Month: November 2023

My NanoWrimo 2023

How late in the month is too late to make it count? Today, on the second to last day of the month I got a brain wave and have two chapters in a rough draft! I don’t want to give too much away because it’s early in the process. I’m ecstatic though! I was beginning to think Udal Cuain was a fluke and another idea would not come my way. Making lemonade from lemons, that’s the inspiration at least.

If you celebrated Thanksgiving, I hope you had a wonderful holiday with your loved ones. If you don’t celebrate I hope you had a great weekend. I got some solid advice this weekend that I think catapulted this process forward. I was at my mom’s and met up with a former professor from my college. He’s become a family friend over the years which is cool because he was one of my favorite professors.

I was showing him what I was getting up to with sewing and knitting, sharing my design journey, and he asked me if I was planning to sell my creations. I was honest and shared that when I think about taking the leap to sell online or in person, I am filled with doubt that my items are good enough to sell. All I can see are the mistakes instead of listening to feedback from others that they would be interested in purchasing. He considered this and replied that the difference between a published dissertation and a perfect dissertation is that one is completed. It may not be perfect but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have value. When we get stuck in the loop of perfection, we may never move forward to the next step.

This echoed advice I received from a random stranger who is also a writer, earlier in November. That staying organized with the writing process is less important than just getting started. I can’t write a book unless I get the ideas down on paper, no matter how chaotic the first draft is. She encouraged me to just write and edit it later but to get the ideas out of my head. It gave me the motivation to begin an outline for a dress history research project that I’ve been working on here and there in November. This would be non-fiction, which I was fine pivoting my attention to, but I am stoked that I actually had an idea for a non-fiction project because I want to push myself to go all the way this time. To not get stuck in re-writes with Udal Cuain and abandon the project instead of pushing forward to publish it.

I feel a creative spark coming back! This month may not have gone to plan and that’s okay. I have two chapters and an outline for another project. I am truly pleased! What I have been reminded of through this process is how important people are to our lives, strangers and mentors alike, you never know what solid advice others have to share if you take the leap to reach out and connect.

Trying Something New – Hot Pink Scuba Fabric

The clearance section of a fabric store may be my biggest design inspiration. It is in the bolts of discounted fabrics from seasons past that you can find some real gems in my opinion. My brain gets a break from the items deemed trendy or seasonal for a moment to look for something new and at a reasonable price to justify taking a chance on something new. That is how I took a chance on this two-sided scuba fabric that is hot pink and light pink. Not really my cup of tea! But it was 2 USD per yard and honestly a fascinating texture and weight. It was worth the leap to try something new, so I did!

Now, do I always have a garment idea in mind when I pick out these cuts? Nope. Should I? Probably. But some magic can happen as they hang out in my fabric stash like inspiration finding its way to me, which is quite fun.

For this cut, in particular, I was a scuba newbie. The weight was hefty with a bit of stretch, so it needed to be a garment that could handle the heavier textile. The two-sided nature provided two color palettes in one. I considered a jacket, a coat dress maybe? The thing that was working against my creative brain was the Barbie movie. I did not want to make a Barbie cosplay, simply because Barbie was not my favorite toy. I was an American Girl Doll and a Fashion Polly girl through and through. Making a Barbie-inspired garment would not be authentically me nor would it be something I would wear because, did I mention I don’t really wear pink? Yeah, I don’t love pink, especially hot pink, so why did I buy hot pink fabric fabric? I think I like pushing myself to a place of adventure with the clothes I make. I don’t want to make boring clothes if my skills will allow me to do so. No matter what I did with this fabric it was not going to be boring.

One day I saw this photo of Hyunjin on Instagram and it hit me, why does this pink scuba fabric half to be made into a feminine Barbie cosplay? Hot pink looks fantastic in a masculine silhouette. Making a neutral garment, like a pair of pants could be just the thing I need to make this fabric feel accessible to me and my own personal style. A pink dress felt too on the nose for me to get any wear out of and that is a big thing for me. I don’t want to make things I am not going to wear just for the heck of it. Maybe one day if I have a way to sell things that aren’t my personal style but right now that would be a poor use of resources and excess clutter my closet doesn’t need.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to make a hot pink pair of jeans like Hyunjin is wearing, I simply don’t have a jeans pattern in my stash, but I do have a menswear trouser pattern. I chose to use that instead of free-handing a jeans pattern so this garment would have the best chance of success. Jeans have an incredible amount of details that make them distinct and classic. The pants I drafted were going to be far more simple as these would be my first attempt at sewing my own trousers. It was a big moment!

I altered the menswear trouser pattern I had for a better fit by raising the rise for a higher-waisted fit. I did this to fit my waist better and to give more room to my hips. I was nervous these were not going to fit me right because I was grading the pattern to my own design so I cut a generous seam allowance around each piece. (A little too generous I will find out later.) This fabric cut like butter and did not make a mess, which was a huge victory after my Jack Sparrow Inspired Coat corduroy left a layer of fluff on my floor that I still find remnants of today.

To match the crotch lines better, I tried something new from my previous shorts projects and sewed the front and back seams first and then I worked the inseams, working my way out the outside leg seams last. I don’t know if this is the proper technique for sewing trousers but it worked well for this project. I tried them on and the pants fit well, a little wonky at the front because I left too much seam allowance, but they looked like actual pants that an actual person would wear. It was around this point that I realized I needed to do more than just sew two leg tubes together, these trousers would need pockets, fastening, and belt loops to be a properly finished garment.

I recently learned how to make button holes which I shared in My First Buttondown Shirt and with this newfound knowledge I decided to go in a Spicy direction, literally like the Aespa Spicy M/V, I was going y2k! What was cooler than popstar fashion when I was a kid? Nothing. I wanted these to feel like Destiny’s Child or a backup dancer for Proto Zoa would wear.

I decided the best way to accomplish this would be to make cargo pockets for a funky twist and place them higher like you would normal pockets, to hide the weird fit around the front of the pants. These pockets I designed to be usable, big enough for my phone, and secure, with proper button closures. This was my first attempt at cargo pockets and belt loops and I have to say, they were not as scary to make as I thought, especially with the use of my heavy-duty sewing machine.

Final Thoughts

So as far as my first pair of proper pants, not just lounge pants, I am supremely pleased with how they fit. I can see the flare leg starting at the knee. I like how they fall around my hips. I like the length and the rise of the waistline. The pockets were stronger than I anticipated and the belt loops were functional, which came in handy because these pants were a bit big and continued to stretch as I wore them. Styling them was a bit of a challenge, as I realized I didn’t own much in my existing wardrobe that paired well in color and proportion to the silhouette of these pants. Shoes were also a challenge, I opted for a pair of Converse high tops since I believe they go with almost anything.

This is where things got interesting. I wanted to show my mom and my excitement bested my judgment. I unwisely decided to wear these pants out and about for a day of running errands in Wexford. This was my first mistake. My second mistake came from my unwise decision to cut the pieces with an extra seam allowance that made the front of the pants fit weird. The waistband was a bit big which I thought I could remedy with a belt. It did work for a bit until the fabric began to stretch, and stretch it did! The belt stopped working which was awkward, as every few minutes I had to adjust the belt.

My third mistake was not inserting a zipper to take the waistband in, which I should have planned for. I got excited and sewed the seams before I remembered the zipper. This scuba fabric showed every hole, whether pin or needle, therefore seam ripping and inserting the zipper worried me because the fabric was weaker in those spots. I was concerned the pants would rip (foreshadowing) so I left the pants as is to depend on that belt for structure. The side was the only place to put the zipper because the front was fitting so weirdly I did not want a zipper shining a big spotlight on that error.

Herein lies my final boss of mistakes, the fabric versus my thread tension. It was a mele. With thick fabric, I raise the thread tension because it helps the needle sew through the thicker fabric. Being unfamiliar with scuba I didn’t know how the scuba would respond. The scuba did not like the high tension nor did it like being sewn. I was able to get the pants, the pockets, the waistband, buttons, and belt loops on, but there were times I could barely get a needle through. The tension came back to bite me in the butt as my wear test went on. By the end of the day, I was incredibly thankful we headed home early. The thread on structural seams, like the main ones in the front, back, and sides had begun to rip through the fabric. The seams were on their last leg.

I’ve never had this happen with a project before! I was incredibly frustrated as this project took days to sew. My fingers were scratched up from the pins and the needle accidentally stabbed me as I hand sewed the buttons. There was no way to fix them, they were toast.

And so ends the journey of the pink pants. They had a good day out. A one-time adventure. They were good pants that deserved better. In my short time with them, they taught me a lot. Thank you pink pants and random scuba fabric. I will never purchase scuba again!

#40 – Crying or Laughing

What a weird couple of days. It was like a rollercoaster and now, just as Sookie asks on the ‘Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving’ episode of Gilmore Girls, “Am I crying or laughing?” After Jackson deep fries the turkey, and almost everything else, including a part of the lawn! Yeah, I felt that confusion.

It wasn’t all bad though.

Friday was actually a spectacular day! As the sun descended behind the rain-filled clouds and darkness ensconced the day Kyle and I found ourselves in a magical wonderland of lights. It was Keystone Safari’s holiday night! The entire zoo was decked out with holiday splendor, under the twinkling of lights and interludes of rain, a familiar place transformed into a magical experience. I even got to meet a Kangaroo joey!

Saturday was good too, my mom and I had a wonderful heart-to-heart that filled my heart with joy. But then Sunday came. As a believer usually, Sunday connotates peace, freedom, and comfort. This day instead, was a big bummer. A friend, I was building a strong relationship with in spite of a lot of limitations, like distance and ease of communication, well she just dropped a chaos bomb and put our relationship in a tailspin.

As a kid of divorce, messy boundaries and lack of consistency are tough, random disappearing maneuvers just plain suck. I’ve done a lot of work on my own and with God over the last five years to break free from childhood pain that was stuck to me, so that I stopped letting those wounds dictate my life. It’s tough when life just throws you a curve ball. The experience, even though we made some efforts to right the damage, raised more questions than I have answers for.

When you put a lot of effort into growing something, only to have the other person rip out your progress without thinking it through, it uproots the relationship. It makes it hard to keep those established and healthy boundaries. Your roots are shallow, although you are fighting to go deeper. I was discouraged by it.

Then Monday decided we should go another round, and I’d say Monday won. That’s okay, life is all about those unexpected moments and how you roll with it. The day started with a false alarm that our bank information was stolen. It’s quite the wake-up! A few minutes later we realized our furnace was not working. Living near Pittsburgh, this time of year can be chilly. It was 20s or 30s Fahrenheit outside, our house was going to need a heat source for sure.

It all worked out because God provided for our needs, and I knew even if the furnace never started again, there would be a way forward. The waves of unexpected problems were tiring though, after the unnecessary drama from the day before. That is where I felt like Sookie. It was 7:40 am and the day already seemed doomed to fail.

I’m learning a lot from these moments though, something I plan to dig deeper into in a future post. How do you handle those kinds of moments? Do you have a go-to thing that pulls you out of the frustration?

I tend to listen to music. This song was a go-to for me this weekend:

To Hood or Not To Hood, That Was the Question

I’m currently working on a big knitwear design project. Probably the most ambitious project that I have taken on yet in my time designing knitwear and fabricating sweaters. It is a sweater coat with varying stripes that I have knit in sections over the past few months. I’m currently three months into this project, and per my working style, I’ve worked on smaller projects alongside this big project to keep me stimulated and my motivation high.

This was my progress at the end of September. I had the entire bodice done and sewn together at the shoulder seams, back seam, and under the arms until the point of the sleeve opening. Because I sew, this process of knitting makes more sense to my creative brain than the knitting in the round process. If this type of knitting drives you nuts, it’s only going to get worse so I warned you. 🙂

September Progress

October Progress

In October, I honestly futzed around with the hood and collar and that was about it. I knit one other body panel so two out of four were done and drafted collar and hood patterns, over and over again. I initially expected to make more progress in October and to have just the sleeves left going into November. That didn’t happen.

It was that dang collar and hood section, that kept me in this place of indecision and design frustration. I initially made a collar with a normal stitch, not a ribbed which looks a bit cleaner. I think I was concerned about the collar looking cohesive and was afraid that a solid collar in rib instead of a knit-purl stitch with a stripe would look less cohesive. It looked odd actually. The stripe was good, but the flat collar which began to roll on the end looked ineffectual for a collar. After I sewed it in I carefully cut the collar away which was discouraging from a progress perspective, until I realized the stitched of the collar remained (because I was afraid of snipping the wrong yarn and destroying the shoulders) and the neck opening had this lovely fit and structure now. The shoulders were slightly gathered up to the neck opening and the fit was fantastic now! It just needed a new collar.

I had an idea – what if instead of a collar I went straight to a hood. I had been watching a lot of Gilmore Girls throughout October, seasons four and five to be exact which spanned the years of 2003-2005, peak 2000s fashion. And you know what was popular during this time? The duster! I had an idea, what if the hood was just one piece of this puzzle, what if I made it longer, much longer, added a hood, a rib trim around all the edges with a button closure! A funky duster the likes of Sookie, the Olsen twins, Lindsay Lohan, and even Lorelai herself would have worn during this time.

I knew I wanted to keep the stripe theme going, something that looked labor-intensive and expensive, like a bohemian duster or sweater coat that would be featured in an Anthropologie campaign. I wanted the hood to carry on that stripe motif to make it feel integral to the garment, not an add-on.

Last October, I learned how to draft hood shapes for several outerwear pieces that I crafted for my loved ones as a part of my Potato Technology’s Autumn/Winter 2022 Collection so I am pretty comfortable with the shape and sizing scale for a hood on an outerwear garment. The thing I underestimated though was how tricky it would be to form the hood as I went, as you do with knitting, instead of cutting the hood shape out of fabric. This kicked my butt. I spent a weekend making one half of a hood out of yarn and it was so cursed. When I took it off the needles it didn’t look like the hoods I had created out of fabric and thread. It was lumpy, too short, and not going to work for what I needed.

Once again, I got my scissors out cut the bind off loose, and proceeded to wind the yarn back into a ball. That is when I decided I had to move on to a new section of the project, for my own sanity. Because I still didn’t know how the hood became misshapen in the fabrication process. None of it made sense. Going straight back into making a new hood when I didn’t know how to solve the problem would be a waste of time and resources. I only have one set of size 7 needles, there was no need to tie them up in another likely failed attempt.

I pivoted to the the length of the duster. To make the bottom have more structure I decided to knit this section in two pieces.

November’s Progress (11/16)

This was a good move. I made the first half 30 stitches wider than the previous body panels to create some drape around the hips and the results are cute. The sweater has this sophisticated little flare that accentuates the waist – I was not expecting that! 🙂

With this step in the right direction, I got to work and powered through the last two body panels and the second flare panel at the bottom. It was a lot of work but only took two weeks to complete with focus, stretching, and snacks.

I have a tendency to let the garment lead me. I like to see how the fabric or yarn responds to the vision I have in my head and adjust the design accordingly to the way the project is coming together. The flared panels at the bottom of the sweater inspired me to pivot again, to step back from the hood and long duster to a sweater coat cardigan that could be buttoned into a sweater dress if I would be inclined to wear it as such.

That’s where it stands now. I began drafting a sleeve and designing the color work I had planned for the stripes before I continued any further because I could change my mind and add more length. The hood is out through, it’s just not the vibe.

When will this project be done? I sure hope by the end of 2023, but we shall see.

#39 -Bookcase

Last night my husband and I added an exciting new addition to our home, a rather large and fantastically sturdy bookcase, crafted with love by his own two hands.

It is 7 feet tall. As the pieces began to form the bookcase shape out in his shop, it was intimidating to think about how we were getting it in the house. Not because it was large beyond the doorway or Kyle hadn’t measured and planned the design to fit in our house, but instead who was going to help us carry this?

It looked heavy and ominous. Quite tall. I used to have more upper body strength from working manual labor jobs when I was younger but I lost it over time. I’ve learned that toning and building muscle seem to require more nuance than just practice and I was not doing the latter. Recently when we have carried things, my arms have been noodles, my strength as effective as trying to herd squirrels.

But I was pleasantly surprised, not because I magically became buff or someone else appeared to carry that thing up the stairs and into the house. Wall pilates came in clutch.

See there was an important building block I forgot about where true strength lies in your foundation, which is made ready through discipline. All those I got!

I mentioned in #34 – Shaping Up that I was getting serious about toning my waist for real this time. In doing so I have challenged myself to do at least one minute wall sit and one minute of planks per day. I’ve been doing this for over two months and have added wall pilates and deep-core training along the way. I’ve made my foundation strong by training my legs and my core, which blew me away last night because I think I lifted properly for the first time in my life.

It was all legs and core, my back and my arms didn’t hurt for a second. This is a first! And actually, I was able to shift the empty bookcase a bit on my own. This has shown me that like in everything in life preparation does make the difference. It’s important to keep up with my routine, even when I don’t feel like doing it because I’m busy. This training and discipline have positively affected my ability to do things before I even knew what was ahead of me! I was so relieved to be able to help him instead of having to ask my stepdad or brother-in-law.

I am quite pleased by both the results of deep core training and more importantly how lovely this bookcase looks in our house. He did a fantastic job!

Is A Coat Project Ever Done?

After a wear test this past weekend I realized my Jack Sparrow-inspired coat needed a few more touches to truly pop. Including accessories which will be coming soon. As for the coat, it was missing that polish, you know? So I took the belt and chopped it into five rectangles to make the button tabs and the pocket flaps. I also added more buttons! Two more styles, actually. I added leather-inspired buttons for the chest tabs and a tortoiseshell set to the lapels and the pockets. The pockets have closing buttons for security which was desperately needed because I was close to losing my phone on Saturday due to those gaping pockets. For only having the yardage from the belt to work with this turned out well. Is it a complete project? Time will tell. 🙂

Instagram Isn’t The Same

Lately, Instagram has been getting to me. It’s something that I’m not proud to admit because it sounds a bit pathetic, but hear me out. I’ve had an account since 2016 and mainly used it to share my travel memories and to experiment with photography as a creative outlet. It was fun and broke me out of my shell because it was an image, not a Facebook status update to perfect or a clever tweet to craft because I’m shy, and those social media sites honestly intimidated me.

And so Instagram was this fun creative outlet to express myself and in doing so share these creative moments with some IRL people and more often than not, new people that over time have become internet acquaintances. I found a community of people who got me when my in-person community was lacking. Later that year when I joined WordPress for the first time under the name Muirin Project I was less scared to share my writing because Instagram taught me there are people out there like me who love creating and connecting across the world. An introvert the world is your oyster type of thing, and I was pleased.

As my account has transitioned through the years through different creative projects, like world-building for Udal Cuain, watercolors, knitting and now sewing it’s ebbed and flowed and never felt like an empty void like it does now. With a focus change, I’d gain and lose followers and I never noticed a big jump or big loss until last year. When Instagram pivoted to add reels for a Tik-Tok style feed and sharing, things got a bit weird. I was in a place of discovery, figuring out what the next step should be with my newfound skills, and playing around with reels. Reels and experimentation with the creator account features opened up a new world.

Growth is Weird

Understanding SEO and the need for traffic to build a bigger audience, the platform’s push to share reels higher into the algorithm was a no-brainer as I was testing the waters of turning my sewing into a business. Reels were made and shared and some did poorly and others gained 1000s of views. For an account of 230-ish followers, this felt big, at times too big, and a little scary. The other scary thing was how there was little to no control over what would be pushed out to the algorithm and I was quickly discouraged by the performance of reels that featured projects I put a lot of work into. Reels however did grow my account and I continued to play around with them until this fall when my desire to spend the time on these little videos died.

What I noticed from 2022 to 2023 is that it doesn’t matter whether I share a photo or a reel, they don’t get shared with anyone, most importantly my friends and family. They just do nothing and it frustrates me because I’m not making them for me, I am making them for what they used to do to expand my reach to new people and share my designs with new audiences. As a creative expression, well I’m not a filmmaker and it shows.

What I did start to notice was a new trend, the creator account features became impossible to ignore. A nice little dashboard was added this year to show you, how in my case at least, my account was failing to reach people. This left me with a conundrum, first how the heck do I disable this feature and second, how much do I care about having an account with a category? I did notice that having my account as an “Artist” account limited the random inappropriate spam comments and follows but was the constant reminder of the dashboard worth it?

That dashboard affected me far more than I wish it did. As a recovering perfectionist and overachiever, this was sending me into a Paris Gellar and Amy Santiago type of spiral! This is a career change and life re-route and it has felt like nothing but failure for most of it because I feel like no matter what I’m behind. Instagram’s creator tools and reels were not inspiring me or helping me to “build my business” like they claim, it was making me feel small because of how the entire app is like a big mirror shining back things through a lens of comparison. I didn’t like nor did I want to accept the bitterness welling up inside at others’ success and achievements. It goes against what I believe to tear others down like that to build myself up. I could tell it was making not feel like myself or spark the joy of connection that it used to.

What Am I Doing This for?

In the spiral, before I figured out how to disable the dashboard and return to my public account, I began to question more than just my success according to the app but the point of why I was doing any of this? What was the point of sewing, creating, writing, etc if nothing would show for it? Should I go back to a dead-end job and find my worth within work and money so I could live the American dream of the house and the stuff? I felt like a loser and I didn’t like how much it shook me.

Because that is not where I find my worth and if you have been around the blog before or know me in real life you know that is not what I believe in.

My mom actually pulled me back into focus with incredible advice, to only create things that bring me joy. Not to create things for growth or success or gaining other’s approval, but to make things that make me happy and the joy and passion behind them will be evident to others. She challenged me to re-center back to why I am doing this in the first place because I feel like I am dying inside if I am not making, drawing, writing, and creating. I’ve been this way my whole life and to be honest the only potential wasted time was the time I walked away from all of it to be someone else and pursue a career for the sake of it in my old dead-end job. But even that wasn’t wasted because God used that time to teach me more about myself and the world around me.

Shifting Sand

This brings me to my current frustration with Instagram, the ever-changing follower count that seems more akin to sand in an hourglass than ever before. I’ve been creating for fun, in joyful and passionate waves of knitting, sewing, drawing, and writing. I’ve been doing it for the sake of doing it, not growing towards anything or having a business. I’ve been making out of love.

Because I’ve been making things out of a deep place of passion and love for the process and artistry of it, it is killing me inside each time I share something on Instagram that I am truly proud of and know that it will be followed by a trickle of unfollows after I share. Of course, there will be new people but those unfollows make you feel like crap because I feel like I shared something deeply connected to me and when I would share, in years past the unfollow trickle wasn’t instantaneous to sharing a new post. It’s like Instagram’s new format is to discourage you from using it with this new algorithm and the bombardment of ads and threads, which I can’t seem to turn off either?

Logically, I know it isn’t that deep and my art is not for everyone. I’ve been reminding myself of that a lot lately, that I can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. I think in those my sensitive artist side just feels so spurned by the world, so it will be a process to learn how to ignore it. I wish the platform wasn’t going in this direction though because those connection moments of the past were so sweet and I miss that. Not everyone was an influencer, a creator, a business, or a professional photographer there was a relaxed and fun nature to it that is missing.

The Chase or The Rock

I’m lacking gratitude, and that is the key that I am missing to feeling free from the dark cloud that hangs over us in this social media age. My account has actually grown a lot this year, far more than I expected reaching past the 400 I was hoping to reach. Recently it swung up to 470+ and I began pushing for 500 by 2024, the feeling of chasing over took me instead of pleasure at surpassing my original goal. Funny how the echo chamber of social media makes us feel less than worthy no matter what we do, and that is why I need to be more vigilant at staying focused on what matters.

As I’ve been praying about this, a random and funny reminder has popped into my mind. I think God has a sense of humor so it makes sense. There is this interview on Top Gear UK between Jeremy Clarkson and James Blunt, during one of the old news segments, where they are discussing Blunt’s tweets. James Blunt was unafraid to respond to trolls with tongue-in-cheek quips, including one about the smaller size of his Twitter account compared to other celebrities and Blunt responded, “Jesus only needed 12.” That has stuck with me because why do I feel this need to chase more and more exposure to my account and my designs, comparison. If I am supposed to become something and do something bigger than what I am doing, cannot God accomplish that with 460? He can do the impossible with even less. This is where He has me and this is what I feel called to be doing, I need to quit looking to the right and the left and keep moving forward. And honestly, kick the rest of that noise out of my mind for good.

I hope this post isn’t too long-winded or weird. This has been in my heart for a while, and I’m still wrestling with it. I’m beginning to realize that it is going to be a constant battle to stay rooted in the right perspective. Just remember that you are amazing just the way you are and have something to offer no matter how big or small your reach is. None of this social media hustle determines how talented you are, it’s as fickle as confused seas. So keep fighting!

My Fall 2023 Soundtrack

Munching on Barnyard Feed – Nubian and Nigerian Dwarf Goats

White Horse – Chris Stapleton

Red Lights – Stray Kids

Petite Engine Sounds – Kei Cars at Keystone Safari

Acoustic Guitar Strumming in the Evening – Kyle

Country Squire – Tyler Childers

Delicate Woosh of Watering my Bamboo Plant – Kitchen Faucet

The Crumbling Noise of a Chocolate Bar – Homemade Hot Cocoa

Fact Check – NCT 127

Taste – Stray Kids

Fast-Paced Machinery – My Sewing Machine

Downshifting of a Mazda Engine – Twisty Back Roads

YEPPI YEPPI – Aespa

Where You Lead I Will Follow – Gilmore Girls

Killshot – Itzy

Power Sprayer Around the
House – Home Defense Bug Spray

Hiss and Fizz of Sparkling Water – Homemade Italian Soda

Wave – Ateez

Bagels Popping Up – The Toaster

Needles Clicking – My Knitting

Queencard – (G)I-DLE

Squeaking Calls – Emus

Winnifred Yelling “Booooook!” – My Wall Sit Timer

The Sound of My Yoga Mat Unrolling – My Nightly Plank and Ab Workout

Cake – Itzy

Welcome to my Chanel – Salem Tovar

Halazia – Ateez

Electric Leafblowers – My Neighborhood

Three Chevrolet Lock Sounds – My Neighbor

Social Path – Stray Kids feat. LiSA

Scratching and Blending – Chalk Pastels

Learning to Wait for Direction

In a previous post, Listening to the Bible App’s Audio Version, I switched up my Bible listening to Bible reading to get out of a rut I was in, and it worked really well! I was crushing chapters upon chapters and fitting in the Word where I could including listening to a book while I got a shower and ready for bed, while I was sewing, etc. It was an effective way to consume a lot of the Bible at once. I realized though that spending time in God’s word and daily time with God is a lot more complex than I realized.

So it is true that I was consuming a lot of the word, I listened to Lamentations in one sitting. Hosea was a quick listen that made some of those destruction chapters a quick fly-through, which helped a lot to get me more familiar with those unknown places in the Bible, a goal I felt God leading me to this whole year. My goal in 2023 is to let God lead me through the Bible and let Him teach me what He wants me to know as life unfolds because sometimes knowing where to go next is overwhelming. The Bible is a large book full of many different kinds of writings, and that is where I got into a slump this fall. I try to listen faithfully but sometimes discerning God’s leading can be tough for me as a human to focus on. I get distracted and wander. As I listened to book after book quickly through my day, I realized I was wandering and not letting Him direct me. My wandering wasn’t a bad thing, but focusing and listening to where He wanted me to study next was going to be greater than what I could lead myself to on my own.

I believe that my biggest takeaway from 2023, is to not distract myself from the bigger thing that He has planned just because there is a good option in front of me. Taking the wrong turn in life is not necessarily an extreme thing, it can be just a divergent path that will still bring good things but may not be the ultimate plan God had for me for my life or just for that day. There is a lot more subtly to it than I understood before, and in doing so I understand that being in the relationship daily and being present keeps my eyes and ears tuned for what He has in store for me.

In typical human fashion though this is a lot harder to accomplish than I believe it to be at face value. Because life happens. Like unexpectedly getting sick during a crappy time of the month and having your schedule all thrown off. When life gets busy and chaotic, I slack on my good-for-me habits, including being present in my relationship with God. And one night last week when I was feeling rather low from being sick, feeling behind on what I needed to do, and wanting to catch a break, that was not happening. I just wanted to feel healthy again, and I thought I was getting better but it was confusing, the symptoms were coming in waves, as was my energy.

Before bed, I felt incredibly discouraged as I had another setback, and I got angry with God. I wanted to know why a health issue I had been working to manage for a few years seemed to be regressing and becoming even more of a concern, I wanted to know why I had to, at that moment, feel so lost and alone. In frustration, I went back downstairs and began to knit instead of sleep. I googled and stitched, looking for answers yet feeling like I was now drowning in information. I felt like crying or freaking out, I wanted to talk to someone but didn’t want to wake my husband or call my mom, not at 1 am. It was then that I got my daily verse notification, like 3 hours off of when it is scheduled to come each day, and this is what it said:

Cast your burden on the Lord,
    and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
    the righteous to be moved.

Psalm 55:22 ESV

I was shocked. I was angry at God and yet He was present and reminding me of His faithfulness. That is unlike how we treat each other as humans. It’s unnatural to us but not Him. I could feel His presence so strongly with me and the information I had googled began to sink into my brain instead of swirling around in anxious musings, and I realized my health issue was getting better there was a key part of the process I was misunderstanding but that what I was experiencing was getting back on track. I felt a peace that transcends all understanding. (Philippians 4:7)

In that moment I understood that I needed to slow down and listen because the answers to my questions and worries were there but I had stopped up my ears in distractions and anger. I’m not good at waiting for directions. I tend to fuss. Reigning that behavior, I’m learning is more important than we know. The instant nature of modernity is clouding my attention to learn to be still. I’m not satisfied to exist in that state of mind.

Do you find it easy to be still and wait for further direction? How have you learned to temper that behavior in your own life?

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