Hell’s Hollow
Winter Light
A jolt of life. A bright, warm, hope!
Vast blue sky, a wash of cerulean lifts above my head.
All worries, fade. Care melts from my shoulders.
A hope for tomorrow! Truth breaks through the lies.
Darkness lasts for a moment but life springs forth
to sunshine’s embrace. A welcome friend.
You comfort my soul and invigorate my mind!
Welcome home, welcome back, bright, blue sky.
Dark Winter
Rosy, golden haze breaks through the greige. Dark, lifeless sky.
I miss the sun on my pale, blue eyes.
The sun on my face? A vampire’s disgrace!
Winter is finally getting to me.
The wind has whipped, into the ether
and clouds slip, like a blip, and slide away into gray nothing monotone before I can comprehend.
I dream of snow. I dream of the sun. The crunch of cool.
November rain, December shadows, January freeze, this nightmare will not end.
Skipping Stitches
Skipping stitches, a court of witches has taken my needle by storm.
Stretch knit slips. Stretch knit slips!?
Another scarred and tattered hem.
Gremlins in the machine? I think I’m going to steam!
From my face, the anger boiling in my heart…
Was this project doomed from the start?
Haiku & Breakfast Valentines
When my husband and I first met, I claimed I hated Valentine’s Day and to be honest, I think it was more annoyance at the emptiness of this day. Valentine’s Day as a commercial commodity sucks. The heart-shaped everything, the push to have the perfect romantic moment, the jewelry ads, the lace, and beyond, it’s a lot. It seems fake.
As a teenager and into college, I was hoping for that perfect K-drama boyfriend to sweep me off my feet. A Mr. Darcy moment with all the intensity of a look or a hand flex. I liked being single until this day, like everyone else, and let societal traditions determine my worth on this day. Which honestly was quite dumb because I had better examples than this.
Card on My Plate
As a kid, living with my grandparents, I knew every Valentine’s Day morning Papa would wake up before us all and put cards on each of our breakfast plates – one for Grandma, one for my Mom, and one for me. This was important for me to see, I realize now, with my Dad out of the picture, it was wonderful to see how pure this expression of love was. He wanted all of us to feel loved and appreciated, and no one left out. Because his actions were driven by affection, each one of us was special to him in different ways, and by including all of us it made the day about love, in the fullest sense.
The tradition continued even after we moved out on our own, and eventually, as our extended family grew to become a whole family tradition where Grandma and Papa put together little gift bags for every person – all 18 of us! These little heartfoil bags had homemade cookies, homemade fudge, chocolate-covered pretzels, etc. It was adorable, even as a moody teenager, this little goody bag brought me a smile. It reminded me that even though I felt like a weirdo on Feb 14 for not having a boyfriend, as soon as I stepped foot in their house, it didn’t matter. That wasn’t the point of this day. I was loved, just as I was, and was special.
Handmade Cards & Poetry
Elizabeth was wrong and Darcy was right, poetry is the food love. Especially if its origins are authentic and well-founded. Like my new tradition with my husband, a handmade card, and a bit of poetry. Now, I requested a handmade card when he asked me last year what I wanted for Valentine’s Day because he is an excellent handmade card maker. He has an intricate eye for stamping and paper crafting. What I didn’t expect but was pleasantly surprised by was his poem.
My husband doesn’t like to write poetry, I do. He has claimed he doesn’t understand it but he does, because he has a wonderful appreciation for song lyrics which to be honest are just another form of poetry.
Darcy: “I have been used to consider poetry as the food of love,”
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Elizabeth: “Of a fine, stout, healthy love it may. Everything nourishes what is strong already. But if it be only a slight, thin sort of inclination, I am convinced that one good sonnet will starve it entirely away.”
So when he surprised me last year with an original poem in my card, it gave me butterflies because it was a brilliant series of verses, tailored to our inside jokes. Of course, I asked for a sequel this year! And did he deliver! For my birthday, he dipped his toes in with an original haiku inspired by a tradition to close episodes of a certain show we adore – James May: Our Man in Japan.
The haiku was incredible in my opinion, it perfectly captured the essence of a moment which I believe is what haiku is about. I’m not talented with haikus, the syllable work has never meshed with my creative process, but my husband’s eye for detail shined in this form. Inside this year’s handmade gem of a card were four haikus! He truly outdid himself and in such a heartwarming way this new tradition reminds me of those delightful little valentines we used to exchange in elementary school.
Be a Valentine of Four Loves
According to C.S. Lewis in his book The Four Loves, there are four distinct types of love to express – Storge, Philia, Eros, and Agape.
- Storge is an empathy bond that originates from affection. The natural love, like between a parent and child.
- Philia is the friend bond, it is a strong bond built on shared interests. This is the type of love expressed in friendship and between siblings.
- Eros is romantic love, the sense of being in love compared to just being about sexual attraction and desire.
- Agape is the expression of unconditional “God” love, also known as charity. It is a love that is steadfast and exists regardless of changing circumstances. It is selfless love.
When I first studied these in college, these four terms were not what I quite expected but they changed the way I see relationships, maturely and more healthily. Actually, learning about Philia helped me realize a crush I was stuck on wasn’t my love, he wasn’t even my friend, he was nothing. But a certain new guy, a new friend (my future husband) I already had philia with after a few months and eros was brewing.
What is my point in sharing this? Well, this day about love is quite narrow-minded in our culture, and my whole life I think the wiser people in my life have been trying to show me this. Now in my romantic relationship, I’m getting the opportunity to express many versions of the four loves. Ironic isn’t it?
This day of love should be more than just a day focused on eros, it has the foundation to build upon to be a day about extending agape love to others. What if this day was not about commercialism but supplying needs, filling the void of loneliness with random acts of kindness, and to the best of our ability expressing unconditional love to our friends and family? This could become a new favorite holiday for many of us!
#46 – Sewing Studio
One afternoon day, I hit a wall and found a solution in my workout room. You see I’d been sewing in the living room, not because I wasn’t provided the opportunity to have a sewing room, I think I was just being stubborn. Throughout 2023 though, I began to outgrow the living room setup, galavanting from the coffee and dining room tables. My projects were scattered across the first floor of our home. It was chaos. Fabric scraps, yarn fluffs, knitting needles, pins, computer, charger, sewing machine, sewing pedal, notebooks, paintbrushes, etc.
I hit a wall when I felt frustrated for the 1000th time that my sewing machine was bouncing against the circular antique table instead of being balanced on a proper sewing table. I then switched to cutting out a pattern on the coffee table, littered with life and projects, in this ineffective space I cut the wrong piece. In frustration, I realized this was a product of my own decision-making. It was time to level up and clean the workout room for a proper studio.
I think I had been thinking about this longer than I realized, because, after Christmas, I hung up my new bunny calendar and K-pop posters in the workout room, like a future studio. Even though I wasn’t planning the conversion to a studio, it all worked out seamlessly. I moved some things around, decluttered others, and brought the white folding table up from the coat closet. I brought my machine and sewing notions up, including my sewing treasure chest Kyle made me last year. With art supplies, notebooks, and my computer in toe, there was a magic that happened. It was perfect!
The only money I spent on the conversion were new curtains to keep the space warmer, than the repurposed sheets I had sewn into curtains. It’s the breathing room I need to create and the space from this work I need. Knowing I can step away from a project for the night, without having to clean up the items for dinner, is life-changing. I’m sleeping better.
I think since getting married and working from home, I missed that private space, like having my own room again. I can shut the door and escape into my own little world. That was one of my favorite things about life as a single person. It’s good to keep those things, after life changes. I love my life, but I like who I am more with this studio. I am a lot more patient.
My favorite part of this workspace is the natural lighting. It’s so bright and airy, that it lifts my spirits every time I walk into the space.
Getting to Know the Women of Proverbs
To start 2024, I’ve been getting to know Lady Wisdom, the main character of the book of Proverbs. It’s an interesting dichotomy from what people usually think of the Bible. There are a lot of male main characters and perspectives, and as a woman, do I wish there were more stories I could relate to? Yeah. This study of the book of Proverbs took me down an existential rabbit hole that I have been mulling over sharing. What God revealed to me was an extraordinary takeaway that helped me fall deeper in love with the truth revealed in these pages.
I’ve read Proverbs once all the way through. I’ve made attempts before and got bored or distracted. What’s funny about this book of the Bible is that it is one of those books that as a passing verse or shared takeaway this book grabs my attention. It is probably one of the most easily quoted books, besides the Psalms, for those nuggets of wisdom. It is wisdom literature and poetry so it makes sense why it is so sharable, connectable, and poignant for a casual reader to get drawn in.
As a 21st-century female reader, sometimes it is a bit tough to get as engaged as I read through the book itself. The structure at first glance seems weird. First of all, King Solomon was incredibly wise and yet also incredibly irksome to consider as a king. He had a thousand wives, and endless riches, and gave in to outside influences that led to corruption. Like King David, who wrote most of the Psalms, Solomon was not perfect. He was a human. Even the best humans to ever have lived had their failings. As Isaiah 64:6 says, “We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.”
It is not King Solomon who was wise on his own accord, his decision-making on his own was pretty meh for lack of a better word. King Solomon’s wisdom came from God and all the wisdom he shared in Proverbs was God-breathed so even though it is difficult for my modern brain to separate Solomon’s failings from his work, as we are so apt to do in this social media age, it’s important to acknowledge that the purpose here came from God who is perfect using an imperfect vessel to deliver the words to page because that’s how God works. He redeems His creation.
The next hiccup that trips me up when I read through Proverbs 1-10 specifically are these metaphors! There is a ping pong of contrasting images. Lady Wisdom and the adulterous woman. Again because of being a 21st-century girl this both inspires and gets me all wound up in frustration. Which puts me in a quandary, how can I be annoyed when I believe that all scripture is without error. I was pondering this one night as I was doing my devotions and I was struck by a deep thought.
Who was studying this book when it was written, i.e. who was its original audience? It was written for the education of Jewish readers, due to societal norms at the time this would be men. Particularly in the case of temple schools. I realized God was clever. What is one of the most powerful, attention-grabbing tools? I’ll give you a hint, HBO loves to use it. Sex.
The adulterous woman imagery and the comparison of the adulterous woman representing folly is not an indictment on female character, it’s a strong, attention-grabbing image that is easily understood by the men being educated by the text. Literally, as I’m writing this, Seven by Jungkook just started playing, which is a catchy tune but you can’t dismiss that the lyrics and imagery aren’t one of the reasons it became so popular in 2023. That is ironic and weird timing, but anyway, I realized how deeply God understands how our human brains work. I was humbled by this and weird as that might be, this book of Proverbs was written with literary excellence and conciseness to get the point across without mincing words.
In comparison to the imagery of the noble Lady Wisdom, the adulterous woman is a stark contrast. With the characterization of Lady Wisdom, I realized another thing about how our human minds work – we love to look up to our moms and grandmas. The noble Lady Wisdom is that wise woman in our life directing us to be better by example. It’s an image that these scholars would find easy to remember. It’s a genius structure that I plan to dive deeper into by sharing my notes from my 2024 read-through of Proverbs.
I know this one went down a rabbit hole, but I’m learning that speaking with truth is not against what being a believer is about. Frankness is not wrong and logically exploring what trips me up as I read the Bible is also not wrong because it is an exercise in getting to know someone, in this case getting to Yahweh. Until next time ❤
Making a Pocket for My New Phone
When I purchase fabric, I aim to use as much of it as I can. Whether this means altering the project to incorporate as many large scraps as possible, saving some scraps for future mending projects, or creating a secondary garment from the scraps – I’m in! My recent corduroy trouser project left behind a particular set of scraps, a set of pockets that I chose to leave out of the finished trousers. These made the perfect scraps to make an unexpected project for the new year!
Upgrading My Tech
Around Christmas, I saw an interesting sale – a discount on a phone with an impressive camera and quite attractive collaboration. Since leaving my family’s Verizon’s new every two for my own plan I’ve kept it cheap. I’ve had some bad spills with my phone like shattering my phone camera’s lens on I’m assuming my keys as it bounced around my bag. I also lost my most expensive phone, the LG Voyager back in 2009 by losing it in the ocean. I had it for a month when it dropped out of my pocket one fateful evening and made its way out to sea. The last thing I saw was the screen light go out as it was swallowed up by the incoming tide. So going above the USD 99-149 price range I was a bit nervous about myself and my propensity for mayhem.
This is the Galaxy S23 with the SL/BS JYP Entertainment Skzoo Collaboration case. I got it 50% off from Google Fi and bought the matching SKZOO Leebit Suitcard to theme the inside of my phone to match the case. It is also lilac, a shade of my favorite color purple. It was a delayed 30th Birthday present, to be honest, and a step forward to improve my photo-taking ability for my designs. The camera is absolutely crisp and sharp compared to my Moto Power which I thought was pretty nice for the $149 price tag. Was I swayed by the color, and Changbin’s song for this phone, yes, but it has shocked me how much the camera and integrated photo editing, like the magic eraser feature, have helped me capture better photos of my work on a budget. Safe to say I’ve been babying this phone – I do not want to ruin this one! 😉
A Pocket For My Phone
Because this is a newish phone, there was the upgrade of my wired headphones no longer being compatible – there is no audio jack. This means an adapter, which I wanted to keep organized while out and about with my earbuds and phone. Creating this little pocket made perfect sense!
To create the pocket, because of the corduroy fabric’s structure, I didn’t include a lining. I began with my two pocket pieces and cut one of them into a square and a semicircle. With three pieces, I matched the semicircle together and pinned and sewed the square onto the intact pocket piece, on three sides. This left an opening for the pocket. Next, I sewed the semicircles together. Lastly, I inserted a zipper to securely close the pocket. I love the finished product!
It’s a cute little pocket that is easy to place in my purse and in my pockets, it gives that extra layer of protection across the camera lenses and screen while keeping those loose little accessories in one place. This project has alleviated a lot of fear I had of breaking my phone in my purse again. As a result, I actually pull my phone out less unless I have a specific purpose for reaching for my phone like answering a text, a call, taking a photo, or listening to music. It’s subtly helping me be more present and in the moment which I greatly appreciate. 🙂
I also love the antique vibe of this pocket. It reminds me of pockets that used to be tied onto skirts in historical fashion. I guess this is the next version of the same concept, and it looks like a pattern from the 1800s, 1700s, etc. Always save your big scraps, they come in handy! If I had purchased a pouch for my phone, I’m sure it would have been fine but it’s an added expense that I want to cut out in 2024. It’s fun using the items at hand to make useful things and cut down on my spending while making use of the entire cut of fabric. Would you make a pocket like this?
#45 – Allergy and Winter Winds
I miss humidity, like I really, really do. My skin does. It struggles during this mid-winter stretch. I’m itchy, a desert instead of a moisture barrier, and all my skincare products seem to jump ship at this time of the year. I know I’m not the only one either, there are dozens of us!
Now back in January, we got our deep freeze and oh buddy, it was intense. Like two weeks of pure polar vortex, kind of out of nowhere, yet I always know this will happen. Yet I put off getting ready for it. And I certainly forget to moisturize! Until, POW I wake up to 0 degrees Fahrenheit with a real feel of -9, -18, and simply frigid dry air. My skin freaks out! My tried and true skincare starts to waver, and slowly my toner stops doing its job. Soon, my moisture barrier is a distant memory and my face is red and I’m thinking how did this happen?
This year’s gambit of skincare 2024 had a one-two punch of an allergic reaction to ibuprofen and Maybelline foundation. And boy, oh boy did it catch me by surprise. Big red blisters on my face! It was the strangest experience I’ve had. I didn’t feel like anything was wrong until I looked into the mirror one January night before bed and saw five blisters on my face, adorning my chin and nose. It gave me quite the jump scare!
I’ve had hives, I’ve accidentally layered the wrong skincare serums and given myself a chemical burn (that was last year), but I had never experienced blisters, and truly freaked me out. The blisters had only gotten worse because the Maybelline foundation I wore that day had been burning. I thought it was because my skin was parched and irritated until a quick Reddit search on Maybelline foundation shed light on a reaction that some people have to it.
The goofiest part of this whole experience is that it is always days before my birthday, like a weird tradition I’d like to leave behind but life continues to bring it to the party. Well, could be worse.
I’m thankful all reactions were minor, faded in a few days, and were relegated just to my face. I’m incredibly grateful to have never experienced a dangerous situation due to an allergic reaction. Does this happen to you though, after a situation like that where you feel like you can’t trust your tried and true products or medicine? For a few weeks after I feel like I am still on edge, waiting for it not to be the end. This morning I found razor bumps on my leg, and I was sure something else was making me sick! I feel so silly and yet I let myself wander down the road of what ifs.
If I could make one solid change this year, I’d like to leave my disposition to worry behind this year and move forward in emotional maturity, because I really don’t like how I let myself exist in worry when things are fine. I don’t want to be the kind of person who can’t be happy or ignores the good things right in front of me because the experience with those blisters scared me a bit.
Do you have a penchant for worrying? Are you level-headed and chill? If you are I’d love to be more like you! I hope wherever you are you know that you are safe and know that you are loved. Thanks, dear reader for giving me your time today. ❤
One Rabbit Riot 