Socks: An Update

Several months ago, I started a new side quest in knitting – making socks. It’s a windy and treacherous climb, fraught with new equipment and an entirely new approach from a garment like a sweater. At the beginning it’s like casting on a mitten or a small hat, yet as time goes on you realize you are somewhere between a knitter and a sculptor, looking for the heel shape in your amphorous block of yarn. It is the most challenging garment I’ve made, culminating in going over the waterfall, at least that’s what turning the heel felt like at times.

What makes this ubiquitous garment so hard to learn? It’s a project of multi-tasking, like dribbling a basketball and moving at the same time. You are not only knitting a pattern – a sock, but you are also learning it on a new court – double pointed needles or with a magic loop configuration on circular knitting needles. There is also the third option, the one I leaned on when I was baffled by hitting gauge on my project and fed up with ripping out my progress over and over, knit flat tube socks that are sewn together to form the tubular shape.

My first two completed sets of socks were made this way, with straight needles to help me process all I was learning from these new techniques. It was the confidence boost I needed to keep going and finish the sock. I get overwhelmed in new projects when nothing is familiar but taking one part, flat knitting, and keeping that as the control part of the experiment let me knit and see how it should look and feel when the socks are completed. To better understand what I was working towards on double pointed needles or circular needles. Flat knitting also gave me the chance to try something I’ve never done before as a knitter, I cast on two socks at a time on my needles. It was incredibly satisfying to finish each sock at the same time!

Attempt on DPNs
Finshed tube socks pair knit at the same time on one set of straight needles

With this new found confidence I carried on and cast back onto the straight needles, making a brown pair of socks from recycled acrylic that wash and wear well. These green socks above are a blend that is mostly wool with a hint of acrylic in the yarn and they are hand wash or steam only for me. I wash them gently with either shampoo or conditioner in the sink, carefully to prevent felting. For my next project I wanted to explore fiber content, so I cast on a sock with three strands – two fingering weight wool and one acrylic. I chose this composition to test wear and washability, to make these a sock I could worry less about washing yet would insulate my foot, this was during a month long stretch of cold weather, dipping into the negatives fahrenheit so my mind was on cold weather. I decided to make these chunky socks into a sock I would use to insulate my L.L.Bean duck boots which are waterproof but are canvas, not insulated at all. They are a boot I want to wear for cold weather and snow, but they make my feet cold even with two pairs of socks.

As I got to the heel portion, I knit these socks cuff down, I made a last second decision and transfered my project to my round needles, joining the row into a round a stitches. With my heel turning reference book in hand I began turning that heel! It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be! I don’t think I executed it perfectly, but I conquered a fear. Now, the tough part of the process is that my handwork for circular knitting is subpar. I hold my stitches too tight and the tension hurts my fingers the longer I knit on a project. The only way to improve this is to keep practicing, yet I don’t want to practice. The second sock is cast on but I have yet to make progress on project because I am dreading the circular process and those tight stitches that come from inexperience.

Is this sock the best fitting sock I’ve ever made? Yes! Is it better than store bought ones? A 1000% yes, and I’m a novice so they are going to get better with practice. It’s an art form we wear everyday without thought, but it is truly a sculpture of yarn. Next time you put on a sock, have a moment of appreciation for the geometry, the symmetry, and the sculpture adorning your foot.

A Shy Girl Goes To The DMV

I’d say this photo, featured above accurately represents how I feel in situations like going to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) to renew my driver’s license. It’s a blur of moments, faces, government jargon, and touch screens. The big stack of papers signed and passed along in the process of closing on a house is more etched in my brain than the 20 minutes at my local DMV location. There is something about the dull, harsh lighting and bland walls covered in bulletins, electronic screens, and directions. It’s overstimulating and yet underwhelming. It is not a place I feel comfortable in.

This feeling began many years ago during the driver’s permit test process, in a different DMV, equally dull and filled with too many signs and screens. There was always one piece of information I was missing. A document my mom and I forgot, or a process out of order. The test was deceptively easy to study and terrifyingly tricky when taken, and I almost missed too many answers due to the sheer amount of distraction of the dull yet harsh environment.

This time, was one of those such times. Renewing in 2017 was easy, it was a new DMV with friendly people. Renewing in 2021 was an absolute breeze because there was no need to go in for the photo, just click and pay at home. It spoiled me. Renewing this time in 2025 was one of those DMV experiences fraught with tricky trip-ups.

Not surprising for me, it’s been a place I have been thwarted for years, from nervously failing the parallel park portion because I was afraid of my test proctor and his gruff demeanor or forgetting to keep my permit up-to-date and having to renew to test to wait four months for another testing time. The government process is nothing if not inefficient and a war of attrition.

The gauntlet was thrown down. Waiting for Christmas and New Year to pass, I renewed my license online and got stuck in a loop of changing my address. I then could not reach the process to renew anymore, because it was updating my address. So I mailed my renewal and waited. I then received two separate address updates for the license set to expire, but no update on my renewal.

Two weeks passed and I began to anxiously check the internet for a timeline – usually within 15 business days. Oh no, business days…I sent it in the mail on Jan 2, how many days would spend in the USPS system? Then a former president passed, delaying mail service. Was renewing it a month in advance not enough?! We then checked online, showing it had been renewed. Phew! But, when? I received another piece of mail, updating my voter registration automatically, but no temporary license or camera card.

Each day as the mail came, I ran to check it like Ralphie waiting for his Little Orphan Annie secret decoder pen. I began to worry, was my license going to expire waiting for it to show? Was it all going to unravel because of the sluggish pace of the government institution? How was I going to follow behind in my car when my husband’s car went for inspection in February? Was it back to walking for me?

Then one beautiful day I heard the mailbox close with a slam (it’s a very old cast iron mailbox), I scurried from my work room and descended the stairs with the promise of the future in my eyes. My delight was palpable as my hand pulled a DMV envelope from the mailbox. The envelope tore with ease, revealing the temporary license and camera card in my hands. All was saved!

On the next good weather weekend (it’s been a winter of snow squalls) we made our way to the DMV for the last battle left, the camera portion. Now as a shy person, this is the part that still makes me want to recoil. I never liked picture day at school. When a camera is pointed at me I can’t smile normally. I feel like a spotlight bears down upon me, filling me with dread. My smile looks unnatural, sometimes like a grimace if I smile with teeth. If I smile with a closed mouth like I did throughout my braces era, it looks uncomfortable, my shyness written across my face.

Filled with shyness, I sallied forth, pulling my ticket in preparation for a long wait. To my surprise, my number was called immediately and I had to go to a completely separate area, by myself. Something I dread in unfamiliar places. So in a flurry of adrenaline, I went into the photo room and unbeknownst to me went to the wrong side of the table to sit down. The DMV lady shouted at me, my face immediately turning red. Embarrassed and ashamed at my accident, my apologies flowed forth. She continued to scold me in front of the other citizens there to get their photo. It was incredibly awkward.

She was sweet to the other people and continued to speak to me with contempt, even though I continued to apologize for my mistake. I was flustered. Ripping my paperwork and not knowing where to go. Soon the others in front of me were served. It was my time to smile but to be honest, I was so embarrassed and concerned they were going to remove me as a security threat, I knew that wasn’t going to be possible.

Then the weirdest thing happened the lady switched from harsh to calm, saying she needed to yell at me for the camera on the ceiling or she would face consequences. (What? That’s bizarre.) It was tough to trust the nice demeanor, was she going to snap at me again if I made another mistake?

At that point, I was introvert drained from the drama, and wanted to hide. My posture could not hide my internal feelings as I sat down in front of the camera. Flash, the first picture snapped displaying a red-faced blank expression. She offered me a retake and snap, and a turtle-necked miserable-looking photo appeared on screen. I believe she offered me another retake but my mind was far away.

I continued to make mistakes, including selecting Arabic on my screen to fill out a few more things for completion. As she handed me my card, she apologized finally for scaring me, which I appreciated and I wished her a good day. I looked at my ID card and was horrified, the person doesn’t even look like me. The bottom half of the image is stretched out, compared to my photo from 2017 it looks like I aged and let myself go from how distorted the image is from what I saw on the screen.

It was the cherry bomb on top of the 2025 battle: DMV vs. Shy Girl.

I’ve tried to remind myself that what is important is that I did it, I didn’t cry when shouted at, and I didn’t give into my anxiety and bail. I did it and persevered, the bad picture happened but it doesn’t reflect what I actually look like and no one is really going to see it. But dang, what an awful experience! I think why the new picture feels like such a jump scare is it is all my fears wrapped up into one – aging and looking ugly and fat. My culture is obsessed with thinness and beauty. Plastic surgery is becoming normalized and it is sickening how vain we all are becoming. I forgot to do my hair, I didn’t wear foundation just a little eyeliner, and I forgot to gua sha.

The picture was just me and things out of my control like getting scolded, bad lighting, and a stretched image created something without beauty, because beauty is not the goal for the DMV, it is clinical and for the process of identification. It is a stark contrast to the world of filters, good lighting, and curated perfection fed to us in this current age. Seeing that ugly image, rocked my confidence because even though I find my worth in Christ, I still live in this fallen world that equates beauty and youth with virtue and worth. So what happens when life happens and time passes? We become older, we gain weight and no longer look like the size 2 self from our teen years?

Is everything past that point worthless? I realized, as I looked at the image of my expired license and the new one that having the same picture for two renewals, warped my view of how I am aging. The younger version also was far more curated as a coping mechanism. I used to be a stickler for straightening my hair, wearing makeup, jewelry, and food restriction to be in the beauty standard to blend in, like an outer shell. Protective, candy-coated.

But the younger version of myself would have been unable to cope with a stranger yelling at me without crying and shutting down. Any picture of myself I saw as ugly, I had no confidence even at my skinniest. All the things that have happened since 2017 – loss of loved ones, getting shunned by family members, reconnecting with my dad and his family only to get hurt again, losing my place to live, having nowhere to live, and crashing in people’s guest rooms for a few weeks, moving to Georgia and back, subsequent moves out of sketchy landlord situations, my first job, my first layoff in a global pandemic, etc.

It’s been a lot and through that process, I grew character and began to unmask. So what if I don’t look the same as I did in 2017? I thought I looked ugly and fat in my 2017 ID photo and was ashamed. It’s just a photo on a driver’s license card. I like the person God has shaped me to be more now in 2024, than the person who was lost and far from God in 2017. Cheers to growth!

Checker Board Pants: Making Pants From Your Favorite Jeans

In 2024, I was inspired to start making pants. I had attempted making pants before and they were successful but I struggled to make them feel like more than just a pair of lounge pants. Part of this was caused by not choosing a good bottom-weight fabric, and instead opting for a lightweight summer cotton that draped beautifully but didn’t give me that tailored look. I also tried an ill-fated scuba fabric in 2023 that crashed and burned because my thread tension was off. Enter this checkerboard denim print I purchased at Hobby Lobby. It was denim but lighter, not too heavy to be a problem for my sewing machine. But how would I find the right pattern?

I had a pants pattern in my stash for menswear trousers, that I considered using on this project. It’s a solid pattern and would make a straight-fit pair of jeans, maybe not the style I was going for though. I considered buying a new pattern, but then I fretted that the pattern would fit me weirdly or might not fit at all. The current style in 2024 still featured that tapered-in waist on pants that favor an hourglass figure, not my rectangle athletic build, so should I risk it? A big reason I chose to make pants in the first place was that I was sick of shopping and trying on pants that made me feel weird about my body. The men’s section was my go-to for their up-and-down pattern cutting, compared to the extreme tapering and high waist silhouette of women’s pants. Even low rise was stuck in mid-rise inseam, not the true low waist inseam I was accustomed to in the 2000s and early 2010s that helped me find good-fitting jeans because they favored my shape not the post-bbl world of fashion. I digress, my point is that buying a pattern someone else drafted felt like a risk because the fit is such a personalized thing.

My solution was to take a pair of pants in my wardrobe that I liked the fit of and to trace that pair of pants to gauge the shape. I did this with a pair of jeans that were high waist but had a nice loose fit through the hip and leg for the K-pop-inspired baggy jeans style I was interested in making with this 1990s Vans checker board print. This worked swimmingly! So much so that I traced the jeans onto a piece of brown craft paper for a quick pattern to reach for on future projects.

I chose to record this project, start to finish in video from instead of video to have a memory of how I did this to learn for myself and remember what I did but to also inspire others to try this. Pants are intimidating, especially from a paper or PDF pattern. The written instructions and diagrams have puzzled me in past projects but truly, pants are simple once you see how its done. I wanted to help others feel that freedom to create because at least in my American fashion market, fast fashion has destroyed the craftsmanship of pants and standardized sizing. I referenced this in a previous post, Shaping Up where I had to confront the dressing room terror of things not fitting and seeking to not be defined by my jeans size, when trends and pattern cutting shape shift sizes, but to take control of it on my end and get healthier in 2023.

This pants project was one of the most challenging and rewarding projects of 2024. I faced my fear of sewing denim, inserting pockets, and fastenings. I chose to not attempt a fly into I had more pants sewing experience, instead I planned to make what I knew I could achieve under my skill set. I opted for a side closer with a drawstring to have an adjustable fit since the denim had zero stretch. The denim containing no stretch was a feature I sought because I believed it would be easier to work with as it was my first project of this kind, and I wanted a crisp tailoring from the woven fabric. A key thing to note is that the jeans I used for my template also are non-stretch denim. For an accurate this is paramount or else the project will not work. Either you will cut your project too large or too small. It is also essential to leave a seam allowance on your pattern pieces. When self-drafting it is your responsibility to take charge of the seam allowances and plan ahead.

I messed this up with the crotch line and had to make a quick fix. My fix was a diamond gusset. Popular in women’s leggings, this diamond gusset shape piece allows for greater mobility while maintaining the strength of the seams.

The second challenge I faced was the problem of a narrow bolt and an all-over pattern. This fabric was quite narrow and because I was cautious with my seam allowance, I cut my pieces large. This meant that I was not cutting from the longest side, but the most wide. The pattern pieces were cut out missing length on the leg. My solution was to add on to the bottom and pattern match. It’s easier to match than people say, it just takes patience and intentional sewing. I’m pleased with how seamlessly I got my pieces to match up.

The pockets were a challenge. How do you place them? How do you insert them with strength so the pockets can be used without pulling the pants down or ripping? I chose to place them angled on the sides, aligned with my hips so that they would be practical and not create weird bunching at the front of the pants. No wonky crotch fit here!

Would you make your own pants? I hope I inspired you to get creative and go for it if you are sewing-inclined. Thanks, reader, for joining me once again on this quest to grow my fashion design skills. Have a wonderful day!

2025 Intentions

Have you ever watched one of the Top Gear UK challenges, from the good old days of Clarkson, May, and Hammond?

The amphibious cars, DIY caravans, lorry drivers, hot-hatchbacks, cheap Porsches, etc. There is one thing in common. There is a scoreboard, the points make no sense, it’s all a big laugh, and on that terrible disappointment, it’s time to end.

This is what I equate growing an Instagram was like in 2024.

I did the things. I’ve made many pieces of content across stories, reels, and posts. I’ve sewn and knit a varied amount of things. I’ve done silly trends, serious reviews, inspirational posts, filmed tutorials, recorded thoughtful voice overs, and participated in the “add yours” cards on stories.

I turned on metrics. I carefully analyzed posting times, consistently shared things to keep engagement up, took breaks to avoid spamming, carefully thought of 3-second hooks, transcribed subtitles, filmed artistic shots, and agonized over lighting. I networked, supported other creators, and tried to make genuine connections. Got burned a few times by people who only interacted with me for the follow and stopped talking to me and following me after months of supporting them. It’s tricky making friends on that platform. Connections are either amazing, lovely people, or not at all. I met several lovely people too, it wasn’t all bad.

I ended the year with higher engagement, more friends, and negative or neutral growth depending on the refresh. The metrics contradict themselves constantly. I’ve lost as many followers as I’ve gained. I’ve learned I had ghost followers who were keeping my engagement low. I also had accounts following me that left the platform through Meta’s deactivation due to idleness. It’s one of the worst algorithms, showing your followers your posts days after you share them. Zuckerberg, do better.

I ended 2024 feeling like I was on a Top Gear challenge. Meta added and subtracted points to my metrics total willy nilly, like Richard Hammond getting minus “exactly the points he had” so that he ends with naught. It was nonsensical and mind-boggling. This platform provides no satisfaction in what you accomplish.  I got one point here, minus a thousand there, 20 points for this task – yada, yada, yada.

So 2025, what am I doing with my time? What am I working towards? I am going to write more and move on from growing an Instagram account to open a shop. Not interested anymore. It’s not happening and I think it’s a blessing. Fiber art creation is going back to being a hobby. I’m not going to be a fashion designer, or a pattern designer, or a sewing educator, or a part of fixing fashion. I am going to make things I like and have fun, and share what I want where I choose for the fun of it. I have a backlog of projects that I haven’t shared here because of the distraction of Instagram. I am looking forward to writing more, new things, and celebrating the victory of finishing the Udal Cuain manuscript. Available to peruse here. I’m going to do art, I’m going to garden, to bake, learn things, and work hard. I’m excited about it. The key intention is to focus on fulfillment over productivity, and when my to-do list is crossed off to feel fulfilled, not productive.

What are your plans or goals for 2025?

#68 – Snow, Stardew, Fires, and Mia

I forgot it is bloganuary—whoops! I am in peak hibernation mode. It’s been holding a steady cold here in my hometown, snowing almost every day. It’s like Winter in Stardew Valley, a wash in frozen foliage and dazzling flakes.

Kyle and I have been farming, mining, and fishing in Pelicantown a lot in the new year. No game fills the slow, winter slumber like this one. I love its 28-game-day season structure, compared to Animal Crossing New Horizons. I was in summer to begin 2025, and quickly moved to fall and through winter last weekend. Now, as the large winter storm moved through the eastern United States, spring blooms in the valley, and with it I am reminded that this cold, snowy time will be here for a time and gone as quick as it came.

I wish I could say the same for the wildfires in Los Angeles. Each day I pray for containment, wisdom, and comfort for those who suffered loss beyond what I can comprehend. (Monetary support will be donated soon as well.) It’s shocking to see how quickly and destructive fire is. On the news, they said the Pacific Palisades fire alone has burned an area larger than Manhattan. It’s a scale that is hard to comprehend and it’s only one of four fires that have happened. It’s absolutely heartbreaking.

On a positive note, we have re-bonded with our rescue bunny, Mia at a slow and steady pace. It was rough for a few days not knowing what to do and if she would be happy here again. I am grateful for the encouragement of my parents to be patience and not give up. We did a lot of reading on Reddit. The rabbit subreddit was a lifesaver actually because the shelter was slow to respond to our questions about how to re-bond with Mia.

It’s like a relationship with a human, where trust is everything. Treats certainly help. Freezing in place when something startles her helps. Watching for crows, shutting curtains, and placing blankets or cushions outside of her pen as extra protection from the vacuum was a good idea too. Reddit helped me understand that every rabbit is different. Bunnies can be scared of the most random things, like video game noises instead of fireworks. The key thing is that it takes time for not just her to get used to us and the noises of our house, but we need time to get used to her and her noises. It’s been an enlightening experience in community and interpersonal relationships.

I hope wherever you are, you are safe. Until next time ❤

Beauty Advent Calendars and the Gift of Prayer

Advent calendars are becoming a strange phenomenon. When I was a kid, I knew Advent as the thing that happened on Sunday morning in more formal churches, like the ornate Presbyterian church in town, compared to the less formal Alliance church I went to, which had a gymnasium/sanctuary. A wreath would appear the Sunday, four weeks before Christmas, and a series of candles were lit in purple and pink, until Christmas Eve when the white candle was lit. There was scripture reading, as we looked forward to the coming of Jesus, by recalling the moments throughout the Bible pointing to his birth. It was a time of preparation and reflection on the deeper meaning of Christmas in the Christian context. I didn’t grow up with an advent wreath at home but I thought they were fascinating. I was more familiar with those small, wooden, or felt Christmas calendars that involved opening a door or moving a little trinket to a new pocket each day.

The term Advent calendar now has a different image in my mind. I can probably thank Alexandria Ryan’s Beauty Advent Calendar unboxings for this. I think of small samples, expired makeup, Augustinus Badder’s ‘The Rich Cream’, and Charlotte Tilbury. Now I should explain before this makes her channel sound posh and out of touch. I found her channel many years ago, I believe in 2017, as a makeup subscription box unboxing channel. Since then, it has evolved into a channel with ‘advent season’ that usually wraps up in spring or summer. She purchases beauty and snack advent calendars and opens them to see if they are worth the money by comparing the cost of the box with the total value of the items inside.

It’s a lot of math! For most calendars, it is a lot of samples and Ali-Express private-label junk being sold as exclusive items. It all started back in 2019 with the Sephora Holiday Advent Calendar, which was so poor quality, that she recreated the items from the Dollar Store. This led to an annual Sephora Advent Calendar tradition and grew to Advent calendar season each year. Including Halloween Advent calendars, which are now a thing for companies to sell. The word Advent is slowly changing in meaning from a particular Biblical preparation process to a countdown to Christmas Day to a catch-all seasonless countdown mystery box that can be 12 days(for the twelve days of Christmas)-24 days-25 days or even a 7-day after-advent calendar for the week after Christmas, to a free-form countdown signifying word which correlates to opening a box of mystery items from themed packaging. Instead of being opened daily, most of these are opened all at once and are treated as a good deal, a content generator, or a gift people give themselves or others. It’s far from the chocolate Advent calendars of childhood, it’s a whole cross-section of the consumer market now with Advent calendars that will hold anything and everything, for humans and pets alike.

Now, I’m not here to discuss this from a Biblical point of view, because Advent is not a tradition pulled directly from the Bible like communion, Passover, or baptism, it’s something the church began doing and traditions vary. The date of the celebration of Christmas varies between Orthodox and Catholic/Protestant calendars. Jesus was not born in December, it’s all cultural and has been adapted from European solstice and winter festivals, so it’s not a big deal to me. This is more of a fascination I have with humans and the way we imagine whole new things in such a short amount of time. Our culture of Advent calendars changed rapidly within 5 years! I don’t remember them being such a cultural fixation until a few years ago. Now every store and every company seems to have an Advent calendar that they are ready to sell you!

I believe this happened because we were looking for something to make sense of those weird holidays at the beginning of the decade, combined with late-stage capitalism and hyper-consumption, and boom – it’s a perfect storm for the boxes upon boxes of tiny things being offloaded into these boxes for a hefty price. It’s a way for companies to make a quick buck, offload products they need to sell but won’t move, or rip off customers by filling their calendars with useless junk – like the 2024 VIB Reward Advent Calendar from Sephora.

Even the word calendar is changing with this phenomenon, what is a calendar? Is it a way to track the time and year, by seeing a month at a time until twelve months have passed? Is it a box with doors that contain presents? How many doors equal a calendar? What separates this from a mystery box? Is it simply the doors, the numbers, and the packaging? Does it have to be tied to a holiday at all? Just like Advent in concept is changing so is the meaning of calendar and it’s interesting to me that as humans we do this and we do this so seamlessly? Language is such a curious medium. I can see through this process how words shift in meaning, dialects are formed, and why communicating with someone in the past or future speaking the same technical language as me would be quite difficult.

But what about Advent calendars without the products? Do they still exist and are they fun? I did an Advent calendar this year, the first time I’ve ever had my own. It was a 24-day Advent calendar, that I received in the mail from Prison Fellowship, and was a 24-day of prayer Advent calendar. It was completely free. I didn’t know I was being sent this item until it showed up in my mailbox a few days before Thanksgiving. There were no items to receive each day, just a scripture reading and a prayer. The prayer requests covered the varied needs of their ministry – those who are incarcerated, their families, the corrections officers, the children of those incarcerated, the ministry team of Prison Fellowship, people like me who donate, the communities and churches across the nation so that we can all work in synergy to be prepared and ready to serve God through our part in this mission.

What I appreciated the most about this calendar was how it felt interwoven, it covered needs at all levels. For example, over the 24 days, I prayed for those who were incarcerated who come to Prison Fellowship events and those who haven’t. I prayed for comfort in the isolation of being incarcerated, especially during the holidays when the incarceration process removes you from all connections, not to mention the pain caused by the action that led to incarceration. It is a time of pain for prisoners, their families, and friends. I prayed for the ministry of Angel Tree, the children of prisoners and families of prisoners, for comfort and reconciliation, and spiritual redemption. I prayed for churches and communities, as well as prisons and corrections officers to all work as one to facilitate the redemptive work of God in these communities inside and outside of prison.

It was truly powerful and did not feel like something that was made without prayer itself, because the scripture readings were so intricately tied to the prayers each day. A human could not have done that on their own. It was the first time I’ve prayed the prayers written for me without deviating. I usually try to say my own words and thoughts when given a prayer request, but I felt deep down that repeating the request inscribed behind the door was what was being called for most. It taught me that prayer is not about me nor my wish to put my stamp on it as a creative person. Prayer is more than just communion with God, it is about God and his purposes. His plan over my plan.

I don’t know why I specifically received this. I don’t know if everyone who has donated was sent one or just some people? I haven’t seen much reference to this calendar, but I am so grateful that I did receive it. It was an incredible experience and taught me that even if Advent calendars are being transformed into cash grabs and tools of overconsumption, they can still be a process that prepares us for the Christmas season and brings the focus to God and His work in our lives. It can also be a fun concept that brings holiday cheer, like Catvent, an Advent calendar for cats filled with cat toys. That was an Advent calendar my Instagram friend shared daily on her stories this year which I absolutely loved! It’s truly becoming a multi-layered concept and I’m intrigued, so much so that it is January and I am looking forward to catching up on the next Advent calendars to be unboxed by Alexandria in the new year.

I hope wherever you are you have a lovely day or evening or night. Thanks for spending time with me, dear reader. Until next time!

24 Month Japanese Update

To be a good student, one must show up to class. This was my downfall in 2024. To be fair moving and buying a house literally blew up all my goals, but so did my intention to grow my Instagram. With these distractions, Japanese was not my priority for three-quarters of 2024, and I’m ashamed to say 2024 was a wash for progress.

But there was one bright spot in the year, I found a new learning app for Japanese called renshuu. With renshuu, I was able to dive into learning Japanese syntax and begin learning how to think in Japanese. It helped me see phrases and sentence structure so when I was watching videos with Japanese subtitles or listening to Japanese spoken or sung, my mind was primed to notice the familiar building blocks.

Another feature I liked about renshuu was its user-friendliness. The renshuu app developers seemed to care about learning, ahem, compared to the green owl, my learning nemesis named Duo. renshuu has Kao which looks like a mochi-based character which is our language learning guide.

Like I believe I mentioned before, I spent the fall watching Haikyuu for language immersion and a little Nana. In addition, Stray Kids’ Giant album was a Japanese release so I have been listening to music in Japanese too. The songs ‘Falling Up’ and ‘Night’ I played on repeat after their release with the new season of anime, Tower of God. I’m hoping I learned more passively than I believe. It’s hard not to feel discouraged by my lack of focus. I like excelling at things, but I can’t excel if I don’t try. My focus for my language learning in 2025 is simply to do it, no more excuses.

Are you learning a language? How do you stay focused? I wish you well on your language-learning journey, be a better student than me! Until next time, thanks for hanging out with me today. You reader, keep me accountable to keep learning Japanese.

My Winter Soundtrack 2024

Strategy – Twice

Typewriter cadence of chewing sounds on romaine lettuce – Mia, the bunny

Jamboree! – game narrator, Mario Party Jamboree

Pages turning – Kyle reading Seed Catalogs

Falling Up – Stray Kids

The Valley Comes Alive – Stardew Valley

Whirring of a small motor – Kitchen Aid Mixer

Silence blanketing the air – A night of steady snowfall

Large Hop – Mia, leaping into her hay pan

Wowie! – Luigi, Mario Party Jamboree

Sprinkles shaken from their jar – Cookie-decorating

Hallucination – I.N.

The opening of a bag – Mia’s treats

Scissors gliding through paper – the act of wrapping presents

Night – Stray Kids

Well, there’s your problem! – Adam and Jaime, Mythbusters

Departures TV Show Opening Soundtrack

ABCD – Nayeon

Shock and disgust – My mom sprinkled cumin on her Swedish Tea Ring Pastry dough instead of cinnamon

A metal shovel scraping a concrete sidewalk – my neighbor shoveling early on Christmas Eve morning

Hairdresser Reacts – Brad Mondo

Paper rustling – Ricola Cough Drops

Glug Glug – Pouring my facial toner into my hand

A Plastic Lid opening – Fluffernutter Marshmallow fluff

Walkin’ on Water – Stray Kids

A smug Snowboy – Animal Crossing New Horizons

Oh No! – Toad, Mario Party Jamboree

Explosions – Mythbusters

Oh Fuuuudge! – Ralphie, A Christmas Story

Jimmy Carr’s laugh – Big Fat Quiz Show

Can It End With You and Them?

I think the most shocking thing for me from the aftermath of the ‘It Ends With Us’ film and subsequent press tour has not been Blake Lively’s seemingly out-of-touch behavior by promoting her brands alongside this movie nor the disturbing allegations detailed in the 80-page lawsuit filed by Lively against Baldoni and Wayfarer Studios, but it is that this movie and novel which at their core are about domestic violence continue to skate around the subject matter instead of using this project to help bring real change to our culture.

After looking at the PDF of the lawsuit, I question all motive behind any of the money Baldoni’s company donated to the charity No More, because the details in this lawsuit are too specific to be made out of thin air, in my opinion. There are cell phone screenshots and bizarre accounts from the set of behavior that is straight up inappropriate for any work place. So many that I’m not sure one person could manage that many levels of lies. If Blake Lively was able to pull this out of thin air, she needs to start writing books, because dang it is layered and disturbing.

George Constanza said it best when he explained how to con people, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.” That seems to be what the production held as their mantra because a movie about domestic violence with unsafe work environment screams delusion and narcissist behavior. Things that the internet is still giving Baldoni a pass on and heralding Lively as a crazy woman for reporting in her lawasuit. It’s very strange to me. How can we forget the ‘Me Too’ movement so rashly? What about Harvey Weinstein and Prince Andrew? The infamous Epstein list? Or the unfolding case of Diddy? Like Prohibition in the United States was installed to stem the tide of domestice violence, in my state of Pennsylvania, during the 2020 lockdown, alcohol sales were limited by the Governor to get ahead of the problem. On Live on Patrol, the Ramsey County sheriff department can attest to how the rate of domestic violence corresponds to the weather, with winter being the time they get the most reports of violence at home. It’s a well documented problem in America. So why would it not be possible on this film set at the hands of a handsome guy claiming he wants to help women? Just think about it. Do all bad people look like bad people?

There is a rampant evil that has pervaded every corner of our world, so I fully believe everything in that 80-page lawsuit could be proven true in court. Power is an influence that corrupts. Hollywood is powerful and has a long standing history of unsafe conditions going all the way back to the golden age, when doctors prescribed uppers and downers to keep stars working, making the studio money, instead of caring for the actor’s wellbeing. This happened to Judy Garland on the set of the Wizard of Oz when she was only 17. Now do I believe all film companies are bad and everyone is just there to use and abuse people to make millions? No, not at all. I think there are good people and bad people everywhere, in every industry.

I also think two things can be true at once. I think that Lively can be a victim worthy of our compassion and can also be a self-absorbed human that made questionable decisions, when she marketed her products during a movie that called for wisdom and tact. But I think we should all be given grace. Yes internet, give her a break. I also think we should held accountable for our actions in order to grow, and I don’t think Baldoni, Wayfarer Studios and the others named in the lawsuit have been held accountable by society. I think Lively has because Lively is rich, she pretty, she has played some mean girl roles and I think those roles stick in our minds more than we realize. If the actress who played Blair Waldorf, Leighton Meister, was in this movie I think society may have a different view because Blair was a more sympathetic character. The Weekend faced similar backlash to Lively, after his character in ‘The Idol’ because we as humans blur the lines between performance and real life. I find it weird that Baldoni is not facing the same backlash as The Weekend when they both portrayed abusive men, why is Baldoni special?

Simply, I believe because we don’t know these people and so our imaginations fill in the blanks. I think as humans we get jealous of successful, beautiful people and enjoy tearing them down. Baldoni has the novelty of being more unknown and can shape shift, if that’s what he is doing.

I’m trying to keep an open mind, and respect the fact that these are allegations but it is hard to not question all his motives when he separated himself from the group during the press tour and so eloquently spoke about ending domestic violence. It was an excellent opportunity to build a case against Lively and discredit her. I’ve personally experienced this from men and women in my life, they entrap you before you realize it and then scapegoat your reputation to cover their own bad behavior. It’s bizarre to me that the film production of this story, ‘It Ends With Us’ was filled with so many cross overs to the subject matter. In some ways it appears, in my opinion, that Wayfarer and Baldoni, have such a hero complex that they are unaware of the darkness in their actions and the hubris of hurting women on a set that was portraying the story of a woman who is abused.

It’s like how Colleen Hoover writes these books that have such dark and triggering subject matter, and some people still think its a romance novel, or in Hoover’s case, that trigger warnings aren’t needed for her books. It’s such a bizarre universe that makes me question what is the point of the art?

For Hoover, is it to educate and bring awareness to domestic violence? Is it to sell books because violence and violence against women sell? Hollywood would seem to prove this point with how violent and disrespectful they are two female characters with the stories that are greenlit. For Baldoni, why did he choose to adapt this film? Was it to tell a story to reach his fellow men to change their hearts or is he a dangerous narcissist that thrives on this kind of treatment of women? For Lively, why did she choose this project? Was it to inspire hope for women who are survivors and tell their story or was it for her personal brand, to boost her product sales? I don’t know.

I think in advertently this movie and the drama surrounding it, including the public opinions swirling around the internet, show that I don’t think we as a society are taking this seriously enough. Even myself, who although I experienced the trauma of having an abusive biological father, I was quick to fall for Baldoni’s interviews and found myself disgusted with Lively because of how little she seemed to care about a subject that was so important. I may have fallen for the lies, again. I don’t think this issue is a problem that can be tackled through movies or books to create real change. With every book and movie I question, where the does the line blur into glorification? And why, when so many people experience domestic violence and abuse, do we have to read it replayed in books or portrayed on screen? I think we are fully aware of the problem and are giving the evil acts too much room to live rent-free in our imaginations.

Domestic violence, narcissists, sociopaths, and abuse are woven well into the fabric of society so well that it is hard to unravel it completely. The cycles of trauma carry down through generations. It’s a ripple on a lake, fanning out farther and farther.

I hope that whatever comes out of this unfolding lawsuit, that the real evil is exposed and that it creates real conversations for change so that we keep our eyes and ears open to those in our midst that are suffering silently from dangerous people lurking in their homes, their families, and the workplace. I also hope that the actors involved, on both sides, the studio, and the author will think more about the victims of domestic violence and get involved. They have money, influence, and could do some good in our communities if they would think outside the bubbles they are in. I also hope as a society we begin to consider the kind of content we consume, so that tales of abuse can never again be marketed as a romance story, cause that’s sick and wrong, in my opinion.

Hot Air Balloon Knit Hat

Do you ever pick up a knit object and the fiber feels buttery soft? That’s exactly how this cerulean blue yarn feels to the touch. It is a bulky weight yarn blend of super wash Australian wool and acrylic fibers. It’s a yarn that I believe has been discontinued by Knit Picks but I hope they bring it back because no project has been a joy to knit up like this one. It glided across my needles! It’s one of the reasons I chose to knit this fiber into a hat that would be soft and warm on my head. It’s cozy. Another reason was because this skein of yarn was a destash from my mom, there was only one skein so I decided to make it the focus of one small project.

I’m not very good at using one solid color throughout my projects so I paired this was a Brava bulky in red also from Knit Picks to add visual interest to the hat. I think it looks like a hot air balloon from an illustrated book. An imagination filled tale, like how the heffalumps and woosels turn into hot air balloons during Winnie the Pooh’s trippy dream during the flood. I love how bright the contrast is between the delicate red lines and the vivid water-like blue. It has a bit of the Apres-ski vibe with the vivid color story of the late 80s and early 90s.

I made this knit hat on size 10 bamboo straight needles in two pieces that I seamed together. I made the decision to construct this hat using two pieces because I had not made a hat in over a year and felt a bit rusty. I also wanted control of the taper of the crown, without needing to also refamiliarize myself with circulars or double-pointed needles. I made this hat in August 2024 and I was coming off the big move into the storage unit for two weeks and then into the new house. To be honest, I was feeling a bit creatively stir crazy from the busy summer. I’ve learned a lot since I made this from my dabbling with sock knitting and could confidently make this now with a different construction, but as a quick beginner project or knitting warm up when you’re feeling rusty it’s an easy to make project. I believe I made this over one weekend, potentially one day? I can’t remember how focused I was.

You will need a tape measure or a knit hat that fits you the way you would like your hat to fit for reference. Cast on stitches according to your head size for one half of your head. Knit ribbed stitches for 3 inches and then switch to stockinette for the rest of the hat. Switch yarn at the end of rows and don’t decrease too quickly. I’ve made this mistake before. You will need the width across your crown to join at the top and you can decrease quickly at the end so be filled with care as you taper and don’t hesitate to frog and try again for the right fit. Adding a safety line where you plan to unravel your project to, is a huge life saver! Mirror your second side and stitch the two halves together with a tapestry needle. An easy knitting project that is useful and can help you practice skills like purling, ribbing, yarn over decreases, crown shaping, and yarn tension.

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