Blooming Where You’re Planted

Let me start by saying that this is not a garden-related post. This is a topic that came to mind last week, and even though the phrase “Bloom where you’re planted,” is a bit cliche and overused, it is an important mindset to have. Unfortunately, I haven’t had this mindset too often in my life, but thankfully, some things finally began to change to help me appreciate what is around me. This is a brief post about learning to accept my current circumstances and embracing those who love me.

Misery & Realizing I Needed Help

I believe I’ve referenced it elsewhere on the blog, but 2025 was a really rough year for me. It was a year that I expected to be great: It was our first full one in a house we bought, we had adopted a pet together for the first time, I was finally able to plant a big garden, and I had a woodshop. By all measures, I should have been happy. Yet, I was miserable. I have always struggled with moodiness, but this was something deeper. I was pushing myself too hard, not taking time to relax, and making decisions that were never going to make me happy. I was unhappy with my work/life balance even though nothing had changed, and all I could focus on was the negative. My mind was telling me everything was going wrong. That I was going to lose my job and that no matter how much I did, the fake to-do list in my head was never going to be cleared.

2025 was also the year when I wanted to get my relationship with my mom back to a healthy place, and during the five months or so, that looked to be possible. We haven’t had a healthy relationship for over 10 years now for a number of reasons, and without going into too much detail, unhealthy communication and a lack of forgiveness are the main issues. Since 2015, I have tried several times to improve and fix our relationship, but I was unsuccessful each time. But things finally appeared to be trending in a positive direction. In 2024, we met her and my stepdad at an event held at a church park, and it went okay. It was the first time I saw her in person in at least seven years.

2025 rolled around, and we invited them to see our house in March when they were passing through the area. Again, that went okay, and we saw them again for a Saturday lunch. We further made plans to meet up with them at the same church event last summer, but on the day we were supposed to meet them, I froze. I was simply unable to take the necessary steps to leave our house and see them again. I likely had some sort of a panic attack, and my mental health was on the fritz. That day was both the darkest of my life and the one when I decided to seek help and found a therapist. Before that day, I felt off and not like myself, but I couldn’t pinpoint it. I was encouraged by being able to see my mom more often than I had in nearly a decade, but it still wasn’t fixing the relationship because forgiveness wasn’t happening and we weren’t talking about the root issues.

Learning From Therapy

One of the most important things I have learned from therapy is that I’ve been chasing after my mom my entire life. She and my dad divorced when I was 3, and from then until high school, I was constantly chasing her. I wanted more time with her, more experiences with her, and more of her attention. I wanted to buy her the best Christmas gifts and do everything I could to receive her love. I moved with her in high school and left an entire life behind to get to know her more. I would take her side over everyone else’s and put relationships on the back burner if it’s what I felt was needed. Unfortunately, that dedication wasn’t reciprocated. Sure, she and my stepdad would bestow gifts and give experiences that seemed great, but there was an absence of commitment on a day-to-day basis. Unconditional love and forgiveness were nowhere to be found.

2025 was a continuation of me chasing after her. Internally, I think I felt that if I opened up my home to her and made a serious effort to spend time with her, our relationship would be fixed. I wanted to believe that I would finally get from her what I had always wanted. Then, when nothing changed, something snapped in me, which is when I finally began to change my mindset and build myself back up.

There were two things that changed within me. One was accepting that my relationship with my mom wasn’t where I wanted it to be and likely never would be. This pattern has been going on for decades now, and there’s little reason to believe it is going to change. The second thing was to look around and see who has been a consistent presence in my life and always wants me in their life. Magz, dad, dad’s family, my in-laws, and friends immediately came to mind. Magz had always supported me in my relationship with my mom. My dad and I have had an up-and-down relationship at points, largely because I couldn’t stop bouncing between parents. He’s always given me the space to figure things out.

And my in-laws have played such a massive role in my life over the past 10 years, and I’ve begun to truly accept and appreciate that over the past year. They have welcomed me into their family and made me feel more comfortable than my own family does. They accept me and always choose Magz and me over other invitations for holidays and weekends. In the past, I was sad that I wasn’t seeing my family for Christmas, but now I look forward to our traditions with Magz’ parents. My mother-in-law and I planned Magz’ birthday party in January, and my father-in-law and I do regular dinner “dates” together to eat food that our wives aren’t as fond of. We see them several times a month, and I look forward to it almost every time. That hasn’t always been the case, but I’m so glad that my perspective changed.

It would have been really easy to sit and stew in the disappointment of my mom and her unwillingness to have a healthier relationship. Living in the past is so easy. Nostalgia is great because it can remind us of great things from the past, but it’s also dangerous. We can stay in that place and time and become disappointed in the present. By changing my mindset and focusing on the people who choose me, I’ve become so much happier and feel like myself again. I feel loved and capable of loving to my fullest again.

I’m unsure if anyone who will read this struggles with feelings of longing and wanting what we don’t have. I think it’s part of the struggle of humanity and goes back to the first sin. And if you struggle with it like I do, I encourage you to look around and see what’s around you. Find things around you that bring you joy and look to people who love you. Don’t settle for a discounted version of love or a cheapened relationship. Likewise, don’t chase someone who is likely to hurt you when you have people around you who generally care for you. And to bring it back to the cliche, “bloom where you’re planted.” I think a lot of us are in places where we can thrive if we slow down and look at all the positives of our current circumstances and environment. Thanks for reading.