesterday, as I video chatted with my mom a beautiful sunset washed across the sky above my house. The clouds glowed a cool icy lavender and the sun began trekking westward on a pink and orange fire. It was stunning, a showstopper. A sight I look forward to each year because sunsets, in my opinion, look more beautiful against the canvas of snow and leafless trees. There is a stark contrast that doesn’t appear real and yet it is.

I snapped a picture knowing I had to try painting this, and try over and over again until I learn how to get it right. This is the first attempt of many, maybe a lifetime I don’t know.

The process of developing the glow. It was messy, frustrating, and at times felt fruitless.
Finished painting photographed in natural light. The outside light was fading, yet the pink accents glowed from behind, exactly as I intended. It was great feedback from the painting itself that I may be able to capture the sunset’s glow with practice.
Finished painting photographed in an illuminated room.

#43 – Sketching While I Listen

My go-to in school, during sermons growing up (being honest here), or even while watching television was to have a notebook in hand and to sketch. Usually, my hand would gravitate first to flowers or stars and then sweep towards the runway and I would sketch fashion designs. I did this from 11 years onward until, I think I started sewing which is ironic because you’d think I’d sketch more now. Lately, during phone conversations, I’ve noticed if I’m not doing chores like dishes or folding laundry while catching up with friends and family or knitting, my hand gets an itch to draw. Yesterday as I sat in my husband’s home office while video calling I grabbed random scrap paper and his pen in order to make sweeping gowns. Why? I think old habits and dang, I noticed my listening skills go up when my hands are busy.

I wouldn’t say I struggle to sit still, I think my mind just tends to wander as I conversate with others, and with the random creative energy swirling in my mind, I begin to feel restless. But as I grabbed that familiar pen and began to sketch my mind became clear and tuned to the topic at hand.

I remember my notebooks in school were adorned with dresses, jackets, and full-collections down the side of my history notes interspersed with a flourish of stars and flowers. When I used to watch movies with my mom growing up I would sketch my favorite pieces from the costume design. I think that’s why I fell in love with Joe Wright’s 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice. I know, that the pieces used in the movies are painfully not Regency Era fashion, but those moments of costume design sparked my imagination as a teenager who loved history and fashion.

I didn’t realize I had stopped doing this as a habit until yesterday, and honestly, I don’t want to stop sketching like that again. I think a new goal in 2024 will be to continue sketching when I watch instead of filling my hands with knitting. There’s a special creativity that seems to come from these moments.

Do you like to multi-task like this? What’s your go-to way to relax?

Instagram Isn’t The Same

Lately, Instagram has been getting to me. It’s something that I’m not proud to admit because it sounds a bit pathetic, but hear me out. I’ve had an account since 2016 and mainly used it to share my travel memories and to experiment with photography as a creative outlet. It was fun and broke me out of my shell because it was an image, not a Facebook status update to perfect or a clever tweet to craft because I’m shy, and those social media sites honestly intimidated me.

And so Instagram was this fun creative outlet to express myself and in doing so share these creative moments with some IRL people and more often than not, new people that over time have become internet acquaintances. I found a community of people who got me when my in-person community was lacking. Later that year when I joined WordPress for the first time under the name Muirin Project I was less scared to share my writing because Instagram taught me there are people out there like me who love creating and connecting across the world. An introvert the world is your oyster type of thing, and I was pleased.

As my account has transitioned through the years through different creative projects, like world-building for Udal Cuain, watercolors, knitting and now sewing it’s ebbed and flowed and never felt like an empty void like it does now. With a focus change, I’d gain and lose followers and I never noticed a big jump or big loss until last year. When Instagram pivoted to add reels for a Tik-Tok style feed and sharing, things got a bit weird. I was in a place of discovery, figuring out what the next step should be with my newfound skills, and playing around with reels. Reels and experimentation with the creator account features opened up a new world.

Growth is Weird

Understanding SEO and the need for traffic to build a bigger audience, the platform’s push to share reels higher into the algorithm was a no-brainer as I was testing the waters of turning my sewing into a business. Reels were made and shared and some did poorly and others gained 1000s of views. For an account of 230-ish followers, this felt big, at times too big, and a little scary. The other scary thing was how there was little to no control over what would be pushed out to the algorithm and I was quickly discouraged by the performance of reels that featured projects I put a lot of work into. Reels however did grow my account and I continued to play around with them until this fall when my desire to spend the time on these little videos died.

What I noticed from 2022 to 2023 is that it doesn’t matter whether I share a photo or a reel, they don’t get shared with anyone, most importantly my friends and family. They just do nothing and it frustrates me because I’m not making them for me, I am making them for what they used to do to expand my reach to new people and share my designs with new audiences. As a creative expression, well I’m not a filmmaker and it shows.

What I did start to notice was a new trend, the creator account features became impossible to ignore. A nice little dashboard was added this year to show you, how in my case at least, my account was failing to reach people. This left me with a conundrum, first how the heck do I disable this feature and second, how much do I care about having an account with a category? I did notice that having my account as an “Artist” account limited the random inappropriate spam comments and follows but was the constant reminder of the dashboard worth it?

That dashboard affected me far more than I wish it did. As a recovering perfectionist and overachiever, this was sending me into a Paris Gellar and Amy Santiago type of spiral! This is a career change and life re-route and it has felt like nothing but failure for most of it because I feel like no matter what I’m behind. Instagram’s creator tools and reels were not inspiring me or helping me to “build my business” like they claim, it was making me feel small because of how the entire app is like a big mirror shining back things through a lens of comparison. I didn’t like nor did I want to accept the bitterness welling up inside at others’ success and achievements. It goes against what I believe to tear others down like that to build myself up. I could tell it was making not feel like myself or spark the joy of connection that it used to.

What Am I Doing This for?

In the spiral, before I figured out how to disable the dashboard and return to my public account, I began to question more than just my success according to the app but the point of why I was doing any of this? What was the point of sewing, creating, writing, etc if nothing would show for it? Should I go back to a dead-end job and find my worth within work and money so I could live the American dream of the house and the stuff? I felt like a loser and I didn’t like how much it shook me.

Because that is not where I find my worth and if you have been around the blog before or know me in real life you know that is not what I believe in.

My mom actually pulled me back into focus with incredible advice, to only create things that bring me joy. Not to create things for growth or success or gaining other’s approval, but to make things that make me happy and the joy and passion behind them will be evident to others. She challenged me to re-center back to why I am doing this in the first place because I feel like I am dying inside if I am not making, drawing, writing, and creating. I’ve been this way my whole life and to be honest the only potential wasted time was the time I walked away from all of it to be someone else and pursue a career for the sake of it in my old dead-end job. But even that wasn’t wasted because God used that time to teach me more about myself and the world around me.

Shifting Sand

This brings me to my current frustration with Instagram, the ever-changing follower count that seems more akin to sand in an hourglass than ever before. I’ve been creating for fun, in joyful and passionate waves of knitting, sewing, drawing, and writing. I’ve been doing it for the sake of doing it, not growing towards anything or having a business. I’ve been making out of love.

Because I’ve been making things out of a deep place of passion and love for the process and artistry of it, it is killing me inside each time I share something on Instagram that I am truly proud of and know that it will be followed by a trickle of unfollows after I share. Of course, there will be new people but those unfollows make you feel like crap because I feel like I shared something deeply connected to me and when I would share, in years past the unfollow trickle wasn’t instantaneous to sharing a new post. It’s like Instagram’s new format is to discourage you from using it with this new algorithm and the bombardment of ads and threads, which I can’t seem to turn off either?

Logically, I know it isn’t that deep and my art is not for everyone. I’ve been reminding myself of that a lot lately, that I can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. I think in those my sensitive artist side just feels so spurned by the world, so it will be a process to learn how to ignore it. I wish the platform wasn’t going in this direction though because those connection moments of the past were so sweet and I miss that. Not everyone was an influencer, a creator, a business, or a professional photographer there was a relaxed and fun nature to it that is missing.

The Chase or The Rock

I’m lacking gratitude, and that is the key that I am missing to feeling free from the dark cloud that hangs over us in this social media age. My account has actually grown a lot this year, far more than I expected reaching past the 400 I was hoping to reach. Recently it swung up to 470+ and I began pushing for 500 by 2024, the feeling of chasing over took me instead of pleasure at surpassing my original goal. Funny how the echo chamber of social media makes us feel less than worthy no matter what we do, and that is why I need to be more vigilant at staying focused on what matters.

As I’ve been praying about this, a random and funny reminder has popped into my mind. I think God has a sense of humor so it makes sense. There is this interview on Top Gear UK between Jeremy Clarkson and James Blunt, during one of the old news segments, where they are discussing Blunt’s tweets. James Blunt was unafraid to respond to trolls with tongue-in-cheek quips, including one about the smaller size of his Twitter account compared to other celebrities and Blunt responded, “Jesus only needed 12.” That has stuck with me because why do I feel this need to chase more and more exposure to my account and my designs, comparison. If I am supposed to become something and do something bigger than what I am doing, cannot God accomplish that with 460? He can do the impossible with even less. This is where He has me and this is what I feel called to be doing, I need to quit looking to the right and the left and keep moving forward. And honestly, kick the rest of that noise out of my mind for good.

I hope this post isn’t too long-winded or weird. This has been in my heart for a while, and I’m still wrestling with it. I’m beginning to realize that it is going to be a constant battle to stay rooted in the right perspective. Just remember that you are amazing just the way you are and have something to offer no matter how big or small your reach is. None of this social media hustle determines how talented you are, it’s as fickle as confused seas. So keep fighting!

Yellow Tree in the Snow | November 2023

Just like that the season has changed. On Halloween night, big fluffy flakes appeared on our door step. Frosting the fallen orange leaves with a marshmallow wrapping of snow. It was magical, snow globe-esque.

As morning dawned the fall livelry was swapped for a dazzling white coating my little world in snowflake robes. It was crunchy beneath my shoe, squeaky even.

From the gloomy shades of autumn and their spooky splendor to the bright, starkness of winter in one night. A remnant of autumn hangings on in the trees beyond my street. The lovely yellow leaves I saw through my window. A bright, hopeful contrast from the pine, the branch, and the white. This was my inspiration.

Do you enjoy snow?

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