Category: kindness in the culture

Emotional Endurance, No Cap

What do you do when you need a break, but you can’t? I’ve been wrestling with this for months. It’s been a tricky thing to discuss on here, and without feeling ready to write without revealing too much, I have been spinning on it, to quote NMIXX.

Any time I feel overwhelmed, I take that space. But what if you can’t? Like what if the thing that is weighing on you is as interwoven in your life as a single thread in the warp and weft of your jeans? It’s a tricky one that I don’t think anyone has taught me; it’s just kinda hanging there. We struggle alone, because we are human.

Relationship University

I’ve been thinking alone, pondering my frustrations, my overwhelm, my weariness for a break because I am a neurodivergent, deep-feeling, overthinker. It does not come easy to me to pause, to force my mind to stop and breathe. It’s something I wish we had learned in school. Any of the schooling – elementary, high school, or college? How wonderful would it be to learn about emotional intelligence and algebra? Traumatic stress coping mechanisms and world history? What about grammar and proper communication tools to de-escalate a tense argument? Literally would be life-changing. Meditation with a side of physical education? We mostly played soccer(football) because it was cheap, and it was monotonous. Both Kyle and I would feel less we are drowning in the complications of personal struggles if we had an education in relationships.

We did the brief marriage counseling, sure, which I guess prepares you for marriage? I think getting through the first year is truly what teaches you the most. (We are a few months away from celebrating ten, so we do have some experience.) We also had the years of friendship experiences, some previous dating experiences, and the lifelong knowledge of being part of families – but they don’t prepare you for the stress that comes with multiple, personal struggles that you and your spouse sometimes have to tackle all at the same time, meanwhile life keeps moving forward, and you feel like a hamster in a wheel.

Burnt Out, Like Toast In Obsidian Crumbs

What I felt the most since these stressful situations began to weigh on Kyle and me was the desire to hit pause and process what I was feeling while the world held still. You know? Just a moment, where you could feel without the expectation to be who you are and do the things others depend on you for. Even the little things, you depend on yourself to do. Of course, that feeling grows to a desire to stop the world for days, and escape to a zone where the stressful things can’t bother you. A yearning for the before and a hunger for the after, this is all resolved and back to normal. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the big emotions of personal things that you forget to have fun together. You forget to just be yourself. It’s a bizarre version of your life that doesn’t feel familiar, and I think after months of feeling like this, 2025 ended with me feeling chewed up and angry.

So why do we pretend like this is a normal state of being a responsible adult? Like if I hadn’t decided to stop drinking alcohol in 2021, this season would have been months of riding out a buzz, ignoring my problems, and choosing unhealthy coping mechanisms. Subbing in a source of temporary joy, depending on a thing or a feeling to get you through, is avoiding the inevitable mess that upset you in the first place. But I think this is the box we put ourselves in as adults, to stop from appearing weak or vulnerable. Substitute a drink for a shopping haul, sports betting, s*x, doom scrolling – what I’m talking about is far more common than we admit. So why do I feel so alone in this feeling?

It is still my present burden to bear, Kyle’s present burden to bear. Contrary to the calendar, your problems on Dec 31 are still there when you wake up on Jan 1. Doesn’t that suck? I felt myself wishing more than ever at the end of 2025 that the “fresh start” effect was real. Because life requires emotional endurance with no cap. That is quite difficult for us humans to do. It requires patience, hope, faith, self-control, gentleness, and love. We grow weary, we hide our struggles like they are something to be ashamed of, instead of a common part of life. We are odd creatures. That’s why I decided to share this, because I don’t think we discuss this enough, and I plan to talk about it more.

Marriage is hard, in more ways than I could even comprehend, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible. As we are both kids of divorce, we stubbornly refuse to address the stress that is negatively affecting our relationship because to do so feels like we are already failing, but that’s not true. So I’m writing this for you, the one who feels the weight of their parents’ divorce on all of their relationships, like a curse you are inevitably going to repeat. It’s not true. Keep going and stop bracing for the bottom to drop out, like I waste time waiting for. We are survivors, and we are going to make it through the mess.

#78 – Can You Feel Optimism in 2025?

This is a bit of a follow-up to my discussion of cultural boredom from earlier this year, a little update to my creative slump, and exciting developments for my hunt to replace my reliable crafting supplies. The world still feels like it is on fire, but I think I am learning how to thrive again. It takes me a long time to process things, so maybe that’s why?

Spaghetti and Gnarly

Le Sserafim released a song that captures the wonderfully nonsensical world of a good K-pop song. Spaghetti is catchy, silly, and makes me crave spaghetti, so that’s what I am cooking tonight. It is what I remember the music videos of K-pop to look like when I took the plunge in 2022. It was fun, and in the last few years, it has lost some of its luster with darker concepts, instead of cute, and a bit uninspired. Although I’m fully into K-pop, it has been repetitive and bland for most of 2025. Except for my favorites – Stray Kids and Nmixx. Enter Gnarly by Katseye. A song that is so jarring it’s bad but also amazing, it’s been a weird one for me, the thesis of this year, it has felt like. “Everything is gnarly.” A phrase that has carried me through bizarre headlines and life’s bumpy road this year. For me, Gnarly was going to be the song that typified what I remember feeling in 2025, until Bleep by Stray Kids dropped in August. But now, I hope I will remember moments that feel like the upbeat wonder of Spaghetti. What about Golden? I desperately need to compile notes for K-pop Demon Hunters because that has been such a gift.

Big Twist at Michaels

Big Twist is back at Michaels, for real, and it’s kind of silly to admit this, but it feels comforting. There’s a Joann Knit and Sew Shop section in the store, and like, maybe it was a bad dream? I mean, all the crafting drama definitely happened this year between private equity, tariffs, and Sci Show declaring the arrival of physicists to help the knitters. The familiarity was maybe all my neurodivergent mind needed to just relax a bit? Now the fabric is not good, but it could get better in time. I’m choosing to be hopeful, I mean, the recent US election showed a strong rejection of the Trump Administration, so as people have said all year, if it can get worse, it can get better. And for me, who hates change with a passion, I’ve learned that if it disappears, it can come back. I just need to work on my patience. I have found a second local yarn store in my own state, and a great local fabric shop. I’d say I’m pleased to the point that I am not missing Joann like I thought I would.

Stitches for Identity

I believe I am finally moving out of the depressed forest that is being laid off due to personal and global trauma. I’ve been listening to Kitchen and Jorn’s Losing Followers Podcast, where they have been talking through the post-Buzzfeed time of their careers. I was in a toxic job at Great Dane Trailers in the late 2010s, and it was freeing yet terrifying to lose that job. Listening to Jen and Kristin talk through the transition of leaving a job that demanded all of them, to be free from that monster, but also lose all connection to the project they built from the ground up, has been a balm to me. When I was laid off, I lost my app and my content calendar, my magazine contribution. I was wrecked, and I didn’t know how to process that for years. I felt like a loser. I dove into crafting, and for years, those stitches of thread and yarn gave me meaning.

The blog, though, and finally this year uploading my manuscript to this website this year connected me back to what makes me feel like me. I have always been drawn to writing, and not having that or a way to work towards something bigger than just sharing my creations on social media was gnarly. But this blog and your community have helped me find my way back. I mean, heck, Udal Cuain and my original blog, where I shared chapters, was the portfolio that landed me the corporate job. Although it’s gone, what I learned and experienced stayed with me and has made me grow into who I am now. This has been a full circle.

It’s been freeing to admit to myself and loved ones that I was depressed by that career loss. Starting over again has been confusing, but it’s not all figured out yet. There is still time to find a new place where I belong. I’m in the process of recalibrating, and that is a direction in itself. I feel freed from the weight of “monetizing my hobby” and the impossible summit of creating a small business as someone who truly is not cut out for the accounting or marketing parts.

Unmasking and Coping for the First Time

Truly, though, as I reflect on this year, getting serious about health – mental, physical, and emotional – for the first time has contributed to the feeling of optimism I have leaving 2025 that I did not have entering 2025. I have healthier boundaries in relationships, more honesty about how I’m doing, and whether I am feeling overstimulated. I recently got into rebounding, aka a fancy term for jumping on a miniature trampoline for cardio. Wow, I like this for my mind! It resets me, and it’s helping me get stronger. I used to feel ashamed of who I am. I didn’t understand why I felt so different, nor did I know how to communicate burnout without pushing friends and loved ones away. Being unmasked was tumultuous for the first couple of months, but now I never want to put that neurotypical mask back on.

How has 2025 changed you? I think it has made me unapologetically empathetic. Bolder to say I disagree with wrong because the stakes have been higher than ever in my lifetime. I hope to carry that forward into 2026, because I think the opposite of late-stage capitalism is community, so let’s burn it down with empathy. Thank you, dear reader, for spending time with me today. I wish you love and kindness.

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I Found A Local Yarn Store!

sheep in a field

If you have been following my blog this year, you will know that I was feeling a bit frustrated, that I didn’t have a local yarn store to turn to after Joann closed – but that’s no longer the case! I found a local shop thanks to the Yarn Discovery Tour of North Eastern Ohio. How wonderful is that!

As a Western Pennsylvania resident, it was a little bit of a drive, but not too far to visit the lovely Three Sheep Gallery and Workshop of Boardman, Ohio. This yarn shop had so much for me and my mom to check out – spinning wheels, weaving looms, yarn brands galore, project kits, needles, hooks, etc. I picked up a sock kit with a superwash merino and nylon blend fingering weight yarn that is self-striping. I was excited to try this sock kit because it came with a free pattern from Urth Yarns. This sock pattern has been full of surprises, some good and some challenging. It is a toe-up sock pattern, based on traditional Turkish sock design.

I’ve never made a toe-up sock before, I’m excited to learn new techniques, but here is where I am struggling. I bought double-pointed needles, on recommendation for sock knitting, and they are wonderful needles, but dang, the combo of a new sock technique and new tools has been frustrating. I’m getting laddering on the sock every time I start over, and I feel a bit on the edge of tears because these needles were expensive – 21 USD! On top of the sock kit for 29 USD for 100 grams of yarn and a PDF pattern. I feel a lot of pressure, from my own mind, because I was not paying attention to the price and feel like I made a mistake, but I need to remember that new skills take time. With patience and practice, the skill will come in time.

The second project I purchased was a scarf kit with two yarn hanks of worsted weight wool and a pattern from Urth Yarns, that my mom also purchased so we will have matching scarves! I’m so excited. The biggest blessing of this day was the opportunity to share what I love with my mom, my Scott, and my Kyle. I am truly grateful for all that these guys did to make this a great day of bonding for my mom and I, and for the four of us. It’s been a heavy few weeks after losing our beloved Sully, and getting a day to explore a new yarn store, learn about weaving, and getting to meet the lovely owner of Three Sheep was a bright spot after days of gray.

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Apathy and Fear – The Worst Cocktail

It drifts in, like a high pressure system. Clouds stratify, and all seems well. We don’t know that the pallid tone maybe the one that may drain the life from us, until we are as pale as a corpse.

Apathy. The silent assassin that numbs the senses to right and wrong. A comfortable sweater of indifference to our worries, we check out. But it doesn’t just numb us to what hurts us, it numbs us to all things, even joy. Disassociating will not make what is weighing on you better. Choosing to be a part of the background, to escape the foreground and its perils, is not going to rescue your mind from the monsters waging war. Because that is what apathy does, it makes you forget that you are making a choice not to care, and makes you feel like the world is victimizing you, when instead, this path you chose, yourself.

Fear. It’s powerful. It motivates us like nothing else, because no matter what is going right in our life, the looming fear of our mortality and of the inescapable henchman named pain will get us in the end. There is nothing that can change that. It eats at us, not knowing when the bad will come. Fear isolates. Fear keeps us closed off in suburbs. Fear drives a big SUV, that is 6 feet off the ground, in a tank that blocks from view the child you are about to run over. Fear, closes off communities from connection, to protect us from the unknown devil living next door. Paranoia holds us at arms length. The faces we see everyday, can’t be trusted. Fear will keep us safe. Fear is gerrymandering a map to neutralize the unknown, to grasp at the concept of control, before the phantom slips through our fingers. Fear censors history, because it is too weak to look at the failings of our ancestors.

I’ve seen fear and apathy take good people and turn them into feckless sycophants to the current guard. I’ve seen money and security divide us, when connection would save us. And now, I’ve witnessed first hand how easy people are swayed, and it sickens me, even a trusted friend can fall to its charisma. I’ve now seen first hand, the cleverness of fear and apathy to destroy compassion, moral truth, and justice for the chance to be saved. For the sake of the job. Comfort, instead of doing what is right. I always wondered why people in the past let dictators and evil groups turn their necks to ignore genocide and racism, but heck, even those you think are good, will trade it all for a coin. We are fallen, flawed humans, with a penchant for destruction, war, and hate. I don’t want to see another good one fall prey to the evil of the shadows, because they are in pain.

It’s ironic how we have been too arrogant in my culture to believe we could not fall as far as those of the past. We have progressed past those silly people of yore. Too long have ignored the power of an individualistic culture and problematic policies which seek to isolate, and haughtily believed would not get us one day.

Apathy and Fear. Don’t drink from their cup. We must cling to empathy, even on the days the weight of the world feels like it is going to break us in half. It wants to but it can’t because love conquers all things. Fear is a liar. It spends its time creating shadows that loom above, but will always disappear in the light. It’s not easy to care. But it is important that we stay the course in love, in empathy, and refuse let go of ethics. For without those, what do we have other than a mortal bag of bones and a never ending hamster wheel?

Trying Libby for the First Time

I recently joined a library again and it feels great. Going to the Meadville Public Library was a staple of our time as residents. Saying goodbye to those endless shelves, antique architecture, and Stars Hollow view of the gazebo from the sweeping windows was a precious gem I took for granted. When we moved to my current town, we checked out the new library and were underwhelmed from both the location – under the borough building – to the sparse and watered down collection. With current attack on public libraries by the big oaf and his minions, we decided to look around for a better option and we found it in a neighboring town.

With library card in hand, I downloaded an app my friend recommended – Libby. It’s a new to me digital book, digital magazine, and audiobook loaning platform that reminded me of audible but better, because its free. We briefly had an audible subscription to fill the void and it was a blast, except for the price. There was also a gatekeeping aspect to it, all these amazing audiobooks are here to change your life – now pay up. 🤨

Although with Libby, there are wait times, I deeply enjoyed my first listen. I chose ‘The Cousins’ by Karen M. McManus. I had started her book ‘One of Us is Lying’ back in 2021 and returned it before I could finish, but I liked her writing style. Since this title was checked out I went with her stand alone novel, for its mysterious yet Gossip Girl- esque plot.

The audio was smooth, with four different narrators that felt more like I was listening to a play than a book. It was atmospheric and enveloping. Listening to a book is my favorite way to craft. It keeps me engaged and off my phone.

What I have discovered since finishing ‘The Cousins’ is the magazine section which offers Marie Claire Korea, Vogue Japan, and several new Korean and Japanese fashion magazines I’ve never seen before. These are the editions I’ve seen my favorite bands featured in but have no way to interact with unless I wanted to pay $50 for an issue sold secondhand. All for free because of the library and the Libby app. I am delighted! 😄

Individuals Without Individuality

What does it mean to be an individual? Are you a person? A sum among parts? An island? A unique person, maybe? What does it mean to do things individually? What does individuality mean to an individual? I really wish this word, and its forms, weren’t so tricky to spell with my slightly dyslexic mind (not formally diagnosed, but it runs in the family). It’s a lot to digest, but this has probably been stewing in my mind for the past year, waiting for me to plate it up.

My culture is incredibly individualistic, and this is expressed in good ways and bad. One good way is that my country is a land of immigrants and indigenous people, meaning there are voices, ideas, and ways of doing things. But when there are people, there are forces of wanting to fit in, wanting to control and suppress, and prescribed ideas of the “best” way. I think this has been at the forefront of my mind because I see a vast amount of content being shared online saying originality is dead, or personal style has been killed by the algorithm. We are all core-ified or aesthetically boxed in, and social media has commodified subcultures. But it’s the internet, critiquing the internet, so we’re of course using broad, and extreme brushstrokes here.

Where my mind has drifted to is the sameness. I see people online discussing the boringness of everything from movies to the same cosmetic procedures, the bland landscape of interior design, and starter pack cliches for “types” of women. There is a sea of Petite Knit patterns, a galaxy of Marvel media that repeat the same formula, reboot television, and romantic tropes pushed by publishers and BookTok to make everything fit nicely in the digital marketing ecosystem. Then we fall into nostalgia, like recession pop, which I found myself listening to the other day, reminiscing about my first summer as a member of Geneva’s painting crew in 2010. Thinking about how different life was before I even had a Facebook.

What we talked about and the memories I made with the women and men of my team were tangible, not digital. We discovered what we liked based on environmental forces, like books assigned in school, books suggested by a friend, etc. Music was discovered and shared by radio play, recommendations from others, and shared playlists that your friend curated, not the music streaming platform or the algorithm. I thought a bit less about my appearance, I mean, in adolescence, you are quite aware, but not as much as the smartphone era has brought attention to the physical image of ourselves. I had fewer pictures, grainier pictures, but more memories. Strong memories are tied to tangible things, like songs, food, books, buildings, and movies. We were all very different from each other, yet we could find commonality, and this is where the gears in my mind started turning.

We were part of a group, but had individuality. Yet, nowadays I feel more like I’m in a void, of no commonality, except for how everyone is into the same things, and wears the same clothes, yet we are not connected, communicating, nor would I even consider that despite our shared things we are on a team or part of a community. It’s hollow.

I think we are missing the point of life. We are not working towards something together. We are not part of communities. We are part of aesthetics. We have become fans not of art or sport but of corporations like Target, Lululemon, Sephora, Stanley, and Tesla. Well, probably not Tesla anymore. Target is also being boycotted, so…anyways. Apple, Alo, Rhode, Kate Spade, Trader Joe’s, Labubu. That’s more 2025, phew. Why are we stanning companies? Why are we considering shopping for a hobby? This is not a way to connect; it is a way to consume and drown in stuff instead of substance. Our roots are becoming so shallow, and our debt is vast; we are plants choked out by the weeds of hyper-individualism. We have let originality become a thing achieved not by character formation and real-life community, but by the path of purchase. Purchases for ourselves. It snuck in so fast, I didn’t realize how the art of gift giving has become a self-care checklist. Yikes! It wasn’t until playing Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing: New Horizons that I was struck by how topsy-turvy my own culture has become. Our priorities are whack, and I believe it has made us lonely, shells, devoid of individual thought, buying our way to “happiness” because all we think about is our individual needs above all. We have forgotten that humans are fulfilled by the relationships and communities we are rooted in. It’s time to break the spell.

Nine O’Clock

I have a standing date each night. I hurry myself to keep the pace if I see the clock begin to click out of my grasp after my shower. Sometimes I feel like doing my skincare is a chore, I’ll skip the lotion on my limbs or let my hair dry as it pleases if I think I am running behind. As the months pass, I feel the wonderful weight of this schedule, something that was a number on a clock face is now an important engagement with my bunny.

It started slowly, maybe a coincidence? After my shower, I’d walk down the stairs to look for Mia. It was a greeting, then it became a moment on the floor. Now, it has grown into a tradition, an expectation that I will get settled and sit on the floor. I can do some things, other petting Mia, but it must be done from the floor. I can play a little Animal Crossing, one-handed, or find a video to play as background ambience. She’s not a fan of K-pop, though she will tolerate a girl group, with impressive vocals only.

I used to coax her over, after I sat on the floor with a little wiggle of my hand. Recently, she’s been waiting for me in the doorway. Her tail wags, her little body binkies when I open the gate, and last night I could barely find a spot on the floor with her zoomies encircling me. With how rocky our start was, did I ever think Mia would greet me with such effervescent joy? No, I truly thought we would have a distant and tense relationship. Instead, last evening, after 30 mins of pets and snuggles, she flopped next to me, waiting for more pets. She is safe here, and I feel the safety in the silence. The contentment of being with her, the love that is felt in her presence, and the tempo she creates to slow down and breathe.

The greatest thing you’ll ever know, as Nat King Cole wrote in his song “Nature Boy,” is just to love and be loved in return. This line is a key theme of Moulin Rouge, and Bowie’s version of this song was my first encounter with is this song. It’s what I think having a bunny is, to love and be loved in return. I feel her love in her morning greeting, no longer greedy for breakfast for pets, but instead trusting me that food will always be there, she runs over to say “Good Morning.” It’s a celebration of another day, another gift of life, and another day spent with the ones we love.

What About the Garment Workers? 2025 Edition

There are a lot of things about this new Trump term that are setting my jaw. The newest one, though, happens to be the tariffs zeroing in on Vietnam, and something we are losing sight of in this discussion—what is going to happen to garment workers?

Vietnam is one of many countries in the global south that are responsible for the garments and shoes we wear every day. In May 2024, they surpassed China as the largest textile and garment market share for U.S. imports. The nation employs around 2.5 million people within the 6000 garment and textile factories across Vietnam. This rapid growth of 37 billion USD worth of garments being made in Vietnam in 2024, from 26 billion USD in 2017, is due to the low wages of Vietnam compared to the higher wages of China and even higher wages in the United States. In the 1980s, before Clinton’s NAFTA in 1993, garments sold in American stores were made in the United States, but this changed during the Clinton era and has gotten worse in the 32 years since through the rise of fast fashion and the fashion industry’s reliance on cheap labor at the expense of the garment workers.

So, now we bring the so-called “Liberation Day” of tariffs, and since this is a space I like to keep safe, I’m going to move on because I have nothing nice to say. What I want to focus on is not making this job American again, the rising prices of garments, or anything political, and instead I’d like to zero in on what seeing the world with a Kingdom (God’s Kingdom that is) lens has taught me so far this year.

I’d say that my eyes being opened began last year with diving deeper into Fashion Roadman’s channel, which led me to watch two documentaries – The True Cost of Fast Fashion and Perfume’s Dark Secret in 2024. The other revelations that were exposed in 2024 such as the labor practices of Armani and Dior, were very telling for how are garments are made from luxury to fast fashion. It’s no secret that the fashion industry, including luxury brands, is not concerned with the moral cost of their decisions and is solely focused on getting money in their pockets for their shareholders. So, what is going to happen within the fashion industry as a result of these tariffs set on Vietnam, especially with no sign of negotiation from the Trump Administration? I think it’s going to be bad for everyone.

I think costs from the brands will be cut from the quality of the garments being made, to the materials, to the contracts with these factories. I think garment workers will probably see the biggest hit in their work environment and wages, as their economy is hurt. Or potentially the factories will no longer get these contracts to cut labor costs, meaning the production of garments will be further entrenched with slave labor in countries where workers are exploited. Then what will those women be left with? Garment Workers are primarily women, and they are skilled laborers who could be left without a way to provide income for their families.

It’s not okay for so many reasons.

That is why, as we look towards Easter, I am thinking about those who are oppressed in our world, because Jesus came to be a new Moses and lead us through the Exodus Way. Thank you, dear reader, if you stayed with me on this one. I wish this world weren’t such a downer right now, but just know, although we are from the United States, we are not pleased and empathize with how this is affecting you too. ❤

Is A Yarn Made From Recycled Marine Plastics Any Good?

As I have dove deeper into the world of fiber crafts and created often, I’ve become more conscious of the fibers I choose. Mainly because when a project doesn’t work, I feel like a jerk for making that mistake in hard to break down acrylic. I would feel less of a fool if my mistakes were constructed in biodegradable natural fibers like wool, cotton, linen, or bamboo. Starting in 2024, I began to migrate back to natural fibers, which I mentioned before in my Summer Knitting Plans post from last year. I had been hesitant to use wool before that, supposed allergies that I debunked in 2024, which led me to explore the many fiber offerings of Knit Picks.

When I was looking at sock yarns in the fall, a particular fiber caught my eye – Oceana. The Oceana line has this vibrant kaleidoscope of colors that evokes the tropical hues of a coral reef. It’s stunning! When my stepdad gifted me a Knit Picks gift card for Christmas, I knew exactly what I would order – the Oceana! Not just for the colors, but the innovative fiber content.

L to R: Sea Lettuce, Spirulina, Tiger Fish, Swordfish, Axoloti

This yarn is composed of 54% Superfine Alpaca and 46% Polyester SEAQUAL, which is made from marine litter cleaned from the ocean, and that plastic is then recycled into polyester (acrylic) yarn that is blended with the Alpaca fiber to create the Oceana yarn. The halo seems to be the Alpaca, based on my experience working with this yarn, and the interior chain fluffy fiber strand seems to be a combo of the recycled polyester and Alpaca fiber. Now, fiber blends are not the best for decomposing, but I like the motives behind this yarn. Instead of using newly created polyester, which doesn’t break down easily and is cluttering our environment, they are taking the trash out of the ocean and repurposing it into something useful. How cool is that? Can more polyester-based products start with recycling the plastic litter before making more? We literally have endless resources of trash, thanks to Shein and our rampant overconsumption.

So how does this yarn knit up? Excellently! It has this plush texture with a fuzzy halo that to me looks like those mohair strands knitters use to plush up a sweater.

I’d say the only cons I have are the price and the yardage. I didn’t find this yarn went far, and had to play yarn chicken a few times. I secondly was only able to order five skeins with my gift card, the yarn was on sale might I add, with a 50 USD gift card. When I ran out of yarn, I chose to supplement with Knit Picks Palette yarn in fingering weight, held in double strands to match gauge. I do understand that part of the price is the process of SEAQUAL and the Alpaca fiber costs as well, but it was just a bit too much for me to purchase more at full price when I ran out, especially when I had existing yarn in my stash that could work.

I had planned to have this project done by the time I reviewed the yarn, but as it is now April, and I’ve shifted to summer and spring knitting it is unlikely this project is wrapping up soon. Here’s a look at the project at its current state. 🙂

Fashion Feels So Off in 2025

I was talking to my friend recently about fashion week, we bounced between NYFW and PFW in our discussions, primarily NYFW and we both remarked how the spark is gone. Growing up we both lived for those massive February and September issues of American Vogue, but as adults, neither of us read the fashion magazines nor are we swept up in watching a runway show stream on Youtube. In college I remember watching runway shows between classes, soaking up the atmosphere of the music, the makeup, the silhouettes strutting down the long walk away. Now, I hardly care about fashion week. My favorite moments of fashion week are no longer the collections and focus on Hyunjin’s interactions with Donatella at the Versace show and Felix’s runway passes for Nicholas Ghesquiere’s Louis Vuitton Women’s collection.

Out of the two of these collections – Versace and Louis Vuitton, I guess I pay attention to and prefer Donatella’s work, but I’m not looking at the collection, I’m focused on the spectacle anymore with these fashion shows. Versace shows at Milan Fashion Week, not Paris for clarification. I watched a highlight of PFW from Fashion Roadman and was underwhelmed. Even Alexander McQueen cannot get me hyped for the runway anymore. I saw there was a Carhartt collaboration with the brand Sacai which was quite frustrating to me. I’ve worn Carhartt before and it is not my vibe. Some shows reused old items, sorry they presented from the archive, from previous collections for “sustainability” and there was a collection addressing war, which feels a bit like that infamous scene in The Devil Wears Prada.

I know it sounds harsh, but I wish brands would do more for countries around the world than present a “statement” against war with military-inspired pieces when these brands are part of huge conglomerates that have the resources and influence to make a difference and instead, they use fashion to make money from exploited workers. And maybe that is why fashion in 2025 feels so off – fashion is not fun anymore. We know too much, the fashion machine has destroyed so much and is the capitalist monster filled with egos and performative greenwashing.

I’ve mentioned before that I find more inspiration from K-Pop than fashion magazines and that holds true for me in 2025. I’m more interested in customizing my wardrobe and making things personalized to my tastes than following the trend cycle because the trend cycle is regurgitating things from my lifetime that I’m already interested in, such as ballet flats, but assigning them an expiration date and I disagree. By the mid-2010s I was tired of ballet flats, but I had worn them for 10 years at that point and was interested in something new to replace my worn, falling-apart flats. I’d rather pick a reference and get inspired, like watching Seinfeld and writing notes for an outfit I’d like to emulate. But that doesn’t fit with the fashion cycles and seasons, so it’s making the fashion shows seem pointless to me.

But the most off-putting thing I’ve seen this year is the discussion – ‘The Death of Personal Style’ which I have seen explored by Drew Joiner, Mina Le, and Nicky Reardon. This topic has been debated across the internet in spaces I don’t visit like X or TikTok, but I think people are bored and claiming personal style is dying because we need some fresh inspiration. I’ve been in a creative slump so far in 2025 with writing because the internet spaces I hang out in have been so negative this year. Like a communal ennui has rolled in, shrouding creative people in a fog. It’s been hard to not buy into the mindset and I’ve been a member of the club after seeing how worried my loved ones are that are facing being cut from their job or their career sector being gutted. Fiber artists and sewists are definitely in a delicate place right now, finding a new normal after Joann’s.

Yeah, it’s weird. I hate change, and I fear the past being repeated, but something struck me last night after watching two videos that have nothing to do with fashion but humor me. The YouTube creator Suibhne (Swee-nee) makes historical content about countries around the world, I in particular chose The History of Korea and The History of Japan to watch, and it’s heavy. What happened between Korea and Japan in the Sino-Japanese War has had lasting consequences, but so has European colonialism in Asia and America’s forced opening of Japan through Commodore Matthew Perry.

Watching these videos that recount the atrocities of WWII in the Pacific reminds me that the overall concern of what is happening politically in the world and in my home country is coming from a noble place. I think overreaction or potentially appropriate reaction is important to keep any bit of the past from being repeated. It’s staying vigilant, like the servants in Luke 12 who were waiting at the door for the master of the house to return. Complacency is never a good thing.

Stay dressed for action and keep your lamps burning, and be like men who are waiting for their master to come home from the wedding feast, so that they may open the door to him at once when he comes and knocks. 

Luke 12:35-36 ESV

So instead of being concerned by the social worry of WWII attitudes re-emerging, I should see it as a positive that people are taking things seriously and are unwilling to let evil take root again for the good of all. Even when I consider how fashion seems so dark because of unethical labor practices, sometimes I wish I didn’t know about the darkness, and instead I should consider how knowledge is not the enemy, the unethical practices are the enemy. Shopping is not as fun, but why is my pleasure more important than the rights of garment workers? It’s not all about me. Knowing this information is not the end point either, we put the awareness into action for change. So fashion feels off, but I think we’re tilling up ground for something new, not destroying something joyful for us fashion lovers.

I wish you hope, joy, and peace wherever you are. Thank you for taking the time to spend it with me today, dear reader. Until next time ❤

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