Month: March 2023

#6- Novel Writing Novice

Udal Cuain was my first novel. It combined three years of research into a long novel that took two and a half years of devoted world-building to create a complex story set in Viking-age Ireland. This world had maps, multiple kingdoms, Old Norse and Ancient Irish culture, and thirty characters to keep straight. It was an amazing mess to make sense of, all while pushing my non-fiction background into the world of imagination!

What did this project teach me?

Carrying a notebook with me was a game changer for my creatively scattered brain, but when the mood struck I had that little notebook at the ready to jot down anything that came to mind. I learned that my brain is okay with working in a non-linear structure, even with plot planning and note organization. I was fine with having a stream of consciousness on the page to reference, all while flipping through my notebook to find that one detail I needed to pull a scene together. In doing so, I would take notes in a way that sometimes repeated previous messages but built upon them so therefore when I began to write a chapter I had a headstart on the flow of the story. This process worked well for me. Now, I don’t imagine it would work well for organized people, so don’t use this as a template, instead find a notetaking system that is in symbiosis with your mind to enhance your creativity. It really works!

The Visual

A huge source of inspiration for me was Pinterest. When I had an idea for a character or location, I would search for inspirational images of character visuals.

  • Character physical traits
  • Costuming and accessories
  • Setting images based on the environment I had in my head
  • Castles, boats, battle scenes
  • Stylized images of a detail – waves crashing, blood dripping, a bird flying, fire

When I was feeling stuck, Pinterest pulled me back into the scene and the ideas would flow onto the page. The photos and artwork shared within that platform truly inspire creativity, like a scrolling mood board. It was one of the driving forces for what Udal Cuain became, in good ways and bad, but more on that later on.

To the Library

What ultimately keeps the process going though, is research. This may seem like a no-brainer, or this may seem bizarre depending on what type of writing you are thinking about making. Even in the case of a pure fantasy tale, the world can still draw inspiration from what we see in the world we live in. By taking the time to research, there was more of a harvest when it came to transforming ideas into storytelling. In some ways, the historical discipline I learned in college, I believe is better categorized as a skill of creativity than a cut-and-dry practice, because those muscles of interpretation can be applied to the art of storytelling.

By gathering that pantry of details, I learned to think ahead of where the current story was and become acquainted with where we were headed. I researched the world of Ireland in the early medieval period along with Norse history during that time to understand what the aesthetic was and how people in a look-alike world could have functioned to give my characters a rooted flair. I dug into language – Ogham, Gaelic, and Old Norse to understand the culture deeper. I researched clothing, weapons, religions, warfare, house-building techniques, tools, technology, cooking, sports, festivals, farming, etc. It was an involved process.

The Familiar

I chose this type of setting because it was what I was familiar with. I studied Irish History in depth in college and at home, my heritage comes from this part of the world and so getting to know my ancestors brought incredible purpose to this project. I think that is ultimately what I appreciate with deep sweetness looking back on what is essentially a failed project, it connected me when I felt disconnected. Finding a world, a plot for your tale, or even a character type that pulls you into a familiar place I would say based on my own experience is a fantastic way to dive into world-building. Go forth and create with confidence because the world needs storytellers as unique as you.

#5 – Fashion Design

Potato Technology is my brand, my design studio. As I became a more experienced sewist and designer I realized I wasn’t happy just making things. I wanted a brand I could work towards, a cohesive vision to find my voice in fashion. So I followed my dream. Here’s a taste of what I plan to share with you on this platform!

Wonderland Jacket, A/W 2022.

Banshee Sweater, A/W 2022.

Black Currant Blouse, S/S 2023.

#4 Muirin Project

If you create something, have success, and walk away was it worth it? Let’s explore that together.

In 2017, I had a blog called Muirin Project where I shared poetry, artwork, personal essays, historical research, and my own very detailed historical fiction novel called Udal Cuain. The title of the novel was a Scottish word, Udal Cuain, which means to be tossed around by the sea. The name Muirin is an Irish word meaning born of the sea. At the time of writing, my life could be described as being thrashed around in confused seas and I was searching for a way to emerge out of the chaos and be “myself” again.

I did not understand why my life was drifting into this stormy sea. Previously in 2015, I was on a high of happiness with life falling into place. College surrounded me with friends, a purpose, mentors, and a mail room job I loved it because I interacted with so many people on my mail runs. During the summer I had a painting job and time with family, who at the time was close-knit with my grandparents as anchors. In 2013, I built a close bond with my fellow female history majors, helped start the first history honors society, and was provided the opportunity by my history mentor to explore dress history. I met my husband and we got engaged in 2015. The same year I graduated with honors and was accepted into a grad program in fashion merchandising.

Due to budget cuts, the program was cut from the degree offerings. I quickly learned like many of us did in the 2010s that the job market was not good, especially in the rust belt. As I stared down my wedding, I was spending my days being an assistant for a local painting company, the only girl on the job site being talked down to for doing man’s work and being harassed for my faith. Meanwhile, my hair was being destroyed by the paint sprayers’ overspray, which had always been my source of confidence. It was the deep end, no longer in the Christian bubble I had blossomed in, and I was feeling underwhelmed by adulthood. In 2016, a week after I got married, I was fired from that job with no explanation, along with my husband who was also let go. We were newlyweds with no future, at least that is what it felt like.

We rallied and searched for jobs, anything and everything, without success. I got interviews but was always missing the right experience like I was chasing an invisible carrot on a stick. Three months later, my grandpa had dangerous surgery for a broken neck, which he never recovered from but placed him in a nursing home where he remained until he passed away. The surgery took such a toll on him that he wasn’t the same and neither was my grandma. In the wake of his surgery, my “close-knit” family imploded into a civil war, I chose the wrong side by not picking a side and was no longer welcome anywhere. It was a deep murky sea, I felt like I was drowning.

A mentor suggested I take my writing skills from college and put them to good use with a blog and some creative writing to build a resume of experience.

So Muirin Project was born along with Udal Cuain, my way to make sense of all these things I did not understand. I clung to this hope of writing myself out of my misery, and so I wrote and wrote. I worked all day, every day to feel alive again. I wrote a hundred chapters and planned a three-book story. I created maps, character profiles, a journal from a character to foreshadow, and a calendar, and studied Gaelic to make sense of Viking age Ireland. It was a fantastic escape! I wrote for two and half years straight until the characters felt like familiar friends in a cozy world only I lived in and survived by gigs and temporary jobs. I gained a following and a community through the process of sharing. It gave me the confidence I needed to feel like a capable adult again instead of a failure.

I am proud of all that this messy time was able to accomplish. Muirin Project, as my mentor said, would help me land my first real job as an app manager producing content and managing people. It was the real adult job I needed to feel like a provider instead of a burden. Because of how much I grew and life blossomed out of this period, I will forever be grateful to the murky sea for how it taught me in the struggle and built a hunger within me to do more with a confidence I didn’t have before the storm.

In the process of success, seasons change and this is where things got tricky. During this time life led me through a season of moves, a short bout of homelessness, job stress, emotional burnout from family abuse, and waves of depression and anxiety. All these distractions, especially work, pulled me out of my little Udal Cuain world. The site became a burden in my mind, another pressure instead of a joy. And so I stopped posting with the intention of going back. A month passed, and then 6 months, then a year. Then I forgot the characters, and it faded into something I used to do. I ultimately closed the site and let go of my notes from Udal Cuain. It became the thing I was instead of the thing I am. Moving beyond it felt strange, like shedding a skin. Leaving it was heartbreaking.

Was it worth it? Should I have stayed? I don’t know what the right answer is. It was such a good thing until it wasn’t, but I still miss it. I think in some way it was alive with me, in that phase of the struggle, and once I matured past that phase and began understanding life didn’t have to be so hard I didn’t need the same outlet anymore. By writing my pain, and seeing the actions mirrored on the page I learned that family can’t treat you with emotional abuse. It reinforced in my mind that I’m not a failure, but I’m also not stuck in that sea anymore, and so the story needed to change. That was hard.

Does the success still matter even though the site and novel doesn’t exist anymore?

I wish I had a physical copy of it, instead of memories, but yes it does matter because it was a stepping stone on the journey to who I am today and where my passions lie. If you have a past success that maybe didn’t pan out the way you planned, celebrate it! It still matters even if you don’t have the social media highlight reel to show for it. It made you who you are and that is something to be proud of.

Ezra 1-3

Before we begin, I am not a Biblical scholar. I am a girl, who loves the Lord and feels led to keep a journal of what I learned on my second read-through of the Bible as a believer with a deeper faith than my initial read-through in 2020-2021. The Lord brought this to my attention through my study of the book of Ezra. Thank you reader for coming along on this journey with me. May we grow deeper in our faith together!

Chapter One

In the proclamation of Cyrus, here’s what jumped out to me. God’s power and planning. In the case of Cyrus’ proclamation, it demonstrated to me how God uses unlikely structures, governments, earthly powers, etc that are created by man to keep the general population oppressed, and God turns them on their head. God has the authority over everything and He can use whatever means He chooses to do His will and serve His people. With the fear being instilled in the world by the news, it was like a breath of fresh air to remember, in a moment all these things that feel like they have power over us can change their purpose if that is what God wills. 

By Cyrus’ proclamation, the captor rolls out the red carpet for their prisoner and furnishes the prisoners with all they need on the captor’s dime. Can you imagine seeing that happen firsthand? God’s power and authority are awe-inspiring. In doing this, Cyrus explicitly names the reason behind his decree. He proclaims who God is, what God has given him, and how God will be glorified through this. It’s hard to imagine our current world leaders doing this, but what a sight it would be! 

Thinking about it in a present context, Cyrus’ proclamation reminds me that whatever the current world governments, billionaires, tech conglomerates, censorship leaders, or AI algorithms claim they own, they really don’t. God owns all of it, and ultimately He controls it. It can all pass away if He says so. Their entire purpose can be shifted to fit His plan if God says so. The song “Graves to Gardens” by Elevation Worship came to mind as I was pondering this. 

Now for some quick takeaways:

  • The Persians financed rebuilding what the Babylonians destroyed.
  • Babylon had already passed away, from being a world superpower to a defeated empire taken over by the Persians. 
  • God makes this happen quickly. His timing is higher than ours. 
  • The items carried out of the temple are returned to Jerusalem with the exiles.
  • Exiles get a free plane ticket home, but not a cheap seat either. 
  • I’ve seen this in my own life and the lives of loved ones. It is something to behold when you experience it. 

Chapter Two

To be honest, these genealogy chapters are a struggle for me, but God pointed out something pretty neat when I was reading. The captives return properly. What do I mean by that? They aren’t just brought back to Judah, it says explicitly that they return to their town. They were not dropped off in the middle of nowhere to figure it out, no they went back to their home country, state, town, and street. It was a full return of order from the chaos. 

I spent time taking notes to add up how many people were listed, 49, 797. How many animals (aka transport)? 8, 136. This was a big spectacle!  It was a moment to pay attention to with a large group of people arriving together, with transport, items for the temple, money to rebuild the temple, etc. God was being glorified by the act of their return, furnished by the Persian empire. To the outside observer, this would be out of the normal day-to-day and we see the not-so-welcoming reaction from these observers in the following chapters.

Chapter Three

The neighbors are not happy and the exiles are feeling it. What stuck out to me was the two important reasons for the Israelites to rebuild the altar – reaffirming the law, aka the structure of their world, and drawing closer to God when their fears reappeared. It is a lesson I need because I still continue to procrastinate in scary situations, instead of running to God immediately.

God provided them in their time of uncertainty with structure and familiarity through the law handed down from Moses. They celebrated the Festival of Booths, representing the exodus and deliverance from Egypt. Just like their ancestors, they would make it through this by drawing near to God and seeking his wise counsel. They atoned for their sins with offerings, getting right with God in the same way we do in the New Covenant through confession thanks to salvation in Jesus.

After taking these necessary steps of discipleship, then they are prepared to do God’s work, in this case rebuilding the temple. They are also prepared for what is to come when it gets harder. I know I get excited and want to skip steps when it comes to following Jesus, those tough faith-building moments are not what I want but what I need to be prepared for the next task. Sometimes, I feel impatient and want an immediate answer instead of taking days, weeks, or months to pray for God’s direction but it prepares me through practice because it teaches me to depend on Him.

#3 – First Sewing Project

As I think back on drafting my first garment, my first reaction is I probably should have bought a pattern. That being said this is how I dove into my favorite hobby, the world of sewing!

Currently, I’ve been sewing my own clothes for 2 years and 8 months. It’s been a wild ride of exciting transformations from fabric to form, absolute failure where I chuck the garment, and moments of great frustration that have tested my mental fortitude. Fashion is not for sissies, as Tim Gunn once said, and I wholeheartedly agree! So, how did I start the process? Kind of on a whim to be honest.

It was the end of summer and autumn was making its way into our world even though it was late August 2020. We were all coming out of the lockdown world to that long-awaited green status. It was a time of excitement. Small pieces of normalcy were taking root and calm returned to life. My husband and I had used all the endless downtime of the lockdown to get crafty! We dove in and made cards, jewelry, furniture, scarves, home decor, and a lot of bread! It was a blast and also a bit of a weird blur. I sometimes feel nostalgic for that weird time for how much resilience that impossible situation taught me. I probably wouldn’t have begun sewing without those months of training my creativity.

He asked me if I thought I could draft a woodworking apron.

I remember being nervous about trying this new artistic medium, even more so about purchasing the materials because I was laid off and financial security seemed up in the air. Every decision felt momentous because of how much change we were all reeling from. I was concerned about wasting money on a failed project. What if I fail? What if I make a mistake and I wasted this precious resource. What if was a theme phrase of 2020. I think we were all living in a state of fight or flight. I one know thing I did not feel confident! I was more excited and nervous.

Because of the low-contact world, we were living in, I believe I made a Joann’s pick-up order. There was no grand fabric shopping moment, I bought without feeling the weight of the fabric. I didn’t look to see how wide it would be or how much I would need with a project estimator. I bought brown canvas, two yards, and three yards of purple stretch velvet. Unbeknownst to me these are two of the most challenging fabrics to start with! Good choice, Magz, good choice!

The canvas was surprisingly easy to cut. I bought tailor’s chalk to trace out a design based on measurements and sketched out the entire garment in pieces on the fabric. Being a sturdy fabric the canvas held the drape, responded well to my stitches, and with the understanding of stronger sewing techniques, such as finishing my seams, this piece would have held up. Unfortunately, I did not and the first wash frayed the poor apron to bits. It was tragic.

On the other hand, my purple dress was a disaster in the context of silhouette and seam puckering. The bubbling sleeves, uneven neckline, and crinkly hem were not good. But, it stayed together remarkably well, and with a pattern to properly shape the garment, it had the potential to be a dress that became a wardrobe staple for me. The problem I ran into, was the tailor’s chalk disappeared with every stroke, but truly it was being a greenhorn. I scrapped my entire drafting plan and decided to wing it. The result shows how free-form this dress was. I half-draped-half pattern pieced this dress into life. Let’s focus on the positives though – it’s a dress. Not a blob. A real-life, genuine dress! I was so proud.

Looking back on it with a lot more experience, all of these decisions seem incredibly reckless but at the time I’m grateful I just dove in head first. I seem to make the most progress that way. That is what life is about. So if there is something you want to do, do it. Even if you make the wrong choices in hindsight, I learned about fabrics, construction, and how to pattern cut on the fly. It was pretty exciting! The projects turned out fairly well for not using a pattern too, so believe in yourself! Most importantly, remain teachable. My grandma always reminded me to keep a teachable spirit with all my endeavors, and you know what? She was right.

Woodworking Apron, 2020

Purple Velvet Dress, 2020

#2 – Missing

I think the hardest part of the grieving process for me has been settling into life without the ones I love. I knew that it would feel strange continuing life without my grandparents because they were my real parents and that is a big space to fill once those nurturing figures are no longer here to support you. I think about them often. Like today, when the sun shines brightly through my window with a strength that warms my skin as I sit at my sewing table. The warmth of love is one of those tangible things that death strips of this world.

It’s not all bad, the warmth of the sunshine reminds me of those core memories. Moments I may not recall without the prompt of warmth and light, like sitting upstairs in the loft where the big windows of their living room washed the house in beaming brightness. On days like this grandma would hang the laundry outside on two long rows. From my swingset, I saw the sheets dance in the billowing breeze of a warm summer day. But if I hold on to the feeling of the sun on my skin, my mind walks deeper into the library of memories zig-zagging my brain, and selects a deeper track.

Summer morning. Sunshine. Walking around the park, me riding a bike flanked by my cousins while my grandparents discussed the history, the beauty of the sights, the sounds of the birds. Warm. Cozy. Sitting in the loft on a wintery sunny day after baking 10 tea-ring pastries (a big ring of cinnamon rolls that remain uncut to resemble a wreath) with my grandparents sitting beside me on the couch. We share a round of Hershey nuggets most likely for our hard work. Especially Papa who watched us bake from the counter, sitting on a high stool, there for the conversation and the atmosphere.

In the small moments of my day, three years later, I still think of them and I wonder if that will ever change. It no longer makes me tear up, which I like. I don’t enjoy crying. The missing is here to stay. It’s like the longing we feel for heaven and closeness with our Savior. The world is missing something, but the reminders of unconditional love evoked by the warmth of sunlight on my skin pulls me out of whatever task I am working on for a quiet moment of reflection. I reflect on the blessings I have experienced from the love I received here on earth and rejoice that it is not the end. I remember that I am not alone, because the Spirit lives in me and is filling me with love from my Creator.

“But let all who take refuge in you rejoice;
    let them sing joyful praises forever.
Spread your protection over them,
    that all who love your name may be filled with joy
For you bless the godly, O Lord;
    you surround them with your shield of love.”

Psalm 5:11-12, NLT

#1 – Welcome

Hello! Thank you reader for taking the time to check out my little corner of the internet. My name is Magz and I have a lot of hobbies. Some might say too many, but I prefer having things to keep busy. 

Since my rocky post-grad start at building a career, I have learned to seek out skills and personal development to become a well-rounded person in times when I felt like I didn’t have a purpose. This began in 2016 when I created a blog called Muirin Project to fill the creativity void. From there I wrote an entire novel called Udal Cuain and spent time soaking up as much quality time with my grandparents before they both passed away in 2020. Along the way, I found a job that helped me understand how to manage an app and taught me that burnout at a dead-end job would not be my future. 

During the lockdown, I was laid off, buried my grandpa, and threw my empty heart into creating. I made paper beads, hand-stamped greeting cards, starting knitting again, all while escaping into fashion history/sewing on Youtube. In the fall, I bought my first sewing kit which changed everything. At this high, was an incredible loss with my mentor and kindred spirit, my grandma, passing away too. I took the next two years to be a sewing apprentice for myself, cataloging my sewing journey on Instagram, which culminated in my first real collection being completed at the end of 2022 for my brand, Potato Technology. 

In 2023, I have slowed down to dwell on what is next. My plan was to open a shop in 2023, but as this year unfolds, I don’t have the same peace about this being my next challenge. I have felt discouragement and confusion about the purpose of my skills will be. In the meantime, I have been learning Japanese and asking God to direct my path and show me what is next in my life. The answer that surprised me was “You should write again.” 

This blog will be a little of this and a little of that, just like the way my life has taken shape. You will find blog posts, fictional stories, and my sewing journey featured just as it is on Instagram. I look forward to seeing where this little website takes us together.

If you would like to tip me for my work, you can do so at Ko-fi.

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑